Archive for October, 2013


Male Wii Fit Trainer in Smash 4.

It’s funny how the only interesting new characters thus far are only Sonic and Mega Man. Infact, more people were excited for a gay angel and Sonic in Brawl.

So far, the only announcements from this game are returning characters and crappy stages. There is odd. I sense NO hype for this game.

This is a similar situation with Sonic 06. There was incredible hype for that title, but after that, all interest in the Sonic franchise evaporated. The same thing is happening with Smash Bros. Brawl was hyped to all hell, but there seems to be no real interest in this game. There was more interest in Sonic’s Lost Mind. That irks me.

Smash Bros. should be getting a pedestal and a gold medal for potentially saving the Pii U. Infact, any confidence people had in a certain title to save the Pii U is long gone now. Pikmin 3 dissappeared without a trace, and the Sonic fandom is having a drama meltdown over the predictable failure of Lost Mind.

But why is there very little talk of Smash Bros. 4 anywhere besides the Nintendo cult hubs?

Because of stupid shit like Wii Fit characters.

An AVATAR for a fitness program is NOT a real character to put into a crossover fighting game. People want RECOGNIZABLE ICONS for the mascot fighters because these kinds of games are DREAM MATCHES! Do you know what a dream match is!? Fanboys dream of their favorite characters doing battle with others. Mario, Sonic, and Mega Man all in one crossover bout is a FANTASTIC idea! It sucks people have to get a shitty console for it, but that is a great idea and should sell plenty of fans on it, especially since the Mega Man fans are starved for Mega Man fanservice thanks in special way to Capcom. It’s fine because people usually run toward things for that “one special element”.

You don’t watch Godzilla for the human stories, you want big kaijuu battles! You didn’t go to see “The Forbidden Kingdom” just for some martial arts mythology, you wanted a fight between Jackie Chan and Jet Li. There’s nothing wrong with that, but if you’re going to have an element that’s roughly 5% of the entire package to attract people to your product, then you need to go back to the drawing board. Sonic 1 wasn’t the fastest thing alive, but people kept coming back to Sonic. Why? Because the ENTIRE PACKAGE was just that mother fucking good. Same thing with Smash Bros and especially Melee! They hit the G-Spots of the fandoms!

So why is there little interest in Smash 4!? Well, combined with the fact that there is NOTHING interesting in this game beyond a late installment crossover with Mega Man, but the horrendous stench of Brawl’s entire package was so bad, it’s deterring any actual interest in this title.

The last Zelda game people gave a damn about was Twilight Princess. NO ONE was hyped for Skyward Chore, and no one gives a damn about Link Between Worlds. You know why? The ENTIRE PACKAGE of all Zelda titles since Ocarina have been abysmal. People stopped playing NSMB because the ENTIRE PACKAGE was intentionally shallow. Why did people still gravitate toward NSMB and not 3D Mario despite all that? Because the ENTIRE PACKAGE of 3D Mario is a shallow fetch quest.

There’s a selling point and a substance point that needs to be addressed. Selling points worked well back then because games weren’t that big of a deal, and money wasn’t that tight. Most of the time was spent in arcades or at blockbuster. Overtime, games became affordable and selling points worked well. Now, games are NOT as affordable, so selling points don’t have much people. People are PRESSED about a high price tag because the money is no longer good. You can’t sell people on the dream match of Mario, Sonic, and Mega Man like you could’ve on the Wii with Brawl when… you know… YOU HAD THE FUCKING OPPORTUNITY! Why? Because the Pii U is total shit at a premium price. No matter how awesome that kind of battle sounds, no one is going to buy your shitty console at that price. The controller itself is a major turnoff and I couldn’t fathom how to play Smash on that piece of shit. There needs to be a SUBSTANCE POINT for why people should buy Smash 4 when 1. Brawl was an awful game 2. When Smash 4 is taking on Brawl’s own gameplay with less content assuming that Nintendo’s mentality of “gameplay>>>>content” takes hold 3. When it’s possible that all new characters will be awful “creativity” obsessed abominations like “Iwata head” from Brain Age!?

Do you see the idiocy of making 2 Wii Fit characters? It tells me that you don’t care about Substance anymore! And especially with the trollish Nintards parading around how much better Nintendo games are than Sega games based on “more polish”, but if that’s all a game needed to generate hype, where the fuck is it for Smash 4!? I haven’t heard anything about Mario Kart 8 either! Wind Breaker HD is obviously a failure, and no one is bringing up Pikmin 3. How is that game doing!? Since Pikmin 3 was going to be shit, now it’s being ignored by everyone including the Nintards! Where are the statistics of how well this game is doing based on some bullshit called “polish”?

Nothing Nintendo is doing as of this moment attracts anyone anymore beyond Pokemon. That is literally all they have now, and I’m quite glad to see they haven’t fucked that series up if they know what’s good for them. But Smash 4!? Where is the hype? Where is the interest!? Where is the appeal!? Why would anyone give 2 shits about 2 Wii Fit characters!?

Well, Wii Fit is popular in Japan!

Did Japan buy Wind Breaker HD? Metroid games period!? You know, all the games Nintendo DESIRED to make? Oh, they’re in the bomba bin!? Then fuck em! Don’t reward your shitty market with characters that repel your LARGEST market!

How is it that back then, Nintendo knew how to attract people to their games, but now they have no desire to do so? Is it because Yamauichi is gone that they’re free to do as they please? Probably.

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Now you’ve truly doomed video games.

See, once the feds catch wind of this interview, you are going to see more and more “violent video game” controversies rise up, because now they will have proof that video games have this…… “power” to cause insurrections against the government.

All these video game controversies of violence leading to every deadly shooting is of no coincidence with reports like this. This is why censorship is becoming a much bigger issue in entertainment than usual. Because now fantasy mediums “inspire” defiance against those in power. This was… never a problem for America because we’re all pussies who cower in fear of big brother, but now it’s like they’re gonna clamp down harder on video games with several more false and irrelevant controversies just to get the public on their side… to censor video games and bring them under the same control as Hollywood.

The government needs a people that is stupid and unable to see beyond the box of the system to keep control of that people. If a perception outside the system is shown to them, the risk of this perception spreading like wild fires to everyone will, in theory, awaken them and possibly cause a stir of rebellion across the land. This is why deception is much more important than terrorism. Instead of using fear tactics to scare the people to your cause, you make them believe what is night is actually day, and make them fear the night instead. And you can’t do that with a medium that “inspires” people to fight for the greater good or w/e. So, thanks. Video games (like the internet), will come under a RAGING fire now.

Hmm… soon after DmC, Capcom goes broke, and their coverage of being broke asses becomes sensational in the gaming world. Coincidence?

 

One thing I want to point out is that this is a site dealing with theory. To many, the very notion of theory equates to “no credibility” as people look for nothing but 100% accuracy. Naturally in our society where linear thought reigns supreme, a singular, all-encompassing answer that gives clarity on every question we have. Credibility is authority.

However, we deny that theory has it’s uses. When there is no respectful answer given, all we have is theory. Theory is formed by the evidence of possibilities. Evidence of possibility is evidence that supports a conclusion that you or anyone could come up with. It may not be right, but for the most part, it CAN be. It’s how mathmatics work. Yes, there’s only one answer, but there are many solutions you can come up with that lead to that answer. The very nature of mathmatics is theory.

We could say the war on terror is based on lies due to evidence of possibilities. Like

1. No WMDs in Iraq.

2. testimonies by victims and witnesses in NYC on 9/11

3. The News media being generally hostile toward any conflicting stories given by those that doubt the official details given.

You get the idea.

Everyone theorized that Sonic Lost Mind would be a Mario Galazy clone based on similarities of structure. But, Sonic fans blew off those comparisons as wild guessing based on fear, or supported them based on the delusion that Galazy is a highly favorable game.

Lost Mind being a Mario clone needs no theory now. It was Confirmed in an interview by a retard.

A lot of people come up with different names to describe Sonic Lost World.

Lost Balls

Lost Cause

Lots of different names, mostly to describe perception and displeasure. Not to be an arrogant bastard, but Lost Mind is the only name suitable to describe this title.

Going into nerdy detail, a Lost Mind is where your original consciousness is removed, and is drifting away. Sometimes, the lost mind is supplanted with another mind that completely alters the nature of the body.

So, with Sonic’s Lost World, Sonic is taken literally out of his mind, and it is supplanted with that of Mario’s mind instead. Supplantation is usually done through intrigue or underhanded tactics.

And Nintendo did just this.

Take a real hard look at this mother of an interview. And it’s a real MF. Read the whole thing first. And then point out the things that might, for the moment, sing the praises of “fuck you baka Sonic fan” over and over. And it’s going to happen just reading the damn thing.

Most of the interview are things that most of you 3 have already pointed out/discovered and processed in your minds, and are fully conscious about. But there are at least 2 things that click for me in this interview.

1 is this.

Takashi Iizuka: As we started the development before we knew about Wii U, basic action and story weren’t influenced. But as the touch panel and gyro-sensor on the GamePad was a very interesting feature, we decided to use them in Color Power.

This is not normal Sega behavior. While we have had many Sonic spinoffs on Wii and DS (mostly being that gay ass crossover), the main series Sonic titles that appeared on Wii and DS did not take full advantage (or any) of the gyro sensor of the Wii-mote or the touch screen of the DS. They’ve had this opportunity to experiment with Sonic Spinoffs and found they weren’t worth a damn to spend time on. Plenty of developers felt this way after about 3  years where Wii and DS games started being normal. Secret Rings was ass deep with motion controls, but the most you do in Black Knight was swing away with nothing else added. In Unleashed, you had the options to control Sonic with motion shit or normal controllers. In colors, the same rule applies. None of the DS Sonic games take any advantage of the touch screen functions, especially given both system received Colors. THe most you did was shake the controller to activate a wisp, but you controlled them with normal buttons. There is no touch control for the DS version.

Why do I say this? Because Sega had the opportunity to experiment with these “interesting” features and found they didn’t amount to shit, so they made games normally. NiGHTS into Dreams, Alien Syndrome, House of the Dead games, etc all had normal, customizable controls. All the Nintendo collaborations have all dat bullshit you don’t want.

