Archive for June, 2013

You know, growing up, Nintendo was never put on a pedestal so high that people wouldn’t dare let anyone criticize them. It seemed like people in the 90s just had better sense than to treat a corporation as some god-like entity (unlike nowadays where corporations have free reign to butt-fuck you any chance they get).

At the same time, the only thing people knew about Nintendo was Super Mario Bros., Zelda, Rareware, and Pokemon. Half the time, people didn’t even think Starfox or F-Zero X were made by Nintendo. Metroid didn’t exist to people until Super Smash Bros. came out. “What the fuck was Earthbound”, everyone would ask.

It’s like thanks to Super Smash Bros., everyone is a bonified expert on everything Nintendo. It doesn’t help that Nintendo has been slowly turning Smash bros from a fighting game standard series to that of a history class even though people really don’t care about Nintendo’s “history”. It seems like more and more, Nintendo is obsessed with the idea of “teaching” their fans what games these characters all came from. But looking at the sales of Fire Emblem and F-Zero, no one gives a fuck where they came from. To fans of Smash Bros., the game itself is just fun. Learning or knowing the origins of where these references come from are not at all a priority to these people.

Yet, every game Nintendo has made… was some sort of greatness? I feel as though I’m trapped in some bizarro universe where Nintendo fans have foregone their capacity of “good taste” in favor of supporting a company out of spite for Sony’s Playstation brand kicking Nintendo’s asses for 2 generations straight. And it doesn’t help that Metacritic is enabling the brattier Nintard side to go on some killing spree over the internet trying to disprove a person’s “criticisms”. The amount of times I’ve been told that I was wrong about Epic Yarn or Skyward Sword due to the praise of these games on Metacritic is astronomical. As if the quality of these games are determined by the scores they received over the internet. Quality is defined by how much of an impact it has on a market. And believe me when I say Nintendo often leaves without so much as a spark.

If Super Mario 64 was so revolutionary, why do people demand more 2D Mario? If Ocarina of Time is so revolutionary, why is the lock on mechanic not used so much for hack n slash games? Why don’t more games try to emulate Modern Zelda’s style? IF Epic Yarn was so fantastic because of a friggin art style, why aren’t more people emulating that art style? If Super Smash Bros. is the best fighting game series, why do people still run to Street Fighter and Mortal Kombat? After all they should be obsolete by now.

Overrated doesn’t even describe Nintendo’s catalog of games. Or even the quality of their games.

I mean, no one gave a fuck about Fire Emblem before Melee (and we still don’t), and I know for sure Metroid wasn’t popular until the N64 (without a game, even). And people rush to Metacritic to prove how great Skyward Sword is?

I’m starting to think Super Smash Bros. and Metacritic are doing a disservice to the cognitive processes of Nintendo fans everywhere. The Nintards are already a lost cause, but the sane fans are in danger of being stupified by the growing desire of Nintendo to turn Smash Bros. into one glorified promotion game. Nintendo fans have this strong misconception that every Nintendo game made and known to mankind has been some kind of hit. And that couldn’t be further from the truth.

I’m probably preaching to the choir, but had it not been for Smash Bros., the majority of Nintendo fans wouldn’t know anything beyond Super Mario, Legend of Zelda, Star Fox 64, Donkey Kong Country, and Pokemon. Kirby, Metroid, Kid Icarus, Fire Emblem, F-Zero, Earthbound, Ice Climber, all that shit would’ve been irrelevant had it not been for this series. I think with the inclusion of Olimar and Toon Link in Brawl, it’s clear that Nintendo doesn’t include characters from franchises that are “successful” or significant. Otherwise, Star Fox characters wouldn’t be included for SSB4. Kirby is obviously in due to being Sakurai’s baby, so to speak.

Video game crossovers have never been about “the most successful franchises take on each other”. Capcom vs Snk should be indicative of that. Of course, that’s what they SHOULD be about. Your favorite characters going against each other. But nowadays, it’s about the most popular going up against the most obscure characters they can find. Who the fuck is Lucas? Seriously? And great work giving us a peripheral device as a character no one cares about.

Nintendo’s desire to turn Smash Bros. into a giant promotion game has been evident since Melee via Roy being used to advertise Fire Emblem for Japanese markets. But with Brawl, Nintendo seemed to want to take advantage of Smash’s popularity and promote characters no one likes such as Captain Olimar or Toon Link. Pikmin is shit and always will be. And no one of importance likes the Toon Zelda games. With SSB4, we have an animal crossing character. No real significance, no real name, just a village idiot. Oh he’ll be popular with the MLP crowd, of course. Nintendo has been VERY obsessed with  Animal Crossing lately. I can’t seem to roam anywhere without some Animal Crossing fangirls running around, Animal Crossing billboards, or any of that sort. Must be successful in Japan which is probably why they’re shoving that BS into Smash.

Kid Icarus has never been popular or even known to exist without Melee’s trophies. Brawl seemed to be “The creators get to put THEIR favorites into the game” while the fans only got one choice (Sonic). Fan input, for the most part, seemed more like an after thought.

Super Smash Bros. was never successful because it was a celebration of Nintendo’s history, but because they were fun games. The idea of taking DK and beating the shit out of Pikachu was a fun idea. You could tell by the simplicity of 64 that the games was never meant to be taken seriously, but was incredibly slapstick. But starting with Brawl, you could just sense with the orchestrated music that the game was going for the pretentious, self-important streak with Pit being used as some sort of “Jesus symbol” mascot for the game. Nintendo wasn’t focused on making a fun and entertaining game, they were focused on promotion above all else. The DS chat stage reeks with pretentious self-promotion. And the tactic seems to be working with everyone believing everyone of these franchise showcases were all games of successful origin. What the hell is Hanenbow!? Does anyone even care?

