Archive for January, 2014

I recall the sa3/era pages having a piece on gaming journalism constantly hyping up the return to Sonic’s ruuts. That and I had no idea the amount of arguments I started over comparing Sly Cooper to Sonic.

It should be noted that any piece of gaming journalism in the west works not only in bias, but also in conspiracy. Gaming journalism is considered a joke all around because every word that is written is a lie, first and foremost. There was a editor from IGN that admits to reviews being closely linked to public relations. When it comes to Nintendo and Sega, specifically, gaming jouralism operates against the benefits of these 2 companies, and it’s closely tied to the level of control Nintendo and Sega both exercised in the 90s when they were the world leaders of the console business. The control of information is to control public opinion. If you lead people to believe that a shitty game (Skyward Sword) is the greatest game of all time, and then you play it, you might become disillusioned with the company and gaming in general because you can’t comprehend the overwhelming insanity of how anyone could dig that game.

The constant hyping of Sega returning to Sonic’s ruuts is deliberate. They know full well they are full of shit, but by feeding the public(internet) constant lies about those ruuts gives the public(internet) a deviously bleek perception of the future of the Sonic franchise. Because as Sega continues drifting further and further away from those “ruuts”, being told that whatever the fresh hell they’re making next is infact a return to the ruuts will make you crazy.

We know full well that very little of what Sega has made last generation had nothing to do with Sonic’s ruuts (S4E1-2 are questionable), but the trip part is the ones that have very little experience with Sonic ruuts will look at these journalists and think “well maybe this is… Sonic’s ruuts because some fans are happy about it”. Game journalism is the butt of regular journalism’s jokes, and it’s primarily the only form of journalism that is known for being fraudulent. Even Fox News has more cred than game journalists by a large margin, and they’re the biggest liars in the world.

That said, regardless of their intent, there is a particularly good reason those kinds of articles exist. Looking at PSN charts for Sonic CD and Sonic 4 Episode 2, this is the direction fans wish for the series to go back to. With the exception of Rayman and Mega Man, there has been some favorable behavior toward Sonic and Mario games going back to these “ruuts”.

When people say “return to ruuts”, we always assume that those people are merely “nostalgic”, that they are blinded by the very things they enjoyed when they were children. Often times, this is the mantra of the youth and newer generations who lack empathy and would prefer these “old people” would just get over themselves and “deal with it”. When people suggest one should “return to their ruuts”, it’s often meaning one should return a philosophy and work ethic that made them successful and prosperous.  When people say Sonic should return to it’s ruuts, it has more to do with concern for success rather than nostalgia (or classicfaggotry as some folks may say).

So what is Sonic’s Ruuts?

Save your “duhs”, please.

Ruuts, in this aspect, isn’t just merely a beginning, it is literally the period in which Sonic was most prosperous. When the Genesis was still around, Sonic was Mr. Big shot. You could find backpacks, tennis shoes, toys, cartoons, comics, and edutainment devices like the Sega Pico.

Now you can learn to be a slave to corporations with the help of a guy who was recently on his period!

Unfortunately, these days, you don’t see Sonic games with the same level of popularity. There are no merchandise, no backpacks, no shoes, no edutainment games, just the regular mediocre crap Sega pumps out. Nintendo still has plenty of merchandise (Mario Kart Playsets, Pokemon toys and plushies, cards). It’s a sad state of affairs when you look back, you were constantly reminded of Sonic’s presence as an icon. These days, people don’t even realize the series exists.

So the common response would be “go back to what worked”. Sankofa the Genesis Era! To a time when liking Sonic was considered normal instead of the opposite where it’s now considered pathetic. Course, it would take a full-blown reboot to wash the taste out of everyone’s mouth (and a decent economic environment where priorities aren’t so tight), but nevertheless.  Some might say “well wait a minute, what about all those 2D games on handhelds? What about Sonic 4?”. The Advance, Rush, and Rivals games are much further removed from Sonic’s ruuts. Simply having a 2D perspective fixes nothing as the design philosophies are completely different. Sonic 4, despite being a poor imitation, is…. the closest we’d get to a tangible “ruuts”, but the lack of care the whole needlemouse project received was enough to bring down the value. If you go purely by gameplay design alone (which everyone does) then it’s easy to assume Sonic Advance 1 is the true Sonic 4. But if you were to take a deeper look at the game, only the first 2 zones resemble anything like the “ruuts”.

An actual comparison can be made between the “ruuts” and Sonic Advance, primarily the “feeling” these zones all give off, but only for the first 2 zones. Everything else in the game is shallow and is practically the type of shit we get nowadays. Lacking in style or “coolness”. It could’ve been a Mega Man game for all we care. Sonic Rush Adventure could also vouch for giving off a “ruuts” like feel, mostly in Zone 6 Sky Babylon. And dat music.

In either case, material that resembles past games are still quite rare, and is a key reason as to the diminished appeal of the series. The last time a Sonic game truly felt like the old games was Sonic Adventure 1. As I’ve said in previous postings, the newer Sonic games feel very dry in comparison to the older games, particularly when it comes to design aesthetics, music, and overall atmosphere. As Iizuka implied, both Retro Sonic and modern Sonic are almost completely different games. And it is that disparity that needs to be repaired. It gave the series a unique sense of flair from other franchises.

That’s just content alone. The gameplay also needs to be put in check. Especially when it comes to controls.

Tutorials are bullshit. No one likes them. If people don’t like reading manuals, then believe me, tutorials are bullshit. Nothing says “exclusionary” like a tutorial with too many directions, and believe me, Sonic games have a bad habit of them. Why? Because Sega has a bad habit of changing every goddamn game up everytime.

Take Sonic Heroes, for example. A game equally as disorientating as dubstep. If you decide to forgo the tutorial (and who can blame you), you would get Freedom Tower’d by confusing controls. The 3 formations alone would take a while to get used to, as well as all the switching you’d have to get accustomed to during gameplay. I sure as hell didn’t know what to do with those fans where you needed triangle dive (w/e the fuck that meant to me).

When you get to the next game, and then the next game, the gameplay and the controls always change, meaning you can never feel comfortable playing sequels as they keep changing, and add insult to injury, they change simple commands for no goddamn reason! Homing attack is no longer pressing jump twice, but now I have to hit the boost button after a jump? And that’s after 5 Sonic games which had similar homing attack controls.

I figured Colors and Generations removed the idiotic accessibility barriers, but Lost Mind goes right back and slaps you in the face with needing to hold both shoulder triggers for a spindash and needing the touch screen for silly wisp powers. That’s “Nintendoping” the controls (where you make them more complicated in the sequels for no apparent reason IE the fucking rolling tackle in Skyward Sword) These problems alone would make someone WISH to run back to the older games because you didn’t have to put up with that nonsense. The simplicity of needing only a jump button to do 90% of your abilities instead of needing 3 to 4 buttons for different actions. That and most actions actually worked well, too.

You can’t expect anyone to enjoy the game if it’s barely playable, and it’s safe to say after 06, Sonic games played like ass. Considering that Sonic’s primary action involves jumping, jump physics shouldn’t feel like ass. It feels as though Sonic cannot gain any air or momentum with his jumps anymore! Not to mention his double jumps are horrible. Everyone made a point about physics when regarding Sonic 4 (they were promised afterall), but Sonic games haven’t had decent physics in their games for well over 10 years (including Sonic Advance 3. Especially Advance 3). Building up any kind of momentum feels horrible without a spindash or boost. If you simply try to run, the start up speed is horrendous. At least for games not using the Hedgehog Engine. Sonic Rivals, you can’t even accelerate.

