Ok folks. It was known from the start that the game’s story was going to be a load of crap, but… hell, they bothered to put in 7 chapters of this shit, might as well get an analysis.
So… Dodon-pa, a raccoon named after a damn Roller-Coaster apparently, invites Sonic and friends to car races… just out of the blue. And at first, everyone is confused, but Sonic, being the adventurous twat he is, thinks it’ll be fun regardless.
Now, the thing that I wasn’t expecting was early on, EVERYONE was suspicious of Dodon-Pa, and assumed right off the bat that he’s working for Robotnik. So much so that Tails literally hires Vector to sneak into the competition and get a background check on him (the excuse for why Espio and Charmy not being in the game is that they’re actually doing the work while Vector is undercover. Well, it’s a better excuse than “HERP DERP THEY BROKE UP OFFSCREEN!!!”) So while Vector is putting on this act of being money hungry for a cash prize, he’s the only one taking the time to find dirt on this guy. So… I guess he’s not a total loss. UNTIL then, however, I had to endure the hair-brained idiocy of Sonic, Big, and Buttnik. Knuckles is only mentally ill during races, but in the story, he’s portrayed…. mildly competent. It’s a shock this day and age.
Now, there was also the issue of Dodon-Pa having the power to….. send invites through time and different dimensions. Which is why Silver and Blaze are in the game (how they got here isnt explained). That ability isn’t elaborated on at all, and when you finally find out who he is, it makes even LESS sense. Dodon-Pa… is the president of an automotive company who wanted to gather test data, not for the performance of his cars… but…. “Teamwork Energy“.
heh…..hehehehhhehe… ok ok ok…. so….. let me get this straight.
Dodon-Pa sets up a random racing competition and invites complete strangers to partake in order to gain data on their teamwork… so that he can develop an engine that runs on……… teamwork. I repeat. Dodon-Pa DEVELOPS A FUCKING CAR ENGINE THAT RUNS ON THE SUPER POWER OF TEAMWORK! THAT…. IS JUST…. DUMB!
eck.. How the fuck does that even work!? Do the drivers… plug themselves into the cars and then some computer… analyzes how well they work together or some shit!? And then it performs better or worse depending on whether they want to be cooperative!? That doesn’t even sound remotely practical! Knowing people have giant egos and would rather do things their way, you’d have to be 100% Asian for everyone to get into lockstep. You think automotive accidents are frequent now,… Omg, this sounds like the Matrix. The driver is the fuel for the machine!.
No, no. Anyone who thinks “it’s for kids” comes close to excusing this bullshit needs to ask their doctors if paxel is right for them. Now you’re just insulting kid’s intelligence! You remember Sonic Riders’s story? Where the air boards had some logic to them? They ran on air, and was based on the technology of ancient, flying carpets? Yes, that’s logical compared to this bat shit crazy mess here! Air tanks on hover boards to have them float =/= Engines powered by cooperation! Oh Amma, Sonic is royally fucked if this is the level of bullshit they would greenlight. And I could assume that this was a nod to Sonic Heroes… cause that’s the usual BS they’d spew to cover for shit logic…. Oh lawd….
You know… we’ve come a loooong way from floating islands and demonic entities that could travel through time, and little planets that are constantly in a state of temporal fluctuation… to be bullshitted by Car Engines that run on the equivalence of friendship. this series produced some really AWESOME ideas back in our days, chock full of imagination and mysticism. So much so that even the SPINOFF racing games, Riders 1 and 2, just added more to the mythos of Sonic’s bizarre world, despite being non-canon. Even Colors, to an extent, had more thought put into it…. I think…
Moving on, after they find all this out, it turns into typical pontaffications where Robotnik panders to fans by being the final enemy, kidnapping Dodon-Pa, stealing his engine, and using it for… some dumb robot…. Robotnik wastes this magical engine on a stupid, generic robot.
And of course, he’s beaten, his lousy ship is blown up, and afterward, Sonic still wants to go on racing, and everyone is like…
What I find incredible is that… for the entire story, Sonic has acted like a self-serving douchebag to everyone (especially Silver) all because he’s just sooooo excited to race people in cars, and then…. at the very last minute, after beating the final stage and the place starts to blow up, Sonic starts going Captain America and is all “WE HAVE TO SAVE OUR FRIENDS! ANYONE WHO CAN FLY, TAKE THE OTHERS AND GET OUT OF HERE!” No, that’s unacceptable. At that point, it’s out of character. Sonic, throughout the story, hasn’t expressed any real, tangible concern for anyone or anything but beating Shadow in a race. It’s unconvincing for him to start acting like some leader of the heroes when he alone has contributed nothing to the investigation into Dododon-Pa, and even bemoaned the other characters for focusing on something other than competing with him. You do not get to say that he was deep down a caring person. For all he knew, he was contributing to their demise by being so gung-ho about these races. Then again, seeing his behavior in Lost Mind, Sonic isn’t one to hold himself accountable for his mistakes.
Everyone except him, the Chao, and Big, were all suspicious of, and took a proactive stance investigating Dodon-pa. But Big at least had the excuse of being mentally retarded and thinking Dodon-pa wasn’t evil because the wisps only worked with good people (also, fuck the writers for shilling the wisps when you have FRIGGIN CHAO surrounding the place!). ANd the Chao themselves are children who can’t talk. Sonic… was just a dick. And that doesn’t reflect well on you when the guy from the special Olympics has more sense.
Frankly, the story isn’t…. THAT much of a dumpster fire. The main characters (namely, Sonic and Robotnik) are the worst elements, but are surprisingly uncommon for the most part. The one’s who get the most story are….Silver and Blaze… which is cool seeing as they’re the only “normal” people here. Everyone else wants to be a quippy cartoon
Meaning, I have to take back what I said earlier about the characters being ok.
Shadow seems uncharacteristically competitive with Sonic. Sure, there was that one ending in Shth, but who took that one seriously? I’d have to say this was inspired by Sonic Boom because otherwise, Shadow wouldn’t give 2 lousy damns what Sonic is talking about. He mentions that he’s in this race to Stop Robotnik above all else, but… then you get this…
Give me a break! This isn’t Shadow! His job in this game is to talk shit and nothing more. He has no Intel on Robotnik’s plans, he just proclaims he’s going to stop him… and doesn’t even do that much. Why does it feel like the Chaotix does more work in these games than the rest of the cast? Also, Shadow is here to put a stop to Robotnik’s plans as his primary motive… but why? Shadow couldn’t give 2 shits what Robotnik or anyone else would be doing unless it benefited him in some way, or his superiors gave him explicit orders to do so. Here, Shadow partakes in the race of his own accord because he wants to stop his plans, and I’m like “what!?”. That’s not his character at all.
I think everyone will agree that they’ve ruined Rouge the Bat. She’s WAAAAY too snooty and flirty in this game. And that was NEVER her character! They tried to turn her into Felicia Hardy. And Karen’s delivery doesn’t help. At….all. She’s a completely different person and I am not ok with that. For Amma’s ‘s sake, when you select her to race with, She has this really horrid line. “Oooooh, I like that!” Ugh! That is so creepy! Look… Rouge’s sex appeal did not come from sounding like a 5 dollar whore on the street. Her personality had nothing to do with having big titties and a big ass! If you actually went back and played SA2, Heroes, Shth, and 06, you would see her speech pattern wasn’t that of a stripper! Her dialogue did not carry sexual innuendoes! She was concerned about jewels and her talent as a treasure hunter. She prided herself on those 2 things! Not her crotch power! Goddamn, they fucked this character! Probably in the form of a body pillow if they could.
…Ok…..that was actually cute. Karen’s shit delivery withstanding. Dafuq, did I just say cu-
Amy is a soft core version of Sonic. And… sorta acts like Sonia from Sonic underground if anyone remembers that show. Otherwise, pretty insignificant.
I dont even think Omega did anything. Figures, old second rate Gamma that he is.
I feel like I’m forgetting someone, though. It’s on the tip of my tongue, is probably one of the most shilled characters ever. It’s not Blaze this time because she has even less appearances than Silver…. OH… WAIT!
And all this time, he’s just Buttnik’s bitch! Holy shit, I thought Rouge’s personality was inconsistent. These doorknobs give more attention to Lost Mind and Colors despite having NOTHING of interest, and the cocksuckers at Sega couldn’t even be bothered to keep THIS retard consistent! Robotnik simply asks Zavok to do him some favors, and Zavok gladly does this!? And all the while, Robotnik is insulting him for being a bad driver! He doesn’t even have that horn that causes him pain, and yet Zavok just goes along and helps him for no apparent reason!?
Oh goodness! Oh my! I don’t think I can even take Colors DS into account for Silver and Blaze anymore! I mean…. Lost Mind came out in 2014. That’s 5 years ago. I could see forgetting details in Colors DS (hell, I didn’t even KNOW that scene with Silver was in the game, and I fucking own a copy!), hell, it’s more understandable to not know that Rouge wasn’t a slut in the early to mid 2000s, or specific memory loss details after 06’s in-game retcon (that and I think it’s obnoxious to expect everyone to own multiple consoles just to know all these obscure details in Rivals, Rush, Colors, etc.)…. but Zavok’s willingness to work with Robotnik despite their shared antipathy for each other from a game that only came out a mere 5 years ago shows they just don’t give a fuck! It’s proof that they merely threw these games together with EXCUSE PLOTS! They aren’t important to track of anymore. It’s all about the gameplay… because the internet LOSERS said so! At least Vector has a valid excuse for sharing the same space with the animu couple, Zavok has no business being on Robotnik’s team, nonetheless this game! Hell… CHIP would be a better character to choose! Or Marine! Or maybe PUPPET TAILS! CYBER KNUCKLES! Or even Black Doom! Don’t sit here and try to force us to give a rats ass about Lost Mind or Colors!
I watched a 3-month old video about how TSR was supposed to be this “celebratory game”, and I find that incredibly hard to believe. They can’t even bother with details of their own franchise so that the characters don’t feel off in the slightest. There’s no excuse for this, no. Even with the most recent (and hated) Sonic character, they don’t bother with consistency. That is waaaaay past lazy.
Idk if I should be more pissed at the lack of consistent details or the fact that you can have car engine run on friendship. Also, I don’t hear Laura Bailey in Blaze’s voice. Nothing is making my ears bleed more than being reminded of Sword Art Online.
It goes without saying that the way the R was designed in the title was disingenuous and condescending.
I think Crush 40’s theme music is completely, 100% out of place for something as silly as this. It reminds me of SFxT where they had this rock theme and all this cool shit happening in the intro, but then you actually play the game, and it’s a bunch of retards doing whatever they assume would be funny to animu fans. But even in this game’s intro, there’s nothing… cool going on, so it’s just Crush 40 looking for a check. Sonic and the Black Knight was more appropriate for Crush 40 than this silly ass shit.
But that is a symptom of what Sega is doing with the franchise as a whole. It’s just meaningless fanservice to try and pander to anyone desperate for a sign that Sega cares about their fans. All a smokescreen so they can get to them Nintendo fans instead. Case in point, Sonic’s Ultimate theme. When you pull off a team ultimate, the current soundtrack is replaced by the character’s individual themes. Most of the character’s themes came from their respective games, mostly from the adventure series (Rouge’s is the Security Hall theme, strangely enough.)
However…. Sonic’s theme is the main theme song…. of Colors. I don’t have words. I guess because Sonic talks like he’s been eating paint chips or something, the music would be more fitting? 😛 But the thing is… if Sonic is supposed to be the embodiment of coolness, wouldn’t it be more appropiate to use either of the 2 “It Doesn’t Matter” themes from Adventure? Or even City Escape since that’s EVERYONE’S favorite song? Why the fuck would you use Sonic Colors as his theme song!?
Speaking of music, I’m actually very disappointed in the soundtrack. Aside from the garage theme which is… admittidly a better remix of the main theme, a lot of the course music is trash. Aside from the Final Egg theme from one of the many reused tracks in this game. Most of the remixes in this game are absolute trash. Sandopolis from S3K should’ve just been arranged instead of remixed for a faster pace. There was a sense of…. “Majestic dread” to that song which carried over to when you dealt with the ghosts of Act 2. Speaking of which, they do have the ghosts from SA2…. which creates a missed opportunity to use the Pyramid Cave theme from the same game. That was a sick song, man! Instead of fucking up Sandopolis! They also, weirdly enough, remixed the desert boarding challenge music from SA1 (the one that Tails had to do in his story). Scraping the bottom of the barrel there, eh? Especially since you have 3 deserts from SA2 with better music, one Zone from Unleashed (but we;ll jack off to Spagonia instead, like we ALWAYS do!).
Infact, that brings up another point. Sega seems to go for their favorites more so than the fans. We have Planet Wisp, Seaside (AGAIN! and Spagonia, all zones he had to put up with from Generation. And since the courses in this game are grouped by their zones, you have 3 separate renditions of the same place. It’s not helped by the fact that Seaside Hill has 2 courses that were already used by the previous ASR and Transformed games. I suppose I should give them credit for at least trying to make the Spagonia courses more diverse.
The Ice Courses don’t even use Ice Cap’s theme (though with how shit Sandopolis sounds, it’s probably for the best.) Though, it would’ve been a great opportunity to use the tracks from 06 instead of pussy ass Holoska. They use all the crappy music from Sonic’s history rather than all the cool shit, so it really puts into perspective just how out of place Crush 40 is.
As for the original songs, they’re all shit, so… yeah, this might be the most unremarkable soundtrack in any Sonic game, even with Lost Mind and Boom’s existence.
