Category: Terms and Stuff


In the gaming world, we’ve hoodwinked ourselves into thinking that saturation in the gaming market is the result of bad taste in entertainment. Saturation of military shooters are due to the “bro-gamers” who refuse to try anything new. We assume then that innovation just doesn’t sell as a result. Or that “we don’t know what we want” because the claims that we want something different is contradicted by the actual people who bought the game (which is everyone who actually wanted it…. vs the rest of the world).

The game industry and idiots over the internet really don’t understand he fundamentals of selling a product to people as we’ve convinced ourselves that gaming is something more than a product. And we do that, we disconnect gaming from regular trends of buying and selling. We just don’t understand why games sell anymore. Hopefully, I can alleviate that as I’ve become arrogant enough to believe so.

First and foremost, people need to understand the reason people buy anything. Yeah. Why do you buy the things you do?

People buy food… to feed themselves.
People buy clothes… to have something to wear (unless they’re strippers, then anything goes)
People buy cleaning tools… to clean
People buy 8 inch drill bits… to make 8 inch holes.

This pattern is easy to understand. People… buy products… to gain a benefit. Something that is advantageous or good. People buy products to benefit from them. Women buy cosmetics and clothing to benefit from them by… looking good (or ridiculous).

Men buy steroids to get buff for hollywood roles that require them.
Kids buy toys because COLORS!

But more reasonable examples, people buy knives to cut stuff. People buy vegetable seeds to save money from having to shop at the groceries (and avoid Monsanto products). People buy Lawn Mowers to cut grass.

People… buy… things… to… benefit from them.

If you buy something that has no benefit to you, then you are simply wasting money.

So why buy anything regarding entertainment? Afterall, entertainment has no tangible benefit to you that makes your life more productive.

But that’s where you’d be wrong. People need entertainment. That old saying about dull johnny is much deeper than that. People can’t just work themselves to death, they need something to stimulate them and make them forget life’s bull, temporarily. Yeah, most people can make their own fun, but most people end up hurting themselves in the process.  So people buy entertainment for what? To have fun. Having fun is something that is plain necessary in our lives so that we don’t grow old feeling like angry bastards pissing in the wind about these young whipper snappers who got famous for bad singing over youtube.

Or being exploited over youtube.

So we have books, music, toys, television, movies, and video games to fulfill the benefit of having fun. Entertainment is supposed to give us joy. Laughter. Happiness of a sort. To give us a breather from the harshness of reality. The benefit of entertainment is stress relief. Make believe. And in some strange instances, inspiration.

So we get to the video games, the benefit of buying a video game is to eventually have fun. Or for parents to get their hyper active kids to shut the hell up while they pork on their anniversary.

This is a universal trait amongst anyone who buys a video game. No one just buys games to be “bros” or obtain a sign of status. When you talk about Call of Duty, people buy these games en masse because they provide the benefit of having fun. Being entertained is the ultimate goal.

So if you’re a game developer, publisher, w/e the hell you are or want to be, the ultimate goal that you must achieve is to create a game that delivers a benefit to the player, IE entertainment. Fun Factor. More than likely, you’ll just copy off Call of Duty anyway because it’s a money trail, but ultimately failing to understand why it sells gang busters… until now, that is. It produces entertainment. A benefit to everyone.

I’m gonna repeat that a million times. Entertainment value/Fun Factor is the benefit of your video game. Ultimately, and periodededededededededd. If your game is not built around entertainment value, it serves no benefit to the player.

Think back to the NES. The benefit of owning one was to have better games than the competition at a much cheaper price tag. But ultimately, better games = more entertainment value = more beneficial to you. So NES was a juggernaut. Then Sega Genesis had a… similar strategy though kinda more fucked up. It advertised having better games along with a better price than Super Nintendo. Over time, these morons started advertising hardware as being the main attraction, and then Nintendo started doing the same… with cheaper prices.

This is where gaming started to turn on it’s head. Games stopped being about benefits and started being more about features. A feature is simply what your game can do, while the benefit is what your game does for other people. Or for the mentally delayed, try the nice guy argument.

Nice guys have better personalities, dress nice, and have great smiles. But the thugs can “protect” the woman from people they have no business being near anyway. At least that’s their perception. Or think about every video game hero that gets laid and compare them to the animu main characters that piss everyone off for doing nothing… and getting laid anyway. Mario saves peach, she bakes cherry cakes. People want to be with people that can do something for them.

People want to buy games that can do something for them. Advertising hardware features or features of a game does nothing but alienate people. Because people don’t see a feature as some sort of benefit. Therefore, selling games on features rather than benefits has created the gaming atmosphere of the modern industry.

This is where we get to the dilemma of “innovation” or why it doesn’t sell. First off, take a gander at this video of Metroid Prime 3.

Look at all the pointless stuff you can do with Nintendo’s new innovative motion controller! Control Samus Aran in ways you never thought possible like… moving your arm around to press buttons! Twist and contort your arm to open doors! This totally makes the game more life-like!

If you thought that was rad, get a load of Skyward Sword’s unique usage of the motion plus upgrade that you’re totally required to have in order to do things you could do without it like… DOWSING! A feature so rad, we couldn’t just use the infared scope on the Wii mote! No, you… aim…with.. the GYRO…….THINGY… IN THE WIIMOTE!!

Seriously… they had a goddamn trailer for this crap.

Can anyone point to the benefit of these innovative features? What benefit is there to your enjoyment of the game? None. Because these features are not created with the intent of generating entertainment. They are done to demonstrate how “cool” the product is. And that is the fundamental flaw of innovative games. They provide no tangible benefit to you or anyone looking to have a fun time.

The “genius” behind Wii’s marketing wasn’t really showing people playing the Wii (which I assume was what everyone got from it), but demonstrating that people could benefit from the Wii. Take all those workout/weightloss commercials where you see people actively trying out these workout sets or routines and getting results. They’re demonstrating the benefit of these things to you.

“We’ll gaurantee that you’ll get rock hard abs and slim sexy waistline, or your money back!”

There’s a benefit for yah.

I raised this point about Pokemon earlier which… went ignored, but why would I buy a pokemon game for it’s pointless features like “Bases” or Pokemon contests? They provide no entertainment to me (or anyone else) as they are not fun distractions from the main game. Therefore, a majority of Pokemon’s features don’t benefit anyone outside of catching and training Pokemon.

People buy things to benefit them. Not just because they have features. Remember Me has a rhythm based combo system, but it serves no benefit to me as it is not fun. RE4 featured QTEs, but they provide no benefit as they’re definitely not fun. Blazblue has fighting characters based on gimmicks, but they provide no benefit as they make half the characters unplayable pieces of shit… there by making the game not fun.

I harp on this so many times because the same point stands firm as to why people buy games. When a developer decides to do something different for the sake of their own personal goals, there is the high risk of those goals not being of any benefit to the consumers. Their intent is not to benefit customers but to meet their own desires.

So when we look at the issue of the most “innovative company of all time”, Nintendo, we see first hand just why the PII U is in the jam it’s in. It is a console that was created with no intent of benefitting the customer. It is overpriced, it looks uncomfortable to play, the console has technical faults of having to rely on a crappy looking controller that you might not even use to play a game, only one can work with the console at a time, and extra Pii U controllers aren’t even available for purchase, so if your old one fucks up, you might have to buy an entirely new console. And why should you go through the hassle? Afterall, the Pii U has no games. Therefore, it is of no benefit to you. More hassle than there is entertainment? No deal.

The 360 is the most faulty piece of hardware out there, but people are willing to put up with bad customer service, RRODs, disc read errors, crappy D-Pads and more… to get entertainment value from the games they have. Because Minecrack is awesome.

Reading about Nintendo’s developers gives you the impression that they don’t care about their customer’s own entertainment. Therefore, they do not seek to benefit you in any way. And it shows with their games and hardware. That’s why they’re failing. You do not put out a product that has no purpose of benefiting people. Ever.

Innovation only sells when it does something for people. In gaming, it’s rare because innovation usually comes out of someone’s rectum… where their heads might be. The vision of someone who has no intent of appealing to anyone’s tastes. Psychonauts looks butt ugly. Beyond Good and Evil doesn’t have enough sex appeal (I guess). Wind Waker looks like child’s play. Wii Music sounds gay and un-fun. Pikmin fits the rule of uncool.

In Nintendo’s case, all they’ve really done was take what was already available and make them better. SMB is a better Pitfall. Pokemon is a better turn-based RPG. Mario Kart is a better racing game (I guess, F-Zero GX is way better). Zelda was a better computer RPG. All of Nintendo’s greatest hits are not innovative. They simply filled a void that was created by asshole game developers that had their own interests in mind. Now Nintendo has become the asshole developers, and the results speak for themselves. When developers seek to make games with no benefit to the customers, they usually fail.

And now, I await the failure of Sonic Boom and Bayonetta 2 especially.

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The hilarity of people defending the art style of Sonic Boom never ends.

It’s a cliche that never fails to occur over the internet. Millions come out in defense of controversy at a moments notice. Whether it’s RE5’s killing of Africans to GTA being the focus of video game violence, the defense squad will quickly form a line to piss all over the dreaded complainers.

This tells you just how backwards internet people(nerds) really are. Complaining is taboo in backwards societies. Most well-informed people understand that complaints have a positive social function, and that dissent should not be buried. Discontent should be treated as a valuable resource. Instead, it’s automatically dismissed or frowned upon. Buzz words like “appreciation” are often thrown around in that reflex responses toward customer dissatisfaction are “you should be glad they made something for us anyway”. This is the medieval logic of lower expectations: no complaint is valid, since things can always be worse than they are, and we should always be grateful.