This is important because right here, Iizuka is lying to you. The only time they were interesting was back in 2007 when everyone got their hands-on experience with it. Why would you find what is now “outdated” and factually undesirable tech as “interesting features” is anyone’s guess. But it shows that they really aren’t in control of the direction of this game. Nintendo’s job is to prove the potential of their hardware through software. Or so they believe with their idiotic “Hardware and Software” integration philosophy. So they must justify it’s presence through games. This wouldn’t be so bad if they weren’t doing it with a franchise they don’t own.

Sega cares about hardware POWER, not hardware “features”. Most Sega games don’t even have DLC or online features outside of their MMOs (Phantasy Star). They only implement hardware features when they KNOW it will enhance the game in someway, rarely with any experimentation. Yes, even with Sonic.

Another quote, I feel, deserves some greater attention.

Takashi Iizuka: This game is like going into the rabbit hole in “Alice in the Wonderland”, an action game where you can experience many strange and fun experiences.

Alice in Wonderland!? That is the same shit Miyamoto said about Super Mario Bros. back in 2005! That certain key elements of Super Mario Bros. were derived from Alice in Wonderland. Sure, Miyamoto denies it now because he’s an arrogant bastard who hates that a certain blogger has him figured out, but there it is.

Why should you care? Because it more than ever confirms that Nintendo was turning Sonic into a Mario clone from the start. We only got bits and info like “wanting to cater to Mario fans”, but that only gave us theorizing material. RE6 was made to appeal to Call of Duty fans, but it’s not a full blown FPS. It just has somewhat more action than previous RE titles. It still looks….  Resident Evilish. No one would even guess that RE6 took cues from Call of Duty just by taking a gander at it’s content and level design.

With Lost Mind, it’s on full display. The insurmountable comparisons to Mario Galazy are here. No one denies them. We saw all the visual cues from level design, atmosphere, everything. Having villains inspired by Japanese demons is most unsettling as Sega usually takes inspiration from western mythology (because Japanese mythology sucks ass). Having a villain that looks slightly like Bowser is worrying. But saying Lost Mind is like taking a trip to Alice in Wonderland confirms it. The entire point of the game is subliminal content.

It’s a game of playing Captain Obvious to say Sonic’s Lost Mind is a Mario Galazy clone, but the question to ask now is “why?” Why would Nintendo desire turning Sonic into Mario? Would it be payback against a rival mascot to completely embarrass the franchise and the fans of that franchise to say “Sonic is our bitch, fanboys!”?

No, because Nintendo doesn’t have any negative stigma toward any video game franchise. They don’t care about any other video game franchise outside of their own.

Why would they turn Sonic into Mario Galazy? At the moment, only theory can give clarity.

I could theorize that deep down, Nintendo has a soft spot for all their creations that got lacking sales in comparison to games that actually sold. Pikmin 3 is evidence that supports the claim. Wind Breaker HD as well.

They must’ve taken a liking to Mario Galazy because we’ve a got a sequel with shit content. The first game, many would admit, is much more spectacle driven than it’s successor. Hell, I admit it. Watching even just the cutscenes was enough to say that they actually had something going. Bowser using cosmic powers to create his own galaxy to rule? Cool.

The sequel, however, was gameplay driven. Bowser’s plot was to grow several sizes, talk shit about “being huge”, talking like dudebro, and capturing peach again. It’s such an underwhelming successor in comparison. I feel, however, it is due to Miyamoto’s own silly assumptions of gameplay in response to the overwhelming success of NSMBW. He proclaims it is simply popular due to accessibility, and aims to correct this “oversight” with Galazy 2… via instructional dvd. It was insulting to all. And the game fell flat on it’s face in comparison to the first.

So now, Nintendo believes in the power of CONTENT…. exclusively in aesthetic terms. Since it’s been proven that people enjoy 2D Mario over 3D Mario (3 times), Nintendo’s devs were in the process of sabotaging 2D Mario to make people accept 3D Mario. By stagnating NSMB’s content to the point that their sequels are absolutely no different from the previous, they’ve successfully killed their own money maker in favor of ideology. Nintendo, however, believes that they can sell people on 3D Mario using the crappy aesthetic styles of the NSMB games. 3D Land and 3D World both use a similar style from NSMB in vain attempts to attract the NSMB crowd while killing NSMB.

It didn’t work the first time.

Looking at the performance of the Pii U for this past year, we can theorize that Nintendo is in desperation mode. I’ve never seen so many different bundles in such a short period of time. Nintendo Land bundles, NSMBU bundles, Wind Breaker HD bundle, Monster Hunter, whatever the fuck ZombiU is, and then NSMBU plus an extra game, Super Luigi U, all in under a year.  I don’t recall any console other than maybe the PS360s that had several bundles in under one year, but goddamn if this ain’t desperate. Probably the assumption that bundles will help inflate sales and generate momentum. Even though bundles didn’t work for 360 or PS3, because Amma knows there’s a FUCK TON of them, what makes Nintendo believe it would work for them? Nintendo only had 5 bundles, one of which (Wii Sports Resort) did nothing for. Quality games sell consoles and bundles, not it’s inclusion overall.

But see, there is a true conflict of interests. While there is a desire to sell the console, there is no desire to make games that truly sell the console. Pikmin 3 was touted as this “savior” to ressurect interest in Pii U, but it has become a ghost town of itself. We’ve heard nothing about it since it’s release. We hear nothing about Wind Breaker HD besides piddly justifications of why it was made. And man are they silent about Nintendo Land. Puppet ass Link more embarrassing than Toon Link? Oh yes, extremely. We have a Yoshi Yarn for no fucking reason beyond “Hey, the internet liked that shitty Kirby game we made, so lets make another Yoshi game that will be forgotten for no reason other than being gay”. Nintendo wishes to continue it’s endless spree of intricacy-driven ambitions. But in the face of facts that people don’t want that bullshit, they play dirty to make sure you accept it. They’ll sabotage any other series or developer (Retro) and defy the wishes of many if it means they get to play God. And you WILL submit to their will, lest they stop making games overall.

And that’s where Sonic’s Lost Mind comes in.

Nintendo WANTS you to accept Mario Galazy, because it is something they feel is what has to exist if they are to feel comfortable as game designers. But they know Mario Galazy is perceived as inferior to 2D Mario, so they go out and leverage the Sonic series to do their bidding. I’ve said in the beginning that Nintendo was desperate to get exclusivity for a series with it’s own problems selling, but I had no idea of their level of insanity. Putting in undesirable gameplay in an undesirable series with virtually no appeal left is completely illogical and goes against everything Nintendo knows about good business.

If there’s anything Nintendo has over Sega, it’s business sense. Sega makes quality games but is absolutely shit at marketing and needed the assistance of “BAKA GAIJINS” to become a household name. Nintendo needs no further help in that department. I am shitting vomit at their insanity right now. It’s unthinkable that Nintendo would lose all sense of business sense to leech on Sonic’s name to sell shitty gameplay. They literally transformed the face of Sonic for the chance to make a Galazy 3. Somehow, they thought that Sonic was still popular with the kids and thought that maybe…just maybe…. they can teach the Sonic fans to accept Mario Galazy’s gameplay since their OWN Mario fans have rejected it.

Is this Nintendo’s idea of “expanded audience”? No, it’s their idea of EXPENDABLE audience! If their own fanbase is rejecting their idiocy, then they can leech off the idiocy of Sonic fans since it is they who do not know what Sonic is “about”. In some half-baked concept that Sonic’s gameplay had to be fixed (it was merely put aside, not broken in itself), they have accepted, without skepticism or protest, the sup-plantation of one franchise staple in favor of another. ……….Or…. perhaps those were Nintendo’s viral marketing assholes masquerading as idiotic Sonic fans on The Sonic Stadium as usual, just to silence dissent.

Whatever the case, this collaboration is nothing more than video game colonialism disguised as a partnership. And not to establish dominance or use as a valuable resource, but just so they could continue working on their awful intricacy showcases. Why not make an entirely new franchise and leave the shit I still like the fuck alone!? Instead of transforming old franchises into your personal sideshow circuses where nothing makes any goddamn sense, you could make something completely new to justify your bad gameplay.

Because new IPs are risky? What balls they had making shit ass Pikmin!

We need no theory to establish why Sega would allow this if they knew anything about branding because we know they don’t give a rats ass about Sonic the Hedgehog. The question is why they don’t sell it to a competent western dev that knows and loves the franchise? Well, Sega has no eye for talent, so they’d probably hand it over to someone like… EA so they can fuck it up like they did Time Splitters  Future Perfect. But then, Sega’s not that stupid. If Sega sold Sonic, Sega would have lost the meaning of their existence. Sonic IS Sega and Sega IS Sonic. People around the internet would piss and moan because Sega’s other franchises aren’t as well known, who gives a shit? When you say a company’s name, ONE singular product comes to mind. When you say Marvel, you see Wolverine, when you say Disney, you see Mickey Mouse. When you say Capcom, you see Street Fighter….  or Mega… yeah street fighter. When you say Tecmo, you see titties.

Can you SEE Sega without Sonic!? Hell naw! Sega cannot sell Sonic without good reason (bankruptcy). Sega needs to accept that Sonic defined them. That Tom Kalinske defined them. That they are terrible business people. That Sammy is a cancerous leech. That they need to stop being greedy assholes and give me my goddamn PSO2!!! WHERE THE FUCK IS IT!? I NEED MY SURREAL SPACE EXPLORER FIX GODDAMMIT!

This is most unacceptable. The Sonic series can only be saved by relinquishing it from Sega’s grasp. Unfortunately, the industry is full of idiots like them, choosing the right person to hold the torch is no easy task. Especially seeing as many of them admire Nintendo to the point that they will allow those sociopaths to take advantage of them and their properties. They’re feeding Sega bad advice from all directions, only so that THEY can feel stable in doing as they please.

At this point, however, I can truly say that Sonic is a dead franchise. There are no possible solutions to salvage it, sales continue to decline, and with Nintendo extending their tentacles around the Blue bastard, Sonic won’t have an identity to call it’s own. Best thing for it is to get it the fuck away from Nintendo, but that won’t happen so long as Sega wants their italian sausage.