Aesthetically, it still looks like a Sonic game (since everything is recycled assets), though some courses have questionable elements. MOther’s road has this big, pink Jelly fish flying around, and that raises a few eyebrows there, Sky Road looks like a bootleg Port Town from F-Zero GX, and the haunted course is disorienting with those faded green roads. Also because courses are group by their zones, it feels like you have a lacking variety of courses at your disposal. Its not helped by the fact that quite a few of them are recycled from the previous games. Or that so much of them comes from Sega’s personal favorites rather than something people would actually want (Empire City is BETTER than Spagonia, goddamit!)
Not a fan of this Super Mario Brothers 3 style mapping. Also, fuck stage 6-3.
Sonic’s design is…. a little weird in this game. Often times, he looks like he’s on drugs. Every other character looks ok for the most part, except when they smile. In particular, Sonic and Knuckles don’t have that particular sneer when they smile (only one still I’ve seen does), they look…. goofy. Especially when you first boot up the game, you got Sonic looking retarded. Abnormal, even.
That combined with that overdrive cartoon leads me to believe this franchise is officially dead. They want to go full happy meal on this bitch. I would hope that’s just for this game, but the last decade doesn’t give me hope.
Considering that this game is a spinoff (and isn’t even trying to be even remotely good), I know I shouldn’t be focused in on how accurate they do anything regarding the story, but goddammit! Ok, so, we all know about the (alleged) friendship between Silver and Blaze. We know their respective stories. Blaze being introduced in Rush, and Silver in 06. Blaze also appears in 06… and as far as I and anyone else was concerned, the Blaze in both Rush and 06 are 2 separate characters.
In the Rush series, Blaze is a princess/queen of the Sol dimension who’s duties are to protect the Sol Emeralds and some scepter whose name escapes me at the moment.
In 06, no mention of her royal background, and she hails from the future with Silver. As it is a war torn hellscape, it would be impossible to care about being a pampered princess anyway. In either case, one is a princess, and the other isn’t. the fan theories regarding Silver’s ending in 06 (to my knowledge) was never acknowledged, confirmed, etc.
As well, I don’t know if Silver and Blaze interacted with each other since 06 (I don’t recall them speaking with each other in Generation, either) so…. Blaze shouldn’t even know who the hell Silver is. If Iizuka or Sumo actually gave a rats ass about anything post Yuji Naka’s leave, the conversation would be more along the lines of:
SILVER: Blaze!? Is that you!?
BLAZE: Who are you? How do you know my name!?
SILVER: Blaze, it’s me! Silver! Don’t you remember!? Our fights with Ibliss? Our ventures through time!?
BLAZE: I remember only my duties as a princess.
SILVER: Princess!?
DODON PA: Ohohohoho! Sorry time traveller, but she isn’t the Blaze you know! I pulled her from a different dimension!
SILVER: But she SEALED herself into another dimension! For all you know, she’s the same person!
DODON PA: Well, if she’s that important to you, then perhaps you can join her team!
SILVER: Team!? Oh right, this invitation. I don’t know what this is all about, but you did me a favor, so I guess I’m obligated to participate.
You know, cheesy shit like that! Guy was devastated by this shit. But… eh, when you consider how they explain where they come from, it’s obvious the game was tailored toward people who know very little about the franchise. Silver and Blaze are probably the most obscure characters at this point with how little they’re used.
It’s pretty irksome, ya know? It’s not too much to ask for a LITTLE attention to detail, is what I’m saying. Even for a spinoff. Even if they’re trying to forget 06 happened (so why include Silver at all if it’s so embarrassing?)
Ironically, they seem like actual friends in this game than they did in 06. >_> That, and they’re probably the only characters that aren’t irritating like the rest of the cast.
EDIT: Alright, so they did meet in Colors DS. Well…. that’s not easy to miss at all! Now the only thing that’s going to confuse me to death is her royalty status. And… now that I think about it, did they interact in Generation 3DS?
Well folks, it was inevitable that a spinoff like this would give way to an excuse for bad writing… but, Sega has gone beyond the impossible and turned Sonic into a crack baby.
I forgot to snap the part where he says “Water-way to go!” anytime he goes over a puddle. Oy.
Hey kids! Wanna learn how to be way past uncool? Just have your allegedly cool characters explain away their sarcasm! And don’t forget to shill Zavok! He’s TOTES more important than Infinite!
This is a Pontaff trademark, I know, but this is getting old.
Sonic is officially neutered. The way his dialogue is written in this game, it’s as though they were trying to make Sonic the videogame equivalent of DBS Goku. New tournament, and while everyone else is saying it’s a bad idea to be involved, Sonic is far too excited to compete and win if it means boosting his ego. Oh dear lord, I’m comparing Sonic to Dragon Ball! No wonder I had a Tornado warning recently! Sonic is the spitting definition of a soulless husk. A meat bag of crap quips that he spews with childish glee, thinking that he is in anyway being clever or funny. The way Sonic is portrayed boggles my mind. Literally, I have no idea what kind of direction they want this character to go in anymore. It’s like they’re making a mockery of the 90s Era Sonic media, and having that as his default personality, and we’re supposed to think that’s funny and clever, but all it does is make the writers come off as pretentious, and the character sound fucking retarded. I don’t understand how anyone can listen to something like “It’s about to get ULTIMATE up in here!” and not develop an aneurism. This is NOT who Sonic is. Atm, he is… apocalyptically cringy. Like… you WANT to strangle him. It’s a marvel… nay…. a WONDER that no one looked at this script and thought “this is fucking retarded, what do we even have editors for!?” Even with my shit comedy, I couldn’t fuck up this badly!
Well, if Knuckles couldn’t sound anymore mentally challenged, here! He can sit by Sonic in rehab. At the very very very very very very very very least, this is just kept to racing dialogue. Outside of it, Knuckles seems more intelligent than he had been in the past decades.
And even some legitimately smart ass remarks. Aw hell, did I just give props to the writing? My bad. But hey, you’d be amazed too if you ran into some dialogue that didn’t make you ashamed of being a fan of this series.
Other than that, everyone else in the game is… surprisingly NOT retarded. There’s so much focus on making Sonic and Knuckles idiots that it almost feels weird that everyone else isn’t made to be a fool.
Oh come on! His hands aren’t even on the goddamn wheel!
The game is basically All Stars Racing 1 with crappier drifting mechanics and even worse voice acting. I don’t know how they got worse from between Forces and now, but…. goddamn. I originally thought Kareen Strassmen was a good choice for Rouge… but now she’s starting to sound like some high-pitched, boujie tramp. And… WHY THE FUCKDID THEY REPLACE SILVER’S ACTOR (Quintin Flynn) WITH BRYCE KAPERCROCK!? FROM THE FUCKING SWORD ART ONLINE!? OMG he’s terrible!!!!! What the fuck was wrong with Quintin Flynn!? You had a goldmine with that guy!!!! UGGGGGGH!!!!
Tails actually sounds like a girl in some places. Big literally sounds like Goofy in certain areas. Kirk Thorton is still a shitty Shadow…. see… I know what Sega is doing. They’re trying to pander to all the anime fans because they know they have shit taste and will literally gravitate toward anything that has their favorite animu voices. The problem is none of them fit any of these characters. They’ve all been miscast in order to entice the dregs of entertainment. It takes a lot of effort to miscast Patrick Seitz, lemme tell yah. I notice Keith Silverstein is still Vector, but it’d make more sense if he was playing as Robotnik. At the very least. I am sick of Pollock. Funny, they got rid of Jason who played a great Shadow and a mildly improving Sonic, but they keep around this poor excuse of vocal cords and shill him out like he’s anything more than some guy who got the job because a superior actor took a dirt nap.
None of these actors were chosen because they fit the characters, they were chosen for the same fucking reason Ronda Rousy became Sonya Blade. Dat STAR POWER! Reared it’s ugly fucking head in this series. I’m just shocked they haven’t used Troy Baker and Laura Bailey yet.
*sighs* moving on.
I’d like to say that, gameplay wise, it’s slightly better than Transformed. Slightly. Since there’s no silly ass transformations to get in the way of the racing, no, that’s been replaced by Rubber Band AI that (once again) favors Amy Rose. I’ve noticed that no matter the game, Amy gets a vicious AI that propels her to being the most annoying cunt in any game she’s in. All of my races have her often in first or second place. And often times, if I was seconds away from getting first place, here comes one of her bullshit rockets to knock me in the ass while she QUICKLY takes the win away. It’s happened 7 fucking times already, I kept count of that shit! That cannot be coincidence. 7 times is too consistent.
What is it, Sega? Do you love Amy so much that you make the bitch cheat!?
The typing system from Heroes and Riders comes back, and all it really does is hinder the maximum of what you can do. Speed just has shockwaves after boosting that pushes away projectiles that might hit you (situational techniques that aren’t useful, essentially), Fly characters… sorry…. “Technique” characters can ride on any terrain without slowing down (basically shits on the grass and otherwise) And Power can just bulldoze certain obstacles. I think this was a last minute design because the courses don’t take advantage of the typing system, and just seems to be a lazy way of allocating statistics to certain characters. Like all characters in a given category have the same exact stats. Speed Characters have the best top speed overall, Fly Characters have better handling but terrible boosts, and Power Types are completely neutered in usefulness. Now say it with me! Just… another…. way…. of…………… KEEPING THE BLACK MAN DOWN! HOO-WHHOAAAAAAAAAAAA
Seriously though, Power Characters suck ass in this game. Don’t ever use them unless you WANT to lose. Now, they tried to incentivize using different type categories by making certain power ups exclusive to them…. which to me is a pointless gesture when the game allows you to swap items between teammates (more on that later). See, in another effort to shove wisps in your face, they are the powers you get here, but they’re merely retooled variants of powerups you got in the previous 2 games…. WHICH ALL CHARACTERS COULD USE! Also, because item distribution is, again, dependent upon your place in a race, you may or may not see anything more than rockets and cubes. Of course, that may just be my proclivity to using Silver and Rouge (Fly types), as on occasion, I would get Burst Wisps with Sonic. But otherwise, I’ve never been able to get the Quake Wisps (I think they made that one up), or the lightening wisp (literally ripped off of Mario Kart and is just as bullshit here), or the dreaded Music Note Wisp… that I am FURIOUS they even brought back at all!
The way the powerups operate is…. so disgustingly Mario Kartish that I would’ve went ahead to get my money back if they weren’t so rare to deal with. Lightening shit happens once in a blue moon, there’s no Blue Shell variant… but there’s a lot of powerup spamming going on in the game, and unlike in the previous 2 games, you can’t avoid most of that shit. And again, whereas you might have difficulty hitting the AI with rockets, the AI has perfect fucking accuracy and can beat your ass all over the track before you could ever recover.
Now… what mitigates this…. somewhat… is the main selling point of the game. The team aspect. 3 things. They retooled the turbulence from Sonic Riders and made it exclusive to your respective teammates. Whichever teammate is in front automatically generates slipstream which…. kicks the shit out of regular drift boosting. You get this sudden burst of speed regardless of whether or not you’ve stopped dead in your tracks, you just go into top speed right off the bat. And you know, longer you stay in, the more powerful your boost is. So, if you’re getting fucked up by all the spams going on, you can immediately recover from that with turbulence from your team. And I can dig that. I don’t enjoy being the easy prey for the AI, and there’s a disgusting amount of times where you can get pounded on by one hit after the next, over and over, and your team’s turbulence gets you right back on your feet. So it really mitigates that level of bullshit that the game has going on.
However…. often, I found myself being the lead teammate while my AI partners were like… in 8th place or somewhere, so I’m way the fuck up in front, and these jackasses keep bringing up the rear. So I can’t really take advantage of the Turbulence as often as I’d like because I have to do all the work to compensate for their incompetence. And boosting on your own is…. worthless. With the rubber AI of Team Rose, it takes way too long to charge up a single boost, and the courses don’t have long, drifty turns to incentivize drifting either. Besides that, drift boosts are pathetic no matter how long your charge them up, especially if you’re a Fly character as their boosts are nonexistent as far as I’m concerned. Oh sure, Power Characters allegedly have higher boosts than everyone else, but they’re too slow and have poor acceleration to make up the difference.
Now I mentioned before that you can swap items between teammates, and that is… supposed to get over the hurdle of type exclusive items, but it feels like a really situational mechanic. Sure, if you don’t need an item, and want to ditch it for something else, but don’t want to waste the item in case it’s useful for later on, then yes, it has some significant uses. But that depends on how reliable your teammates are, as well as what items you get. You can’t just pass off an item and think someone else is going to hold onto it for you, or make better use of it. You need some real, strict coordination between your buddies to make full use of item swapping. Otherwise, it’s gonna be used for team ultimates. See, turbulence and item swaps builds up a team meter that you can use to go “ultimate”, which is basically the “All-Star” mechanic from the previous 2 games. Instead of having character exclusive abiltiies like forcing people to dance, it’s just your team having perfect driving mechanics, top speed, and invincibility for about 7 seconds…. shorter than in the previous 2 games. You don’t really feel as though Ultimates are worth much, but since it’s so much faster than you are by yourself, you do everything you can to build up that meter.
In other words, Sumo neutered the decent driving system of… well, the first game, in order to express the value of the team system, and that… is bad….. design. If you decide to play solo races, you feel underwhelmed by the game because all the advantages you had before are stripped away for what amounts to a bare bones racing game that was…. well…. tailor made for mario kart fans.
