Archive for March, 2014

Listening and reading every interview on Sonic Bomb reads like a script for a comedy as these doorknobs make every single mistake a game developer makes this day in age. If not the redesigns and their moronic reasoning, it’s the gameplay gimmicks. If not the gameplay, it’s the intended audience. If not that, it’s the ridiculous mess they spew in interviews like “splinter groups”. One after another, my hopes are dashed in an instant as these devs jump headlong into 1996 where stupid ideas start cropping up for the sake of showing off 3D effects.

But the one that gets me is the comment of “wanting kids to be able to finish the game”. That’s the absolute worst thing you could want. While obnoxiously lamenting that people who want a challenge have to do other things aside from the main game (sounds like Klonoa’s stupid tower).

Forgive me if I give off the essence of a gaming elitist who believes in Ninja Gaiden levels of BS ridden challenges, but these things contributed to the replay value of a video game in ways most people wouldn’t guess.

Video games can really take you places. More so than a book could. Reason being is obvious. A visual aid can give you clear details of these places you are venturing into. Sure, it’s nice to use your imagination to visualize how the place looks, it’s much more accessible to see how things look and feel.

That said, when you find a game that has incredibly interesting places, then you are instantly spell bound. You have the innate desire to dig deeper and explore it’s vast world.

As I’ve said before,  people have a desire to travel and explore the world. if you don’t have the means or the funds to do your own traveling, you rely on the media to give you your fix. Movies and television do a decent job on their own, but to get a first hand experience, you’d need to actively participate in the exploration aspects. IE, YOU need to actually be present in that world. As such, video games do their jobs much better by taking you places.

Think about all the marvelous (read: Generic) looking worlds in Sonic Bomb that we’ve seen thus far. Most have agreed that despite being unfitting, they are some vast pieces of work that people want to dig into once we see more of it.

But in order to really bring out your inner explorer, there have to be obstacles in place. This is why “challenge” is actually important. Not for gamers to stroke their mega lo-maniacal  egos, but to push you into wanting to see more of the game’s worlds…. more than usual.

“Man, I can’t wait to see what the next destination is! Uh oh,  boss fight”

*hours later*3


People would be desperate to find out the next chapter on their journey. Game developers know this which is why they create gorgeous looking environments time and again (unless it’s a game on a nintendo console, apparently). Unfortunately, developers are incredibly ego driven fools who want people to simply marvel at their work. And you can’t marvel at anything when you’re stuck at some boss fight. So instead, the devs coddle people with very easy difficulty in which a baby could progress without hindrance. Then again, they wouldn’t have a choice otherwise considering how much of a hinderance  3D gaming is, but that’s aside the point.

This creates big problems, why? Because when you have legions of incredibly easy games, gamers go through the process of which they burn through content. When this happens, gamers start ending up with games that take up shelf space faster than dust rats. Why is that? Could it be the lack of places to explore in a game?

Outside of puzzle games, sports games, maybe fighting games and FPS’s where the main goal is competition (not to mention being the main genres that seemingly sell the most these days), you would be hardpressed to find any game that is worth your time anymore. Many games that are designed around the element of action or adventure are usually short-lived experiences now. Oh the games might be long, but their length isn’t attributed to REAL length, IE things not created arbitrarily just to artificially lengthen the game, mind you. But when you eventually get through the game, you realize that it’s really over. There’s nothing more to explore. No hidden worlds to seek. When you remove the amount of worlds to explore, the incentive of replay value diminishes greatly. So when you have a game that is built to be easy, what you are doing is creating no incentive to replay the game. No real drive other than a second playthrough with minor bells and whistles.

Speaking of artificial length, do you know why that happens so often in video games? It’s to offset the REAL game lengthening factor which is the challenge factor. Game developers (and modern gamers) these days believe that a LONG game is an aspect of quality. Many people will note today that games feel much shorter than they used to be. The nerds of today will often criticize old games for being ridiculously short only to be lengthened by their sheer difficulty, but that has always been a beneficial factor of a game’s longevity, not it’s vice. Because people actually had to practice and get better at the game in order to progress. As long as they have the drive (and the obstacle doesn’t seem impossible enough), the gamer will actually LIKE this manner of longevity. Instead of that, however, we are given a million mindless tasks to complete in order to offset the length of the game. Locked door? Find 3 key codes. Giant plant monster can’t be beaten by normal means? Run back to several areas to find ingredients to poison it. Elevator locked down? Find someone’s personal chopper and destroy it to piss off the elevator’s personal operator… or something. These things feel like a chore that no one ever wants to revisit for any particular reason. When people are given a shopping list of objectives to do in order to progress, who in the hell wants to replay the whole game again just to repeat the process?

All that said, hearing that Rafei and the gang seriously want people to complete this game should alarm everyone anticipating this game. There should be a goal of creating incentive to replay the game over and over, not have it beaten just so gamers can feel good about themselves for a few minutes and then move on to the next “fix”. The last thing Sonic games need is piss easy difficulty. Knowing the game will be easy, the developers will more than likely try to cram bullshit objectives into the game the make the journey longer. And this will not create a fun experience.

On the other hand, this is not a customer’s permission to make the game goddamned impossible to beat either.


Ok, long story short, I got blackmailed into playing this shit because some chick at my job… hates me. Eh… since I can’t keep my mouth closed, she figured out I write this blog, got pissy I dissed RE6 “without playing it“. Cause… you know, you’re supposed to eat poop to know it tastes like shit. And… she caught me in an act that shall remain a mystery to you all.

Seeing she wasn’t going to leave me alone, she pretty much shoved the damn copy in my face and urged me to validate my opinion for fear of losing my job. It is at this moment that I learned that women are evil and that maybe the catholics weren’t too crazy lumping them with a symbolic representation of satan.

Yes. RE6 is that bad. No, scratch that, this game is… it epitomizes everything that is wrong with this industry and multiplies it by 6…. times 3! It’s impossible to think that I might’ve played a game that is officially worse than Skyward Sword. The unthinkable has happened.

Not really an exciting crossover to be honest

Koboyashi shows just how to draw people into video games by opening up the entire game with a quick time event! How many you ask? 3! The first (barely second into the damn game), is lifting your unattractive female partner off her unconscious ass long enough to get inside a broken down building. The second… opening a door (this is a good MINUTE into the game!) The second… shaking off a random zombie that the game allows to capture you! The third? Piloting a chopper that’s gone out of control!

Wow! Now that’s how you open a game! Take the player out of the game by pressing random buttons as though they were watching a movie… or playing Heavy ass Rain! This is without a doubt… the worst thing you can do in the beginning of the game. If you’re a game developer and you’re thinking about stream lining a long running series for the sake of attracting a larger audience, this is NOT the way to go about it. Having QTE’s at the very beginning of the game gives the player a horrid perception of how the entire game will play out. Cause if you just make the person go through several tiny “minigame cutscenes” just to get to the next sequence, the player’s motivation to press through the game will be diminished. Who the fuck wants to play a game full of QTEs?

“But that’s just for the beginning! Surely, the majority of the game isn’t a bunch of QTEs”

……just from reading that, you know it’s the exact opposite. I mean goddamn, if there’s a QTE for you to fumble around a deserted car just to look for some damn keys, you know you’re fucked for the long run.

There are 3 stories centering around Chris Redfield, main character of the series, Leon Kennedy, the fangirl magnet that is only relevant because of RE4’s unwarranted popularity, and Jake Muller, white trash bastard son of Albert Wesker who looks… nothing like Wesker and is more akin to Donte from DmC who tries faaaar too hard to be cool. I mean picture this. He’s on a raft where he gets attacked by multiple enemies. What’s his comment at the end of the ride?

“That was a worse boat ride than the Titanic!”

Oh yes. You will learn to hate him and his shitty one-liners. A good majority of the time you just want someone to give him a kick in the ass. Unfortunately, that’s NEVER going to happen because you see… he’s the son of Wesker meaning he inherited Wesker’s overpowered super human abilities giving Jake more strength and agility than he needs, making him nearly as invincible as his daddy. Oh, and if that wasn’t enough, he knows kung fu. You know what that means?

He’s the perfect asshole!

Damn I hate perfect assholes in games and television. Whether it’s the main character in Pacific Rim, Jack from Anarchy Reigns, or Ken Masters from Street Fighter, perfect assholes are the kinds of characters that are douches to everyone around them, but completely flawless in all of their categories. At the same time, we’re damn near expected to love their asses no matter how irritating they are. How fucked is my life that we go from one perfect asshole (Wesker) to this bastard?

Anywho, lets start with the story mode that was…. marginally less irritating but filled to the brim with QTEs. LEON! And his new bitch Helena Harper.

At the start of the game, we see Leon and Helena facing the President of the US… at gun point.

Handsome devil, ain’t he?


Head of the Oval Office became a zombie and Leon is forced to pull the trigger. A pivotal plot point that is ignored for the entirety of the game unless used by Simmons as a means to taunt Leon.

Afterwards, you go through the college where the President was apparently going to drop dimes on the US’s dealings with Umbrella…. or something. Here, I find the annoyance of having to traverse chairs and tables because apparently, Capcom thinks it’s ok to not let the player walk over tiny spots of broken chairs. At the same time, you’re trying to help random asswipe #1 find his daughter… only for said daughter to die on an elevator and turn into a zombie with worse acting than Keanu Reeves.

That’s what you get for taking a student loan!!!


After that, the heroes try to escape campus via a gate…. BUT FIRST… they need to find a key just to get out the gate. So instead of logically trying to find an alternative route like climbing over the fences just to get out, they go look for the fucking key.

So by now, we have had 2 missions, find a missing daughter and then looking for a missing key that is so far deep into the campus that it’s nearly impossible to find. Great! Fetch quests this early in! Once we find said fucking key, we break out and more zombies pop up, we end up popping them and then hurrying about to find a car. Now.. this part is stupid to the core. You’re in the car, right? Now we’re sitting here flicking the control stick in any and all directions (as the game prompts you to do without the specifics of what in mary fuck you’re supposed to be doing, btw) just to find the damn car keys! Oh yes, you’re gonna be looking for keys all over this game. Once you find the damn key, you get attacked by a zombie from a window… and if you’re playing Leon, you have to literally wait for your partner character to shoot the zombie off of you. This is important to remember. Depending on what character you choose for the scenario, you may have to literally fucking wait… for your partner to help you before you can progress with the game! So lets say you picked Chris instead of Piers Nevan (does that not sound like the most made up name you could think of?). In a final boss confrontation, Chris is grabbed while Piers has to slowly fucking crawl to a C-virus vial just to transform and save your life. Now I timed this… it literally takes a whole minute just for the game to progress after Piers finally gets his slow ass over to the virus.

Back to the car, once your partner has shaken off the zombie, you now have a QTE… to do as R.Kelly says and stick the key into the ignition…. and then to start the mother fucking car.

By this point, my patience and tolerance for idiotic game flow design had worn thin, and it felt like Capcom wanted me to burst a blood vessel. Why the fuck do I have to do so many QTE’s in one sitting? Oh, and here’s the kicker. Once you start the car, you travel about 10 centimeters just so you can crash into a couple of cars in the tunnel where a BIG ASS EXPLOSION occurs. Now you gotta get out and walk! Aint… DAT a bitch!? Not only did you survive a burning explosion that would normally kill anyone, you can still fucking walk! So… of the tunnel was that damn close to the campus, then me fiddling around with trying to find car keys and start the damn thing was a complete waste of time!