Now, i’ve just watched vids where Sonic…. is rolling around in Chicken machines where this white boy was saying it was “creative”. That’s the first red flag.

Then, in the next level, Sonic is being chased by sentient fruit, which is also one where you have to turn apples into urinated geysers. There’s a snow level where you’re a bowling ball for the entirety of it, there’s a desert world where the majority of time is spent in candy and a tree which makes no goddamn sense. There’s also a snow level that isn’t a snow level and is really a giant casino which equally makes no sense, no consistency within the Zone themes.

……….They really don’t give a fuck… at all, do they? I mean when are Sonic fans gonna wake up and realize just how badly they’re getting fucked by this company. I’m already hearing that they’re pissed off at IGN for giving this piece of shit a low score, because IGN has some sort of obligation to Japanese companies, right? I mean someone like me isn’t supposed to judge the game because I’ve never played it, but a company that’s PAID to play these games gets shit anyway because it’s not praise.

But either way, Sonic’s Lost Mind is not only the greatest embarrassment to Sonic fans and developers, it’s also the laziest Sonic game ever created. With all of it’s intricate splendor of game rules and shitty mechanics like turning into chicken mechs and snowballs, there’s also the time-tested nintendo rules of laziness that has been standardized within the company that, if Sega becomes to comfortable, will completely KILL the Sonic franchise faster than Iizuka could alone.

And there’s no better indicator than shit content. For one. The Lost Hex. What is this world? What is it’s significance to Robotnik’s plans? We are told that the Lost Hex is an “undiscovered” continent.

…….First off, this ain’t no damn continent. It looks like a jacked up moon. Shit, lets go to Mars and call that bitch Australia or something, the only aliens found would be US! Does that look like a continent to you? like a giant land mass surrounded by water? Sure, we’ll take Angel Island’s bullshit, but that looks like a continent.

Lost Hex is just some “undiscovered” world which gives the designers an excuse to not give it any history or mythology. Many Sonic games took place in a setting that had some significance OR uniqueness to the world itself. Little Planet fo r instance is a star that travels around Mobius (fuck Earth) every once a year and always seems to be in temporal flux thanks to the Time Stones. This would explain why it looks like Robotnik had already taken over when viewing the cartoon intro and bad ending even though when you get into the place, it seems about normal until Act 3 (if you didn’t Sankofa beforehand). Westside Island had the mythology surrounding the “mysterious stone” that ancient civilizations had worshipped before being wiped out for some unknown reason (this stone was infact the 7th Emerald). Robotnik goes here to get it. He also goes to South Island to get the other 6 emeralds. Space Colony Ark for the Eclipse Cannon. We already know about Angel Island’s Master Emerald and how it housed Perfect Chaos, the god of destruction whom destroyed Knuckles’s ancestors for the greed and lust for power.

Hell, any setting Sonic and the gang go to had some sort of significance and necessity for Robotnik’s master plans. Instead, for Lost Hex, he just goes here to build a machine to suck out energy from Mobius, I assume. The Zeti, whom he enslaves, also have no purpose or utility toward Robotnik’s plans given their ability to control magnetic waves is never put to use. Hell, going back to Sonic Colors, enslaving the Wisps was essential to Robotnik’s plan of creating a mind control device. Here, he’s just an ass who takes them prisoner for no real reason other than some minor confrontation in that comic. They have no significance toward Robotnik’s master plan of building a giant robot.

So… why… the fuck… are they on the Lost Hex? 

Reason being… it’s less work for the developers. See, everything about the Lost Hex and the Zeti spells lazy ass. Just looking at the design of many of the game’s opening acts spell random and sloppily thrown together designs. Why are many of the acts comprised of disjointed spaghetti lines!? Why is there a wall of water in Tropical Coast Act 1… that I cannot enter without being in a drill formation? See, Iizuka had already admitted that he and the rest of his ass buddies were going to be lazy on the game under the premise that you will now be able to see rings more clearly(Haha). But this laziness extends to the actual level design itself. Disjointed platforms and squiggly lines, tiny spherical platforms, straight lined tubes, the works. The look of worlds make the game feel like it takes place in the skies, above the clouds. Especially with all the smaller, floating islands and spheres you have to go through. What, is Lost Hex such a fucked up place that the very fabric of space, physics and geography are suspended for the sake of Chaos to roam? We don’t know, it’s just there. And everything takes place in the sky despite there being evidence of land on the surface.

This wouldn’t be so bad…. if they didn’t make a SKY ZONE! Lost Hex already takes place far above the damn planet and many of the worlds are up in the sky itself, no. There just HAD to be an area in the clouds right there with Iizuka’s head. Not just that, but a goddamn retread level! See, a retread level is where they take bits and parts of  previous levels to make up some sort of final level persay. The ultimate in lazy design, and something that Hideaki Kamiya seems to be a fan of considering every mother fucking Devil May Cry game and Bayonetta seem to be ass deep in! But to add insult to injury, it’s not even the final level, it’s a goddamn filler! And with Zavok as it’s main boss. If you ask me, it would make more sense for Zavok to be in the Fire Zone considering he has a DRAGON MECH and looks like the Christian Devil, but no, he’s been relagated to the fucking retread level that takes place before the only cool looking zone in the whole game.

The hexagonal shaping of the landmass was done just so they can have an easier time designing a world map. It’s not difficult to draw stage select screens on a map comprised of small hexagon shapes. How lazy is that shit!? Sure, it’s not any work to make maps on Sonic Colors, just a bunch of lines with no defining landmarks on the maps themselves, but damn.

Sega is getting too much like Nintendo. I know the game was published by those fuckers, but they took nintendo’s laziness and multiplied it by six.

Not only is the design of the game lazy, but it also screams desperate too. See, many of the game’s Acts are comprised of very inconsistent levels. Nothing seems to have a central theme beyond the first level. See, games like Sonic 3 had Acts that varied in atmosphere and environments, but they maintained a consistent theme. Hydrocity Act 1 looks like a regular sewer system, but Act 2 looks and feels like some ancient ruins. Ice Cap, Act 1 takes place mostly in a cavern at night, but Act 2 goes outside in daylight. Mushroom Hill is mostly a springtime place, but Act 2 the land is being drained. Sandopolis Act 1 is a desert with quicksand. Act 2 is inside a Pyramid with ghosts and lights as their gimmicks. Lava Reef Act 1 is mostly a volcano, but Act 2 feels like some mines with gemstone ore is being generated.

While they are different, they maintain a consistent theme within each act. There is no extreme change in your environment when progressing to the next, which has been a staple of the series up until SA2. Why the fuck am I moving from a desert… to a tree with beehives…. to a goddamn gourmet dimension with diabetic delights floating around the space!?

Because fat fuck Zeti likes food!? Please.

And a Frozen factory that holds a Casino is confusing as well. Were they so desperate to shove in as much nostalgia as possible just to say “we care about you classicfags!” Nostalgia without Context. Generations had context. They were traveling through time which game them an excuse to remake all the levels from past games and bring them to the forefront. That’s nostalgia WITH context. The context of time distortion gave way for nostalgia to flourish. Lost Hex is “new” and “undiscovered”, and has no reason for a Casino to exist on the planet seeing as the Zeti aren’t smart enough to run a business, and there doesn’t seem to be any form of life on the Lost Moon besides them.

And what of the Zeti do we know or care to know? We just know that they’re a “fabled” race that live on Lost Hex. Why are they “fabled”? Why would Robotnik go through the trouble of enslaving them if he never put them to good use beyond catching animals?

I know it’s the mark of an amateur to explain everything, but why make these…. “things” the main selling point of the game if you explain NOTHING about them? I mean say what you will about the giant Kaijuu monsters of the week, but we KNOW a little something something about them beyond inexplicable motives to destroy the world. Chaos is a GOD of destruction who punished Knuckles’s ancestor for being dicks and is angered by the world as a result. The Black Arms feel that humans are a sinful breed fit for nothing more than to be a good supply for their race. Mephiles is a being that became psychotic from scientic experiments gone wrong. Gerald Robotnik and Shadow wanted revenge against humanity for the death of a little girl. Not only that, but we know WHY they are important. Solaris is a god worshipped by a cult, Dark Gaia is an evil god that fought against Light Gaia (or that mogwai that loves chocolate), Shadow is “the Ultimate Lifeform” with alien blood, Chaos is a water god feared by forgotten civilizations, etc.

These villains have DEFINITION. They have CLARITY. They have defined motivations for why they’re assholes. The Zeti HAD Robotnik’s illogical and dickish enslavement, but they go nowhere with it. They aren’t important to anyone or anything. They have no significance in the world, and the worst part is that they have to rely on someone else’s tech just to be an actual threat to the world. Mephiles at least got an on-screen kill against the fastest thing alive with no work needed. I WANT someone to come in here and justify the necessity for the Zeti to use Robotnik’s tech.

Nothing in this game makes sense except the nicknames we give it. When you say someone has completely lost their mind, it’s implying that someone is mentally ill or behaving in a strange way. What’s strange? Completely Unusual. Not an expectation. Differing from the norm. As though the game were some desperate attempt to be completely different. That is the essence of a Lost Mind.

Nintendo ditching the Wii strategy to go after the HD crowd shows they’re out of their minds because they had a winning strategy going. Capcom ramping up on DLC to help their money troubles show they’re out of their minds because DLC was the reason people were AGAINST Capcom in the first place. Turning Sonic into Mario shows that Sega is out of their minds because Sonic’s claim to fame was being in direct competition to Mario.

And believe it or not, not having a console doesn’t automatically stop that from being the case. Turning Metroid into an FPS put it in competition with other FPS’s at the time like Halo, especially Halo. Creating the Kinect or Move put them in competition with the Wii motion controller. Turning RE6 into a action shoot em up puts it in competition with games like Gears of War or what not. What do you think turning Sonic into Mario Galazy do? Put it in competition with Mario Galazy. Hell, anyone putting games on a Nintendo console is in direct competition with Nintendo anyway, because they need to battle them for fans on their own turf. And the only company successful enough to battle Nintendo on their turf was Capcom with the Street Fighters and the Resident Evils. Why? Because Capcom put out quality shit to meet Nintendo halfway.

