Mirror of Fate. Konami is officially on my shit list.

Yes, look away my dear. It is that harrowing!

Upon purchasing Mirror of Fate for mi Bread Slice, I was almost completely aware of how this game was not going to be anything like the Castlevania I know and love, but just like retards at Stadium, I figured I could “adjust to change”. Now a week later and I do so wish I could go back in time and slap the hell out of myself.

OHHHHH the bullshit this game weaves is oh so intricate. Much worse than I imagined. I figured this was gonna be some wannabe IGAvania with Quick Time Events and crappy combat. No, it’s all that plus a bag of peanuts.

You start the game off as Gabriel fighting random monsters in cinematic bullshit pacing, and right off the bat, the first problem comes up. The game runs like ass. It goes for about the same amount of frames as does Ocarina of Time for the N64. It is that slow, and makes the game look ancient in comparison. Secondly, as I’ve covered earlier, these fucks mandate you use the damn thumb tac. After playing Shinobi and what not, trying to play a 2D game with a 3D input device was a no go. It feels so awkward, it’s like I literally have to look down at my thumb to check if I’m pressing directly left or right. And I’m serious, if it is not a straight line you’re pressing in, the shmuck will not move. He will sit his ass there waiting for a better response.

Anywho, after the tripe combat, you get to the story bits of how “Gabriel will become Dracula so the Brotherhood must hide his son from him”. So then we go to… Simon Belmont!?

Yeah, the game doesn’t really follow the game in order of events. You play from the present time and jump into the past when necessary. This is a shitty way to do a plot as it almost ensures how unsatisfying the conclusion will be when you can easily guess what happens in the story.

So anyway, Simon’s character is actually hilarious and is probably one of the few saving graces of this entire game. Nevermind the fact that he looks like some roided up Scottish drunkard that the Castlevania fans grow moist over just because it reminds them of the Barbarian look of the pre-SOTN games. But he’s funny, so that helps.

It starts off pretty decently with a good majority of this campaign being nothing but straight up action. Even has a few subweapons which are useless. Considering that subweapons barely even work against most enemies combined with the range of the whip being the size of an anaconda. Instead, you’re more dependent on 2 magic thingy’s called spirits. You have the Spirit of Belnades which grants you invincibility (also known as “cute shit 1”) as well as the Spirit of Schneider which attacks enemies that are close by (also known as “cute shit 2”).

Early on, however, you find out how nonsensical the game is about it’s inventory spoiler. There are these red glowing hook points that indicate you latch onto them with your whip… if you had the right one. You need the Combat Cross to even use the points. So ok, w/e, just move on. You won’t get the damn cross until halfway through the campaign either way. Despite that, you will start finding a million of those red points taunting you as you make your way through the damn castle. By the time you find the cross, you’ll be sick to death of them. They’re all over the goddamn place! Hook points! WE HAVE HOOK POINTS FOR DAYZ!

So after a while, you get to the “Toy Maker’s domain”, a character that never really appears in this game…  at all. He appears in LOS2, but is a minor character. Nice job Mercury Steaming Pile, you have this whole area building up this fat mother fucker like he all important and shit… anywho, here, you actually get trapped fighting puppets. The goal? Kill all puppets? Actually no, you just have to wait it out until the trap is opened again. Sucks for you. After the trap is… untrapped, you get a nice little cutscene showing Alucard running away, and Simon getting pissed off again. Can’t blame him, the whole event was stupid.

Then we FINALLY get the Combat Cross after miles and miles of *yoink* YOU BITCH! Instead, some necromancer snatches it from Simon’s hands and now you have to fight for it. Tedious boss fight but w/e, we NOW finally have the Combat Cross! And all the Red points become blue points to signify yadda yadda good, now I can climb some shit. I forgot to mention, climbing in this game suuuuuucks. It’s slow, controls like piss, and trying to make the Scottish bastard jump from wall to wall is grating as he has a delay before he can make the leap. Rage is sure to follow if you’ve got steam vents to watch out for. Oh and make sure you really “look before you leap”, because MS went into the psycho “realism” bullshit that now a Belmont can’t jump from a certain height without dying. I died more times from this bullshit because a lot of this game involves leaps of faith (thank you shit camera) because even looking doesn’t give you much info on your surroundings. How the fuck did you replicate all the problems of 3D adventure games… in a 2D game?!

Anyway, after that fuckery, you come to some merry go round filled with heads. Once again, you get trapped behind laser walls and the merry go heads keep spinning around. So now you have an endurance test. And this one was hell. See, you can’t even duck in this game so you have to jump over everything. And these controls are are not suitable for a game like this. You have to really time these jumps due to poor responses, and this goes on for a good 2 minutes or so, combined with the fact that the ride reverses itself, and the laser beams on the walls, floor moving, they really didn’t think of making better controls for these challenges all the while promoting their fucking “Mercury Engine” as you boot up the game. And you’re reward is another lame cutscene.

You know, if I actually gave a damn about these characters, this wouldn’t seem so obnoxious, because you easily figure out that Alucard was in the background saving your sorry ass and that he’s really your father in the form of a vampire, there’s not much to care about. I mean, you just sat here and wasted my damn time on this merry go round for the sake of a story, you’d think they would make it much more enjoyable.

But shortly after that (and I mean shortly), you get up to Dracula’s throne room… but he isn’t there. Instead, you’re in some arabian palace with a flower in the center, and on top of it is bewbs.

Mmmm, demonic bitches.