If you feel that you can’t naturally speed up on your own without some sort of crutch, the game is less fun automatically. It was never difficult to build up speed in “da ruuts”. Even Sonic R, it was easier to build up speed without a spindash. Shadow the Hedgehog, you get full speed automatically, no questions asked. In later games, it feels like Sonic is covered in tar half the time.  It’s odd to see someone who has played the original “Ruuts” Sonic games, from Sonic 1 to 3, and struggle so much on Sonic 4 because as my cousin described “feels weird, he’s not moving right!” It’s inexcusable when even 3D Sonic prior to 2006 felt more “natural” to play. So you have games that don’t have good atmosphere, nor do they feel “good” to play! It’s hard to blame anyone for running back to the older games or anything that feels like the older games. 2006 and up has been a rocky period for Sonic games. We’re talking 7 years of mediocrity. While I did enjoy Rush Adventure and Episode 2, I can’t say the same for the majority of people.

Sonic Colors remains a controversial title in itself. While it was a somewhat sign of Sega listening to demands for having only day time stages, having the techno dreamworld, eliminating accessibility hurdles that damn near every Sonic game had since 2004 had, and slightly going back to having a balanced mix of speed and lolplatforming, the game is simply not attractive! The name alone deters all, and… well, you know how childish it is. There’s a documentary about that.

Words cannot express my eternal furiousness over this damn cutscene. Not only is it just some typical pep squad, there is ZERO tension here. Everyone is doing fine, not helping out one inch while they are fully capable of doing so, and ” TIME TO SCRAMBLE SOME EGGMAN” is the WORST fucking writing I’ve ever heard. Hell, that probably boosted SA2HD’s sales alone (haha)! I’d would buy Sonic 2 in protest right now! Sonic has never been this childish since AOSTH. Actually, no. AOSTH was funny at times. This is fucking pathetic.

No one, and I do mean no one, wants to play a game where the characters are this cheesy or childish. A game with “Colors” in the title IS enough to deter people from purchasing it. If an art style is enough to decrease sales of an entire game console (Wind Waker), it is absolutely dangerous for Sonic games to go that route, and the results speak for themselves. Now it’s an unknown franchise the likes of Castlevania and friggin Bomberman! Compare the coolness factor you detect in these boxes of Sonic games.

Best one imo


Show me your bling and let me SHINE on you!

Peep the bottom right corner for why this cover fails.

This is lame looking box art.

Which era would you prefer playing? This is really where you can judge a book by it’s covers. Before anyone goes “but wait, you forgot X game”, I’m going by general cover art. This is how most Sonic games look and feel from both eras.

The first era of Sonic games leave a sense of “FUCKIN A!” while the modern era leaves a sense of “out of ideas”. And kid friendly abandonment of previous audiences. With that in mind, the greatest hurdle is making better box art. 😛 Box art is important in selling people on a game to go “I WANT this and that’s the fucking end of it!” Looking at the box of Sonic Colors (and people have gotten angry about this), who would logically buy this game expecting coolness? The game exemplifies gay to the core. The only people that know Sonic exists are those that grew up with the franchise, and damn sure enough, our expectations do not include childish content.

Some might wonder “but what a minute, Heru, wasn’t Sonic 1 about the same level of kiddiness that is Lost Mind, Colors, and Generations?”

Yes. Extremely so. Sonic 1 is probably the most uncool Sonic game of the Retro era. Being that it was nothing more than a tech demo, it took what was already the standard of platformer entertainment and just inserted it into the game because thats all people knew at the time. Cutesy music makes the game feel “happy” and shit. And quite frankly, no one cares about Sonic 1. After Sonic 2, and SATam in particular, Sonic 1 became irrelevant. Sonic 2 and onwards redefined Sonic as an element of badassitude. You don’t see MARIO fans begging for more SMB1 content in NSMB games, do you? No, everyone cries about that retarded tanooki suit. Mega Man 9 was modeled after Mega Man 2! Not 1! People enjoyed Castlevania 3 more than Castlevania 1, and most of the series inspiration comes from #3.

Lets be frank. The sequels are sometimes more important than the first game in a series. The only time Sonic 1 mattered to Sonic fans was to protest against a sequel, meaning it has no value beyond a tool of negotiation. I can go to Sonic CD and get the same game damn near. Collision Chaos is Spring Yard, Tidal Tempest is Labrynth, Stardust Speedway is Starlight Speedway (or w/e it’s name is), Metalic Madness being ScrapBrain, etc. The fuck would I need to go back to Sonic 1 for?

NO ONE wants Sonic games to take after Sonic 1 because the game is a simple tech demo with barely any content. And a badly designed game in some areas (Labrynth Zone). People would rather have the series take after 2 and up. Sonic 1 being used as an argument to justify how childish Lost Mind was is indication enough that it should not be the blue print for any Sonic game ever again. Sonic 4 was, in it’s entirety, a Sonic 2 fanservice game because Sega knew Sonic 1 ain’t shit anymore. Oh they’ll milk it for all the brainless portions of the fandom who swear it’s better than it is.

K, done.



Maze War


In the year 1973, there was a game called “Maze War” which some attribute to as the beginning of the FPS genre. W/e the case, the game is simply just that. Some big ass maze you walk through shooting eyeballs and other players.

It’s a PC game, no less. As such, the FPS genre is tied to the ideals of Computer Centrism. For one, the ideas of Maze War were used for RPGs (Ultima, Dungeon Master, Phantasy Star) and all those other PC games. FPS’s didn’t “become” a genre until Castle Wolfenstein/Doom and the like. Primarily because the Arcades and NES kept us busy and happy.

FPS’s were in a disadvantageous position. The complexity of the genre meant that it would be unsuitable for the accessible controls of early video game consoles, and for the most part, PC games weren’t even that popular until Wolfenstein 3D. For the most part, all attention was focused on games like Mario, Sonic, and that goddamn Mortal Kombat. Doom would later join (or started) the controversy of blah blah…

Lost my train of thought of there. This subject I wanted to touch upon due to the increasing backlash against FPS’s by the hardcore (mostly the nintards who bring up COD like some sort of cultural habit). In all honesty, it is because of the death of the very thing the hardcore shun for being “primitive” that allowed the FPS genre to thrive.

I’ve spoken a few times on Arcade Centrism and Computer Centrism in the past. This is an important concept to understand why FPS’s took over.

Arcade Centrism is the mentality of fast-paced action games whether they be shmups, shooters, platformers, or general action games, the goals are usually simple and straight forward. Enemies over there, kill they ass, or (Pac Man wise) avoid enemies and eat that shit up! Arcade games were filled with high risks of loss. You’re always put into positions where it’s easy to lose if you didn’t have the skillz and reflexes necessary to succeed. And people loved this! It’s odd these days to see so many adults and their kids crowd around an arcade machine with their obnoxious yells and screams and cheers. It was much more common back then.

Computer Centrism is the mentality of slower-paced “adventure/Sim” games whether they be FPS, RPG, mystery, or even Strategy games of a sort. The goals were much more complex. You had different objectives to complete. You had people to find, talk to, you had to build troops, solve murder cases, equip gear and spells to stand a fighting chance. You weren’t really put in a position of loss so much as you would be with Arcade games. Computer games were filled with time consuming tasks and puzzles where your mind was more important than your reflexes.

It’s a case of “Muscle vs Mind” when speaking of Arcades vs Computers. Given that context, it’s easy to see where Hardcore gamers get their elitist mentality from. The pseudo-intellectual nerds they are feel the brainless masses concerned only with their muscles are unfit to be catered to by game developers.

Around the late 90s into the 2000s and beyond, we see the rise of the FPS. Most of this could be attributed to the rapid popularity of Halo (being the only decent Xbox game at launch helped), but there is a bigger layer of factors that gave way to the FPS popularity and the burning jealousy and hatred of Nintards.