All these dumb asses going around saying “well Sega doesn’t have a console to compete against Nintendo” are spraying hot air. Sega not being in the business of selling consoles doesn’t mean they weren’t competing with Nintendo until now. This idiotic frenzy of pairing Nintendo and Sega together is nothing more than a power play for Nintendo to grab up more franchises to leech off of. It’s effectively removing competition on the software side and accumulating that power into their hands.

At the same time, this power play will DESTROY Sonic. If you make it nothing more than a Mario clone personified, then people will have LOST any reason to maintain interest in the franchise. You think people don’t give a fuck about Sonic now, just wait until the paid off metacritic shit rolls in. Sega will be so psyched by the fake good reviews that they will kill whatever is left of Sonic’s foundation.

Why? Well, why play Sonic if it’s going to be JUST like Mario? People will gravitate toward Mario and not even gleen at Sonic. It’s technically the same experience in a less popular franchise that is infamous for 2 bad games, attached to a company that actively flips you off these days. People pretend Sunshine didn’t happen because Nintendo hasn’t gone completely rogue like Sega.

At this point, the uncool and completely illogical content of Sonic’s Lost Mind will keep potential buyers at bay if the crap appeal of Pii U hasn’t done that already. Hell, that will be everyone’s excuse for why Lost Mind didn’t sell by the time February comes around.

But I guess I shouldn’t expect Nintendo to understand.

He used to kick your ass. Now you gotta beat the game first before he can kick it again!

This is how I feel when I get a higher difficulty for my troubles.

< If it doesn’t work, skip to 9:32.

I would so completely love to know the reasoning behind this idiocy in which a possibly more tedious run through more of the same game…. is considered a reward for modern games. And before all the “technically correct” asswipes show up with their 2 cents, yes, I am aware that older games also had higher difficulties as rewards. And they’re every bit as unmemorable as Lost Mind will end up becoming. There’s no point to these piddly modes after you’ve completed the game once.

And just why are games easier now than they were back when? It goes beyond the Arcade mentality that developers had back then. Where is the necessity and/or demand for this shit? Is it some conception that gamers are afraid of a challenging game? Is it that hard games are simply not wanted anymore?

I often ask why not just make the main game hard enough already or just include the hard modes at the start rather than expecting this to be some sort of prize for w/e troubles you went through the first time. Getting through the main game should be rewarding alone, not “experiencing” it. And that’s the only reason I could see why devs keep doing this to “coddle the dreaded casuals”. Since devs are pretentious people these days who want to show the world their creativity and ingenuity, a difficult game prevents that from happening. But people usually gravitate toward challenging games (FAIR challenging games, not bullshit challenging like F-Zero GX or DMC3) because being able to conquer a tough game feels rewarding in itself. A big reason as to why people don’t like playing games anymore is because they become a mere process in which they just burn through content. Being able to explore more of the game’s content should feel rewarding because you earned it. Not be handed the content on a silver platter because devs and pubs are afraid of scaring away potential fans. Despite popular misconception, gamers are not frightened by an ass whoopin. It’s OK to smash their faces once in a while.

Of all the bullshit in the world, why do developers still do this? Because the way I see it, it’s too late to give me a challenge. I’ve seen the game’s content, I’ve explored the world, solve your arbitrary puzzles, beat all your mythical guardians, banged the princess, and I got the soundtrack to hum in my head while I’m at work. I don’t need your cute little “hard mode” anymore. Unless there’s an actual tangible reward for it, it has no use. But then, I’d be pissed hat I’d have to go through the whole damn game again just for this little bonus.

In the case of Zelda, i dont see this changing until Aonuma is taken out behind a shed. Aonuma admitted to being a pussy when it comes to simple enemies like the Octoroks. And Miyamoto is TERRIFIED of giving the players a challenge because the Water dungeon was a poorly designed piece of shit. Nintendo games have no real longevity beyond Smash Bros. and Pokemon because of this “fear” of challenging gameplay. That if they make the games hard, the player won’t be able to feel their AMAZING CREATIVITY! If it’s that bad, put a level select cheat in or w/e. Hell…

It’s amazing how illogical design choices like this are glossed over without as much as a spark of thought as to why it’s still happening seeing as they do more harm than good.

Damn Capcom

Not even for… like another SF2 Port?

Well, I thought I’d be happy about something like this, but I’m not.

Why? Well there’s still Monster Hunter in Japan. THAT WILL SOLVE EVERYTHING!

………Yeah… I don’t think a twitter post is anything to worked up over, but considering the recent news of financial woes and lay offs going on in Europe, it’s only a matter of time before they get bought up by… like some pachinko company that will run them into the ground. I mean SNK and Sega went through it. Right? RIGHT?

I honestly don’t know how to feel about all of this. Capcom was one of the few Japanese devs that knew a little something about international appeal and pandered to their respective…. fighting game fans. But with Mega Man, Resident Evil, and Devil May Cry, those fans got completely shafted for the dipshits at SRK. Not to mention the countless bullshit like “we’ll give you this if you show your support by buying games you don’t want”. So in some part, I feel like they deserve this for all their lies, schemes, and overall greed, but another part of me says I still want my Mega Man, and they hold the IP for it.

PLEASE give DMC to Platinum if/when you go under. They need something that has a little bit of appeal.

This was done at the request of an apparent pussy who doesn’t like obvious bullshit being described in quote…. “derogatory terms”

There is no greater proof in the fabric of our broken universe that could describe the level of “no(censored)togivery” of Sega’s handling of the Sonic the Hedgehog franchise…. than this game. In spite of all the (censored) hype, we see for ourselves the extent of false advertising Nintendo and Neo Sega have cooked up for us. What is this specialty dish? Something that delivers flavor amnesia. It is the most hollow dish ever cooked up. If Suge Knight ran the gaming industry, caps would fly in the direction of Ota Tokyo, Japan itself. No further proof is needed beyond its very plot.

I think it would be a waste of time describing the gameplay seeing as it’s already being dissected and berated. When the very people who anticipated the so-called “greatness” of Lost Mind’s gameplay turn around and criticize the gameplay, you know it’s (censored).

Thinking of Lost Mind’s story, the only thought that comes to mind is…

There is no point. It is only there to cause you pain. So much pain, my mind split in 2, and now I hear a voice in my head that tries to destroy my sanity.

Oh please, Heru! I am only your conscience trying to make you see the light!

Watching Lost Mind’s movie is like getting Eiffel tower’d by imbecilic Japanese designers who haven’t the vaguest clues as to whatever the concept of Cohesion is. There are so many unexplained behaviors and plot points that, as typical of Japanese writing, leaves the audience in a state of stuper wondering if they had witnessed something anime-ish… or something Iron Man 2-ish.

Oh Come on Heru! Do you really think the story is that bad?

It’s been a good 24 hours and I still don’t know what the (censored) is going on with this plot. All I know is Robotnik wants to drain energy from the Earth to make a giant robot he could easily make without any real effort. The question is WHY!?

Robotnik just wanted to conquer the planet! Perhaps he needed to make a powerhouse robot to get er done!

You nearly wipe out the planet, risk 6 psychopaths destroying the planet and all just so you can make a slightly more powerful robot. For all the talks of Robotnik being “epic”, he sure is too smart by half. Why not use Chaos Emeralds, the Master Emerald, or just… you know, BUILD one from scratch if the most you’ll do with it is make a giant robot?

Robotnik would have the plot of draining the planet’s energy to…. reduce the world’s natural resources and collect the remaining amount for himself to create reservoirs of fresh water and food where the denizens of the planet would come to him and serve him if it meant getting something to eat and drink. Silly Sankofa.

Does he do that? (Censored) no, he dumps that (censored) into a giant robot and thinks “Well, I’ll just conquer the world this way!”

So what?

So what!? Robotnik’s character is (censored) because his actions are excessive, unnecessary, and puts the planet at risk for no apparent reason other than to make a giant robot to beat Sonic and conquer the world in an irrational method. I mean, why choose the Lost Hex as a region to build an energy drainer? What’s so special about the Lost Hex itself?

………Anyone? Any ideas?

Well, it’s… just some remote location that’s not affected by the drain machine. And he would just turn it into another Planet Wisp, all slaved up and (beep).

However, he keeps talking about how unstable it is. That’s a giant red flag that Robotnik is a (censored) idiot. If it’s unstable, the risks for completely destroying the world are very high. Then there’d be nothing left to conquer. And what if Cubot got a hold of it and decided to juice himself up because dat (censored) be kickin? And why does Cubot sound like Bert and Ernie!?

Despite the fact that it appears to be operating at 100% capacity, if the machine is that dangerous, and there’s no apparent contingency plan, Robotnik would have been responsible for destroying the world all for the sake of trying to conquer it. This seems to be a trope of Robotnik’s plans in every game. He’s always risking the world trying to conquer it. And then justify the necessity to team up with Sonic every time shows his level of incompetence. WHERE’S DA (bleep)ING EPICNESS!? This guy has the dumbest plan in the whole universe of plans and plandoms!

And why bring the Zeti into this?

Well, building a machine in Lost Hex might’ve caused suspicion and they were probably trying to chase him away because……he was suspicious?

But there is no context to explain how these 2 met. We just know that Robotnik controls them with an Ocarina and forces them to round up small animals. Why?

……Because he needs a robot army comprised of badniks.

……Wait…

*waiting*

Why is he going back to using Badniks!? He had superior robots from Sonic Heroes all the way up to Colors. He could build highly advanced war machines with much more deadly fire power and diabolical weapons….. FROM SCRATCH! Why does he need to capture animals for Badniks when he’s shown the capacity to build them all from scratch?

…….Because nostalgia. The game was meant to harken back to the good ol’…..

