Category: Adventure games


Man, I’ve been through all 5 stages with this PSO2 situation. From the onset of it’s delay:

1: Denial.

Pff, it’s probably nothing! We all know Sega’s kinda retarded these days, they probably forgot that this is the season for the release date, yah know? Hahah! We’ll get it soon enough! ….. any time now.

2: Anger

Come on Sega what the FUUUCK! SHIT! I’ve been waiting for a sequel to this bitch for eons! EONS BITCH!! COME… THE FUCK…. ON ALREADY!!! STUPID… FUCKING… COMPANY… STUPID… FUCKING… RACIST ASSHATS!! I WANNA BITE SOMEONE IN THE FACE!! I’m gonna tea bag the SHIT out of Haijime’s pedo mustache, piece of shit billionare with his piece of shit Pachinko business! FUCK YOU! FUCK YOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!

3: Bargaining.

Sega… if I have to… I swear I’ll buy the Pii U and totally gonna buy both versions of Lost Mind… and.. and maybe I’ll throw in Aliens: Colonal Marines! Yeah! And I swear to never make fun of the people that cried over not getting Fatal Frame for the Wii. I understand now the pain of not getting a game localized. Hehe, yeah, that’s… that’s all you wanted to show me… right? Right!?

4: Depression

OH AMMA WHYYYYYYYYYYY! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAH!!! I JUST WANT PSO2 WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

5: Acceptance

…….You know what? I don’t even need PSO2. I already have 3 Phantasy Star games, all of which happen to be total grind fests, and I’m still dealing with Presequel which is an even bigger grind fest, I’m… I’m cool with it. You know, those Asian territories probably need it more than I do, what with all them typhoons tearin they asses up, something that… eases the pain is what the doctor ordered! Besides, everyone’s talking all this good shit about Destiny being like… like some westernized version of PSO2 without all the retarded Japanese waifu simulator business going around…. yeah! Space Explorer cock fest! HERE I COME!

…….Yeah, I’m desperate. Since Gearbox is turning Presequel to shit, I’m hearing all this stuff about how Bungie is actually IMPROVING their game instead of taking a massive dump on it like Punkford and his crew. Initially I ignored the game due to how samey it looks to other space marine shooters (and that 20 gig space requirement gooooooooooddamn!) along with how it’s a victim of overhype (IE everyone hates it despite pumping it up like it was gonna be bigger than it is) idk. But there’s literally no chance of PSO2 coming stateside…. and I kinda need my Space Explorer fix. Not Space Marine fix, there is a difference.

……Is…..Destiny…..worth… a damn? And why 20 mother fucking gigs?

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Yah damn skippy it do!

I just watched a few episodes of Sonic Boom and all of the cutscenes for the game, a few instances of omega glitches and… I just got one question.

Episode 4 where Sticks (Marine) is given a lecture on how to treat animals. Idk about you mother fuckers… but… Sticks… IS… an animal. Right? Why do they give a fuck!? It’s as though the writers forgot the fact that these bitches have long wagging dicks sticking out from their butts that pretty much indicate that… yeah, they’s be some animals.

Through out all of this nonsense, I kept asking myself… when does the stupidity ever end? I feel like I’ve had a near-death experience just merely watching crap. No wait, I did die. The 7 year old in me died. Not only that, but these “productions” dug my 7 year old up and pissed all over him, then double donged the corpse. I don’t think even the guys from Sonic Dissected can decipher just what in the fresh fuck was going on in these gigs.

Sonic Boom is like Iron Man 2. A soulless production that is on rails. No rhyme, rhythm, or reason. Reason being the key word here as you will be left demanding one for everything wrong with this game.

-Why the random design changes? (as always)
-Why the overuse of bad comedy relief at every… single… opportunity?
-Why was Shadow even in this game?
–And why is he opposed to the concept of “friendship” all of a sudden? Must’ve seen one too many Animes.
-Why does Amy’s man jaw look like a swollen cunt?
-Why does Sticks even matter in this series?
-Why the College Art Project level of crappy animation?
Why does Knuckles not know his left from his right!?
-Why is Lyric called Lyric? He doesn’t even sing. 😛
-Why does a crappy, buggy, and clearly unfinished video game tie-in have much better quality compared to a cartoon!?
-Why does it feel like the characters have no real personality?
-Why does it seem like all the fucking hype put forward by BRB and Sega was hot air? Every… last… word I might add.

Well…. shit, I don’t know

Whatever the case, the honeymoon is over and the fans got the taste smacked out of their mouths once again by the reality of the franchise’s state. These are the kinds of games that make many of us feel old in how people can even bother putting up a defense for trash. Even though I see no one defending the games besides Sega’s shills. They always provide shitty arguments. It would take a herculean effort to find any meaningful potential in this game.

I mean look at this shit. A Ratchet character, Sega’s rendition of Nurse Joy, and a cowboy that doesn’t do shit in the game (true story).

It’s making me cry! What potential could be derived from this drek of a toon? There’s literally nothing here. Even just to rant about, I don’t feel it’s even warranted. It speaks for itself. My interest in Sonic Boom was literally non-existent for a long time because there was literally nothing special beyond the PR/Shill hype. I mean hell, I’ve been proven wrong on the show even having any kind of chance, that shit’s ratings are in the crapper.

Going through the scenes, it feels as though the game has no sense of cohesion or enough exposition to explain many of the nuiances of the game. Sure you don’t need to explain everything, but when you get to a point where the main villain can pull shit out of his ass (like being able to use ancient technology to control a modern day robot like Metal Sonic without any upgrades or prior knowledge of Robotnik’s own weapons), tis the time to go right the fuck back to the drawing board. It’s bad enough that the characters try so hard to be funny at every single opportunity, but it’s even worse when characters are over-exaggerated and/or have zero personality whatsoever. IE Knuckles and Shadow being the exaggeration, and Sonic, Tails, and Amy having no personality. To make matters worse, characters will randomly use slang terminology with no comedic set ups (seriously, what the fuck does “SPIT-BALLIN” mean… and why is it used 1000 years IN THE PAST!?). These people know fuck all about comedic timing.

For comedy to work properly, there has to be a certain level of shock value and consistent relevance to the character’s personalities involved with the comedic situation at hand. It has to be smart and clever. Comedy gold requires intelligent use of situations. You know how some people can come up with some wild comments for some given situations like a bank robbery or a fight in a store? That’s how the writers should be thinking!

For example, take Jak 2 where at the beginning of the game, Jak and Daxter escape from a high level KG facility after nearly being killed by gun and cannon fire. Daxter’s choice of words?

Daxter: UGH! That’s too much excitement! I wish we were back in the country!

…Well that was funny to me. Or how about the scene in which Daxter (after facing misfortune of having a pipe stuck on his head after attempting to show off his strength) decides to let Jak pull a stiff lever. What happens is that Daxter still gets something dropped on him.

Daxter: “It’s a curse, isn’t it!?”

Or a better example, from Ice Age 2, you have a pack of vultures singing a song “FOOD! GLORIOUS FOOD!” talking about eating the main characters. But… the sloth or whoever gets the song stuck in his head and starts fucking singing it. “What? It’s catchy!”

THAT SHIT IS ACTUALLY FUNNY! Ok?! I don’t know who the hell the writers were but they have to be the most dull and lifeless mother fuckers to have ever walked this earth. The very first scene that they try to be funny in involves Knuckles not knowing the difference between left and right. Not only is this insulting to fans of the character pre-2003, it’s also not fucking funny or clever. You can’t do comedy without the right level of cleverness and creativity. It makes the writers out to be a bunch of dumb fuck shut-ins who haven’t taken a nice trip outside to get a breath of fresh air. Their brains could use a little oxygen for Amma’s sake. Otherwise, you wouldn’t be able to write for shit! Which pretty much explains the rampant idiocy of the plot. Why exactly is Shadow fighting Sonic in the first place? How the fuck can Lyric take control of Metal Sonic using outdated tech!? Why is it that Tails couldn’t prevent that stupid enerbeam to NOT revert back into a binding ring!? Infact, since the Enerbeams technically have “manual controls”, how is it that Lyric can still control them while not being able to do shit about Robotnik’s giant ugly suit!? Why do they try so hard to make Knuckles retarded beyond my wildest nightmares!? Who the hell is Cliff and what does he do that is any bit useful for the game?