See, Arcade games were all 2 Dimensional (perspective-wise, not graphical). Even Star Fox was 2D (it is a rail shooter afterall). 2D is a damn good advantage for Arcade games. Arcade games are all about reflexes and how fast you can react to situations such as being swamped by enemies. As such, you kinda needed the game to be 2D. You have a better view of your surroundings giving you a visual advantage. It was a necessity given how difficult these games could get. Combined with simple controls so that there was no hurdle getting a handle on the game, players could be in touch with the game and react accordingly without so much as looking down at their controller to see how to run the hell away! On the other hand, putting an Arcade game in 3D causes huge problems. The camera issue that has plagued 3D games forever was largely responsible. In a 3D perspective, your vision is significantly reduced as the camera is focused on your game character. You have very little visual information as to what is going on around you. This causes more of a headache as now you have more complex controls simply so you can refocus the camera. Readjusting your view and having to react to incoming enemies or make difficult jumps is a pretty big hassle given that everyone was used to the simplicity of 2D Arcade games.

Unfortunately, people were enamored by the rise of 3D graphics. As such, games and gamers demanded more and more 3D graphics. It was new, it cool, and beautiful to look at. The fact that games could like this!  And the accessibility was further reduced as the years went on. Thanks to the complexity of 3D games, controllers, and the changing philosophy of designers, Arcade Centric Gaming started to go out of fashion. Because it’s far more difficult to try and emulate that rich arcade experience in 3D thanks to more complexity.

What people fail to realize, however, is that the FPS genre was always in 3D! Since Maze War, the games were always set in 3D environments. It was the same with the RPGs set in an FPS perspective as well as Wolfenstein, Doom, and Goldeneye 64. You see, the FPS genre already benefited from the rise of 3D environments because they were always in 3D. So there wasn’t as much of a hurdle to translate FPS’s to upcoming consoles as FPS was the originator of 3D gaming. 3D gaming is a Computer Centric Construct!

Not only that, but the FPS genre lives up to it’s name. It’s a shooter, so it’s concept of shooting enemies was simple already. Of course, all you had to do was point at something with a crosshair, press the fire button, no muss, no fuss. The 3D environment did not get in the way of shooting things and fun factor. Developers of FPS’s looked to Doom 2 and Wolfenstein 3D  as the standard of FPS gaming, and flourished because of it. One of the significant things about that game was that it would be more “complex”. It was to have stealth gameplay similar to Splinter Cell where you drag bodies around, sneak about, and stuff. It was dropped because it was going to make the game more complicated than need be. Wolfenstein 3D was… “simplified“. While I’m not familiar with the game, I’m familiar with Doom. Doom  was just “survive and get to the end, kill bastards along the way to ensure survival.” I don’t recall there ever being a sidestep option, it’s just “move, change weapons, fire”. And it was as simple as it could be. The FPS genre was popularized by simplicity in it’s concept and execution.

FPS devs didn’t need to worry about having to change it’s core dynamics when 3D was popularized. It already was. Where as with Mario, Mega Man, and the like, so many popular genres from the early 90s, were starting to become slaves to the almight 3D. Instead of trying to make a game that worked well in 3D, the dynamic of existing franchises were changed to create completely different “experiences”. Now you have platformers that are nothing more than puzzles and fetch quests, camera tricks, and silly “surprises”. Developers became more focused with crazy concepts, cutscenes, and “artistic” directions while FPS developers already had a good format to build off of. So while Nintendo, Sega, and the like were “corrupted” by their first taste of 3D gaming, with no prior format to build off of, FPS devs already knew it well and could pull it off without a hitch. FPS’s, never straying from their roots, had the very essence that all other genres started to lose. LIMITLESS ACTION!

The platformer genre became puzzle central. Beat em ups and hacknslashes were bogged down with unnecessary RPG elements, general action games had very stupid elements (shinobi having the “Tate” system) or were turned into “Metroidvania” games (Castlevania), and even Pac Man became retarded (Pac Man World 2 is the single worst game I’ve ever played.) But FPS’s? They could continue to build off what worked well before and survive to the point that no one would lose faith in the genre.

You see, the hardcore Nintendo fans despise FPS’s now because they were more “Arcade” than they were “Computer”. It’s a hard pill to swallow for the Nintards especially as they have a raging hard on for crucifying COD. It’s not Activision’s fault they built the series off successful games unlike NINTENDO who ABANDONED successful games in their misguided quest for “creativity” and ingenuity.

Everyone harps on about RPGs and platformers (and Sonic especially) needing to go back to their roots. Why? Because the FPS genre thrives because of it. Arcade Centrism died due to the arcade devs insane obsession with 3D graphics, but that proved to be their downfall as they completely abandoned their own successes and history. Hell, they DESPISE their history! You see Miyamoto trying his best to destroy 2D Mario, Iizuka trying to pretend 2D Sonic is some “alternate universe” continuity, why Mega Man is a dead franchise, why Castlevania is now some Lord of the Rings rip off, etc. The advent (or popularization) of 3D has caused them all to lose their  minds!

Arcade Centric gaming is impossible to achieve in 3D environments. Computer gaming is a completely different beast. And FPS is their trump card. So don’t be angry at the Call of Duty for being the object of Nintard scorn. Blame NINTENDO for allowing it to be the more fun franchise!

No, not him persay. He’s actually kind of a douche.

You know, through all the debates I’ve heard from asswipes over what age group Sonic should cater to, time and again I’ve become jealous of the 3 playstation “platformers” that came out during the BS2 days. While Sonic the Hedgehog started facing a severe content crisis, Ratchet and Sly Cooper seemed to have prevailed.

Playing the Sly Cooper collection is… more or less a tedious time. The first game was a bullshit-ridden fest of broken minigames masquerading as “levels”. While it played like a standard stage-by-stage game, it’s general stupidity kept it from being an enjoyable experience.

Sly 2… is… slightly better. Sly 2 is a fucking god send compared to the first game, and this is despite the fact that the entire game is WORK. Ditching the SBS game flow in favor of a more open world “mission-based” progression, I was scared shitless. The nightmares I incurred from the horrible Jak 2 came back to haunt me. But then I realized the game is… pretty easy. Which is good as this is a long ass game. Hard games are better suited for shorter games as it balances out the length by itself. But a long game that is hard as shit for no reason is a literal drag.

Sly 2 still has it’s share of bullshit, though. The “ectoplasm” mission where you play as that pussy turtle to grab spirit… stuff was completely arbitrary to the entire game. And the mission involving the balloons filled with spice filled me rage. The missions are long and time consuming, but never really difficult. After a while, I found myself missing the simplicity of the first game where you just had to get to the end of the level to complete it (or complete some stupid task like finding fish for flaming oil).

But otherwise, seeing as this is… or was… a “kid’s game” persay, I was actually surprised at all the shit that was going on. Sly Cooper and his “gang” of a pussy and a moron who suddenly gained a pair must now retrieve the “Clockwerk parts” to prevent the ressurection of Sly’s arch nemesis. And lemme tell you that those were used for some real dirt! The first guy used the feathers for a counterfeiting operation while he wants to “shine on bling” or… w/e. The second has a fucking drug ring in India (using a heart to speed up “spice” production). The third is using narcotics for lethal interrogation methods (holy shit) along with some eyes, the forth… just chops wood, while the fifth wanted immortality by hypnotizing the world into a seething rampage of hatred… just so he could grow wings.

Dude…. Fuck Iizuka. Sucker Punch went deep into the shit! See, Sly 2 is still primarily a “kid friendly” game, but it has all these “mature” elements that involve highly criminal activities, as well as Carmilita’s enormous ass. She might’ve been inspired by J-Lo. The usage of drugs on prison inmates to reveal their “secret stashes” was the utmost form of cruelty, but just made that spider chick awesome. All of this is off-screen, of course (until you get to Murray who’s been fucked up by teh spices.)

You’ve got “kid friendly” characters all deeply involved in highly adult situations without going into Jak 2 territory. Creepy and sinister operations (except for the wood chopping) going on, and they achieve this without giving soccer moms heart attacks. Yet, Sonic games can’t even have that level of maturity.