Ok so after that, Leon and Helena go through the streets and back alleys fighting their way through zombies in what felt like a proper Resident Evil setting. Surviving the streets against hordes of the undead. This is the least bullshit segment of the entire game, and as such actually set my expectations higher than they needed to be.








Then it all sucks when we find out after all the awesome shit, chapter 1 ends.

So… CHAPTER 2 where we’re in a cemetery… after the impossible of having Leon’s escape bus roll off a cliff…. and they miraculously survive again. It started to annoy me how these characters get themselves in amazingly impossible and dangerous situations and live to tell about them all.

So.. we traverse a cemetery where you got these… bone fucks walking around in the shadows. It’s a creepy part, i’ll admit. And then you got those bastard dogs as well. Man, I hate zombie dogs. They’re so fucking CHEAP! Anywho, after reaching the church where Helena desperately wishes to go for no specific reasons (yet), but then… another gate is closed and we must yet again find a damn key. Luckily enough, there’s a shack next to the gate where the key is stashed. BUT…. instead of the getting the key, one of those asshole zombie dogs jumps into a window and swipes the key in it’s gumline. Now, get this, we have to chase the son of bitch through the cemetery… just to get the damn key.

Now… of all the arbitrary ways to pad out the length of the game, they make you go through this shit whore of a process to continue the game!? Chasing a zombie dog… for another damn key. Once we chase the bastard down, we get the key and go back to the gate and open it…. only for some random zombie to knock Leon over a ledge and fall into a weird… area with several doors. At this point, I didn’t know what the hell kind of church has a garden with doors, or cared. All I know is this is one of those arbitrary sections that lock you away from your partner if only in some vain attempt to instill fear into you. Yeah, I’m looking into my insane pool of ammo shitting myself in terror.

After shortly being reunited with Helena, we go to the front door of the church, but the assholes inside tell me to kill off a certain number of zombies before letting us in. Now… here’s the part that tells you just how scripted this game is. There WERE no zombies in the area, but as soon as I try to get in, the zombies start FLOODING the place! Did they just hear the command or something?

Ugly bastards…

Inside the church, everyone is bitching and moaning about the “Apocalypse” coming while me and Helena start investigating, not giving a shit about what anyone else might see us doing, and we go about the church solving clues and mysteries that might lead us to… w/e it is Deborah wants.

…….And there’s a secret lair with statues that shoot arrows. Dafuq indeed. At this point, Capcom felt it necessary to slap in as many Resident Evil 4 references into the game in some poor attempt at invoking nostalgia by creating useless PUZZLES! So here, we’re in adjacent rooms for no apparent reason, where he have to shut off several statues that might shoot us with arrows… by walking over to them and pressing the switch on their bases. I can’t… for the life of me figure out what masochistic fuckwit thought this shit would be fun. But there’s about 5 waves of statues you simply have to run over to… and shut off.

After that, the game takes control away from you and turns your crosshair settings against your will. If you didn’t like the laser sights of RE4, well take your grief and like it bitch cause the game automatically changes the crosshair into the laser sighting. Why? Because well.. there’s mirrors in the room in which you have to burn with your laser sighting. Why? Well, to open the doors.

Then, after all that shit, you get to the roof to find a BAD ASS SNIPER RIFLE! …….And you have to use it to shoot five churchbells in order to open another passage.

At this point, they’re just shoving meaningless puzzles in your face while pretending that you’re supposed to care. And why does ringing five bells open up a new passage, by any chance?

Anywho, after solving more idiot puzzles, I finally uncover an underground passage. BUT WAIT! Instead, there is a giant monster made out of puffy titties.

This diabolical nipple creature blows out some strange blue gas that turns everyone in the church into raging zombies. So yeah, kill it with firepower! You will never look at Paizuri the same way again!

What was a moderately simple boss fight leads to an underground laboratory where we come to another puzzle. You have multiple doorways with numbers above them. And a machine with a code input. That’s right! Time for Resident Evil’s code puzzles! You have the ability to look in some of the doors and peak at what kinds of zombies are inside. It’s actually pretty cool in some instance, but it’s back to work. Unfortunately, the assholes at capcom scratched off some of the numbers above the doors, so you’re basically typing in random codes to open random doors.

Ok… first off, throw me a fucking bone. Now this game jerks me around with guessing door codes. If that’s the director’s attempt at “creating false tension” like Mikami used to do to dick around people, this is a poor attempt. This does nothing but piss people off by making them guess random numbers. Resident Evil should’ve moved beyond this BS by now.

After moving past the gay code guessing process, we move onto more labs, zombie dogs, stupid bridge puzzles, and the like, we’ve finally come to the secret that Deborah wanted to show us. A video called “happy birthday Ada”. They play the tape and see a cocoon where a NAKED ADA WONG hatches in her slimy glorious birth! See her slimy, silky skin as she pours all over the floor and…. yeah, thats some nasty shit.

The worst lap dance ever.

If you didn’t play the other story paths first, then you’ve basically spoiled the plot twist. They made an Ada Wong clone. WOW!

Then, we immediately exit the labs… and find some underground ruins. Yeah, now the game is just all over the place. First a church with mindless puzzles, then an underground lab, and now some ruins.

But… we managed to find helena’s sister. Yes, this was the person she was looking for all this time. We come to find out 2 things. She was possibly captured and held for ransom, and she’s got a phat ass. Damn white women stealing the black woman’s booty.

Anywho, a boss fight ensues as “Deborah” transforms into some weird slimy spider bitch, and what ensues is one of the most poorly thought out “action set pieces” to ever. Basically, the mines start collapsing around them, and at some point, the characters ride some out of nowhere mine cart that spirals “downward” near low level debris and…. yeah.

And… the whole game is like this, really. It’s just a bunch of random bullshit missions you have to suffer through until you get to the premiere boss battles that all end after several minutes of lame cutscene transitions, you get to short parts where you actually get to DAMAGE the fucker, and then move on with more cinematic hollywood dog shit that Japan seems to think is awesome. Then the monsters have these ridiculous designs that not even fans of Shin Megami Tensei, with all their fucked up tastes, could learn to appreciate.

And the story makes no sense in the long run. You never get a gist of what in the hell is going on. Ok, so there’s a “Neo Umbrella” that is supposed to be Umbrella Corps ressurection, but in the end, you find out it’s a feud between 2 scientists who have some unresolved sexual tension.

……..Yeah, I’m probably not making this up. Some bitch called Carla wants to kill Simmons for some non-specific betrayal, but the most I can gather is that Simmons and Carla were dating, but Simmons wanted Ada Wong’s ass, so Carla spread the C-Virus to implicate Simmons….. I’ve no idea what the fuck is going on, really. To me, the whole game’s story came out due to a lover’s quarrel. And We’re supposed to accept that as the next logical step in Resident Evil’s ongoing legacy of bioterrorism.

This combined with all the arbitrary puzzles shoved into the game simply to pad out 5 short chapters per character makes this whole game feel desperate. It’s cinematic and overwhelming amount of QTEs was tiring and made the game feel more like a choir than a game. It tried to be everything from Heavy Rain to Gears of War (especially with Chris fighting in Edonia). It tried to please everyone, but in the end, pleased no one, not even Capcom’s greedy shareholders. It is the very essence of creatively bankrupt.

Resident Evil 6 is truly the death of Resident Evil and of people’s faith in Capcom’s ability to deliver on the same thrilling chills of the previous titles. And it shows with their ridiculous desires to turn the series into a-

*plays revelations*

……….Holy nutballs, this game kicks ass!

It’s promoted alongside that goddamn Skyward Sword.

I’ve nothing to really say. My feelings for Nintendo DLC being in a Sonic game (or any game these days) is rather crude and obnoxious and makes no goddamn sense as far as I’m concerned, the game sure as hell didn’t sell for anyone to give a damn about it’s contents.

I’m most certain that anyone reading creams their pants at the thought of me admitting that this looks better than the Yoshi DLC so hell with it. It infact DOES. Not because there’s more effort put into it, mind you. It’s that content of Yoshi games do not fit the criteria of coolness and looks like shit no matter the format you put the game in. Zelda, in comparison, looks like a bucket of roses, but the inclusion of references to Skyward Sword offends me like no tomorrow. That game was absolutely horrid and is a prime example of why Nintendo needs new blood and to wash away the old farts who cling to bad games because of their own personal vendettas. Why in Mary Fuck wouldn’t you use something like Twilight Princess as an aesthetic template!? That game NEARLY saved the damn Zelda franchise from becoming irrelevant due to Aonuma’s surprising ability to reproduce, nevertheless find someone that thinks him attractive. I see the standards are low in Japan that making wooden dolls causes women to grow moist.

While it certainly looks better, Sonic couldn’t look anymore out of place. The inclusion of the tunic costume is…. honestly, I can’t even complain that much anymore. Big Red Button is doing much worse in the design department that it actually looks stupid enough to be funny. Still, wearing the garb of your enemy is always a red flag, but people seem to care less about this DLC than the Yoshi one. I think BK had something to do with it.

Still…. Skyward fucking Sword…. ugh. If there was a Star Fox DLC, I’ll bet yah NO ONE would have a problem with it.


I play black dude. Die like BITCHES!

Despite my furious anger at Gearbox, I still had an inkling of interest in the Borderlands series and wanted to check out the first game, so going by their greatest fears, I had found a GOTY version in the used games section of a Gamestop. Despite all the hype surrounding the whole “first game better than last” syndrome of the fandom, I stood my ground that I was going to hate this game with extreme fervor. As an FPS developed by these scoundrels, it is impossible for-…….holy nutballs, this game is FUN!

It was almost inconceivable. I couldn’t believe how easy it was to find so many legendaries in such a short amount of time. It was also amazing how the weapons were actually USEFUL! In BL2, I was constantly bombarded by living bullet sponges who could absorb everything that wasn’t a perfect critical shot. The game was utterly ridiculous with it’s enemies pumped full of a wretched amount of health and defense. If you weren’t playing a sniping based Zero, your odds of survival were dramatically decreased. And obnoxiously enough, the game had the nerve to toss in enemies with virtually no weakpoints (Big Game Hunt especially) so you were destined to fight a losing battle.

BL1? There’s no pressure at all to find weakpoints. Enemies seem to go down pretty quickly given your accuracy remains stable enough. Certainly, the enemies can still whoop yo ass without much effort (I’m dumbfounded by how ducking behind a rock still can’t protect me from getting nicked), but at the same time, they have very little health to fight with in the first place. Amazingly enough, I’m using some low level weapon I found early on… in the final boss fight! In BL2, you had to immediately ditch w/e weapon you found for another as soon as you go up a few levels in order to  remain competitive against your foes. But in BL1, anything goes. Just use w/e you have at your disposal and not worry so much about stats and more so about strategy! Some of it gets real abusable too.


The packed in DLC levels didn’t hurt either. Though most of them are quite disappointing, they re hilarious. General Knoxx getting pissed that he took orders from a 5 year old and kept bitching about it while sounding like an elderly Brock Samson from the Venture Brothers was gold. That doesn’t even begin to explain the better menu screens. Barely any lag in coop? Non-disorientating skill tree menu? Easier to find mission log? HELL YEAH!

What a FUCKING relief!