What caused internet gamers to ascribe to a curse of bureaucracy where we find ourselves pinned against a wall with rabbid forum goers foaming at the mouth screaming at us when all we voiced was a complaint about a video game? While the simple answer would be the mind control argument of how game developers “suffer” to make games for people (it’s not uncommon for that thought process), it’s more of a psychological response born out of a disgust for people in general. Sounds confusing as hell, doesn’t it? Lets put it into perspective.

I was watching 2 movies over the weekend. The Iron Giant and Dogma. Both movies are delicious. But both of them contain at least one character who describe themselves as artists. Dean from Iron Giant sells scrap but mentions that as soon as he turns it into art, he can’t just give them away. Dean performs a service of selling what is trash to people, but what happens when he turns all of his trash into art? In Dogma, you have an agent of hell (I think he played Dave in the Chipmunks and Syndrome in the Incredibles) who says that the reason he went to hell was because God was angry at him for not joining his army against Satan… or something (I didn’t really pay attention). The agent’s reason for not serving in this army was because “he was an artist”, which is rebuked by Salma Big Boobs that Elvis was an Artist, but also served in the army as well.

What do both of these characters represent? People who believe they are artists who do not desire to serve other people. An independence to please themselves rather than others. Which doesn’t sound too bad, I mean who wants to be someone else’s bitch for a living? The artist goes into a life of self-gratification. They usually create things not for the amusement of other people, but to seek validation. Often times, an artist might create a work of art that has no logic or reasoning to be accepted as “true art cannot be defined.” Some art pieces they create can be offensive as well. Like a painting that shows a guy sucking some woman’s tit (I’ve owned one too! Hehe). Whatever the case, art is used to do what? Express the personality and thoughts of the artist. Art is expression. The artist is inherently selfish.

The statement “True art cannot be defined” is really a euphemism for “My expressions cannot be judged by public opinion”.

So, we could say that Artists create art to validate their ego. Or (like regular people) just sell themselves out to make money making designs for companies and whatnot. The problem with the artist angle is when the artist tries to use entertainment to validate his or her ego.

The entertainer is in a completely different mindset. The entertainer is the penultimate people pleaser. They create work not to seek validation, but for the amusement of other people. The entertainer is one who desires to serve others. Make em laugh, make em cry, but ultimately, make em smile. They are inherently selfless.

Look at anime. What is the entertainment? Shit like Senran Kagura where the Silicone is a helluva. What is the Art? Shit like Gundam that expresses how much war sucks. The silicone easily wins (Gundam was originally not very popular when it first began).

When you look at video games, people will often times consider games to be art because “things can be expressed”. This is a lie. Games can and will never be art. They were created for the amusement of other people. What was an arcade? A room where people could just come in and enjoy cheap thrills (emphasis on cheap, and arcade game was cheaper to play than it is for a retail game to buy). Not some art gallery where people look at screens and go “hmm, what an exquisite piece of work here!” Art is not easily digested by the masses. Entertainment is made for public consumption.

Video Games fall under the category of entertainment given it’s status as devices of public consumption. However, the nerds believe games to be art that must be glorified and “respected”. Nerds dub themselves “Hardcore gamers” to disestablish themselves from the public. Why would they bother?

Well, Nerds in general, being social outcasts, usually have a negative perception of people in general. You can find them as those that use the phrase “people are stupid/assholes” simply because they have been mistreated by society. It’s not uncommon for the Nerd to have a negative outlook on people and society based on these experiences, and would often times develop unwarranted superiority based on having more intelligence in fields such as mathematics, science, engineering, shit like that. In the midst of their social isolation, they might actually become selfish in that they don’t want their favorite hobbies to be shared by the mainstream folks because then the nerds would lose their sense of “uniqueness” and individuality. So they fight tooth and nail (the keyboard warriors) to ensure that they alone can enjoy this hobby, or enjoy it in the right way. So they describe video games as art to further dictate that it can only be enjoyed and “appreciated” by a select few people, being those in social isolation. People who can “appreciate” art think of themselves as intellectually superior to the masses. Nerds already think of themselves as intellectually superior to the masses which is further enhanced by their preconceived disgust of the masses. As art cannot be easily digested by the masses, it gives them a sense of unwarranted self importance. Nerds

This is one of the reasons why the marketing gimmick of “Hardcore vs Casual gamers” worked so well to have the internet hate the Wii because the Casuals were referred to those of the masses which the nerds despise.

That said, they sympathize with the “artist” as art is created not to appease people, but rather the artist. This is why you hear about why Call of Duty sucks, or why NSMBW sucks. They’re both games that appeal to the public rather than the nerds. They’re not “art”. You’ll hear more praise for The Last of Us and Heavy Rain before they could say one good thing about Mortal Kombat. Why sympathize with the artist? Well, as crazy as it may sound, Nerds are socially inept which makes them incapable of expressing themselves normally in public out of fear of social scorn. Their fear and disgust of human beings make it difficult. But seeing how people can actually express themselves through “art” essentially gives them a platform of communication. The internet is populated by nerds because it gives them a platform to express themselves without fear of public scorn.

As the nerd does not enjoy sharing space with people, they do not understand the concept of “entertainment”. How can a nerd understand the fundamentals of entertaining people? They don’t even like to share their company! A person who does not enjoy the company of other people would be repulsed at the idea of entertaining other people! And so, they associate with the “artist” mentality of pleasing themselves. And since many nerds dream of becoming game designers, could you imagine all the ego chest humping they would do if they were allowed to make games? Oh wait, they already are. Thanks Aonuma, David Cage, Sakamoto!

So going back to Sonic Boom, with a fanbase that is so fucked with itself, arguments like “Knuckles’s design being logical, therefore it’s good” is simply a reflex response of the nerd psychosis. Not understanding the concept of entertainment, they laugh and taunt the complainers of the character designs. This is why it is so hilarious to me. The supporters of these ridiculous designs don’t really believe their own junk. They simply find no value in pleasing people. An artist they are or wish to be, indeed.

Maze War

 

In the year 1973, there was a game called “Maze War” which some attribute to as the beginning of the FPS genre. W/e the case, the game is simply just that. Some big ass maze you walk through shooting eyeballs and other players.

It’s a PC game, no less. As such, the FPS genre is tied to the ideals of Computer Centrism. For one, the ideas of Maze War were used for RPGs (Ultima, Dungeon Master, Phantasy Star) and all those other PC games. FPS’s didn’t “become” a genre until Castle Wolfenstein/Doom and the like. Primarily because the Arcades and NES kept us busy and happy.

FPS’s were in a disadvantageous position. The complexity of the genre meant that it would be unsuitable for the accessible controls of early video game consoles, and for the most part, PC games weren’t even that popular until Wolfenstein 3D. For the most part, all attention was focused on games like Mario, Sonic, and that goddamn Mortal Kombat. Doom would later join (or started) the controversy of blah blah…

Lost my train of thought of there. This subject I wanted to touch upon due to the increasing backlash against FPS’s by the hardcore (mostly the nintards who bring up COD like some sort of cultural habit). In all honesty, it is because of the death of the very thing the hardcore shun for being “primitive” that allowed the FPS genre to thrive.

I’ve spoken a few times on Arcade Centrism and Computer Centrism in the past. This is an important concept to understand why FPS’s took over.

Arcade Centrism is the mentality of fast-paced action games whether they be shmups, shooters, platformers, or general action games, the goals are usually simple and straight forward. Enemies over there, kill they ass, or (Pac Man wise) avoid enemies and eat that shit up! Arcade games were filled with high risks of loss. You’re always put into positions where it’s easy to lose if you didn’t have the skillz and reflexes necessary to succeed. And people loved this! It’s odd these days to see so many adults and their kids crowd around an arcade machine with their obnoxious yells and screams and cheers. It was much more common back then.

Computer Centrism is the mentality of slower-paced “adventure/Sim” games whether they be FPS, RPG, mystery, or even Strategy games of a sort. The goals were much more complex. You had different objectives to complete. You had people to find, talk to, you had to build troops, solve murder cases, equip gear and spells to stand a fighting chance. You weren’t really put in a position of loss so much as you would be with Arcade games. Computer games were filled with time consuming tasks and puzzles where your mind was more important than your reflexes.

It’s a case of “Muscle vs Mind” when speaking of Arcades vs Computers. Given that context, it’s easy to see where Hardcore gamers get their elitist mentality from. The pseudo-intellectual nerds they are feel the brainless masses concerned only with their muscles are unfit to be catered to by game developers.

Around the late 90s into the 2000s and beyond, we see the rise of the FPS. Most of this could be attributed to the rapid popularity of Halo (being the only decent Xbox game at launch helped), but there is a bigger layer of factors that gave way to the FPS popularity and the burning jealousy and hatred of Nintards.

See, Arcade games were all 2 Dimensional (perspective-wise, not graphical). Even Star Fox was 2D (it is a rail shooter afterall). 2D is a damn good advantage for Arcade games. Arcade games are all about reflexes and how fast you can react to situations such as being swamped by enemies. As such, you kinda needed the game to be 2D. You have a better view of your surroundings giving you a visual advantage. It was a necessity given how difficult these games could get. Combined with simple controls so that there was no hurdle getting a handle on the game, players could be in touch with the game and react accordingly without so much as looking down at their controller to see how to run the hell away! On the other hand, putting an Arcade game in 3D causes huge problems. The camera issue that has plagued 3D games forever was largely responsible. In a 3D perspective, your vision is significantly reduced as the camera is focused on your game character. You have very little visual information as to what is going on around you. This causes more of a headache as now you have more complex controls simply so you can refocus the camera. Readjusting your view and having to react to incoming enemies or make difficult jumps is a pretty big hassle given that everyone was used to the simplicity of 2D Arcade games.