Sure, Robotnik enslaving an entire planet of aliens, draining their life force for some mind control device is…. fucked up, but it’s also a part of a game that’s too childish for anyone’s fancy. “Hyper-go on” energy? Hell does that even mean? Even the names of universe concepts are stupid sounding in Modern Sonic. “Zeti” makes no sense. You get an actual sense that “spice” is a dangerous drug, at least. How do you make sense of a stupid, childish name like “Zomom”?

It’s a bit of a shame that Sly 2 is on the boring side, but it’s got way more interesting content than Sonic these days.

Well… there goes my enthusiasm and love for Borderlands 2. Say good bye to my integrity as I bought that expensive ass “Big Game Hunt” DLC which takes me into a fucked up version of Africa (the Victorian-era perception of it I assume) where I am now forced to put down bowlderized versions of African tribes and witch doctors.

First off, I have an Assassin character built for sniping purposes, mostly on weakpoints, but here, the enemy’s weakpoints all protected by shields and masks, which makes my character completely useless. I’ve been really frustrated by how much the game design works against you sometimes. If you go into several areas with hyperion robots, you start thinking that corrosive is the way to go, but then you get to several areas of normal humans. Or you have shields that are always totally fucking useless and canget destroyed in 2 gunshots, or Torque shotguns that can’t put down insects in less than 1-2 hits. No, lets make a DLC where a CHARACTER BUILT FOR CRITICAL HITS… is absolutely worthless! That is horrible design on every level. Take it from Mega Man 9 and 10, you HAVE to design the games levels and enemies fairly. They have to be designed with the character’s abilities in mind. Zero is a character built for pinpointing enemy weaknesses and dealing MASSIVE critical hit damage. But now you have enemies who’s weakpoints are protected from crits. How burnt do Zero players feel? It was bad enough that you made levels with terrible vantage points in that playing Zero becomes more cumbersome than need be, now I have to do shit like I would if I were using a tanking Gunzerker. And believe me, that shit is boring. It’s like the game wasn’t even built for Assassins but primarily for Gunzerkers and Commandos

Secondly, the Witch-docters and evolving enemies. It’s bad enough that these bastards have protection against crits, but they have the ability to LEVEL UP simply by squatting and getting a raging boner!? I was at level 41 fighting regular 39 tribes folks, and these mother fuckers leveled up all the way to 45, they have SKULLS next to their names. So I’m fighting a mob of living death. Not only that, but the Witch doctors can do the same, can break out of phaselocks easily, and can whoop your ass with little effort, but what more is those vampire Witch Doctors that can drain your health and has invincibility via bat transformations that he spams all the damn time. Not to mention the over-done spawning of “badass” enemies. badass enemies are mostly overpowered versions of regulars, but those mother fuckers are usually once in a blue moon. There is an ARMY of those bastards in this pack. Bottomline,  this DLC is not at all balanced with it’s enemy levels, strength, placement, or general abilities. They are far too powerful than they need to be. The Final Boss of this game is a wuss.

Lastly, I level up to 50 with this one pack and that experience relic. But… see… I still got skill trees to fill up and… I couldn’t progress beyond 50. I’m like “shit, now I really gotta use the “respec” thing. But I read that… there is actual DLC that raises the level cap up to 72, but you have to pay for it.

I had to read that again. I was high at the moment and I couldn’t think straight. Naw, straight up, you actually have to pay money… just to go above level goddamn 50.

…….I’ve seen, read, and found a lot of BULLSHIT in my day, the war on terror, the reward and punishment of jury duty, the 1 dollar raise of retail jobs like it makes any fucking difference, but having to pay money just to continue worthless stat building for your characters?

Now that’s a real scam. I’ve heard that there was a free patch on the FIRST Borderlands that allowed you to continue raising levels, but now it comes with a price tag. Does it come with a free dick in the ass? Cause that’s all it is. You’re getting fucked by these assholes who couldn’t design my nuts with the best team possible.

I was actually going to support this company, can’t continue beyond Lv. 50 until I break out some Jacksons, ain’t that a bitch!? Xenoblade, Im up to lv. 99, didn’t need to pay for that. Japanese DLC is expensive as hell, but it ain’t bullshit (sans Crapcom)

Over the course of the Lost Mind meltdowns last year, I’ve come to realize that those 8 posts over the REAL reason people hate Sonic the Hedgehog…… is partially bullshit.

The one statement I will retract is that fans were to blame for any of the mess this franchise is in. The blame falls squarely on Sega’s shoulders. I apologize fully for those idiotic statements. Most of that was a bit of frustration over the constant demand from Sonic fans wanting Sonic to be overhauled to ridiculous extremes after 2006. Most of all, the desire to have Sonic become Mario. And now, you ALL know why.

Looking over Lost Mind’s content and odious bit of Nintendo themed DLC, it’s clear that Sega has completely abandoned Sonic fans for Amma knows what. They’re either targeting children or general Mario/Platformer fans (which is a broad range of age groups anyway) or having developer goals of making it easier to see rings again (haha). It’s either they don’t know what the fuck they’re doing, or they don’t give a shit. Since Lost Mind bombed, it’s a clear indicator that no one wants a Nintendo/Sega partnership ever again, even the UK got tired of the Olympics bullshit. Why it happened in the first place obviously fell on Nintendo’s shoulders as they take everything the internet says as the gospel. The extra publicity from desperate Sonic fans was sure to boost their own fanbase’s numbers without any real hint of suspicion or doubt from the fandom at large. In the wake of 06’s demise, they would take anything. You have to admire how manipulative Nintendo is when it comes to targeting the internet fandoms. At least until they jacked up the prices.

I feel that the Yoshi’s Island DLC was Nintendo’s desire to troll Sonic fans. Nintendo is a VERY immature and spiteful company when concerning the internet. Most japanese developers are hateful of the internet. It’s like it’s in their blood. They can’t handle what some nameless nobodies on the internet are saying about their games. So what happens is (more often these days) is that they start making games to literally piss you off. Or as one guy puts it “IN YOUR FACE NINTENDO!

Apparently, Nintendo must’ve been PISSED that Lost Mind did not sell Mario Galazy to Sonic fans, and that Sonic fans actually FEARED the assimilation into Mario’s world. Thus, the Yoshi DLC was created. Sure, we could say they were advertising a new Yoshi game, but this kind of marketing is illogical and also quite dickish. Yoshi games simply do not sell. What more promotion would you need beyond those crappy Nintendo directs? If Sonic fans won’t buy Lost Mind, they damn sure won’t buy a Yoshi game. No one does, anyway. The Yoshi DLC makes absolutely no sense unless it is concerning Nintendo’s desire to “surprise” people.

This, actual Sonic fandom…. THIS is the kind of bullshit you’d have to deal with from Nintendo. This is a spiteful ass company that has no concern for improving a franchise they have little control over. And why should they? Nintendo has their own problems to worry about (their OWN games aren’t selling as well as they used to). I’ve said before that even though Sega does not care about Sonic games, to some extent, they take fan input into consideration. If the fans do not like something, they take that bullshit out. This is the one thing that baffles me about Sega. They show nothing but sheer animosity to the dirty American scum, but still listens to our fan input! It;s enough to make your balls explode in hysterical confusion!

You will NEVER have that kind of sway with Nintendo. If you don’t like Lost Mind, but this partnership continues, you will get MORE Lost Mind! Why is that? Because Nintendo, in the depths of their insanity and inflated sense of self-worth, will make some psychological diagnosis about you, the fandom, that says that you are incapable of understanding the fucking genius of that game! So, they will continue to make more Lost Minds until you just fucking accept it with open arms. If they wasted enough cheddar making a goddamn HD port of the one Zelda game that literally KILLED the Gamecube, you, Sonic fandom, will NEVER have a decent Sonic game again. If they made a game you actually like, they will kill it off and you will never see it again.