Metacritic has been cited as a “credible” source on the “quality” of video games. So much so that they’re now used as the appeal to authority in order to defend or debash video games and entertainment. You cannot shit talk Skyward Sword because it has an MC score of 9000. Metacritic has been very lenient when it comes to Nintendo’s worst, and the Nintards desperately use that to justify their insane love for Nintendo games, but show them NSMB, they go “AHHHHHHHH!”! Like giving garlic to a vampire or something. Metacritic and Smash Bros. fit nicely into a vacuum of unwarranted self-importance.

When people think of Smash Bros., people talk more about what characters they want in the next games. But when the new rosters are revealed, instead of raising hell, people go into justificognition mode and try to prove why all these characters “deserve” to get in.

ROB “deserves” to get in because of boosted sales to the NES.

Olimar “deserves” to get in because Pikmin is “such a great brand” and a so-called popular IP from the gamecube era.

Toon Link “deserves” to get in because Wind Waker proved you can have a shitty art style and still be successful (a blatant lie considering the inverse happened).

Game & Watch “deserves” to be in because of reference to Gunpei Yokoi who created the gameboy brand (We have Samus, that’s enough for us).

Ice Climbers “deserve” to be in because the creators like that game (I don’t give a fuck what they like! What about what I like!?).

Diddy Kong “deserves” to be in because DKC is overrated.

Lucario “deserved” to replace Mewtwo because of a movie making him overrated.

Jigglypuff “deserved” to stay in because we’re supposed to care about what Japan likes.

Ashley doesn’t deserve to get in just because. (Who the fuck is Ashley anyway?)

So what happens is that because of these baseless justifications of why these characters were included, people start thinking that these characters and references are of much higher quality than originally thought. Lucario is a weak pokemon who’s only merit is resistance against psychic types. But because ground types are very popular, he’s fucked. Pikmin is a weak franchise that no one wants. Toon shading is a repulsive style (proven 5 times). No one remembers Nintendo for their wacky peripheral devices, and no one wants them as fucking characters (self-promotion).

I have played a significant number of Nintendo games to know the majority of them aren’t worth the ass-kissing they receive. Rareware especially isn’t perfect. Their games were only good for story and humor. Gameplay was a huge afterthought. And don’t start with me on Golden-Eye. It’s overrated, slow, and easily forgotten in the wake of Halo and Call of Duty. To suggest that every thing (or even a large majority) Nintendo makes are of “high quality” is but a farce greater than the PR for the Xbone. You have to be taken literally… out of your mind. You have to crazy, maladjusted, or obsessed with winning arguments over the internet out of insecurity for the Playstation brand. Metacritic does not mean Skyward Sword is better than God of War.

Why is it that in an age where gamers are starting to distrust reviewers that Nintendo fans are now more than ever dependent on them? Where’s the integrity? Where’s the conviction to standards? I thought going to Nintendo meant having an open-mind, devoid of being led by the masses of critics. And yet, all I see are acts of cowardice.

Success of your home team brand leads to corruption, I suppose.



After E3, all eyes are on Killer Instinct 3 and Super Smash Bros. 4. While the surprise announcement of Sega’s exclusive partnership and “new gameplay ideas” had some folks running around with thoughts, the last few trailers have left more to be desired beyond more information.

Despite it’s new gameplay ideas of a “Parkour system”, no one is really excited for this game. Why is that? A new gameplay twist should be something to look forward to, right?

It’s actually 3 things.

1. No one cares about gameplay innovations.

2. The content is shit.

3. No one has faith in Sonic games anymore after the journalists beat the shit out of Sonic games.

The only people who are supporting this and are still excited are the same fuckwits who think Smash Bros. will boost sales for the Pii U. That’s truly how shallow the game feels. From the enemies to the levels, the game feels like recycled content with no ambition. Iizuka’s interviews are all evident of one thing. Strict focus on trying to find the “perfect gameplay” while making illogical decisions putting in several levels people will get sick of.

The last time people got really hyped up for a Sonic game was Sonic 06. Why? Because people expected a thrilling adventure. Instead of crappy trailers showing off gameplay, we got trailers showing Sonic doing his usual thing with the onset of damn good music. Yes, 06 failed, hard, but people are confused as to why it became a platinum hit for the assballs 360. Because it captivated people and generated interest.

What do you see here? New Mysterious characters, thrilling speeds, a mecha wolf, a strange princess and Robotnik having a moderate redesign. The game was filled with mystery. Something to be explored. The game had ambition. It looked like a grand new beginning for Sonic the Hedgehog. Hell, they even named it so to imply a new beginning. This game had people talking for months.

Compare this to the trailer we have for Lost Mind.

There’s no ambition. 6 ugly monsters terrorize tiny woodland creatures. Here’s Sonic to save the day! And we get a glimpse of new moves that aren’t new at all, but instead reintroduced moves from previous games. Sonic can now run up trees. Joy. Sonic has some weird Sonic Boom attack which came from Sonic Battle, and the homing attack has features of a typical light speed attack from Sonic Adventure 2. Oh and the 3DS version (which looks admittedly but mildly better than the Pii U version) has puzzles. Fucking hell!

This is a Nintendo brand tactic. Recycled content up the ass. Sonic 06 looked new and enticing. Lost Mind looks old and rusted before it could even get a release date.