Unfortunately, people were enamored by the rise of 3D graphics. As such, games and gamers demanded more and more 3D graphics. It was new, it cool, and beautiful to look at. The fact that games could like this!  And the accessibility was further reduced as the years went on. Thanks to the complexity of 3D games, controllers, and the changing philosophy of designers, Arcade Centric Gaming started to go out of fashion. Because it’s far more difficult to try and emulate that rich arcade experience in 3D thanks to more complexity.

What people fail to realize, however, is that the FPS genre was always in 3D! Since Maze War, the games were always set in 3D environments. It was the same with the RPGs set in an FPS perspective as well as Wolfenstein, Doom, and Goldeneye 64. You see, the FPS genre already benefited from the rise of 3D environments because they were always in 3D. So there wasn’t as much of a hurdle to translate FPS’s to upcoming consoles as FPS was the originator of 3D gaming. 3D gaming is a Computer Centric Construct!

Not only that, but the FPS genre lives up to it’s name. It’s a shooter, so it’s concept of shooting enemies was simple already. Of course, all you had to do was point at something with a crosshair, press the fire button, no muss, no fuss. The 3D environment did not get in the way of shooting things and fun factor. Developers of FPS’s looked to Doom 2 and Wolfenstein 3D  as the standard of FPS gaming, and flourished because of it. One of the significant things about that game was that it would be more “complex”. It was to have stealth gameplay similar to Splinter Cell where you drag bodies around, sneak about, and stuff. It was dropped because it was going to make the game more complicated than need be. Wolfenstein 3D was… “simplified“. While I’m not familiar with the game, I’m familiar with Doom. Doom  was just “survive and get to the end, kill bastards along the way to ensure survival.” I don’t recall there ever being a sidestep option, it’s just “move, change weapons, fire”. And it was as simple as it could be. The FPS genre was popularized by simplicity in it’s concept and execution.

FPS devs didn’t need to worry about having to change it’s core dynamics when 3D was popularized. It already was. Where as with Mario, Mega Man, and the like, so many popular genres from the early 90s, were starting to become slaves to the almight 3D. Instead of trying to make a game that worked well in 3D, the dynamic of existing franchises were changed to create completely different “experiences”. Now you have platformers that are nothing more than puzzles and fetch quests, camera tricks, and silly “surprises”. Developers became more focused with crazy concepts, cutscenes, and “artistic” directions while FPS developers already had a good format to build off of. So while Nintendo, Sega, and the like were “corrupted” by their first taste of 3D gaming, with no prior format to build off of, FPS devs already knew it well and could pull it off without a hitch. FPS’s, never straying from their roots, had the very essence that all other genres started to lose. LIMITLESS ACTION!

The platformer genre became puzzle central. Beat em ups and hacknslashes were bogged down with unnecessary RPG elements, general action games had very stupid elements (shinobi having the “Tate” system) or were turned into “Metroidvania” games (Castlevania), and even Pac Man became retarded (Pac Man World 2 is the single worst game I’ve ever played.) But FPS’s? They could continue to build off what worked well before and survive to the point that no one would lose faith in the genre.

You see, the hardcore Nintendo fans despise FPS’s now because they were more “Arcade” than they were “Computer”. It’s a hard pill to swallow for the Nintards especially as they have a raging hard on for crucifying COD. It’s not Activision’s fault they built the series off successful games unlike NINTENDO who ABANDONED successful games in their misguided quest for “creativity” and ingenuity.

Everyone harps on about RPGs and platformers (and Sonic especially) needing to go back to their roots. Why? Because the FPS genre thrives because of it. Arcade Centrism died due to the arcade devs insane obsession with 3D graphics, but that proved to be their downfall as they completely abandoned their own successes and history. Hell, they DESPISE their history! You see Miyamoto trying his best to destroy 2D Mario, Iizuka trying to pretend 2D Sonic is some “alternate universe” continuity, why Mega Man is a dead franchise, why Castlevania is now some Lord of the Rings rip off, etc. The advent (or popularization) of 3D has caused them all to lose their  minds!

Arcade Centric gaming is impossible to achieve in 3D environments. Computer gaming is a completely different beast. And FPS is their trump card. So don’t be angry at the Call of Duty for being the object of Nintard scorn. Blame NINTENDO for allowing it to be the more fun franchise!

Nintendo Fanboys in the Sonic Fanbase.

I’ve had that kind of suspicion for a while. When you have a grand majority of Sonic fans that literally begged for a Lost Mind, you have to truly wonder if these are actual Sonic fans or some external entity.

It is extremely rare for anyone to demand a series become more like an external franchise, especially that of a rival mascot. When a series has a fanbase, any kind of fanbase, that fanbase has set expectations of what they want out of this series. Afterall, why did they become fans of it if not for it’s own merits? It’s unnatural for a Sonic fan to want Sonic games to play more like Mario games.

I’ve noticed, more often than not, that people who’ve played other games go into something new with the expectations of old. Like say if I were to play Ratchet and Clank prior to, lets say, Jak II, I would be furious because the game plays nothing like Ratchet and Clank. Would that be a fair judgment? Hell no.  Of course, these things happen because when you’ve enjoyed something so much, you now have standards of what you like to see in certain games. It’s possibly the reason so many FPS’s have the same features and have an over-abundance of online multiplayer focus.

But with Sonic fans, most who’ve grown up with the series since the beginning (the casters) expect the games to have the same shit that was in the original 2D games, but expanded and improved on. The problem, however, is that Sega has over-fluctuated the series to the point that the fans are in a perpetual state of disorder. Hell, even the company “claims” to not know fuck all about what Sonic is about.

Now, why Nintendo fans are the most vocal about Sonic is easier to decipher. I usually have a statement that “Sega fans are Sonic fans, but Sonic fans are not Sega fans”. And this is true to every extent. Sonic going multiplatform, the series has audiences on Playstation and Xbox. Nintendo has shit 3rd party support no matter what they do (except their awesome handhelds). Sega and Capcom seem to be the only people that… try, at the least. Now see, Playstation fans happen to be the biggest assholes of all gaming communities, but also happen to be extremely easy to please considering damn near every game with some marketing is considered the “greatest game of all time” for no reason other than it’s existence on the Playstation brand. Xbox fans…….seem to be real gamers as they keep their mouths shut and just play. Don’t really have any experience dealing with them.

Due to Nintendo’s shitty 3rd party support, Playstation and Xbox fans can easily ignore the Sonic franchise as it spiraled into the land of mediocrity while they gain several titles that have some effort put into them. Since Nintendo fans can’t get the support that Sony gets on a daily basis, they have to settle for what they can get. So any third party title that sticks around for Nintendo is “assumed” to be a Nintendo owned entity (how many times have people claimed that Sonic was owned by Nintendo? Some even thought Tales of Symphonia was a new Nintendo franchise!) That said, Nintendo fans had expectations of Sonic games living up to the standards of Nintendo’s so-called “Seal of quality”. Since… you know, they don’t get much else beyond Nintendo’s progressively shittier games. Sonic titles must smell like roses in comparison. Specially after Other M.

So the reasoning behind why they desire Sonic to be like Mario is ofcourse the fallacy of expectations from a deferring franchise. Because they have played Mario, they expect other platformers to carry the same conventions as Mario. Mario is, unfortunately, the “standard” for most platformers to go by, and since Sonic is wrongfully lumped into the platformer genre for simply “jumping” on shit, it is assumed that Sonic must succeed by riding the coattails of Mario. And not just any Mario. No, it has to follow the Mario formula that the hardcore Nintards adore. That means the shitty Mario games. That means the 3D Mario games. The Standard Grafting Fallacy.

The author of the article points out a few key Nintendo games that the Nintards simply don’t care about. See, Kirby lacks “intricacy” aside from that yarn shit. It’s easy for them to ignore Kirby because that’s one of the few Nintendo franchises that hasn’t been completely destroyed by Nintendo’s misguided quest for “innovashun” and still maintains arcade centrism within it’s games. Paper Mario is either-or. Not really sure how dark Paper Mario is (At most, it just seems to be a joke series). I would point out the Metroid series, but then I remembered Nintendo fans don’t like Metroid either. Instead, they’ll find (as he said) vague examples within the kiddiest Nintendo games just to prove Nintendo games aren’t kiddy.

It’s an amazing achievement when even Nintendo fans can’t even point to their most mature franchises (Metroid, Fire Emblem, F-Zero which had twerking bikini models for fuck’s sake) to prove a damn thing. The hatred of all things M-rated comes directly from Mortal Kombat and Playstation fans being the grand assholes they are about everything. I mean damn, when everyone kept saying Nintendo was family friendly, that gave the PS2 crews all the fire they needed to troll the loving shit out of the Nintendo fandoms. Believe me when I say they’ve gone off the deep end into the pit of insanity after them verbal ass whippins.

None of that excuses the drastic change in tone with the Shadow the Hedgehog, of course, but when most of those “mature” complaints are thrown at 06 for simply having a more complex story, holy shit. When Sonic fans accepted SA2 even with it’s more complex (if you could call it that) story, then man did the gameplay of 06 scar everything.