I don’t even need to go over everything that’s wrong with the game. Everyone called it, and someone already saved me the trouble. This mother fucker deserves a medal and a lap dance from Nisha the Lawbringer. What really needs to be addressed is the amount of damage this further incurs on the franchise. This being “The year of Sonic” ends in a spectacular disaster to no one’s surprise. All people can really do is question just what is going on, and hope that some Capcom level of financial trouble bites them in the ass soon. All this corporation is doing is pissing on the grave. There is only so many times you can end the life of a once-beloved video game character before people ask “when will it die”? You know a series should end when more people are demanding it. If that’s Sega’s way of killing off the series by deliberately making people HATE it with extreme prejudice, then man, they’s be some vicious mother fuckers.

Tales of the Borderlands should’ve just been a bunch of actual movies, not some episodic downloads of interactive movies. And I’m getting just fucking tired of Handsome Jack. If the rest of the Borderlands series is going to be about him, count me out.

I can’t imagine a more tasteless admission of defeat. Now all Sega needs to do is get rid of Mike Bollocks and we can have Robotnik being awesome again…. I think.

To hear that Boom has technical errors worse than 06 is surprising considering how well Sega’s been doing polishing their turds to fool people into thinking their games are worth anyone’s time. And Goddamn, you know a product is ass when a chunk of assholes don’t even stick around to finish it. It feels like Sega’s big merchandising plan is collapsing before retailers can get a single toy out of the deal. Namco got lucky. Hearing all the reasons for this massive turnover will be more epic than Sonic X-Treme’s development. Hell, even Sega knew the game was shit. If you have to stoop so low as to revoke what is essentially the right of free press to review your product… to avoid tarnishing your company’s image anymore than you already have, I don’t know what to say. Wait, yes I do. Congrats Sega, you’ve evolved from Dreamcast to Comcast!

So much for the fanboy’s BS on Ex-Naughty Dog folks being any good for Sonic. I would go far to say anyone who thinks the people behind Jak and Daxter have talent probably have no taste whatsoever, but that would be arrogant and I’m sure the amount of retorts would contain the words “Last of Us” because the people behind that game would totes be caught dead on a project like this. Would you trust Sonic in the hands of people that wanted to turn Robotnik some school boy nerd!?

Piss in me eye! Why are these even concepts for Robotnik in the first place!?

These are not the kind of people you would trust with anything resembling your childhood. I wouldn’t trust them with Bay’s rendition of the Ninja Turtles. Hollywood seems to be the only slaughterhouse that can get away with radically changing the appearance of iconic characters, and have no one bat an eye. This leads me to believe that in some dark part of the game industry’s psyche, they want to be more like Hollywood so they can make trash and do as they damn well please. I think games having such steep prices jolts a good dose of high standards in consumers that we haven’t reached a point where we sit back and allow some random jackass’s “vision” to get in the way of our entertainment.

But this is worse than I thought.

For a development team to up and say “fuck it” 6 months in advance and quit the project says a lot. They probably didn’t want their names to be tarnished just in case they get the opportunity to work on something they think is worth their time. Or something! Kinda creepy this happens right when I lose internet access…

So, it’s been proven that BRB and Nintendo are both unreliable in making a Sonic game, and Sega is yet again fixated on making money to notice. If western developers basically show no interest in developing a Sonic game, it shows how far the series has fallen. Many western devs still hold Mario games (even the shitty 3D ones) in their highest regards, but I bet no one wants to even mention Sonic in any of it’s incarnations. If we can’t rely on Nintendo or a Western developer to make a good Sonic game, then who can!? Don’t say the fan projects. Yes, they’re sexy and Freedom Planet looks damned delicious, but I’m talking people who are actually involved in the industry. All the talented people in the industry show no desire in Sonic to care about it’s quality. You will get more feedback about a Zelda game’s lacking quality than that of Sonic. The younger teams (like Ninja Theory and the like) seem to be a bunch of college idiots with all these wild visions of particular franchises that don’t at all seem to be particularly concerned with meeting or exceeding expectations. So we can’t rely on new blood either.

To drive that point further, the store I work at has a high turnover rate of employees, so I get to see lots of fresh faces in as little as a month. One particular coworker is a poor shmuck shackled with student debt. He’s also a nerd with poor diction. Breathtaking, isn’t it? Anywho, he’s one of the yahoos that’s an aspiring game developer who hasn’t had any time to work on his pet projects due to trying to pay off his debt. It’s hard not to feel sorry for the guy because it seems like he’s not going to ever get that dream job of his, and even if he does, it’s gonna beat his ass in the long haul. Even then, like most nerds, he argues about the potential of Boom being a good game regardless of all the issues presented. And this was before the game was released.

Of particular note, he felt that fans of the series were problematic and difficult to please, being as fans can be “picky” or overly demanding, and could cause the erosion of a particular series. At one point, he cited Dragon Ball as an example. The series kept continuing on into the Dreaded Cell and Buu sagas because fans wanted more when the series was supposed to end with Frieza. While I could sympathize considering I hated everything Cell Saga and up, blaming it on the fans is a red harring. Significant demand requires sufficient talent to meet the demand. If you’re not up to the task of meeting demand, pass the torch to someone who can and will.

Because of that situation, it’s probably best to never plan on an official “ending” to any series you make. You just might be forced to create more and more. Miyamoto never wanted to make another 2D Mario after World and was quoted as “making every game as if it were your last” in some dire hope of not having to be bothered again.

People are always gonna be passionate about a series they have a planned vision for, not when they’re simply told to make more and more crap for it. The quality will take a noticeable dip, but nah. That ain’t the fans fault. The company itself decided to make more shit. Therefore, it’s solely their responsibility.

But according to said nerd, it’s that people are “too had to please”. He is definitely not the kind of person you want in the industry. But we already have those kinds of people! That’s the fun part. And many of them happen to be a little too power hungry for anyone’s good. And since everyone is so hyper active in creating their own shitty versions of existing mythos, we can’t expect any good to come to Sonic from any external force. Again, Sonic has no business existing in this day and age. There’s too many cards stacked against it, and little to no hope of a recovery.

And I’m starting to feel like w/e good ideas the FANS on the internet have, Sega will just skim them and use them as some asshole selling point proclaiming that they “listened to fans” while creating a turd nugget of a product yet again. No one felt like Sega’s been pulling this kind of shit yet? Every time you get a certain amount of demand for Sonic to be a certain way, the immediate next Sonic game has “something resembling what fans asked for” but it turns out to be ass which further dehumanizes the fans and makes it seem like the fans don’t know what they want? Or is it just me? I mean everyone kept demanding a 2D Sonic game, Sonic 4 is shit, or Nintendo make a Sonic game and they kinda sorta did that with Lost Mind, then I came up with the idea of a western team to do Sonic right, and that blew over worse than anyone could imagine, it’s like Sega is creating false flags to crap over fans or something. Because the same company that was raking in dough from PSO2 would not be that stupid to constantly fuck up their mascot series.

 

I’m getting ahead of myself. I had been informed that some of those BRB members were fired midway through the project, possibly due to low funds. Which kinda makes sense seeing as not one of those ugly ass toys have arrived on store shelves yet. The other bunch left on their own accord. I don’t know how much Sega blew on this endeavor, but if they rolled bitches out that fast, either they lost faith on the project, rushed it to keep the deadline on releasing it with that stupid cartoon, or they wanted to desperately get out of this Nintendo exclusivity deal fast. “HERE! JUST PUT THE DAMN GAME OUT, THE SOONER WE GET THIS DONE, THE SOONER WE CAN ESCAPE THIS MAD HOUSE!” You’d have to be really suspicious of a corporation when they start trying to hide their products from reviewers. That reeks of them having no intent on fixing the series. It really is just a profit generating machine for them, and a really dodgy one at that. All this nonsense about targeting younger demographics, removing games from store shelves with bad reviews, and hiding review copies to keep people in the dark until the game comes out is dirty as shit. If anything, I can’t blame those BRB legions that left. Sega has become a real monster of a corporation. Their behavior since 2008 is no short of amazing and bewildering.

