Tag Archive: Sonic


(random thoughts: I didn’t think Nintendo could ruin Kirby as they’ve done in Triple Deluxe.)

I recently had the chance to play Pokemon Y. (I’ll kick the fan shtick at 30) So far, I’m liking it. It’ kinda hard to decide on a team considering all the new w/e’s look ugly as hell beyond Talonflame and maybe the frog ninja who’s name is preposterously difficult to remember. I get to this city in the “coastal” region, and I can’t progress beyond a certain point because some random chick in a bikini stops me and says “I dropped a fossil, please wait until I find it”. At that moment, my opinion of the game quickly dropped. “This is their excuse of holding me back? Really?”

Never mind that you should have the ability to swim around the stupid bitch, but that needs an HM as well as for some reason, your character can’t swim. Oh he can skate and do grinds but the water isn’t deep enough for you to not take a slight dive. GameFreak has never been good with arbitrary barriers that halt your progress until you’ve completed some task in the games to unlock new paths. The most they can do is put up literal road blocks and say “the road is under construction, please wait until later”. Later never comes until you do something about it. Obviously. But often times I think… “where’s the fun in that?”. Pokemon games have worlds that constrain players by the most arbitrary of barriers that GameFreak seems ever so content on continuing. Ledges you can’t jump over even if they’re 1 foot high (but have to jump over from the other side), trees you can’t simply squeeze by without activating an HM cutscene that takes at least 10 seconds (and Amma forbid if you have plenty of trees to cut down!), Pokemon games can’t seem to shake off the bullshit since day 1.

A while back, I had the prescriptive thoughts behind the meaning of RPG. More specifically the… “Role Playing Game”. Typically, it means you play the role of characters you choose in board games with the most retarded looking dice out there. But going deeper, what does it really mean to “Role Play”? What is a Role? A role is basically a part you play. In What? A movie, an operation, an activity, a process… basically a “job” you perform in an attempt to “contribute” to a team or just people in general. A role is that in which you work.

In an RPG, the role of Archer is back up support. He stays out of the way and picks off people from afar. The mage makes it easier to kill things and can bring people back to life if need be, and the knight is the blunt damage dealer. They all serve roles. This is the party in which everyone is like a giant clock. And the clock only works when all the cogs spin in cohesion with each other. If you play the role right, you will be rewarded. If you perform well in your job, you will be rewarded. Doing your part is rewarding.

Given that, it isn’t difficult to see why no one likes them 😛 . No one enjoys being constrained by… anything really. What is an RPG, it’s a game of constraints, you see. I can see why Yamauichi implied that it is a genre that attracts the depressed. Depressed people are usually the ones who feel constrained. To be constrained is to be revoked of your power. Power to do what? Power to make your own decisions. Power to change the course of your journey. Power to do anything other than serve the roles that you are assigned.

An RPG is a genre that denies power. It demands that you submit to it’s will. To flow with the currents of it’s own choosing. You are merely a willing participant.

So of course… the obvious answer would be to avoid the RPG. Of course… that isn’t possible. Like gays, RPGs are being pushed into every facet of gaming (if it wasn’t obvious already with the amount of stats you have to keep track of, even in a goddamn racing game like…. Sega Racing Transformed?). But… this isn’t about RPG’s. The same philosophy that drives RPGs… can be found in games without stats, even. All the games that feel like hollywood with their scripted nonsense, with their pointless padding, these PC Adventure games which aren’t at all adventures but rather a pair of wood with strings attached to you. Every game you see now feels like a job. A role to play by another’s hand.

For a while, I’ve been trying to bang my head around why Sonic games simply aren’t fun anymore and have rendered the series as irrelevant. Early on, I had commented on the appearance of the homing attack in 2D Sonic, an abnormal addition that was necessary in 3D Sonic for the sake of making combat a non-headache. And one commenter stated that it is to maintain game flow. What is “flow“? Flow is essentially your ability to perform a job well without hindrance. At the same time, flow requires that the person be in full “enjoyment” of the process. There are very few people enjoying Sonic games today. That could be contributed to the fact that the games feel like tasks, one in which a flow must be maintained by the player. Flow is really a mental state that must be maintained to perform a task without hindrance. That means Modern Sonic games are fucking work!

When describing Sonic in terms of a game, it’s a faster “platformer” heavily steeped in pinball physics. But described in terms of a Role Playing Game, you play the role of a super fast hedgehog who is constantly “in the zone“. In truth, playing the role isn’t very fun. But dictating the role is.

That’s why in a lot of ways… people can’t quit Nintendo. See, Nintendo’s games didn’t innovate anything other than giving you power. What kind of power? Why… the mortal sin of allowing you to walk a different path!

Nintendo games gave the players what? Freedom in how to progress. Freedom is Power. To be without hindrance.

As it turns out, some of the best selling games and franchises of all time… are also the games that give you the most power. Grand Theft Auto, Minecraft, the Pokemon Series, the earlier Mega Man games, and even the earlier Sonic games. There are many reasons people continue to herald most post-2K video games, not simply as some sort of “nostalgia”, but a sense that these games gave players power. And it was one of the many attractions of Nintendo games. Super Mario Brothers with their Warp Zones and Warp Flutes, short cut cannons, and even Lakatu clouds. Pokemon will forever remain fun so as long as you have the power to assign roles to specific pokemon. You can have one to deal damage or to absorb damage, or to cause status ailments and be used as mere hunting dogs. You have to power to create humble workers who are loyal to their strong general. Nintendo games weren’t great because of an esteemed amount of quality (it’s involved, but not the secret ingredient!) Nintendo games were great because they put you in a position of power.

This is the benefit of video game entertainment. The Fun Factor of interactive entertainment is to grant the user power. The power to be free of constraints. After all, people considered these games to be “escapism”. You wouldn’t need to escape if you didn’t feel constrained, of course.

And when Nintendo went away from their origins of granting the user power? The results speak for themselves. They become like everyone else. Their games self-destructing their save files if you break a particular sequence… is a constraint. Everything Aonuma Zelda… is a constraint. Sakamoto Metroid… is a constraint (an INSULT at that). Playing their recent installment in Kirby feels most definitely like a constraint.

It always seems to be the case… in every sector of life. The more people evolve, whether they age or develop better skills, there seem to be more laws in place to constrain them. As a baby, you have too much freedom because you don’t know a damn thing, and you’re basically the boss of your parents. You can make demands that they will never understand because you need it. But as soon as you learn to walk and talk… there are ground rules in place. Now you can be spanked!

And you betta believe yo mama could wield a weapon of ass destruction.

 

You get older, you go to school, you find more laws in place. You don’t do well, you don’t get luxuries, or you get held back a grade (or that’s how it used to be, thanks NCLB). And when you reach 18, there’s a shit load of laws. You have bills to pay or you get arrested, you have speed limits to follow, you have juries to attend (With a $15 compensation and a thousand dollar consequence, ain’t that a B?) you have selective services, you need health insurance just to avoid a higher tax, you need licenses to get married. To grow food. And please, hold your explanations for why these laws exist, that ain’t the damn point. And I damn sure ain’t in the mood to read all about it. 😀

The more people grow, the more constraints come into place. The more technology grows, the more constraints come into place. With that, it is easy to see how constrictive gaming has become. Used games were nearly wiped out, even. Why is it so that evolution begets constraints? A hindrance of power? It can’t be the excuse of how dangerous humanity “just is”. Who creates the constraints? Those who are already in power. Those in power wish to maintain power. By hindering those without power, they have nothing to fear. To be withheld of power and to be told that power is something dangerous to have… you have a more complacent and more compliant people. You notice how most people who love these powerless games… always seem to adhere to the principle of “what’s good for the developer” instead of “what’s good for me”?

It is because they have been denied power… and have taught themselves that power is not a necessity… and may even be a bad thing. Notice how the games that give you the most power (most Arcade Centric titles and GTA) are often times the games that get attacked by the hardcore? It might be inherent or something of a hivemind, but deep down, game developers know… that giving the players a taste of power in their games… creates demands and expectations. The player will actually want certain things in games. The player will want the return of warp zones and alternate paths in video games. The layer would want more options with equal consequences. The bottom line is the players will want better of the power they had before. The developer, however, wishes to have the power alone. Creating a game of hindrances (Aonuma Zelda) and trying to convince people that this is how the games have always been! It is a devious.. yet often repeated… strategy of maintaining power. If you can convince people that they were never meant to have power… then they will not seek it. They will often demand their own subjugation. And that makes it easier to control them.