Of course, knowing Castlevania, that thing was definitely a Succubus in what happens to be a boss fight. I’ll say one thing, the boss fights are least fun in this mug. So after beating her ass, you get to face off against the big D man himself!

After all these years, I thought to myself “FINALLY! A remixed battle between Simon Belmont and Count Dracula once again!” Dis gon B Guud!

NOT! Instead of that, the party is interrupted by Alucard… and this chapter ends.

………What?!

Yeah, really. No fight, it’s literally the end of Act 1… and the beginning of when this game starts to REALLY blow chunks.

Act 2 puts you in control of fangirl favorite, Alucard.

Vampire Fabio. Come and get it ladies!

He sits around complaining about how it wasn’t supposed to be like this or w/e, but proceeds with a makeshift combat cross to take revenge… only to go outside and get his ass whooped by a spider lion.

My, what sparkling whites you have!

So, you have a boss fight you’re not allowed to win, and you’re thrown off a bridge into the water. Oh look, you can breathe under water (note: Simon and Trevor can’t, which makes for some obligatory swimming challenges.) If only I had my trusty Belnades soul. Oh yeah, forgot to mention, you lose fucking everything… except your 2nd combat cross… since you transition to a brand new character (save the “no shit” retorts), but why give me a combat cross if you’re gonna wipe my inventory?

Can’t touch this, I’m gorgeous!

So, you have chapter resets in your abilities. And basically you start off fresh. Anywho, Alucard’s story suuuuuuuuucks. Wanna know why? Less action. Alucard is more about puzzles. Along with that, the boss fights become less fun as you spend more time multi-tasking around specific boss patterns rather than whacking the shit out of em. One boss fight has you using some magnetic rail system to leap over laser beams while trying to destroy machines that keep healing the big bastard. Probably wouldn’t be so irritated if that guy wasn’t so cheap.

Totally not Cornell from LOD

Alucard’s new abilities contain a wolf form that is only good for opening doors (complete with a quick time event so you feel like the wolf form is of some awesome importance. He also has a mist form which is a better dodging move that unfortunately uses up MP just so you can’t abuse it, the fuckers. There’s also a bat projectile that really… REALLY sucks, and a stopwatch that is ultimately worthless aside from one platform puzzle. Alucard is gimped in all combat abilities aside from the combat cross, it’s a wonder he can even fight.

 

But most of your time is spent solving puzzles, 2 of which involve saving Simon’s hairy ass. These devices are very complex(and easy) in that you have to usually guide laser lights to their proper end points, or burn some ropes with some asinine contraption (And no, you have no fire powers either). It’s funny how when it comes time to save Simon the second time, Alucard sighs like “this fool in trouble again”. It’s like the developers were trying to patronize you by saying “yeah, we know doing another puzzle sucks, so lets make the character agree with the players!”.

Sorry kids, But deez… are… the breaks!

After one of the most tedious portions of any game, you FINALLY get to have your precious fight against Dracula. By teaming up with Simon Belmont! This… COULD’VE been a fun fight, but then MS put some gay shit in here where Simon gets mind controlled and sicks Simon on you, basically a trick since Simon is Alucard’s son, what happens is that if you try to attack… at all, Alucard will instead sit there and say random shit like “I don’t want to fight you! No!”.

I….. I couldn’t believe my eyes. The game turned my character into a punk bitch! He cries like the pussy he is if you press any attack button. Instead, you’re supposed to counter a good 3 to 5 of his attacks just to snap him out of it, then you go back to fighting Dracula. And Simon fights like a bitch, he can’t get close to Drac without being knocked on his ass. GREAT JOB OF PROVING WHY YOU’RE THE MOST FAMOUS BELMONT, DIP SHIT! So I just used him as bait to distract Drac. Whipped his ass into submission.

So after the most anti-climatic boss fight in Castlevania history (Beat the Sorrow series in those departments), we get a scene where Alucard places his and on Simon’s cheek in the most incestuously homo way imaginable, and they stare into each other’s eyes uncomfortably, and Alucard leaves.

Dad sucks!

So onward to Act 3. This time you play Alucard’s other half, Trevor Belmont, the father of Simon, years before the first 2 acts took place. This one, while not as horrendous as Alucard’s story, is also quite lame. This time, you perform “cinematic action sequences” and fetch quests. One very notable one is where you have to find dead bodies containing answers to a particular puzzle you have to solve before moving one. Wow, combining 2 of my most hated segments in any game. Not to mention having to scale a giant vertical tower where making one wrong jump can kill you, so basically the game is testing your patience with shitty controls.

I also spotted something iffy. Alucard needed to earn the ability of double jumping… but Trevor has it right off the back. It couldn’t be old age, Vampires don’t age. Ah, w/e. Trevor’s abilities now contain light and dark magic, similar to the Spirits that Simon uses. They’re mostly used for opening specific doors and not really for combat purposes. You also get an upgrade for te Combat Cross which allows you to… basically do the same thing as Alucard’s wolf form. So basically, here you just get new equipment for the same reasons Link does in Zelda games, just to get around. It’s kinda sad. It’s stupid shit like this that makes the excitement of getting new equipment… not exciting because you know you’re going to be doing a lot of backtracking just to get through those areas that you couldn’t get through the first time because you didn’t have so and so tool at the time, no wonder Zelda and Metroid sell like ass without good graphics.