Sonic Colors enticed people because it looked new and exciting what with new alien powers and the return of incredibly vibrant worlds. Generations was exciting was exciting because it recreated Classic Sonic in a new generation, and seeing Chemical Plant again was awesome, not to mention Stardust Speedway. Sonic Racing Transformed looked exciting because of the titular element of having your vehicle change mid race (while this was already in Zero gravity, that game sucked ass). Sonic 4 Episode 2 looked more enticing than Episode 1 due to more cool looking levels and the return of Tails as a coop characer rather than the all-too familiar episode 1 (techno dreamworld wins again).

There’s nothing enticing about Lost Mind. No ambition, no interesting or appealing content, and a giant focus on “developer goals” such as “achieving 60FPS”.

The same reason people aren’t excited for SSB4 (Barely any discussion beyond “who do you think is gonna get in”) is the same reason people aren’t excited for this game. There’s no new content or ambition. Or a general care of trying to get people interested. It’s like they’re taking fan support for granted. The only thing that was exciting about Lost Mind was the first picture we got of the game. Why?

Because it looked new an exciting. At least for Sonic. It looked like Little Planet from CD. Plus, has there ever been a planet or moon based on hexagonal shapes? But as soon as the trailer came out, all interest was lost. Why? Because it literally looks like a game made exclusively for children.

If there’s one consolation, Sega’s trying to get away from the spectacle curse they’ve had with the series, but now the question remains at what cost? Virtually all appeal that was left in the franchise? The internet swears this game is gonna be the shit, but what do they know? Afterall, they swear Unleashed is a terrible game too. Why? Because of the Werehog.

Why did the Werehog receive so much backlash when no one cared to mention what was wrong with the gameplay beyond feeling like God of War? Afterall, it’s supposedly not wrong for Castlevania to rip off God of War, but for Sonic the Hedgehog it’s a mortal sin. Then again, I forgot Sonic has no appeal so it’s free game to bash the fuck out of it. But lets all be honest with why Werehog gets hated.

Because Werehog looks fucking retarded.

I mean what is that shit!? A reject from the Rampage series!?

This is the only factual reason as to why Werehog was hated. I mean, why else would people claim that “had the Werehog been Knuckles instead, the Night stages would’ve been better!”? I don’t disagree with that statement at all, shit I WANT Knuckles to kick ass, but it’s clear that Sonic fans obviously don’t care about issues surrounding gameplay. They’re probably the most shallow fanbase outside of Graphic whores and Wii bashers. What’s the point of having good or decent gameplay if you don’t look cool doing it? Character design is very important for any medium (something that anime no longer has unless there’s maximum sized titties all over the place). And for a franchise that was about being “cool”, that werehog is anything but.

That said, why the fuck would it be hard to grasp the fact that Sonic fans aren’t at all interested in Lost Mind? It’s so uncool. A level based entirely around food has never been cool. Ever. And that’s currently Lost Mind’s biggest showcase. Levels based around fucking food. That there would be six levels of. That players would get sick of. Which is intentional.

Sonic games need something to reinvigorate interest in the series, but all Sega can seem to think of is recycling content for cute shit like “Oil Ocean Cannon shortcuts”.

1. Shit be expensive!

I’ve learned that I am not wealthy enough to afford such exquisite and classy entertainment known as a video game console. Even the handhelds are well over $200!  Anyone who could afford these devices could crush me with their morbidly obese wallets. My broke ass is unworthy of video games.

And here I thought that in an economy this fucked up, games would be cheaper than a home computer. But woe is me. The economy is not fucked. My job is fucked! Instead of thinking about my own entertainment, I must instead focus on important things like rent and food, especially with my greedy ass roommates whose ass looks like 2 pigs fighting under a blanket. Video games are no longer a priority in my life.

2. Video games are not about video games.

I’ve learned that the hottest thing about gaming is not about the next killer fighting game (KI3), but about irrelevant features such as TV and…TVii. Instead, this new generation of gaming is more so about social media such as playing and recording your progress to share with friends over facebook. More so about how you get to watch TV in more inconvenient ways such as sports programming. Instead of reaching over to pick up a remote and change the channel, you can instead scream at your television like an asshole to change the channel.

I had to stand back in awe of how voice command, something I could only see on tv, is going to be used only for the tv! Only a video game console could provide me of such a glimpse into the future… of entertainment! I’m astounded that the Xbone acts as a personal Pay-Per-View device with it’s necessity of requiring multiple viewers to pony up each per gaming and/or movie viewing pleasure.

Not to mention just… talking about what I’m doing in a video game with screen names over the internet. Instead of a real social gathering where a group of friends could curse and scream at each other while playing games, social media can allow me to filter out profanities and instead view more mature and classy quotes such as “OMG I TOTALLY PWNED TEH BOSS!” It’s so grand to hear about someone else’s accomplishments, just like on Facebook.

3. Nintendo is oblivious.

I’ve learned that Nintendo, whom I once thought was a company that was concerned about your satisfaction, is actually a company dedicated to the evolution of gameplay. Instead of making more interesting worlds and bold new characters, Nintendo instead focuses on the almighty” gameplay”, a factor which never attracted people to video games in the first place! But this is a bold new venture to evolution! Perhaps the reason the hardcore are so attracted to Nintendo is because of their desire to “evolve” gameplay by using strange contraptions and gadgets, things that might hamper or disorientate your ability to actually play the game and thus alienate  your desire to continue playing. But then, I would not be able to appreciate the surprising value of hard work that went into the product, even if I want to shit on it. Liking something is not the reason I should invest in Nintendo. It is only to witness the evolution of old content via gameplay exclusively. This mentality even creeped it’s way into Sega’s house of developers if Sonic’s Lost Mind is a clue.

But ultimately, I’ve learned that video games suck now because developers don’t care about video games. They set goals for themselves to create technological and gameplay achievements instead of the one goal they should always stick to. Achieving customer satisfaction which would ensure long term gains. But n their minds, I guess they’re thinking “one less nigga to worry about”.