Then there’s the little things such as equipping character skills with different elements. If I wanted the turret or Bloodwing to be on fire or acid, VOILA and thats the fucking end of it! But noooooo, in number 2, the siren gets those perks! The only thing I could piss and moan about was the lack of corner maps to help find out where to go next, the lack of tangible story and how every environment is exactly the same damn barren wasteland/cave/junkyard, and how incredibly short it is, but if that’s the price for a more entertaining and fun ass game, so be it.

BL2 is, at this point, wasted potential. With all it’s bells and whistles, it’s ultimately buried under a pile of bullshit. Lame jokes trying to force memes on the internet (Catch a RIIIIIIIIIIIIIDE!), horrid drop rates for any decent weapon in a game where legendary gear is damn near a necessity for most cases, where you’re swamped with “Super Badass Loaders” at every occasion, the game is a complete chore to play in comparison to BL1. It feels like what Capcom did to RE6 and tried WAAAAAAAAAAY to damn hard to make it all “epic” and shit while making it such a drag that it comes crashing down on it’s own self-congratulatory vapid banal ego-driven content. BL1 is nowhere near as obnoxious as it’s sequel. Handsome Jack is still one of the best damn villains in gaming, though. Not to mention it’s actually what I wanted. A kind of Mad Max setting where you’re tearing through assholes trying to look for treasure, not some lame ass “resistance against the big bad corporate dictator” story that always seems to end up the same way in every plotline people come up with.

Unknown jackoff knows of corporation, doesn’t give a shit.
Corporation tries to kill said jackoff for non-specific reasons
Jackoff finds resistance and joins in because justice and… shit.
Jackoff and resistance does well for now.
Jackoff unintentionally leads corporation to the resistance hideout
Resistance is crushed and the leader’s (or significant person) life is now in danger. Jackoff initiates plan to rescue said leader
Jackoff defeats corporation in the process and saves the world.

Yeah, maybe not exactly the way it happened, but most of those details are damned accurate. At this point, it begs to be asked just how widespread this issue is cause I can’t be the only mother fucker in the known universe that sees the unmitigated shitstorm problem of why sequels are not living up to the expectations set by the first installments of their franchises. It is insane just how much disappointment I see in fanbases all across the board. Even the COD fanboys are just about tired of Activision’s bullshit. And damn sho, I’m tired of being disappointed by sequel after sequel where I’ve come to find that the devs or publishers schemed to completely fuck up some of the best franchises of all time, not just fucking them up, but destroying legacies by the dozen.

The utter banality that is the continuation of any franchise that started sometime in the 90s is literally impossible to escape, and it even seems that younger series that got their start in the 7th generation have already  gotten devs and pubs scheming to destroy their products with utter greed. We’re talking about an FPS/RPG hybrid that was completely fine in the first installment, but then some hippie asshole comes up and says that “our happiness is not profitable“! Afterall, in the religion of capitalism, keeping people in a state of anxiety and despair equates to creating demand for rampant DLC practices! So lets completely fuck up the damage scaling and make damn near every weapon you receive completely useless so that you’d be desperate enough to buy some Hunter upgrade pack just to be able to get through…. yet another unbalanced difficulty mode! And what would the reward be? Well, a collection of more useless fucking weapons! Well done!

Businesses that sell you things you actually need could get away with nickel and diming you for shit services because in your mind, you will actually need these services to go about your daily life. Junk entertainment is nothing you need at all. The crazy fucks in the industry, however, think they can get away with the same practices. Which is unfortunately working at the moment, seeing that most of the gaming public is now too terrified to leave their houses and buy things in a physical medium so that they have a semblance of ownership over their purchased products. So instead, everything is digital, even access to half the shit already on the CDs! Why is it that I can’t gain access to fighting game characters that are already on the game Netherrealm, Crapcom, Sony, etc? Afterall, 2 of these asshole factories had the nuts to release special editions with access to all the characters on the damn discs anyway.

Apparently, the game industry has gone MIA from the sanity department and jumped straight in a water filled with Great Whites as they ceaselessly destroy sequel after sequel in either an attempt to cheat you out of your money or to share a new “creative vision” that is in complete opposition to the wishes of the audience for no other reason than to attempt what could be considered selling teabags to customers who asked for Starbucks quality coffee! In no other entertainment industry have I ever seen a bunch of artistic douchbags imitate the insurance industries by fucking their customers over and over again while still expecting them to pony up for the impromptu involuntary ass fuckings.

None of this speaks louder than Nintendo’s desire to shove in as many assist trophies into Super Smash Bros. 4 in some vain attempt to apologize for not doing the logical thing and making some of those awesome assist trophies playable fucking characters! Have you seen most of the announcements for new characters come from the alternatively named pokeball characters are people who we’d actually prefer to be in this game over the Wii-fit assholes and the Village Idiot? Who’s that chick from Kid Icarus? I mean the last thing we need is a character worthy of being playable! No, lets shove that unholy bitch into statue format, and the audience had damn well better appreciate the fact that she’s at least given some “recognition” because…. in the depths of our own psyhosis, that’s all the nerds really care about! We saw it on, it must be true!

Start the water works!

Here’s a idea for you Sakurai, if the overwhelming amount of assist trophies are much cooler than the current roster you have for Super Smash Bros. then you have a problem and need to take your bitch ass back to the drawing board. Words cannot describe how utterly pissed I was when Lyn was announced as a goddamn trophy! Afterall, I needed more than just 2 piddly reasons (Ike and Sonic) to make up for the loss of my Mewtwo and the severely massive nerfs to some of the best characters (IE my Fox, Ganon and Mario) if only out of some misguided attempt to keep the game out of the hands of tourneyfags because you simply don’t adhere to their philosophy of playing to win. I don’t care what the reasons are. The assist trophies are a stupid addition to the series and only serves as an excuse for Nintendo to not do extra work on making more playable characters. Balance, you say? There’s no such thing in the world of fighting games! Either make them playable or keep them in the trophy menu.

Of course, I should expect no less from Japanese developers. These assholes would prefer nothing more than removing all semblance of player choice in video games altogether if it meant you playing the game the way they envisioned with no regard for your entertainment whatsoever. The Pokemon games could vouch for that with the amount of ways to obtain one pokemon vastly reduced to a limited and tedious process like Honey Trees or by trading with other people who may or may not have the Pokemon you desire. Or how about Resident Evil 6 with no regard for your desire to retrace your steps back to previous rooms in a game and have the mother fucking gall to place invisible walls in an auditorium so the only thing you can do is jump over a guard rail to initiate a fight against a mother fucking zombie T-Rex. Really crapcom? No wonder the gaming public ripped you a new asshole over the set piece ridden world of Resident Reposeful.

And the Jake and Sherry Campaign was the WORST fucking part of the whole title!


If it’s not the games that radically change all the elements of a game to fit their business or creative desires, it’s the sequels that change nothing but exemplify the WORST aspects of their prequels! What was the point of paying for Rayman Legends or NSMBU other than to have a graphically super version of the vanilla editions? This is laziness of the umpteenth degree! Not only does Rayman Legends not improve on anything Origins did, it also adds in little obnoxious bullshit gimmicks like Murfy so that you can solve puzzles while running away from a 1-hit kill firewall in a scripted running segment. I’ve never seen such disorientatingly horrific game design like this since Mega Man Network Transmission. There’s just some shit you cannot do in 2D platformers to rival 3D platformers in any way, what would you need to do so for? 2D Platformers are automatically superior by way of not needing to fiddle with the fucking camera, but you expect me to treat it like a 3D platformer by handing me 20 trillion smurf looking fuckers to find just to unlock, are you ready for this?…….. character skins. Not even cool ones, just a bunch of random shitty skins like “Lol character swapped color palettes”. That’s the best you can give me for a bloated fetch quest!? How about one of those hot bitches you took out from the last game being playable characters!? That’s motivation enough! Then again, I can’t imagine why I would bother unlocking them anyway, the main game is done and over with and as anti-climatic as that final boss was, it wouldn’t be worth the sex appeal anyway.

Holly Luya indeed.

Amma knows I was just about sick of Namco’s ass fuckings when concerning the state of the Soul Calibur franchise bursting it’s bubble of prosperity almost immediately after SC2 gave Zelda fans an actual Link that was so badass, he could rival the entirety of the SC cast just by having the strongest set of lungs in the world. Hey, here’s a grnd idea! Lets remove fan favorites like Kilik, Sophitia, Taki, Talim and hell lets toss the token nigga in the mix… and replace them with some bitch with a crystal ball and claws! It’s such a genius idea to invoke so many animu tropes in a game that was nearly void of any of that bullshit simply because, like every other japanese developer in the world, and focus on those goddamned otaku shit stains that aren’t even considered worthy of the air breathe! I can’t have Kilik because a monkey with a tapeworm is just that much more Kawaii to you asswipes? If I had to hear one more deathcry from him yelling “FOOOOOOOOOOOOD” for no other reason than to exaggerate his non-comical eating disorder, I will shit chain saws.

Lets not forget the idiocy of making Guard Impacts completely special move based and as complicated to remember because “we at Namco don’t value the absolute necessity for seasoned fans to get into a sequel because we want every game to be “unique” or some retarded shit” and then have the nerve to make guard impacts completely dependent on 2D fighting game logic of needing a goddamned fighting guage to activate the techniques. If SF3 Turd Strike necessitated super gauges just to pull off a single parry, the assholes at SRK would never ride the game’s nuts as much as they do. Soul Calibur is already far too lenient on button mashers in which the window for pulling off GI’s are too small now for some reason, now you remove their importance entirely for the sake of what fucking reason!? To make it “accessible” to newer players that DIDN’T buy the game anyway? Sure, we could take the bullshit about the game being rushed, but there was absolutely NO good reason to change the commands for character moves a SECOND/THIRD time in a row, or remove characters, turning Kilik and Sophitia both into mimics while also putting in Weapon Master making a totaly  of 3 different mimics, or making GI’s absolutely worthless and non-existent.

Soul Calibur 5 wasn’t rushed, it was made by some asshole on the Tekken team that wanted to literally kill the franchise if only so that he wouldn’t have to work on 2 different fighting games at one time. Nothing says this more than the inclusion of a “Devil Jin” soul in the CAS mode. Shameless promotion? Oh fuck no, this is Japanese passive aggression at it’s finest!

Even recent series that I start to get into immediately get fucked up, for whatever reason Ratchet and Clank Into The Nexus is such a bad game that I can’t bring myself to shut the hell up about it. If the inability to change the control presets and wretchedly short game length were no problem, then certainly it’s just how UN-Ratchet the game feels. There’s literally no comedy which was probably one of the major elements of the Ratchet and Clank series, turning the game into a more mild version of Sonic 06. Yes, I’m aware that Dead Space was a pretty popular survival horror game at some point, but Ratchet and Clank is not Dead Space! Putting “dark” areas in the game with eerie music and more fucked up looking villains that seem reminiscent of the Borg from Star Trek the Next Generation does not count as a Dead Space game! Especially considering that halfway through the game, the devs decided to ditch the “horror” element, w/e horror there was, and go back to a poor imitation of previous Ratchet and Clank titles without the funny or interesting environments.