Anywho, after a while of “cinematic boss fights” filled with QTE’s, you come to a big area where you climb, jump, climb some more, and jump some more until you get to a point where the final door cannot open until… you leave the entire area and go through the whole castle again to look for 2 balls.

MS is a troll developer, you think you’re going somewhere, but then you’re sent on a goddamn goose chase! Man, who knew Dracula loved elevators? There’s so many here. Something’s wrong. This series is supposed to take place in the 11th century, where did these elevators come from!?

Praise Amma for teleporters or this segment would’ve driven me batshit. These items are spread so far, mang. You’d think you were playing Mother Goose or some shit.

So after screwing around with looking for nutz, you finally get to fight Dracula… again. Now… this fight is supposed to be “harder” than before because you no longer have live bait but honestly, this fight was just as piss easy as the last. When you get him down to a sliver of health, you go into cinematic bullshit mode with more QTE’s. But it looks epic, you got Trevor and Dracula flying through the air like some DBZ shit. BUT…

Problem, Trevor?

Yeah yeah, I know, it had to happen to explain why Trevor became Alucard, but damn if it isn’t unsatisfying. A final boss fight where you are made to lose.

Trying to summarize this game is more difficult because a lot of it’s material is easily forgettable, and I don’t know who would want to play through a second time for any reason, it’s a one and done deal. There’s also a secrent ending for 100% completion, but it’s only a shot of Simon looking at the Castle crumbling as a sort of “easter egg/cute shit” throwback to the regular endings of……. ALL Castlevania games, really. It’s cheap, it’s unrewarding, and shows that Mecury Steam looks at Nostalgia in a completely superficial context. Dracula recites a line from SOTN for no goddamn reason… TWICE in this series. It comes off as cheap and uninspired.

A lot of this game feels nothing like Castlevania, but they think that by throwing in a few little “nods” (w/e the fuck a nod is supposed to mean to me or any other stupid ass Castlevania fan), they can appease the fans of the series? Piece of shit! This is not Castlevania, and I don’t care how much cute shit you toss into it, it will never be Castlevania.

I don’t get this idiocy with developers who completely revamp a series without consent of the fans and have all the fucking gall to move in and convince people that this is the shit they know and love. Gabriel’s armor being red as a reference to Simon’s red armor from CV2, are you on the yak!? And people actually bought that excuse. You’re not gonna look at Gabriel Belmont and think Castlevania 2! Nobody likes Castlevania 2 to give a shit about some 2 bit easter egg that no one would get.

To calm myself down from rage, I found Lament of Innocence over PSN, DL’d it…. THIS GAME WAS THE SHIT! This is REAL Castlevania! You got REAL boss fights that consist of merely whacking the fuckers and dodging their attacks, not doing some contrived “multitasking strategy” bullshit like “counter attacks 3 times to get to the next part” or any dingy involving QTEs. Sure, there’s a few fetch quests and back tracking, but I’ll take anyone’s bullshit over Konami’s new “revisionary series”.

I’ve been playing Castlevania games up the arse. From Bloodlines to SOTN, all the GBA/DS games, it’s real sad how fucked this series got after Harmony of Dissonence. It turned into animu creampuff BS along with having a Pachinko game with titties.

And then we get to overcompensation with some “me too” God of War crap about a guy who cries about his dead wife but has a plan to resurrect her body before she starts to smell. Then it turns into some goth hot topic “underworld” looking shit for the sequel with so much over the top cinematics and more injected testosterone (Satan got roided up), all of it gets overshadowed by Dracula having family issues.

NUUUUUUUUU!

Turning Castlevania into a game about religion, and then into some retarded shit about New World Order in some last minute attempt to one up Ninja Theory’s fuck up with Devil May Cry. Why? Apparently the director had his head so far up his ass according to his “underlings”.

Alright, everyone who complained about Konami. I concede. Fuck Konami. For destroying the ONLY shit I cared about from them… and maybe ruining Metal Gear, idk, I don’t play that shit outside of Rising. IGA was the man. Yeah he cocked up with DOS, POR, and HD, but he knew how to make a competent game (most of the time). So chock full of secrets that you desperately wanted to dig deeper into. Not to mention making it so combat wasn’t a chore like the stiff controlling NES games. MS goes right back to stiff ass controls for this piece of shit. And all with the Thumb tac, no less!

But, they say this is it for the crappy LOS series, so I don’t know what Castlevania will be like in the future. Maybe they’ll kill it off and continue whoring out Metal Gear for all it’s milk.

E3 is over

And for the most part, there’s only one game that I’m looking forward to, and you can all guess what it is.

Of course, for everyone else, E3 is yet again ass. For no specific reasons, but if I had to hazard a guess, most games coming out look no different than last generations.

More shooters? Check

More Grim Adventure games trying to be like Ass Creed? Check

More Nintendo Stupidity? Check

I’ve noticed far more dissappointment this E3 than ever before. As for me, I’ve actually been a little more than anticipating something.

Obviously, Mortal Kombat X is on my list of shit to buy next year. As a person who isn’t a “real” MK fan, the irony is overwhelming. While there’s 2 shitty new characters and no hope for Sub Zero not to suck, the prospects of a much smoother sequel is promising. I’m one of the few people looking forward to this variant shit. I’m sure something like that would turn people off though as you’d have to learn how to counter 3 different versions of the same character, so it’s bound to make more disorientating match ups. But in a way, it’s kinda cool.