Sega fans, for the most part, have completely stopped giving a damn about Sonic and focused on everything else because we ALL felt that Sega just wasn’t going to give two nut licks of a fuck about Sonic the Hedgehog because as we ALL know by now, they hate the damn series. So who else is gonna care about it aside from the Nintendo brats? Especially with the deliberate catering to them?

Good thing I don’t have to jump around much!

I’m always astounded at the sometimes complex criteria that people use to define what genre a game belongs in. Zelda, because the RPG elements are toned down, people consider the Zelda series to be mere Adventure games because there’s no presence of of your strength being based on visible stats. Castlevania games that have you exploring an overworld are considered “Metroidvania” while games like Grand Theft Auto are called “Sandboxes” for Amma knows what reason. The controversy over determining if Smash Bros. is a fighting game still rages on, just much more quietly. Metroid Prime is fought being an FPS or an “FPA”. In general, defining a game’s genre gets tiring.

See, the problem with gamers over the internet is that they’re obsessed with trying to define things, and while that’s basic human nature, gamers take it to an entirely new level of insanity. To define something is to easily identify and judge the quality of that something within the basis of a category. When it comes to movies, for example. We define martial arts films based on the obvious presence of choreographed fight scenes. For Action movies, gun fights and explosions along with big gruffy hyper-masculine male leads. We define romances based on how much pandering it does to female fantasies.

But then it gets a little weird when you start seeing “Romance-Comedy” “Action-Comedy” “Comedy-Drama” and all that jazz. Mainly, it’s the definition of an existing genre by simply combining it with another. If it’s advertised as an action movie with large amounts of comedy or romance, or has a hero that is not a John Wayne trope, it just “cannot” fit within the normal criteria and must be judged on a different level. In gaming, it’s the same thing, only more obnoxious. Action-Platformer, Puzzle-Shooter, Action-Adventure, Action-RPG, you get the idea. The problem is, unlike movies, there are so many games out there that have gameplay styles that aren’t so easily defined. You have the “Action” genre which could range from a shit load of different games including FPS’s and shmups.

There’s no real problem for this because if you’re into a certain type of a game, knowing how to define that game and differentiate that from the rest will help you in determining your next purchase. The problem is there are debates and fights started over the need to define the genre of a game.

That said, how in the hell do you define a platformer?

Don’t look at me! I have no idea!

Check this piece out. Knack is labeled as a platformer, and there is mention of “platforming” where you need to jump to different heights just to defeat enemies. However, the emphasis of the game is clearly centered around killing enemies to progress, meaning the platforming is only a means to an end. Not the point of the game. And for a majority of platformers, this is always the case.

What? I thought the point of this game was bustin caps!

See, most gaming genres are defined around the game’s emphasis. First Person Shooters are obviously emphasizing shooting every mutha fucka on the screen. Fighting games…. fighting. Puzzle games solving puzzles. Adventure games based on exploration and solving mysteries. However, for platforming games, there’s very little emphasis on actual platforming and more so about action (combat or otherwise).

Kirby would be considered a platformer, but considering the pink bastard can fly, there’s…. no real platforming going on.

Praise Amma they’re still making normal Kirby games, though.

If you’ve played any 2D game that involved a pint-size hero running, jumping, shooting or melee attacking enemies, chances are they’re labeled platformers. But do you really have fond memories of “platforming” in these games? Unless they piss you off, of course not. Your fond memories come from the action and thrill of combat. Taking on bosses and waves of enemies while evading traps and death pits. You KNOW what you’re getting into when you play an FPS, and your memories of that game will be based on that’s game’s emphasis as well as the content.

My memories of this game would be dat smexy sci-fi atmosphere!

You wouldn’t call most modern FPS’s “mission-based games” because you have to complete a certain amount of missions per level. That’s only a means to an end. The main idea is still blasting enemies over and over again.

In most cases, only Mario can truly ever be considered a platformer (at least the old 2D games, not this 3D puzzle fetch mess). Hell, the Classic Mega Man games could get away with that label considering all the bullshit Inafune and the gang pulled with those dissappearing blocks and what not. But otherwise, the mere fact that platformer is so often attached to another genre (action especially) is showing how truly difficult it is to define platformers. For all we know, the label is probably misused for a majority of games simply because there’s lots of “jumping” on stuff. It’s kinda like saying Metroid games are platformers because there’s lots of jumping on stuff.

It gets more obnoxious when people put games like Sonic under that category considering the severely lacking emphasis on platforming in virtually every game. I think the Sonic series had cursed every other game that comes out since Sonic was created in part to compete with Mario, thereby being labeled as a platformer… and every other game that comes out (like Crash Bandicoot or Ratchet and Clank, Sly Cooper, Ape Escape, what may have you) are directly placed in the platformer category by default. If that review of Knack is anything to go by, the platformer label is probably forced onto games that really don’t focus on the platforming at all. It’s misleading to gamers on a grand scale because gamers are obsessed with defining games as accurately as possible. So labeling something as a platformer will have gamers judging the game possibly based on a means to an end rather than it’s actual emphasis.

If the emphasis of Knack is in it’s combat and not it’s platforming, but it’s put under the “platformer” category, then you’re gonna have some pretty pissed off gamers because of that obsession to define games. Simply calling it an action game would be “too broad” but more accurate in it’s material.

This, along with the RPG category should be renamed or have reworked criteria for judging. Perhaps “jumper” because there’s lots of “jumping”. 😛

Fuck you, I’m trying the best I can.

It’s just fascinating how the world changes so rapidly. A couple of years back, I would easily proclaim that Japan would make better games than western devs primarily based on the diversity and variety of their games. You could always find something new and exciting among their software.

These days, however, I’d want to grab a timestone and go back to kick myself in the nuts. The Gaming Industry and the environment in which gamers thrive has been engulfed by Computer Centric Design (Or PC gaming).

What made Japan such a prominent force back in the day that makes their foundation crumble? The death of Arcades everywhere but Japan.

You see, Japan, when designing games for an Arcade environment, can do some incredible shit when given the right conditions. Shooting games, Action titles, you name it, you can remember all sorts of action games from them. The West, when designing games for a Computer/PC environment, can do some incredible shit when given the right conditions. RPGs. Strategy games, First Person Shooters, you name it, you can remember all sorts of adventure games from them.

Japan owned the Arcade world while the West owned the Computer world. They are both efficient in these key areas. Asia knows how to create better and more suspensiful action sequences than do Americans (you can tell this by their martial arts films having much better choreography and attention to detail while American MA films are mostly samey with one guy easily taking down a mob). As such, Japan could make better action games than the west in many cases. They were perfectly suited for the arcade where action games ruled.

On the other hand, Europe knows how to create better stories and fantasies than Japanese (you can tell this by their books such as the Lord of the Rings where the elements of fantasy and suspense can hook you better than Japanese stories where everything is nonsensical and illogical, almost to a fault where everyone is like a machine). As such, the West could make better adventure and RPG games than Japan n many cases. They were perfectly suited for the PC where RPGs ruled.

While Pong was revolutionary, it’s debatable that more people would remember games like Pac Man or Galaga more fondly than Robotron. Capcom was certainly the king of the arcades with Street Fighter 2 and Final Fight, while Namco had it’s fair share of titles, aformentioned ones included. These were all action games with an emphasis on kicking ass. The disadvantage of this, however, was that Arcade Gaming can be draining. Especially when it comes to fighting games, it’s a sometimes strenous activity which demands plenty of focus from the players. These games were pretty fuckin hard, especially since you had to play harder just to see the rest of the game’s content. And the quarter pumping, man, Arcade Gaming is not something you spend an absorbant amount of hours playing.
That’s where Computer Gaming comes in. Computer Gaming is a much more leisurely activity which demands nothing but attention to certain details from the player. It’s not fast or particularly adrenaline pumping, but it is a little more relaxing. The emphasis is on problem solving which means a lot more thinking and a lot less concentration and reaction. This meant you could play for hours and not be tired of it. On the other hand, it could be a little boring if you’re stuck in particular parts of the game.

Arcade Gaming was good for a few minutes – half an hour of entertainment, while Computer Gaming was good for several hours tops.

Why was this important? Because with the advent of consoles, Arcade and Computer Gaming would blur the lines forever. Usually when it came to home consoles, the most attractive titles came from arcade ports or games that felt like arcade hits. You never really heard anyone speak of games like Ultima, Castle Wolfenstein, or PC Adventure games in general. RPGs were nigh unheard of. It was all about the Mario’s, the Sonic’s, the Mega Mans, etc. Raiden, Double Dragon, Mortal Kombat, just a whole bunch of arcade games. Computer games were mostly left out of the equation. We had Sim City, the Sims, and a few Strategy games around, and DOOM certainly hit a lot of good points with people, but the real popularity came from Action games in general. The problem, however, came when people started playing games more and more often, like some sort of addiction. Whether it was nerds taking over or not, console gaming began to grow into something bigger. The consoles were getting more powerful, and would soon be strong enough to deliver the exact same arcade experience as the game rooms would.
Plus the SRK fags who would show up, kick your ass at SF, and then leave without a word, didn’t help much by turning the arcade atmosphere into an asshole environment.

That said, with the longer hours people started putting into the games, computer centrism befitted this behavior appropiately. By supplanting the time needed to practice and actually get good at the games, they became easier to digest in which you can relax and enjoy the content. Afterall, you’re in your living/personal room where you go to chill. Why would you want to spend that relaxation time all amped up and shit?