Yeah, I know I harped on people for having this obsessive, sexual perversion for comparing Sonic games to Mario games if only for the mere sake of trolling Sonic fans, but I really think it’s warranted here. With ASR and Transformed, they really did feel like their own games, like it had it’s own separate mastery to it. You couldn’t just jump from Mario Kart into Transformed and think you can spam powerups to win, you had to really study the tracks and EARN your fucking wins. But here, you’re so limited in what you can do thanks to the team mechanic, and the powerup spams are so severe, it might as well be a Mario Kart clone. Hell, the fucking lightening Wisp is the thunderbolt powerup from Mario Kart 64! You can’t get around how blatant of a knock off that is. And… again, this goes back to the issue that Sega is trying to appease the nintendo fans. Sorry, the “Mario” fans, and it’s absolutely terrible.
Here’s my thing. You’re not going to get the Mario Kart audience. They’ve invested too much time and money into MK8, they’re not going to automatically jump ship to your fucking game just because you printed more Switch copies. It doesn’t get more blatant than when a Gamestop employee tells you straight up that they didn’t even GET PS4 or Xbone copies of the game, but they have like 25 Switch copies the day or a few days after it came out. And they’re eager for the game to bomb than fans on other systems. The blatant favoritism is thick and irrational. They want Mario fandom approval so badly, it’s like we’re buying games from a coon.
But at the same time, I think they’re trying to “over-innovate” because they want to get away from the stigma that the game is just a Mario Kart knock off (Lightening Wisp won’t make that easy), so they try to emphasize the Team play by nerfing everything else. I say “let people think that”. Gamers love to compare apples and oranges because they’re just dicks. People called Nostalgia Critic a ripoff of AVGN, and he has an audience regardless. KOF? Street Fighter knockoff. Still has an audience. And yes, people have shit talked ASR and transformed as being Mario Kart ripoffs, and you have people saying Transformed is the best Kart racer ever made! Sega, wtf!? Why is it that when you crap gold, you immediately flush it into the sewers!? ASR was awesome! We didn’t need gimmicky transformations, nor do we need MK style powerups in the form of Wisps, or for good racing mechanics to be nerfed in favor of team mechanics! Stop fucking up what isn’t broken! Goddammit!
Okokokokok. Before the 35 year mark (IE before the Babylon Wars), Ivo spent most of his childhood in the Human World per Gerald’s orders (seeing what had happened with Maria). That said, Ivo was born with slight defect. He had a slight body shape similar to that of an egg. So growing up proved difficult for him as everyone had bullied him, giving him the nickname “Eggman”. They would even “egg” his house from time to time. And ofcourse it didn’t help that Ivo was a natural born genius, courtesy of his heritage, so being the one to get straight A’s in class made him a constant target, more so than his appearance and weight.
Ivo was taught that the children were merely jealous of his talents… and he believed it fully. After all, he was a gifted genius, hailing from the esteemed Robotnik Family! When he was a mere child, he constructed his first 2 inventions. “Heavy and Bomb”. At first, he made them to show the kids at school his talents (or shove it in their faces), as well as make them “even more” jealous. However, he was expelled for bringing an explosive device to school. Now he was isolated from other kids, and even the adults were questioning what to do with him. So, for the rest of his childhood, Heavy and Bomb became his friends. Heavy, being nothing more than a worrywart, and Bomb being the equivalent of Claptrap (from Borderlands). As well, Bomb’s legs would be replaced by a wheel. He still has no arms, though.
Since then, however, Ivo got older and moved on to making bigger and better tech. He was so proud and arrogant that he claimed that he was not a victim of nostalgia, a disease he believed would hold people back from greatness. This despite never discarding Heavy and Bomb. Even into his 30s, those 2 robots never left his side…. even when they started to annoy him. He claims that because the 2 were his first achievements, they were kept around to show the people his genius from a young age. But the truth is they’re his only friends in the world.
It was around this time that he heard about the events surrounding Gerald’s death, and that of Maria. Though he never felt sad (he never got to know them during his youth), and instead proclaimed that they must’ve done something foolish to die. Here, he travels to Mobius for the first time, and unlike the Human World, the Mobians respected and revered his presence. Such admiration became addicting as he flaunted his prowess. Robotnik knew very little about Mobius and figured the planet was like Earth in many ways. But he didn’t care. The fact that Mobians respected him, unlike the humans, was a very intoxicating and validating feeling, so much so that he decided to remain on Mobius indefinitely. After his (unnamed) father dies, Robotnik inherits Meteo Tech, and uses it’s resources to spearhead a multitude of different projects. Most of which were… actually harmful to Mobius’s environment.
Ok… Now to the 3 main Oprhans.
As I said previously, Vanilla was a young rabbit who ran an orphanage with her adoptive father, Cliff (yes, the old fuck from Sonic Boom. Not the best series to draw from, but he seemed useful for this). So far, however, the orphanage only had 3 other children at the time. One of which was an infant Armadillo named Mighty. He was given that name as a result of Armadillo customs. Armadillos are born with shell that vary in color. And the color determines the density of the shells. With Purple being the least dense, and Red being the strongest. Those born with Red Shells are considered “Mighty Warriors” of the Armadillos. Unfortunately, the Babylon Wars separated a lot of children from their parents. Cliff, having been involved in the war, set up the orphanage to rescue those children.
But yeah, that’s where Mighty got his name from. Now, the Blue Infant Hedgehog that was brought in didn’t have a name at the time. The parents didn’t have enough time to write a note or anything as their ship was attacked. As such, he wouldn’t get a name until he learned to walk. And… he was the fastest toddler in the orphanage! Vanilla decided to name him “Sonic” because he was hard to keep up with.
At the ages of 4, Sonic and Mighty… didn’t really get along. They were both vying for attention from adopters, and their competitiveness made them less appealing to pick up. Infact, they would often get into fights with each other that would tear up the orphanage from time to time. Cliff was so pissed that he forced the 2 to take care of a new toddler they picked up, that being Ray the Squirrel. Even though Sonic and Mighty were only 4 years old, they were forced to baby sit Ray! This meant they couldn’t focus on each other and had to constantly watch Ray. Course, Vanilla had to feed and bathe the child, you know Cliff wasn’t about to do any of that. Despite such… “careful planning”, Sonic and Might STILL didn’t get along… but at least they had a new friend! Right? RIGHT!?
When they got older, Mighty started doing dangerous stunts at the Orphanage. Because of his strong shell, he could survive any dangerous situation he got into without injury. He gave himself the name of “Dare Dillo”. …. What? It’s still a… “Kid’s series” right? Stupid names are a part of the deal! Anywho, because of all his stunts, he believed himself to be the most athletic kid in Green Hills. He also felt that he was the fastest. Sonic, still being a competitive kid himself, kept challenging Mighty to races and obstacle courses… and because Sonic had natural speed, he would often show Mighty up, and for the on-lookers, it would be more impressive as Sonic didn’t have a protective shell like Mighty did. At the same time, Ray tried to get involved in their little competitions, mostly to impress the girls. Needless to say, he would often get in the way and cause accidents, and Sonic and Mighty would just be mildly annoyed.
One day, Sonic, Mighty, and Ray, all got into a race during a thunderstorm… and it was one that Mighty was close to winning! However, he was struck by lightening before he could cross the finish line, and fell into a coma. An Armadillo’s shell in this case acts as a conductor rod for electricity. And their shells are attached directly to their skulls which surround the brain, meaning that electricity is fucking dangerous to Armadillos! Mighty was in this coma for 3 weeks, and the other 2 kids were terrified that he might die. Since Sonic often mocked Mighty for losing most of their races, he blamed himself for Mighty not paying attention to the storm. Ray blamed the weather instead… because why not? (Ray’s an idiot…. and extremely horny). Eitherway, Mighty wakes up and… almost forgets about the race. He’s just happy to be alive. But then he gets pissy when he finds out he didn’t cross the finish line. But eh, he checks the weather habitually for any rain chances, and he developed a phobia of electrical devices.
One day, while the 3 had their little picnic, Ray tries to open a can of soda… by punching it. He was so confused on how anyone could open up these cans without a specific can opener, and Sonic and Mighty just watched and laughed. After a while, Ray gets angry and throws the can, but accidentally fires off a solar beam from his hand…. which almost burns Sonic and Mighty. And scaring them off. And Ray thinks that he could make light shows for girls. No one knows why Ray could do this, but everyone assumes it’s because of all the pollution going on, thanks to Robotnik. Like he’s a mutant or something.
Finally, there was one day that Vanilla takes the boys to see some Rock and Roll concert in Spring City (Spring Yard Zone). And the boys loved it so much that they wanted to start their own Rock band. At first, Sonic proposed the name “Sonic Underground”, and obviously, Mighty objects, not wanting to be a part of group named after him. Might proposes the “Mighty Warriors!”, and Ray proposes “The 3 Sun Flowers!” (Ain’t that the name of the orphanage in Yakuza?). But then, they over hear Cliff talking with some of the orphans back home about his role in the Babylon War, that he was with a group calling themselves the “Freedom Fighters”. And that’s the name they decided to go with.
So we have our 3 main heroes. Sonic being the “Cool nice guy”, Mighty being the “Selfish Jackass”, and Ray being the “Horny Tool”… with the voice of Max Casella (Daxter of Jak and Daxter). Of course Ryan Drummond as Sonic, and maybe Richard Ian Cox (Inuyasha) as Mighty. They’d also have this…. thing where after doing something they’d consider “Rad”, they’d shout loudly “WAY PAST COOL!” and do an air guitar riff… like Bill and Ted in a way.
NOW WE START THE ACTUAL GAMES!
If I were doing one of those gay Sonic Panels, I’d like to announce a future game with a preview poster, or a “Prologue Trailer” that shows the events that precede the actual game, just to get the fans hyped.
For this one, we’d Pan into South Island with some intro music by Jungle, “Busy Earning”, going all the way to Meteo Tech’s head office with Robotnik (at about 55 years) making the normal rounds, and Bomb blasting noisy music, all the while Heavy gives ol’ Buttnik the updates on… shit. And then Mayor Big (the Cat) goes in. It’s implied that they’re on good terms with each, but Big also tells Robotnik that his operations in Meteo Tech are damaging Mobius beyond repair. Fracking, Offshore drilling, deforestation, polluted oceans, etc. Though Robotnik contends that these are all necessary procedures. Without them, Mobius would suffer a future energy crisis. But Big argues that they’re going to suffer a health crisis if those operations continue. In either case, the governing board of South Island, as well as those from neighboring islands agree that Meteo Tech needs to be shut down. And this enrages Robotnik, who declares that his ancestor began this company over 600 years in the past. He finally has the seat of power, and all of a sudden, they want to take it away from him. And Big tells him that their lives are at stake. And he can’t choose someone’s legacy over the livelihood of his people. So he gives him 3 days notice that GUN will seize control of all Meteo Tech facilities, and then leaves. Robotnik is…. ever so pissed. After all his ancestors have done for the Mobians, they wish to take away the work of his bloodline. He believes the Mobians should have more faith and respect for him and his work. And Bomb makes the comment that it and Heavy are lucky to be robots because they don’t need clean environments to function.
Unfortunately…. that gave Robotnik an idea. With a smile on his face to boot.
Elsewhere, in Spring City, a 15 year old Sonic, Mighty, and 13 year old Ray all gear up for the rock band competition as the “Freedom Fighters!” So when they start singing…. it’s proven that they’re not good at it. As Sonic is the lead singer, he gets knocked to the ground by a tomato as the audience. They start slinging food at the guys as they run backstage for safety. And pardon my attempts at comedy. “EVERYONE’S DOING IT!”
MIGHTY: Aw man, I knew it! They hate us!
RAY: How could they hate us? They gave us free food!
Vanilla tells the boys that their performances… aren’t good, and that they never really practiced a day in their lives to even be good. So the results speak for themselves.
Just before they trio could leave, their exit is blocked off by a crescendo of thots running up to Vector the Croc… who is a rapper (Maybe Khary Payton could do the voice?). He tends to fuck with the 3, calling them “twerps” and whatnot, and acts as a sort of rival for their music careers. Not only that, but Vector is sort of a famed hero, beating up burglars and rescuing some kids from burning buildings. Needless to say, the 3 hate him.
As they leave, Sonic begins having doubts about being rock stars simply because they suck, and no one is willing to give them lessons. So Ray has the idea of getting a sponsor from Meteo Tech. While Mighty is quick to call him a retard, Sonic actually cosigns the idea since Meteo Tech is responsible for the construction and maintenance of Studiopolis. Perhaps there, they could get free lessons and chances to have their own concerts at the promise of getting them more profits. It’s a long shot, but even Mighty agrees, only if he can see this attempt fail. They all head to Meteo Tech.
However, earlier, Meteo Tech’s HQ is infiltrated by GUN who, by contract, are there to seize Meteo’s assets. But…Robotnik doesn’t let that happen, and has a few of his combat drones take them down with the exception of GUN’s general Stryker (the Guile wannabe from the Knuckles Comics). There, he straps Stryker to an operating table, hacks into South Island’s networking satelites, and broadcasts a live feed into his lab where he demonstrates a new device he created. “The Roboticizor!” With this machine, he can convert flesh and bone into circuitry and steel with the mere press of a button. By now, the 3 teens enter the area and sees this going on. And Robotnik turns on the machine and slowly converts Stryker’s arm as he screams in agony, watching as his arm is twisted into something metallic. Ray uses his solar beam to break the machine… by accident. And as Robotnik catches a glimpse of the trio, they RUN LIKE HELL!! And Robotnik has one of his cage cars chase after them. Similar to the intro of SegaSonicArcade, the 3 try to escape the cage cars, but it catches them regardless, and they’re whisked away to an unknown location.