This is how Nintendo currently operates, and is a big reason why this partnership should’ve been protested. That… and of course the Sonic/Mario assimilation over conflict thing that no one wants to see. Sega, despite their rampant stupidity and anti-western consumer practices (PSO2 comes to mind ohhhh so much), they at least demonstrate the capacity to listen to complaints and concerns about quality, and every game seems to be a result of that. Sonic Unleashed, we like the day stages, hate the werehog, Sonic Colors is just the Day stages with a couple of stupid puzzles, not to mention reduced difficulty when all it is is not-aggravating level design, and removal of bullshit like that QTE infested tornado minigame. You see this in Rush Adventure where the game feels much better designed than the first. Enemy placement isn’t a pain in the ass, levels actually look like Sonic levels and not some random mesh of military bases at sea, in the air, and in space, and music actually sounds like Sonic music. Course… no one really complained about Rush but I digress. Sonic 4 Episode 2 fixes most of the flaws with the first episode, mainly the physics and whatnot. Sega despises their western fanbases but can’t seem to distinguish between western and Japanese complaints (hehe). Nintendo…. you’re lucky enough to get that much (the art style in TP saved Zelda alone!) After they’ve pleased you, they go RIGHT back into asshole mode where they try to force their intricate genius on you.

Nintendo is like Hollywood. Where good ideas and dreams die in their misguided desire to show the world their penis.

I’m still….laughing in the most insane way imaginable. I thought I would never see the day when people are actually demanding that Sega NEVER partner up with Nintendo again. It shows 1, the effects of Sonic 06’s horrible…ness are starting to wear off (the reason people wanted Sega to go to Nintendo was primarily because of Sonic 06 since Nintendo actually delays their games, for an eternity no less), and 2, shows that Nintendo is not this perfect company that can do no wrong. Nintendo is in a crisis where fucking MARIO isn’t selling their consoles. How the hell did anyone expect them to “save Sonic”?

It must be that anime portion of the fandom. Anime fans never believe in the concept of “redemption”. If one company fucks up one time, they lose faith almost instantaneously. The company has jumped the shark and they can never recover. After Sonic 06 (or was it Shadow?), the fandom saw that Sega was unfit to make a good Sonic game. So they looked to Nintendo to save the franchise. After Lost Mind, however, how will these fans perceive Nintendo now? Many of them are shell-shocked! Many will try to come up with excuses and create various forms of damage control (such as the redundant “Sonic is for kids” to gloss over it’s horrid content) or shift blame to poor sales of the console (How does one explain the horrid sales of Sonic Colors, I wonder?).

What I find funny about all of this is that people find more good ideas in Sonic 06 than they can in Lost Mind. They cannot find a damn thing positive about Lost Mind! What does tat really say? That it’s just another shallow game, or is proof that Nintendo’s direction has been wrong all along? No one is willing to admit that because Super Mario Galazy is far too overrated and praised over the internet. Despite all the proof that the galazy direction has also been wrong for Mario, no one is willing to admit it.

Not one bit criticism has been thrown Nintendo’s way since Lost Mind bombed, however. Same thing happened when Other M bombed (it’s ALL Team Ninja’s fault!). Oh No, Nintendo can never do any wrong! If you noticed, every development decision is completely and utterly “un-Sega”. The update that removes the need for touch-based wisp powers is proof of this. Sega never thought touch screen controls would make a better Sonic game (they’ve had 4 games to experiment beyond minigames, they didn’t find touch controls at ALL interesting considering how simplistic they were). It’s abnormal to suddenly have an interest in gaming technology that has existed for well over 8 years. They never did anything ambitious with touch screen technology beyond some weird ass dating sim (I think). It would have to be Nintendo’s idea because, as publishers of the game, they would need to show the “value” of that piece of shit controller! How are the touch controls on All-Stars Racing Transformed? Right, you actually have OPTIONS for controls! Nintendo games BARELY have options for controllers outside of Smash Bros. or games they don’t care about.

Sega never had a problem with good graphics (Sega was ALWAYS about good graphics, so simplifying the design makes absolutely no sense to them). Has any Nintendo brand game thus far taken any real advantage of the Pii U’s HD capabilities? All of them that came out right now look like they could’ve been done on the Wii (goddammit, this BS3 is making me a graphics whore. I don’t even have an HD tv, I just know Ratchet and Clank games look like sex in comparison to the Pikmin.) The decision to make Lost Mind have a simplified art/graphics style would have to have been Nintendo’s demands. Nintendo has such wild ass ideas about what makes a good game. Good graphics would not be an equation because, as you can see, out of all games they ported over, they used fucking Wind Breaker for an HD remake. WWHD is so simple to port over to HD because it is the most simplified graphical Zelda game known to mankind!

Why the overly simple and kiddy villains like the 6 deadly retards (based off crappy Japanese demons?). Sega is such a whore for western mythology. The most Japanese inspired stuff they have is modern day stuff like Yakuza. Japanese culture weirdness is usually kept out of Sega games outside of Yakuza (and Phantasy Star Universe). It would have to be Nintendo’s idea because they put Japanese shit into FUCKING ZELDA AND METROID (The 3 dragons in Skyward Sword are the most Asian looking mother fuckers I’ve ever seen. And don’t get me started on how japanese Wind Waker looks).

There are more design aspects that point to Nintendo’s raping of the series rather than Sega. The Yoshi (and upcoming Zelda) DLC is more than just a mere confirmation. The bizarre desire for Iizuka to attract a completely different audience for a franchise he (and everyone else at Sega) despises is not Sega, but Nintendo’s dick. If you wanted Mario fans, you can easily make an entirely different platforming series. You don’t use a series you don’t care about especially since it doesn’t appeal to the Japanese in general. Sega is crazy, infuriating, and spiteful, but they aren’t that stupid. Nintendo on the other hand has been making illogical production decisions since 2009-10 with Wii Music and Other M being the spear headers for Wii’s decline. They’re lucky that 3DS is doing “just average” at this point.

The Olympics games had been on a steady decline since the first entry. The first game was a mere novelty, finally we have Sonic and Mario in the same game together! But as you can see, people were clamoring for a REAL crossover ever since Brawl brought those 2 into conflict with other. It never fucking happened. Why? It’s not like Sega isn’t into fanservice, after all the All-Star racing games are all about wetting a Sega nerd’s whistles. But Nintendo is all about trying to be “different” and about “surprises”. It wouldn’t be surprising to see a REAL Mario and Sonic crossover, one that actually has a CLASH between both universes. But we’re ALL surprised at that fucking Yoshi DLC. And no one liked that surprise, did ya?

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. Be careful for what you wish for. Mark my words, knowing how these bastards operate, you will NOT get that REAL Mario/Sonic crossover. Platformer, fighting game, what may have you. Smash Bros. is the closest you will ever get.


(*grumble* I don’t need to spy on anything. I ain’t no info pimp)

I’m not even gonna respond to that. Considering the shit this guy pulled earlier, he’s literally begging for fuel. I pulled that kind of shit myself. Believe me, it sours your reputation. Though luckily for me, no one cares about Castlevania.


The argument about what age group Sonic should appeal to is damned tiring. And is a topic that shouldn’t even exist had Sega learned to maintain consistency within the games. And quite frankly, everyone always uses Sonic 1, 2, and 3 as their arguments of Sonic games being kiddy while conveniently ignoring Spinball, CD and the like. The cartoons were cooler than the games, even.

What I WILL comment on is…. just that. The comments section is almost universally appalled by the article, which is funny because prior to the release of Lost Mind, everyone jumped on the “Sonic is for kids” train. What in the fuck happened there? When did the fandom do a 180 and say “this is bullshit!”?