But it’s Nostalgia without Context! It has no consistency with previous entries which this game is taking place after. It connects to Colors which connects to Unleashed, a game where Robotnik had a (beep)ing armada of war machines, and a weapon capable of decimating an ENTIRE PLANET! He surpassed the capacity to create the Eclipse Cannon! Why would he go back to using outdated tech that Sonic’s had plenty of experience destroying when Sonic is at the border of being an omnipotent warrior!? If an army of iron soldiers could not take him down, why create an army of Badniks!?

……Because that’s what the Zeti are for. It’s the job of the Badniks to create a large army for Robotnik to conquer the world, while the Zeti must kill Sonic.

…….Why does he need a Badnik army?

…..To rule the world with an iron fist!

An army is made to defend a home turf. Or to invade other worlds.

Right, right.

But if Robotnik is draining the life of the planet, wouldn’t that kill most of the denizens of the planet? It renders any potential resistence effort pointless because their resources would be severely reduced. So without much life…

But he only wanted to borrow the energy, not drain the life out of the planet

But the machine is also unstable, meaning it could (beep) up at any moment.

uh…

And even then, wouldn’t it be smarter to use the Zeti’s natural powers of manipulating magnetic fields or w/e the (beep) they said to try to make them sound cool…. to shut down any power sources the denizens might have, radar systems, weapon counter systems or some kinds of awesome (beep) to render the entire planet defenseless and ripe for conquering!

But the planet draining machine does that already.

But at a greater risk of DESTROYING the planet!? The other idea is less resource draining.

OH the hell with it! Look, even if Robotnik did all that, Sonic would ruin his plans like always.

So why lure Sonic to a location where he’s most likely to ruin Robotnik’s plans anyway?

Um… so the Zeti could kill them?

And why does he need the Zeti to kill Sonic when it’s been proven that even 2 gods (Chaos and Gaia) were no match for him!?

Because Robotnik’s uh….

Stupid as he hasn’t learned from past mistakes, or that the Japanese get caught up in tropes and formulas? They’ve made Robotnik the biggest retard in the entire game!

But it works out better this way because the Zeti have a “personal” reason to betray Robotnik rather than jut deceiving him, which makes the relation between them more tense.

So why do the Zeti no longer care about Robotnik and instead obsess over Sonic?

Because he’s kicking their butts, that’s why!

And why is Sonic fighting them when Robotnik no longer controls them?

Because they decided to use the life draining machine to make themselves extra powerful

What for?

I guess to compensate for being beaten by Badniks?

But they were beaten by an Ocarina. Robotnik caused them pain using a musical instrument. That’s embarrassing alone, but now that he is without it, they can focus all their frustrations on himself. They can control his badniks and pretty much crush them with no effort because he is defenseless. Why waste time with that damn machine!?

Well I guess it’s because Robotnik has a bodyguard in Sonic.

Whazzat?

Sonic and Robotnik make a deal with each other to help stop the Zeti from using the life draining machine.

But if they weren’t using the machine….

Then Sonic and Robotnik wouldn’t need to team up.

If they wanted to pay Robotnik back for all that suffering, couldn’t they just go kill him at that moment and not use the machine?

But they wanted more power!

What for!? They’re powerful enough without that (beep).

Oh, and you criticized the naysayers of Gun toting Shadow?

(beep) you man. All I’m saying is their current motive is revenge against Robotnik. But they move on and say “well we want more power just because”.

Well, power corrupts, and absolute power corrupts abs-

Oh shut the (beep) up with that gay (beep)!

Besides, they also want to destroy the planet itself to get back at Robotnik.

And that solves nothing because Robotnik would still be in their world messing things up. What if he found that Ocarina again? They would be screwed.

……Good point.

And later on, they completely forget about Robotnik and obsess over Sonic, wanting to turn him into a robot sex slave. What would be the point of that?

…….I don’t know, I guess they needed to create some sort of motivation for Sonic to fight against them.

But the Zeti have no real beef with Sonic. It was all due to Robotnik’s enslavement that they were after him. Now they’re obsessed with him?

Maybe they want a bodyguard to keep Robotnik away?

They could’ve killed him by now!

So what are you trying to say?

The Zeti are the biggest dumbasses in the story. Bigger than Robotnik and Modern Knuckles! These are the (beep)wits Nintendo and Sega tried to hype up as deadly threats!? They’re a goddamn joke!

Well, you never had high hopes for them in the first place.

That doesn’t mean they have to fall further than the depths of Anpu’s underworld below my expectations! I had no idea how accurate I was when I described them as “6 deadly retards”. They lived up to my insults pretty well!

It would’ve been better if they just focused on trying to beat up Robotnik, which would give their actions of doing evil crap more weight and generate sympathy for their cause. Sympathetic villains are pretty (beep)ing popular, or are Shadow the Hedgehog, Gerald Robotnik, or (beep)ing MAGNETO of X-Men just all figments of our imaginations!? Instead, they just do (beep) and piss everyone off, try to make robot sex slaves out of Sonic and Tails, and try to murder people over the desire for power. Why!?

Because they’re dicks?

WORKS FOR YOU, DOESN’T IT!? I mean, think about the scene where Robotnik punishes them with the horn, you see them writhing in pain, and the music plays off that this is a horrible act of abuse on Robotnik’s part. It’s a scene that’s supposed to invoke sympathy. But once they’re free, they decide “well, lets just kill everyone”, who wants to feel sympathy for these bastards? They justify their own enslavement and abuse making Robotnik the lesser of 2 evils! Damn this is some bad plot!

I see. Your main problem is how the villains are portrayed. Well, the good guys should be in a better position.

Well, no.

Are you pissed that Knuckles isn’t relevant again.

Actually, I’m glad he sat this one out, along with that annoying (beep) Amy. I don’t have to see him derailed 20x more than usual, and I don’t have to hear her voice for the majority of the game. But his screen time is so low, he’s invisible. His voice actor must be underpaid as all hell.

But they got Sonic and Tails right. ….Right?

Don’t get me started on them. It was bad enough they were both hyper smart asses, but I think Tails’s change in behavior was awful.

What!? You’re kidding right? You always complained about how much of a pussy he is in the games. But here, he takes charge and kicks enemy ass!

Yeah, all after the fact. Tails’s behavior has no cohesion whatsoever. First off, his distrust in Robotnik, while warranted, is actually not based on suspicions of loyalty or past experience in knowing that Robotnik is a deceptive little (beep) bird, but because….. he was jealous!?

Well, how would you feel if your best friend trusted a known enemy who had been trying to kill you both from the start?

Why didn’t Tails mention that BEFORE they made the alliance?

Maybe he didn’t think about it before.

But since he went along with it so calmly up until he had to fix a voice chip, his sudden outburst makes very little sense.

Well they were rivals back in Sonic Adventure 2.

Like that has anything to do here. I mean hell, he’s making Sonic look more mature and rational than ANYONE in the series thus far.

Well, why IS Sonic so calm when he knows Robotnik as well as anyone else?

Sonic is just as stupid as Modern Knuckles. He falls for Robotnik’s BS just as much as anyone.

Sonic OVA

AOSTH

SATam

Few times in Archie.

SA2

S06

Unleashed (His Super Form for (beep) sake)

Generations

His mind was already lost with this game.

Then again, he was disgusted with the thought of working with Robotnik.

But….he agrees to a truce with no hesitation.

Well, that gives Tails the purpose of being the voice of reason as always, right? He reasons that trusting Robotnik is bad mojo.

But he does so for unreasonable factors. Why does he suddenly feel that Sonic doesn’t trust him after like…. 12 (beep)ing games!? He’s proven himself a million times the world over that he is an asset to Sonic. Not only that, but they’ve teamed up with Robotnik several times in previous titles and he’s NEVER had this issue before. What makes now so special?

But in those games, they teamed up in desperate times, so-

Don’t give me that bull(beep). Past experience said any truce made between Sonic and Robotnik was always for a better end. Robotnik and Knuckles…….not so much. Tails had nothing to worry about given previous experiences, making now completely contradictory to continuity. Why? To give Tails a bigger role?

It would appear so.

So they forced some random plot of envy just so Tails wouldn’t be extra baggage? Well aren’t they kind.

But you’re always complaining that the other characters don’t do anything while Sonic is around, so now you’re complaining that he has some relevance to the plot?

That wouldn’t be so bad if the element wasn’t just shoved in as though it were an afterthought. There ARE good and bad ways to give characters a role in a story. Sonic and Robotnik’s roles……somewhat make sense as their alliance is the main point of the plot. Tails is…. mostly just there again to help out like always. If you wanted Tails to have a bigger role, you need to start AT THE BEGINNING of the (beep)ing game! You don’t just set up a plot point in the middle of the story that is

1. Inconsistent with the character.

2. Inconsistent with previous games

3. Lacks any logical reasoning behind said plot point.

It should be well known that Sonic trusts the ever loving (beep) out of Tails to point of Broken backs!

Well there was the scene where he turned Cubot into a crab. And that was a mistake.

Refer to #1. Tails is NEVER crap with technology. This random act of idiocy where he turns Cubot into a battle crab that just up and attacks him for no reason is completely out of character.

1. Tails would’ve known the ramifications of putting Cubot’s head onto a battle crab because he had already STUDIED the damn robot when trying to inspect his voice chip.

2. Tails has had enough experience trashing Badniks to study those bastards as well to know if it was a good idea or not to make Cubot a battleroid.

That is a forced element! And why is there!? To have Sonic berate Tails for nearly getting himself killed, potentially having Tails doubt himself and his abilities, questioning if he’s an asset or a liability to Sonic… that kind of (beep)

Oh, so it’s a good forced element?

Hell naw, they don’t take that (beep) anywhere. After all that, Tails is captured because Sonic knocked his ass into a trap.

And I find this funny because Sonic doesn’t notice 2 things. When he says “I wasn’t fast enough to save him”, he forgets

1. He knocked him into the trap.

2. Acknowledging Tails for saving his sorry ass.

#2 bothers me because it gives credence to Tails’s suspicions that Sonic probably doesn’t respect or care about his abilities, but throughout the rest of the game, he cries like a girl about Tails being in danger. He only acknowledges his mistakes when he does something to screw up Robotnik’s plans, but with Tails, he doesn’t even think he did anything wrong.

So…. so Tails was right all along?