By then, the game felt more obnoxious than cool, and the developers had the nerve to put in a museum of their past characters such as Drek or that guy from Deadlocked. And for some reason, the creator of the series feels the need to stamp his ass into the game in some vain attempt to gain creator god status amongst internet nerds so that he may be worshipped in the same way as Shigeru Miyamoto. Having a game that pisses me off with it’s wannabe AAA production values, buggy ass gameplay, shitty gimmicked Clank levels that you can’t skip and aren’t even remotely as fun as the clank modes in UYA or TOD, is not gonna warrant my lips stapled to your ass! The sheer self-congratulatory sequence of the museum right before the tedious “city under invasion” sequence reeks of “trying to hard to be epic” with what is one of the most anti-climatic final showdowns in the series yet. The final game in the Future series has no actual closure to the story of Ratchet’s separation anxiety from other Lombaxes in the series and could be mistaken for a mild spinoff. The only redeeming quality would’ve been the female villain that could actually be treated as a threat since Chairman Drek… up until the bitch gets captured and the game goes into the whole “what have I done” shtick of amateur writing that has pervaded the entertainment industry for quit some time now.

And I’m STILL seeing this fuckin movie, even though Ratchet looks retarded.

For once in this or last generation, I would like for a sequel that actually exceeds expectations instead of sending them shattering through the pits of the underworld where Ausar anxiously awaits to feed the souls of these horrid abominations to the jaws of Ammut. Ironically, the only sequel that manages to be decent came directly from Platinum Games. Yeah. Anarchy Reigns not only plays better than it’s Wiitarded cousin Madworld, but also has the decency to put itself in color so you wouldn’t get lost in the sprawling overworld mazes because every landmark you could find blends in too fucking well with the Sin City nut riding aesthetics. Add to it the lack of QTE styled death blows that got a little too repetitive for my tastes, and it’s an alright beat em up game that only suffers due to having only 4 stages and the same banality of needing to complete missions in order to gain a high score just to progress, making the game slower paced than Sonic’s Lost Mind! My one true hope, and I’m serious, is that if Guilty Gear Xrd comes stateside, it won’t be some ass fucked sequel as most other fighting games have become.

……..If this game does not kick ass…….



As people get older and times change, I realize more and more that people wish that they could go back in time. Back to an era of good music. Back to an era of good films. Back to an era of cheaper gas. Back to an era of rational laws. Back to an era where it’s not hard to get it up. And for us folks… back to an era where our favorite franchises didn’t suck ass.

I can count off at the top of my head every game series I enjoyed that has turned to shit these days. So much content fluctuation has given me cranky gamer syndrome for days. It seems like every developer that gets a hold of a series feels some impulsive need to change everything people loved about these franchises out of some irrational desire to reintroduce the property to a substituted audience. Whether it be children or the lowest common denominator of people who watch anything that looks like a trainwreck because standards have been dropped through the fifth levels of the underworld, straight through planet earth and into the burning sun. And that’s really the thing that bugs me. It feels like people decide that a fan that has been with the series for years is no longer important. Once you graduate from high school, you’re nothing to people that have a need to sell. Sonic, Castlevania, Resident Evil, w/e it is. It’s like people within the entertainment industry get spooked when audiences get old so they go through plastic surgery to try and alter everything about a series just to appeal to a younger crowd out of the assumption that when you come out of the womb, your tastes in entertainment are automatically different than the shit your parents enjoyed. Everyone goes berzerk and do more harm than good.

NO! NOT I!!!

Then, I play Bomberman Ultra or w/e is on PSN. It’s at this point I realize that despite Act Zero’s…. nonsense, Bomberman has never changed. It is literally the only franchise in the world that has decided to stand it’s ground and not lose it’s identity in a misguided attempt at maintaining relevance. This is one guy that I’m sure everyone could call a trooper. The games rarely change their tone or general gameplay.

My first experience with Bomberman was actually on the N64 with …B64. It was an alright game, I thought the single player was a bore, but dat music was incredible. I think it was only the 64 games that had all the good music. But then, I got Atomic Bomberman on PC and I didn’t look back. The game was the tits! Each Bomber having their own color coded explosions, the kick ass soundtrack, all the silly one liner commentary (“YOU DROPPED A BOMB ON MEEE”)

Color coded explosions ruled

Bombs too

This was the shit!

I never really understood why everyone hates this game so much. Sure it’s more over the top and not as “cutsy” as the original games, but damn it was awesome! And faster paced.

After the N64 era, it seems as with every other franchise after Sony took over everything, Bomberman completely vanished. It was no longer on the radar. We’ve had a couple of games (Generations and Jetters, along with those handheld titles), Grand Theft Auto and the numerous racing games modeled after Fast and the Furious took everyone by storm. Now, EVERY game had to be that way or hit the highway. The whole “kiddy” label was running rampant in this generation. Any game carrying that name was a disgrace to gaming! It’s not so highly sought after like it is these days, it was an insult back then. It’s like how people seek to be fat and gay as it becomes fashionable. Vices of the past become fashions of the present.

Reason being is, of course, this.

As you can see, eyebrows ascended into the heavens.

So now you got mother fuckers going around proclaiming how awesome it is that things get “cuter”. It’s to avoid shit like Act Zero from happening again.

But regardless of Hudson’s desire to quickly make up for it in the form of Bomberman Live, it’s something they were able to live down but never recover from. It’s absolutely crazy how people would regard Bomberman as a significant franchise….. and yet there is NO discussion of it’s merit whatsoever. Nothing about the quality of the games in the series, strats or tips for games, universe consistency, nothing.

I’m in the mindset that Bomberman was never popular to begin with and is only significant to the hardcore, and here I am praying I am wrong. Afterall, the series is already marred by a lack of marketing as it is, people can’t come to what they don’t know. The only game that sold well in the series was Bomberman 64.

Weird, but awesome 90s advertising.

Here’s the thing about series that people actually feel are significant. One, people know the traditional gameplay format and actually enjoy it. I don’t know a single a person that despises Bomberman’s gameplay, but it sho ain’t the talk of the town. Aside from 64 and Hero, the gameplay could be said to have stagnated as it has not improved much after the late 90s. The most they have now are new gameplay modes that no one bothers with, and little stupid “play dress up with crappy cartoony costumes” gimmicks. To my knowledge, Bomberman Jetters was the last game to actually add a few new features to it’s battle mode such as new level features like setting off rockets on people or having weather effect bomb detonation times (weird) as well as character specific special attacks (Flame Bomber was so broken). Beyond that, though, there isn’t that much more you can do with Bomberman’s gameplay.

Other than that, no one really knows about the series content (does it have content?). The main character isn’t exactly anyone’s cup of tea.

……even Kirby looks cooler.

Do you know what the fuck he’s supposed to be? Alien? Robot? Apparently the latter, I think the first game was about a robot Bomber wanting to become human. I think that failed for the most part as he looks nothing like Lode Runner later on in the series.

Or maybe this guy’s the original, idk…


He’s supposed to have his own arch nemesis known as Bagular or something.

Aw shit. They took Robotnik and Wily and forced them to go FUUUUUUUUUUUUU… SION! HAAAAAAAA! And what’s dat monocle?

Yeah, this fat bitch has been in several games in the series, most notably Bomberman Hero. He had like a red gas mask on in that game.

Does he not look like a pissed off santa claus?

So it’s like… he just started shit for no reason. Got his ass whooped so much from Bomberman 94, Super B 3 and 4, Neo B, B Hero, B World, B Wars and B Portable. He was supposedly responsible for creating the original 5 evil bombers from Super Bomber 1-3 I think.

Shit, I don’t even know what the series is about. It’s mostly just a random collection of levels where you kill stuff and move on. Kill bosses and move on to the next area. I don’t think people actually like the single player modes (and I know damn well people hated 64’s, Generations and Jetters slow ass puzzle fests) After multiplayer was brought into the series, that’s Bomberman’s trademark. Single player should honestly be like Bomberman Hero without the puzzles… and vehicles. Using the old format of bombing enemies to proceed is far too slow a pace for anyone to care for several levels on end. It’s too damn repetitive. It’s probably the reason why the international versions of Bomberman Blast on the Wii has no single player mode to speak of.

At the same time, it’s gotta feel like hell when the main character you play is a normal bomberman with basic abilities, while your enemies are enhanced bombers with magnet powers, daggers, flight, giant green shield waves or w/e awesome shit they can muster. And the evil bombers look cooler to boot.

Man, Bomberman looks sooooo lame in comparison to his competition.

Not to mention just how badly they would kick your ass! I mean they were probably the hardest bosses to ever fight in any game, they would just wreck your shit with no lube!

Fuck Orion

I think the N64 games were the only ones with decent content in them aside from Atomic. The music was actually decent and it tried to be a cool series of games.

Even the villains were tight.

After that, though, Hudson went into lame land and started making the series childish again. They tried to capitalize off the success of Pokemon with a Blue a Red version called “Bomberman Max” and had their own rip off pokemon called Charaboms.

Sweet Ra….

Needless to say, those plans backfired since Charaboms were implemented horribly. Battles played out in “programming simulations” where you select 3 set of strategies (Attack, Defend, Special) and watch the battle play out. Essentially, they made it into a gambling match where you wing it in a 3 round literal rock paper scissors match.

They were rightfully ditched after Jetters, though, but to no avail, it did nothing for the series image. So afterward, the series started going into some themepark shit called “Bomberman Land” where the heads started becoming ovals as they’re “just cuter” and it devolved into minigame bullshit. And the bombers got even lamer.

He doesn’t even have the mean Yakuza stare anymore!

People didn’t even want to go near the series anymore. Actually, people just up and forgot it exists. The only time anyone paid attention was with Act Zero’s make over. But the one thing that strikes me oddly is that people don’t let shit go in the video game world. We are STILL hearing about Sega’s terrible fuck up with the Saturn. Sonic 06 is STILL bitched about even though even SEGA wants to forget it ever happened. Act Zero? Hey, it’s cool man, w/e.

That’s a sure sign no one cares about Bomberman. It’s been under-promoted and is given no attention by the media as far as games go. You’ll never find a more isolated franchise that people consider important to this very day.

At the same time, the multiplayer aspect doesn’t resonate with todays anti-social OCD ridden teenagers/hardcore. Bomberman really only works in local multiplayer, it’s a party type of game. The kicking, the screaming, the random nature and accident prone tendencies the series produces creates an atmosphere that turns anyone into a kid inside. Online is the dimension of incredibly anal tourneyf- … I mean players who stress the importance of superiority in skill above all else. Bomberman’s multiplayer hasn’t been suitable for tournaments since… ever. These folks strip games down to their mechanics habitually. Not to mention that there’s far too many games that appease the online desires that pervade the hardcore world that Bomberman can’t really compete.  I’m playing Ultimate MVC3 (yeah, I bought it) and this bitch is prompting me 3 fucking times that I am not signed into PSN! I ain’t trying to risk a seizure trying to play some asshole who won’t stop spamming Zero’s asshole combos. With an environment that is dedicated to the alpha male, Bomberman is not worthy. How many people are still playing Bomberman Live now? How many people bought Bomberman Blast? Ultra?

We’re fuckin lucky people still talk about Sonic these days. Or even Pac Man (Got a tie-in cartoon/toy deal too). Bomberman isn’t even on the map. It’s one of the more under-discussed franchises around. Has no real controversy, has no real fanbase to speak of, and has no virtual success beyond the digital realm apparently. How is it that people can go around and consider Bomberman to be a significant mascot…. when no one gives a damn about the series?

On the other hand, I suppose it’s a good thing. People can just up and play the games without losing sleep over some crap some asshole might’ve said over the internet about it’s gameplay. IF… they care enough to play in the first place.

Reading this compels me to find one.