On a rooftop, Robotnik proclaims that it’s time for a new empire to rise. One that will glorify his family lineage, and drive the Mobians to their knees. One way or another, they will embrace him… “AS THEIR KING AND AS THEIR GOD!” 😛
And now the actual game. Whew!
So Neo Sonic starts off with Sonic, Mighty, and Ray waking up in a prison with several other Mobians who look terrified. After wondering what happened, Robotnik’s mug pops on a monitor where announces that they are all lucky to be here. These Mobians all have the opportunity to evolve and become a part a new master race of machines! Beings who need not rely on air, food, water, or even rest. They would be Gods amongst organic life. So, Mighty tells him to piss off and let them go, and Robotnik tells him in due time. However, they must pass a little test first. As Robotnik doesn’t quite know if Mobians will survive the roboticization process, he doesn’t have the time or patience to go through multiple trials. So he’s going to forcifully convert all the Mobians inside the prison… into Robots! So… a strange wall of green energy pops up behind them all, and slowly closes in on them. One of the Mobians is roboticized after merely touching it!
So the beginning Zone is a short skirmish. Mighty tries hitting the cell bars with his shell, curling up into a ball. And Sonic slowly joins in (this being how he learns the spin attack). Ray tries shooting the bars off, but they’re too shiny and reflect off into his butt. But Sonic and Mighty break through! Now, you pick one of the 3 to start off the Zone, and it doesn’t really matter here. You go through what is a straight corridor, and as you progress, some Mobians would be running around, but they get caught Robotnik’s drones and thrown into the Robiticizor wave. And to drive home how traumatic this scene would be, you’d hear the Mobians scream in pain and horror as you make your escape.
Afterward, the 3 would make it to the garbage disposal… and would be dumped out of Meteo Tech’s tower. Afterward, they’re in a dark city with multiple “SWAT bots” (Actually, they’re E-1000s from Sonic Heroes without the large ass beams) searching the area for escapees. Act 2 would be a stealth segment of sorts. You can’t damage the Swat bots, and destroying any of the badniks would alert them to your presence, so you’ll want to keep a low profile.
Afterward, the 3 escape to Green Hills and give Vanilla a group hug before explaining the hell they’ve been through. The next morning, they turn on the tv to see Robotnik making a public announcement about what he intends to do to the inhabitants of South Island. He is going to convert everyone into a machine unless one of 2 things happens. GUN surrenders all of their assets and soldiers to Meteo Tech OR Mobius’s leader agree to robotization, with their citizens following suit. He already has Mayor Big and General Stryker in his grasp and their failure to act will result in their deaths. They would have 7 days to think it over. And should GUN try anything funny, Stryker dies, and he’ll nuke the entire island.
These were both false choices as Robotnik plans to turn everyone into Robots regardless. He just wants the Mobians to feel as though they have a chance to escape their fates. And Sonic, luckily, sees right through it. He suggests that they try to stop Robotnik, but Mighty basically says “FUCK THAT!” (not in actual dialogue, calm down) He figures their best bet is to leave South Island and hole up somewhere until this blows over. He isn’t dying for anyone else’s sake.
SONIC: But no one else is going to stand up to him!
MIGHTY: That’s because they’re smart! Unlike you!
SONIC: Come off it, Mighty! If anyone can call you that! They should’ve named you “frighty” when you were born!
MIGHTY: I dare you to say that again!
SONIC: Or what!?
*Starts fighting*
Vanilla breaks them up, but Sonic keeps going on about what they need to do! Afterall, Sonic has his speed, Mighty has his unbreakable shell, and Ray has Sun beams that come out of his arms. And Vanilla has to remind Sonic that Robotnik has an army of robots, and deadly weapons. 3 kids aren’t going to be a threat to him!
Even so, when a few drones fly overhead, Vanilla gets concerned about Cliff’s whereabouts, so she calls him on a radio, finding out he’s in a different part of Green Hills.
VANILLA: You have to come back now! Robotnik sent out-
CLIFF: Naw naw, I’m not going anywhere! I’ve dealt with punks like him back during the war! I’m not backing down from a fight!
SONIC: Weren’t you just a medic?
CLIFF: A real soldier doesn’t bother with details! Now if I’m gonna die, then dawgonnit, I’m gonna die protecting the home I was born and raised in! Green hi-
*banging*
SWATBOT: Attention! Citizen of Green Hill! Die!
*static*
CLIFF: Awwwwwwwwwwww piss!
*shooting*
ALL: Cliff!
CLIFF: Hey! When y’all gonna come and pick me up!?
VANILLA: *sighs*
So… at the very least, they can try to save Cliff. So Green Hill… you know the drill. Before the start of each and every zone (not Act), you would get to choose between the 3 characters. The Zones stay the same regardless, but are harder or easier depending on who you use. And Green Hill is treated as a beginner zone so that players would get used to all the mechanics. There are no major traps, nor are enemies difficult to deal with.
Now, when the trio finds Cliff, they see him surrounded by Swat bots. And here, you’d have to fight them off at the end of Act 1. Now, the only way to damage them is attacking their heads while they’re firing their guns. Otherwise, they’ll huddle up in a defensive mode where they take no damage. Afterward, they get Cliff and other Mobian prisoners out of internment camps and try to get back to the orphanage, but Cliff doesn’t want to leave until he’s freed more prisoners. So Act 2 has you going through Green Hill at night to free more Mobians. Nothing really different from Act 1 besides more enemy variety. After beating Act 2, Act 3 is just a boss fight. The person in charge of the internment camp is “Chain-o-phant”. A robot Elephant with a ball & chain for a trunk. Now, this fight would be similar to Violen from MMX2 in that this guy jumps around on occassion and swings his trunk around the area. It’s a relatively easy boss. But for this game, you’d have 2 different ways of beating him. One is to just HIT him, or the other, you break his chain. Depending on how you beat the boss determines the next scene as well as whether or not you fight the final boss and get the true ending.
Destroying the boss normally would get a scene where the 3 start… talking shit about how much ass they kicked…. but then a little elephant child would be running around yelling “Daddy!” Just… randomly looking for his/her father… and Sonic and co. would look back at the robot they destroyed, put 2 and 2 together…. and then get the hell out of there. On the way back, Cliff would try to them that it’s not their fault. They didn’t know, afterall. But Sonic’s gonna keep blaming himself anyway because of course he does. But now that they know, it’s in their best interests to show some restraint and not just smash every robot that they come across. Some of them may still be Mobians, no matter their appearance.
On the other hand, if you just snap off the chain-
SONIC: This Elephant won’t forget THAT asswhoopin!
Yeah, probably not funny.
Anywho, the scene almost plays out the same, but Chain-o-phant is still alive… to see his son/daughter. The 3 are shocked to find this out, but are at least relieved that they didn’t blow his ass up. Chain-o-phant then starts asking what he’s been doing, and they all explain what happened. The Robotication process wipes their memories of their previous lives so that they become obedient slaves to Robotnik’s will. Only after extreme stress is put on the robots do their minds start slowly coming back to them. Cliff offers Chain-o-phant and his son/daughter a safe space back at the Orphanage until they can figure out what to do about his robotic condition.
In either case, Cliff wants to do something about Robotnik, but he figures his old ass can’t do much. But even though Sonic goes on about how he and the guys can help, though Mighty keeps telling him to piss off with that idea. But then Cliff figures that Vector can help since he’s the national hero of South Island, and THAT’S when Sonic says “that’s noooooo good!” But… seeing how badly Robotnik is destroying lives, they probably need all the help they can get. So he has to swallow his pride and venture into the Marble Zone, where Vector set up home (I remember reading somewhere that Vector lived in the Marble Zone, but I can’t remember the source). Cliff gives the boys a radio so that they maintain contact at all times. So… while Cliff sets up a refugee camp, the 3 boys head into the Marble, against Vanilla’s wishes
Meanwhile, Robotnik is sitting around while Big is strapped to a chair. And he questions what Robotnik hopes to gain from terrorism, and all Robotnik wants… is a little “respect”.
BIG: How do you get that from terrorizing the public?
ROBOTNIK: Respect does not come from kindness. It is derived from power. In all walks of life, it is power that commands respect, no matter what form it takes. You and the Mobians fear me. Thus, you would think twice than to cross me!
BIG: All because we’re taking control of Meteo Tech!? It’s a corporation!
ROBOTNIK: Preservation of one’s history is too great of a task to leave in the hands of others. I know of what the Mobians have done to my grandfather, what makes you think I would trust you with my heritage?
BIG: So that’s what this is about!? Have you any idea what he’s done in the past!?
ROBOTNIK: All I know is that your kind betrayed him, and led to not only his death, but that of my cousin!
BIG: Regardless, you were destroying this planet!
ROBOTNIK: Wrong. It was my ancestor, Julian Robotnik, who made Mobius more habitable than it were in the past. It was he who invented a filter to make the water drinkable! Taught you how to produce food. Made the air more breathable! And further down the line, more and more of my family’s innovations made your miserable lives better! That… demands…. respect! It’s simple, really. You Mobians have forgotten who brought you civilization! Meteo Tech was crafted from my bloodline, that which civilized you!! You… will not take it from my bloodline! It is a piece of my family’s illustrious history! The proof of our value to all worlds!
BIG:… You’re insane!
ROBOTNIK: It’s a matter of perspective, really. I’m trying to save what is rightfully mine!
BIG: And we’re trying to save our lives!
ROBOTNIK:…. So am I! A machine does not need food, air, or water to survive! If my innovations are a threat, then we evolve to meet those challenges!
BIG: So instead of finding a better way, you force us to change!?
ROBOTNIK: Evolution requires us to forgo our nostalgia, and forge a destiny that puts our ancestors to shame!
So Robotnik covers Big’s mouth and prepares to Roboticize him… until he gets an update on the situation in Green Hills. Finding that his unit was destroyed by 3 adolescent Mobians. Sonic the Hedgehog, Mighty the Armadillo, and Ray the Squirrel.
ROBOTNIK: You mean to tell me my operations in this area… were thwarted by mere teenagers!?
So…. Zone 2 is the Bridge from the Game Gear version of Sonic 1. And it’s only 1 Act. The gang can’t go the normal route to Marble Zone because it’s occupied territory by Robotnik’s forces. So they have to cross a loooooooooong bridge to take a detour. So here’s Sonic feeling smart… until one of Robotnik’s drones catches wind of them, and they have to run for their lives. It’s a third person on-rails Zone that lasts about 2 minutes. Unfortunately, near the end, the bridge they were crossing gets destroyed, and the trio fall into a jungle.
So Zone 3 is that Jungle from, again, the Game Gear game. The music here would be one of the songs from Samba de Amigo, and you’d have Ray shaking his ass to the beat of the song. Mighty gets pissed that they’re now essentially lost, but Sonic tells him to stop whining so they can move on and find a way out.
MIGHTY: May I remind you that we wouldn’t even be here if it wasn’t for the blue boy scout who’s feet works faster than his brain!?
SONIC: Everything is under control! We got this!
You know, originally, I thought of this gimmick where if you lost rings, some robot monkeys would come out of nowhere and start snatching them up… but then I thought “that’s total bullshit” as it would’ve made the Zone unfair. Too early to bullshit the players at this point. So the boss would be SUN WUKONG! Or Coconuts with a Bo-staff. So again, 2 ways to win. Just hit him normally, or destroy his staff. He tends to jump around a lot, and at first, while it looks like he spins his staff to block your attacks, it’s actually a double-edged sword as you can break his staff faster that way. He also likes to throw his staff like a boomerang. Scene afterward doesn’t change much (Or I’m getting lazy in descriptions), but in either case, Sonic, Mighty, and Ray manage to escape the jungle and…. finds the Marble Zone right around the way.
RAY: Convenient!
SONIC: See? I told you we got this!
MIGHTY: What you got was lucky.
Zone 4 is obviously Marble Zone. Now, Act 1 takes place on the surface outside, with falling pillars being the only real change here. As they find their way inside, Vector’s home security system activates the magma inside to try and flush em out with burns. Act 2 is indoors, with the exception of those damn spike traps and block pushers. I’d also have that Haunted Mansion theme from Sonic Heroes along with those jump scare ghosts from SA2, just to troll bitches. Marble Zone wouldn’t have a boss this time. I always thought it was weird that Marble Zone didn’t have spider or snake badniks, so here we go. The snakes would normally drop in droves from the ceiling while the spider jump around spreading silk from above, which can reduce your movement speed and leave you vulnerable to bullshit.
Anywho, the gang, after being nearly burnt to death, come to find that Vector was having some halloween party.
VECTOR: *sniffs* Hey, is something burning!? *looks at a girl’s ass* Oh, just some honey buns.
RAY: YES! But… no…
….Eh, I thought it was funny.
But then he looks at see the trio looking like they came out of chimney.
VECTOR: Ah, well look who rolled out of an oven! 3 uninvited half-baked punks! You’re the last morons I wanted in this joint!
SONIC: Yeah, thanks for trying to kill us.
VECTOR: Well, no one told you to break into this party! But hey, I get it! You obviously want my talent to rub off on y’all!
SONIC: Or we… reluctantly need your help!
VECTOR: Distinction without a difference if you ask me.