What about Call of-

Shut yo bitch ass up!
As I was saying, Computer Centrism was more of a benefit to “certain” gamers than not. We could say games most action platformers weren’t so hellish that you’d be on edge half the time, but for the majority of video games out there, you’d be lucky enough to get passed level 2. Arcade Centrism is tiring, even to this day. Playing through games like House of the Dead, Castle of Shikigami, or even Metal Slug will wear your ass out after a while of playing. On the other hand, titles like Last of Us, Xenoblade, or w/e Valkirye Chronicles is… will be more… “relaxing” in a way. As such, the AAA titles that everyone happily anticipates are heavily Computer Centric. Why do they all look like movies you ask? Because movies are relaxing. By turning games into movies, they’ve become another form of relaxation. And what can you expect from that? Those that are heavily invested into games (The hardcore) will demand relaxing Computer Centrism rather than High Octane Arcade Centrism. The result is the most anticipated games are those that look like relaxing movies to watch.Game trailers look like bloated movies trailers now. And unfortunately, they’re hooking gamers better than before.

90 awards. Sounds like bullshit. But considering how impressive the game looks, and how jouralists are easily pleased by hollywood production values, I wouldn’t be too surprised.

Japan, in it’s current state, cannot compete with this. With all the controversies, mass… and I mean MASS dissappointment received from several franchises, and terrible design (and business) practices, Inafune’s words ring too true not to be heard. Japan cannot do anything within this environment. Their RPG’s fail consistently except one (pokemon), their fighting games have gone under the radar (especially with Capcom on their way out), and there seems to be no end in sight.

Japanese design philosophy is a crumbling standard in the gaming world. No longer will we cheer on the Street Fighters or the Final Fantasy 7’s, we now look to Ubisoft as the Western Capcom as we cheer on the Call of Duties, the Far Cries, the Grand Theft Autos, and the Creeds of Assasins. The industry and the audience it caters to demands Computer Centrism.The most anticipated games are of the Computer Centric build.

It is in this environment that Japan could never hope to compete. Japan is incapable of making decent Computer Games these days. There’s no market for PC games in Japan outside of goddamn Call of Duty. As such, there’s a bigger priority to make Arcade/Console games in Japan. But since consoles are being taken over by the idealogies of Computer Centrism, Japanese devs are put at a very strict disadvantage and cannot manuvuer much outside of the Japanese market.

In the words of Al Khan, “Japan is OVER!”

I suppose it was inevitable. Considering most new devs are otaku sub-humans that even Japan despises, it was inevitable. From the super animu-infused DMC4 to the stagnation of the JRPG to animu shitfests, and to the platformers that are mere fetch quests, and to the action games that are glorified RPGs, none wonder the outcome, nor care.

What’s this!? No stupid bitch!?

Sonic’s Lost Mind, currently causing a thousand shit storms over the webs because IGN did….. the same damn thing they do with plenty of Sonic games, hype it the fuck up and then toss it to ground, planting it’s ass firmly in the air to prep it for the long dick of their hypocrisy. The funny thing is…. I’m reminded of all the mess that came after Sonic 06 was released. It’s as if we played Regal Ruins all over again.

Damn I love Sonic R’s soundtrack. The damage control is in full force, and it ain’t pretty. You get complaints about bad controls “OH YOU JUST SUCK!”. Don’t complain about bad camera angles, you’ve never been a photographer.

I was previously asked by someone from SAera to do a defense for Sonic 06, and initially I had to pass on the request. There is a staggering number of problems against this game that you’d have to be pretty nuts to try to put together a coherent defense for it. And on a personal level, I don’t even like the game myself. I had to play it again after a long 7 years to see if it’s still as bad as I remember…. and yeah, it is. I actually tried a homing attack on the Wolf Robot and found my ass blasting off into outer space.

It was the funniest and (probably) coolest thing to ever happen in a Sonic game, and it was all by accident. It’s like Sonic took his self inserted game over from Sonic CD and took it to the next level and said “farewell cruel game!”

After fiddling around with the Silver boss fight and trying to get passed the Mach speed zone of Crisis City, I said “fuck this shit” and found a save online so I could play through most of the game without the effort and increase in blood pressure. I actually found Silver’s game more fun than initially seven years back. There’s just something about pulling bars apart and hurling loads of shit around at enemies that gives me a sense  of empowerment. And since he’s slow as molasses, it’s much less frustrating when trying to focus and fight enemies. After a while, even Sonic felt smooth to play through. Shadow’s game, I actually hate now because of that fiddigity ass homing attack nonsense where you mash the jump button as soon as you hit an enemy, and that would be his main attack. Plus, his game is bloated with vehicles and mini-missions where you spend more time looking for items or destroying search lights. And how does Shadow have access to his glider while being trapped in the future? Why does Chaos Spear only stun enemies and not KILL them!? O_O

Nerd perception aside, the PS3 version might have better load times as they weren’t a total bother like on the 360, though it seems to have more bugs (I can’t remember). I notice that when the characters land after a jump, they seem to stick to the ground a few seconds sooner before they actually touch the ground. It just irks me. I actually flew off loops in Wave Ocean a couple times despite being an automated sequence, and Flame Core, falling off the walls randomly while running, but these were about the only instances I’ve encountered so far. Everything else seems to work ok and I guess people over-inflated the frustrations of the Mach speed zones in Crisis City (dat shit was getting on my last nerve too), cause most of the complaints come directly from Sonic’s game. Sonic’s mode is the buggiest out of them all especially since the Mach Speed zones have terrible fuckin controls that don’t respond when you want to turn, which doesn’t help since half of Sonic’s stages feature the damn mach speed zones so it’s something that’s hard to escape. Praise Amma there are only 2 stages with snowboarding or else I’d go clinically insane from that shit. The Elise stages are bizarre in that you need to create a barrier just to go over sand and water. Where does that power even come from!? And why can’t I just run across that bullshit?

Overall, Sonic’s technical problems are probably inflated for everything else in the game cause I didn’t experience shit with Silver or Shadow combined. And the technical problems are the primary focus of “everything that went wrong with 06.”

Everyone talks about the bugs and glitches (most of which are very rare I might ad) and the bad playability, the controls, the camera, etc to explain just why this game bad. Fine. It’s easy to admit the game’s technical problems are there, and they can affect playability to an extent (cue Crystalize calling me a hypocrite). The game is a technical example of what not to do with any video game release. I doubt anyone could blame it on hardware inexperience as Sega has made 2 games for 360 prior to Sonic 06 (Some racing game and Phantasy Star Universe). From what I can gather, PSU isn’t hated for anything other than gameplay direction. “Now it’s a button mashing fest” or something. No details on technical problems or what not. It’s safe to say that Sega just didn’t give a fuck and put out a flawed product and then tried to scoop it under the radar (If Weber’s recent comments weren’t any indication). It’s simply inexcusible for this company put out games with these kinds of faults.

Ok…. now put all that bullshit into a box and label it as…. “Programming Flaws”. And put that into a separate area and look at the game without that box in mind. Can you say, in it’s entirety, that it is a bad game?

People reading this are quick to say “YES! EXTREMELY!”.

The additional characters, an attempt at a plot that isn’t made for anyone with no nutz, a return to “adventure style” gameplay, the RPG-esque gem system…….. music even?

A lot of 06 supporters are quick to say that 06 has nice ideas (none of which I see). Detractors are quick to disagree based on pre-meditated biases of the games flaws. But seeing as every game after it has been considered “RUINED BY GIMMICKS“, and seeing as the only problem people have with 06 is Programming flaws, I’d have to say they’re right. No one gives a shit about Sonic 06’s primary gameplay ideas enough to bash them into hell. It’s all about the programming flaws and the shippers raging at Elise for that Sonamy bullshit will never happen anywhere but that crappy ass Sonic X cartoon.

If Sonic 06 didn’t have nice ideas, you’d hear a lot more about  them since no one can speak anything but bile in regard to 06. No one likes the Wisps except Nintards, everyone hates the swords, the guns, the Mr. Fantastic wolf pussy, and the only complaint I hear about Silver is that “he’s slow”.

The detractors probably feel deep down that the “nice ideas” are pretty damn good, but focus on everything else that’s wrong.

When concerning the story, everyone says it’s needlessly complicated, but the only thing they complain about is the relationship between Sonic and Elise. I think the storyline takes heat from those damn shippers more than anything else. No one talks about anything else but Sonic and that needy bitch suckin face in the final levels. It’s almost disturbing. No one talks about the mythos of Sun worship and how far these crazy people are going to create a giant sun god to change history and what not, the idea of sealing a DEVIL inside of a child, the sheer awesomeness of Mephiles’s scheming, Omega actually being confirmed to be created for the sake of kicking Shadow’s ass (where by making Robotnik almost Batman like in prep time. 2 devices for taking down 2 god-like hedgehogs!?). Hell, the debate about Blaze’s status (Is she alive or dead!?) generated controversy for like….. a year until Unleashed came around and everyone started going batshit insane from a developer blog, but I digress.

If the story is bad because of “beastiality”, how do you accept the implications of interspecies relationship between humans and pokemon from Diamond and Pearl?

Oh fuck it.