Idk.. uh… Sonic Doomed? Sonic Gloom? Sonic Bust? Sonic Bomb? Ah! I got it! Sonic Womb!

…….You know? Cause this sounds like an abortion? ……..Ah, fuck it. I’ll think of it later. Man, there are so many interviews lately. The game was only announced like… what? Last month and there’s already about 7 at most. We had the hour long video about 3 crackas talking about nothing but how awesome Frost is. Hoping this one won’t be a waste of time.

Hero of Legend: So Stephen Frost, as I already listened to the SEGABits interview just published about you, you’ve already said a lot about yourself, but just for readers here who haven’t heard that interview (and should right now!), would you like to give a brief introduction about yourself and talk about past experiences and such? I’d also like to hear about you as well Kellie Parker. I haven’t heard much about you, so take this opportunity to talk about yourself and your experiences at and prior to Sega.

Stephen Frost: Well, for those who haven’t heard about me, and I assume that most have not; I’ve been a producer at SEGA for almost eight years now. I’ve worked on a variety of titles ranging from the Sega Genesis Collection to Universe at War to some of the Marvel titles and Shinobi on 3DS.

I started in game development at a studio called Dynamix in Eugene, Oregon and eventually moved to California to work at Imagine Media. There, as Webmaster, I helped to build the foundation of what would eventually become The Imagine Games Network (IGN) before eventually jumping over to launch PSM: 100% Independent PlayStation Magazine.

Around seven years later, the desire to return to game development was too strong, so I jumped at the chance to join the team at Electronic Arts, where I worked on such titles as Armies of Exigo, Ty the Tasmanian Tiger 2 and Oddworld: Stranger’s Wrath. From there, I had a brief stint at an Activision studio (Z-Axis), working on some Marvel superhero properties before hanging my production hat at my current home at SEGA, where I’m now fully focused on Sonic Boom.

Kellie Parker: I’ve been working in online community for 15 years. I got my start on the IRC network TalkCity, which became a company called LiveWorld. While at LiveWorld, I worked on message boards and live online chats for many companies, including HBO, Showtime, Food Network, A&E, Intel, eBay, Slim-Fast, and MSNBC. I left LiveWorld to become the community manager for PC World and Macworld magazines, and after a few years there, I joined SEGA where I am the Senior Community Manager. I’ve been at SEGA for 5 and a half years now, and it’s been an amazing experience.

Oh Amma. It’s not even a minute in and it already sounds like a Nintendo Direct interview. Frost was involved with creating IGN? Well, now it’s confirmed that this project is really doomed. Who in the hell would trust Sonic in the hands of people who were involved with that cesspool of lies?

I wonder how many people had their hopes rise when these guys talked about their resumes of past projects such as Oddworld and Shinobi 3DS? I think after Sonic Chronicles and Star Fox Assault, you can’t trust a person’s past work as an indicator of a successful. I do have to question Kellie Parker’s “amazing experiences”. Last I checked, Sega employees absolutely despised working at Sega. Unless she’s in the European branch which I highly doubt.

HoL: I’ve been very curious about who exactly is the exact character design of Sonic and company here? I have my beliefs it’s Bob Rafei as he’s had a history of character design work at Naughty Dog (I believe he worked on designing Jak and Daxter themselves, please correct me if I’m mistaken) and he has indeed addressed himself as one in the recent interviews about Sonic Boom.

SF: The development of the main characters in Sonic Boom was a joint collaboration between Big Red Button, OuiDo Productions, Sega and Sonic Team. We definitely pulled a lot from Bob’s past experience as a character designer but a lot of people had input into the final designs you see today. Given all the different mediums that the characters will appear in (games, cartoon, toys, etc.), it was important to make sure that the character designs met the needs of each of those.

Well, it probably only met the needs of the cartoon. I’m not quite sure how well Sonic merchandise sells. I still see loads of unsold Sonic plushies lying around my job. Or maybe those prices are too jacked up to sell at all, understandably cheap ass customers and all.

It just seems really bonkers that they think the character designs would do well on a video game with an established fanbase that isn’t growing anytime soon, and will be ultimately diminished if this series becomes permanent for the west. Seeing as OuiDo also had input raises some eyebrows. Now it’s like all these different companies just didn’t know what the hell to do with these characters and decided to slap whatever they thought was “adventurous” onto them. If Sonic Team despises the designs, they probably had less input than what Frost is letting on. Can’t see why OuiDo would benefit from screwing up Knuckles’s design, though. I figured they were just there for the animation work in the cartoon.

HoL: You (Stephen) spoke about the composers not being set in stone, but I am curious if perhaps you’ll lean towards Sonic Team veterans like Jun Senoue, or maybe perhaps work with composers who are familiar to the people at BRB who worked at Naughty Dog and Insomniac prior, such as Mark Mothersbaugh and Josh Mancell who worked on Crash Bandicoot and Jak & Daxter, or perhaps David Bergeaud and others who worked on the Ratchet & Clank series?

SF: At this time, we are not talking about the soundtrack or the musicians involved in the game. We should have more details at E3, though.

Well that’s an oddly bold way to say “I can’t discuss this right now or I might get fired.” What kind of response is that? Music isn’t such a big ass secret to keep until you get to the Electronic Gaming Expo. Most people don’t care about music until or unless they play the game. Or hear about it online.

Idk, the way he phrased his answer irked me. If the guy didn’t have any details yet, he could’ve just said so.

HoL: I am actually also really interested in knowing more about the names of people at Big Red Button involved with the game, more specifically just how many people who worked at Naughty Dog and Insomniac because of the key folks from the companies are known to be working on this game. I’ve done my own research about this and have found some interesting results.

I’m a dedicated researcher, I love knowing who works on games and what they’ve done before. Knowing just who’s behind a game can really generate a lot of anticipation and confidence that the game is in fantastic hands, in my opinion. And so far some really amazing people have been seen to be working on Sonic Boom.

SF: Well, I would like to be respectful of all the team members and not mention them by name, but there is definitely a lot of talent at Big Red Button. We’ll be sure to put as many of them in the spotlight as possible as we get further along with the project. However, at a management level, we have folks who have worked on such franchises as Crash Bandicoot, Jak & Daxter, Uncharted, True Crime, Shrek, God of War, PlayStation All-Stars Battle Royale, Ghostbusters and Simpsons, to name a few.

This guy’s really not answering a damn thing, is he? You’re better off licking shit out of a dog’s ass than getting dirt from Frosty the Silent.

HoL: I’d like to ask about the 3DS version of the game. I understand Sanzaru Games is behind this version and they’re most well known to have carried the torch of the Sly Cooper series from Sucker Punch. I’d like to know if this version will be for example a 3D platformer as well, also if maybe it will have it’s own style, like maybe it could be cel-shaded like Sly Cooper: Thieves in Time as they made just prior, similar to how the Wii U version is very similar in style to Jak & Daxter.

SF: At this time, we aren’t talking about…..

There he goes with that “we aren’t talking about” shit again. I don’t know about you 3 folks, but I’m starting to think mother fuckers just don’t know how to talk to people anymore. If you are trying to keep things on the low down, don’t agree to go to any fucking interviews! Looking at your resume of positions, you should know mother fuckers are starved for info since there’s hype being generated about how this is the YEAR OF SONIC! But hell, you already dropped dimes on why the characters were changed and crappy novelties no one asked for like the tether system, you can’t do much worse than give info on how the 3DS version will be aside from just “different”. I mean damn!

HoL: Again about the 3DS version, is it likely to feature some connectivity with the Wii U version? Sonic Lost World already did so I personally wouldn’t be surprised if it did.

SF: The 3DS game will have some connectivity with the Wii U but details of that have not yet been announced.

You could just spit it here. THEN it can be announced! Unless Sanzaru is keeping info from you.

HoL: Also, as a fan of platformers that allow you to just relax and look around to your heart’s content, I’ve always been a huge fan of freely movable cameras, whether it’s just to swing 360 degrees around a character, or even as a first-person view to look up into the sky or down to your feet

You might have bad taste, bud.

is there a camera system like this in place so fans can look at the pretty environments from anywhere? Sonic Lost World and also the three Sonic games prior at least (Unleashed, Colors, Generations) did not have this at all or extremely minimally, but the Sonic Adventure games, especially the first really used this very well, and it was sorely missed.

Uh… sorry Hero of Legend, but no one misses Adventure’s shit ass cameras. If I had a dime for the amount of times that bitch got stuck when I tried to look around for that damn 3rd emerald….

HoL: Bob Rafei mentioned to The Guardian about there actually being 2D gameplay in the game. Is this more or less like Classic Sonic again, or is it actually more like the 2D sections in Crash Bandicoot? Also how much of them are there in the game? I would think the game is very much mostly 3D, hopefully with only a few 2D bits sprinkled in, just my personal opinion.

SF: As with most Sonic titles, where there is generally a mix of 3-D and 2-D-based gameplay. Sonic Boom will be no different. Given the focus on exploration of this new world for Sonic, we generally wanted to focus on 3-D. However, given our desire to deliver a “familiar but new” experience, you can bet that elements like the 2-D-based gameplay will certainly show up, but maybe with a few twists.

Huh… so that’s what… 8 interviews?

I’m insulted by Frost’s claim that putting in a camera perspective will be “familiar but new”. Course for all we know, he’s probably not referring to “2D sections” but little cute shit from the old 2D games like Lost Mind’s cannons from Oil Ocean Zone.

A familiar but new experience would be Sonic 4 Episode 2. A game that, while still being a poor imitation, feels damn near close to a Sonic game people are familiar with, but is still generally new enough to stand out. Sonic Boom sticks out worse than Lost Mind. Instead of poorly imitating the look of Sonic while implementing the play of Mario, Boom implements the look of Sony’s big 3 platformers with the PLAY of All 4 One! At the moment, I fail to see ANY inspiration that came from any Sonic game at this point.

HoL: Are you able to give a detailed enough idea on what the characterizations of Sonic, Tails, Knuckles, and Amy will be? People are wondering if Knuckles will be on the less-than-intelligent side and if Amy will still go cuckoo for Sonic for instance? Tails is also in question as some are wondering if he’s going to be snarky as it were? (some point out his facial expressions art) Also curious if the brotherly bond between Tails and Sonic will be developed on.

SF: I am certainly aware that the characterizations for Sonic and team are a big discussion point amongst the fans out there. We know it’s important and we spent a lot of time working out how these characters should behave and act. It’s obviously key to be true to their original designs, but we also need to balance them out a bit, while accenting certain personality traits so that folks not too familiar with Sonic can quickly and easily understand who these characters are and what they’re like. This is the same philosophy that influenced the overall visual character designs for the characters. With Amy, for example, we aren’t really meaning that she is a strong, independent and acrobatic character only in Sonic Boom. She has been that way in other games. In Sonic Boom, though, these aspects of her character will really be emphasized in the story and gameplay in order to make it clear to everyone that this is how she is.

More proof of his Amy fanboyism. He asks a question for ALL characters and specifically if Knuckles is going to go full retard…. and this teabag asshole goes on about Amy’s abilities exclusively. It’s like Christopher Nolan who went all out to characterize the philosophies behind Batman and his rogues, these people care too fucking much about emphasizing her abilities.

Honestly, Amy being acrobatic in a franchise where Blue Hedgehogs can turn Yellow and KILL GODS AND DEMONS, and destroy armadas of warships in a matter of seconds…. is not impressive! Children and girls in particular are going to be disappointed at Amy’s lackluster abilities unless they decide to turn her into… fucking Batman or whatever. I…I really think they’re going to nerf Sonic, Tails, and Knux just to express how important Amy is to the team.