The hardcore couldn’t be better slaves to the current gaming environment. Powerless games create powerless customers. And yet, there is growing disinterest in games every day. Why is that? Because people realize that they don’t “need” gaming for entertainment. But people do need to feel “powerful”. If they can’t go to video games for a typical power fantasy, then where can they go? There’s no other outlet for feeling powerful, nothing in the civilian environment is created to make powerless people feel powerful, that’s too dangerous for those in power. And if a video game is not made to make the people feel powerful, then what good is a video game?

I call it “junk entertainment” for a reason. Junk is undesirable, don’t you think?

Can anyone tell me what the fuck these Fairy types are weak to?! These pink bastards are whoopin my ass.

 

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Something called “Hover” for 8th gen consoles. Looked neat.

I recently picked up the Sly Cooper collection out of boredom and an impulse buy on cheap prices. And I was genuinely pleased. Finding this and a copy of Dynasty Warriors Gundam (that shit is HARD to come by) made my month. Good thing too, I didn’t get a damn thing for christmas.

I’ve only played the first game and the thoughts that come to my mind are varied.

1. Is Carmalita’s outfit legal? Who cares!?

2. Do all white people think voodoo is demonic?

3. Why do I have to race for keys?

For the most part, I was a tad terrified when I was tasked with finding 3 keys to advance to the next area, but considering how the format is, it really just feels like I’m completing regular stages where you avoid obstacles and traps while kicking ass. All while being interrupted by that pussy turtle. And I was pleased. “Finally”, I say, “another 3D platformer aside from Ratchet and Clank that feels like the REAL shit!”

It’s not until I get to the first twin stick level where my enthusiasm dropped immediately. Instead of sneaking through areas and past guards, I must instead open up 40 treasure chests while tackling crabs preventing them from taking ONE.

Is it just me or was the 6th generation filled to the brim with 3D platformers that have stupid shit like this? And Sly 1 is loaded with these types of levels. The game puts you in a position where the dynamics of the game are completely changed in favor of “providing new gameplay” all the while causing more of a headache than need be. The one level that pissed me off the most was needing to collect fish to fuel a flamethrower to light 50 torches in 2 minutes. Not only is that illogical, it’s also a very stupid level.

One of the rules of game design that I feel is the most essential for any game is not make a situation where the player finds him or herself asking “why do I have to do this!?“. And no, not even story reasons can justify what people would consider stupid gameplay.

3D platformers seemed to be a cursed genre filled to the brim with stupid gameplay. It didn’t matter if it was Mario or Sonic or whatever, there’s always some stupid shit that gets in. Insomniac was incredibly smart to change the dynamic of Ratchet and Clank from a straight up 3D platformer into a full blown shoot em up to avoid the pitfalls of having to work around a camera. Though I assume this is because of a perception that 3D platformers were a huge pain in the ass to create. There was a Nintendo developer who stopped working on 3D Mario because the games were incredibly tedious to design, and no matter what the camera would always be an issue. But it would also explain why these games have so much bullshit like the racing levels. Seems every 3D platformer is in love with racing games. Racing in Going Commando, loads of racing in Jak 2 (and hell, the whole damn series became some overblown racing series) and quite a few in Sly 1.

This is a point that I try explaining to the Sonic fans and is partially a reason as to why people kept demanding 2D Sonic. 2D Sonic didn’t have bullshit up until Sonic 3 (and more so in Sonic 4 E1). 3D Sonic is bullshit paradise. Course, the response I usually find is “well, at least the games have a variety of gameplay styles” or “well the player shouldn’t get bored so these things are justified”. The thought process is that the game will get old if you’re doing the same thing over and over and over again. This is always the excuse. As if the dynamic of the game MUST be altered throughout the course just so the game cannot get boring. You know why that is? Because developers have made games that damn boring.

The problem I see in all 3 of these franchises (ratchet, Jak, and Sly) is the same problem that ALL games this generation and past have. The more you progress, the general gameplay doesn’t feel different from the last few levels. There is no emergent gameplay present. What happens is that the game is dependent on the bullshit to provide the emergent gameplay. It ultimately fails because the experience isn’t as fun as having the later levels expand on what ever gameplay is already present. Emergent gameplay is expanding on the already existing gameplay that you have now. If all the levels are designed in the same way (Sly has you doing pretty much the same thing in every level), then the game becomes routine. Routine is the boring part that the hardcore keep referring to. And the problem is developers have become so lazy that everything they put you through since the 6th generation is all routine. All the levels are designed the same exact way with very few minor differences. Nothing grabs you by the conkers as you progress.

You see, games prior to the advent of 3D didn’t have this problem. The games were all simple enough that developers could easily expand on the gameplay without putting in bullshit. Why? They knew deep down the games would have enough action to keep people interested. The 2D “platformers” actually had action in them, but also had plenty of stage elements that kept the game fresh as you progressed. Think about Ristar for a moment. How the first level is basic training, the second is swimming, the third is flames with switches and pulleys, all of these elements expand on existing gameplay without taking away the dynamics that people are used to. In Ristar, you might be swimming, but you’re still attacking enemies and avoiding traps in mostly the same way. It’s not until world 4 where you start looking at the bullshit like that damn music box.

To use another example, think Sonic 3 from Angel Island to Hydrocity. Angel Island is basic training, you get familiar with Sonic’s/Tails’s abilities and just blast through the level in it’s spectacle. But in Hydrocity, now you’re underwater and have to traverse to abyss while keeping an ear out for your lungs. Now, you’re underwater and your speed and jump height are affected. Now you have to look out for bubbles. But what you doing to achieve this? The same thing you did in a previous level. Running, jumping, etc. to get to where you’re going. That’s emergent gameplay. Thats how you make the game feel less routine and more desirable to progress through. In Sly Cooper, none of the levels feel different in any way besides a change in setting. They all rinse and repeat the same traps and enemies with no shame. It’s so pitifully easy that I just blaze through the levels without a fuck given. This is why Sly Cooper “needs” bullshit to keep it fresh. There is no emergent gameplay. Sonic 3 didn’t need it (but still had it with drums and traffic lights)

Most of the gamers on the internet have more experience with the 3D games in which they develop the perception that games NEED bullshit just to stay fresh and exciting. If the game itself isn’t exciting, it’s not worth playing in the first place. Most gamers on the internet are also very stubborn people who believe 2D games are primitive and must be forgotten, which exacerbates the problem. If games like Sly Cooper were fun enough without the need of bullshit like chicken hunting for “gumbo”, you’d see less praise for games having a variety of gameplay. Think about it. Most 3D platformers get praise for having a variety of gameplay styles except Sonic. Most 3D platformers have incredibly SHITTY gameplay variety that don’t play well at all, yet they get praised just for being there. Sonic has variety, people demand excluding all that for the Sonic stages. Why is that? Because the Sonic stages are fun enough that the bullshit gets in the way of them. Other 3D platformers don’t have a fun dynamic in which they are DEPENDENT on the bullshit just to keep people from falling asleep. Therefore they get praise regardless of actual quality. I’ve never seen Tekken games praised for Volleyball or Double Dragon minigames, or bowling. Why? Because the main dynamic (the fighting) is (supposedly) fun by it’s own accord.

Sonic fans suggest that an SA3 needs bullshit like treasure hunting and hub worlds with nothing to do besides crappy “missions”. Why? Isn’t the High speed levels fun enough without treasure hunting getting in the way of that? You’re not going to be easily bored from the speed segments (hopefully)  so there isn’t a need for treasure hunting or hub worlds with nothing to do. Unless platformer fans just like looking for shit endlessly for no reason (would explain the undue praise for Jak and Daxter as well as 3D Mario).

It gets boring because the game is designed to be routine while the devs think the bullshit will keep it fresh. But what the bullshit really does is take the load off their shoulders. None of the “bullshit” even feels like the engine and mechanics were designed around them, they’re just there to break the monotony. And they’re not fun in the slightest. Even the bosses are designed with bullshit in mind (they would make the haiti croc boss some silly rhythm game, the stereotypical fucks)

Sly Cooper isn’t the worst thing I’ve ever played (that award still goes to Skyward Sword), but the bullshit keeps it (or at least the first game) from being a fully enjoyable experience. It’s a problem 3D games in general have, and I don’t see this changing in the near future.

Coincidence or paranoia?