Considering how easy it is to forget E3 ever happened, I skimmed over some interview with Iizuka… again.

You know what’s cracked up about Lost Mind? Pii U version has no online but the 3DS version does. I can already infer that because of the development of using the gamepad’s screen, the budget and technical skill needed to create an HD game that can work on 2 different screens took a toll on Sega’s development team. Though still no details on what this coop mode is. All I can assume is it’s another Tingle Turner Ala second player just marks off places and delivers items.

“I think two really important aspects of Sonic are obviously speed, but also the platforming experience. I think if you go too far in one direction of supporting one or the other then that can harm the gameplay and make for a game that’s not as good. One thing I’m very proud of with Sonic Lost World is that we’ve been able to create what I feel is a better balance between the speed and platforming than what we’ve had in our past games.”

I beg to differ. Sonic was never about a “platforming experience”. He was literally about being a faster platformer. But even then, Sonic games have shit platforming. They were NEVER a true part of the experience. It was just a faster platformer.

However, Lost Mind isn’t fast. It’s the slowest Sonic game I’ve ever seen. Even the mach speed sections (which everyone assumes is Sonic 06 instead of the bonus levels from Knuckles Chaotix) chugs on acid.

Skip to 1:20 for second vid to see what I mean.


It’s always a challenge. It’s something we’re thinking about it in development all the time. How to add complexity for the advanced user, but keep things simple and easy on the other hand. Especially when Sonic is moving fast you don’t want to have a lot of buttons you have to push. As much as possible you want to limit your button pushes while your running to one thing or maybe two things at the most. Something that people can always push intuitively, immediately without thinking about it. An example where we were thinking about this in the new game is the homing attack and the double jump. In the past, we’ve always had the homing attack on the same button as the jump and you know that’s great for simplicity, but there are development trade-offs. Sometimes you want to double jump and you push ‘A’ ‘A’ but the game doesn’t read it contextually, it’s hard to read exactly what the player wants to do. Sometimes the player even with enemies there, they want to double jump, but it does a homing attack so we decided to address that this time by having both the ‘A’ and ‘B’ button do a jump, but one of the buttons always does a jump with the homing attack and one always does a double jump. That way you can still push one to do a quick jump, but then you can separate your intentions by using one or the other.

Or you could work on better enemy placement so that we can keep the simple controls. Iizuka keeps coming up with problems no one has had with the Sonic series so that he can imagine himself “fixing what’s wrong with Sonic”. But it makes no sense to muddle the controls because the level design and enemy placement is shit.

If you wanted to make an accessible game, you don’t complicate the controls. One of the better aspects of Sonic games was familiarity. You had a jump and sometimes an attack button, and you went from there. With all these new gameplay additions, the accessibility is ruined. So now that you’ve gone back to square one to simple controls, you now believe the level design causes problems? Colors and Generations were never criticized for bad level design, just boring. Plus, I don’t recall situations where I wanted to double jump but homed into an enemy instead for any Sonic game. Probably because there were hardly any enemies in the game.

Shadow the Hedgehog had control complications due to gameplay additions. After playing both SA1 and 2 on GCN, I was comfortable using the B button for a spindash. But thanks to your gun crap, I now have to press X. It’s disorientating, but I had no choice because of the gameplay additions. Not that Spin dash did anything for me in that game, Shadow was on some good shit that he accelerated out the ass just by tilting the damn stick! I doubt it’ll do anything for me in this game. All because of this parkour bullshit. When’s the last time Sonic fans begged for new gameplay additions anyway? People wanted to simply move away from the repetitive dimps boost. This seems to be a symptom of “Nintendo creativity” creeping into Sega again. People bitched about Unleashed, Colors, and Generations all because they used the same exact gameplay format, and nothing in these games justified a purchase since you could more or less get the same experience on one game. That doesn’t mean Sonic fans were starved for new gameplay. They just wanted the lack of boost.

This was the issue that Skyward Sword had. Why did they change the rolling action from a simple “Move forward and hit A” to a “Move forward, press button, and then FLICK the Nun-chuck”? It’s an unnecessary change and otherwise dick move.

And I go back to the necessity of needing to hold both shoulders to do a spindash. This was, again, done for “gameplay innovations”, but why not just hold one trigger instead of both? Or a normal face button like it was back in the previous 3D titles?

The candy stage sticks out as a little more unusual, even more than the other stages actually, but it still comes from what we were saying. You’re in the Desert Ruins world now. Even though you might get tired of the desert after two stages you’re going to be in the desert for six stages now. Players might get tired of that. So that’s coming from the idea that we want to try something different. More variety, especially in the worlds that people might get more tired of.

So take them the fuck out! What sense does it make to put in several levels of a world people would get sick of?!

This just sounds like the words of a bonified asshole. “Lets bloat this bitch full of levels people will hate or tire from!” Yeah, that makes REAL perfect sense.

You may have also noticed that there’s been a general simplification of the graphic design. That’s coming from a few different angles. Number one, in the past few games they’ve been using global illumination, baked-in HD backgrounds and they’re very beautiful, but they’re always trade-offs in development and one of the problems is that enemies and rings kind of bleed into the background and it can be harder to see them at times so this time they wanted to try something different and come up with more iconic and simplified graphics that make things pop so the enemies pop more, the rings pop more. Also the simplification of the graphics let us reach an important development goal that we’ve had for a long time which is 60 frames per second. Things definitely feel a lot more fluid at sixty frames per second which we weren’t able to hit in past games with the HD backgrounds. And finally the development team members have wanted to kind of accentuate the connection to the past Genesis games.