While Ray gets fed grapes by some of the bunny girls, Sonic and Mighty are confused as to why he’s throwing a party when South Island is in the middle of a crisis…. and why Robotnik’s forces haven’t attacked the Marble Zone yet. Vector claims it’s because he’s intimidated by his “awesomeness”, receiving a collective groan. But they say they need his help in bringing him down, and Vector responds with “why don’t you call GUN to help?”
SONIC: Their commander got captured, so they won’t make a move.
VECTOR: Pff… what good are they?
MIGHTY: Exactly!
Sonic: Don’t agree with him! Look, we’ve been getting our butts kicked trying to deal with him ourselves. We can fight off everything he throws at us! We need someone… with experience!
VECTOR: Here’s an idea. Why don’t you guys…. take yo behinds back up to the surface…. and get… some experience!
SONIC:…. pfff. Some “hero” you are!
VECTOR: Come again?
SONIC: *smiles* The famous Vector the Croc…. backing down from the forces of evil! Instead, he’d rather chicken out and hide underground like a wuss!
And Vector gets a little agitated.
VECTOR: You think you can goad me into fighting your battles?
SONIC: …..There’s girls watching!
….And that works!
They discuss events that have taken place, Sonic telling Vector about the refugee camps in Green Hills, as well as Robotnik’s operation going on in Spring City. Many of it’s citizens were being rounded up en masse. So they all decide to head for Spring City. And by all… just Sonic, Mighty, Ray, and Vector.
Zone 5 is Spring City, or just the Spring Yard Zone. The limited Casino elements, I’d leave out, and turn most of the place into an actual city with Neon Lights, and technicolor malls. Yeah, that’s what the area would be, like an oversized mall with gun turrets. Or at least… that’s Act 2. Act 1 would be similar to how it is in the original, except the bottom level of the Act would have cars and trucks periodically run through the place that could kill you in one hit.
The mall is where the Mobians were being held up and roboticized in, and that’s their main target. Though Vector is curiously absent for most of the action. Eitherway, they free the prisoners and then have to deal with an “Egg Hornet”. It’s an oversized Charmy lookalike with Shades on. So, it’s another 2-way boss fight, you can either hit it normally or just destroy both his wings. You got 2 separate wings to clip, and with the exception of Ray, none of the characters could actually reach his wings without him crashing into the ground. The boss fight is nearly the same as in the original with the exception with bee drones that he shoots out on occasion, and blocks his wings. It would be an annoying fight, especially if you want a good ending.
Afterward, the prisoners are freed, and Vector just comes out of nowhere to congratulate himself, much to the trio’s annoyance. Anyway, Vector claims there’s a way to get into Meteo Tech’s base…. through the sewers. And… the 3 just dive right in…. errr..
RAY: Well that’s a pleasant smell.
SONIC: Ack! Ugh! Are you sure this is the way!?
But then, Vector seals up their entrance. They’re confused as to what the hell he’s doing, but then…
VECTOR: Sorry boys, but Meteo Tech just so happens to be my primary sponsor! I keep going with you, I’d be biting the hand that feeds me! Well, not that I need their help, but good will is good wiil, yah know?
SONIC: You’ve gotta be kidding!
VECTOR: See you around, twerps! Hope you don’t get covered someone’s leftovers! HAHAHAH!
MIGHTY: YOU DICK!
Of course, Mighty blames Sonic for this, knowing now that Vector is working for Robotnik, he even knows the location of Cliff’s refugee camp! And… well, Sonic and Mighty get into another pissing contest. But then, Ray hears some metallic in the sewers and gets scared shitless, begging them to stop.
SONIC & MIGHTY: SHUT UP, RAY!
RAY: There’s something down here, guys!
MIGHTY: Just use your stupid lights or something.
But when Ray does, he illuminates the sewers and finds a large, robotic wolf with a single red eye! And they all scream like bitches and run for their lives.
Zone 6 is the Sewer Labyrinth, And it’s… well, nasty. You have to stay out of the water, otherwise you’ll lose rings slowly. Plus, it’s just so gosh darn unsanitary! Act 1is a horizontal corridor all the way through, while Act 2 is a vertical shaft with sewage pools. The boss here is that wolf from earlier. Again, another 2way fight. But first, you have to run from the thing similar to how Sonic Unleashed had you running from those big drones from behind. the Wolf has lasers and uses his tail on occasion to attack you, indicated by his shining eye or tail. After about 20 seconds, you come to a dead end where the game switches back to 2d, and you’d have to fight him off. You can hit him normally, or let him tear off the bricks from the walls (which lets in some sewage to sap your rings) over and over and over until there’s enough sewage to completely slow him down to a halt. It’s a little tricky and would depend on how many rings you’ve stored up to survive the fight.
While that was happening, Robotnik receives a call from Vector on a monitor where he thanks him for the sponsor.
ROBOTNIK:… I don’t recall ever sponsoring an aliga-
And then Bomb jumps up to the monitor.
BOMB: YOYOYO VECTORMAN WITH THE PLAN, IT’S YOUR NUMBER 1 FAN, THE BOMBERMAN! SLAP ME SOME FACE!
Then he head butts monitor hard enough that he knocks himself down to the floor.
BOMB: I’ll just pretend you didn’t see that!
ROBOTNIK: ….Well that’s one inquiry solved.
Robotnik immediately wants to lose his signal, but Vector tells him that he has a location of a refugee camp in Green Hills. And it might just make his day better! And of course, Robotnik smiles.
Afterward, the trio finally find a way out of the sewers via the Starlight District.
RAY: Man, I never thought I’d EVER wanna take a bath in my life!
But as they do, they get a call from Cliff where tells them they got raided by Robotnik’s Swat bots. Everyone’s been taken, including Vanilla. This angers Sonic enough that he THROWS the radio at a nearby window. Then he goes to sulk, believing he was just stupid. That he has no idea what he’s doing anymore. And now because of him, Vanilla is captured. If Mighty and Ray keep following his lead, they’ll just end up dead somewhere.
MIGHTY: Oh, he finally learned something! It does look like it’s gonna rain today!
Ray then tries to give Mighty the puppy dog face.
MIGHTY: No, I’m not falling for that! He admitted that he’s an idiot! *eyes water* Don’t do it Ray! I…. I mean it!
RAY: But… Vanilla!
MIGHTY:…. Dammit!
So they both try to get him out of his slump…. essentially by saying “we already came this far, and we’re not dead yet! Might as well keep on going.” Even though they don’t have a plan or a clue as to where they are. Then again, if they just sit on their hands, then everyone they saved in Green Hills will be turned into Robots. Including Vanilla. So Sonic gets off his ass and figures “alright. Lets do this!”
Also, if you’ve beaten the 4 prior bosses in those specific ways, the radio will still work, and Cliff will call you again. he’ll inform you that the roboticized Mobian you fought earlier (Chain-o-phant) had a wireless connection to all other robot Mobians. With that, they managed to figure out that Robotication isn’t perfect, and they require “Control Drones” to be under Robotnik’s control. You find the Control Drones, and the Mobians should break free of Robotnik’s control!
Zone 7 is Starlight District. It’s mostly a ghetto. Ground level is basically a street corner looking like it came out of Streets of Rage, and higher levels have those same speedways. You’d be dealing with more Swat Bots and increased enemy presence. I’d remove those goddamn fans, though. There’s no difference between the Acts.
The boss here is…. VECTOR! They find him chilling… watching the gate to Meteo Tech’s complex.
VECTOR: I thought I smell something from a toilet!
SONIC: Then you should keep your mouth shut!
MIGHTY: You’re dead, Vector!
VECTOR: Hey! It’s nothing personal! Just… simple! I join Robotnik’s ranks willingly, and he leaves the Marble Zone alone. And then I can just chill! Everyone else might get the business, but I’ll be free!
RAY: You sold everyone else out!?
SONIC: To save your own hide!?
VECTOR: Welcome to the real world, boys!
MIGHTY: I think one of those bunny girls could use a leather purse!
RAY: And the store is right around the corner!
MIGHTY: …….
SONIC: ….. We don’t need one. We got a freebie right in front of us!
VECTOR: Oh, you don’t want this! Believe that! Then again, watching this gate is boring! I’m just looking for an ass to kick!
Vector would only have 3 moves. Running forward slashing with his claws, fire breath, and tail whips. Anything goes here, you wouldn’t have any specific strategies. After the fight….
VECTOR: *cough*…crap…
SONIC: Why, Vector!? You’re supposed to be South Island’s local hero, and instead you sold everyone out for your own butt!
VECTOR: You twerps don’t get it, do you!? Robotnik ain’t your typical burglar. He’s got an army of robots, and he scared off GUN! Plus, he’s smarter than all of us. We can’t beat him.
SONIC: So you gave up without a fight? I see where Mighty got that from!
MIGHTY: HEY!
VECTOR: You think you 3 can do anything?
MIGHTY: Well we knocked some sense into you, didn’t we?
VECTOR: I’m nothing compared to him!
SONIC: Doesn’t matter. Right now, the only ones able to stop him are us! We can’t rely on anyone else. Come on guys! We got a mad scientist to bust!
And they open the gate.
VECTOR: You’re gonna get killed. You know that, right?
SONIC: At least we’ll die trying!
…………
RAY: You know, I’d rather live long!
SONIC & MIGHTY: Shut up, Ray.
Zone 8 is Meteo Tech. Not quite the same as Scrap Brain. The music would definitely change (something more akin to Brad’s theme from DOA3). You’d have an ass load of Swat Bots to deal with, that’s for sure.
The Boss here would actually be called “Scrap Brain”, as it’s just a giant Metal Skull acting as Robotnik’s Super Computer/Security System. It has similar patterns to Sigma Virus from X2 in that it flies around and fires beams and spawns enemies. It can’t teleport, but it will try to ram you several times. It moves around pretty fast, and likes to maintain it’s distance from you, so it’d be preferable to use Ray here. After trashing it, they make it inside a room where Stryker was being held in. After freeing him, Stryker tells them that Robotnik isn’t even here. He had fled to Mt. Mobius a few miles off the coast of South Island. Basically, his threat of nuking South Island wouldn’t include himself being in that destruction. Not only that, but Mt. Mobius is his true base of operations. On the other hand, now that Stryker is free, he can call in GUN support to take back control of South Island. That, and he seems fond of his new robot arm. However, it might take a while for them to lead a raid on Mt. Mobius, and the boys aren’t going to wait that long.
They run around and find a transport boat (or Egg Mobile), hijack it and fly to Mt. Mobius (with trouble as they don’t know how to pilot it.) As they approach Mt. Mobius, Robotnik spots them on Radar and fires a few cannons to knock them into the waters. Luckily, Ray is the only one who knew how to swim, and got Sonic and Mighty toward the mountain’s base.
MIGHTY: Next time, we take a regular boat!
SONIC: Wouldn’t have the time! Robotnik’s gonna-
And then he pops up on a nearby monitor.
ROBOTNIK: So the little brats survived! I do so admire your tenacity!
SONIC: You must be “buttnik!”
ROBOTNIK: Hmph! How juvenile. I suppose I should expect such from the youth. Along with that boldness. To challenge me with no means of victory! Either you’re incredibly… or desperate.
RAY: Or neither! We did trash your homeboys in Green Hills, Spring City, the Jungles, and those nasty, revolting sewers!
ROBOTNIK: Yes. You’ve proven to be more than a mere thorn at my side. It shows that… this probably goes beyond some sense of “justice”. Perhaps… there is someone you are desperate to save! And when I find her… (evil laugh)
then he cuts off the feed
RAY: Uh…. did he just say “her”!?
MIGHTY: He already knows who we’re looking for!
SONIC: Then we’ve got no time to lose!
Zone 9 is Toxic Caverns without the bullshit pinball mechanics. Most of the enemies here like to pop out of walls, you know those little lizard fucks from Spinball? Act 1 takes place in the first portion of TC, the area that you’d originally start in for the original, and Act 2 is the upper portion of it with the mine carts and such. Would have similar segments from Sonic Rush Adventure. It was the 3rd zone with the mine carts? And the boss here would that damn dragon that hides in the water. He’d rise up out of the water and sprout arms, and would have an attack pattern similar to Megan Jr. from Mischief Makers…. if any of you ever played that bad ass game on N64. If not, he liked to punch the ground in an attempt to squish you. This guy would be striking much faster, though, and would be designed to be one of the hardest bosses in the game. Now, I’d have a secret method of beating him in that, playing as Mighty, when the Dragon tries to punch you, you do Mighty’s somersault to knock his fist right back at him, knocking it’s head down to the ground. Then, you can either beat up on him, or use several spindashes to bring his health down quickly. After the halfway point, the Dragon would start using his miasma breath. But otherwise, it shouldn’t be too much trouble.
After that, the gang makes it to a large room with a locked door. And Robotnik shows up on a monitor again to taunt them.
ROBOTNIK: Still alive? I’ve clearly underestimated you.
MIGHTY: OPEN UP, FAT BOY! We’re gonna kick your ass!
RAY: And burn it!
ROBOTNIK: Soooo juvenile. It’s amazing that you 3 would fashion yourselves as “heroes”.
SONIC: Well, someone’s gotta fill in those shoes! Can’t have you running around, catching bodies, and turning them into scrap, can we?
ROBOTNIK: You think that’s all it takes? Just waltz about, disrupting my operations, and then going home? That’s all it would take be real heroes? How childish!
MIGHTY: Sounds to me that you don’t wanna give credit where it’s do!