…….Holy (beep), it’s so poorly written, IT’S (BEEP)ING! GENIUS!!!!

Ok, so back to Tails…

Ok…. why, when the 6 deadly retards discover that they caught the wrong guy in their trap, did Tails not attempt to escape when they were all arguing with each other? He just sits there looking pissed off.

……I don’t know.

You wouldn’t. Ok, after that, at the end, the Zeti appear with Tails looking like Wolf o Donnell, he attacks and beats back the Zeti long enough for Sonic to finish the job.

Yeah! Wasn’t that awesome!?

Mmmm… Kinda…

Oh what now!?

You remember when Robotnik said that the Zeti could manipulate yadda yadda and cause any kind of electronics do “interesting things”?

Uh… yeah?

…..Why don’t they do that?

Do what?

Use those powers against Tails?

Because Tails isn’t a Robot!

But his tech is still electronic.

Yes?

So, if the Zeti weren’t so retarded, couldn’t they have just turned Tails’s weapons against himself and Sonic, possibly causing some form of mind-controlled suicide?

Isn’t that a bit gruesome for the children?

…….Don’t make me respond to that, I’m getting quite tired of writing this damn post!

So is that a bad part on Tails or the Zeti?

No, just more plot induced stupidity, I suppose.

Well, the Japanese version might be a little different.

I don’t give a (beep) about the Japanese version, ain’t nobody except the nerds gonna import this bitch just to find out how different the international storylines are.

Wait a minute. I think you complained more about Plot holes rather than a lack of cohesion.

What’s the difference? All I know is this game’s story makes less sense than Colors did.

How the (beep) does Colors not make sense!?

Why does Robotnik keep making theme parks?

Oh, we’ve been through this Heru! Robotnik’s theme parks are fronts for him to make money and fund his technological conquests! And the theme park in Colors!? We’ve been through this already too! It’s a front so that no one knows that Robotnik enslaved an entire alien civilization to use their powers and create a mind control device and take over the world!

I rest my case.

Wait… what?

I said less sense than Colors. I don’t know why he would need aliens to make a mind control device considering his prowess in creating a machine that can BEAT SUPER SONIC but when you look at the overall picture and the end result, Colors’s plot makes more sense than Lost Mind’s plot. It’s terribly written on all accounts, and it’s too kiddy, but it makes more sense than Lost Mind. Lost Mind is the epitome of nonsensical plots. The alpha and Omega of stupidity. Not only did they ruin Knuckles, but they dropped the ball hard on Tails with just one title. And the old Zeti uses fruit to fight Sonic.

So what?

Oh, no reason, just thought it was gay. This story just…. ugh…

Wait, wouldn’t that prove that Japanese writers can make a better story than western writers at times?

You just said that because Shadow did.

But he’s right though.

(beep) off!

But at least they got Sonic right! And that was their main goal with the game!

You know, it’s funny you say that because I thought getting a character “right” was to improve his overall presentation, NOT UNDERMINE EVERY OTHER MOTHER (beep)ER JUST TO ACHIEVE IT!

And besides that…. Sonic is the screwup, and we’re told by the (beep)TY WRITERS that “just because someone is a screwup doesn’t mean they’re stupid. It’s how they fix their screw ups that prove if they’re a hero!”

And how did that work out?

Sonic doesn’t fix anything.

…….What?

Yeah, he basically does what Samus did in Other M and pretty much just beat up random people, while everyone else actually solves the problems. Tails pretty much solves all the problems in the game. Sonic is just the brawn.

….Well… I mean…

Shut up, stupid voice! Sonic is in role reversal mode where he’s now the useless one. His entire purpose was to fix his mistakes, but he doesn’t fix anything! Tails saves himself and the whole world. 2 of Sonic’s problems.

GREAT JOB ASSHOLES! Sonic’s big moment of character development and/or purpose of the story is REVOKED by Tails! You know what that means? Any character in the Sonic universe who is an asshole will always be the hero! What GREAT morales you are teaching todays youth! Sonic becomes a pussy and he’s now useless. Tails is the jackass and becomes the hero.

Huh… that did happen huh?

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK THIS GAME AND FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK THE CENSORSHIP!

Well, that spoiler I got was a half-truth it seems, but man, this shit they got in Lost Mind is just tacky writing all over the place.

Here are all the scenes from Sonic’s Lost Mind to save you money.

This thing had me going for a while. I was thinking “Well, they got Sonic right I think. They probably took a few tips from SATam and Sonic Underground. You know, shows with GOOD WRITERS for once”. And then they proceed to shit all over that by forcing a sense of “despair” and desperation into his very soul.

Ok, lets go by the numbers.

1. DROP THE CRITTERS EGGMAN! WHOA! THAT’S HARSH!

2. Knuckles is once again shafted by Amy. Oh, and they become completely irrelevant for the entirety of the game. Fuck it, they aren’t even in the game.

3. Why is Robotnik’s new base completely in the dark with a few spotlights?

4. I like how the game pretends we have no idea who the Zeti are by obscuring them behind shadowy silhouettes. We’ve had like a million trailers for them, but you’re acting like we just met.

5. Wow Tails, Sonic only asked if the damn plane was fixed, no need to be a smart ass about it.

6. Hah, music hurts them. Puss ass Zeti.

7. Oh look, they took the machine from Sonic 3K Mushroom Hill Zone which drains the planet of it’s energy. But it’s “Unstable”.

8. He smacked Sonic with a goddamn sandwich….

9. The cutscene every X’er grew moist on where Sonic says “GONE” and the retards go wild.

10. Wait… something doesn’t add up. Zavok lamented that Robotnik would be destroying the world by using that machine…. but decides to use it anyway to make him and his friends uber as shit!?

Or wait… he wanted to destroy it all along, but drops that plan and decides to make himself stronger anyway……. bah I don’t get this shit…

11. TEAM UP!

12. You’re kidding right? Did they actually try to squeeze in some envy plot for Tails? He just randomly thinks Sonic trusts Robotnik more than himself to turn off the machine. And he’s quite bitchy about this for like… 1 more cutscene and then it’s completely dropped.

13. Robotnik’s lack of emotion while using his “SHOCK VALUE” dialogue to curse out Zavok in the snow is amusing. I mean really, it’s like Pontac took some tips from Deadpool’s game and thought internet commentary was good source material. Sonic and Tails literally say “WHOA” when Robotnik says “I’ll get fat from eating your Black Hearts!” That scene alone was just painful to watch.

14. So, Tails gets bitchy again and turns Cubot into a crab, gets attacked, and then has Sonic berate him. Yep, I fucking hate this story.

Tails fucking up with technology is the most forced element in the whole damn game. Especially for a side plot that literally goes nowhere for the rest of the game.

15. Haha, Sonic smacked Tails right into a trap! I like how Sonic laments that “he wasn’t fast enough” to save Tails even though it was by his own hand that Tails is screwed.

16. It’s a trap they had no interaction with, Zavok. You can’t fault them for Tails getting caught, and not Sonic. I like how Tails just sits there doing nothing but looking pissed off. He doesn’t even ATTEMPT TO ESCAPE!

17. So now Sonic is overly dramatic because Tails is not present. I really love how forced this all feels. And now Zavok wants to roboticize Tails. THE…. TENSION!

18. And Robotnik falls into lava. I like how ineffectual Sonic is with his supposed death. And he just continues onward.

19. Damn, they made Tails look like Wolf O Donnell from Star Fox! DATS TIGHT! DATS TIGHT!

20. Of course Tails was faking it. And with that, the 6 Deadly Retards have been defeated! Yeah…. that’s the last time you’ll ever see them. No, srsly.

21. Oh look, Robotnik faked his death and just used the energy to make….. a giant fucking robot to kick Sonic’s ass. Oh and it has a cape too! CLASSY!

22. Aaaaaaaand…. Robotnik’s beaten, they go back to civilization, there’s a joke about Robotnik having his mustache eaten by a Rabbit, and the end.

……This is some shit. I think Sammy has a natural talent for hiring SHITTY TALENT for everything. Bad developers, bad voice actors, bad writers, awful directors, etc.

Knux and Amy weren’t even in that shit. Sonic is bipolar, Tails is a jackass, Robotnik has no personality, and the biggest insult is that the Zeti weren’t even important. They weren’t even needed to make the plot work. Their motives make no goddamn sense. First, it seemd they just wanted to kill Robotnik, then they change their mind and decide they want more power, and then they seem intent on making Sonic and Tails their slaves. They’re just there, they have virtually no interaction with each other beyond a few lame insults, there’s no actual chemistry between the Zeti and I feel pretentious just saying that.

I don’t even know what the fuck is going on anymore. Tails was supposed to be jealous of Robotnik for no reason, and thats dropped almost immediately. Sonic was supposed to have some sort of “guilt” over being a screw up, and that isn’t written well at all, and none of these plot issues are resolved by the end of the game. The Zeti aren’t even seen or mentioned. Fuck, Sonic Riders Zero Gravity had the characters lament about the history of the fucking Babylon Aliens and how they might want to go back to space, before taking on Jet in another race. I mean goddamn, the whole plot is a waste, and those assholes X’ers enabled Sega to make a shit story because the “gameplay is the most important element”.

And I’m hearing NOBODY likes the gameplay either!

But who am I kidding? Later on, I’m gonna be hearing about how well this game topped UK sales charts and that will disprove all the naysayers wrong about how the smallest market indeed shows how great this game is.

GOOD POINTS of the story.

Sonic had his jackass tendencies (for the time being)

Tails actually beats the main villains, harking back to his days from the Game Gear… if that counts.

Cubot and Orbot are practically invisible.

 

Rockstar is above the law because you like their video game..

So, rapper Daz Dillinger claims that Rockstar used his music without his permission.

I’d usually chalk this up as another lawsuit happy person looking for change, but they provided actual sources which gives Daz’s case some actual merit.

But… that’s not what pisses me off.

It’s highly unlikely that Rockstar will recall Grand Theft Auto V. It’s certainly possible that Rockstar used Dillinger’s music without permission, but it was more likely a matter of oversight as opposed to malicious intent. Dillinger may claim to be defending the respect of artist’s work, but it feels more like a publicity stunt.