One problem. Sonic levels were never Saturday morning sugary bliss up until that awful 3D Blast. It was a techo dreamworld. Levels had more complex and surreal tiles/textures used. They were quite detailed despite being on week hardware. This “style” looks nothing like the Genesis games. Chemical Plant and the Metal Sonic boss fight from Sonic generations looks more like the Genesis games. Hell, Eggman Land from Uleashed looks more like the Genesis games. Planet Wisp looks more like the Genesis games. Lastly, the ring issue could’ve been fixed by making them pop out, not “brownish gold”. But no one complained about not being able to see the rings in the HD games. Again, why are you solving problems with things no one took issue with?

You have to admire Takashi’s wild imagi2nation. His mind is as lost as this game.

Here’s to 22 years of decent games. Yes. Even Shadow the Hedgehog.

Maybe not 06 or that horrible Advance 3, or those shit Rivals games, but everything else.

No wonder he’s lost his mind on Pii U. Anxiety of old age!

America is home to a very deadly disease. We live in a backwards society where complaining is taboo. So much so that there are people who absolutely despise the very concept of grievance. Protest is a declaration of war against the status quo.

Corporations are allowed to get away with so many atrocities due to this disease. BP Oil has yet to be castrated for the damage they have caused to the gulf, and people have already started to respect them and hand over money for some quick gas. Nintendo can abuse workers in Africa to produce machines because “corporations need to make money.” And Pikachu. The need to make money is always the perfect excuse.

Paper is God in America

The one-eyed man is king with indefinite rule over the cognition of the masses. As long as everything is done to make money, tis fine.

In the world of gaming, it takes on a less harmful, but never the less annoying, form.

Back when Pokemon HGSS was announced and we all saw the new artwork for the characters, we were all taken aback by the new artwork of Lyra. Why? Well…

This is not….

Aside from being a completely inferior design, the Pokemon fanbase was in a mother fucking uproar.


Since there was a mass of complaints surrounding the character, millions of fans came together to try and qwell the complaints. Of course, none of this went down well as many of the attempts to ease the pain were petty justifications.

“The game is not a remake of Pokemon Crystal, but a remake of Gold and Silver. Gold and Silver had no female playable character, so this new girl replaces no one! Stop whining!”

This excuse, however, held no more power after the reveal of Eusine, a Pokemon Crystal exclusive character, along with the Suicune sub-plot and Buena’s password, all elements of Pokemon Crystal. So the complaints raged on until it was finally revealed that Kris was officially replaced by Lyra, and not a terrible redesign.

Of course, the argument used was only done out of spite for complainers. Most hardcore gamers absolutely despise mass grievance.  Dante’s hair look terrible? You’re a shallow mother fucker and should be spit upon.

The disease is justificognition. A case in which a sizable group of people try to “justify” the complaints a large and vocal group have on a subject that they may or may not fully agree with. They will create sometimes outlandish theories to explain away why such complaints are worthless to hold, and why the protested subject is actually good or better this way than what or how people would’ve preferred. They could be compared to as a troll if hey are found to be irritating, but more often than not, they are legitimately trying to quash further dissent.

For instance, Sonic the Hedgehog’s exemption from Project X Zone.

It’s old news that Sonic isn’t in the game. The only real reason he isn’t in the game is lack of love for Sonic from Japan. But the justifications didn’t stop after that. The most universal reasoning for Sonic’s exclusion is his character design. Given that the majority of characters present are human or humanoid, it stood to reason that Sonic would not “fit” or “ruin the vibe” of the game. Sonic is an anthropomorphic hedgehog. An animal amongst a mostly human cast would have a severe design clash.

That said, I would love a great explanation for Dorai and Ain Veranos. Two of the least human looking characters in the game.

Another reason given would be that Sonic isn’t a character that can be taken seriously unlike with the rest of the characters in the game. Many of them coming from games with deeper and more mature plots than your typical Sonic game.



When one looks into the content of PXZ itself, it doesn’t even present itself seriously. If anything, the content is incredibly silly and juvenile as can be.

Serious characters are completely out of place for a title such as this. Where as Sonic, who’s next game basically looks like a revival of AOSTH standards, is presumably more than welcome for the game.

Lastly, the easiest “excuse” is the quandary of necessity. “Does Sonic really have to be in this game?” Necessity is the trump card when all else fails in debate. In entertainment, quandary of necessity can easily stomp anyone’s grievances by forcing the griever to re-assess his or her priorities. After all, it is junk entertainment. You’re getting several characters from a multitude of franchises all in one game. So what if one character or franchise is exempt? Think of everyone else included!

Of course, to me, none of them amount to anything, so I get jack shit from this package. The only ones I would care about are Mega Man X and God Eater, but you wish I loved those games that much to consider a purchase.

Infact, more people could say the same exact thing. Tekken fans are not going to immediately gravitate toward a tactical RPG to play Jin Kazama, a character that the majority of Tekken fans despise. People are sick of Capcom’s tropes of using the same Ryu’s and Chun Li’s and Morrigan’s for every fucking cross over they make. And no one gives a damn about Sega’s entire roster. None of them are popular or relevant to today’s audiences (outside of Japan at least). Who the fuck cares about Ulala? Some Baby Spice bitch from a Rhythm game no one talks about or remembers fondly? You’d think NiGHTS would appear as many cameos he gets.