Still, no excuse to make crap designs and leave a game unfinished, but understandable to some degree. In either case, we can really say Sonic is doomed for any future game that comes out as it seems no company that exists has any vested interest in the series to crap out a decent product. And because all the real talent exists in the non-credential sectors of the globe, The only place a Sonic fan could call home is the PC. Kinda scary for a once Arcade Centric franchise to get personal

I really gotta work on better closing remarks. More and more, I’m starting to think back to that one guy who suggested copyright law be abolished. Sure, the only franchise that would benefit from that would be Sonic, but hell, we here in America like to think that competition is healthy for… some reason. Why not get rid of laws that exist only to protect corporate interests when they damn sure don’t care about OUR interests, rite? That’ll promote lots of competition! If companies weren’t such greedy pussies. I’d like to think Sega would step their game up if the fans were allowed to financially compete against them.

Oh Amma, I love this song

Yes, look away my dear. It is that harrowing!

Upon purchasing Mirror of Fate for mi Bread Slice, I was almost completely aware of how this game was not going to be anything like the Castlevania I know and love, but just like retards at Stadium, I figured I could “adjust to change”. Now a week later and I do so wish I could go back in time and slap the hell out of myself.

OHHHHH the bullshit this game weaves is oh so intricate. Much worse than I imagined. I figured this was gonna be some wannabe IGAvania with Quick Time Events and crappy combat. No, it’s all that plus a bag of peanuts.

You start the game off as Gabriel fighting random monsters in cinematic bullshit pacing, and right off the bat, the first problem comes up. The game runs like ass. It goes for about the same amount of frames as does Ocarina of Time for the N64. It is that slow, and makes the game look ancient in comparison. Secondly, as I’ve covered earlier, these fucks mandate you use the damn thumb tac. After playing Shinobi and what not, trying to play a 2D game with a 3D input device was a no go. It feels so awkward, it’s like I literally have to look down at my thumb to check if I’m pressing directly left or right. And I’m serious, if it is not a straight line you’re pressing in, the shmuck will not move. He will sit his ass there waiting for a better response.

Anywho, after the tripe combat, you get to the story bits of how “Gabriel will become Dracula so the Brotherhood must hide his son from him”. So then we go to… Simon Belmont!?

Yeah, the game doesn’t really follow the game in order of events. You play from the present time and jump into the past when necessary. This is a shitty way to do a plot as it almost ensures how unsatisfying the conclusion will be when you can easily guess what happens in the story.

So anyway, Simon’s character is actually hilarious and is probably one of the few saving graces of this entire game. Nevermind the fact that he looks like some roided up Scottish drunkard that the Castlevania fans grow moist over just because it reminds them of the Barbarian look of the pre-SOTN games. But he’s funny, so that helps.

It starts off pretty decently with a good majority of this campaign being nothing but straight up action. Even has a few subweapons which are useless. Considering that subweapons barely even work against most enemies combined with the range of the whip being the size of an anaconda. Instead, you’re more dependent on 2 magic thingy’s called spirits. You have the Spirit of Belnades which grants you invincibility (also known as “cute shit 1”) as well as the Spirit of Schneider which attacks enemies that are close by (also known as “cute shit 2”).

Early on, however, you find out how nonsensical the game is about it’s inventory spoiler. There are these red glowing hook points that indicate you latch onto them with your whip… if you had the right one. You need the Combat Cross to even use the points. So ok, w/e, just move on. You won’t get the damn cross until halfway through the campaign either way. Despite that, you will start finding a million of those red points taunting you as you make your way through the damn castle. By the time you find the cross, you’ll be sick to death of them. They’re all over the goddamn place! Hook points! WE HAVE HOOK POINTS FOR DAYZ!

So after a while, you get to the “Toy Maker’s domain”, a character that never really appears in this game…  at all. He appears in LOS2, but is a minor character. Nice job Mercury Steaming Pile, you have this whole area building up this fat mother fucker like he all important and shit… anywho, here, you actually get trapped fighting puppets. The goal? Kill all puppets? Actually no, you just have to wait it out until the trap is opened again. Sucks for you. After the trap is… untrapped, you get a nice little cutscene showing Alucard running away, and Simon getting pissed off again. Can’t blame him, the whole event was stupid.

Then we FINALLY get the Combat Cross after miles and miles of *yoink* YOU BITCH! Instead, some necromancer snatches it from Simon’s hands and now you have to fight for it. Tedious boss fight but w/e, we NOW finally have the Combat Cross! And all the Red points become blue points to signify yadda yadda good, now I can climb some shit. I forgot to mention, climbing in this game suuuuuucks. It’s slow, controls like piss, and trying to make the Scottish bastard jump from wall to wall is grating as he has a delay before he can make the leap. Rage is sure to follow if you’ve got steam vents to watch out for. Oh and make sure you really “look before you leap”, because MS went into the psycho “realism” bullshit that now a Belmont can’t jump from a certain height without dying. I died more times from this bullshit because a lot of this game involves leaps of faith (thank you shit camera) because even looking doesn’t give you much info on your surroundings. How the fuck did you replicate all the problems of 3D adventure games… in a 2D game?!

Anyway, after that fuckery, you come to some merry go round filled with heads. Once again, you get trapped behind laser walls and the merry go heads keep spinning around. So now you have an endurance test. And this one was hell. See, you can’t even duck in this game so you have to jump over everything. And these controls are are not suitable for a game like this. You have to really time these jumps due to poor responses, and this goes on for a good 2 minutes or so, combined with the fact that the ride reverses itself, and the laser beams on the walls, floor moving, they really didn’t think of making better controls for these challenges all the while promoting their fucking “Mercury Engine” as you boot up the game. And you’re reward is another lame cutscene.

You know, if I actually gave a damn about these characters, this wouldn’t seem so obnoxious, because you easily figure out that Alucard was in the background saving your sorry ass and that he’s really your father in the form of a vampire, there’s not much to care about. I mean, you just sat here and wasted my damn time on this merry go round for the sake of a story, you’d think they would make it much more enjoyable.

But shortly after that (and I mean shortly), you get up to Dracula’s throne room… but he isn’t there. Instead, you’re in some arabian palace with a flower in the center, and on top of it is bewbs.

Mmmm, demonic bitches.

Of course, knowing Castlevania, that thing was definitely a Succubus in what happens to be a boss fight. I’ll say one thing, the boss fights are least fun in this mug. So after beating her ass, you get to face off against the big D man himself!

After all these years, I thought to myself “FINALLY! A remixed battle between Simon Belmont and Count Dracula once again!” Dis gon B Guud!

NOT! Instead of that, the party is interrupted by Alucard… and this chapter ends.

………What?!

Yeah, really. No fight, it’s literally the end of Act 1… and the beginning of when this game starts to REALLY blow chunks.

Act 2 puts you in control of fangirl favorite, Alucard.

Vampire Fabio. Come and get it ladies!

He sits around complaining about how it wasn’t supposed to be like this or w/e, but proceeds with a makeshift combat cross to take revenge… only to go outside and get his ass whooped by a spider lion.

My, what sparkling whites you have!

So, you have a boss fight you’re not allowed to win, and you’re thrown off a bridge into the water. Oh look, you can breathe under water (note: Simon and Trevor can’t, which makes for some obligatory swimming challenges.) If only I had my trusty Belnades soul. Oh yeah, forgot to mention, you lose fucking everything… except your 2nd combat cross… since you transition to a brand new character (save the “no shit” retorts), but why give me a combat cross if you’re gonna wipe my inventory?

Can’t touch this, I’m gorgeous!