ROBOTNIK: Oh no! At this point, it would be foolish of me to think less of those that have survived this long! But tell me. What makes one a true hero? Is it merely victory? Courage? Power? No. It is the will… to sacrifice oneself or others to meet the challenge.
RAY: Isn’t that just courage?
ROBOTNIK: (chuckles) In a matter of speaking.
Then a random platform pops up… with a roboticized Vanilla (probably in a more fanservicy design for the pervs of the fandom).
SONIC: Vanilla?!
MIGHTY: You…. you didn’t!
ROBOTNIK: The door you want opened is synced to her functions. So long as she continues to operate, this door will remain closed. Destroy her, and then you may enter!
MIGHTY: You sick bastard!
ROBOTNIK: This is what you came to be, right? Heroes? Then sacrifice is necessary! Her life… for the sake of Mobius. A fair trade, no? Otherwise, she’ll just have to kill you. Think it over!
Now, of course, if you got CLiff’s last transmission, you’d get extra dialogue here.
MIGHTY: Wait! Remember what Cliff said, right!?
SONIC: …. The Control Drones!?
MIGHTY: There might be one in the room!
And Ray spots it above.
RAY: THERE IT IS! Wait… will that get the door open!?
SONIC: Better to find out than the alternative! Just… don’t hit her!
So this boss fight changes depending on yadda yadda. If you killed the prior bosses, you fight Vanilla normally… who fights like a ninja.
You kill Vanilla, the game ends here, and you get the bad ending where the 3 fall to their knees and weep for her, all the while Robotnik laughs in the background. The credits would roll here with the trio… still on their crying as they’ve lost the will to keep fighting onward. Maybe have the ending credits theme from Sonic Battle… the final story one.
On the other hand, you’d have to destroy the control drone while avoiding attacking Vanilla. And after doing that, Vanilla goes haywire for a moment, and then feints. The boys quickly go to her aid before she wakes up.
SONIC: You ok!?
VANILLA: …..Boys? What are you doing here!?
RAY: SHE’S ALIVE!
And Mighty almost tears up.
VANILLA: Are you crying?
MIGHTY: N-no! It just… smells like onions in here!
SONIC: (laughs)
RAY: Well we did just come out of ANOTHER SEWER!
And then suddenly, GUN soldiers start to arrive.
SONIC: Well, you guys took your sweet time!
GUN: We’re here to begin our attack! But first, we need to retrieve any and all prisoners! You 4, come with us!
SONIC: …..No. Just take her.
VANILLA: What?
SONIC: Buttnik made this personal! You guys find the prisoners, we’ll deal with the big cheese!
RAY: Again.. I’d like to live long!
VANILLA: This isn’t the time to be reckless, Sonic! I’ve seen what he’s done. Being turned into a robot is painful enough!
MIGHTY: And neither will me cramming that roboticizer up his tail pipe!
And then… you’d get Zone 10. Metallic Madness (Bad Future)…. with some added lava since it is a Volcano. Before it starts, Robotnik pops up on another monitor.
ROBOTNIK: I don’t know how you made it passed that door without shutting down that rabbit… but it’s most impressive.
MIGHTY: You won’t be saying that when I kick your face in!
ROBOTNIK: ….Know this, children! Press on any further, and I will cut your lives short! This is your only warning!
And he quickly leaves.
RAY: Well, he sounds pissed!
SONIC: No… he sounds scared! Meaning he’s got nothing left! Lets go guys!
Metallic Madness would also be 3 acts long. Now, completing this zone will give you 3 final bosses. The first being Heavy and Bomb who try to protect Robotnik’s chambers. All they do is run back and forth trying to blow you up. It should be simple. Next up…
ROBOTNIK: Mobius was to be my scepter, and the sun, my crown. This world, laid forth by my ancestors, was mine to claim. And yet… here you stand to stay my hand. As the undisputed ruler, the king of this land.
SONIC: Nice poem! We’ll be sure to include that in your eulogy when we’re done with you!
ROBOTNIK: I have little time for your petty threats.
MIGHTY: Oh naw! A threat is just a scare tactic! You’re too dangerous to threaten!
SONIC: Or keep alive!
ROBOTNIK: So you’ve come to end me? No different than those who murdered my grandfather!
SONIC: We’re passed the point of sympathy! With all the lives you’ve ruined in just a few days, you got all the nerve to think you’re the victim!
ROBOTNIK: Perhaps. But then again, if you’re eager to protect something…. or someone, there is no end to a horrors you’d have to commit to protect them.
SONIC: You don’t say!? Well here’s MY horror!
Sonic tries to Spin attack Robotnik, but he quickly pulls out a robot arm and knocks Sonic back!
SONIC: Ow! What the…
Suddenly, a bunch of mechanical parts start forming around Robotnik (Which is basically E-123 Omega in armor form).
ROBOTNIK: Permit me to demonstrate just what kind of horrors I can commit in a single setting! I know 1000 terrible ways to end life! Why not pick a number!
SONIC: 7! I’m feeling pretty lucky today!
ROBOTNIK: (laughs) I’ll be sure to snatch that remarkable tongue from your jaws!
This fight would be similar to Metal Man and Heat Man from MM2 in that Robotnik jumps around a lot and constantly fires missiles at you, along with napalm bombs that launch fiery geysers. While he’s stand still, he blocks all attacks. You’d have to hit him while he’s attacking you. Easier said than done!
After the fight, Robotnik gets knocked into the control panel.. which overloads his entire station, causing it crumble.
RAY: WHAT’S THAT SHAKING!?
ROBOTNIK: You fools! The control panel has been destroyed! Without it, this lab will grow unstable and collapse into the Volcano!
SONIC: Oh! Time to go then!
MIGHTY: YEAH!
They all manage to escape….
BIG: Hey boys! Don’t forget about me!
but not before finding Big and getting him out of harm’s way. They get out of the lab as it sinks into the magma below.
RAY: Boy, I hope GUN got everyone out on time!
BIG: It’s a shame. He really was a talented individual.
MIGHTY: You’re feeling sorry for that monster!?
BIG: I suppose all he wanted to do in the end…. was to help us all evolve and-
And then some rumbling occurs. Robotnik pulls out the Spider-Boss…. thing from Spinball.
BIG: OH GOD! WHAT IS THAT!?
ROBOTNIK: You wretched vermin! You’ve ruined everything! I used this volcano to produce geothermic energy! It was the cornerstone of Meteo Tech!
MIGHTY: Oh look, he’s gonna cry!
SONIC: The last thing you need is a Volcano under your control!
RAY: It’s over, baby!
ROBOTNIK: So it’s war!? So be it! If I am to perish, I will drag you to the depths of hell with me!
So would begin the final fight. The goal would be to wait for the Spider legs to smash the ground, and then you just smack the legs around for a bit until they’re destroyed one by one. The legs would temporarily smash away the flooring, making a lava pit. And if you touch it, you die instantly (take advantage of dat coop!). After all legs have been severed, the spider starts to hover above the area at a lower level than before. So you’d have to hit it normally, but then the platforms you’re on will randomly start sinking down periodically. I figure bullshit was a tradition of 2D Sonic, and so I shall remain faithful! Oh and the spider has a cannon from the mandible.
After beating him..
TRIO: Way past cool! *Air Guitar!*
ROBOTNIK: *coughs* May the whispers of my name haunt your darkest slumber…. until the day I return to make your nightmares real!
Robotnik and his final machine sink down into the lava below. But, he bangs into the volcano wall… which reveals the red chaos emerald. It tumbles down into his cockpit, and Robotnik, curiously, grabs hold of it before submerging into the moat.
BIG: YEAH! TAKE THAT YOU FAT…
*looks at the others*
BIG: Ahem… yes, well… I’m certainly tired! Is there a way out of this Volcano that doesn’t result in a toasty bath?
TRIO: *laughs*
They all manage to get back to South Island, where GUN dispatches the remainder of Robotnik’s machines. One of their engineers discovers that the Roboticizor can be reverse engineered to change everyone back to normal, including those that were beaten by you. And so… it happens. Everyone is back to normal. In the Starlight District, Vector is dumbfounded that Robotnik was even defeated. And the trio roll in to rub it in.
VECTOR: So… you actually beat him.
SONIC: Yeah. We did.
RAY: IN YOUR FACE!
SONIC: Ray!
MIGHTY: What? It’s not everyday we get to show up ol’ bridge mouth here!
VECTOR: Yeah, I guess so. Oh well. Can’t win em all.
And then Vector walks off. The gang finds Cliff who immediately shows them to Vanilla… who’s also back to normal. And GROUP HUGS!
VANILLA: You boys did good! I’m so proud of you!
MIGHTY: We’re just glad you’re back!
VANILLA: *giggles* Well I certainly know you are!
MIGHTY: I… told you, I wasn’t crying!
SONIC: It’s alright, Mighty! We all have our manly tears at some point! You just have more moments when there’s a thunderstorm around!
MIGHTY: Piss off, Sonic!
And they start rough housing each other again.
RAY: FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!
VANILLA: Boys, stop it!
CLIFF: *Sighs* It’s hard to believe those 3 punks managed to pull through. Oh well. That’s how life goes!
The ending credits would be Sonic, Mighty, and Ray, having another shot at a rockband competition, and them doing a remix of the SatAM theme song. And people actually loving it.
RAY: No free food!? Nuts!
SONIC: Well, we got something better than that!
MIGHTY: Yeah. So when are we gonna get our theme songs?
SONIC: ….uhhhhhhh
After credits would be a scene of the Volcano where Robotnik’s arm would rise out of the lava… with a red glow. There, he’d hold the Red Emerald in his hand… while looking at the audience with finger up to face.
ROBOTNIK: Shhhhhhhh!
Cut to Black.
And… that… is… Neo Sonic 1! I’m surprised I don’t have carpel tunnel writing all this shit! Yes. The game would be pretty dark. And I gives no fucks in that regard. I feel it necessary to distance Sonic from all the other “light-hearted platformers” out there so that, in a way, the games would have a more distinctive feel to it, something you can’t get from Ratchet and Clank, Jak and Daxter, or Sly Cooper. I also wanted Robotnik to be a goddamn threat for a change, instead of the clown he’s been for a decade.
For anyone wondering where Vanilla’s daughter is, I’ll get to that in the future.
Alright, so flooding stops… being an issue for everyone on the surface. The Echidnas, because they exist in the clouds, are far removed from the rest of Mobius. So below, everyone assumed the Echidnas died in the flood.
The aftermath gave birth to new islands. 3 of which being South, Westside, and Flicky Islands. The surviving Babylonians established a new civilization on Flicky Island while the rest of Mobius on South and Westside. Other islands, I haven’t thought of.
Oh yeah, Christmas Island, can’t forget Sonic’s birthplace. 😛
So… for the most part, the Mobians don’t really mess with each other. They keep to themselves, stay out of each other’s ways, and… that’s pretty much it. 😛
4000 years later… and things start to get interesting.
A portal opens up on South Island. And from the confines arose a human hand. It was a curious scientist who came through with a few guards. The man was known as “Julian Robotnik”. None know him, nor his intent. Many of the Mobians avoided contact with them out of fear. Ofcourse, a single Hedgehog was beckoned by curiosity, and met with the scientist. And from there, they conversed for hours.
Julian explaining that he was given the ability to traverse into different dimensions by whom he described as “talking cats”. With that, he took to creating a device that would allow him to cross over to where he pleased, without need of a warp ring, emeralds, or otherwise. And the Hedgehog describing the world in which they live. With their constant bouts of exchanges, they both learned that they could trust each other. The other Mobians lost their fear after a few days, and began conversing with these…. “humans”. During this time, Julian learned that the Mobiun seas was their drinking source… and that it was highly toxic (considering it came from a CORPSE, then yeah. Technically it’s blood.). Even so, most Mobians can survive drinking the water. Julian, having gotten to know the Mobians so well, couldn’t allow them to continue risking their lives trying to live.
Studying the water’s contents, Julian developed a filtration system that blots out the toxic elements of Mobian waters. Thus, there is no risk to the health of the denizens of Mobius. In a few years, the results were great. Mobians weren’t getting sick or dying off young. With that, the Mobians came to respect and revere Julian Robotnik… as though he were a god. Julian, having grown fond of the Mobians, decided it was best to teach them the sciences of his world, and introduced technology to the world of Mobius, an element that would advance Mobian civilizations for decades to come.
The Robotnik family came to be respected in Mobius, having their own living quarters on South Island where Julian’s descendants could continue to use their scientific genius for the betterment of Mobian kind. And… it’s worked out pretty well for generations. Some Mobians even travelled to the human world to live and/or study. A large scale industrial company was started on South Island called “Meteo Tech” dedicated to the advancement of technology on Mobius. Terraforming, water purification, crop production, the works. Meteo Tech even established a military force known as “GUN”, comprised mostly of the Dingos of Westside Island.
Of course, it wouldn’t be long before a member of the Robotnik family bloodline wanted to do more with those resources. 600 years after Julian’s death, Gerald Robotnik, the latest in the lineage, had become fascinated with dimensional travel, far beyond the boundaries of his world, and that of Mobius. And his ambitions would create schisms between his lineage and the Mobians.