So… so wait. Rockstar did something that normal ass Youtube users are accused of doing on a daily basis (using music without permission), something no youtuber gets monetary compensation for, but Rockstar turns around and does the same shit FOR profit…. and for some reason we are ok with this?

That doesn’t even scratch the surface of the comments which go on to blast his ass because “rap sucks” and he’s unknown.

He was irrelevant until now. Obvious cash grab, popularity grab and serious attention whore.

you should of taken that offer Rockstar gave you and collect the Royalties next year.. thats all on you Daz.

The song sounds stupid anyways no wonder they didn’t pay him a cent

If I were a musician and my work was featured in one of the fastest-selling pieces of media of all time, with or without my written permission, I’d be pretty freakin’ stoked.

He told TMZ? Boy, he sure isn’t playing around

IS he really asking JEWS for FREE Diamonds!!! aha ha ha hha ha hahh!!!

Ok, that last one made me laugh. I R evil

OH YEAH, DEY CAN MAKE A PATCH HURRRRRRR

*sigh* You know, this is the same mentality behind the “video game violence controversy”. When something people love is targeted for any reason, they go clinically insane. Any and all rational is thrown out the window for the chance of pissing in the wind. Especially since it’s a Nubian. I also laugh at the “fastest selling” remarks because they’re using the success of the game as some sort of shielding argument against his case, as if success was ever an excuse for Pokemon, San Andreas, etc. Successful people fuck up too. I’m reminded of the Boondocks, Season 1, Episode 2 where R. Kelly got off because he was famous.

This is the essence of how gamers respond to power. Outside of the internet, powerful people are regularly criticized without intimidation of ignorant masses. But in the gaming world, powerful game developers are often given undue respect (unless you’re Capcom and Nintendo) and excessive damage control

I don’t respect his stage name or most of his shit (actually, mainstream rap makes me ill), but I find it laughable that he’s considered “irrelevant” considering his production work with (and against) people like Dr. Dre as well as being the cousin to fucking Snoop Dogg. He was also involved with instigating the “rap wars” with tupac and Biggy, along with Bone Thugs n Harmony. Shit, he was even nominated for a Grammy back in the 90s. That’s not irrelevant shit. Stupid, yeah, but since gamers don’t know anything beyond video games…. yeah.

Now, whether or not the record label owns his songs and Rockstar went to THEM instead is not yet known, but it’s most likely and many of the commentators grow moist in anticipation of their predictions being validated so they can clown him 20 more times. One thing to keep note of is that Record Producers exert much greater influence in the music industry than one would give them credit for. One thing I’ve learned is that you never underestimate a damn thing in this world. Arrogance is a great blindfold.

This is 2 pieces in one because I’m too lazy to make separate ones.

Over the years, I’ve observed the course of the Sonic franchise in it’s entirety

5. Shadow the Hedgehog DID kill Sonic the Hedgehog.

No no, not the character you overly sensitive fuck. The game. We like to put the blame on 06’s shoulders because of all the massive hype. It’s a wonder that game got platinum hits.

Of course, this might seem strange. Why choose a game that everyone would agree killed the franchise? Mainly because had this game not existed, it wouldn’t be normal to bash Sonic.

Sonic 06 would never have been perceived to be the greatest shit stain in Sega’s career had perceptions of the franchise not been drowned in the form of pandering to the GTA crowd. At this point, seeing that the fans are reaching out to Nintendo of all fuckers to save the Sonic franchise even though they couldn’t give 2 lousy fucks about Sonic, I’m convinced this thing has done more harm than good. Sonic 06 would’ve just been perceived as a “beginners fumble” with HD development technology (even though they made Phantasy Star Universe prior). People are much more lenient with launch titles it seems. Bomberman Act Zero, probably one of the worst Bomberman Games of all time, went completely ignored in comparison to Sonic 06. I don’t think it was until Mass Effect 3 that any game had received such awful publicity as this title. Why? Because of the tenacious shit stain Shadow the Hedgehog left in it’s wake.

This game chased away so many potential fans, unmitigated by the media crucifixion that was in place and growing. The perceptions toward Shadow were so bad, so incredibly negative, so harrowing in that nothing could change the accepted notion that Sega had officially jumped the shark. X-Play became infamous for giving the game a 1 out of a 5, codifying it’s bullshit “brutally honest” mentality that has perverted the minds of the hardcore for ages. It was the 8th Deadly Sin. It was the Apocalypse.

Why do I say this when it’s common knowledge? Because that shit hasn’t changed since. People outside of the Internet literally believe the series is dead. The common response I get when I ask some folks about what they think of Sonic the Hedgehog, the response is “they still make those games?”. How fucking far has this series fallen since 2005? Yes, 06 made platinum hits, along with Unleashed. But the supposed “saviors” of the series met disappointing sales and no best sellers label. It has been an irrelevant series.

All because of one idea that got the greenlight. Why? Because SOJ doesn’t care about Sonic.

Just put out w/e Sonic game you can to rake in w/e cheddar you can scrounge up, and just get it over with”.

And they pretend nothing happens and bitches only when the Werehog failed to please.

So why do people say Shadow the Character killed Sonic? Well, gamers have a strong tendency to associate the quality of a character with the quality of the game that character appeared in. Sonic Advance 2 is considered good, therefore Cream is considered good. Sonic Rush is considered good, therefore Blaze is wrongfully considered good. Sonic 06 is considered shit, so Silver is considered shit.

But Shadow appeared in a game that was considered good, right? Yeah, it’s a bit complicated. Shadow is the anomaly of the Sonic series. He’s caused more divisions within the fandom than did Rouge’s tits (I don’t even know why Sonic fans hate tits all of sudden, might be the same they think Shadow Ribbon dancing is “cute”, but I won’t go that far).

It’s primarily the fact that he was brought back from the dead. I’ve said this a few times that Sonic Heroes was one of those celebration games which was like a “gathering” of Sonic fans across the diaspora of game consoles, PS2, Xbox, and Gamecube. Encompassing all the fan divisions. The universal fans (Team Sonic), the Anime fans (Team Rose), the hardcore nerds (Team Chaotix), and the SAera sector (Team Dark). The problem was instead of treating it as such, they made the game as some fucked up continuation from Sonic Adventure 2. Why? Because Iizuka is a moron who didn’t want to do SA3 back then, but that’s aside the point. Shadow’s abrupt ressurection was a necessity for this all-encompassing “dream game” to work. Why do you think Cream, Big, Rouge (with the exception of 06) and the Chaotix are completely irrelevant in the series thus far? The game was a “baby’s first Sonic” kind of game. I thought something was fishy when Knuckles had zero interaction with the Chaotix, and no shout outs to reference Knuckles Chaotix. The continuity between this game and Knuckles Chaotix was severed in order for this game to serve as something “introductory” at best. But that’s where Shadow’s inclusion completely muddles the process. His story continues directly where SA2 leaves off. His role is the only piece of continuity referenced (well, his and Rouge considering Knux was still after that pussy). And then we get Shadow the Hedgehog which is more of an SA2 sequel than not.

This is why people had the perception that Shadow was “stealing the spotlight” because for the most part, he had the most consistent story that tied everything together while everyone else served as…well…. warm bodies to move the plot along when necessary and/or convenient, so to speak. Sonic’s past history prior to Generations was not referenced at all in 06, Unleashed, and Colors, which furthers the perception that Shadow was stealing the spotlight. Shadow had the most story focus of the series, while everyone else was, for all intents and purposes, shafted. You have 06 that hints at Shadow’s importance while Sonic is a plot device to obtain the flames of disaster (this was poorly handled considering that Robotnik’s plan was to do this at the very beginning, but he CURSES Mephilis for doing what was necessary to complete his original objective.)

THINK ABOUT IT.

Amy was NOT pissed at Elise for kissing Sonic. INCONSISTENT WITH HER CHARACTER.

Knuckles is a complete Retard. VERY FUCKING INCONSISTENT WITH HIS CHARACTER.

Robotnik wants to obtain the flames of disaster, but curses Mephilis for obtaining it “in a certain way” that, for all we know, was the ONLY way to obtain the damn things. PLOT INDUCED RETARDATION WITH HIS CHARACTER.

Shadow’s story is the most consistent with his character, and further expands on his own personal development and relations with other characters should the series move forward with the adventure formula set by Naka. NONE OF THE OTHER CHARACTERS (aside from maybe Silver) gain anything from the plot of 06. Nothing significant, no personal growth, no expanding relations with other characters beyond what we already have from Heroes. And we damn sure wasn’t gonna see carrot legs again.

Knowing all of that, is it not logical to assume that mother fuckers would be set off!? All of the Sonic characters introduced were, for the most part, shafted while Shadow’s character was tinkered to work properly. It’s not hard to assume that he might’ve been an author’s pet at the time. Zero had the same treatment from Mega Man X with Inafune admitting he purposefully underminded X’s role to give Zero all the good parts. Zero even got tang twice bitch!!

And he scored a sistah too!? That son of a bitch!

It’s confusing now considering he blew off a resident Shadow fan recently, but Iizuka probably felt attached to his own personal creation to go the extra mile and ensure he was the only good part in Sonic 06.

So you have a character with obviously the most development focus, who had a game that ruined the franchise, but was continuously brought back reminding people of said game that ruined the franchise (like Nintendo’s habit of bringing back Tingle, and character no one likes) and Sega tends to self-congratulate themselves on games that piss everyone off (I LOATHE Seaside Hill, I wish you would stop reminding me that it exists), it’s not to farfetched to find why people feel that Shadow was ruining the franchise in some way.

I mean, Blaze was popular for like… 2 years and was ignored for the “Sonic Only” soldiers……goddamn….

People would not feel constantly threatened by Shadow’s presence if the other characters actually had some development themselves. Sonic has all the fucking spotlight in the world, and how is that working out for him? He flipflops between perfect to fuck up. Iizuka knows what to do with Shadow, but nothing else when it comes to everyone else? Are you shitting me right now? You made him a descendant of fucking aliens for Ra’s sake and…. I’m rambling again….