This doesn’t make sense unless the argument is coming from shippers, or if they’re autistic. I mean we got Roger Rabbit with his human bitch, we got Droopy the dog with every white woman he can get his hands on, and hell, Peach might as well be fucking Bowser on the patio by now, where did Baby Bowser come from all of a sudden? Ironically, there are more pairings of Sonic and PEACH than ever before. I think it has less to do with the fact that it’s interspecies romance and more with it being treated as a serious implication. Because all those other relationships are in comedies. A Comedy screams “turn your brain off you cunt!” so the desire to care about the material on a ahem….. “personal” level (if possible) is non-existent. For 06, you’re expected to give a rat’s ass.

Whatever the reason, Sonic 06 is bad. Really bad. But not for the reasons given by it’s sheer amount of detractors. No that it matters due to the normality of hating Sonic, and 06 being the defacto example of what not to do with the franchise. And that hatred is based primarily off of programming flaws.

But even then, if you take that away, then people will attack the numerous mach speed zones, the snow boarding sections in all TWO levels, take that away, they’ll go to the beastiality issue, take that away, they go to “Sonic’s friends”, take that away and you have….. nothing. There’s layers upon layers of things not enjoyable in 06, it’s literally defenseless.

So why the fuck are we still talking about it!? Because Lost Mind NEEDS defending from it’s own set of detractors.

See, lately, the fanboys got the idea that since Lost Mind would not perform the Merkaba for the franchise, they are in damage control mode. Damage control, in every sense of the word, is the illegitimate justification of a person, place, or thing based on EXTERNAL factors that may or may not be relevant to the subject matter. Don’t like math, individual ability is at fault. Don’t like Obamacare, you’re a Nazi. Don’t like Last of Us, Tomb Raider, or Heavy Rain, you’re not the target audience. Think Mario Sunshine is shit, “at least it’s better than another Call of fucking Duty #24.”. With Lost Mind, Sonic 06 is now being used to uplift Lost Mind from bad PR.

I call this behavior “Comparative Mitigation“, and it’s one of the less common forms of damage control mostly because it is a crappy technique. By pointing out a universally reviled product, it is done to show that whatever was criticized is… “not so bad” in comparison to whatever they bring up. You can’t criticize Obama worth a damn, else you’ll hear about how much worse Bush was because he was in office when the banking system “crashed”. Recently, I got a comment from a GRNB about me liking Bubsy 3D over Yoshi’s Island. The argument is flawed because, as with all forms of Damage Control, it does not defend said product on it’s own merits and instead substitutes another inferior product in it’s place to take the blunt of the insult. And often times, you’ll hear this kind of argument from Nintendo fans because they’ve had YEARS of training since the Nintendo 64. Sony fandom is an ego fandom because they associate themselves with a successful product. The irony is that Nintendo fans took up the same behaviorial patterns after the Wii, and the damage control for the 3DS was incredible. You notice how you could never shit talk the 3DS without some asshole bringing up the damn  Playstation VITA!? Comparative Mitigation is their greatest vice.

Since current Sonic fans are really Nintendo fans, it’s no surprise why we are once again thrust back into the debates about Sonic 06. The funny thing is not only are Lost Mind detractors shit talking the programming flaws, they’re also attacking the content. You might get a few people that will go on to say that “well I like the story”, but that doesn’t make up for anything else. No one even talks about the MUSIC. That is a red motherfucking flag. Sonic games always get some praise for at least one song. But nothing!? All that hype about the same musician from Unleashed and there’s nothing on the music!? Fuck dat shit mang!

It gets really obnoxious when there are endless comparisons of Sonic to Mario. Ok, they’re both labeled platformers and there’s the rivarly of the 90s. But see, the thing that gets, out of everything else they do…. they do this as a means of bashing Sonic even more so than other franchise. No one will care about Ratchet and Clank, Sly Cooper, etc. etc. because then they’d have to admit Mario games have severe short comings. The easiest target would have to be the one with least amount of sales and the worst reception in the world. And who better than a rival mascot? I’ve said in the past that Nintards are sadistic fairies in that they take delight in tormenting any fandom that does not “appreciate” the objects of their fandom. And Nintendo fans have completely taken over the Sonic fanbase as if imperialistic conquest had been performed, so the rampant comparisons of Sonic to Mario is the keep the pure remnants at bay and silenced. And it’s easy to do so thanks to Neo Sega and their lack of fuck giving.

But the obnoxious thing is when Sonic fans do their own comparisons, the Mario sector has a STRONG tendency, and this pisses me off to no end, to go on the tangent of “well Sega is out of the console business and they’ve been working with Nintendo for a while, so the rivarly is over, shut up about it”. But these duplicitous mutha fuckahs will turn around and make a LAUNDRY LIST of comparisons of Mario to Sonic in order to silence dissent of ANY FUCKING SUPPORT anyone could have of Sonic the Hedgehog. And they know they can get away with it because, like Playstation fans prior to PS3, they’re associated with a successful product. Too successful for it’s own good, I might add, but successful nonetheless. What is Sonic? A fall from fuckin grace.

But compare Mario to Call of Duty, and it’s all about some “genres”. “It CANNOT be compared.” But you compare Mario to Sonic based almost solely on success these days.

The Sonic fandom is a big ass troll magnet. Like moths to a light bulb. You can have people like this Gligar13vids or Mariotehplumber who can go about freely ramming their dicks into the franchise without fear of repercussion because of the current normality. It’s like an African in Morocco, it ain’t safe, and no one will be sorry. How in the world can you defend a franchise that is handled by a company who would rather kill it off if they didn’t need the profits?

At this point though, I can safely say that, thanks to Nintendo’s insanity, the Sonic series is officially dead. It’s best to just move on to another franchise like other reasonable people do. Fortunately, Ratchet and Clank is pretty damn fun. HUZZAH!

Shard Reaper, mother fucker.

Now, i’ve just watched vids where Sonic…. is rolling around in Chicken machines where this white boy was saying it was “creative”. That’s the first red flag.

Then, in the next level, Sonic is being chased by sentient fruit, which is also one where you have to turn apples into urinated geysers. There’s a snow level where you’re a bowling ball for the entirety of it, there’s a desert world where the majority of time is spent in candy and a tree which makes no goddamn sense. There’s also a snow level that isn’t a snow level and is really a giant casino which equally makes no sense, no consistency within the Zone themes.

……….They really don’t give a fuck… at all, do they? I mean when are Sonic fans gonna wake up and realize just how badly they’re getting fucked by this company. I’m already hearing that they’re pissed off at IGN for giving this piece of shit a low score, because IGN has some sort of obligation to Japanese companies, right? I mean someone like me isn’t supposed to judge the game because I’ve never played it, but a company that’s PAID to play these games gets shit anyway because it’s not praise.

But either way, Sonic’s Lost Mind is not only the greatest embarrassment to Sonic fans and developers, it’s also the laziest Sonic game ever created. With all of it’s intricate splendor of game rules and shitty mechanics like turning into chicken mechs and snowballs, there’s also the time-tested nintendo rules of laziness that has been standardized within the company that, if Sega becomes to comfortable, will completely KILL the Sonic franchise faster than Iizuka could alone.

And there’s no better indicator than shit content. For one. The Lost Hex. What is this world? What is it’s significance to Robotnik’s plans? We are told that the Lost Hex is an “undiscovered” continent.

…….First off, this ain’t no damn continent. It looks like a jacked up moon. Shit, lets go to Mars and call that bitch Australia or something, the only aliens found would be US! Does that look like a continent to you? like a giant land mass surrounded by water? Sure, we’ll take Angel Island’s bullshit, but that looks like a continent.

Lost Hex is just some “undiscovered” world which gives the designers an excuse to not give it any history or mythology. Many Sonic games took place in a setting that had some significance OR uniqueness to the world itself. Little Planet fo r instance is a star that travels around Mobius (fuck Earth) every once a year and always seems to be in temporal flux thanks to the Time Stones. This would explain why it looks like Robotnik had already taken over when viewing the cartoon intro and bad ending even though when you get into the place, it seems about normal until Act 3 (if you didn’t Sankofa beforehand). Westside Island had the mythology surrounding the “mysterious stone” that ancient civilizations had worshipped before being wiped out for some unknown reason (this stone was infact the 7th Emerald). Robotnik goes here to get it. He also goes to South Island to get the other 6 emeralds. Space Colony Ark for the Eclipse Cannon. We already know about Angel Island’s Master Emerald and how it housed Perfect Chaos, the god of destruction whom destroyed Knuckles’s ancestors for the greed and lust for power.

Hell, any setting Sonic and the gang go to had some sort of significance and necessity for Robotnik’s master plans. Instead, for Lost Hex, he just goes here to build a machine to suck out energy from Mobius, I assume. The Zeti, whom he enslaves, also have no purpose or utility toward Robotnik’s plans given their ability to control magnetic waves is never put to use. Hell, going back to Sonic Colors, enslaving the Wisps was essential to Robotnik’s plan of creating a mind control device. Here, he’s just an ass who takes them prisoner for no real reason other than some minor confrontation in that comic. They have no significance toward Robotnik’s master plan of building a giant robot.

So… why… the fuck… are they on the Lost Hex? 

Reason being… it’s less work for the developers. See, everything about the Lost Hex and the Zeti spells lazy ass. Just looking at the design of many of the game’s opening acts spell random and sloppily thrown together designs. Why are many of the acts comprised of disjointed spaghetti lines!? Why is there a wall of water in Tropical Coast Act 1… that I cannot enter without being in a drill formation? See, Iizuka had already admitted that he and the rest of his ass buddies were going to be lazy on the game under the premise that you will now be able to see rings more clearly(Haha). But this laziness extends to the actual level design itself. Disjointed platforms and squiggly lines, tiny spherical platforms, straight lined tubes, the works. The look of worlds make the game feel like it takes place in the skies, above the clouds. Especially with all the smaller, floating islands and spheres you have to go through. What, is Lost Hex such a fucked up place that the very fabric of space, physics and geography are suspended for the sake of Chaos to roam? We don’t know, it’s just there. And everything takes place in the sky despite there being evidence of land on the surface.