Every game that was on a Ninturd console just about… has had Nintendo’s cock plastered all over it in some way. Tekken Tag 2 had Mario and Zelda costumes (the lamest shit you will ever see in Tekken, yes lamer than the new titty monster in Revo), Monster Hunter had Zelda costumes, Dynasty Warriors had Zelda and Metroid costumes, Rayman Legends with Mario costumes, and now we’ve got Sonic with goddamned yoshi levels. Hell, there’s Harvest Moon on 3DS with Mario Mushrooms you can grow in the corn fields.

Now, I don’t know if it’s the order of the publisher deal, but Nintendo appears to be using these franchises to promote themselves. I’ve never known a company outside of maybe Disney that was obsessed with saturating their own dicks.

One has to really question the motive behind these moves. After Brawl was turned into one massive Nintendo pride parade, and then moving on to Nintendo Land and the upcoming Smash 4, the term “why” comes to mind. Why does Nintendo feel the need to over-self-promote, internally and externally? Why are they so obsessed with their past history?

If people bought Nintendo consoles to get a taste of Nintendo history, why did the N64 and Gamecube fail? Gamecube had so many games from Nintendo’s franchise history, but none of them saved the Gamecube from being shit. The Wii had very little from Nintendo’s franchise history and it kicked ass. Regular people don’t recognize Nintendo for much more than Mario and Pokemon at this point. Even Smash Bros. is a passing interest nowadays. Making games that promote Nintendo’s history has proven to be detrimental to Nintendo’s success. It expresses the full force of their vanity, and people don’t like vanity. PS3 failed because it was steeped in vanity. Aonuma Zelda fails because they are vanity projects that express the glory of hardware gimmicks. Anything Quantum Dream does fails as they’re all vanity projects. Mega Man 9 and 10? Same story.

Nintendo, however, is working through other companies to show their vanity. All this talk about wanting 3rd party support has nothing to do with wanting games to sell their console. It has everything to do with wanting games to sell Nintendo. There are still a plethora of 3rd parties that are resistant to Nintendo, and here you can see why. Nintendo couldn’t give 2 shits about 3rd parties. They’re only using their games as tools to promote themselves and say that there are 3rd parties that like Nintendo enough to be butt-fucked with retarded costumes. And whats the pay off? Pii U is dead everywhere. Therefore, how can Nintendo promote anything outside of REAL advertising?

Of course, the common response would be “ur mad over some costumes”. Count em up though, that’s 6 fucking games in under a year with Nintendo’s shameless self-promotion. 7 if you include goddamn Nintendo Land. It’s as though they’ve completely lost sight of why 3rd party games need to be brought to the console. If I buy a 3rd Party game, I don’t need to be reminded of who published the fucking game. See, that’s the thing with Nintendo it seems. If they publish anything, it needs some sort of “seal of quality” stamped on it’s ass before they press the discs. This behavior wasn’t so common until now.

And of course, that brings us to Sonic’s DLC. More than a slap in the face, actual Sonic fans are denied real Sonic content in favor of promoting a Nintendo game no one will buy. Wasted potential and talent for sure, but it certainly shows what Nintendo’s true motives are. They don’t give 2 shits about the Sonic franchise, and why should they? Sonic isn’t shit in Japan (or the world atm), so why not give all the Nintards the “Free advertising” they can get? The Sonic brand is harmed enough, but Nintendo doesn’t seem to realize they’re basically pissing on it. The imagery of Sonic being absorbed into Mario’s world after a history of a heated rivarly that is, for better or worse, fucking historicly epic is harmful. It pretends the rivalry never existed (and if I had a dollar for everytime I heard the phrase “TIMES HAEV CHAAAANGED!”, the IRS would be up my ass for years), and distorts the claim of Sonic having an identity crisis. It’s essentially rewriting history. It’s so blatant that it pretends that Sonic was always a Nintendo property in which Nintendo can do whatever they please with it.

But the question remains still. What…. is…. the benefit?

Having a Tekken game doesn’t help due to it’s accessibility and presence on Playstation consoles (and BS3 being out longer), no one outside of Japan like Monster Hunter, Rayman Legends sucked, Dynasty Warriors has always been niche, and Harvest Moon? Has that shit EVER been popular? Why would Nintendo seek out franchises that no one cares about……. to promote themselves?

Nintendo needs someone to give them a swift kick in the ass.

Nintendo Fanboys in the Sonic Fanbase.

I’ve had that kind of suspicion for a while. When you have a grand majority of Sonic fans that literally begged for a Lost Mind, you have to truly wonder if these are actual Sonic fans or some external entity.

It is extremely rare for anyone to demand a series become more like an external franchise, especially that of a rival mascot. When a series has a fanbase, any kind of fanbase, that fanbase has set expectations of what they want out of this series. Afterall, why did they become fans of it if not for it’s own merits? It’s unnatural for a Sonic fan to want Sonic games to play more like Mario games.

I’ve noticed, more often than not, that people who’ve played other games go into something new with the expectations of old. Like say if I were to play Ratchet and Clank prior to, lets say, Jak II, I would be furious because the game plays nothing like Ratchet and Clank. Would that be a fair judgment? Hell no.  Of course, these things happen because when you’ve enjoyed something so much, you now have standards of what you like to see in certain games. It’s possibly the reason so many FPS’s have the same features and have an over-abundance of online multiplayer focus.

But with Sonic fans, most who’ve grown up with the series since the beginning (the casters) expect the games to have the same shit that was in the original 2D games, but expanded and improved on. The problem, however, is that Sega has over-fluctuated the series to the point that the fans are in a perpetual state of disorder. Hell, even the company “claims” to not know fuck all about what Sonic is about.

Now, why Nintendo fans are the most vocal about Sonic is easier to decipher. I usually have a statement that “Sega fans are Sonic fans, but Sonic fans are not Sega fans”. And this is true to every extent. Sonic going multiplatform, the series has audiences on Playstation and Xbox. Nintendo has shit 3rd party support no matter what they do (except their awesome handhelds). Sega and Capcom seem to be the only people that… try, at the least. Now see, Playstation fans happen to be the biggest assholes of all gaming communities, but also happen to be extremely easy to please considering damn near every game with some marketing is considered the “greatest game of all time” for no reason other than it’s existence on the Playstation brand. Xbox fans…….seem to be real gamers as they keep their mouths shut and just play. Don’t really have any experience dealing with them.

Due to Nintendo’s shitty 3rd party support, Playstation and Xbox fans can easily ignore the Sonic franchise as it spiraled into the land of mediocrity while they gain several titles that have some effort put into them. Since Nintendo fans can’t get the support that Sony gets on a daily basis, they have to settle for what they can get. So any third party title that sticks around for Nintendo is “assumed” to be a Nintendo owned entity (how many times have people claimed that Sonic was owned by Nintendo? Some even thought Tales of Symphonia was a new Nintendo franchise!) That said, Nintendo fans had expectations of Sonic games living up to the standards of Nintendo’s so-called “Seal of quality”. Since… you know, they don’t get much else beyond Nintendo’s progressively shittier games. Sonic titles must smell like roses in comparison. Specially after Other M.

So the reasoning behind why they desire Sonic to be like Mario is ofcourse the fallacy of expectations from a deferring franchise. Because they have played Mario, they expect other platformers to carry the same conventions as Mario. Mario is, unfortunately, the “standard” for most platformers to go by, and since Sonic is wrongfully lumped into the platformer genre for simply “jumping” on shit, it is assumed that Sonic must succeed by riding the coattails of Mario. And not just any Mario. No, it has to follow the Mario formula that the hardcore Nintards adore. That means the shitty Mario games. That means the 3D Mario games. The Standard Grafting Fallacy.

The author of the article points out a few key Nintendo games that the Nintards simply don’t care about. See, Kirby lacks “intricacy” aside from that yarn shit. It’s easy for them to ignore Kirby because that’s one of the few Nintendo franchises that hasn’t been completely destroyed by Nintendo’s misguided quest for “innovashun” and still maintains arcade centrism within it’s games. Paper Mario is either-or. Not really sure how dark Paper Mario is (At most, it just seems to be a joke series). I would point out the Metroid series, but then I remembered Nintendo fans don’t like Metroid either. Instead, they’ll find (as he said) vague examples within the kiddiest Nintendo games just to prove Nintendo games aren’t kiddy.