See… back in 2007 after Sonic 06 completely fucked any chance of Sonic having any kind of respect (and Secret Rings failing to revitalize it), people looked to games like Mario and Sonic at the damn olympics as well as Super Smash Bros. Brawl to help revitalize Sonic. And these games came out so close to each other, people were so excited for Sonic’s apparent return to grace. What happened here was that people lost faith in Sega’s ability to make a decent Sonic game, and looked to Nintendo to help fix all that up. We all know the reason for that (Nintendo games are given blow jobs by the gaming journalists for no reason, it seems). Primarily, however, because Mario’s popularity has never dwindled for any reason (unless we bring up Yoshi’s Island or the Mario Parties or Sunshine which people easily pretend never existed). It was a source of desperation and wild feverish anger.

Of course, this was due to Sonic fans mostly being replaced by and large by Nintendo fans who started taking Sega’s attention away from their actual fanbase. The constant demand for Sonic to be Mario would not come from actual Sonic fans, for any goddamn reason. But even then, people never referred to actual gameplay, but seeing what Nintendo does with Mario that maintains consistent popularity (That being Nintendo’s lack of fucks to give about improving content has warped those perceptions greatly). Sonic’s content fluctuation and lack of quality control destroyed Sonic. The Nintard’s demands is pissing on the grave.

Nintards have a general habit of going on about “gameplay being the selling point” and that anyone that says it otherwise is somehow an “idiot” or merely confused. “Nintendo is ALL about gameplay, and their games sell reasonably well!” You can’t argue that Nintendo games (used to) sell well. But then you’d have to ask why they sold well.

Nintards tend to hate on NSMB for not being an intricate innovation even though the gameplay is “good”. They care NOTHING about NSMB’s gameplay because despite that it is good, they ignore it completely while they fawn over Super Mario Galazy in which they extol as the second coming of Jesus Christ. The gameplay is simply a more dull version of Mario 64 with waggle controls, puzzles, and silly “challenges” you complete for star prizes. But this is supposed to be superior?

If good gameplay was the selling point, then why do Nintards despise NSMB so much? It sold VERY well, and has good gameplay! While they won’t admit it, Nintards care about content a helluva lot more than gameplay, and Galazy has (or had) that. The game certainly felt new with it’s galactic setting and new overrated Peach expy. And there is constant cheering for the Paper Mario series despite how terrible those games are in gameplay. Nintards like content more than gameplay, but they cannot admit that for some reason. It has to be a mental disorder of some kind.

I bring that up because everything about Sonic’s Lost Mind is exactly what Nintards praise Galazy for. It’s “intricate gameplay”. Yet here they are REJECTING IT!

Does that tell you anything about the Nintard psychopathy? They don’t even believe their own bullshit. They enjoyed Galazy 1 for it’s CONTENT! The game (I assume) felt EPIC to them, mostly because it’s rare for Nintendo games to be anything but mediocre in content. As such, that same preference will be used as a standard for Sonic’s Lost Mind, a game that was catered specifically to them. The content is only mildly better than Galazy 2.

I say this because Lost Mind is universally reviled by the Sonic fandom at large. The only people who can’t come to terms with that are the shills who use bullshit arguments like “who the game appeals to” to silence dissent. If you cannot defend the game based on it’s own internal merits, then stop trying to convince people that it’s better than it is. It’s a logical fallacy based on the “original sin” factor that there’s something wrong with the player than the actual game. And what’s wrong with Lost Mind is the very thing that alienates everyone, even the hard headed Nintards within Sonic fandom. The content is absolute shit, and no one, not even Ritalin addicted children, is digging it.

I LOVE that. Because it’s throwing more shit Nintendo’s way than it is Sega’s. It proves their beliefs that just throwing a new face on old CRAPPY gameplay means nothing if that face looks like the Hunchback of Notre Dame. Nintendo tried that shit with Link Between Worlds and Mario 3D World. Hell, they tried that with WWHD (somewhat). People are repulsed by the faces. If the Nintards reject the face, then whatever matters on the inside are irrelevant. If the content is terrible, no one will come to it. Other M might have better gameplay than Metroid Prime 3, but UGH did they ruin everything else. Even with those bubble butt shots.

So thank you Sonic fandom (which is now largely composed of Nintards), you have proven what you’ve always been full of!

Oh and that kid he’s talking about? Sonic Rush is much harder than NSMB, by far. I have never beaten that game. Yeah, my 7 year old cousin kicked it’s ass. Final boss, Chaos Emeralds and all. I’m hatin like no tomorrow. Ain’t got shit to do with kids being worse at video games, your girlfriend’s kid just sucks. Individual ability in ANY field, legit or otherwise, cannot be generalized so simplistically. Some people are just better than others. Yeah, I played Ristar, hard fucking game, got as far as world 4 though. That hasn’t changed when my balls dropped. I don’t know how anyone can have a hard time simply getting passed Green fucking Hill, but hey, some people are just better than others. I used to get to Wing Fortress all the damn time back on my genesis (RIP 1992-95). But hey, some people are just better than others.

Seriously, I could never get passed that big fucking robot boss at the end. Such an asshole. Sonic can’t even jump high in that damn game, they expect me to clear those big ass shock waves consistently? At angles I can’t see clearly!? This ain’t Mega Man!

Fuck, I just said I wouldn’t bother responding. Actually, naw fuck it. Post it up on yo own blog. Naw, TWEET THAT SHIT BITCHI could use the extra publicity.

Going back to my Wii because Borderlands 2 was starting to grate on my nerves with those fucking Hyperion robots, I took a trip back to the more enjoyable fighting games I had. TvC was one of the more surprising games I’ve picked up. Despite it being a Capcom fighter from this generation, I found myself enjoying it more than I should (probably because Eighting made it instead).


One of the things I quickly got sick of was the pain I incurred just performing special attacks in games. While easy, it’s more so frustrating when half the time, the moves won’t come out and you’ll accidentally throw some retarded punch out. MK9 was the only game that didn’t have this problem. So, hearing that TvC had a more “Smash Bros.” approach to special moves, I thought I’d feel a bit cheap just doing these moves. But I’ve often held the belief that just because a move is easy to pull off doesn’t make the game easy to win. And that holds true for this game.

I spits hot Fiyaaaaah! I’ll eat yo ass up on the MIC if you keep messin wit meh!

I’ve always wondered why the FGC takes offense to having easy commands for special attacks, everyone raised all kinds of hell with CVS2EO (Easy Operation, literally) making it so you can pull of specials with the right analog stick (along with the stupidity of using pressure sensitive shoulders for normals, but I digress). Having easier motions does not make the game “scrubby”. And it’s actually more fun this way. Some retard that doesn’t know how to play a fighting game can just jump right in without having to worry about any skill gap (would still get raped, but at least they won’t feel “lolcheated” simply because they can’t do special attacks).

Ken is taken aback by the pursuit of happiness as it soars into the air.

In all honesty, this game is fun. It’s fast it’s frantic, and you don’t have to worry about execution complexity as you would for SF4 or any 2D fighter not named MK9. That said, I don’t know why this shit exists. Certainly, Capcom is known for making stupid crossovers (I still don’t see how Marvel and Capcom are any kind of opposites), but I’ve never heard of this “Tatsunoko” joint. According to some dick birds, they are responsible for the Speed Racer series, also known as the only anime we got from them (I suppose). So why isn’t he in the game!? At least give some incentive to buy it. All we have from the T-bag side are a bunch of Comic book knock-offs with worse outfits than bad cosplay.

Rainbow Bright’s body guard. Get a load of the random cowboy spurs on his feet.