They’re not even trying to fix the broken parts.

HoL: People are wondering where the idea of the Enerbeam came from? It’s certainly a new concept for the series.

SF: The original concept for the Enerbeam came from the general idea of us wanting a physical manifestation of the friendship between the main characters, something that connected them all together in a visual way.

I am seriously trying to resist the urge to scream gay. Why in the hell are you putting animu concepts into a western exclusive game!?

Now that I think about it, the Enerbeam sounds like a concept taken from Power Rangers or even Digimon, where the kids…sorry, “characters” find some ancient relics to save the world from the forces of evil. That’s what it’s starting to sound like, and is DEFINITELY a concept of CHILDREN’S shows. Sounds more like Sonic Underground where the children of the queen had medallions to summon instruments and play like a band to destroy the forces of evil. Ugh… I am so mad that Knuckles had to appear in that trash heep of a cartoon.

Can’t believe I actually found this issue.

It plays a role in all major aspects of the game, including navigation, combat, and interaction with the world, but is designed to enhance the gameplay, not detract from it. The uses for the Enerbeam are built to be fun and, again, build upon the character-specific abilities that each character has.

That is not a good thing. Gimmicks have done more harm to Sonic as people always felt tied to using them in order to progress (even in Shadow). Seriously, it’s needed for navigation!? Can’t Tails just whip up some map… computer shit?

Yeah, yeah, I get it. Different universe, different qualities, that jazz.

HoL: Is there teamwork in gameplay?

…….I would think that kind of info would’ve been obvious considering all the hype about “synergy” or some wild shit.

we have what I prefer to call “working as a team” but it isn’t really like either of those two games. Our teamwork dynamic is a bit more organic than what is found in Sonic Heroes or SA3.

Wow, he thinks an SA3 actually exists. Way to go, Facebook.

You aren’t hitting a button to have another character come over and perform a team-based attack, for example. Something like that doesn’t really work in a co-op setting since we wouldn’t want to take control away from the other player. It’s more like actually, physically working together. So, in combat, for example, maybe there is an opening that both characters would need to take advantage of at the same time to damage an enemy. Or, maybe there are navigational challenges that would require both players to work together in order to get past.

Forced Coop Actions confirmed. I’ve had enough of that shit in All 4 One. Great. Insomniac has a chance to fix Sonic, and they choose their least appealing Ratchet game as a blueprint for fucking gameplay!

Forced Coop Actions DO take control away from the players, btw. Any segment that requires specific actions like attacking an enemy at the same time or needing to do something “in harmony” to get by an obstacle takes away player choice and experimentation. When people have the FREEDOM to do as they please to get passed an obstacle, the game becomes more organic, dynamic. FUN! But limiting the player to specific patterns equates to WORK. Ratchet and Clank is considered a fun series (a sentiment I highly agree with), so why do so many people despise All 4 One? Well, ok, it IS the kiddiest game in the franchise, no doubt about that, but the gameplay department feels more like work than anything enjoyable. Coop games really work when both players can enact their own strategies for solving problems. It makes the players feel smarter or clever enough to get through the game by their own natural and genuine smarts. Not some factory made scripted process you have to perform just to get through the game.

I suppose this is one of the perks of FPS’s again. Lack of bullshit like F.C.A.’s (could you imagine having to do something in unison with all the reduced visual information you’d have at hand!?)

HoL: We’ve seen most of the characters show their trademark abilities, but so far we haven’t seen Sonic perform a Spin Dash or seen Knuckles Glide, will they have these abilities? Also in terms of combat could Tails perhaps use his tails to whack things again? They’ve been out of the combat field since Sonic Adventure 2, and that was in the Chao Garden!

SF: While we have not yet revealed all the character-based abilities, what you have seen in the announcement trailer does reflect a decent number of them. We definitely want to include as many classic abilities and attacks for each of the main characters, as possible, but some of them would not be useful or work properly in the game we are building.

Translation: Yeah, Sonic, Tails, and Knux are gettng nerfed. But Amy will be just so fuckin awesome!

SF: As a final thought, I just want to thank all the fans out there who have gotten involved in forum discussions, created artwork and sent me comments. It’s great to read and see everything you all have been doing in relation to Sonic Boom. Please keep it up. I love the passion and excitement….

Bitch please. Ain’t no excitement goin around on forums beyond the desire for the game to bomb.

I’ve never read such an asshole interview since I stopped reading Nintendo crap. So many questions dodged, so many fears confirmed, and not even a musician mentioned. So much “we ain’t talkin, bitch!” remarks, it’s almost too funny to be pathetic.

This could be no less attributed to their preconceived hatred of all things western, but it is funny when you have people describing the team not wanting to look at the screen, the designs were that ugly. Could you imagine if the Sonic characters were given pants?

*looks at Wave and Rouge* Ahem… aside from spinoffs?

This could be the real reason the game won’t be in Japan. As high strung as those mother fuckers are, they might think this game being released with those designs would be some sort of disgrace.

It also sheds some light on how much Sonic Team themselves actually care about the Sonic franchise and not so much Sega itself. I can’t speak much on behalf of Iizuka as he’s been more of a nuisance since Sonic 3, but if even he hates the designs, then at least he’s showing good taste.

This could mean that Sega (separate from S-Team) doesn’t give a shit about Sonic. Just make something to sell it. Which is normal at this point. Japanese publishers seem to be taking a tyrannical turn during their continued economic implosion where the managers are all eating asshole sandwiches, flipping off their fans, and doing whatever they can to rake in money.

Afterall, Sonic Team is nothing more than Sega’s personal sweatshop now. It’s a little oddball that only this specific division is the main one creating subpar games per year while other development teams within the company are given so much leg room to make better titles that… still don’t sell. If they didn’t care about their products, they wouldn’t be so squeamish about Boom’s awful designs.

Damn you Hajime Saotome.

Aww fuck. IGA left Konami

Well, dammit.

Seems like the only Castlevanias we’ll be getting are the asstripe LOTR fanboy fantasies filled with orcs and werewolves and less unique monsters like venusweed.

i’ll give IGA this. Even though the series was turned into an RPG Metroidvania, the games enhanced Castlevania’s world. It felt unique with it’s gothic, dark fantasy setting in comparison to…. any other dark fantasy kind of game. There was something about IGA’s CV titles that always drew me back into them. The giant sprawling castles with demonic forces with Count Dracula at the helm, the good ass music and remixes…. Castlevania was simply the tits with him around.

Sure, the games haven’t sold gangbusters like LOS did, and they’re piss easy, but IGA knew how to make a fun game. He knew how to take a concept from Nintendo and actually make it enjoyable instead of running it into the ground like so many developers do. Honestly speaking, his CV titles were more like Metroid than Super Metroid was. Not feeling pressured into needing to find specific powers(keys) just to progress by running into a million dead ends where you are told that you need something to progress before heading in, and if I’m being honest, the CV series has had some of the most enjoyable boss fights I’ve had the pleasure of partaking in for any game. I hated the RPG elements, but the games seemed to forget that they were there as leveling up seemed to only help in doing more damage rather than being a necessity.

Yeah, the guy dick rides Castlevania 3 for all it’s worth and completely undermined the value of the Belmont legacy by making it so ANYONE could just kill Dracula, one has to admit that the series had plenty more entertainment value than it ever did by using the stiff ass controls of the first five games.

Oh well, I wish him lucks on his personal studio, but he’s gonna be off the radar like Inafune and Mikami. Japanese indies from big companies become irrelevant when they leave.

Here… and here.

Emily Rogers is one of the few journalists on the internet that seems to make sense. She’s got well researched articles, and in particular, I enjoyed the one that smacks down the hype about Nintendo’s “family friendly” approach. It certainly woke up some hedz in the Sonic fanbase about their fanatical defense of making Sonic exclusively for children.

I’m a little disheartened that she could write such a bullshit article in regards to the Star Fox franchise. Specifically, putting up an argument for why Star Fox can’t be rebooted (easily). The very nature of this article seems less about informing people about specific problems with making Star Fox relevant and seems more hostile towards the rabid fanboys online. It reads like a typical forum post.

Everyone criticizes Nintendo’s treatment of Star Fox, but who exactly is the audience for Star Fox? Last year, Japanese gamers were asked in a survey about what their top ten favorite Nintendo franchises were. Star Fox was not listed anywhere in the top ten for males or females. In fact, more women in Japan prefer Pikmin over Star Fox, and males preferred F-Zero over it as well. The “Mother” franchise hasn’t released a new installment since 2006, but the franchise was ranked at number 7 for Japanese men

Considering the Japanese aren’t really into science fiction as much as the western world, this is obvious. There’s nothing in Star Fox that appeals to the Japanese as it was made in the hands of a western developer. Western developers understand their own market better than they understand (or care about)  Japan’s. That said, we’ve no details about the demand for a Star Fox game in the western territories. The Japanese aren’t gonna pick any franchise with anthromorphic animals that don’t scream cute.

That said, the audience would be in western territories, exclusively. Unfortunately, Nintendo is not in the interest of catering to baka gaijin which is why they killed off the Star Fox franchise while continuing to make Pikmin games that don’t sell.

Contrary to popular belief, Star Fox is not an easy franchise to reboot. The franchise is too hardcore to appeal as a family game like “Mario Kart”, “New Super Mario Bros”, and “Wii Sports”. It struggles to appeal to the Titanfall/Gears of War audience because it has talking animals for protagonists. Star Fox struggles to attract small children because the characters aren’t drawn cutesy and adorable like Yoshi, Kirby, or Animal Crossing. Nobody plays Star Fox at competitive tournaments like Super Smash Bros or Pokemon. It lacks Japanese appeal like Monster Hunter, Persona, Dragon Quest, Fire Emblem, etc.

Ok, one, a game does not have to make Mario Kart numbers to be a success. Two, Star Fox was never a “family” game to begin with, and despite writing an entire post on why the family centered strategy of game making that Nintendo has had up it’s ass was nothing but a farce, it’s now some sort of necessity for Star Fox to sell. Three, if children are drawn to Ratchet and Clank and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2 franchises that don’t focus on anything cute about their characters), Star Fox is not out of the question. Yoshi and Kirby haven’t been relevant since… ever. And why would being featured at a tournament actually matter to people?

This whole statement is oddball in itself. As the entire article ousts Star Fox as being a viable franchise based on gameplay reasons alone, but does not explain why Star Fox has no appeal to any audience.  This is important later on.

The shoot em’ up genre began life in the arcades with games like Space Invaders and Space Harrier. If someone enjoyed an arcade game, they were later influenced to purchase the home console version. Unfortunately, the technology of home consoles began to rival arcades, and this forced many arcades to eventually close down. The demand and interest for shoot em’ ups was weakened, and the genre became increasingly niche by the mid 90′s.

It’s not at all technology, but rather convenience. In America at least, video games on consoles simply had more entertainment value, and you didn’t have to leave home just to play a game. Not to mention going to a specific arcade didn’t mean your favorite game was going to be there for a long time. If you enjoyed Simpsons arcade, you better enjoy it while you can because eventually it might get replaced. But buying a game from the store? You get to keep it indefinitely. Not to mention a lot of console games (outside of maybe fighters) were just that much more appealing.

The convenience of the video game console was what rivaled arcades.