So, you have chapter resets in your abilities. And basically you start off fresh. Anywho, Alucard’s story suuuuuuuuucks. Wanna know why? Less action. Alucard is more about puzzles. Along with that, the boss fights become less fun as you spend more time multi-tasking around specific boss patterns rather than whacking the shit out of em. One boss fight has you using some magnetic rail system to leap over laser beams while trying to destroy machines that keep healing the big bastard. Probably wouldn’t be so irritated if that guy wasn’t so cheap.

Totally not Cornell from LOD

Alucard’s new abilities contain a wolf form that is only good for opening doors (complete with a quick time event so you feel like the wolf form is of some awesome importance. He also has a mist form which is a better dodging move that unfortunately uses up MP just so you can’t abuse it, the fuckers. There’s also a bat projectile that really… REALLY sucks, and a stopwatch that is ultimately worthless aside from one platform puzzle. Alucard is gimped in all combat abilities aside from the combat cross, it’s a wonder he can even fight.

 

But most of your time is spent solving puzzles, 2 of which involve saving Simon’s hairy ass. These devices are very complex(and easy) in that you have to usually guide laser lights to their proper end points, or burn some ropes with some asinine contraption (And no, you have no fire powers either). It’s funny how when it comes time to save Simon the second time, Alucard sighs like “this fool in trouble again”. It’s like the developers were trying to patronize you by saying “yeah, we know doing another puzzle sucks, so lets make the character agree with the players!”.

Sorry kids, But deez… are… the breaks!

After one of the most tedious portions of any game, you FINALLY get to have your precious fight against Dracula. By teaming up with Simon Belmont! This… COULD’VE been a fun fight, but then MS put some gay shit in here where Simon gets mind controlled and sicks Simon on you, basically a trick since Simon is Alucard’s son, what happens is that if you try to attack… at all, Alucard will instead sit there and say random shit like “I don’t want to fight you! No!”.

I….. I couldn’t believe my eyes. The game turned my character into a punk bitch! He cries like the pussy he is if you press any attack button. Instead, you’re supposed to counter a good 3 to 5 of his attacks just to snap him out of it, then you go back to fighting Dracula. And Simon fights like a bitch, he can’t get close to Drac without being knocked on his ass. GREAT JOB OF PROVING WHY YOU’RE THE MOST FAMOUS BELMONT, DIP SHIT! So I just used him as bait to distract Drac. Whipped his ass into submission.

So after the most anti-climatic boss fight in Castlevania history (Beat the Sorrow series in those departments), we get a scene where Alucard places his and on Simon’s cheek in the most incestuously homo way imaginable, and they stare into each other’s eyes uncomfortably, and Alucard leaves.

Dad sucks!

So onward to Act 3. This time you play Alucard’s other half, Trevor Belmont, the father of Simon, years before the first 2 acts took place. This one, while not as horrendous as Alucard’s story, is also quite lame. This time, you perform “cinematic action sequences” and fetch quests. One very notable one is where you have to find dead bodies containing answers to a particular puzzle you have to solve before moving one. Wow, combining 2 of my most hated segments in any game. Not to mention having to scale a giant vertical tower where making one wrong jump can kill you, so basically the game is testing your patience with shitty controls.

I also spotted something iffy. Alucard needed to earn the ability of double jumping… but Trevor has it right off the back. It couldn’t be old age, Vampires don’t age. Ah, w/e. Trevor’s abilities now contain light and dark magic, similar to the Spirits that Simon uses. They’re mostly used for opening specific doors and not really for combat purposes. You also get an upgrade for te Combat Cross which allows you to… basically do the same thing as Alucard’s wolf form. So basically, here you just get new equipment for the same reasons Link does in Zelda games, just to get around. It’s kinda sad. It’s stupid shit like this that makes the excitement of getting new equipment… not exciting because you know you’re going to be doing a lot of backtracking just to get through those areas that you couldn’t get through the first time because you didn’t have so and so tool at the time, no wonder Zelda and Metroid sell like ass without good graphics.

Anywho, after a while of “cinematic boss fights” filled with QTE’s, you come to a big area where you climb, jump, climb some more, and jump some more until you get to a point where the final door cannot open until… you leave the entire area and go through the whole castle again to look for 2 balls.

MS is a troll developer, you think you’re going somewhere, but then you’re sent on a goddamn goose chase! Man, who knew Dracula loved elevators? There’s so many here. Something’s wrong. This series is supposed to take place in the 11th century, where did these elevators come from!?

Praise Amma for teleporters or this segment would’ve driven me batshit. These items are spread so far, mang. You’d think you were playing Mother Goose or some shit.

So after screwing around with looking for nutz, you finally get to fight Dracula… again. Now… this fight is supposed to be “harder” than before because you no longer have live bait but honestly, this fight was just as piss easy as the last. When you get him down to a sliver of health, you go into cinematic bullshit mode with more QTE’s. But it looks epic, you got Trevor and Dracula flying through the air like some DBZ shit. BUT…

Problem, Trevor?

Yeah yeah, I know, it had to happen to explain why Trevor became Alucard, but damn if it isn’t unsatisfying. A final boss fight where you are made to lose.

Trying to summarize this game is more difficult because a lot of it’s material is easily forgettable, and I don’t know who would want to play through a second time for any reason, it’s a one and done deal. There’s also a secrent ending for 100% completion, but it’s only a shot of Simon looking at the Castle crumbling as a sort of “easter egg/cute shit” throwback to the regular endings of……. ALL Castlevania games, really. It’s cheap, it’s unrewarding, and shows that Mecury Steam looks at Nostalgia in a completely superficial context. Dracula recites a line from SOTN for no goddamn reason… TWICE in this series. It comes off as cheap and uninspired.

A lot of this game feels nothing like Castlevania, but they think that by throwing in a few little “nods” (w/e the fuck a nod is supposed to mean to me or any other stupid ass Castlevania fan), they can appease the fans of the series? Piece of shit! This is not Castlevania, and I don’t care how much cute shit you toss into it, it will never be Castlevania.

I don’t get this idiocy with developers who completely revamp a series without consent of the fans and have all the fucking gall to move in and convince people that this is the shit they know and love. Gabriel’s armor being red as a reference to Simon’s red armor from CV2, are you on the yak!? And people actually bought that excuse. You’re not gonna look at Gabriel Belmont and think Castlevania 2! Nobody likes Castlevania 2 to give a shit about some 2 bit easter egg that no one would get.

To calm myself down from rage, I found Lament of Innocence over PSN, DL’d it…. THIS GAME WAS THE SHIT! This is REAL Castlevania! You got REAL boss fights that consist of merely whacking the fuckers and dodging their attacks, not doing some contrived “multitasking strategy” bullshit like “counter attacks 3 times to get to the next part” or any dingy involving QTEs. Sure, there’s a few fetch quests and back tracking, but I’ll take anyone’s bullshit over Konami’s new “revisionary series”.

I’ve been playing Castlevania games up the arse. From Bloodlines to SOTN, all the GBA/DS games, it’s real sad how fucked this series got after Harmony of Dissonence. It turned into animu creampuff BS along with having a Pachinko game with titties.

And then we get to overcompensation with some “me too” God of War crap about a guy who cries about his dead wife but has a plan to resurrect her body before she starts to smell. Then it turns into some goth hot topic “underworld” looking shit for the sequel with so much over the top cinematics and more injected testosterone (Satan got roided up), all of it gets overshadowed by Dracula having family issues.

NUUUUUUUUU!

Turning Castlevania into a game about religion, and then into some retarded shit about New World Order in some last minute attempt to one up Ninja Theory’s fuck up with Devil May Cry. Why? Apparently the director had his head so far up his ass according to his “underlings”.

Alright, everyone who complained about Konami. I concede. Fuck Konami. For destroying the ONLY shit I cared about from them… and maybe ruining Metal Gear, idk, I don’t play that shit outside of Rising. IGA was the man. Yeah he cocked up with DOS, POR, and HD, but he knew how to make a competent game (most of the time). So chock full of secrets that you desperately wanted to dig deeper into. Not to mention making it so combat wasn’t a chore like the stiff controlling NES games. MS goes right back to stiff ass controls for this piece of shit. And all with the Thumb tac, no less!