I am PISSED at the prospects of micromanagement, though. The run feature should’ve never returned, and for a guy who talks about wanting to move on from the past, he sure is willing to bring it back when no one wants it. Not to mention all the arbitrary restrictions on what you can do. Using up meter to backdash is retarded. I don’t mind the interactables being limited, but backdashing shouldn’t at all be used by meter. It’s a basic evasive function that serves no other purpose than to quickly get away from your opponent, there’s nothing game breaking about it that would mandate such a bullshit change. The fact that the game has a Stamina system pisses me off to the ultimate pisstivity. Who thought that was a good idea? More and more, I’m starting to see how amateurish Netherrealm Studios are with their games. Injustice was bad enough.

It’s odd how the dumbest looking Nintendo game is one of the few that actually looks… promising? I don’t even know what the hell you’re supposed to do in this game, it looks like you’re trying to cover the field in as much of your team’s Nickolodean slime before time runs out. It;s like Reversi Battle in Bomberman Generations, or you just shoot each other’s brains out. W/e the case is, it looks… uh, kinda fun? I’d honestly rather have another Custom Robo game, but w/e. Anything is better than another Pikmin.

Probably the best step for the Zelda series for no other reason than to get away from the puzzle monstrosities of Aonuma’s cartoon faggotry. We have quite a few Zelda characters going into can of whoop ass mode, destroying legions of Skyward Sword enemies as if by some apologetic notion of awarding Zelda fans the chance to take out their frustration on Aonuma’s horrid direction of the series. And dammit, I like me some Koei Warrior shit. Not to mention we finally get another Zelda villain with bewbs and a raging hard on for Link. Er… scratch that.

I’m actually glad Midna got into this game, but is also pissed that she isn’t in her belly dancer form. And who the hell is that white-haired chick in the back of the poster!? And I’m still pissed that Impa is bleached. And GANON is back! Woot!

I’m pretty sure that once the main campaign is over, however, that the game will start to devolve into endless grinds for more characters, stages, weapons and animals. It’s something of a curse for Koei’s games as of late as everything turns into a mindless grind fest for more shit. And hell, Zelda games have had a bad habit of grinding themselves, Koei’s bullshit fits right in. And this will be a pointless hope, but Koei really should cut back on the Puke Rock music. DW8’s soundtrack is bland as shit. Course, Zelda also has trash music after Link’s Awakening.

I didn’t start playing Guilty Gear until I found a copy on Wii, but damn, that was some good shit. Since this is just an update of every other GG they’ve made, it’s the only one I’ve bothered playing. Seeing as Xrd will be cutting characters (*sniff*… Jam) aside from the “unique” fucks (since Japan is all about unique playstyles now), I’m on high alert. Luckily, most of the people I use anyway are still in (Millia, Chipp, Venom). And dat theme song, mmmmmmmmm MMMM! Bring this shit the fuck on, mang!

More fighting games, yeah. Take note that I’ve also… only recently played Persona Arena. I don’t have much thoughts on this. I just want more characters cause this piddly ass roster wasn’t cutting it. I mean damn, it was so small, man! It might as well have been SF2. Not to mention 2 of them being clones. Call me spoiled, but so many fighters this generation had more than 10 characters tops, I was expecting something bigger. Ah well, the first fighters of any series usually is small in roster, even Blazblue’s shitty roster started at 10.

I probably shouldn’t concern myself with the latter 2 games as I don’;t plan on buying Nintendo’s crap console in the future, so all I really have to look forward to is Mortal Kombat X, and that could go either way. Scalebound is definitely a no buy considering it’s exclusive to Microshit.

There was some shit about Ratchet and Clank 1 getting a PS4 remake that cures my insomnia, but I’m seeing that movie. Kirby’s Rainbow Curse is fucking clay (it rhymes, so it fits), Star Fox will be ruined further, Nintendo has a “Captain Toad” game that terrifies me, XSEED is publishing games with titties, Capcom as always has nothing to be excited about (except a piddly reskinned Cammy with some Marvel Super Hero mask, I guess), Namco keeps making licensed anime games, EA keeps making sports games, and everything else is crap. Obviously Sonic Boom was going to be ass.

So with that, E3 is over in a flash. Mass dissappointment for anyone not a Nintard. The only question I ask is…. why the graceful hell is Sega making another Aliens game!?

Aside from these 5 titles, E3 showed nothing of promise to me. It just seems to be a display of safe sequels and Nintendo’s stupidity. Not

Well, Capcom is fucked.

(random thoughts: Great, so they ARE exporting Sonic Boom to the Japanese under the name of “Sonic Toon“. LOL)

Gloom and doom.

I’m beginning to ponder exactly just how many people Capcom have severely pissed off in the last couple of years. Everyone seems to be looking at this bit of news in “joyous movement” or passive “oh well”. Course, you could put me in the latter.

Out of all companies, I’m also in the camp of saying Nintendo could benefit greatly from buying up Capcom considering having exclusive rights to 3 of their popular franchises (Street Fighter, Monster Hunter, Resident Evil) would boost the fuck out of their Pii U….. ok, I can’t lie like that, people would commit mass suicide if that were to ever happen. But, they’re the only ones who have the capital to do so. Hope they can deal with buying their debt as well.

But that would be horrible news if they did. I don’t think anyone wants Nintendo in their current state to buy any developer with a modicum of talent. ….. though in this case, buying Capcom would keep those blood suckers from tainting Sega any further. Hmm…

Well, they did say “sacrifices have to be made”. 😛 …….But Mega Man X will no longer exist O_O. And worst yet… no sequel to this.