It’s an amazing achievement when even Nintendo fans can’t even point to their most mature franchises (Metroid, Fire Emblem, F-Zero which had twerking bikini models for fuck’s sake) to prove a damn thing. The hatred of all things M-rated comes directly from Mortal Kombat and Playstation fans being the grand assholes they are about everything. I mean damn, when everyone kept saying Nintendo was family friendly, that gave the PS2 crews all the fire they needed to troll the loving shit out of the Nintendo fandoms. Believe me when I say they’ve gone off the deep end into the pit of insanity after them verbal ass whippins.

None of that excuses the drastic change in tone with the Shadow the Hedgehog, of course, but when most of those “mature” complaints are thrown at 06 for simply having a more complex story, holy shit. When Sonic fans accepted SA2 even with it’s more complex (if you could call it that) story, then man did the gameplay of 06 scar everything.

Sega fans, for the most part, have completely stopped giving a damn about Sonic and focused on everything else because we ALL felt that Sega just wasn’t going to give two nut licks of a fuck about Sonic the Hedgehog because as we ALL know by now, they hate the damn series. So who else is gonna care about it aside from the Nintendo brats? Especially with the deliberate catering to them?

I need to stay off Facebook.

Considering all the FBI/CIA collusions going around, that is. 😛

It’s quite sad that the only bit of interest in Sonic is the on-going retardation of the fanbase. I don’t know if this is some estranged attempt to troll people or not, but when you have a fandom that is so goddamned ignorant of reality, they make for entertaining posts.

A question for the fans… After the Dreamcast failed to gain enough support, Nintendo stepped in and helped SEGA find a new exclusive home within their company through the Adventure and Advance series, and these titles sold the most out of many and were the most popular Sonic titles, and to this day Sonic games on handhelds are considered the best of the bunch with the Rush series seeing fair praise and more…

First off, Sega didn’t need any help. They had been developing games across platforms since the 80s. Hell, they even supported the Neo Geo Pocket. For the most part, Sega had been making and porting a lot of their titles to the PC way before they thought of Nintendo. Also, the sales part is incorrect. Sonic Heroes on the PS2 sold more than Sonic Adventure 2 altogether. The Advance games barely sold at all, and aren’t referenced much because they’re mediocre and poorly designed after the first. Plus, Sonic games were competing against Mario and Pokemon on Nintendo’s turf. Sega has a much bigger advantage on a console where 3rd party games have a chance in hell to sell. Capcom was the only developer so far that could meet Nintendo halfway on their own turf. No one outside of the core fanbase even cares about the handheld titles, including the Rush games.

The myth of Sonic’s handheld outings being “the best of the best” honestly needs to be destroyed. Are they more enjoyable than the console games? By far, yes. Are they memorable? Do they leave an impact on you? Fuck naw. Wanna know why? The handhelds are only good for gameplay reasons. Content wise, they’re shit.

That would’ve been fine though had the content remotely resembled the console Sonic games (when they were still good at least). The Advance and Rush series were so goddamned bizarre, they felt like a completely different series altogether. You know what you’re getting when you play a Pokemon game because they all have the same essence overall. How the fuck do you expect me to compare Sonic Adventure to Sonic Advance when they’re so different in everything they do? You can’t draw any real connections beyond character appearances, it’s like a marvel cartoon and a marvel live-action movie.

It don’t work out very well!

So a simple answer, why do you hate so much for Sonic to be exclusive once more now on Nintendo consoles and why do you ridicule and burn SEGA over doing exactly what they did some time ago today?

Simple Answer? Ok. No one wants to buy a piece of shit console to buy a piece of shit game.

Sonic is not desirable enough to warrant the purchase of a new console, especially one as dysfunctional and confused as the Pii U. People don’t enjoy buying hardware because it’s expensive and usually only do so out of some perceived necessity. Most people don’t care what kind of Computer they get as long as they get to do what they want with them (porn online fuck yer).

There is no benefit to owning a Pii U like there was with a Wii. But a much bigger reason is Nintendo fans usually get inferior Sonic titles anyway. Sonic Unleashed Wii is a castrated mess, even if it is better designed, it’s boring and missing 2 worlds. The HD consoles have 2 generally more interesting Sonic games. You know why? Because Sega bought into the “casual” marketing hype generated by the American game industry that painted Wii owners as a bunch of unmitigated retards who deserve nothing but the bottom of the barrel. So Nintendo fans would be discriminated against with shitty games. That includes Sonic.

That said, putting Sonic on a Nintendo console means putting in less effort. That combined with Sega’s lacking care for Sonic in general and you have a deadly combination of chunks to blow. With that, you have LESS reason to be excited for Sonic games to be exclusive for Nintendo consoles. Nintendo fans have very low expectations and no real sense of quality which gives Sega a reason to put in NO effort. It’s harder to please HD fans considering the higher prices they have to pay (because they ALSO bought into the “used games” lie). Sega can essentially get away with not giving a fuck about Sonic by offering it to an audience that does not care about quality. Remember their 08 fuck it clause? Where they blatantly said they were going to market it to children? Come on, a company that is too damn cheap to rehire Unionized Ryan Drummond and lies about ingredients used in their restaurants (yeah, Sega owns food joints) and you expect them to put in work for a series they do not like?

Yeah, there’s just… SO MUCH REASON to support their decision now, isn’t it?! Fuck wit.

You loved seeing him on Nintendo consoles back then, and never cared his exclusivity with Nintendo then either, so why have have the tables turned today?

Because then Sonic went mult-platform. And Sonic saw much better success with the Playstation crowd even though they specifically can’t stand Sonic.

It’s easy to excuse the Wii considering it had a much higher install-base, and was a better console overall. Gamecube-wise, people had higher expectations of that console until around 2K4 when it was apparent that it was shit for anything outside of Nintendo. Though, people didn’t have a problem with Sonic on Nintendo consoles because most of the Sega fans didn’t move on yet. 2006, it was apparent to Sega fans that the HD twins were going to get vastly superior Sega games because Sega cares about hardware power above all else. That also meant half way decent Sonic games. Around 201o, it became apparent that Nintendo lost their minds and went batshit crazy, and so gamers had a mass exodus from them to the HD twins, including a good majority of Sega fans. So this new deal is considered a middle finger from Sega. To be punished by not being able to get a new Sonic game? Pff.

And for the record, no one outside of the Nintards enjoyed seeing Sonic on a Nintendo console. It’s still very bizarre to see Sega supporting a former competitor like a crazed fangirl on prozac. People figured that it was just how it’s gonna be. But then Sega went multi-plat, and all bets were off. The nintards enjoyed it because to them, this was victory from the console wars. Nintards believed that Sony and Microsoft were devils destroying video games (It’s true to an extent), so they felt like an alliance from Sega would help Nintendo SAVE GAMING! Because Space Invaders never happened, right?

Everything else is kinda retarded and makes no sense.

That doesn’t even get into the crux of bullshit you could find on official Sonic forums. 5 top reasons Mario is better than Sonic. In yet another vain attempt of Nintards to troll Sonic fans, we get the most undetectable source of it. But all you need is to read this one line for your bullshit detector to go off.

It can make a loyal Sonic fan wonder in frustrated exasperation “How? How?! HOW can Mario be so much more popular than Sonic?!” Well, I’m here to offer some insight on the issue.

Who the fuck needs insight on why Mario is more popular than Sonic!? That’s common knowledge and for good reason. Sonic became irrelevant through developer disinterest and content fluctuation up the arse. You don’t need to go any further beyond Shadow the Hedgehog to understand what went wrong.

What more is that I have to laugh at all of these reasons.

#5

Since when? Last time I enjoyed a Mario game was one with NO content (NSMBW). That’s not above and beyond. When the majority of your Mario fans like the 2D games more than the 3D, and the company in question DELIBERATELY sabotages the 2D games to push people toward the 3D games, that’s not going above and beyond for fans. That’s going above and beyond to flip them off.

the Mario developers still manage to serve their fanbase using a method not many developers use: finding out what the fanbase likes, and then offering something completely unanticipated.

d7bec-lol1

Now, the way I write this makes it sound like any other developer/fanbase relationship, including the negative connotation that comes from the phrase “completely unanticipated”.

Because that’s exactly what it means. Notice how he doesn’t draw any examples of Mario 64, Sunshine, or Galazy? Because the negative connotations come straight from those games.