Gerald became fascinated with the history of the Hedgehogs, and their unique ability to alter time and space. He had heard tales about a Hedgehog who created a gem that could warp anyone to any point, anywhere, at any time. Gerald went to great trouble to request the Hedgehog’s aid in his research. However… the Hedgehogs were unwilling. For ages, they had always feared their power. Though overtime, they never understood why, but they felt in their bones that they could not ever invest in their own powers. It became a religious practice (resisting the demons within, temptation). Infact, many of them petitioned that Gerald never pursue such research. Because of that, Gerald started investing in a Space Colony. He explained that should Mobius face another catastrophe as the “Perpetual Chaos” ever occur again. Hearing the stories of the Hedgehogs building a boat that would allow all walks of Mobian life to survive the massive floods, he dubbed the Space Colony “Ark”, proposing that it would serve the same purpose. But unlike a boat, the Space Colony would have more appropriate living quarters and environmental sectors tailor made for each individual Mobian species (kinda like BSL from Metroid Fusion). The Ark wouldn’t be completed until Gerald became an old man, of course. When it was finished, his Granddaughter, Maria, would be born.
For a time, Gerald wanted a dimensional rending rod to be built under the ark, as this would be the device to allow him to cross into other dimensions, deciding only to use the current warp ring technology that they already had access to. However…. there wasn’t enough energy output to produce an extra gateway. The Warp Rings could only go between the Human World and Mobius. And because the Hedgehogs were unwilling to help, Gerald’s ambitions came to a halt. So then… remnants of the Babylonians came afloat. Hearing that Gerald is trying to cross into dimensions, they wanted to take advantage. They went up to the Ark and persuaded Gerald to help them recover a lost artifact on Flicky Island. They referred to it as “the Egg of Babylon”. Gerald was, at first, suspicious of them as all the research he had done on Mobius never showed any records of an “Egg”. But, curiosity got the better of him, and he ordered for an expedition into Flicky Island. He took a 14 year old Maria with him, believing the Island to be safe enough. There, Gerald realized that Flicky was the Babylonian’s residence, and he questioned why they would need his help to find something on their island. Simply put, they didn’t have the technology. NEvertheless, they searched and searched for days… and couldn’t find anything…. except tragedy. Maria wasn’t used to the environment and fell ill. Gerald called off the exhibition immediately and got her to Meteo Tech’s medical facilities. The docs there had diagnosed her “Neuro immune deficiency”, a disease that renders it’s victims frail and malnourished. A terminal illness.
He gathered the best doctors from the Human World and searched desperately for a cure. But no one could help. And in his fear, he felt that the Mobians weren’t competent to find a cure. There was nothing on Mobius or in the Human world that could be used to stop the progression of her disease. His only hope now would be to venture into other worlds in the hope that he could find a cure. Being that Mobius could be toxic to her, Gerald kept Maria on the Ark with all the medical attention she needed. Now, the Babylonians thought to use this to drive Gerald in helping them find the Egg, but Gerald had other…. darker…. intentions. He needed the Hedgehogs. Without them, Maria is dead.
He didn’t ask for their assistance, but instead, he began kidnapping them with the Babylonian’s assistance. Gerald tried to force the Hedgehogs into helping him build his dimensional generator, begging them for the sake of his granddaughter. But…. the Hedgehogs still wouldn’t help him. They honored their ancestors too much not to suppress their power.
And that… is when Gerald went mad. If he couldn’t get the Hedgehogs to help him, he would make his own. For 7 months, he starts kidnapping and killing the Hedgehogs that he had in captivity, and harvested their DNA to create a new being. A blackened Hedgehog with Red Streaks on it’s spines. He made this creature with explicit power of manipulating time and space at will. Even the Babylonians were amazed…. and slightly terrified. However… at first, he was like a child, unable to think for himself, yet still very intelligent. Gerald wasn’t fit to care, and treated the creature as a tool. He was forced to undergo training with his powers… and unfortunately, it’s abilities were strongly limited. It could only warp in short distances, and since it was only born recently, it got dizzy real fast. Gerald figured it was a failure and wanted it dead immediately so he could move on to the next one. But, the Babylonians convinced him that he could still be of use. The creature could feel chaos energy anywhere it emanated from. And that could be their ticket to finding their “Egg”.
Before that could happen, the creature was told by Gerald that his mission is to save Maria, and that it can’t do so until it masters it’s own powers. And Gerald puts the guy through hell until he could learn to do so! All these rigirous training exercises through harsh environments, combat training to help him focus his power, and so much worse. Maria looked at what Gerald was doing and thought he was being too harsh. So for the times when the creature wasn’t put through the ringer, she would try to befriend him. It took a while as it knew nothing but harsh training, so the fact that someone would show him kindness was something he had never known. Needless to say, he enjoyed the company. For the next few months, the 2 grew close, and the being learned to hold a conversation with someone else. He was only ever told that he needed to save this girl, but never felt any real motivation to do so… until only a few months after his first conversation.
The birds take the creature to South Island in the hopes that they’ll find it. And low and behold, the creature senses it somewhere in the Marble Zone. With it’s training, the creature manages to dive deep into the ruins and bypass the volcanic traps that lie within. The Marble Zone had been constructed as a holy land in ancient times by the Hedgehogs to honor those that defeated the Gaians. And those who built them installed traps to keep out grave robbers. A little… disproportionate, maybe. But nevertheless, the creature finds this “Egg of Babylon”… which was nothing but a strange blue block (idk what that Cosmic Cube shit was that Jet had in Riders 1). But, there was something within that cube that resembled chaos energy. And that was good enough for him and the birds.
They leave the ruins, but are then confronted by the Hedgehogs who believed they committed blasphemy by foraging on sacred ground. But then… they fixated on the creature, and started panicking. They threw all sorts of labels onto him. They called him “The Devil of Doom/A blight on Hedgehogs/A Shadow cast on the world”. They believed this “Shadow” would destroy the planet, and then ran off. The birds thought it was a nice little nickname, and referred to the creature as “Shadow”.
Back on the Ark, Gerald celebrates as the Egg of Babylon was finally found. The Babylonians rejoiced as well as they had their ticket to their homeworld. They immediately began experimenting with it. Shadow was forced to use his powers while drawing energy from the egg… and his powers were greatly enhanced. He literally created a gateway out of thin air… but it led to a land of demons (that… course in Riders 1 that flipped between heaven and hell, I can’t remember the name). Not the most ideal place, but it was good enough as a demonstration! Shadow, however, was concerned with how the other Hedgehogs reacted to him. And Gerald didn’t care to give him answers. Maria, however, thought it was because Shadow was created rather than being born, and that perhaps the Hedgehogs feared him. And this was something he never knew before! All he knew was that he was on a mission, and had to endure harsh training to get to where he needed to be. He was still amazed that he created a gateway!
And then he wanted to know how he was created. And even Maria never knew. Shadow pegged Gerald for answers… but he only gave a vague explanation that “when it comes to those you love, sacrifices have to be made.” Later, Maria eavesdropped on Gerald who was talking with one of the Babylonians discussed that Shadow’s dimensional abilities are severly limited, and that Maria only has a year left to live. He needs that Generator to be working ASAP, and decides that he wants to use Shadow and the Egg as the Power Sources. But the Babylonians tell him that Shadow’s powers are unstable, so if combined with the Dimensional Generator, he and the Egg would both be destroyed! And Gerald is like “hell with it! I’m not losing Maria! I can make more Shadows if need be!”
Maria then tries to convince Shadow to escape, but he refuses, saying her safety is his one and only priority. Maria is, afterall, the only person who understands him, and treats him like a living being rather than a tool. Even though Maria told him what Gerald planned to do to him, if it meant Maria gets to live, so be it.
As for the Babylonians, they got fed up with Gerald’s madness. They weren’t about to lose both the Egg AND Shadow. So they conspired against him. They leaked Gerald’s plans to both the Hedgehogs and GUN, and that was all they needed to storm the Ark.
You can guess what happens here! Maria is killed in the skirmish, and Shadow starts murdering GUN soldiers left and right. However, he was finally taken down by another hedgehog who managed to trap him inside a bubble of compressed space. He is captured while Gerald is killed. In his last breaths, he makes a final recording.
“All of you ungrateful Mobians who took everything from me will feel my loss and despair!”
Gerald had suspected that he would be betrayed at some point, and set up a few contingencies for the traitors. However, GUN took control of the Ark before he could activate them, and he dies anyway. As for the Babylonians, they found out that GUN took Shadow captive, and the Egg of Babylon! So in either case, they lost the 2 things they needed most. After this incident, the GUN Military separated from Meteo Tech and established a new headquarters on Westside Island, becoming a military for Mobius in general rather than being an arm of the Robotnik family. As such, Gerald’s crimes became a stain on the Robotnik name, and any further descendants would be limited in what they could do in Mobius.
So… in 35 years, Stolen, the then leader of the Babylonians, planned on getting both the Egg and Shadow back, which led to several deadly skirmishes which came to be known as “The Babylon Wars”, where the so-called “Battle Bird Army” led several invasion attempts on Westside Island. The GUN military kept beating their asses until they personally went and invaded Flicky Island to crush their army. Stolen was killed by GUN’s best “Sniper”, but not without taking his eye.
The Babylon Wars had spread off into other islands. Despite having ended a days earlier, one of the more unfortunate places to be hit was Christmas Island, a place that the Hedgehogs migrated to en masse due to South Island having been turned into a deadly battlefield. On an escape ship that was under siege by Babylonians, a Hedgehog couple had their newborn baby on board. And to save it, they sent the child out to sea in a basket (all escape boats were captured). The fate of the parents is unknown.
That basket drifted all the way to South Island, and was discovered by a young rabbit named “Vanilla” who ran an orphanage in the Green Hills. She opens up the basket to find an infant Blue Hedgehog that was starving.
The Planet will be fucking Mobius. Just so everything makes sense in context. This might also spoil future entries but fuck it. These are all hypotheticals anyway.
Lets kick it off 4k years into the past. Most of Mobius is nothing but dry land with little water content. The only life that is on it happen to be pretty savage animals. Lets say the little shadowy bastards from Sonic Unleashed. What little civilizations existed lived in fear of the… you know what? I’ll just call them “Gaians” You know, like “Gaia”, Dark Gaia…. eh, you know. Those early civilizations being limited to Hedgehogs, Echidnas, and Felines. Out of them all, only the Echidnas were proactive in trying to slay the Gaians. Echidnas had these mystical powers known as “Elemancy” (Or… “element…. bending“) that allowed them to manipulate their environment. Their most notable ability being to manipulate air pressure that allows them to glide. This single trait gave them the nickname of “Angels”. And the land in which the Echidnas lived was referred to as “Angel Island”.
The Echidnas, as I said earlier, wanted to do away with the Gaians, so they spent many of their years forging weapons and techniques that would allow them to do battle with them. They also taught the Hedgehogs and the Felines to fight along with them. And so, the “Gaian Wars” began. Despite their best efforts, the 3 species couldn’t make a dent in the Gaian’s numbers, and it was largely because the planet itself was their lifeblood. And without potentially destroying the planet, they had no chance of winning.
It wasn’t until one of the Echidnas discovered the real source of the Gaian’s lifeblood actually came from 7 particular gems. At the time, they were referred to as the “Stones of Gaia”. But never the less, the Echidnas gathered with the Hedgehogs and the Felines once again in an effort to go underground and find the stones.
However, when they did, a dark spirit usually arose from them (The Zeti), with the exception of 1 stone. They had to defeat them to suppress their power within the stones, and gather them up. After doing so, they studied them carefully. Each of these Stones had their own properties. And I had them loosely based off Kundalini shit.
RED: Survival. Basically, you’re invincible. As long as you have this baby, nothing can harm you.
ORANGE: Multiplicity. As it says on tin, you can create copies of yourself or other people/objects.
YELLOW: Power. All it really does is throw shockwaves at people. It’s also a decent battery.
GREEN: Heart. It’s mind control.
BLUE: Creation. Allows one to create anything they wish, from buildings to beings.
INDIGO: Psychic. Mind reading, and premonitions.
PURPLE: Soul. Well… Soul harvesting, and possession.
And no, this isn’t based on the goddamn Infinity Gems. It came from AOSTH.
Amazingly, these were all traits that were displayed by the Gaians, and it explained why they couldn’t die so easily.
But then, they discovered something more. When all 7 Stones were gathered, it produced a new, additional effect. Their own thoughts were being changed into power. When one thought of rain for crops, it would happen. Wanted someone dead, enjoy their funeral.
And with their one track minds, they had the thought of exterminating the Gaians. So they did. With one, unified thought, they caused the genocide of the Gaians without a war with losses.
Now that the Gaian threat was over, it was time to discuss what to do with the Stones. First, the Hedgehogs used them to create the Warp Rings so that they wouldn’t have to spend so much time or resources traversing the entire planet. Echidnas experimented in making objects float, and the felines looked into inter-dimensional travel.
Their experiments, however, led to a lot of casualties, and some of them were mutated (A hedgehog was turned into a Werehog, for one. Others gained super speed, etc.) It was getting to a point that began to fear the stones. The Hedgehogs and Echidnas wanted to ensure that no one tries to use them ever again so that no horrible catastrophes ever happen, but the Felines had other ideas. They wanted to use the Stones to gain different powers and create a hierarchy where they were dominant over other Mobians. They used the Stones to create their own variants should the Echidnas and Hedgehogs band together to stop them. However, the Echidnas already had a contingency for them. They used the Stones earlier to create a “Jade King Stone” which would allow them to control the stones no matter where they are on Mobius. They could hinder their powers or enhance them at will.