Oh that glorious ass…

Translation = The way the game is MEANT to be played!

By the balls of Ra, this argument returns!

As a designer, your job isn’t to be a control freak and force things on the player. It’s to create something that allows the player to have fun. House rules are not a bad thing.

Remember the days of Smash Bros. Melee when the competitive scene started to discover the “wonders of wave dashing”? Of course you do, everyone played Smash Bros. at least once in their life to get to know the asshole competitive scene running amok on Smash Boards. Everyone who has dealt with them has come to this particular mindset of “PLAY THE GAME THE WAY IT WAS MEANT TO BE PLAYED!”. I’m assuming most are aware of the “completely unnecessary rules” set by smash players when concerning their tournaments in which items are completely banned as well as certain stages. At most, you would only find people playing on Final Destination.  The attitude against the competitive scene was overwhelmingly negative, you could find so many youtube videos and rant blogs decrying their ways. Their motto was “learn how to deal with situations in a game”. Of course, this kind of mentality was echoed by Nintendo and Sakurai themselves, and thus we get….

POISON! This game with drastically altered physics made players more dependent on items than ever before, and the game was still an unbalanced turd.

But aside from the that, It’s always been in gamer’s nature to level the playing field to his or her own distinct advantages. People don’t want to feel powerless, so they tend to destroy that which reduces their power. If given the option to do so, damn sure they will use it.

As the designer, the question you should ask is why would you give a damn? Your job is to deliver customer satisfaction regardless, not be a dictator of how a game should be played. Let w/e competitive scene exists deal with balancing issues. I tire of the new fad of game developers wanting to co-opt the pathetic competitive scenes of their respective fighters, as if they wish to be seen as some sort of expert on peerless fighting game design. I blame this on Capcom as they’ve become the mascots of EVO where the Eventhoes ride them like rodeo shows. Why a developer would care about a “competitive scene” is mind boggling. The goal should be to attract as many people to your game, not cater exclusively to the TF’s.

The fool who wrote this advocates dictatorial game design on the grounds that it won’t divide the player base. In a bitter taste of irony, he is siding with those that would be deemed “scrubs” by Smash players for advocating the removal of the option to turn off items. As if player preference was ever evil!

Items are an integral part of balancing Smash Bros characters, kind of a global move-set that homogenizes the characters. Take items out and you end up with the current Smash Bros competitive scene, which is playable with only 8 of the 26 characters on 5 of the 29 stages.

Anyone who’s played Melee knows this is bullshit. Even with items set on, a good Shiek would still decimate a good Bowser. Speed plays a much bigger role in advantages than items, and the slower characters tend to get shafted (sans Ganon). Items really do nothing more than add randomization to matches, which can be upsetting to people who were playing well vs those getting the taste smacked out of them. They don’t balance out characters. At all. What they really do is screw up the players themselves. I don’t know about Team Fortress or Beer Pong.

But if I had it my way, I would turn off that fucking Ultra Combo shit in SF4. If I’m doing the ass kicking, the guy’s who’s ass is getting kicked should NOT be fucking rewarded! But that would be evil because it would fragment the player base. I don’t give a fuck about the other player’s, I know that shit would piss me off and I want it the fuck removed!

You know what other options we could remove? Customizing Controls! Yeah! Lets play shit like Castlevania Mirror of Fate on the Bread Slice and get stuck using the thumb tac of a flat analog for all movement while the D-Pad is used for inventory access… and have the audacity to have a DOUBLE TAP MOTION on the thumb tac… to RUN! Thumb tac feels like shit to control in 2D (as do all analogs) and they want me to use that to do what!? Double tap.. to run! And I can’t change that!

Fuck you, Heru! It’s the way the game was meant to be played!

For reference, David Sirlin is cited. For those who don’t know, he’s a competitive Street Fighter player/colossal douche bag who wrote a pretentious book called “Playing to Win” that thinks the reader is a borderline retarded shithead who doesn’t know what a “throw” is, and practically made the “scrub” term infamous. Nevermind that David Sirlin isn’t even a good game designer to begin with (who’s resume only contains tinkering with SF2HD and Super Puzzle Fighter, several game ports and possibly Sonic Rivals) making it a bit of an oxymoron to apply his theories to the concept of video game options being “evil”. Essentially, the “scrub mentality of grafting rules into a game for their own benefit” IE “stop using fireballs, you cheap spammer”, that kind of shit. But, if a game allows you to generate your own rules for specific match ups (no items or w/e), there is no scrub mentality going on. The game designer is allowing the player to call the shots. IE, there is no mental grafting of rules going on, the rules are allowed to be generated. As such, Sirlin’s definition doesn’t apply.

The idea that because items and “seeking arrows” were included, they are integral to the game overall. If the game can be played without those specific features, it shows how versatile the game is overall. Items, specific powers, or w/e are simply there to provide extra advantages. You don’t need sub weapons in Castlevania, but they give you a bigger advantage than without. You don’t need to use Robot Master Weapons in Mega Man, but damn sure you’d have an easier (and shorter) time fighting bosses and enemies. What does a seeking arrow do? Gives the player a slight advantage in killing his/her opponents. That doesn’t make it an integral element to the game, it just gives you advantages. Just like items in Smash Bros. Items only give you slight advantages. As such, they really aren’t integral to the game overall if you have the ability to still defeat your opponent.