Star Fox isn’t relevant today because the gameplay never offered anything original to begin with. Maybe it deserves credit for improving on existing formulas, but its contributions to the genre have been vastly overrated. Parappa the Rapper contributed more brand new ideas to the rhythm music genre than Star Fox has contributed to rail-shooters and shoot em’ ups.

Ok, the originality clause is a poor argument. Video games do not sell on original or creative ideas, but rather quality of entertainment value that is delivered. Star Fox prior to Adventure and Assault had enough entertainment value to carve out a decent audience.

The gameplay of Nintendo’s newest games such as the Galazy’s and Link between Worlds showcases “originality” in each installment, but as we see, people rush toward the games that have no originality. Every Call of Duty is derided as un-evolving, but continue to sell gangbusters until Ghosts. People do not give a shit about originality outside of content. Castlevania Lords of Shadow has unoriginal gameplay AND content, but miraculously manages to sell way beyond the CV fanbase’s expectations. Lets face it, everyone knows the Simpsons did it. But doing something first and then doing it well are 2 different things. Street Fighter 2 wasn’t the first fighting game to have special moves, but they did it extremely well to become an arcade phenomenon. Space Harrier, Galaxy Force, etc. might have been hailed for technical achievements, but no one even cares about those games these days as they have no content to speak of. That and they played like shit. It’s something that at least Star Fox can claim.

The Star Fox franchise sells best when it’s the first game to introduce gimmicky technology. When Star Fox isn’t the first to introduce gimmicky technology, it becomes just another rail shooter to throw on the pile.

“Just another rail shooter” would be something along the lines of Resident Evil Darkside Chronicles. Dead Space Extraction. House of the Dead Overkill. Time Crisis. Games where you can only move the crosshair and have to mke twitch moves to shoot enemies furiously. That shit got saturated real quickly on Wii at least.  Star Fox barely plays anything like a typical Rail Shooter. You have a CHARACTER to move, making it more about maneuverability to avoid taking damage rather than furiously shooting enemies and projectiles. If anything, Star Fox would’ve been a breath of fresh air on the Wii. Not to mention Star Fox had it’s own gameplay quirks that made it far more interesting than your typical rail shooter. Completing different objectives in stages meant gaining access to newer, hidden levels. 64 was a game that kept people interested in exploring the entirety of the Lylat System. Not just having a branching path in single levels that only lead to different areas, you actually had to work to get brand new levels during a playthrough. That adds replay value in itself.

The first Donkey Kong Country and the original Star Fox share some similarities with each other. Neither game reinvented their respective genres with innovative gameplay, but they blew everyone away with their graphics.

And DKCR does nothing special. Yet it still sells.

I’ll give her the gimmicky tech angle. Star Fox wouldn’t be anything worth of interest if not for 3D graphics. After this point, however, Star Fox has solidified it’s place as a franchise that people have demanded sequels for regardless of graphics. Technology has advanced to the point that it’s a waste of time and money to make anything gimmicky anymore. Adding to that, Star Fox 64 isn’t remembered for gimmicky tech like the first game was. How many people care about Gyromite when it’s gimmick was ROB the toy robot? Or that puzzle game? Does Star Fox not warrant any merit for being a quality title for being remembered for more than the Rumble Pak?

If DKCR is proof of anything, no video game is required to have gimmicks to sell anymore.

Star Fox Command was NOT the first game to show off the Nintendo DS touchscreen. Therefore, most people weren’t excited about Star Fox Command using the touchscreen…..Star Fox Adventures and Star Fox Assault didn’t introduce any new pieces of gimmicky technology, and therefore, most people didn’t pay any attention to them.

Command wasn’t even a rail shooter. It was a poor experimental strategy line-drawing game that shoe-horned the touch screen into the game for no reason. It was a HORRIBLE game, and sold like ass as a result. This isn’t an example as to why Star Fox can’t be rebooted. Technology is no longer an issue.

Adventures and Assault had their own issues. When you establish a gameplay element of a franchise, you establish the expectations of that audience. Adventures did not meet the expectations of Star Fox’s audience by forgoing the rail shooter mechanic in favor of being a Zelda clone as well as being a drastic departure from Star Fox content in general. Assault had the same problem, where aerial  dog fights were marginalized in favor of ground missions that were boring and tedious to play through. And the game was the beginning of Star Fox being turned into a space opera that rubbed everyone the wrong way.  People imagined Star Fox as that saturday morning cartoon of animal space warriors kickin ass, not some animu shit stain between whether or not Fox admits he has a hard on for Krystal.

Grouping Star Fox into a non-Star Fox game, making a shallow sequel, and making a strategy game killed Star Fox, not the lack of gimmicks. You can’t have an audience for a franchise that only has one or 2 games they only like. If you’re not going to build off the game in a series people like, it’s going to struggle in the long run.

Using poorly designed games as examples of Star Fox’s dependency on gimmicks is rather under-handed, I might add. Nintendo (as a Japanese company) barely cares about games that don’t appeal to Japanese tastes, so they do what any other company would and passes them off to other teams to make them. It’s a little shocking that Namco couldn’t make a decent Star Fox game themselves, but past history of talent doesn’t = good team to dole out a game plan for.

The main story modes of “Star Fox” and “Star Fox 64″ didn’t last much longer than two hours, and they were both originally released at the price of $60-$70. The best Star Fox games were designed as short games that players would replay multiple times to unlock everything. Nowadays, too many gamers care more about a game’s length instead of it’s replay value, and today’s gaming media would absolutely crucify a $50-$60 Star Fox game that is shorter than five hours long without some extremely solid online multi-player.

This is assuming that a Star Fox game would automatically be priced that high for a short length. Despite high development costs and a necessity to rake in profits, against all logic and reason, Ratchet and Clank into the Nexus released at $30. Why? because the game is incredibly short, only containing 4 worlds and having no replay value to boot. That’s awfully generous.

That said, I don’t see how a short game is automatically a non-seller. New Super Mario Bros. (both versions) are both short, piss easy, and break sales records on occasion. Sonic 4 Episode 2 only has 4 levels, tops PSN sales charts, even beating Final Fantasy. The REAL problem with short games are when they offer no real entertainment value in their short time frame. Star Fox 64 3D is a remake with no extra bells or whistles added. People have played the shit out of SF64 on N64 and Wii combined. Making a remake with nothing else besides the main game was foolish on Nintendo’s part. A short game is not bad in itself. A short game  with nothing to compensate for being short is.

That’s why games could get away with being high priced and short back then. The games weren’t piss easy where you’d beat the game in one sitting. Developers think gamers are pussies today via making games for children. And were still captivating enough for people to keep replaying them.

Giving Star Fox an on-foot adventure wasn’t Miyamoto’s mistake. That was a good idea because the action/adventure genre is the only way to broaden Star Fox’s marketing appeal in the long run.

It never was. People have expectations of certain franchises. When people like Star Fox for the space wars, that’s what the hell they want. There’s no evidence to support a game building off of SF64 would not broaden Star Fox’s marketing appeal. A couple of reviewers complaining about a remake’s game length isn’t enough

Would a Star Fox game having more stuff to do actually help? Of course. But no one wants Adventure elements in their Star Fox. If it played anything like Ratchet and Clank, no one would have a problem.

The ideas behind Star Fox Assault and Star Fox Adventures were good, but even the best ideas can end up with sloppy execution or below average results. Unfortunately, people use those two games as evidence on why Star Fox shouldn’t explore the action/adventure genre more. Yes, Star Fox Adventures sold one million units which is less than Star Fox 64′s three million units, but GameCube’s install base was also significantly smaller than Nintendo 64′s install base.

Super Smash Bros. Melee has sold more than the original on the N64 despite having a smaller install base. Metroid Prime has sold more than Metroid Fusion despite having a smaller install base. Metroid Prime 3 has sold less than Prime 1 despite having a higher install base. Skyward Sword has sold less than Ocarina of Time even with the higher install base.

What’s Star Fox Adventure’s excuse? Having little to nothing of what people enjoyed about the originals. Assault would’ve made it out better had ground missions not been a bore or so disproportionately numerous in comparison to the segments people enjoyed.

Star Fox could learn a lot from how Rareware’s “Donkey Kong Country” series reinvented and modernized the ‘Donkey Kong’ intellectual property for a new generation of gamers. The “Country” trilogy made Donkey Kong feel cool and hip again with 90′s kids who were obsessed with cool and edgy mascots like Sonic the Hedgehog and Earthworm Jim. It established Donkey Kong’s universe with an entire family of Kongs, an entire cast of enemies, and a wide selection of animal buddies.

This paragraph more or less kills Emily’s entire argument. Throughout the entire article, she hammers in that Star Fox could not be anything without it’s dependency on gimmicky technology, yet goes in to admit that Donkey Kong Country could compete by having good content. Nowhere does she praise the  gameplay which is understandable as the game was terrible. But if Donkey Kong can get away with cool content, there’s no reason Star Fox couldn’t. If anything, Star Fox has all the potential in the world to become bigger than it is. Unless she is implying Star Fox has bad content.

Going a bit further, putting Star Fox on Dinosaur Planet WAS a grave mistake on Nintendo’s part. The stories and universe of Dinosaur Planet muddled with Star Fox’s on universe by reducing an entire galaxy with a single star based in prehistoric times. Why would anyone want to move away from inter-galactic warfare with scifi elements, surreal technology, and some creepy aliens… for generic reptiles? Content fluctuation had taken hold and the Star Fox franchise had already suffered by the time we get to Assault, which seemed like a half-hearted apology at best.

More over, Donkey Kong Country really sold for the same reasons Star Fox did. Good graphics. While it is mentioned, it is made out to be a minimal factor of DKC’s success.

This goes back to what I said earlier. There is no explanation for why Star Fox has no appeal beyond gameplay reasons or blunt assumptions about audience tastes. People who are into Gears of War or Titanfall weren’t going to be a target audience for Star Fox either way, and having cute characters has never been a requirement to appealing to children. I have no idea where that came from.

Games like “Donkey Kong ’94″ and “Mario vs DK” were great.

Now you’re breaking my balls.

Nobody has a problem with Mario having two RPG series (“Paper Mario”, “Mario & Luigi”). Many Wii U owners were cool with Zelda having a Dynasty Warriors spinoff franchise called “Hyrule Warriors”. Nobody complained when Donkey Kong Country ditched the old 80′s arcade gameplay and imitated “Super Mario World”. Everyone loves when Nintendo tries experimental ideas with Kirby like “Kirby Canvas Curse”. There are no complaints when Pokémon gets spinoffs like “Pokémon Snap”.

It’s because fans of those franchises were still getting games that meet their expectations. That and no one cares about Kirby.

Compare to franchises like Sonic which keep shafting fan demand in favor of experimental gameplay elements and even worse content than a Bomberman game. People who like Pokemon’s main games can still enjoy Pokemon’s main games without being usurped by an experimental design philosophy running amok at the company. When Adventures was being made, where was the Star Fox people really wanted? People had to wait a good 9 years to get an appropriate sequel, and that turned out to be mediocre.