When you have a series with an established “style”, then you have a fanbase with “expectations” for that “style”. 2D Mario outsells 3D Mario because it served the expectations that haven’t been served for well over a decade due to Miyamoto’s refusal to the idea. Nintendo KNOWS what their fans want, but they’ve refused to do exactly that. The features in 3D World? Mario fans wanted that for NSMB. They don’t do so and continue to stagnate the series to destroy it. But they put those features in 3D Mario, games that Mario fans statistically do not want over 2D Mario. Mario fans, much like Sonic fans, do not want bullshit fetch quests and gimmicky levels. And that has become the standard for 3D Mario. Mario games used to have “action”. 3D Mario isn’t about action, it’s about intricacy. Gamers don’t like intricacy. Nintendo does, and they FORCE it on the fans.

If Nintendo really cared what their fans want, they’d put some of those nifty features from 3D World and the content from Galazy into New Super Mario Brothers. But they won’t. Why? Because THEY don’t like New Super Mario Brothers.

To this day, if you tell ANYONE that NSMB outsells Mario Galazy, they will use all the bullshit reasons they can find to justify it. But it undeniable that the Mario fans really want the RAW shit! Not the cut. Nintendo knows this as well, but they damn sure won’t serve em.

#4

I could name a few Mario titles where I feel that some concept was underdeveloped or just didn’t belong.

Notice he never names specific Mario titles to illustrate his point. This is an attempt to downplay the negatives of Mario games in general. Everyone will agree on Sunshine being a turd, but are hesitant to do so for Galazy 2, Super Paper Mario, Mario vs Donkey Kong, Mario Pinball, Mario Sticker Star, Yoshi’s Island, Mario Party, Mario Golf, 3D Land and the like. No, they target New Super Mario Brothers as if that series was the very spawn of Yurugu himself. This pisswad deliberately makes apologetic statements about Nintendo making idiotic decisions for gameplay changes that make no sense.

#3

Oh look, he’s beckoning more discussion about Sonic 06. Nevermind that Sonic games have been more polished since that tragedy and people still don’t buy the Sonic games.

Polish doesn’t make a successful game. Any Capcom fan could tell you that. If a game plays well enough, all the bugs in the world would not stop it from selling fuck tons if it makes gamers erect.

#2

I find it funny that I’ve never seen these types of discussions until after I started this blog.  But if you wanna talk about rude and crude, lets bring up the Mario RPGs, SPECIFICALLY Super Paper Mario which is the most juvenile game I’ve ever played.

If there’s one thing that never remained consistent with Mario, it’s being cool.

#1

After all this talk about identity, boundaries, polish, pandering, etc., you might feel confused. It is a lot to take in, and there’s more to these concepts than I will ever be able to talk about. However, there is a common thread to link all these points together, a source that gives the Mario developers the ability to do these things I’ve stated. What is this mysterious variable? It’s confidence.

BULL……FUCKING……..SHIT!

If Nintendo was confident in Mario Galazy, they wouldn’t be moving away from it to make games to attract the NSMB crowd. If they were honestly confident about their main series Mario games, they wouldn’t change up every single installment trying to find a foundation to build up. Sunshine, Galazy, and 64 are ALL different in gameplay and content even though the objectives are the same boring bullshit as usual. If Nintendo was confident in Mario Galazy, they wouldn’t feel the need to teach people how to properly play it by putting in a DVD in a sequel that is more desperate to defeat NSMBW than a proper continuation of a series. They had to BULLSHIT themselves in thinking that no one bought Galazy over NSMBW due to “accessibility” issues. Because of their incredible hatred, they are scared shitless of the inevitable fact that 2D Mario is king. They aren’t confident at all, they’re batshit insane.

Miyamoto does not like his previous works and would prefer changing Mario for the worse. Mario Sunshine is proof. Yoshi’s Island is proof. Sticker Star is proof. And yet, he gets his ass running back to recycling content from old Mario games. If he was confident in his abilities, he wouldn’t need to look back to the days of ol’. Or rather the investors lack faith in him.

What Nintendo’s real deal is arrogance in believing they can dictate quality. But when the fans truly vote with their wallets, oh the excuses roll out like fine wine. “Poor marketing, accessibility issues, oh they don’t want so an so” and onward. If they were truly confident, they wouldn’t have to make excuses for their products not meeting a sales goal. Or being outsold by something else.

No, really, Sega fans can smell bullshit a mile away, but this asswipe has these folks goin like this is a legit examination of Nintendo and Sega. Sega simply doesn’t care about Sonic to perfect them. Sonic is not popular in Japan like Phantasy Star, Yakuza, and Virtua Fighter. There is much bigger priority for Sega to attend to Japan’s needs, and Sonic is not one of those needs. Sega also has no console, so Sonic is even less of a priority to maintain. The point of a mascot was to sell a console and your company as a symbol of quality. Without a console, Sega has no motivation or shits to give for Sonic. That’s the entire issue. Mario is big worldwide, so Nintendo can’t afford to fuck up. Even when using a formula THEY KNOW DAMN WELL is not loved.

Then again, there is no reason to expect anything from a Sonic forum that is dominated by Nintards.

What’s this!? No stupid bitch!?

Sonic’s Lost Mind, currently causing a thousand shit storms over the webs because IGN did….. the same damn thing they do with plenty of Sonic games, hype it the fuck up and then toss it to ground, planting it’s ass firmly in the air to prep it for the long dick of their hypocrisy. The funny thing is…. I’m reminded of all the mess that came after Sonic 06 was released. It’s as if we played Regal Ruins all over again.

Damn I love Sonic R’s soundtrack. The damage control is in full force, and it ain’t pretty. You get complaints about bad controls “OH YOU JUST SUCK!”. Don’t complain about bad camera angles, you’ve never been a photographer.

I was previously asked by someone from SAera to do a defense for Sonic 06, and initially I had to pass on the request. There is a staggering number of problems against this game that you’d have to be pretty nuts to try to put together a coherent defense for it. And on a personal level, I don’t even like the game myself. I had to play it again after a long 7 years to see if it’s still as bad as I remember…. and yeah, it is. I actually tried a homing attack on the Wolf Robot and found my ass blasting off into outer space.

It was the funniest and (probably) coolest thing to ever happen in a Sonic game, and it was all by accident. It’s like Sonic took his self inserted game over from Sonic CD and took it to the next level and said “farewell cruel game!”

After fiddling around with the Silver boss fight and trying to get passed the Mach speed zone of Crisis City, I said “fuck this shit” and found a save online so I could play through most of the game without the effort and increase in blood pressure. I actually found Silver’s game more fun than initially seven years back. There’s just something about pulling bars apart and hurling loads of shit around at enemies that gives me a sense  of empowerment. And since he’s slow as molasses, it’s much less frustrating when trying to focus and fight enemies. After a while, even Sonic felt smooth to play through. Shadow’s game, I actually hate now because of that fiddigity ass homing attack nonsense where you mash the jump button as soon as you hit an enemy, and that would be his main attack. Plus, his game is bloated with vehicles and mini-missions where you spend more time looking for items or destroying search lights. And how does Shadow have access to his glider while being trapped in the future? Why does Chaos Spear only stun enemies and not KILL them!? O_O

Nerd perception aside, the PS3 version might have better load times as they weren’t a total bother like on the 360, though it seems to have more bugs (I can’t remember). I notice that when the characters land after a jump, they seem to stick to the ground a few seconds sooner before they actually touch the ground. It just irks me. I actually flew off loops in Wave Ocean a couple times despite being an automated sequence, and Flame Core, falling off the walls randomly while running, but these were about the only instances I’ve encountered so far. Everything else seems to work ok and I guess people over-inflated the frustrations of the Mach speed zones in Crisis City (dat shit was getting on my last nerve too), cause most of the complaints come directly from Sonic’s game. Sonic’s mode is the buggiest out of them all especially since the Mach Speed zones have terrible fuckin controls that don’t respond when you want to turn, which doesn’t help since half of Sonic’s stages feature the damn mach speed zones so it’s something that’s hard to escape. Praise Amma there are only 2 stages with snowboarding or else I’d go clinically insane from that shit. The Elise stages are bizarre in that you need to create a barrier just to go over sand and water. Where does that power even come from!? And why can’t I just run across that bullshit?

Overall, Sonic’s technical problems are probably inflated for everything else in the game cause I didn’t experience shit with Silver or Shadow combined. And the technical problems are the primary focus of “everything that went wrong with 06.”