This isn’t me advocating the removal of advantages in games overall (who the fuck wants that!?), this is simply an explanation of how game options are no more harmful than justifying game features. No game feature is needed in a game. Then again, video games aren’t needed for entertainment purposes as there are probably better venues of entertainment now than they were back then. All games and their features are something to be DESIRED by players. If you needed seeking arrows to kill opponents period, the game is automatically bad for including the option, because then there would be no point to it. If items were needed to score kills in Smash Bros. then the option itself is worthless and a complete oversight. If items are infact needed to balance out Smash Bros., it’s more than enough to declare that game shit. It’s like the mid counter holds in DOA5U being different for punches and kicks, it’s a lousy crutch to be lazy in balancing or diversifying the characters.

Lets put it this way. I played the FUCK out of Shinobi on 3DS… but I didn’t use any of the specific powers they give you. Earth, Fire, Water, Lighting, w/e. Hell, I think you can turn them off via cheats that I haven’t unlocked yet. 😛 Does that make the power ups integral to the game? No. I can beat the game without them. This isn’t to say I want them removed, mind you. But if Shinobi were to have some sort of battle mode and the option to turn those powers off? Would the game’s scene be damaged in anyway, I wouldn’t know. I’d bet the Earth/Thunder Power would be abused. But I doubt people would up and not continue to play the game. A competitive scene is only as good as the game itself. Options that turn on/off specific advantages make no difference. And that’s all players are really pissed off over. Whether or not they should have the option to shut off advantages if they wanted. If you can win without advantages, then there’s no harm in turning them off. You don’t need them. If you suck ass and rely on advantages to get you through the game, then yes you’re going to hate Towerfall or w/e.

When designing a multiplayer game be aware that by providing game options, through nothing more than human nature, you are giving your players the tools they need to avoid playing with one another. You are actively working against the virality and social effects you are counting on to cultivate and grow a multiplayer scene. This is the danger of game options.

Game options didn’t stop people from running to Super Smash Bros. Brawl. And considering how much Team Fortress crap I see over the internet, I’m willing to bet options didn’t harm that game either. There’s nothing stopping a multiplayer scene from growing except having a shitty or boring game, period. Virtua Fighter has no scene, but also has very few game options, if that means anything. If anything, punishing people for wanting to take out items did more harm to Smash Bros. than anything else. It’s so odd how no one even cares about Smash 4 after Brawl shat the money bed.

If there was anything that was harmful to a multiplayer scene, it would be hardcore competitive gamers who think they are the bastions of good game design “theory” while at the same time causing other players to run away from their narcissism. Competitive types don’t think about growing any scene but to merely “weed out” players that don’t fit into their paradigm. The problem, of course, is that much more recently, game designers (especially Namco) are catering to their whims. Thinking only of the competitive scene made the majority of SNK fighters shit for anyone that isn’t Brazilian. Thinking of the competitive scene nearly killed Tekken, even. It damn sure killed Soul Calibur.

It’s kinda sad how there’s only one detractor in that entire comments section, and everyone is up his ass instead. What’s this bullshit about Ubisoft having “women’s trouble”?

Negativity (honestly had no good title for this one)

Man, I am so fucking stoked for Mortal Kombat X, you don’t know! It’s got smoother gameplay, it’s got these variants that look tight (hopefully Sub-Zero has one where he doesn’t suck for once), it’s got Kotal Khan lookin like Star Platinum from Jojo’s Bizarre Adventure mang, and the run… button? From MK3?

Those moments of interacting with the environment are limited by a small stamina meter below each fighter’s health bar, which has been designed to limit overuse of those moves.

What!?

the stamina meter is a new addition to Mortal Kombat X that does a few specific things. As I mentioned earlier, it restricts how frequently you can use background objects. The meter is divided into two sections, and using an object drains one of the sections.

No!

Back dashing also drains one of the sections.

Please!

Running forward–another new mechanic–drains the stamina meter, but at a slow rate.

Why are you doing this!?

the team is experimenting with letting players use stamina to perform throw canceling.

WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY! OH THE INHUMANITY!

Micromanagement!? In Mortal Kombat!? Fuck that shit son! Boon! Don’t fuck it up! I was starting to like this series! I feel like Leo Dicaprio in the Wolf of Wallstreet when he screamed “GODDAMMIT!!!” Is Boon catering to Eventhubs or SRK? I don’t even know anymore, it just seems like anytime a developer thinks about competitive balance, it’s mostly to appease the “maniac players”. Anything put into a game to “reduce abuse” is mostly dictating how the players play. And amazingly enough, despite how stupid the FGC can be, they HATE being hindered in how they get to play a game. Amazingly enough, that stopped the Smash community from bowing to the whims of Nintendo when they pulled that shit with Brawl, changing all the mechanics to keep the “maniacs” from enjoying it, killing the enjoyment for everyone in the long run. All Boon had to do was make interactables blockable (which they did anyway!). Now the team is making them absolutely pointless in the long run. Not that I care about interactables as they were just “lol” type shit anyway, but back dashing!? There’s fucking meter burning from back dashing!? You’re fucking serious!?

It’s a curse, isn’t it!? Every time I like something, the sequel is bound to blow chunks!

In the words of a Zafford: “Piss in me eyes!!” You know what’s sad though, I’d still buy the damn shit.

Oh right, this was supposed to be about that pasty tea bag from Sega.

*Sigh*… it speaks for itself, I might as well not even comment. Fortunately, someone else had a sip of “REAL TALK” coffee.