The problem with the Tatsunoko side is obviously lack of recognizable characters, but considering this was supposed to be a Japan only release (obviously because it wasn’t going to sell for any reason outside, or legal headaches because Japan R selfish bastards). There isn’t a single character I can pick out that I’d recognize. As such, the only characters I looked forward to was Batsu from Rival Schools. If not for him, this package wouldn’t have been considered for my collection. And I have a bad habit of buying fighters for one particular character, not that you give a shit. How could anyone find interest in this game beyond “gameplay reasons?” Not only does Capcom hand out their worst selection of Capcom characters yet (We get random blue samurai instead of onimusha, for instance, and crappy Mega Man Legends Mega Man. Frank West, wtf….) but the other side containing characters we don’t have a fucking clue about. You got 3 bird… heroes, some grown ass man with a “ball in a cup” for a weapon, a super hero that uses baseballs, Bruce Lee in red tights, The cheap bastard with his cheating dog, the ninja… who looks tight, some chick with 2 “comedy henchmen” whom I assume is really popular with the Japanese considering how over-exposed they are in this game, and Tekkaman Blade is a fuckload of awesome admittedly enough.

But my biggest question is… what is the point of this cross over? You know, before the 2000’s period, when people did a cross over, they actually made sense, you know? You had the Marvel and DC cross over comics because they’re both the most recognizable comic book forces in the world with so many fan favorites, who wouldn’t want to see Superman take on the Hulk? Or Hawkeye vs Green Arrow? Aquaman vs Namor the Submariner? You had characters that “synced” with another almost perfectly. An even match of sorts. Capcom vs SNK also made tons of sense. 2 of the biggest names in arcade fighting game history clashing (thought Ryu vs Kyo is a stupid match up). Chun Li vs Mai, Ken vs Terry, Yun vs Rock, it all works well together. The problem here is that there is no sync with crossovers anymore. People just think of the most random match up they can and try to make money off of it.

Mmm Hmm.

Ryu vs Ken the Eagle is a match up I don’t see making any sense. Is Gatchaman the face of Tatsunoko or something? I wouldn’t know. Tatsunoko is simply a company that produces anime while Capcom is a company that produces games. There’s no real match up potential. So the game feels more like some random shit. “Another Capcom fighting game guest starring the world’s fruitiest super heroes!”. Now, if this was Marvel vs Tatsunoko or w/e, that would make… .a little more sense. Both make tons of super heroes, and it’s a battle of “West vs East”. But… this?

From what I’ve read, Tatsunoko simply wanted Capcom to just make a Tatsunoko fighting game. But Capcom’s folks said “This wouldn’t work unless it was merely a vs fighter”. It probably wouldn’t have worked either way. The game wasn’t a hit in any market. What I find funny is that it sold more copies in America than it did in Japan. In either case, I see it as more of Capcom whoring themselves out at the opportunity while the public perception of themselves was still good. There seems to be no logical reason to make this a crossover with Capcom’s worst selection of characters yet.

The problem with this game is a severe lack of character preferences. You have the obligatory Ryu, Chun Li and Morrigan trio with the surprising return of Alex from SF3, you have shitty Mega Man characters (especially overrated cheap ass Zero) and then… Frank West. The characters Capcom chose are those that came from games with HORRIBLE sales! Why not a Resident Evil character!? Why not Mega Man X!? Why not Dante from Devil May Cry? Instead, we get some random bitch from an arcade dating sim!

Just… why!?

Appealing characters are the name of fighting games, and without a decent roster, no one is going to be interested in what the game is all about. Expecting this game to sell decently enough would’ve been the pinnacle of insanity. What kind of costumed super hero with apparent super strength… fights with goddamn yoyo’s?

W/E the case, I can’t help but feel that Capcom simply saw another opportunity at self-promotion and just slapped w/e freaks they had and pit them against the most unknown and unlovable characters in existence. And it’s sad too, the game is pretty damn fun. Sadly, it’s also pretty damn stupid. If only they put in Speed Racer.

And no, I don’t know if Tatsunoko owns Speed Racer or not. Just heard they did.

Misread my ass cheek!

The lies they weave are oh so intricate!

Nintendo considers a “new business structure” in the wake of their inevitable demise. According to the link, the company “admits” to not being able to keep up with the trends in the west… which is one loaded expletive.

Iwata also stated that Nintendo would need to change and propose something that could surprise consumers.

“The way people use their time, their lifestyles, who they are—have changed,” Iwata said. “If we stay in one place, we will become outdated.”

See, this is the thing I don’t understand about Nintendo in general. These people are always LYING about their actions. Nintendo has known for a long time about what westerners like. They’ve known it since the demand to be rid of Wind Waker’s horrid art style. They’ve known since the favorable reception toward Metroid Prime. They’ve known since that letter about Yoshi’s Island being stupid. They’ve known since their label of “kiddy” due to Mortal Kombat. Nintendo knows that westerners like action, loud obnoxious violence, and rule of cool.

Iwata says people have changed their lifestyles around, which is a half-truth. The issue is the economic environment has all but butt-fucked any free time people have. Income is lower than we want. Employment rates sunk deeper through the Earth’s core. Nintendo should’ve KNOWN about the poor economy by now. Nintendo SHOULD know about trends in the west. Hell, not much has changed in the west. The same type of games that sold in the past are STILL the types of games that sell now. Sports games and anything that allows you to shoot. Games with action and loads of fun factor.

Nintendo USED to have those kinds of games. What happened to them? Where are the action games!? Seems like when Nintendo has a game or series with action, they’re in a hurry to kill it off (Star Fox), but have a tendency to continue bullshit that has no action (Pikmin, Fire Emblem).

The west hasn’t change one bit. NINTENDO changed. How do you go from an awesome console like the Wii to something as ridiculous as the Pii U? In just a short 6 years, Nintendo has done a complete 180 and went against everything that made them successful. Why!? Who knows! The illogic behind the Pii U baffles the minds of the IRL crowd every day. We’ve had a shit economy since 2008. We had that “debt ceiling crisis” a couple of years back. If you actually CARED to check what the fuck was going on, you wouldn’t release a console with that price tag!

But hell, whatever “new business structure” you got goin on, hopefully it means more than reducing a price tag.

F-ing Roffle

Following weaker-than-expected sales of their Wii U console and weaker-than-expected sales of the Nintendo 3DS in western markets, Nintendo have reduced their financial targets for the ongoing fiscal year, which is set to end on March 31st, 2014.

As a result, Nintendo have reduced their expected net income of 55 billion yen to a net loss of 25 billion yen. Meanwhile, instead of posting an operating profit of 100 billion yen, the company expects to post an operating loss of 35 billion yen. Nintendo president Satoru Iwata says the company will discuss its short-term and mid-term strategy at its next financial results meeting on January 30th

Honestly, investors, tell them to slash the Pii U altogether. The system was doomed from the start.

The controller, HD direction and the outrageous price all have alienated potential customers, but the games killed any chance of gaining momentum. By now, the spell of the “Mario” brand label has worn off, not even the main Mario game they hyped up is winning any fans over.

Wind Breaker HD was a stupid idea, and Pikmin 3 continues the trend of lame ass RTS’s for babies. If NSMBU couldn’t sell people on the Pii U, Mario Kart and Smash Bros. are destined to fail. Nintendo’s money men know it all too well the project is doomed. The only people on the face of this Earth that cannot (or refuse to) see this are the internet people. Those in the real world don’t even consider the Pii U as a relevant device. It is invisible to everyone.

Nintendo’s franchises have become so awful outside of Pokemon. There isn’t a franchise in their arsenal that can beckon any legion  worth the air they breathe. Mario? Only the intricate 3D atrocities they can find. Zelda? It’s dead to everyone as long as Aonuma is in charge (and I don’t have faith in Hyrule Warriors to be quite honest). Metroid? Dead. Kid Icarus? I don’t even think anyone payed attention to the 3DS game. Kirby? Sells at Sonic records. Fire Emblem? Japanese TBSGs are never compelling. Custom Robo? I wish.