But, they say this is it for the crappy LOS series, so I don’t know what Castlevania will be like in the future. Maybe they’ll kill it off and continue whoring out Metal Gear for all it’s milk.

And for the most part, there’s only one game that I’m looking forward to, and you can all guess what it is.

Of course, for everyone else, E3 is yet again ass. For no specific reasons, but if I had to hazard a guess, most games coming out look no different than last generations.

More shooters? Check

More Grim Adventure games trying to be like Ass Creed? Check

More Nintendo Stupidity? Check

I’ve noticed far more dissappointment this E3 than ever before. As for me, I’ve actually been a little more than anticipating something.

Obviously, Mortal Kombat X is on my list of shit to buy next year. As a person who isn’t a “real” MK fan, the irony is overwhelming. While there’s 2 shitty new characters and no hope for Sub Zero not to suck, the prospects of a much smoother sequel is promising. I’m one of the few people looking forward to this variant shit. I’m sure something like that would turn people off though as you’d have to learn how to counter 3 different versions of the same character, so it’s bound to make more disorientating match ups. But in a way, it’s kinda cool.

I am PISSED at the prospects of micromanagement, though. The run feature should’ve never returned, and for a guy who talks about wanting to move on from the past, he sure is willing to bring it back when no one wants it. Not to mention all the arbitrary restrictions on what you can do. Using up meter to backdash is retarded. I don’t mind the interactables being limited, but backdashing shouldn’t at all be used by meter. It’s a basic evasive function that serves no other purpose than to quickly get away from your opponent, there’s nothing game breaking about it that would mandate such a bullshit change. The fact that the game has a Stamina system pisses me off to the ultimate pisstivity. Who thought that was a good idea? More and more, I’m starting to see how amateurish Netherrealm Studios are with their games. Injustice was bad enough.

It’s odd how the dumbest looking Nintendo game is one of the few that actually looks… promising? I don’t even know what the hell you’re supposed to do in this game, it looks like you’re trying to cover the field in as much of your team’s Nickolodean slime before time runs out. It;s like Reversi Battle in Bomberman Generations, or you just shoot each other’s brains out. W/e the case is, it looks… uh, kinda fun? I’d honestly rather have another Custom Robo game, but w/e. Anything is better than another Pikmin.

Probably the best step for the Zelda series for no other reason than to get away from the puzzle monstrosities of Aonuma’s cartoon faggotry. We have quite a few Zelda characters going into can of whoop ass mode, destroying legions of Skyward Sword enemies as if by some apologetic notion of awarding Zelda fans the chance to take out their frustration on Aonuma’s horrid direction of the series. And dammit, I like me some Koei Warrior shit. Not to mention we finally get another Zelda villain with bewbs and a raging hard on for Link. Er… scratch that.

I’m actually glad Midna got into this game, but is also pissed that she isn’t in her belly dancer form. And who the hell is that white-haired chick in the back of the poster!? And I’m still pissed that Impa is bleached. And GANON is back! Woot!

I’m pretty sure that once the main campaign is over, however, that the game will start to devolve into endless grinds for more characters, stages, weapons and animals. It’s something of a curse for Koei’s games as of late as everything turns into a mindless grind fest for more shit. And hell, Zelda games have had a bad habit of grinding themselves, Koei’s bullshit fits right in. And this will be a pointless hope, but Koei really should cut back on the Puke Rock music. DW8’s soundtrack is bland as shit. Course, Zelda also has trash music after Link’s Awakening.

I didn’t start playing Guilty Gear until I found a copy on Wii, but damn, that was some good shit. Since this is just an update of every other GG they’ve made, it’s the only one I’ve bothered playing. Seeing as Xrd will be cutting characters (*sniff*… Jam) aside from the “unique” fucks (since Japan is all about unique playstyles now), I’m on high alert. Luckily, most of the people I use anyway are still in (Millia, Chipp, Venom). And dat theme song, mmmmmmmmm MMMM! Bring this shit the fuck on, mang!

More fighting games, yeah. Take note that I’ve also… only recently played Persona Arena. I don’t have much thoughts on this. I just want more characters cause this piddly ass roster wasn’t cutting it. I mean damn, it was so small, man! It might as well have been SF2. Not to mention 2 of them being clones. Call me spoiled, but so many fighters this generation had more than 10 characters tops, I was expecting something bigger. Ah well, the first fighters of any series usually is small in roster, even Blazblue’s shitty roster started at 10.

I probably shouldn’t concern myself with the latter 2 games as I don’;t plan on buying Nintendo’s crap console in the future, so all I really have to look forward to is Mortal Kombat X, and that could go either way. Scalebound is definitely a no buy considering it’s exclusive to Microshit.

There was some shit about Ratchet and Clank 1 getting a PS4 remake that cures my insomnia, but I’m seeing that movie. Kirby’s Rainbow Curse is fucking clay (it rhymes, so it fits), Star Fox will be ruined further, Nintendo has a “Captain Toad” game that terrifies me, XSEED is publishing games with titties, Capcom as always has nothing to be excited about (except a piddly reskinned Cammy with some Marvel Super Hero mask, I guess), Namco keeps making licensed anime games, EA keeps making sports games, and everything else is crap. Obviously Sonic Boom was going to be ass.

So with that, E3 is over in a flash. Mass dissappointment for anyone not a Nintard. The only question I ask is…. why the graceful hell is Sega making another Aliens game!?

Aside from these 5 titles, E3 showed nothing of promise to me. It just seems to be a display of safe sequels and Nintendo’s stupidity. Not

I was havin a conversation the other day… with some asshole… on what the worst thing about today’s games is that is keeping people from enjoying them, starting off with Mario. Funny, he’s proclaimed himself to be a Nintendo fanboy but… can’t seem to understand why Mario is shit today. He’s played and praised just about every 3D Mario up until 3D World, which is odd considering that game tries to be a 3D NSMB game. It’s odd how Mario fans seem to hate the Mario games that don’t have bullshit in them. I tell him straight up that it’s because the game’s main objectives stem from needing to fetch shit. I think Mack pointed it out in an earlier post about Extrinsic motivation.

Modern games are all about extrinsic motivation, game’s main campaign mode = one big extrinsic motivator, extrinsic motivation –> long-term goals, everything you do in RPGs and collectathons ultimately serve to progress the campaign mode.

To translate, you become the game’s bitch. You do all this goofy shit just to progress. And ultimately, that’s what it comes down to where the game plays you and not the other way around.

In the case of 3D Mario, what is it that you are ultimately doing? Running around trying to find random macguffins to progress to the next world/hub to get to more worlds and repeat the process. These are very time consuming objectives, and by the end of the game, you’ll be exhausted from the game’s own stupidity and bore-ish activities to bother with a second playthrough.  The very nature of 3D Mario goes against natural progression.

Now, the odd thing is when I talk about fetch quests being a pain in the ass, I’ve not had one person disagree with me… until now. For some reason, he took offense to the notion. You know what this bitch said?

Does Pac Man suck then? After all, it’s  a fetch quest. You move around a board trying to collect dots.

….Now how many of ya’ll would sit there and think “he’s absolutely right”? A good portion, I would bet. Because Pac Man was pleasantly popular way back yander, this would give credence to the notion that “fetch quests are A-OK!” So of course, the normal response would be to say how different Pac Man is from 3D Mario games in terms of how you do this “collecting”, but this would make dumb fuck go on to say “then we change it to the way Pac Man does it”.

Instead, I asked him what he liked most about Pac Man. I asked if he enjoyed gobbling up dots.

His response is “I mean, that’s just what you gotta do to-”

“Naw dawg, do you like that aspect?”

“It’s just the thing you do-”

“Mother fucker, do you like it?”

“…..Naw man”

“Then what do you like about Pac Man?”

“I don’t really like Pac Man”

“What’s that mean? Do you like it or not?”

“Naw”

‘Then why do you think people like it?”

“…..I don’t know, it’s just-”

“Ok, you don’t know. Then how the hell do you figure that people would up and like fetch quests because Pac Man had it?”