Yeaaaaaaaaah, FUCK BOOM! Oh 1:50 cameo!

How awesome was that!? It’s like these guys come in with their zany ideas, and when people start to reject them after quote “years and hours of politics and ego”, they start going on the defensive, rationalizing everything from the designs to mechanics. Instead of learning how to actually sell people on a game, they tell people to play the waiting game instead.

It’s really funny when people go out of their way to shun all criticism as some form of “negativity”. That’s beautiful. To be labeled a negative nancy is a compliment than to be labeled some self-righteous jackass who goes around telling people to swallow any kind of shit when people pop off at the mouth about how much work was put into something. If the world honestly gave a damn about how much work one puts into something, I’d probably be writing hollywood movies right about now. People care only about their own self interests. If your “hard work” benefits them in some tangible way, then they will care.

BRB’s problem is that they’re so caught up in trying to be “different” rather than beneficial. You can’t get anymore pretentious than that. But their trailer for the game spoke volumes within the first few seconds of announcing that Robotnik wasn’t the true villain! Robotnik hasn’t been the main villain since 98. The real antagonist of Sonic Colors was the script. I ask what the point was in needing to point out Robotnik being sidelined in favor of tree snake. Not to inform the public that Robotnik isn’t the real villain (it’s no surprise to anyone), but to make it known that it is “different”.

This desire to be different is a curse among western developers, it seems. At this point, western developers have been dominating game development, and it seems to be going to their heads. Now we have DmC’s and LOS’s running about with all these “different visions” that aren’t at all in line with the fan’s tastes, but are all desires to be different. Why does it exist? Most would say because these franchises are given to people who don’t really give a fuck about said franchise. And this almost always seems to be the case in the showbiz. Like Transformers being given to a guy who openly despises Transformers (I wonder how that douche feels about TMNT *shudders*)

Seems to be in European nature to make everything “in their own image“. In an unfortunate twist as Japanese games are falling out of favor on a global scale, they have the perfect justification. I curse my naivety in hoping a western developer could turn this franchise around, but I grossly underestimated the arrogance of the western industry on a whole. With the possible exception of Retro Studios (The real one, not that Bungee hybrid shit from 2004 and up), I can’t think of one westernized series that has kept the spirit of the series they worked on.

Then again, the western industries are destroying their own series (Iron Man was turned into a high school kid, teen titans is a full-blown comedy series), I guess western entertainment is self-destructive. It shouldn’t be destructive to Sonic as it’s western influences contributed greatly to it’s fame, and created legions of copy cats along the way. This is, instead, an exxageration of “western influence” due to one franchise that has nothing to do with anthro animals (Uncharted).

Still, I can’t help but feel it’s more the fault of trying to create a toy franchise. Merchandise driving begets mediocrity. Look at that Pac Man show. Now he’s a highschool student with a tapeworm! I thought Japan was obsessed with youth. And I swear, that show had a talking carrot with athletic gear on. It seems like all of Japan’s sectors are going ful frontal merchandise. Nintendo with their AB cards and figurines, Namco with their stupid Pac Man and card battle Soul Calibur, and Sega with their cashing in on Hatsune Miku and animu fighters.

The question is why can’t merchandise driven crap have the quality of Transformers, GI Joe and the like? The economy? Decent writers can’t possibly be expensive (then again, there IS a union :P). W/e the case may be, the low quality of the game will have consistency with the low quality of the show, and nothing BRB does will change that even if they were talented. What really concerns me is why Sonic fans are so easily convinced by this company that anything they say and do is fact? Do they know anything about the nature of entertainment? Or is their circle of entertainment so limited to children’s media that they openly accept even the worst offenders (Like MLP) and question absolutely nothing about why Sonic takes turns into what they do? Perhaps that is why Sega keeps making childish games, their only audience is so goddamned infantile, they’re easily fooled that something present at E3 is merely an alpha demo 5 months from a release date.

Happy Father’s Day, bitches. Please don’t fuck up MKX, Boon.

 

Kotal Khan is definitely related to Shao Khan.

So I had this dream last night after watching the squick fested trailer, it was about Scorpion getting fatalitied via in some hospital bed where he’s pregnant. Yeah, he gives birth to a demon baby, Nightmare on Elm Street Style, and then the little fucker crawls over him, blood all over the sheets, and it starts mauling his neck. Yep, I am one fucked up person.

Anywho, loads of new videos that I’m too lazy to post (except this)

because yeah, you all needed to see that overrated (OOPS) fucker get ripped to shreds. Yeah, FUCK SCORPION!

Cassie Cage needs more work on her model and animations, and Kotal Khan is goddamned awesome.

What’s really interesting though is that Kotal Khan has a similar animation to Shao Khan (throwing a javelin at his opponents). That combined with the name definitely confirms a relation to the Emperor of Outworld. Ferratorr is still shit, D’vorah’s X-Ray is painful to look at, and the journalists at E3 sound like irritating college kids when they talk about this game. I really want to know why everyone is in love with Ferratorr, though. I don’t see the appeal.

Kinda funny how no one wants to do Scorpion’s fatality in any of these vids. 😛 This game is looking much better as the vids keep pouring in, but it would be much better if there wasn’t any jackass commentary. I’m also hoping one of Sub-Zero’s “variants” (isms) makes it so he can put up a fight without relying too much on his turtle freeze powers. Scorpion keeps getting all these slick ass moves and Subby is still stuck charging up his ice traps and stupid snowballs. As long as Boon’s favorite fuck buddy has that goddamn fast ass teleport, Subby ain’t standin no chance.