Everyone talks about the bugs and glitches (most of which are very rare I might ad) and the bad playability, the controls, the camera, etc to explain just why this game bad. Fine. It’s easy to admit the game’s technical problems are there, and they can affect playability to an extent (cue Crystalize calling me a hypocrite). The game is a technical example of what not to do with any video game release. I doubt anyone could blame it on hardware inexperience as Sega has made 2 games for 360 prior to Sonic 06 (Some racing game and Phantasy Star Universe). From what I can gather, PSU isn’t hated for anything other than gameplay direction. “Now it’s a button mashing fest” or something. No details on technical problems or what not. It’s safe to say that Sega just didn’t give a fuck and put out a flawed product and then tried to scoop it under the radar (If Weber’s recent comments weren’t any indication). It’s simply inexcusible for this company put out games with these kinds of faults.

Ok…. now put all that bullshit into a box and label it as…. “Programming Flaws”. And put that into a separate area and look at the game without that box in mind. Can you say, in it’s entirety, that it is a bad game?

People reading this are quick to say “YES! EXTREMELY!”.

The additional characters, an attempt at a plot that isn’t made for anyone with no nutz, a return to “adventure style” gameplay, the RPG-esque gem system…….. music even?

A lot of 06 supporters are quick to say that 06 has nice ideas (none of which I see). Detractors are quick to disagree based on pre-meditated biases of the games flaws. But seeing as every game after it has been considered “RUINED BY GIMMICKS“, and seeing as the only problem people have with 06 is Programming flaws, I’d have to say they’re right. No one gives a shit about Sonic 06’s primary gameplay ideas enough to bash them into hell. It’s all about the programming flaws and the shippers raging at Elise for that Sonamy bullshit will never happen anywhere but that crappy ass Sonic X cartoon.

If Sonic 06 didn’t have nice ideas, you’d hear a lot more about  them since no one can speak anything but bile in regard to 06. No one likes the Wisps except Nintards, everyone hates the swords, the guns, the Mr. Fantastic wolf pussy, and the only complaint I hear about Silver is that “he’s slow”.

The detractors probably feel deep down that the “nice ideas” are pretty damn good, but focus on everything else that’s wrong.

When concerning the story, everyone says it’s needlessly complicated, but the only thing they complain about is the relationship between Sonic and Elise. I think the storyline takes heat from those damn shippers more than anything else. No one talks about anything else but Sonic and that needy bitch suckin face in the final levels. It’s almost disturbing. No one talks about the mythos of Sun worship and how far these crazy people are going to create a giant sun god to change history and what not, the idea of sealing a DEVIL inside of a child, the sheer awesomeness of Mephiles’s scheming, Omega actually being confirmed to be created for the sake of kicking Shadow’s ass (where by making Robotnik almost Batman like in prep time. 2 devices for taking down 2 god-like hedgehogs!?). Hell, the debate about Blaze’s status (Is she alive or dead!?) generated controversy for like….. a year until Unleashed came around and everyone started going batshit insane from a developer blog, but I digress.

If the story is bad because of “beastiality”, how do you accept the implications of interspecies relationship between humans and pokemon from Diamond and Pearl?

Oh fuck it.

This doesn’t make sense unless the argument is coming from shippers, or if they’re autistic. I mean we got Roger Rabbit with his human bitch, we got Droopy the dog with every white woman he can get his hands on, and hell, Peach might as well be fucking Bowser on the patio by now, where did Baby Bowser come from all of a sudden? Ironically, there are more pairings of Sonic and PEACH than ever before. I think it has less to do with the fact that it’s interspecies romance and more with it being treated as a serious implication. Because all those other relationships are in comedies. A Comedy screams “turn your brain off you cunt!” so the desire to care about the material on a ahem….. “personal” level (if possible) is non-existent. For 06, you’re expected to give a rat’s ass.

Whatever the reason, Sonic 06 is bad. Really bad. But not for the reasons given by it’s sheer amount of detractors. No that it matters due to the normality of hating Sonic, and 06 being the defacto example of what not to do with the franchise. And that hatred is based primarily off of programming flaws.

But even then, if you take that away, then people will attack the numerous mach speed zones, the snow boarding sections in all TWO levels, take that away, they’ll go to the beastiality issue, take that away, they go to “Sonic’s friends”, take that away and you have….. nothing. There’s layers upon layers of things not enjoyable in 06, it’s literally defenseless.

So why the fuck are we still talking about it!? Because Lost Mind NEEDS defending from it’s own set of detractors.

See, lately, the fanboys got the idea that since Lost Mind would not perform the Merkaba for the franchise, they are in damage control mode. Damage control, in every sense of the word, is the illegitimate justification of a person, place, or thing based on EXTERNAL factors that may or may not be relevant to the subject matter. Don’t like math, individual ability is at fault. Don’t like Obamacare, you’re a Nazi. Don’t like Last of Us, Tomb Raider, or Heavy Rain, you’re not the target audience. Think Mario Sunshine is shit, “at least it’s better than another Call of fucking Duty #24.”. With Lost Mind, Sonic 06 is now being used to uplift Lost Mind from bad PR.

I call this behavior “Comparative Mitigation“, and it’s one of the less common forms of damage control mostly because it is a crappy technique. By pointing out a universally reviled product, it is done to show that whatever was criticized is… “not so bad” in comparison to whatever they bring up. You can’t criticize Obama worth a damn, else you’ll hear about how much worse Bush was because he was in office when the banking system “crashed”. Recently, I got a comment from a GRNB about me liking Bubsy 3D over Yoshi’s Island. The argument is flawed because, as with all forms of Damage Control, it does not defend said product on it’s own merits and instead substitutes another inferior product in it’s place to take the blunt of the insult. And often times, you’ll hear this kind of argument from Nintendo fans because they’ve had YEARS of training since the Nintendo 64. Sony fandom is an ego fandom because they associate themselves with a successful product. The irony is that Nintendo fans took up the same behaviorial patterns after the Wii, and the damage control for the 3DS was incredible. You notice how you could never shit talk the 3DS without some asshole bringing up the damn  Playstation VITA!? Comparative Mitigation is their greatest vice.

Since current Sonic fans are really Nintendo fans, it’s no surprise why we are once again thrust back into the debates about Sonic 06. The funny thing is not only are Lost Mind detractors shit talking the programming flaws, they’re also attacking the content. You might get a few people that will go on to say that “well I like the story”, but that doesn’t make up for anything else. No one even talks about the MUSIC. That is a red motherfucking flag. Sonic games always get some praise for at least one song. But nothing!? All that hype about the same musician from Unleashed and there’s nothing on the music!? Fuck dat shit mang!

It gets really obnoxious when there are endless comparisons of Sonic to Mario. Ok, they’re both labeled platformers and there’s the rivarly of the 90s. But see, the thing that gets, out of everything else they do…. they do this as a means of bashing Sonic even more so than other franchise. No one will care about Ratchet and Clank, Sly Cooper, etc. etc. because then they’d have to admit Mario games have severe short comings. The easiest target would have to be the one with least amount of sales and the worst reception in the world. And who better than a rival mascot? I’ve said in the past that Nintards are sadistic fairies in that they take delight in tormenting any fandom that does not “appreciate” the objects of their fandom. And Nintendo fans have completely taken over the Sonic fanbase as if imperialistic conquest had been performed, so the rampant comparisons of Sonic to Mario is the keep the pure remnants at bay and silenced. And it’s easy to do so thanks to Neo Sega and their lack of fuck giving.

But the obnoxious thing is when Sonic fans do their own comparisons, the Mario sector has a STRONG tendency, and this pisses me off to no end, to go on the tangent of “well Sega is out of the console business and they’ve been working with Nintendo for a while, so the rivarly is over, shut up about it”. But these duplicitous mutha fuckahs will turn around and make a LAUNDRY LIST of comparisons of Mario to Sonic in order to silence dissent of ANY FUCKING SUPPORT anyone could have of Sonic the Hedgehog. And they know they can get away with it because, like Playstation fans prior to PS3, they’re associated with a successful product. Too successful for it’s own good, I might add, but successful nonetheless. What is Sonic? A fall from fuckin grace.

But compare Mario to Call of Duty, and it’s all about some “genres”. “It CANNOT be compared.” But you compare Mario to Sonic based almost solely on success these days.

The Sonic fandom is a big ass troll magnet. Like moths to a light bulb. You can have people like this Gligar13vids or Mariotehplumber who can go about freely ramming their dicks into the franchise without fear of repercussion because of the current normality. It’s like an African in Morocco, it ain’t safe, and no one will be sorry. How in the world can you defend a franchise that is handled by a company who would rather kill it off if they didn’t need the profits?