On the other hand, everyone can identify with Sonic the Hedgehog. He is the only Sega character with mass appeal. Excluding him from the roster completely ruins any enthusiasm people would have for Sega’s roster, period. People suggest he doesn’t belong in the game, but considering the entire cast looks like Animu shit stains, Sonic’s presence would at least generate some damn variety. And that’s why this game has bombed Japan. The entire roster is filled with generic humanoid characters that lack distinction from each other. How many firearm weilding characters are in this game? I wouldn’t be surprised if they all came from Sakura Wars or Valkyrie Chronicles in some way, shape or form. Why the fuck would I be interested in that? Capcom would’ve been the best of the bunch if we didn’t get so much of their recycled content for an entire decade. If this was made for the Japanese, these 3 companies fucked up big time. There is a lacking variety in the cast of characters. You either get sword swingers or gun toters. A Cross Over doesn’t need mascots, but for a roster as bland and repetitive as this, you better hang that argument up for the winter cold.

That said, yes, Sonic’s presence IS needed for this game. There are thousands more Sonic fans than there are Mega Man fans, and considering that Sonic fans are mostly composed of those damn X’ers, there would’ve been a higher chance of success, at least.

Unfortunately, arguments like these are put up to you not for the sake of discussion but for the sake of disruption. It contributes nothing and is only there to silence dissent. The hatred for complaints is one due to annoyance. The most content people are those that hate grievances from others. They think “why aren’t they happy!? I find no problem with what’s going on! I wish they’d just zip their lips and be happy for what they have! They’re just a bunch of ungrateful people!” It is a case of thinking the world revolves around them and no one else to share it with.

Sakurai’s other interview.

Kotaku: My first question is, what is the process like for deciding which characters in aSmash Bros. game to include and which to cut from game to game?

Sakurai: First of all, in regard to cutting characters: at this point there’s nothing I can say in any official position regarding that process. But let’s go ahead and talk a little bit more about how we decided what characters to have.

Kotaku: Okay.

lol. He seems agitated.

Sakurai: The first thing is to take an idea. For example, imagine a game and characters within that game. Take a character such as the villager in Animal Crossing. The next process is think about that character’s role in their game and then the structure of the game we’re making. How do those work together with each other? What kind of interesting things can you do within the structure of the game? And then if you were to actually implement that character, how would the end result be, how it works with other elements of the game?

If by interesting, you mean creative ala Olimar, I don’t want that shit. I want to play with every character with out need to change up my tactics too much. Every character should have decent offensive capabilities. Otherwise, you wind up with Snakes, Olimars, and even Links running away from other players and having to cheap out from afar.

An important thing is that the characters stand out from one another—for instance, we might wanna be able to take characters that aren’t typically combat-based characters. So you might have a sword-based character, but other characters are not necessarily going to [have swords]. You’re not gonna wanna focus on that sort of element, just so there’s a distinction between all of the other combat-based characters.

This has been common knowledge since 64 since you only had ONE sword character.

They have to have something really unique that makes them stand apart from other characters in the game, and not limit yourself to characters that are just combat-based.

And those non-combat-based characters are not viable for a game based entirely on combat. What’s the point of adding a character to a fighting game if their gameplay is based on anything but fighting?

Kotaku: I know Mega Man is a character that has been requested for a very long time – is there something different about this game that will make it okay to bring in Mega Man? Have you tried to include Mega Man before?

Sakurai: No, actually, there was never any consideration to having him in previous games, and if you think about it, there hasn’t been really a precedent for third-party characters joining other than very special cases like Sonic, during the last game. It’s something that wasn’t even possible. We’re now going into versions four and five within the series—this is only something that’s now possible.

Say what? It’s been possible since the very first game. You’re speaking as though it was technologically impossible. It was legally impossible. And infact, Inafune desperately wanted Mega Man in Brawl and was one of the other most requested characters as stated before. How was it not possible to add Mega Man but you put in Snake and Sonic both?

Kotaku: When you say four and five, do you mean the 3DS and Wii U versions? Those are separate?

Sakurai: Yeah, exactly.

Kotaku: While we bring that up, how will those versions be different?

Sakurai: Essentially between the two versions the character structure is the same, and the moves shared between the characters are the same, but the stages are entirely different. On the 3DS, we’ve taken the motif of handheld games and then on the Wii U version, featured primarily stages based on games on console.


Kotaku: And how will they be able to connect, the 3DS and Wii U version? Will I be able to play against Wii U people if I’m using the 3DS?

Sakurai: It’ll be possible, in fact, on the 3DS version there’ll be a certain degree of character customization. You can have your own personalized character that you’ll then be able to take over and move onto the Wii U version and play.

Kotaku: And you can also—on the 3DS version—play against people playing the Wii U version?

Sakurai: Actually, that’s not possible. What is possible is for you to be able to customize your character, transfer it to the Wii U, and then play there. It would be technically impossible, just because the stages are so different between the two versions, so there isn’t a situation where you have a handheld device and a console and you’re able to play at the same time. Just more of a situation where there’s integration, and [ability] to transfer data.

Again, meh. Fighting games don’t need this bullshit. But how about putting a create-a-fighter on the Pii U version instead of having this unnecessarily convoluted process? Not everyone would have a 3DS to compliment their Pii U’s.

Oh right, cheddar.

Kotaku: Back to characters, I just have one more question about the characters real quick—is there any third-party character that you’d most want to see in a Smash Bros. game?

Sakurai: I’m really sorry. If I were to answer that question, I’d get in a lot of trouble in a lot of different ways, so I can’t answer. (laughter) But I think I can say generally that there won’t be a trend of adding a lot of third-party characters. You can sort of think of Mega Man as being the special case.

Or making it up to Inafune as you did with Kojima as a form of “we’re sorry for last time. Here you go now!”