4. No one cares about the Advance series.

Yikes, yikes, and yikes.

Look, it’s alright to go on and suggest that there are still good Sonic games being produced…. but who gives a shit? The Sonic Advance Series (and Rush) are quite possibly some of the more overrated Sonic games in the series. And that’s no bull. When you have to go around with your endless save Sonic lists by constantly reminding everyone of the existence of these games, clearly there is something wrong here.

We could chalk it up to poor marketing all we want to, but a Sonic game shouldn’t have had any trouble selling on a Nintendo handheld with no competition. And yet, Sonic Rush beats the shit out of the Advance series on a handheld WITH competition. What’s wrong with that picture?

Sonic Advance 1 is the only game in that series that is deserving of any praise, it captures the essence of the original games near perfectly. After that? You’d be hard pressed to find any of them memorable. Shit, I still adhere to the belief that Sonic Advance 3 is the absolute worst Sonic game of all time. Yes, worse than 06. At least 06 wasn’t cursed with TOY LAND!

What was the Advance series’s real contribution to the series beyond making Knuckles more retarded than ever? CREAM!? That Powerpuff bitch hasn’t been relevant since 2004. No one aside from the nerds liked her. She was the very definition of uncool. She is the anti-thesis of Sonic. Just like that pepto-abysmmal bitch Amy.

But in all seriousness, they were just there to give you some sort of relief from the headaches of Heroes and Shadow and nothing more. Beyond that, there was nothing that drew you to those games. While handheld games rarely do anything to pull you in, there’s no reason these games could not have offered anything beyond “gameplay” and nostalgia to keep you coming back for……. nothing. The first game was like Sonic 4, based on nostalgia. It was a nice little “throwback”, but what would anyone expect from a sequel besides possibly more of the same? All Advance 1 did was blend Oldschool Sonic with a few of Adventure’s own features (Somersault Sonic, Punching Knux, Hammer Amy, etc.). But to it’s core, it was a traditional Sonic game. But Advance 1’s problem is the same as Sonic 3 (more on that later) in that it just didn’t have good content. infact, NONE of the advance titles had good content. They’re all very forgettable games with no merit beyond being a relief from 3D Sonic. And if that’s all they’re good (since we’re reminded of it all time) why bother? People can easily go to Pokemon if they wanted a relief from Sonic. There are a helluva lotta better games to go for than the Advance series. And many would agree.

3. Only the classic Sonic games have been truly successful.

So objectively better than Sonic Adventure 2.

Thanks to Vgcharts being an unreliable piece of shit, there’s a misconception about the success of Sonic 1 and 2. See, lifetime sales actually go up to 15 million for Sonic 1, and 10 million for Sonic 2. But if you were to go normally to VGcharts, you’d be given the impression that Sonic’s claim to fame was all hype from way yander.

While it’s best not to assume all sales figures given for current Sonic games are accurate (because it is “normal” to see Sonic as a failure in all accounts), it’s safe to say Sonic has NEVER seen the success of it’s first few installments. And for todays bunches of fans, that is a severely difficult pill to swallow.

See, young people naturally believe everything that is “old” is not good, or primitive. Outdated. Anything considered passed it’s time is…. “low quality” garbage. Better technology, graphics, w/e, we have improved games these days. Yet, for Sonic, pardon me playing Captain Obvious, shit really was bangin back in the day. You can curse and scream at the classicfags all you want to, but just like the Mario fans who troll ya’ll for Sonic games never outselling Mario games, the classicfags can boast because their favoritism is backed by historical evidence. There was tremendous interest in Sonic back in the 90s, and that goes for a lot of games not of the military shooter genre. Hell, even the ports of the old games sell more than Modern Sonic games. And this is a trend that has never ended. Ports of older games with newer, more modern sequels, tend to still sell higher than said modern iterations. That’s something Sakamoto probably loses sleep over considering Zero Mission was beaten by Metroid 1. It’s not unreasonable for Sega to continue re-releasing Sonic 1-3K in current forms because they still sell. Whether this is some sort of ploy by Sega to make shitty Sonic games just to sell Classic Sonic to desperate fans for quick cheese (the diabolical mother fuckers) remains to be discovered, but in the end, you cannot blame the/us classicfags for spittin dat moto.

2. Sonic 3K is overrated.

With the exception of Cool Knux

Then, Iizuka enters the picture and fucks up everything. Well, it was really Naka’s fault for being uncooperative and xenophobic.

Sonic 3 just didn’t catch on like 1 and 2 did. Course, by now, we would have Donkey Kong Country and Super Street Fighter 2 ass raping everything, but the only figures we can find on S3K are 2 million tops. That’s… fuckin…. low. Even for Sonic at the time. Having played the game, I can’t put this on competitors, the game is underwhelming in comparison to the megalithic 2. I can’t stress enough that the lack of levels, frustrating puzzles like that fucking drum, and the need to buy an extra attachment for the complete game had something to do with it all. Aside from Street Fighter and Pokemon, people aren’t that willing to buy expansion packs. Though Sonic and Knuckles sold slightly more than Sonic 3, I owe that to the Jamaican Guardian of the Master Emerald, and just having new levels all around. But Sonic 3 by itself is just dull. Shit levels, for one, that lacked the overall vibrancy and… “wonder” of the first 2 games. While the Ice Cap zone is one of many fan’s favorites, every other Zone comes off as uninspired and boring. Lifeless even. Carnival Night Zone alone is just notorious for being frustrating due to it’s confusing gimmicks and again…. that fucking drum. Not to mention the final boss, though difficult, felt anti-climatic at best. I don’t know anyone who likes Launch Base or Marble Garden. There are more memorable Zones from 1, 2, and CD. Everyone knows Casinopolis. Even ur mom knows it. Who cares about Hydrocity except me?

Sonic 3 was just tedious when it first came out. While the lock-on sequel was no better about the difficulty, it’s not a debate that the Zones were much better designed. Mushroom hill was just a gorgeous place alone, Flying Battery had tight ass music, and Lava Reef is still one of the coolest looking Zones in the series. Still, the rough design on enemy placement and shitty gimmicks like ghost lights in Sandopolis put a hamper on the enjoyment you could be having. And playing it alone would turn most people off. The real appeal of this game was the ability to play Knuckles in both Sonic 2 and 3, boosting the replay value of 2 games for the price of 1, literally! But the game itself suffers from shit design choices thanks in special way to Iizuka thinking “challenge gimmicks” in an already gimmicky series was a good idea.

1. Endless Possibilities is a shitty theme song.

…..Yeah. Actually, I don’t even care.

1a. Crush 40 is overrated.

Don’t get me wrong. I feel that “What I’m made of” is the second best final boss theme to have ever been featured in the series, but their quality of music has dipped a bit in recent years. With the possible exception of Black Knight, Their latest songs have been quite dry. I even found their remix of Sonic Boom to be lacking in a few areas. That shit NEEDS female vocals dammit. Plus, the inclusion of Cash Cash fucking destroyed any possibility of that remix being good (and no, that’s not 40’s fault, I know I know). Their remix of “With Me” was also a tad underwhelming. Sounded too similar to “All of Me” from Shadow the Hedgehog.

I think the real problem is that all of their music since Heroes sounds too samey and indistinguishable. Especially the boss themes from Black Knight. They usually play at the same exact speed, similar tone/pitch (not an expert at music terms, sue my ass), just… samey all around. If you heard one Crush 40 song, you’ve heard them all. Even bands like “Disturbed” change it up a bit every now and then. You get the heavy metal shit, and then you get some weird soft solo with violins playing (WTF!?). Crush 40 is really the same all around. Whether it was Sega’s orders or no, there’s very little variety within their talents.

That’s just me, of course. And all this after “Never turn Back” really. Oh wait, that was Shadow the Hedgehog…

Now… the moment you’ve never waited for.

As we march ever closer to the release of a thousand shitstorms (unless there’s an extra delay), we find that Lost Mind had quite a few leaks from early releases. So I feel I can relieve myself from that hold off. But, I feel it’s my duty to save you money on preorders. Hopefully this dirt is accurate.

Someone’s revealed the ending of Sonic’s Lost Mind while trying to hype up Robotnik’s role to absurd levels.

In the true scenario, things are a bit more serious. After Eggman’s mech is defeated, the entirety of Lost Hex immediately begins to shake, revealing the Death Egg mk.II getting close in orbit and trying to suck it back up to recombine with Little Planet, which is still inside it. Eggman laughs at Sonic for foolishly “siphoning” the energy needed to reactivate it, and thanks Sonic for unintentionally repairing his most deadly creation (he really does screw up in this game), and as a reward for everything going according to plan he tells Sonic he’s played him and the Deadly Six this entire time. The Deadly Six didn’t intend to try invading Sonic’s world, but instead they were merely defending their homeland from Eggman. Eggman was able to conquer them with his Badnik army and his controlling device, but he anticipated Sonic screwing everything up as usual so he got control of them one-by-one when they were defeated by Sonic at his respective zones. But his “backup plans now have backup plans,” so he had every member captured when they were weakened after their final defeat at Lava Mountain and taken to the Death Egg mk.II to be roboticized, making Eggman a (OMG) serious threat that’s stronger than ever. Sonic boards the Tornado to assault the space station before it sucks up the Lost Hex with Sonic’s friends on it, as well as set things right by saving the Deadly Six.

So, yeah, Robotnik “plotted” everything and tricks Sonic. And the Six Deadly Retards are good guys after all. WOW! THEY TOOK THE PLOT OF SONIC 3 AND KNUCKLES AND REUSED IT AGAIN! I’M SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO HYPED! Srsly, you were conquered by badniks, how fucked is your life? Did they have bad enemy placement!? THAT MUST’VE BEEN THE KEY TO THEIR SUCCESS!

Honestly speaking, that is the most retarded plan out there. It’s long-winded and too bloated for the sake of deception. Why don’t you just shoot him next time? I mean, who DIDN’T that shit coming? Robotnik taking down Super Sonic is still more epic than this shit. I’m amused at the obligatory references/cute shit to CD and 3K, like it really fucking matters.

Oh shit…… broken promise. Fuck it. I’m in meltdown phase.