At this point though, I can safely say that, thanks to Nintendo’s insanity, the Sonic series is officially dead. It’s best to just move on to another franchise like other reasonable people do. Fortunately, Ratchet and Clank is pretty damn fun. HUZZAH!

Shard Reaper, mother fucker.

…….Yeah. NERD SHIT POWERS ACTIVATE!

MK9’s Story kills off everyone for no reason.

In Mortal Kombat 9, the game acts as a semi reboot sequel to Armageddon. At the beginning, we see a glimpse of everyone that is dead and Raiden sends a message to the past… you get the idea. So… by the end of the story mode……. everyone dies anyway. Except for all the crackas.

I don’t get the idea behind the need for Raiden to be tasked with the need to save the world from armageddon….. and having led to the death of everyone close to him anyway. What’s the point? If they’re going to do an MK10 (which they will), then this shit needs to be resolved. Oh I’m sure they might just make the characters appear anyway (Because NO ONE ever dies in Mortal Kombat as they say) but it just reeks of bad plotting. Especially in regards to Sub-Zero, who’s transformation into a robot feels tacked on. No… really, they make him a cyborg in the story which would give him some Robocop plot of fighting to maintain his humanity…… and then he’s killed off anyway.

It begs the question of Peter Griffin’s Breakfast machine. What was the point of all that!? The character arcs and development that went on throughout the story are rendered arbitrary and useless as everything that occurs up until Sindel’s massacre is thrown into the garbage. Liked any of the characters not named Johnny Cage or Sonya Blade? Namely KUNG LAO!? Well that’s too bad! You’re gonna have to deal with that shit…. man! Or blame it on Raiden being a dipshit who can’t do anything right. Like saving Smoke from a pack of ninjas, but refusing to do the same for Sub-Zero…… or…….. graveling to Quan Chi to exchange the souls of earthrealm’s warriors for a chance to save Earth realm from Shao Khan….or…….. KILLING Liu Kang and acting all surprised that he killed Liu Kang with his GOD LIKE power.

……I never liked Raiden anyway.

Deadpool’s game has no point.

Yeah, fuck all the marvel fans foaming at mouth. This shit irks me.

See, the quality of Deadpool that makes him so popular is his randomly fitting quotes of comedic genius and breaking the forth wall multiple times. The problem with breaking the forth wall is that it’s only funny when it’s RARELY done. Self-aware characters are only funny with a perfectly timed fart, where as High moon studios is a fart that’s been going on for 2 hours.

See, everything about this game is ruined as soon as you start the story. It lets you know that everything that goes on is a video game. The point of the game is for Deadpool to make a game while pretending the plot is serious. A game about Deadpool doesn’t have to be serious, believe me it would’ve been worse, but don’t kill the joke before you get started! If the audience is made aware that the whole premise is just filming for a game, then the audience can’t even get into the game. Like when Deadpool talks about a cheap prop in his apartment. It’s not funny because the sense of randomness was destroyed. Why? Because we’re already aware that everything is fake and a game by the game’s own narrative. A lot of the game’s jokes center on breaking the forth wall and talking about “funny tidbits” that occur in video games, but it’s not funny because the content makes you aware that it’s all about making a game anyway.

Do you see where I’m coming from!? Cause I don’t even know what the fuck I just wrote!

Lisa and Zack are literally the token jobbers in DOA5’s story mode.

Ok, I have very little familiarity with the story of DOA…. but according to the asinine fanbase, Zack is supposed to be a pretty bad ass fighter. So….. why is he just being a punching bag for every character that appears in the game? And Lisa? Shit, people fight Lisa for ANY reason, it seems. Kokoro fights her for accidently bumping into her during a DANGEROUS EXPLOSION WITH CHAOS ERUPTING IN THE STREETS! Their lives are in danger, but “Hmph! That’s no excuse for this woman-chan to knock me into the ground during mass hysteria! Fuck that, my friend-chan!”

This is just unfortunate implication up the wazoo.

Zael is a hypocritical Jack ass in The Last Story.

Ok, for a guy who goes through the trouble of wanting to be a knight, and then finding out that knighthood is nothing more than an excuse to rape and pillage regular ass people on the Gurak continent, then refusing knighthood from Count Arganaan because he’s a dick, and then proceeding to destroy the Outsider Cannon, he changes his tune when HIS folks are getting attacked.

No really, he was fed up with Count Arganan’s bullshit, knowing full well he abuses his power and authority to plunder other people’s because of that weapon he uses, but decides it’s best to use it anyway when the Gurak decide it’s payback time for the nigh destruction of their regular ass women and children. You’d think Zael would be like “no… you deserve this Arganan” or something, but he goes along with this mutha fuckah to use the cannon to destroy the Gurak anyway.

Ok, fine. The Gurak are also attacking regular ass people (and had 2 prior invasions as well), but at some point, he should’ve been going crazy and think “if these knights were doin shit like this to THEIR people, is it really US that are the instigators!?”. He doesn’t even think about that, he goes along with the genocidal plan anyway!

And to add insult to injury, the cannon didn’t do shit. Of all the…

Another thing that irks me… if Dagraan was so pissed off at General Asstard for leading an attack that led to the deaths of his family and comrades, why not just kill him and be done with it!? No, he ends up becoming the final boss and trying to gain ULTIMATE POWER for himself while manipulating more wars to occur. If war was something you were against, you’d do all you can to PREVENT that shit from happening. Or maybe he just likes power….. cause’s a Maruk.

Why isn’t that Castlevania Arcade game ported to the Wii?

The controls use technically the same shit that is the Wiimote. So why isn’t dat shit on wii!? We got dat weird ass fighting game instead! All the missed opportunities….

Why does Leo care so much about some onboard computer in Zone of Enders?

See, in the game, Leo is a kid who grows attached to a computer AI system on-board of a flying robot bad ass called Djehuty. It’s ok, cause he’s a kid….. and kids are naturally kinda dumb. But as he grows older in the sequel…… he still has a hard on for a disembodied voice chip. Even more disturbing, Dingo (the 2nd Runner or w/e) implies that there’s an actual, amorous relationship going on between Leo and the voice chip. What fuckery is this!?

Damn that Trans-humanist agenda.

Aya should know better in Sonic Unleashed.

One of the side stories you get to do in Maizuri is help a woman find love. Well, not really, she finds it but her father doesn’t approve. So you go through some shit ( I used a completed save cause I wasn’t about to replay the damn game), eventually the father approves and Aya can finally marry the man of her dreams.

Problem is that man is from Shamar. And if Sega was going for realism, that Shamar person would’ve killed every Masai in the village if he had the chance. Or enslaved Aya and her family for castration.

See, Maizuri is based in African, Shamar based in Middle East….. let me be frank. Arabs fucking hate Africans. I don’t know why, nor do I care. This relationship offends me and realistically would’ve never went down so simplistically like it did here. I know the Japanese are (willfully) ignorant of the world around them, but dammit, do some research beyond other world mythologies. Otherwise, you’d make Sonic out to be the biggest moron in the world.

Speaking of the world, why is everyone so calm when the shit is split apart?

Tis all.

If Sega should listen to anyone from nintendo, it should be Tsunekazu Ishihara

Ok, yeah, there’s some retarded detective pikachu which will probably sell fuck tons, but that’s aside the point. Everyone keeps saying that Sonic Team should take pointers from the Mario franchise, but I ask why bother? Mario sells on his name brand more than anything else now after they killed NSMB. The large majority of Nintendo games continue to dissappoint everyone except Metacritic, and Iwata’s consistent track record of apologies for broken promises never fail to amuse.

On the other hand, Pkmn XY keeps people happy.

While I probably won’t ever play the game due to personal fatigue of trying to catch em all, I’m sure XY is still a fun series. Black and White certainly blew the 4th gen pokemon games away and returned to the simple rules of “water beats fire”, and that’s the fucking end of it. No silly ass methods to obtain pokemon like honey trees or braille translations, no extreme hardcore nerd focus on EVs or poffin for beauty, and not a lot of research to do online just to catch anything. Go back to basics, and the games will feel right at home. I didn’t play BW2 knowing damn well that shits a rip off, but I digress. Every pokemon game (sans RSE) has had elements in them that made them fun almost…. 90% of the time. And consistently too. How, out of all Nintendo franchises, did Pokemon remain untouched in it’s fun factor?