The real reason for Star Fox’s irrelevancy is the same reason for Earthworm Jim, Sonic the Hedgehog, and Mega Man. Mishandling of the franchise. Nintendo couldn’t give a damn about Star Fox as the ideas of the series came from “American scum“. Attaching it to a zelda clone pissed gamers off. Handing it off to Namco because they didn’t want to bother further pissed people off. Shifting genres into tactical strategy further pissed people off. Consistently shitty games become irrelevant to gamers. Being attached to a specific genre doesn’t make it irrelevant by itself. Mario Galazy wouldn’t sell being a 3D Platformer had it not been Mario on the cover. There is nothing to imply that Star Fox could not sell in this environment as no one has made a game good enough to be fairly judged today. If game length is the primary issue, it can easily be rectified.

This article feels less like Rogers and more like hardcore gamer logic. Furthermore, all the “what-if” scenarios about if Star Fox had no 3D is also irrelevant and feel more so an attempt to further deride the Star Fox series of any merit just by looking plainly into it’s game rules. If a game is fun and entertaining, people will come to it. Writing off the Star Fox series based on the fact that it’s “just another  Rail Shooter” is dishonest and mis-informative. There aren’t many rail shooters that people have memories of in comparison.

And honestly speaking, if Nintendo’s wasting money on games no one buys anyway, they might as well waste it on a franchise with some balls.

All deez contradictions, mang.

This might as well be a requested post, but what evs. My interest in Sonic Boom is on the same level of interest I have in Smash 4. Which I suppose is intentional, merchandise driven and all. What I can’t stand is how these interviews seem to be filled with ineffective PR wizardry. Since someone else already pointed out the blatant hypocracy, me doing the same thing would be quite redundant. I mean…. what the hell else could you rip apart from this thing?

When working with a franchise with a passionate core fan base and a long history, how do you approach it?
BR: With respect and reverence. It would be irresponsible of us to be self-indulgent with our creative choices without conscious reflection on canon and what loyal fans expect.

This is bullshit considering his previous interview where he did not take in consideration of how fans would react to uglier redesigns.

Just say it mother fucker.

Beyond that is the same old tripe that usually makes my piss boil. The whole tripe about an accurate spirit of Sonic shows they have no real idea of what the hell Sonic is while putting the series in the same universe as Jak and Daxter. The shit about not allowing external forces influence their decisions (which means excluding fan input and further shows these developers are in the interest of their own creativity rather than the satisfaction of the audience because… that’s what all the shitty developers do these days). But really, the whole thing can be summed up as this.

You could read the entire interview and get the gist of it just from the fact that he wants the game to be “accessible”. Cause you know, the main game is just an “excuse plot” in itself. Why, people play games for the stuff that comes AFTER the 6-20 hours of game time you put into it (I’m looking at you Nintendo franchises/RPGs like Monster Hunter and Borderlands 2). Why? Probably some preconceived notion that children are pants shitting retards that can’t do basic shit in a video game.

And ages 9-11 know damn well how to play video games. I don’t know what kind of shit bird would think kids in that age range have some sort of disability that prevents them from playing games well enough to get far into them without being coddled. Cause that’s what “accessibility” is really for. To make things work for people with disabilities. The only disability that a child would have in playing a game is being more skillful than an adult. That type of thinking is either steeped in overbearing parental instincts or being an arrogant dick. You can’t sit around and suggest that you know kids will only have fun with a game when they actually beat it. That’s not fun factor, that’s basically passing them on to the next grade level because you really don’t give a shit.

I don’t know if it was Sandy Hook or what not, but I’m sick and tired of grown mother fuckers thinking that children have to be so damn sheltered that they atrophy the challenge factor in video games just so they can feel good about themselves.

If Sonic Boom is intended for children (which is obvious considering all the wild fucking changes that took place) then fine. Let that shit be for the kids. The thing I’m pissed about is that this asshole is trying to convince my black ass that this is “in the same spirit as Sonic the Hedgehog”. I know what the hell I grew up with, and dis is looking unfamiliar right now. All this talk about trying to appeal to all audiences has been a failed mission as soon as they touched the character designs. This ain’t like Bayformers, you’re dealing with a franchise that has been mishandled for an entire decade, and it’s not even that old. It’s considered dead before it hits 30, and your response is “think of the children”. That’s been Sega’s mantra since 2009 when people rejected the Werehog, and the only reason they bothered was because “kids are easier to please.” That’s a defeatist attitude and no one appreciates it. At this point, Generations and Sonic 4 should be considered  send offs for older fans.

Aside from the poor little fucks that will feel game designers think they’re idiots, this guy really doesn’t seem to know what he’s talking about half the time.

Character action games like this used to be a much bigger part of the console landscape, and now they’ve shrunk in relevance. That’s a big part of your background, though. Can you talk about why they remain vital?

BR: Well, I would reframe it; other genres have risen in an ever growing market. Games are and will be the primary entertainment medium today and tomorrow. It’s still an incredibly young medium. As the medium was developing, traditional platformers were the norm given tech, visual fidelity and game design reasons. Gamer demographics continue to age so in response mainstream games have gotten more sophisticated and mature in their content.

Traditional platformers STOPPED BEING FUCKING MADE! Instead, it’s been this whole crapfest of fetch quests and puzzles (like your ever precious Jak and Daxter series) and mission based nonsense that has made the “platformer” genre completely irrelevant to people. OTHER GENRES did not completely redefine their experiences and maintained a level of familiarity with their beginnings. As I’ve said about First Person Shooters, other genres have remained fun in some regard (even RPGs are more fun since many are ditching that asshole turn-based nonsense). Platformers were turned upside down on their heads in favor of showing off 3D environments while sending players on boring ass errands just to complete the game.

Other genres haven’t gotten better, it’s because pisswad developers (like yo ass) have nearly destroyed the platformer genre! And no, using Mario Galazy’s sales numbers proves nothing of the opposite. Mario is going to sell no matter…. Oh right, 3D world….

However, older gamers are now having kids, and like me, outside of playing shooters or other genres, they want to have a shared gaming experience with their kids and families. Ask Disney about how irrelevant this market is.

I think I should. I would LOVE to know how a movie studio would know how the video game market acts on occassion. Disney’s films can get away with “family films” because television media is actually usable. Video games aren’t in the same category as movies.  Parent’s buy games so they can get their kids off their backs. That’s just how fucked up our culture is. Why? It’s because time is not free for adults.

Where did anyone get the idea that adults grow moist at the thought of playing video games with their kids? It sounds completely unrealistic, and before anyone goes on giving me a few examples of their own personal lives because… you know, the world revolves around themselves, wouldn’t it be more logical for adults to want their kids to spend their time with more… “active” activities? Like… reading books or playing football? Going to the park or playing sports. Cause GOOD or RATIONAL parents wouldn’t think about video games as the be all family activity to have with the kids. They’re more likely to play a board game or a pack of UNO cards than a video game. You know why? All those activities aren’t junk entertainment, and if anything creates a much better bond with family members rather than a game.

Without great gameplay everything else is irrelevant, so this remains paramount. Outside of this, to stand out in a very competitive market it has to match proper production values in story, visuals, animation, and spectacle moments. Also, games are no longer insular experiences so when aspiring to gather larger audience we need to consider other features like co-op, or multiplayer, or cross media tie-in such as TV, toys or mobile. I personally think game accessibility is also very important. It’s a tough balance, but gamers today don’t have time or patience to constantly try and die.

Now here’s the real bullshit that breaks the camel’s back. First off, BAD gameplay can still entice people (look at Street Fighter 4 and Injustice). It depends on FUN FACTOR. Bad gameplay is not enough to deter people from enjoying a game. If the experience is not fun or stimulating in any circumstance, then the game has failed. I think it’s safe to say that despite NOT selling, Unleashed and Generations both have shit gameplay, but are quite fuckin awesome in most regards! The notion that “great gameplay” sells

Secondly, you do not need cross-media to get people to your product. You just need cheaper prices. :P. MK9 didn’t have anything more than promotions an marketing. It’s a fuckload of awesome and people dig it like no other. Because Mortal Kombat was down on it’s luck, man. All a game needs is good content and fun factor to really sell. If you think you need toys, TV or any other bullshit to sell your product, it shows your lack of confidence. You’re really spending more money than you need to just to make a fantastic game.

Lastly, the accessibility claim is only true for adults. But Sonic Boom is CLEARLY made for children. Young people have all the time in the world to waste. It’s a misplaced claim to group all demographics into one can and declare it truth.

Who is the audience for this game, and how does that affect the direction you take it?
BR: Kids 6-11

Oh! There it is folks! End of the fucking discussion.

Yes, it’s taken out of context, but if you notice, he gave specific ages for children and none for older audiences. Adults really aren’t gonna be attracted to a game where the characters lack familiarity. People who grew up with or without Sonic will not be attracted to it. Certain images sit well with people when they first experience them. I use the analogy of women changing their hair and men getting butthurt about it because the man saw the woman with this hairstyle and got sprung. Or better yet, how sometimes a baby might recognize it’s mother a certain way, but if she changes her appearance (like wearing a scarf around the head), the baby might be reluctant to go near her unless she takes the cap off. Or if a father shaves and the baby ain’t goin near the main.

People are attracted to what they know best. Familiarity and comfort is the name of the entertainment game. “Seasoned gamers” are not going to want to play this because this does not look like Sonic. What people have been hoping for a long time is that this game is not a reboot of the whole franchise. Why? Because it doesn’t look familiar to them. They look fucking bizarre, and the world doesn’t scream “Sonic”. When people looked at how Sonic Lost Mind flowed, people were shocked and appalled! Same with Shadow the Hedgehog. That isn’t the shit people enjoyed! That’s getting flipped off in favor of the creator’s expression.

If at some point in development that they do infact reverse character designs back to ones that we actually like, then we can safely say they have the fan’s best interests in mind. It’s more likely since Western developers happen to be just a bit more rational than Japanese developers these days, but Bob’s comments don’t warrant any confidence in that happening.

We developed common pickup and play controls for seamless play experience no matter which character is selected.

Can I ask a question? Since when has a Sonic game NOT been pickup and play? Even Sonic Unleashed is easy to pick up and play.

Skimming through more chest humping and questions about development processes nobody gives a rats ass about. Oh damn, that’s it. What I like most is how the commentators on the same page even think it’s full of shit.

I kinda feel sorry for that one facebook commentator that got ripped to shreds over analyzing the same article here. I mean, there’s nothing in this entire interview that drives optimism or interest in the game. And most of it is contradictory nonsense that shows BRB is just as fucked up as Ninja Theory (why people have faith in a company that has no proven success in game development beyond a couple of artists is anyone’s guess). You cannot say you are making a game for both old and new fans and have ZERO CONTENT that appeals to old fans. It does not work. If the goal is audience expansion, then it NEEDS to be audience expansion, not audience substitution, which is what is really happening. Failure to understand this shows a lack of integrity on your part as a fan and as a customer.

Pointing out the bullshit in an interview shouldn’t be treated as some “player hater” message. It’s not irrational to want consistency in the claims of the developers who swear up and down that they have the fan’s best interests in mind. We would see that by now. Everything sounded good until more information popped up and already, hopes are being dashed. Those that are still optimistic either don’t care and look forward to the game anyway or they’re not paying attention. I don’t have a problem with the former, good for fucking you, but Sonic fans continue to be a laughing stock because they have no desire to listen to people. Particularly those that are critical of the games because criticism is lumped into a “negativity” pool. Some category that somehow discredits any criticism based on how “negative” it seems. Pokemon fans have nothing on how childish Sonic fans are…. I think.

(might have to take that one cat’s word on artist=/=designer into account). And yes, I am spying on ya’ll mother fuckahs. You already got the FBI on yo asses. 😛