The solution has always been clear. Ditch the Pii U and refocus on making gaming cheaper and “natural”. Sankofa the Wii! But no. Nintendo is far to “sophisticated” for a dedicated arcade device. Nintendo is about kooky magical controllers that run out of battery life faster than you can get it up. Nintendo is about “intricate gameplay mechanics“, thinking that the selling point of games is how clever the level design is in scripted splendor, like some sort of circus performing. Nintendo is about easter egg hunts where the main objective is to find and collect several silly trinkets, whether it be gold coins, stars, Chozo Artifacts, or triumph forks in the depths of the ocean.

No one is going to buy Nintendo if Nintendo continues to deny fun factor in favor of a broken ideology that is centered around showing the world the value of … inner workings. Nintendo’s developers are so caught up in showing the value of things people do not give a shit about. In Mario, you’re supposed to care about “clever level design”. In Zelda, you’re supposed to care about playing bad music and solving puzzles. In Metroid, you’re supposed to care about…… Samus having sand in the vagina, I guess. In Smash, you’re supposed to care about Nintendo’s glorious history. It’s a contrast to what people want to do in games.

In Mario, you want to kick Koopa ass.

In Zelda, you want to kick Centaur ass.

In Metroid, you want to kick Metroid ass.

In Smash, you want to kick Pit’s ass (stupid ass, cheap ass, faggy ass , bitch ass angel!).

Nintendo does not believe ass kicking is an enjoyable activity of video games. As such, they make games that aren’t about kicking ass, but rather solving psuedo “mysteries” called “puzzles and fetch quests” to progress a shit story. But solving any mystery is considered work. Work isn’t fun, and isn’t supposed to be fun. Therefore, Nintendo games, being that they are about work and no play, are no longer fun to play.

So, with those apparent weaknesses, you expected anyone with any kind of income to spend $350-400 dollars on a piece of tech with a worse controller than N64’s….. to play HORSESHIT!? Nintendo wasted no time reducing that price tag, but that didn’t even help. People wouldn’t even pirate those lame ass games.

And Nintendo doesn’t even believe it to be feasible. However, instead of doing the logical thing and shove the Pii U into a furnace, they’re still going to try and sell it. Instead, they’ll just reduce sales expectations. I actually those to fall under just so they can piss their pants.

Why did Nintendo sell Rare, anyway? They at least made an enjoyable FPS. Nintendo can’t even make a decent platformer anymore!

I like how we haven’t heard a damn thing about that “X” game Monolith was supposedly working on. Perhaps it was canceled?

Yes, I’m aware I’ve posted less shit over the course of the holidays, but Borderlands 2 is some drug.

The FPS genre honestly continues to be more fun than Super Mario these days no matter how much the nintards hate it. Borderlands 2 is a real treat. Honestly speaking, this is probably the only damn reason to own an HD console. This game is great. It’s fun, it’s funny, and you get the natural sense of feeling like a bad ass.

All this while still being shit in the gameplay department

Borderlands 2 is the unfortunate new wave of slower paced First Person Shooters on console that emphasize taking cover and popamole tactics rather than busting through a door with led farms in hand, caps in ass action. Plus, the “realistic aiming” bullshit that pervades FPS’s like having the character try so hard to steady his damn arm that simply moving the sticks does jack shit because he keeps waving that bitch around like he’s on his 50th red bull. It’s a pain in the ass when trying to snipe a bitch, especially since snipers are the only viable fucking weapons of attack it seems.

But…… that seems to be the “in” thing for FPS these days (along with those awful reload animations). Realism aside, I had no idea what awaited me as soon as I leveled up for the first time. The game took the RPG label seriously. I cannot stand it when games do this. There are entirely too many fucking games that have RPG elements where they don’t need to be in. I have to question why developers keep pulling shit like this. The RPG genre just isn’t that popular. It’s an embarrassment to call yourself a WoW player, not everyone wants to admit to liking Pokemon, and damn sure no one cares about Final Fantasy. For the sake of our sanity, stop putting these RPG elements into genres we actually enjoy! And for Borderlands, this shit is a hindrance.

Alright, so peep this. I like snipers, right. I’m hanging back, wit my Zero in tow with all them sniping crit skills all up, got my damn Jakobs sniper wit about one fitty tree on damage, and taking headshots on bruisers. Where is my one hit crit bitch!? I gotta shoot the mother fucker 5 mo times before the mother goes down! DAT AIN’T RIGHT!

Do you know…. just how un cool it is to have a tried and true tactic of BOOM HEAD SHOT not work anymore because for some reason, the enemy has beefy stats compared to your own? FPS games generally have this tactic as a means of “fuck this enemy, moving”. It doesn’t work here because now things come down to stat comparisons. Your natural FPS instincts are denied in this game because of the RPG elements. You know, most games with RPG shit has it toned down, like you just level up for no reason half the time. You don’t even know Xmen Legends has RPG gunk in it. Sengoku Basara? It’s still kinda hack n slash anyway. Ratchet and Clank? Still an action game and totally NOT a platformer. Borderlands 2 goes out of it’s way to prove it’s an RPG and you will DAMN SURE remember it! And none of this rings truer than in the weapons department. Mostly with manufacturers. Jakobs and Vladof Snipers are the bomb while Shotguns are Torque and Theodore or nothing else. But with that comes research. If you want the best weapons, you need to look up manufacturers and their benefits, know your classes and what true benefits they have, think of proper builds and stuff, you know, all the shit you wouldn’t normally need to do for a proper FPS.

Now… this would’ve all be fine and dandy, I guess “try something different”, because it still as the same conventions of an FPS, walk into an area and unleash more “strategic hell” against enemies from different vantage points, using grenades wisely…. but a game of this calibur works with a slower pace. After a couple of Hyperion levels, the game starts cranking up the enemy counts tenfold. Now the game thinks it’s a goddamn twitch shooter! Fucking buzzards and goliaths will rain down a godly fucking firestorm upon your sorry ass. You would be POWERLESS against the onslaught since halfway through the game, you can no longer ambush enemies as much, now they ambush you twenty times over, and they just keep coming! One after another! I wouldn’t mind if the game didn’t have enemies that dwarfed not only my size, but ALSO MY FUCKING STATS! I created a sniper build Zero for a reason. I likes to snipe! I’m put into positions where getting a decent sniping vantage is drastically reduced unless I’m outdoors. That fucking area where I’m trying to kill Angel, Oh Amma, I will have NIGHTMARES FOR DAYS! Robots, Badass loaders, and barrier bots one after another, and this is all after a boss fight so you know I’m tired as hell once I step in this piece.

That’s another problem this game has. It has terrible pacing. At one point, the game might be speeding along with it’s main game with enemies and enemies and no breaks in between, other times you might just be roaming a large and open field without anything happening. It’s nerve racking and a bit fucked up considering all the ammo starvation that goes with it. You know how scarce sniper ammo is? I’m surprised the boom sticks get so much love in this bitch! If you go through ammo like a mother fucker, The Gunzerker is your man. He can refill shit at will without needing to check for boxes.

And they killed off the only African mother fucker in the game. Sons of bitches.

This is why I feel that content is more important than gameplay. Borderlands 2 is content overload. You’re a couple of treasure hunters stranded on an alien planet that’s been given the “Mad Max” treatment with corporations ruling everything, you have all these different gun manufacturers with different quality weapons that literally turn you into a gun connoisseur (I felt weird talking about the quality of recoil with certain gun makers), the thought of being stranded in a wasteland with bandits that try to kill and rob you all for the sake of survival…. it’s like Metroid Prime, Ratchet and Clank, and The Last of Us all had a menage fest going on. And….. Handsome Jack. If there was a single villain that motivated you based on pure assholiness and the desire to shoot someone so badly, hands down this guy deserves a reward. Not only is he a sarcastic douche bag, he’s also a cunning bastard too! Fooling you into taking a virus contained power core and shutting down the Sancturary’s force fields to rain down a fire storm on the city was fucking gold! That was genius!

If only the music was much better….

Dude, fuck it. If you ain’t got this game, buy it.