Perhaps it has something to do with Ishihara’s own philosophy on making games.

When it comes to marketing, Ishihara doesn’t focus much on making something for the purpose of selling, as he looks into his own “playful heart” more than anything. Unless he’s satisfied with a product and personally thinks its entertaining, he won’t give it the green light.

Ishihara thoroughly plays them to make sure it meets his standards regarding what he considers to be entertaining.

IE, he goes into game design with making sure the game is actually FUN to play, first and foremost. Most game designers do not understand this concept as they believe that “polished gameplay” alone makes a game fun. It’s alright if the game plays well and works the way it was designed, but it means absolutely nothing if that gameplay does jack shit for the player. Of course, Sega doesn’t care if their Sonic games are fun to play at all (and neither do ALL developers aside frm Naka and SOA, it seems), so they push out product without any regard for the fans entertainment value. Since in Japan, Sonic is not famous, so the focus on making good Sonic games is bottom priority. It’s ironic as they keep making Sonic games to sell and make money. It’s a disgusting practice they will never grow out of. If you focus on just making a product to get cash quickly (IE NSMBU), then everyone will not respond to it favoribly.

Do Sonic games get any play testers outside of possible focus groups that may very well skew the perception of the quality of the game in question?

I believe that when the makers get tired or bored of making, that’s when it should immediately be stopped.

Who at Sega wants to make a Sonic game? None of them. So why contnue making Sonic games? Because it’s the only series making money. So why not hire people that legitimately WANT to make a bad ass Sonic game? Because they’re too stupid. They’ll keep ramming out shallow titles just for some quick cash.

When it comes to continuously providing something new, to a degree, it also means losing some of the older good qualities it originally had,” explains Ishihara. “Then you take that, and make it into something that can be accepted by everyone, by cautiously implementing new ideas. That is where we have to put in untiring effort—or rather, you could call it a challenge.”

Sega throws caution to the fucking wind when it comes to implementing new ideas. When it comes to providing something new, it means losing some (or all, really) the good qualities it originally had. IE, Sonic lost every god damn thing. Think, Sonic fans are in civil in trying to figure out what Sonic is about. How much fluctuation in content and gameplay did it take to have a fanbase THIS divided? Many folks would consider going back to the roots as a means of returning to Sonic’s sensible mind to fix things. But it is shown that Sega DOESN’T want to go back. That’s why Dimps was allowed to ram their “speed craze” into the games, turning them into glorified rollercoaster rides with no soul or substance. Spectacle be damned.

Now, we have claims that Sonic has an idetity crisis. Afterall, Lost Mind is Mario Galazy 3. And everyone thought this would fix everything. Nothing was ever fixed by putting your face on another identity. African people will never fix their lives by stamping their faces on white power, what makes you think stamping Sonic’s face on Mario’s fame will be an automatic win button? Staying true to your own essence is the key to your own liberation. But who am I kidding? Sega is gay for that Italian sausage.

While Pokémon is known for having most of their success in a market towards children, when Ishihara is working on a Pokémon game, he doesn’t make it while thinking exclusively of the younger audience. He also thinks about the audience’s generation, race, gender, and what he feels they would find amusing, as he works on a game.

Wasn’t this something that Yuji Naka once said? To think of international appeal? Where is the international appeal for ANY of Sega’s current titles!? You can’t. Sega is Japanese focused almost exclusively to the bone. And young children? Young children aren’t that easy to amuse. I think Disney learned that the hardway with their Winnie the Pooh films which catered to a children audience and all failed at the box office. If Sega thinks they’re slick enough to try that kind of shit with a series that was UNIVERSAL in it’s appeal, they got another think coming.

“If we settle ‘amusement’ in a halfhearted manner, then people won’t look twice, so we must thoroughly make it into something that can be considered amusing, and not stopping until we achieve this, is what’s important.”
“If there’s even one person who says that this is just for play, so it’s a little boring, then it’s an issue that must be fixed,”

How many Sega games do you like to replay over and over again? Zero? Me, I got Super Monkey Ball. No bullshit.

I can’t even look at any other Sonic game aside from Shadow the Hedgehog and Secret Rings to enjoy. That’s honestly the last 3D Sonic games I have yet to stop playing. It’s sad as this was the game that destroyed the franchise. Sonic games these days are only good for a first time experience, and then you just want to dump them as soon as possible. Shit, we played HEROES more often than we do Generations. Colors is a 1 day rental, and Unleashed is too frustrating to enjoy.

Sonic was a spectacle series from the get go, but the old titles had substance. Even the Adventure games had substance. That was LOST after Sega made their exodus from the console business. So now they just make games (all of them, really) with only spectacle and “hardware showcasing” in mind. They make nothing outside of Super Monkey Ball replayable after the first time.

Keep in mind that Nintendo’s games are in the same boat outside of Pokemon. Brawl’s too shitty to go back to.Pokemon remains fun despite the casual fatigue most would feel from constant battling and catching, etc. So for all the nintendo fans that keep saying Sega needs to take advice from Nintendo, I agree. Just no one named:

1. Miyamoto

2. Aonuma

3. Sakamoto

4. Sakurai

5. Whoever keeps making those gay ass Yoshi games.

6. ESPECIALLY Iwata

7. No one that Nintendo fans actually care about.

No, people like Ishihara have sense at Nintendo (or the Pokemon Company if you anal retentive cunts want to get into details)

Hard.

Someone photoshop “<<<<” in the middle of this pic.

I love the smell of Public Relations. It gives me pleasure in seeing how much Nintards can swallow bullshit.

If we trace Sonic’s third-party roots all the way back to just after the Dreamcast, we released Sonic Adventure 2: Battle on the GameCube and it did phenomenally well. We think that’s because there was a lot of overlap between the Sonic/Sega and Nintendo crowd at that time, and we just found historically that Sonic performs really, really well on Nintendo platforms. Sonic Colors did great, Sonic and the Black Knight did well and Sonic and Secret Rings did well — all Nintendo. When we look at the numbers, we thought — this is clearly where our audience is.

SA2 also sold well over PSN and Live, making sales charts for 2 months in a row. Sonic 06 sold well enough to make Platinum hits, same for Sonic Unleashed. None of the Wii Sonic games even made Nintendo Selects.

SA2 sells because it’s a quality Sonic title. Not because it has “the most fans on it’s platform.” If people want it badly enough, they will go where ever it is. People wanted Minecraft, they went straight for Xbox 360. People wanted NSMBW, they went straight for Wii. People DEFINITELY wanted Sonic 06, so they go straight for that. Wii owners were looking at SR as a sad disappointment until the “Metacritic to the rescue!” phase rolled in. Shit, I’d be willing to bet the Sonic fans are all on the 360 now because of 06.

Even then, they’re ignoring the fact that the Wii’s install base was that much bigger than the HD twins, giving Sonic a significant advantage on that system than otherwise. Along with the DS because… who the fuck buys the PSP for Sonic Rivals!? Even then, why would none of those Sonic games make Nintendo Selects? Even Rayman Origins made that in Europe.

And none of the new Sonic games since Sonic Rush have sold well… at all. Even the hypocritical Nintards who would defend Epic Yarn’s piddly sales would say those piddly sales are crap for Sonic.

It’s possible that he’s going on about Sales Behavior and not raw salesSonic games making a million in under a year (while easy enough) is impressive for a franchise that has no appeal. But otherwise, for Sega especially, it’s pathetic. Why stop after a million? They wouldn’t need to make so many Sonic games if they were honestly selling well.

And if that was the case, why didn’t they port Generations to the Wii? Because it wasn’t HD. They were even thinking about ditching the fucking 3DS because they didn’t believe it would perform well (and they were right for the time being). What’s this “Nintendo is awesome” shit for now? You didn’t have that tune for Sonic 4 Episode 2! No space nigga! You thought Generations should be celebrated with GOOD GRAPHICS! Now it’s suddenly a problem? Lost Mind was going to be multiplatform. PC even! Obviously, Nintendo is paying you to suck them off because you wouldn’t give a fuck about the Pii U if they didn’t pay for  exclusivity. Sega did NOT give a fuck about Sonic fans on Wii or DS after 2010. They still don’t now. Nintendo is the publisher of this damn game. That is the ONLY reason this is happening, and that Sega is up and suddenly taking note.

The Nintendo nut riding that Sega is doing can only foreshadow what is yet to come. Rumors this generation have been damned accurate, and this bit here is only making it official.