What I hope doesn’t happen is that the variants would become the expies for certain characters. I see Cassie has some of Sektor’s moves (missiles raining down on the opponent, that kind of shit) and it seems D’vorah has one of Kitana’s moves (fan levitation).

But man, did this game just show how clinically insane the hardcore are. People are running around spittin how it was a bad move to make the game “cross generation” because the graphics are not up to their insane standards, saying that being on PS3 and 360 was just “holding it back”. I mean goddamn, you’d really want to deny mother fuckers that don’t have a BS4 or an Xbone the opportunity to play this game because of it’s goddamn graphics!? How much better does it need to look!? It’s absolutely incredible just how obnoxious the internet gaming communities can be over graphics alone.

*sigh* 2015 is gonna be a long wait. How odd, I never imagined myself being excited over any game at E3 after 2006. And of all things, it’s for Mortal fucking Kombat.

Also, this might be my final post before I move so don’t be surprised if nothing else is posted in about 3-5 months, not that anyone gives a damn, but yah know. On the bright side, you won’t have to hear me piss and moan about Sonic Doom anymore. 😛

Trailers of Doom

Yep… this game looks lame. Even the speed segments don’t look half as fun as they originally appeared (maybe because they look too samey?)

I like how this trailer displays how desperate BRB is to distance this game from the other Sonic games by pointing out that Robotnik isn’t the primary antagonist (Like Shadow the Hedgehog and Sonic 06… and Sonic Heroes. Not to mention how extra lame the combat is.

Yep… this show looks lame. I recoil at Knuckles being a typical “I R COOLER THAN MAIN CHARACTER” cliche.

“Evil ham“, really? I miss the days when Robotnik wasn’t some solo Team Rocket parody. Dean Bristow must be rolling in his grave.

What’s with this sudden development of Robotnik making failed technology, btw? A character with an IQ of w/e hundred oh why bother bitching, some asshole will turn up to scream “DIFFERENT UNIVERSE” even though Iizuka is supposed to make sure there’s slight continuity between this piece of shit and his Retard Sonic.

 

 

 

Mortal Kombat X… looks like Injustice?

You know, if I didn’t see Temple of Doom when I was child, I wouldn’t be nauseous looking at Scorpion’s Fatality. Fuck Scorpion.

I’m getting loads of Injustice vibes which, to me, isn’t a good thing. Injustice played like shit in a lot of ways, and 2 of the new characters revealed also look as though they came out Injustice. I mean, Ferrator’s animations are so “Bane”, dude.

I’m also concerned about a later announcement of Cassie Cage, Johnny and Sonya’s daughter. I don’t care that it’s another “new generation” of fighters thing, but man if that don’t confirm that some characters are getting dropped. I WANT MY JAX MANG! KUNG LAO! RASTAFARIAN CYRAX!  If them fighters ain’t in, I’m gonna be pissed. And I hope no one uses the “story” of 9 to justify character exclusions considering Sub-Zero is still there.

Still, the game looks nice, if not a tad more excessive in the fatality department. There also seems to be some “isms/grooves” in this game where player’s fighting styles are altered depending on 1 of 3 different skill sets you choose. Something I welcome as long as the changes aren’t minimal like Crapcom’s isms.

What I really find funny is that everyone thought the first trailer was actual gameplay and is now pissed at actual footage. A blind dog could tell you that was CGI.

You know what’s even funnier? I start talking about Pac Man and all of a sudden, he’s popping up in fucking Smash Bros. Yeah yeah, I know, Namco, the people who messed up Star Fox…

EDIT: : Here’s another vid.

 

Zelda is Open World.

Ok, after Aonuma’s blah blah, here’s a cool segment where Link has some bow and arrow shit. But man, why keep using cel-shading!?

I don’t get this desire to turn Zelda into a cartoon, it’s like this whole industry is going nuts for Cartoons these days. Pacman, Sonic, and especially Nintendo.

They spend all this time talking about it’s open world status, i’m like “does it have the ass kicking?”. The spider/octorok fight looked cool, but this cartoon shit needs to be dropped.

 

STAR FOX IS ALIVE!

…..I hope!

Along with some open world Zelda game that I’m positive Aonuma will fuck up anyway, it seems Nintendo is set on bringing Star Fox back from the dead. Yeah, fuck Miyamoto.

In his new version of Star Fox — still fundamentally a spaceship-based shooter — players now use the GamePad’s motion controls to aim and fire the Arwing’s weapons, simultaneously controlling the nimble craft itself by thumbing the joysticks to accelerate or turn and pull off signature moves like barrel rolls, loops and the tactically essential Immelman turn. And you can still morph your Arwing into a land tank, rocketing down to the surface of a planet, then rattling around the battlefield and laying waste to the landscape.

…uhhhhh…. what?

So you use both motion controls and joysticks to… aim and shoot… and turn and barrel roll?

Wait… a new vehicle mode to “exemplify motion controls”.

………NEVERMIND! Star Fox is still dead. Move on with your lives, kiddos.

And then there’s a “Yoshi Wooly World”. That Yarn Yoshi shit they didn’t bother to show again for a while? And Bayonetta has more Nintendo costumes for Nintendo’s own faux-imperialistic vanity once more. JOY!

Damn, they got me all excited, and they plan to fuck up Star Fox with ingenious motion controls. Yuck, yuck, and more eww.