When the Felines tried to use the Stones to force the Echidnas into servitude, they used the Jade King Stone to prevent them from utilizing them at all. Furious, they declared war on the Echidnas, but the Hedgehogs used their specialized warp rings to seal the Felines (or a good bulk of them) into another dimension.
Realizing how dangerous the Stones really were, the Echidnas put a safe guard in place. They constructed an alter deep within a forest where the 7 Stones and Jade King Stone would rest. Then, they created a “water guardian” to keep watch over the Stones. The Hedgehogs, however, became wary of the Echidnas and wanted nothing to do with them should they caught up in another war. So they split from them to another part of Mobius. It was around this time that the Hedgehogs discovered their mutations were granting them the ability to manipulate time and space. But they tried to keep this under wraps so as to not get on the Echidnas radars.
As for the Echidnas, they diligently watched over the Stones to ensure that no one tries to use them ever again. Those that were born with a crescent crest on their chests were designated as “Guardians” of the stones.
A few generations later, however, would test their diligence. The Echidnas were still obsessed with the concept of levitation. They wanted to make landmasses and other items rise up into the air. And ironically, the only way to do that was through the Stones. But the Guardians (including ol’ water boy) were serious about not letting anyone use them. They tried to keep the Echidnas in check. However….
They received a little visit from the heavens. Or rather…. the cosmos.
A ship crash lands somewhere near the Echidnas land, and when they go to find them, they see their large spacecraft in ruin. the beings who come out happen to be the “Babylonians“, space birds hailing from a different planet. At first, the Babylonians are distressed and worried that they might die on the planet. Their communications with their homeworld are shot, and the power-cells they had were dead. So… almost all hope was lost. But here comes the Echidnas! They were curious about their spaceship before ever thinking about who they were, or if they could trust them. The Babylonians didn’t try anything funny as they had never encountered these beings before. So they told em “yeah, our ship is busted… if that wasn’t obvious before!” Out of pity, the Echidnas provided them with limited shelter and food. They also agreed to help them repair their ship on the condition that they teach them how to levitate mere objects, as they’ve never seen a space ship. So… the partnership begins peacefully enough.
They repair the ship, and try to repair the power cells, but to no avail. The ship can only run on these unique power cells which are only constructed on their planet. So… without access to their planet, they had no way of getting to their planet. So then, the Echidnas tried to use the Warp Rings, but without the Hedgehogs, they had no way of using them properly, lest they want more casualties.
So, for the time being, the Babylonians had to live on Mobius for a while. But they kept thinking that if they did not get off world, they would eventually die off. It’s at this time that they discovered the Echidna’s alter, where the Stones rested. And for some strange reason, they kept referring to them as “Emeralds” even though only one of them was green. And the Echidnas, not wanting them to ever think about using them, said that the “Emeralds” merely represented their Gods. The God of Survival, Goddess of Fertility, God of War, Goddess of Love, God of Creation, God of Intellect, and the God of the Dead.
“But what about the Big Emerald?”
It would represent their Supreme God. One that rules over and ordains the other Gods.
Needless to say, the Babylonians weren’t buying it. Many of them took an interest in researching other cultures, and the Echidnas were no different. They found no evidence that the Echidnas ever had a practice of theology. Furthermore, they had energy meters which revealed that the Emeralds had these high energy readings. If they redid their ship’s energy system, they could use the Emeralds to get off world. They weren’t too happy about the deception, but they tried to be civil about it.
The politely requested that they use at least one Emerald as a power source for their ship. And before anyone could say “but the Gods!”, they revealed that they were nothing but lies. But hey, they get it! The Echidnas wouldn’t want them to fall into the wrong hands. But… they didn’t need ALL of the Emeralds! They could do without one of them! All the Babylonians want is to get offworld. They would have no intention of coming back. The Echidnas considered it, but they still wanted to learn how to make things float (without using the Emeralds), though the Babylonians suggest that there is nothing else on Mobius that could grant them their wish except the Emeralds. There is no other way than to utilize the Emeralds. So they agreed to part with one of them.
However…. the Guardians refused. They were serious about not letting anyone use them! Not even their own! So… the Babylonians sulked and went back to their ship, got impatient and went back to the alter, telling the Guardians that they’re holding back their own civilization due to some ignorant moral restrictions. How do they expect to evolve if they live in fear of a gold mine? Well, the Guardians still told them to piss off, and the Babylonians tried to take them by force. Needless to say, those birds got the asswhoopin of their lives. Due to their attempted theft, the Echidnas had them banished from their land. As well, they used their Earth bending to construct a cavern around the alter to ensure they couldn’t enter so easily.
Now the Babylonians were pissed AND desperate.
With no means of securing a power source for their ship, which to them is still only the Emeralds. However, they never gave up. They remembered the Warp Rings and wanted to use those to get inside the alter. So they went to find the Hedgehogs as they’re the only ones who could operate them. Of course, even THEY told them to piss off. The Hedgehogs were afraid of their own collective powers, and refused to use them for a nefarious purpose.
Except for one. This one Hedgehog actually had resentment toward the Echidnas and his own hedgehogs for their “misdeed” against the Feline race. He would help help the Babylonians screw them both. By using his own DNA (blood), he constructed his own Emerald that, without the need of a Warp Ring, could allow them to essentially teleport effortlessly throughout the world. But…. it wasn’t quite finished as it couldn’t traverse dimensions. But the Babylonians didn’t care. That was all they needed to get into the Alter. So, with the Hedgehog in tow, the Babylonians get into the Echidnas Alter, and instead of just taking one Emerald, they jacked… ALL the jewels… except the Jade King Stone…. cause it’s heavy shit to carry. The Guardians never caught them in time before the Babylonians warped out. When they find all the Emeralds were gone, the Echidnas start losing their shit. And they find a few feathers.
The Babylonians get to work in building a new warp drive for their ship with the Emeralds in tow. And with that special Emerald in their possession, they could never be found. The Echidnas grew desperate. Though they still have the Jade King Stone, without a fix on the Emerald’s location, they can’t neutralize them. But they know they can’t let those Emeralds get off world. Otherwise, they could wind up in anyone’s hands. So… they make a desperate… and horrible plan. They use their water guardian…. to temporarily flood Mobius. They discuss with the Hedgehogs on the plan, and they agree to build… well…. an “Ark”! Now… the idea was for the flood to last a day or 2.
So what happens? Well, water boy does his job, the Hedgehogs gather up every other group on Mobius sans the Babylonians, and the planet goes through it’s flood. Now… the majority of the birds are drowned, with a few survivors… but the water guardian came into contact with the Emeralds. What results is that the guardian itself goes on a merciless rampage that lasted for decades. Raging waters, hurricanes, water spouts…. it was unending Chaos. The Echidnas had no idea what to do about their guardian. So… they used the Jade King Stone to levitate their land high above the heavens. They knew not what happened to the denizens below, but there was nothing they could do.
As the ages went on, the watery guardian grew tired… until it nearly ceased to exist. The Echidnas, and the surviving species on the surface referred to these times as “Perpetual Chaos”. And the Echidnas began to refer to the Emeralds as “Chaos Emeralds” Though they believed everyone on the surface had perished, they depicted murals of the event as a warning to any who would dare seek the Emeralds.
Well, at least they got water to drink! 😛 Damn, this went on a bit longer than I had planned. I’ll continue it in another post.
Well, seeing as TSR is already out, I might as well get back on this idea, at least before Iizuka fucks up the timeline again. I’m not sure if I’ll even check out the game. 2019 isn’t such a good year for new releases, what with me getting burned by WWZ and RE2, and hearing just how fucked up MK11 is
I posted an idea like this years ago when asked about how I would reboot the Sonic series, and it was a shoddy video file that was hardly legible, and personally, I can type better than I talk if I’m being perfectly honest. I know some of you were wondering “When the hell is he gonna do shit for Sonic in this case!? He’s so busy suckin off Mega Man X” heh…
Well, lets see if I can remember all the details.
General gameplay, as I’ve said before, will be something more akin to an action game rather than a game focused on faithful physics. Some of you posted about a game called “spark jester” when I described this game being more combat focused, and I guess that’s a decent comparison. Though I was thinking more along the lines of Rayman Legends or even Freedom Planet as those games have similar combat systems. And I thought Sonic Advance would have something similar since Knuckles, Tails, and Amy could all use melee attacks, but 2 and 3 went with automation and team gimmicks.
The idea I would want is to have a game that is fast paced and has combat mechanics that doesn’t stop you from moving fast. I’d want a system where the players can deal with enemies any way they want, and not break the fast pacing. Like, you can deal with enemies, but if you want to go fast or escape them without feeling like you’re slowing down, you can do that. How do I explain this? Think back to Sonic Heroes, how combat works in that game. You might be running through an area, and then you have to… “take a break” from speeding just to deal with enemies in order to get passed a wall. Once you do, you have this pitiful crawl to regain speed unless you do a Rocket Accel or hit a speeder. And you can only go fast when using the Speed character who isn’t suited for combat. Yeah, that’s what I want to avoid like the plague.
Enemies would be bountiful, but fighting them won’t break the pace. Yeah, having to jump around and hit them, then spindash onward is ok, but again, you have to slow down and focus on attacking the enemies which, again, breaks the pace. I guess it’s hard to explain as I’ve never played a game where combat didn’t break the game’s pace outside of run and gun games, at least on the scale of Sonic games. Think back to how Sonic Rush did things. You attack an enemy, and then you can immediately boost back on the road? Something more akin to that without the stiff controls.
Now, in the case of the first game, you’d have Sonic, Mighty, and Ray as the playable characters. With this particular combat system, Sonic would have the same neutral attack that he does in Sonic Battle. You know, 1 punch, 2 kicks? That’s if you’re standing still or going at a slow speed. Character’s attacks would change depending on how fast you were running. If you were at mid or full speed (where you see Sonic’s feet looking like a circle), then he’d have his little “spin kicks” from Sonic Advance 2 where, if you hit a ramp or a spring, you’d hit the R button to do a little stunt? That shit would be his “running” attack. In the air, it would be just a flurry of kicks. Think Fox in Smash Bros where, if you jump, press forward and attack, he would just be kicking shit? That would be Sonic’s aerial attack. Ofcourse, pressing down and attack would be his “stomp”.
Mighty is harder to describe. He’d have less melee options and is more about running into enemies. Neutral would be 2 punches followed by a somersault that would kick enemies into the air. Mid Speed attack would be an advancing somersault where Mighty goes airborne, and that can be followed up by his aerial which is a dive kick. Also, running at mid or full speed has Mighty tilting his head down so he can ram through enemies with this shell, so he wouldn’t even need to do his somersault. As well, crouching would make him immune to projectiles. He can also take one hit from spikes during a jump as he does in Mania.
Ray would be the only character who can’t do a spin attack, and also wouldn’t have any melee attacks, but instead he would have the ability to shoot solar rays from his hands in multiple directions (I’ll explain that in another post), as well as double jump. His “flight” from Mania would be done with a double tap while in the air (I can already hear the “BAD IDEA” screams). He’s the “easy mode” guy.
As I’ve probably mentioned before, the game would have a sort of… “dashing” mechanic, where if you double tap left or right, you could do a short boost that gets you up to mid speed, but is not a continuous boost. It wouldn’t be to supplement speed but rather act as an evasive maneuver in combat, as well as allow you to get back up to speed from dealing with enemies. It… kinda makes Mighty broken now that I think about it. 😛
The Barriers in the series, I’d want to act as more than just a 1-hit protection. Playing through Mania, it’s actually pretty sad that Sonic is the only character who’s abilities are enhanced thanks to barriers, but that’s understandable. You’d have to give people an incentive to play as Sonic since everyone else has superior abilities to him. Still… yah know? So, that’s where the whole “combat system” comes in as the barriers would produce additional effects for character’s attacks. Fire Barrier would, for example, give Sonic’s mid speed attack a “fire whip” effect…. like… Sonic is spinning around, and his foot would produce a long flame with greater reach. Or give Mighty a somersaulting projectile at the end of his neutral attack, or give his mid speed somersault an eruption. Or change Ray’s lasers into a 3-way spread shot that burns enemies. Or the magnet barrier giving Sonic’s spin kick a magnetic pull that draws in enemies for cheap kills, or gives Ray a long, continuous plasma laser that can also draw in rings from afar, like a vacuum. Bubble Barrier…. I honestly got nothing. 😛 Maybe for Ray, he instead gets orbs that surround him like certain Sonic Bosses, and can shoot parts of them toward enemies to trap them in bubbles, but as far as Sonic and Mighty, idk. But the general idea is to incentivise Barriers beyond mere protection.
And that’s the most I would have. I wouldn’t want it anymore complex than that. Additional characters, I will go into detail on in future postings.
Now…. I saw this shit at a store earlier, and I was like “what!?” When the hell did this happen!? Isn’t Nintendo Labo gimmicky enough!? It took me by surprise seeing Nintendo trying to get into the VR game, but why attach it to cardboard? Do you really want an itchy face after trying to get this shit to stay on properly?
You know what? This is… actually pretty sad. Nintendo, the so-called most innovative game developer on Earth, jumps on the bandwagon of VR, and I guess out of some petty attempt to salvage their cardboard, they attach it to Labo to get some extra mileage out of it. I know there was a reason I have just… lost all interest in Nintendo, I haven’t kept up with news, events, or anything else they might’ve been doing. And here it is.
You know what Nintendo should probably do? Hire the guys who made Doom 4 and get them to make Metroid Prime 4. And put THAT shit on VR. Dem kits would sell like wildfire!
Conflicting Views 