“I didn’t say that!”

“But you implied it, foo!”

Anyway, I don’t even have to explain the differences between Pac Man and 3D Mario, it’s as clear as daylight. W/e the case is, yeah, there’s plenty of Arcade games that have bullshit in them. That’s why a good majority aren’t remembered fondly, you see. The question we should be asking is why games still have them. If we have fetch quests because of Pac Man of all shit, then all this talk about improving gameplay is hot air. Todays designers have made Pac Man’s gameplay WORSE, if that’s the case.

Why this person felt the need to justify the bullshit we have in games today by reaching back into history to grab up at least one example of this shit existing is beyond me. And so many people of this generation are so prone to doing this. Just because a previous game had something… doesn’t make it good! Sonic Adventure 1, Heroes, and Shadow the Hedgehog had characters talking to each other. That doesn’t automatically mean it’s a series staple that has to be revived for later installments, especially if you’re gonna make it many times worse!

Now they talk too fucking much! This is distracting and irritating, and is nothing like A4O. Nothing they say s even remotely funny or interesting, it makes them out to be a bunch of college douche bags. Shit, I was right when I said the characters are co-opting actual interaction with you and someone else, thereby making it less fun for everyone else.

Aside from that, Zelda games had puzzles since Zelda 3 on the SNES. Doesn’t mean people like or want them back. Just because old shit had vices doesn’t mean it’s ok for new games to have them. And for the record, Pac Man wasn’t a fetch quest in terms of how 3D Mario and all other shit like it does it. But apparently, that won’t stop people from using it as an example.

But see, that’s the thing. He was so busy trying to be a smart ass, he glossed over why Pac Man was crack, man. And he didn’t know at all. Our generation today has a hard time explaining why old shit was popular because our tastes is supposedly different from the generation previously, and because everyone is a graphic’s whore. People today just get offended by shit for no reason. No one has fun doing fetch quests! But beyond all reason, he seemed to think it was important to 3D Mario in some sort of way. How? I doubt he could explain. He just wanted to be a smart ass. People don’t usually react with statements like that unless they truly felt it was wrong in some way. He even admits that he doesn’t like most platformers that have the same damn format as 3D Mario, so there’s no way in the jaws of ammut that he could love fetch quests. But because “Pac Man supposedly had them”, it’s ok for current day platformers to have them because Pac Man was popular.

History shouldn’t be a crutch to justify the vices of the modern world. It’s like when some boot lickin negroes would go around the bush spittin about how “Africans sold Africans into slavery”, a loaded statement if there ever was. Instead of forgiving the ancestors for their part like they forgave the white boys, since they obviously had no problem forgiving them, they choose to justify an atrocity.

Our generation has to be some of the dumbest mother fuckers in the world. I can see why Sonic Retro’s asshole is so tight, you’d need a jack hammer to squeeze a nickel through their butt cheeks. Stupid mother fuckers like this are so common. Their intent isn’t to have rational discussion, but to either learn for fucking argument, or to be funny. In the case of gaming, it’s like moths to a flame. It attracts some of the worst people ever known. Mainly because video games are such an unimportant aspect of people’s lives, there’s less chance of people taking shit personally. But damn if it ain’t irritating.

Seriously, Pac Man? I actually played Super Pac Man, Pac and Pal.. damn, Namco actually fucked them up, going on dumb ass’s logic and making the “fetch parts” more un fun than usual. You have to actually find keys to open up fruit gates and stuffs, they made it tedious as hell. People like cleverly navigating the mazes to avoid ghosts and doing cheesy cool shit like waiting for them to get lose before eating a super pellet. The act of eating pellets is just what people do to complete  stage, what makes it exciting are those asshole ghosts. 3D Mario, you’re just doing goofy bullshit to collect your prizes one at a time. And it’s not like the pellets at all, this shit is spread out through so many worlds and you need a certain number of them to progress!? And the numbers get bigger as you progress. Pac Man is a set maze, the objective is the same. What changes? The intensity of the danger. Those ghosts get smart reaaaaaaaal fast.

I mean… how the fuck do you compare Pac Man to 3D Mario based on an objective? It’s like the dumbass that tried to say Sonic Riders was a Mario Kart ripoff because the Speed/Fly/Power typings were similar to weight classes. Fucking Nintards, man.

This is probably the only good design they have… and it’s a completely new character, of course.

Bout time E3 got here.

Siliconera (and every other gaming site) asks very dumb questions to the team who’s heads are clearly up their own asses. Pay close attention to everything said. The idiocy will be very clear.

What was the biggest takeaway you got from fans after Sonic Boom was announced?

Bob Rafei, CEO of Big Red Button: That’s easy. What a strong fanbase and a vocal fanbase this franchise has.

The most important feedback was from Sega and Sonic Team. This is something they are exploring in terms of a different approach for Sonic. That was the most important guidance to us.

In terms of your first question, having that strong reaction to me validates we were on the right track. The majority of it was strong and positive so we know we are hitting the right chord. Also from my personal perspective is if we didn’t foster such a strong reaction we wouldn’t be giving Sega their run for their money by having us really explore a different approach with the franchise. We ultimately believe we are on the right track and we are happy and comfortable with the direction that Sonic Boom is going in.

In the word’s of evil Clank: What a load of bulls

Where this positive reception came from, I’ll never know. Considering people are on a “shaky optimism” phase in which they want to make believe the character designs don’t even matter and lie to themselves about the “importance of gameplay”. What he’s really done was make Sonic fans uncomfortable with the changes. So far, the only people who are pleased with it are the dregs of Stadium. And I’ll be damned if they represent me.

Secondly, if feedback from Sonic Team was important, why didn’t Rafei take into account that even THEY were uncomfortable with the designs? And giving them a run for their money means you’ve “defeated Sega” somehow. Perhaps manipulating them to accept shitty character designs for the sake of selling toys is what he’s referring to?

And if that is the case, then Amma help us.

Lastly, Rafei’s claims of being happy with the product is just that. His ego. Everyone always believes they are on the right track with their decisions (especially the creative types). That means jack shit in the long run.

What part of Sonic Boom surprised Sonic Team the most when you showed it to them?

I would say combat. That was a bit of a head scratcher for Sonic Team, but the more they saw what we were doing the more they helped us hone it. We knew it had to have speed elements because it is a Sonic game. That sense of exploration is going back to a Sonic Adventure feel.

[Feedback from Sonic Team] was really in terms of balancing and tuning. Part of the mission mandate at Big Red Button was to expand on Sonic. I would say that is something we brought to the table and Sega really digested and agreed it was a good approach.

I’d have to be really confused. Didn’t they make the fucking Werehog back in 08? By the looks of Boom, it seems to be “Sonic Unleashed done right”. You have the speed sections, then you have the slog fest of combat and “EXPLORATION” which will no doubt be centered on fetch quests and puzzles. It wasn’t Sonic Adventure then, it won’t be now.

Besides that, all people liked about the adventure games were the speed stages and story (AND CHAO!). No one liked the parts where they had to WORK. The working portions are considered the Adventure game’s biggest vice, so bringing those elements back and refining them for w/e reason serves no fucking purpose.

Again, think about why Colors had (short lived) positive reception for the first 2 months. They took what people liked… and improved upon it. just because people want more Adventure games doesn’t mean they want the bullshit that came with them. If they do, then Amma help us.

Sonic is an interesting series since there are kids that grew up with 2D Sonic and there are kids that grew up with and prefer 3D Sonic. And now, there are going to be kids that will grow up with Sonic Boom. There are three different kinds of games with one starring character. When you look at your style in Sonic Boom what are the tenets of this kind of Sonic game?

Siliconera’s question seems loaded. We’ve heard a million times that Boom is not a reboot, yet there’s all these friggin implications of the exact opposite. Rafei not bothering to correct the interviewer on the matter is telling. Or perhaps BRB is so cocksure of themselves that Sonic Boom is “the shit” that it might as well be a reboot.