Sakurai’s lacking interest in adding 3rd party characters isn’t exactly a bad thing, but I suspect it’s not even his own desires. Seeing as Super Smash Bros is being turned into a vehicle to celebrate and advertise Nintendo’s game development history, the desire to not put in 3rd party characters equates to not wanting to give attention to other companies. Nintendo is pretty egotistical and loves to flaunt their Nintendo history at every chance they get (Nintendo Land, oh amma). Giving Metal Gear Solid and Sonic the Hedgehog more attention was probably not good business as MGS is mostly Sony’s baby. Putting in Snake would make people go “what game is he from? He seems interesting”. But alas, they would have to purchase another console to play Metal Gear Solid, because Konami rarely gives Nintendo any MGS games beyond a remake. That would draw their fans toward Sony’s consoles to play MGS. So putting in 3rd party characters is riskier to their own business. Especially since Pii U us not highly favored and Sony is getting hyped up to the heavens. Capcom hasn’t been keen on giving Nintendo any real support either, so putting in Mega Man appears risky as well, especially since Capcom is anti-Mega Man it seems. Putting in Sonic is a no brainer, however, looking at this partnership, but I suspect that gave us more X’er Nintards to deal with.

Another theory is I don’t think Nintendo wants to be fanboy-pressured into making some ultra omega cross-over game with their characters going against hundreds and thousands of other characters from the likes of Street Fighter, Final Fantasy, etc. As much bitchin Sakurai is doing about developing games, they’re more than desperate to keep 3rd party shit on the down low.

On the other hand, it might be them being bitter that 3rd parties are trying to starve them of support. 😛

Kotaku: Should people expect returning characters, should they expect most of their favorites from Brawl to come back?

Sakurai: The reality of the situation unfortunately is that there are certain limitations on the 3DS, so we’re forced into a situation where we may need to reduce some characters to a certain degree, but we’re really working hard to include as many characters as possible.

But the Pii U version is fine…. right? RIGHT!?

Actually, cut out that fucking Olimar and that damn Diddy Kong. Oh and wario and Rob too. And Game & Watch.



Sakurai: As the creator of Kirby, there may have been instances when people thought ohh I made Kirby stronger because I have a preference for him, so I definitely avoid trying to give any sort of preference, and especially even mentioning anything to anybody about—to give them the idea that I like somebody more than the others.



Kotaku: Interesting, that’s very interesting. And I wanna talk a bit more about balancing characters later. But a lot of people asked—when I took questions from readers—a lot of people asked, they all want to know: will tripping be back?

Sakurai: To answer quite frankly, it will not return.

See that, Miyamoto? Aonuma? At least one of your asshole developers has the capacity to listen to some complaints and REMOVE BULLSHIT!

Kotaku: Okay. People will be very happy to hear that. I also wanted to ask—obviously with the Wii U we have the GamePad screen, and I wanted to ask you: is there anything cool or unique or interesting you can do with that gamepad for a game like Super Smash Bros.?

Sakurai: Actually, I’m not really planning anything that really pushes the GamePad in super-weird directions, just because everyone has their own special preference of what controller they like to use. You would end up in a situation where you have some unbalance in the controls, or in the playing field, so nothing that is super unique and contributes to controls.

Wow, I may have to apologize for calling you an asshole. This is how a developer is supposed to think.

Wish I could say the same for Sonic’s Lost Mind.

Kotaku: To switch gears a little bit, how much do you follow the competitive scene, competitive Smash Bros.? There’s a big US community, I don’t know if there’s a community in Japan also, but do you follow that competitive Smash Bros. scene?

Oh this should be good.

Sakurai: In Japan, there’s actually a tournament scene, and it’s an annual thing… that’s something that just wrapped up, actually. It sort of reached its peak, and then now with anticipation for the next title, it’s sort of on hiatus. I imagine that will pick up again on release of the new games, but that’s something that personally I’m not involved in. It’s something that Nintendo manages. Personally, I can’t really say too much about that.

Yeah right.

Kotaku: Do you ever talk to the high-level competitive players when you’re balancing Smash Bros.?

Sakurai: Mostly I don’t incorporate feedback like that. Basically, Smash Bros. is designed to be sort of targeted at the center, intermediate players, and if you think of sort of a skill graph or something where if you’re targeting just the peak of that performance level, you’re targeting a very small group of people. We wanna avoid a situation where it becomes a game sort of like other competitive fighting games, where it’s only apreciated by a very small, passionate group of sort of maniac players. We definitely don’t want that sort of situation. It’s supposed to be a fun game for a wide variety of people.

It’s ALWAYS been a fun game for a wide variety of people. Melee was, at least. Fucking up Brawl did nothing but alienate far more people than you could imagine. It’s practically universal that everyone prefers Melee over Brawl. It’s technically and objectively the better game in every way. But at the same time, it was the most accessible fighting game on the face of the Earth. Anyone could play Melee. Even my old ass uncle who doesn’t play fighting games would get into the game, go Ganon, and rape people. That’s how great Ganon was. He despises Brawl for ruining Ganon.


If my Uncle cannot be pleased by SSB4 by making Ganon tight again, you have failed him as you have failed me! All in your insatiable desire to exclude a certain group of gamers from the game!


I do like that “Maniac Players” insult. It’s an accurate description considering the level of insanity that Smash Boards and especially SRK exhibit.

Kotaku: Could you talk a little bit about how you balance it out, because there’s so much going on in Smash Bros.—how do you make it so each character is as strong as the others?

Sakurai: In regards to overall game balance, what we do is we use sort of this monitor playtest where we set up players of a certain level to play highly-skilled players in an arena. For example, an arena just with maybe a single platform and we watch them fight over a certain amount of time and view video from that and decide at a high level how to make adjustments to that for the base.

Smash Bros. is all about position….