This wouldn’t be so bad…. if they didn’t make a SKY ZONE! Lost Hex already takes place far above the damn planet and many of the worlds are up in the sky itself, no. There just HAD to be an area in the clouds right there with Iizuka’s head. Not just that, but a goddamn retread level! See, a retread level is where they take bits and parts of  previous levels to make up some sort of final level persay. The ultimate in lazy design, and something that Hideaki Kamiya seems to be a fan of considering every mother fucking Devil May Cry game and Bayonetta seem to be ass deep in! But to add insult to injury, it’s not even the final level, it’s a goddamn filler! And with Zavok as it’s main boss. If you ask me, it would make more sense for Zavok to be in the Fire Zone considering he has a DRAGON MECH and looks like the Christian Devil, but no, he’s been relagated to the fucking retread level that takes place before the only cool looking zone in the whole game.

The hexagonal shaping of the landmass was done just so they can have an easier time designing a world map. It’s not difficult to draw stage select screens on a map comprised of small hexagon shapes. How lazy is that shit!? Sure, it’s not any work to make maps on Sonic Colors, just a bunch of lines with no defining landmarks on the maps themselves, but damn.

Sega is getting too much like Nintendo. I know the game was published by those fuckers, but they took nintendo’s laziness and multiplied it by six.

Not only is the design of the game lazy, but it also screams desperate too. See, many of the game’s Acts are comprised of very inconsistent levels. Nothing seems to have a central theme beyond the first level. See, games like Sonic 3 had Acts that varied in atmosphere and environments, but they maintained a consistent theme. Hydrocity Act 1 looks like a regular sewer system, but Act 2 looks and feels like some ancient ruins. Ice Cap, Act 1 takes place mostly in a cavern at night, but Act 2 goes outside in daylight. Mushroom Hill is mostly a springtime place, but Act 2 the land is being drained. Sandopolis Act 1 is a desert with quicksand. Act 2 is inside a Pyramid with ghosts and lights as their gimmicks. Lava Reef Act 1 is mostly a volcano, but Act 2 feels like some mines with gemstone ore is being generated.

While they are different, they maintain a consistent theme within each act. There is no extreme change in your environment when progressing to the next, which has been a staple of the series up until SA2. Why the fuck am I moving from a desert… to a tree with beehives…. to a goddamn gourmet dimension with diabetic delights floating around the space!?

Because fat fuck Zeti likes food!? Please.

And a Frozen factory that holds a Casino is confusing as well. Were they so desperate to shove in as much nostalgia as possible just to say “we care about you classicfags!” Nostalgia without Context. Generations had context. They were traveling through time which game them an excuse to remake all the levels from past games and bring them to the forefront. That’s nostalgia WITH context. The context of time distortion gave way for nostalgia to flourish. Lost Hex is “new” and “undiscovered”, and has no reason for a Casino to exist on the planet seeing as the Zeti aren’t smart enough to run a business, and there doesn’t seem to be any form of life on the Lost Moon besides them.

And what of the Zeti do we know or care to know? We just know that they’re a “fabled” race that live on Lost Hex. Why are they “fabled”? Why would Robotnik go through the trouble of enslaving them if he never put them to good use beyond catching animals?

I know it’s the mark of an amateur to explain everything, but why make these…. “things” the main selling point of the game if you explain NOTHING about them? I mean say what you will about the giant Kaijuu monsters of the week, but we KNOW a little something something about them beyond inexplicable motives to destroy the world. Chaos is a GOD of destruction who punished Knuckles’s ancestor for being dicks and is angered by the world as a result. The Black Arms feel that humans are a sinful breed fit for nothing more than to be a good supply for their race. Mephiles is a being that became psychotic from scientic experiments gone wrong. Gerald Robotnik and Shadow wanted revenge against humanity for the death of a little girl. Not only that, but we know WHY they are important. Solaris is a god worshipped by a cult, Dark Gaia is an evil god that fought against Light Gaia (or that mogwai that loves chocolate), Shadow is “the Ultimate Lifeform” with alien blood, Chaos is a water god feared by forgotten civilizations, etc.

These villains have DEFINITION. They have CLARITY. They have defined motivations for why they’re assholes. The Zeti HAD Robotnik’s illogical and dickish enslavement, but they go nowhere with it. They aren’t important to anyone or anything. They have no significance in the world, and the worst part is that they have to rely on someone else’s tech just to be an actual threat to the world. Mephiles at least got an on-screen kill against the fastest thing alive with no work needed. I WANT someone to come in here and justify the necessity for the Zeti to use Robotnik’s tech.

Nothing in this game makes sense except the nicknames we give it. When you say someone has completely lost their mind, it’s implying that someone is mentally ill or behaving in a strange way. What’s strange? Completely Unusual. Not an expectation. Differing from the norm. As though the game were some desperate attempt to be completely different. That is the essence of a Lost Mind.

Nintendo ditching the Wii strategy to go after the HD crowd shows they’re out of their minds because they had a winning strategy going. Capcom ramping up on DLC to help their money troubles show they’re out of their minds because DLC was the reason people were AGAINST Capcom in the first place. Turning Sonic into Mario shows that Sega is out of their minds because Sonic’s claim to fame was being in direct competition to Mario.

And believe it or not, not having a console doesn’t automatically stop that from being the case. Turning Metroid into an FPS put it in competition with other FPS’s at the time like Halo, especially Halo. Creating the Kinect or Move put them in competition with the Wii motion controller. Turning RE6 into a action shoot em up puts it in competition with games like Gears of War or what not. What do you think turning Sonic into Mario Galazy do? Put it in competition with Mario Galazy. Hell, anyone putting games on a Nintendo console is in direct competition with Nintendo anyway, because they need to battle them for fans on their own turf. And the only company successful enough to battle Nintendo on their turf was Capcom with the Street Fighters and the Resident Evils. Why? Because Capcom put out quality shit to meet Nintendo halfway.

All these dumb asses going around saying “well Sega doesn’t have a console to compete against Nintendo” are spraying hot air. Sega not being in the business of selling consoles doesn’t mean they weren’t competing with Nintendo until now. This idiotic frenzy of pairing Nintendo and Sega together is nothing more than a power play for Nintendo to grab up more franchises to leech off of. It’s effectively removing competition on the software side and accumulating that power into their hands.

At the same time, this power play will DESTROY Sonic. If you make it nothing more than a Mario clone personified, then people will have LOST any reason to maintain interest in the franchise. You think people don’t give a fuck about Sonic now, just wait until the paid off metacritic shit rolls in. Sega will be so psyched by the fake good reviews that they will kill whatever is left of Sonic’s foundation.

Why? Well, why play Sonic if it’s going to be JUST like Mario? People will gravitate toward Mario and not even gleen at Sonic. It’s technically the same experience in a less popular franchise that is infamous for 2 bad games, attached to a company that actively flips you off these days. People pretend Sunshine didn’t happen because Nintendo hasn’t gone completely rogue like Sega.

At this point, the uncool and completely illogical content of Sonic’s Lost Mind will keep potential buyers at bay if the crap appeal of Pii U hasn’t done that already. Hell, that will be everyone’s excuse for why Lost Mind didn’t sell by the time February comes around.

In the world of entertainment, we often do not think about what goes on behind the scenes of our favorites films, music, television programming, and video games. We just see what we call the “surface values” of the entertainment we enjoy. It’s like with a piece of machinery. We don’t care how anything works, as long as it does. We only see the tv screen, and not the inner workings of the tv.

That’s really how it should be, because it says that whatever is working fine causes you to not worry about whether it is working fine. It just is, and that’s good enough for us. I’ve often said that people do not pay attention unless there is something terribly wrong in the midst. Or rather, you are at peace until thunder claps. Something disturbs you greatly, causing you to investigate thoroughly as to what is causing your disturbance. 

In video games, this is more commonplace than it should be. When we don’t like music or movies, we tend to easily ignore them for something else. Gaming is a much more difficult addiction to kick. This is a medium that you interact with. That you play with. So often times we forget that it is a piece of junk entertainment and mistake it for something real. We get too attached to it.

So when one finds something wrong with gaming, there is much more thorough investigation being done, almost obsessively, because we cannot find the obvious answers given as a final take on this issue. With an interactive medium that we treat almost as if it were real, this is only the case. Sega is one such company that requires a college major because they don’t have issues so much as they do encyclopedic volumes. 

Yet, the problem I find is not within the entertainment medium itself, but rather the people who investigate the problems within the medium. I recently read an article about Capcom’s downfall on destructoid in the author describes (in biased detail) why Capcom is shit these days. Heralding games like Okami and Viewtiful Joe in the same sentence as Resident Evil 4. Often times, there’s a lot of misinformation and/or disinformation given during the analysis of what is wrong with gaming, and it is often very apologetic. Capcom is primarily known for Street Fighter and Resident Evil. Very few people even cared about Mega Man X in comparison to the battle network series as much as it pains me to say that. Capcom is very much overrated due to their nature of catering to the hardcore gamers that make up 90% of video game message boards.