Primarily, it is a character action exploration. It’s an epic adventure story. It’s all about exploration. We introduced combat in a way that is kind of new to the franchise so it was very important that we do that right because it is such a different approach. And certainly speed is part of the equation. The speed component for us is tapping into joyous movement, the sense of rollercoaster and exhilaration of movement.

I dare not use the G-word, but this fool is pushin it with this joyous movement nonsense. What, did he look at Sonic Generations and see the “trick sections” as Joyous or something?

Combat emphasis is NOTHING new to the series. We’ve had 2 fighting games for pete’s sake. And then Sonic Heroes, which is really the precursor to bad Sonic combat anyway. And again, werehog. The only difference is that both players have to “work together” to take down one or 2 enemies, but the basic ideas are the same from Heroes.

In terms of the main project pillar, it was cooperative play. We wanted to have an experience where friends and family sit down on a couch and are able to play the game together. That kind of relationship people will bring to it, we wanted to have the characters display that in their banter. Personality was another big important part of it, in terms of how the characters emote and how it reflects into the mechanics as well.

…..Dat’s ga-… oh, had to stop myself there.

I don’t really care about character banter as Sonic games have had this for years. I can’t help but feel it will be just as soulless and unfunny, but it’s definitely not new territory.

What puzzles me is his desire to reflect “family and friend time” in character banter. Maybe this is where people who can’t get enough of their own shit smell start saying illogical things, but isn’t the relationship that people “bring to a game”… supposed to be special to themselves and not be co-opted by video game characters?

Eh, it was fine in A4O, but mostly because it was funny. I don’t think that same kind of comedy will be present in Boom.

For example, Sonic is all about speed. His navigation and combat are centered around fast rapid movements. Knuckles is a big bruiser, he’s a power character. Tails is the inventor on the team and Amy has agility. She has a triple jump. Knuckles has burrow and wall climbing. Tails has a buddy bot, which he can release onto enemies or unlock gates for him. That kind of characteristic that comes out in their persona also come out in how they speak to each other in the story. These guys known each other for a long time that means we can have some fun since they don’t always agree with each other.

Translation: No one but Amy has gotten any real improvements. Infact, we’ll just make Tails a friggin bore.

How much you wanna bet Tails will be for “expert players” because he has to use ranged attacks and status attacks to do more than tickle his enemies? My word, I’ve bitched more about Tails than I have with Knuckles!

Is it hard to do joyous movement in 3D space compared to the 2D Sonic games where Sonic had one less plane to worry about?

Oh lawd, I don’t even know what Joyous Movement is, and they’re going on about it like it’s been in the series since the “good ol’ days.” As far as I can guess. Joyous Movement would be like dancing.

…….Wait. Sonic has breakdance moves… and Amy is “graceful” like a Ballerina… and the main villain is called “Lyric”. Is the theme of this game some sort of musical? Synergy and all?

I think Sonic Boom has found a good formula for that. We tried to make a subtle variation by having lane changing and the obstacle course. There are a lot of different paths too. Classic Sonic has the main path and for the more skilled players you can access the higher levels. That is also something we wanted to tap into as well.

What the hell? Finding a different route didn’t take “skill”. It took curiosity and a little bit of velocity. Skill to find a different path is in bullshit like Sonic Unleashed where you had these “one in a lifetime” jumps and/or sections where you had to quickly access before you passed the one only device that would propel you into those areas. For shit like Sonic 2? You take shit slow and find other ways around. No more skill than merely diverting away from the original course.

Has this guy ever played a Sonic game before Adventure!?

In terms of navigating in 3D space, yeah it is more difficult because spatially you have to understand what is happening. That’s the challenge of any driving game has or flying game has. That is something we were also very aware of when we developing the course in Sonic Boom.

How did you solve the problem?

It’s the progression of challenge and that’s through introduction and mastery of a mechanic.

Iz diz fool srs?

Iz dis fool srs?

If lane changing is anything like we saw in the video where Sonic and friends are merely “sidestepping” to avoid obstacles, there isn’t much of an issue. I don’t see how “lane changing” could be done otherwise, unless they have some psychotic new mechanic that takes advantage of the crap pad.

Sonic is known for having an attitude and in the old cartoons he made a lot of one liner wisecracks. When you were writing the story, what are some of the jokes and catchphrases he has in Sonic Boom?

…..That might be a stupid question. 😛

There are so many. We wanted to find a balance between making the character appealing and not being so repetitive by saying the same one liners.

Oh, so they hate PontaGraf’s writing too?

What we love about his personality is we wanted to build on his attitude of rushing into action sometimes without thinking about it. Tails, a lot of times, is telling him, “We got to check this out” or the other team members will say, “I don’t know if we need to go there.” That’s the fun aspect of having Sonic rush into action and then have to backtrack to see if he got into trouble or not. That plays a big part in the story which will we reveal more at E3.

I’ll ignore the bad syntax in the first portion, but why would we want more of Lost Mind’s crappy narrative? Honestly…

What about Amy? It seems like she’s changed the most.

We wanted to have a strong, able-bodied female character. We didn’t want her to be fawning after Sonic. The goal was to have her be appealing on her own. She is very agile, she is very acrobatic, and very graceful. She’s the only character, from a pure mechanics perspective, that has a triple jump. There are some places that only she can get to.

TOO LATE! Amy has had loads of screen time devoted to not fawning over Sonic. While not recently considering the pandering to retards for “SAWNIC ONLY”, but if Adventure 1+2, Heroes, Battle, Zero Gravity and the like, she actually shows a girl with a back bone. And she STILL sucks!

I like how they assume we’ll up and like the character because she’s not fawning over Sonic. That wasn’t her problem. She was a generally irritating character, very pushy, and seems to solve all of her problems through aggression. You know, the thing people accused KNUCKLES of freely even though it’s a light threat. Not to mention she acts like a complete valley girl half the time.

Amy isn’t unappealing because she wanted Sonic to get in her skirt, she’s just a complete bitch. Think Misty as a Fairy Pokemon with a hammer. On second thought, don’t. People actually LIKE Misty for no other reason than the episode where she dressed up like a mermaid.

And wow! A triple jump! Certainly it will propel to me to places that Tails couldn’t traverse! >_>

And Knuckles?

He’s the most fun character to write for because he’s a little slow on the uptake. A lot of times, the things he is saying tend to be funny because he is trying to process what is happening. He’s our go to guy for the punch line and I think the show does that as well.

Yep! He’s more retarded in this series folks. “We can’t have this filthy ni- have any redeeming qualities beyond physique and comedy relief!”

In collaboration with the TV writers, we wanted to have a consistent approach with their personalities and the show really plays up on that.

It’s supposed to. It’s a fucking prequel after all. We live in an age where characters don’t arbitrarily change their persona’s between films without character development. Wouldn’t want to have any fuck ups like you did with Jak.

How does Eggman fit into this since Sonic Boom has a new main villain?

We wanted him to pass down the torch in terms of introducing a new villain. That’s a very fun dynamic that was very cool to create, these two guys have an uneasy partnership and we’ll be talking about that more at E3.

It’s not at all fun. If you’re not gonna have Robotnik as the main villain, don’t lump him into the games out of obligation. Since all you’re going to do is turn him into a clown, it would be more of a disservice. Hell, we had a robot pirate in Rush Adventure, I don’t recall buttnik being a relevant. Hell, we had Black Doom and Mephiles, and Mephelis wasn’t even needed as Robotnik was treated as a threat.

Damn, looking at this, all Sonic characters got derailed after Heroes. Robotnik is the Team Rocket of Sonic games these days.

We will still see a decent amount of Eggman in the game?

Oh yeah, absolutely. We wanted to tap into the best parts of canon and build on top of that. Eggman is in the game and there is a boss round with him here. Part of the narrative arc is being stronger with friends, which is what are team represents and that kind of discord the antagonist team goes through. They can ultimately never be able to work together, so that becomes their undoing. Versus the team, which learns to mesh together and use their individual skills to their best advantage.

For a company that wants to “surprise” people, Rafei has no idea that he spoiled the plot just now. Great, I have zero reason to invest any interest in the game unless this is a carefully worded lie.