Blah blah blah. Brawl is NOT balanced. At all. Meta Knight, Pit, and Snake dominate that game and half the roster is unplayable tripe. Soul Calibur 2 was more balanced than that clusterfuck, even with Nightmare and Raphael destroying everyone.

Kotaku: It seems like that must be very difficult, to take all those factors into account. How do you manage to make each character still feel strong and still feel like they can be competitive with the rest of the characters, even with all those positional factors?

Sakurai: Yeah, if it was just a flat playing surface, it would be one thing, and you could determine pretty quickly which was the stronger character. But given the circumstances of the series, and there are so many factors, it comes down to a quite simple process, where you give characters a special—something special that no other character has. A special technique. And at the same time, as that ratchets up their strength, you also have to take something away, so it becomes a sort of game of checks and balances where you’re adding and removing.

So why aren’t Yoshi, Link, Samus and the like viable characters to use? You’re better off using none of the veteran characters aside from Pikachu and Zelda. I forgot Mario was in this game, he sucks so much now.

I mean, this game was so unbalanced, people went and HACKED the damn game to balance it for you. How fucked is your life?

Luckily enough, Ganon sucks less than the rest.

Kotaku: Ah. Could we talk about the Final Smash, will it still work like it did in Brawl?

Sakurai: So, yes, the Smash Balls will be included, and each character will have a Final Smash.

Essentially, the incorporation of the Smash Balls and the Final Smash was something to accommodate, or to counter a situation where in a game you’d have a strong player and without those things, you would have a situation where clearly always the strong players would come on top. And so we wanted to add a little bit of some accidental or random elements to help sort of narrow the possibility of who would come out on top in a match. And so our opinion on it was that it sort of helps balance the game. Of course, hardcore players might take issue with it, so that’s why we decided to make it an option you can turn on or off.

That goes along with thinking about how I think each player should be able to customize the experience so we can accommodate different play styles. It’s very important for me for everybody to have the play experience that they want. It’s also very important for me to be able to accommodate the opinions of the most passionate players, of course, which tend to be the more advanced players.

Again, good. Sakurai is probably the only nintendo dev that takes into account different play preferences.

But I should’ve known Smash balls were implemented to balance the game. I hate shit like this in fighting games. Some universal crap was put in to balance out the devs crap skills in their rosters. It’s like the parries and Guard Impacts of SF3 and Soul Calibur respectively.

Kotaku: Do you feel like there were flaws or weaknesses in Smash Bros. Brawl that you want to make better, or fix, or learn from for the new Smash Bros. games?

Sakurai: I would consider the changes that we’re making this time around not as fixes, but that we’re changing the direction. And so the vision for the overall balance of the game inSmash Bros. Melee, it was sort of more focused towards more hardcore players. Then when it came around to making Brawl, this was a game that was targeting a Wii audience where there were a lot of beginner players, so it sort of leaned a little bit more in that direction. So now, for this time around, we’re sort of aiming for something that is in between those as far as the speed of the game. Because I don’t really think this time we’re in a situation where we’re trying to accommodate that many new players like we did last time.

What… the…. fuck!?

So tripping was removed not because people hated it, but because you want all the games to feel unique?

So that means…

64: badass

Melee: Ultimate

Brawl: Shit

4: Ultimate Shit?

And where is he getting this idea that Melee was geared more toward hardcore players!? The internet!? Just because the Maniac Players found exploits in your precious game code doesn’t mean the game was made for them. They just redefined it for themselves. Most of us played normally. AND NO ONE COMPLAINED!

Sakurai has some truly fucked up misconceptions about Melee. Melee is not hardcore. It appealed to EVERYONE. It was mass market, bitch! There is nothing hardcore about Melee. Finding exploits does not make it hardcore.

I’m starting to think he lied about being some champion Street Fighter 2 player.


Talonflame. Officially the most bad ass looking bird ever.

I wonder how much 3DS goes for used….

Just to piss off these whiny assholes from the Fighting Game Community.

Holy shit! Killer Instinct 3 is going to be accessible! IT’S THE END OF THE WORLD!Fighting games need to be accessible enough to get enough players into the game and just technical enough to keep things interesting.

It wasn’t like Killer Instinct was a really hot title back then anyway. It was decried as an MK ripoff as soon as it was revealed. And back in the 90s, we were damned sensitive to anything that screamed “similar”. Every SNK fighter was declared a Street Fighter knock off for no reason other than being there.

Making KI3 accessible is the LEAST of it’s problems, if it was an issue in the first place. It needs to perform well on a console that isn’t released yet… and already has a bad reputation at that. And since when did showing up at EVO determine whether or not the game is good or successful? You have fucking KOF13 at these tournaments.

As for the game, it at least looks cool. Sabrewulf doesn’t look retarded anymore. That’s a start.

They’re not gonna put this on Pii U.

Why do developers always have to say “we’re not sure if fans want it, so they need to scream loud enough”. Why don’t you just put it up there and see if it’ll sell instead of yanking everyone’s chain?

Or better yet, you could advertise the games. I see zero marketing for Guilty Gear titles when they release. If they don’t sell on Wii, you can’t blame the fans. Wii Owners don’t even know they have a Guilty Gear game for them.

But they won’t put it on Pii U. It’s not a viable console at the moment. Fans screaming for it won’t mean shit.  Watch as the Pii U fans kick and scream, and then find out ASW screwed them over and goes straight for PS4 exclusive. It’s gonna happen unless Nintendo just forks over the cash. That’s the only way it will come to Pii U.

And if I’m being optimistic, chances of that happening are actually pretty good. Nintendo is like Pac-Man gobbling up exclusives at this point. Who knows, Nintendo might just consider it done.