But what I find interesting is that when it comes to gaming, no giant has fallen from grace harder than Nintendo. And rarely do you find anything that spits any kind of truth against them. The most you have is one blogger that predicted the Wii would beat out the competition years ago. But other than that, you’d be hardpressed to find anyone going against Nintendo. One person Ive talked to described it as using a nerf gun against a tank. 

It’s actually not that difficult to come to the conclusion that Nintendo has been fucking up extremely. Everyone who plays games can feel it in their bones, and yet they do not want to admit this. We can easily deduce Sega is a fallen angel, as well as Capcom, Namco, Square, all these companies that have burned bridges with their fans are not excused from any critique, but when any discussion about Nintendo rises, apologetics is all you receive. Wind Breaker HD recently flatlined in Japan, and as expected, it is defended by all, especially Kotaku.

With Nintendo, any criticism of the company is first begun with praise of their long history of “fantastic” and “beautiful” games, all parading around the 3D Marios and the Metroid Primes and the equally as insane Majora’s Masks, rarely the NSMB series or even F-Zero GX if I were to go that far. Or really anything that came out on the NES and Super Nintendo. Their greatest hits came from N64 and beyond, strangely enough. After a long essay of their greatest achievements known to mankind, the description of their downfall begins, shortly followed by “I loved this company and their games but…” and then so on and so forth. I’m usually dissappointed in their analysis because they never get to the heart of the issue and provide more misinformation due to their extreme bias.

A lot of times, if one DOES go the extra mile and call them on their bullshit, I often find the rebuttals of how NIntendo “saved the industry” by making the NES or so on. It’s this historical contributionism toward Nintendo that enables them to continue doing what they do worst and may someday justify their actions due to the idiocy on the internet. H.C. which basically excuses the accused party of any wrong doings due to in part of their achievements of the past while ignoring their failures/crimes of the present. You will often see how celebrities like R.Kelly are often excused for their issues because they have “talent” and have sold records of untold millions or so. While other media fandoms have “grown up” in a sense, the gaming world remains in a fetal state of mind. Like we cannot see our childhood heroes as anything but.

When a game company starts developing mediocre titles, it is in our best interests to address the issues pervading the mediocrity rather than excusing them to create blasphemy after blasphemy. Our reasonings for not wanting to do so is fear is reality. That this hero who provided so many great childhood memories is just another corporation with their own interests in mind, not your satisfaction. It’s difficult for many fandoms to come to terms with that reality because in small part, it shows our lack of integrity and our naivete of trusting these companies, we even forgo our desires and justify why they should fuel their own instead of satisfying your desires. When you read interviews of Eiji Aonuma who pushed through with a Wind Breaker remake despite the company specifically telling him that people did not like said title, it is not some “struggle” to achieve a vision. It is someone who wishes to be selfish against your own wishes. We never ask ourselves if we really want the things that these companies wish to pursue. If it does not have your best interests in mind, then it should not be supported based on their history of giving you entertainment. That only says they “used to be” this good. What does that say today? That they’ve gotten WORSE!

It’s a sad day that the Pii U has yet to make people realize that Nintendo doesn’t have their back anymore.

So… many… frustrating… fighting games.

You know, it’s funny how the most played fighting games are Mortal Kombat, Street Fighter 2, and any Tekken game because they’re all the same. You know what I’ve noticed about these particular fighters? There’s no super impressive, gay ass counter system that people would have to depend on.

I don’t quite remember Dead of Alive games being this tedious…

We all know about the counter system, but whoever’s in charge must’ve been desperate to compete with Turd Strike. Cause this counter system is completely ass. To describe my furious anger with counter systems in fighting games, DOA5’s is the culmination of complete and utter bullshit of all counter systems rolled into one. I don’t even recall needing to switch up my directions for countering mid punches and mid kicks. It makes even less sense considering high and low punches and kicks can be countered with the same diagonal direction inputs of UB Hold and DB Hold. But Mids are somehow “special” in that you have to really need to pay attention to whether it’s a punch or a kick that hits in the middle this time. I heard this change was done in 4, and people bitched about it then, but damn. I had no idea it was that tedious. And completely illogical at that. It didn’t feel as though the games were ever dependent on the counter system.

Counter systems like this usually turn the game into a match of mindless predictions. For one, the attacks are pretty fuckin fast. Initially, you’re gonna be overwhelmed by the flurry of attacks. They are greased lightening. And because of the stun system which to this very day is the most idiotic concept ever invented in 3D fighters which one attack can instantly prevent you from attacking or doing anything for a few seconds, literally leaving you to be a sitting duck for the next attack unless you counter properly. Yes. The only thing you can do in this state is counter attacks which wouldn’t be so bad if you knew instantly what your opponent was going to do. And if the counter system wasn’t so fucked up now that you have to alternate between back and forward counter holds against certain kicks, it wouldn’t be such a piss take. The problem with DOA has always been the reliance on the counter system to substitute actual skill with mindless predictions and urging players to fight a certain way instead of one they are comfortable in. Even though this was the first series I’ve enjoyed with a busted ass counter system, Team Ninja decides to fuck that up just to make the game “more skill based” or w/e the fuck they think they can do against Tekken (always heard Itagaki hated Tekken, rightfully so I might add).

According to the franchise’s now demented fanbase who are more than just as irritating as the Street Fighter fans “the creators did not want players to be comfortable with a predictable style. The game forces you to improve-” Aaaaaaaaaah bullshit. The game doesn’t force you to improve at all. It forces you to become proficient at it’s own busted ass system. That’s not improvement, that’s removing choice. See, this is more so directed toward the AI which becomes so impossibly proficient at countering everything you do, you’re not allowed to have your own “flow” so to speak. It’s not so much improving as it is you becoming better at processing battle data and using the system to beat out that data, if you catch my drift. Improving means being able to kick ass on your own merits and your own style of fighting, not the game’s own brand of “skill based universal fighting mechanics” which rigs the damn thing and makes it less about you but more so jerking off to mechanics.

Among other things

It’s only slightly easy to ignore this system if you’re doing “couch multiplayer”, w/e the fuck that means, but if you’re going for pro in this game (you sad creature), you’re gonna be turned into a machine that reads data. This whole counter/stun thing really just needs to be taken out and have it be raw fighting. That’s essentially what Tekken and Virtua fighter already are.

The thing that kills me are all the players that are still bending over to idiotic changes like this because they wanted the fighting to not “stagnate” into the players using the same tactics over and over again (welcome to human nature, jackass). The new future of damage control is…. TA DA! “The developers intended for this”.

Fuck all that nonsense called “player freedom and experimentation”, why the purpose of life is to be the bitch of the system!

Developer Intent” is the subtle but forced application of specific video game mechanics necessitated by repetitious obstacles, situations, and level design, or denying the player access to satisfying and popular content for the sake of an ideology. The counter and stun system of Dead of Alive 5 (and apparently 4 as well given the amount of bitching going on), is one such example. Another would be this.

Yes… the guns.

I can count on hand the amount of times I’ve heard the complaints of “feeling like I need to use the guns because they’re stronger than melee attacks”. They’re…. kinda right. If you have a much better tactic, a more advantagous position of offense, why wouldn’t you take it? Well, if you thought it was for pussies, you’d be a bit upset. The guns offer you a safer vantage as well as ranged attacks usually keep you out of harms way more often than not. You’d be crazy not to use those weapons, just as you’d be batshit not to use the counter systems in many fighting games not named SFA3Max

We also have this tidbit here.

Iizuka: Shadow already offers a deep and involving storyline that unfolds with various paths and endings Thus, the primary adventure and gameplay revolves around our star, Shadow. If we decided to allow a gamer to play multiple characters, we feel it would take away from the ultimate goal.

When asked about the possibility of having multiple characters. It’s an incredibly stupid reason to deny people the ability to play as other characters… oh I’m sorry…. MILD access by way of 2 player with no choice in any of the levels.

Then you have Resident Evil. The game’s mechanics (shit controls, nigh invincible enemies, ammo starvation, and limited saves) were all complaints about the franchise up until 4, which were all justified by Shinji Mikami under the pretense that they were all done to create “tension”. The main strategy would be to run from enemies and not engage in combat…. only to be stuck in a boss fight with giant snakes or man eating plants which made all those excuses complete and utter bullshit.Tension does not mean frustrating, Mikami.

There are numerious examples, including the can of worms I dare not wish to open again for the sake of not being ripped a new asshole, but nowadays, developer intent seems to be the new “you hate it cause you suck”. The intent of the developer should not void your enjoyment of the product. I feel like a broken record saying that, but for some reason people just don’t seem to want to have more of a say in how games should be made, lest they appear “self-entitled” or w/e crazy ass mess they came up with to justify bad decisions on the drawing board. It’s like we’re afraid of challenging the developer’s “vision” of sorts because we’ve built up so much pity around the horror stories of how hellish game development can be, so we swallow w/e bullshit they put out regardless if it’s crap. Video games are wish fulfillment medium for the audience being catered to, not some experiment to create new standards and achieve developer goals (like that asswipe Iizuka with simplified backgrounds just so you can “see the rings better”. You can’t justify laziness). We gotta stop encouraging that mentality on internet forums because we are doing a disservice to ourselves as customers and fans. That mentality gives way to lost minds.

And yet, DOA5 is still more fun than SC5 and TTT2 combined. Eat shit Scamco.

Oh and this…

The only thing I noticed in this trailer… was that Zeena wasn’t wearing any panties. Can’t wait for the hentai. 😛

Oh Amma, the first guy IS emo. >_>