It seems like there are more collectables in Sonic Boom like all of those robot parts in the demo.

Because we chose to do a character adventure, part of the genre is the ability to explore and to find these rare items. That’s where that comes from, to be true to the genre blending, taking those parts of Sonic that we love and putting a twist on it by giving it a classic character adventure feel. You go to the hubs, you meet NPCs, there are unlockables there, there are missions that they give you. There are home improvement missions you’ll see at the hubs and those are satisfied by collecting robot parts.

Damn, he just listed everything I hated about modern gaming. And HOME IMPROVEMENT MISSIONS!? Fuck right off with that mess!

Rafei is honestly convinced that he’s doing something ground breaking with Sonic Doom, when all he’s done was take the elements that people HATED about the modern games and is multiplying them by six.

The one thing that really needs to be abolished from games are the concepts of hub/overworlds unless it is strictly an RPG. They serve zero purpose beyond sluggish transitions between levels. There is usually nothing to do besides shoddy minigames that no one will like, and for Sonic, missions have never benefited the series. These are things that people do not want in Sonic games. Amma knows I’m tired of these goddamn fetch quests.

And what the fuck does “character adventure” mean? What’s the point of an adventure if there isn’t a character to partake in it? I make up my own terms in this blog, but at least I define them so the readers who haven’t been turned off by now would know half the shit I’m talkin about. Joyous movement still makes no goddamn sense.

Between this and that turd piece 3DS version, I don’t know what’s worse. We have a development team who has displayed their arrogance in the face of criticism (don’t bash without playing!), and picking and choosing what type of fan reactions to showcase, as well as going on to say that w/e their employer’s want is more important than what the fans want when Sega couldn’t give two fucks about this series to NOT outsource the damn series to people that clearly have no idea what the hell they’re doing, rather than the people who still clinges to the hope of seeing this series not get raped any further. All the design mistakes that have plagued this series and many other platformers are all here, “introduced” as though they’re completely new ideas that Sega hasn’t tried and failed to profit from.

You know what’s worse? Ed Boon talking about wanting to make a “cinematic” fighting game out of Mortal Kombat X! W/e the fuck that means, I fear for the worst! Injustice was cinematic enough, and it’s shit! Eh, I’ll wait for more info on that one. Why is Scorpion always kicking Sub Zero’s ass?

I’m sure this will be taken down soon. But from what I gather, Sonic is again the only character that looks fun to play. And the only fun segments are… the running segments, of course. But hearing the descriptions of “coop puzzles” terrifies me. And a lot of the combat seems limited to dragging enemies around to damage bigger bosses.

One thing I’ve noticed is that combat is…. slow. While the animations look nice, in hindsight seeing characters just have a hideously long frame delay between each hit is bad for my eyes. It makes combat look jagged, especially seeing Knuckles’s Spine Drive Upper from SA2 practically freezing between each hit. I honestly hoped the combat would look more enjoyable than what we got. And hearing that you use the gamepad when it comes time to separate from certain characters?

Who honestly liked this shit?

That is stupid design. All the hype about how the game is about “working together”, you have areas in which only one character can access at a time, leaving the other person behind temporarily. These fucking gimmicks, man. If that’s some horse’s ass way of showing off how “unique” each character is, you’re 20 years too late.

Thus far, I haven’t seen anything resembling “strategic” combat against enemies outside of bosses (which is a good thing, I suppose, can’t imagine what stupidity they would think of). There’s the silly “need to take care of shields” cliche we’ve seen about a million times, of course, but nothing too obnoxious yet. Perhaps (hopefully), that’s all there is to it while you repeat that process for about a million levels. I am bothered in seeing that during the running(GOOD) segments, you need to whip out that damn enerbeam just to progress through an obstacle. And it looks linear, too.

All in all, if the running segments didn’t take a back seat or have that tether shit in between, this would’ve been a nicer looking game. But for what it is, it looks like a poor man’s Mystic Heroes.

That even sounds like Marine. Alternate universe, says retarded shit all the time, and is a nut. And the best name they could come up with is fucking “Sticks”?

Were they seriously trying to convince us that they didn’t put Marine in this game? All the speculation about Marine being in the game must’ve pissed them off that they probably went “Ok, everyone figured it out. Lets change her clothes from green to some brown caveman drag … and make her a little smarter so that we can prove the fans wrong!”

It seems BRB has about the same level of hostility towards their fans as Capcom, only in the passive-aggressive sense. I mean if they have Mike Pollock going around implying Sonic fans are not familiar with their vocabulary, they must be pissed off.

And they managed to make Sonic and Knuckles look even more idiotic (they should never have changed the designs in the first place). It looks like they just photoshopped some beta Sonic Adventure model onto Sonic’s head.

Why, oh why. It seems to be a trope. When a developer or publisher ultimately fails on making a GOOD first impression of their game, they fall into the defense of “wait till you play”.  Nintendo Power used this excuse for Yoshi’s Island way back in the Super Nintendo days.

Why was Yoshi’s Island so unpopular back then?

Because it looks like baby shit?

That and poor mechanics such as taking care of a Baby Mario.

People did not respond favorably to the game because it didn’t look cool. Gamers are shallow people. We go by what looks cool and relevant to our tastes.

Now I’m not aware of any complaints that occurred during SA1’s tenure as everyone I was surrounded by wanted this game like crack. That and I had no real internet access back then. But w/e the case is, it must not have been too bad. Wind Waker bad? No. DmC bad? No. Act Zero bad? Good lord no.

Sonic Boom…. is Wind Waker bad. SA1 and beyond would be “enhancing” an old design. And I’ll admit, I hated Sonic’s shoes in SA2.

06 had an oddball “style” where all the characters looked weird, but they gladly changed that shit back to something we’re familiar with. Even then, it would be considered “enhancing” the older designs (am I the only one who liked Robotnik’s appearance in that game?)

Sonic Boom… is retroactively changing the designs. This does not look like the Sonic people know and…. know well. The characters look even worse than 06. And people are turned the fuck off. Even more so when there are claims that they were changed to fit stereotypical standards of the artists themselves in some false goal of helping “children” know what their powers are. I don’t recall Sonic’s power being “adventurous“. That serves no benefit to anyway.

I don’t have to wait to know I will play shitty looking variations of characters I’ve known since 91.

As I’ve said before, even the gameplay turns me off. Knowing that there is the presence of a gimmick, something that you have to use in order to get around in this game, and that there are forced coop actions similar to All 4 One alienates the fuck out of me. I don’t have to wait to know that there will be strings attached to my progress in-game.

There is no rule for how a customer exercises his or her purchasing power. The only mantra we have to follow is to “spend wisely”. That means choosing what is worth buying and what isn’t. If money is tight for more than 95%  of a specific country, then you have 95% marketshare that is going to be cautious about what they buy. If you want that 95% marketshare, then you make a game that is 95% appealing. Sonic Boom isn’t even worth 5% of my time.

To be told to “wait until the game comes out” is confirmation that they do not care who they piss off. They’ll make the game the way they damn well please. That’s fine so as long as I am allowed to have no expectations of greatness for the game.

You know what’s really interesting? Even Namco has more consideration for their fans. When they were designing the Klonoa remake on Wii, they had a redesign that made Klonoa more um…

On the left was the intended redesign.

Yeah, it looked less rabbit and more feline. Rightly, people got pissed and Namco hurried along to change that right the fuck back to rabbit with a cap. Instead, we get a more enhanced design of the original.

Namco PERSONALLY POLLED their ENGLISH SPEAKING FANS on whether they liked the hip redesign. They said fuck no. So if a big “Japanese” company like Namco Bandai can spend time and money meeting Western fan demand knowing the game wasn’t gonna sell anyway, then why in the name of shitty western design can’t a couple of western “artists” from Playstation’s backdrop of their most overrated “platformers” acknowledge their own criticisms without resorting to some half-assed proclamation of “waiting to play the game”? Is that not backwards!? A WESTERN company refusing to cater to their WESTERN fans while a JAPANESE company caters to WESTERN fans!

I must be living in the goddamn twilight zone!