Archive for December, 2017

In the words of Florida Evens..

Damn, damn, DAMN!

What I find just as disheartening is that most folks online right now have ceased all discussion regarding this. As though they’ve submitted their autonomy to the telecock cartels. 

While there are lawsuits and court orders coming, deep down no one actually believes anything will work. America is a nation where the business rules the law. It’s been a week, and I get the feeling no one cares about this anymore. Less vids were made, more focus was put on Jerusalem, and the Tax Reform will make sure we can’t afford to bitch about it all. Just in time for the holidays. Not to mention the absurd amount of top bastards who wanted to abolish NN, chief among them being President Dump himself. These are very poor odds, so the idea of reversing this decision is perhaps wishful thinking. There’s already a vid where the ISPs are already raising prices. So they’re currently in the process of locking people out via price hikes.

Anywho, thanks to Christmas shopping,  I haven’t had time or energy to write anything of worth… probably what these bastards count on. Gotta love retail. You’re constantly surrounded by people who don’t have the slightest clue of what madness ensues behind their backs everyday. But, I don’t want to spoil anyone’s Holidays just yet. Verizon and Paul Ryan will do that just fine in the days to come. So I say bah humbug to all.

If anything, those Resident Evil fans will have a real life scenario to deal with in the future. 


Corporate Fascism 

In 2 days, there’s gonna be a vote on a bill that would allow the FCC to completely rape the internet. Essentially, some arab sounding douche wants to overturn Net neutrality laws that were established back in 2015 to keep communication cartels (Verizon, Comcast) from effectively locking you and me out of the internet. Essentially turning the internet into broadcast television. What this reversal would allow these bastards to do is slow down/block any websites they see fit. Or set up pay walls charging you money just to visit a website.

This will kill the internet. 

Imagine if you wanted to provide people with entertainment that wasn’t on youtube. You have your own website, you paid a mildly cheaper price for a domain than you could for a tv channel, you do all the work, you market it, you get people to know your place exist… but those same people cannot even access the site because your content was deemed a threat by the FCC merely because you had the nerve to make a parody of Verizon. Or was making content that entertained people and took viewership from a big name website… who could then have the FCC set up a paywall on your site without your approval, you don’t even get a cut of the profit, and effectively cuts off your viewership? This wouldn’t be net neutrality as it means there is no neutral grounds for people to provide content equally with those that have buddies in high places.

I recall a story where Verizon deliberately slowed down the speeds of certain websites as part of a “test”. These sites had no choice but to be a part of this test, it can happen at anytime without your knowing, and there isn’t a damn thing you can do about it. Suppose it was done indefinitely? Maybe you’d have pay a fee just to have smoother streaming? That’s what Netflix had to do for both Comcast and Verizon, and as a result, had to raise their rates just to keep up with these payments. 

Goddamn You, Orwell. 

This is what corporations do. They destroy everything that people need and lock everyone out to gain and maintain power over the masses. People can grow their own food? Now they need to pay a steep fee for a license to grow food. They do everything in their power to eliminate competition before they can even be a threat. The internet gave people the ability to compete without the need to go through corporations to make money. Another ground of competition. And now, they plan on taking it down.

America is on it’s way to becoming China. With all the crap about overpopulation being a hot topic, sibling rivalry will be a thing of the past. 

MGS2 was right all along.

Yeah, the plot is shit too (MKXL)

Well I did say I was gonna refrain from mentioning it! 😛

…fuck it, I got nothing better to write about atm. :P.  My views on the story aren’t too different from yours, actually. With the exception of Quan Chi. His demise is actually pleasant despite how illogical that fight turned out.

I didn’t touch upon the story as it’s been 2 years since the game’s been out, and unlike most material, I assumed it would be redundant to cover it as well… for some reason. If the previous 2 NRS fighters have taught me anything, NRS is bad at MK stories and spectacular at DC comic stories. Of course it seems like everyone has all these genius ideas for DC super heroes and nothing else, the fucking nerds.

 I liked MK9’S story up until it was revealed that Cyrax was turned into a robot despite the fact that his arc had actual closure with him abandoning the Lin Kuei, and NRS continues to fuck it up from there on out. Killing Kung Lao, turning Subs into a robot, and having Sindel rape everything in the whole game. By then, the story was beyond unsalvagable. That being said, X’s plot is objectively handled with much better care. The main issue is that it focuses on shit no one cares about. What you mentioned, the outworld civil war, Is glossed over in favor of New Generation characters that I assumed garnered no actual favor from the fans, otherwise no one would be bitching about them. 

New Generation characters are never fan favorites no matter what happens, and only exist for storyline purposes when the creators get tired of creating continuity for existing characters. The players know this and it pisses us off because we enjoy particular characters for more than just their gameplay and fighting style, and the developers are outright assuming that fighting game fans are all tourneyfags who don’t care about the characters and see them as nothing but tools for victory. There’s a reason people hated Lucario in Brawl because some people actually liked Mewtwo. 

Fortunately, NRS had enough sense not to can the old vets… cept Jade… and for everyone else, Baraka. But i’ve talked intro shit long enough. “Lets get on wit it”

So the story starts off with.. narration. Because we don’t need to be drawn into this story with the age old “show, don’t tell” technique. We learn that Shinnok is an asshole who tried to take over all the realms or… shit. But Raiden kicked his ass and sent him down to the Netherrealm as  punishment for his transgression. Then we get a recap of MK9. This is probably one of the worst ways you could do an intro. First off, as it is a sequel, if it is going to recap events of the previous installment,  that is literally all it should do. Or vice versa and exclusively talk about material that relates to the current entry. These are, afterall, storylines that don’t seem all that connected to each other outside of a cliffhanger. As far as the player is concerned (as well as the game itself), the events of the previous installment and those of this game have nothing to do with each other and comes off as rushed and stuffed together. Shinnok’s rebellion has nothing to do with Shao Khan’s desire to win Mortal Kombat. It’s information overload without providing context as to how these 2 events correlate with each other. In essence, the opening prologue assumes you are already familiar with MK material from a timeline that… is being retconned up the arse. That’s a problem with the whole game, too. More on that later.

Anyway, we come to a random ruined city where Shinnok has already invaded. It’s been 2 years since MK9 so… w/e details happened between then and now is not important unless you read some damn comics. Because money, not to “explain” shit. Everything that went into MKX might as well have been a series of ransoms. Johnny Cage, Sonya Blade, and random Kenshi are all leading a new special forces unit to stop the invasion by assisting Raiden at the Shaolin Temple. Instead, they are ambushed by Scorpion and Sub-Zero whose asses Johnny proceeds to kick simultaneously. 

This… bothers me frankly as Johnny is the joke character of this franchise, yet he’s holding his own against 2 arguably superior fighters at once with no assistance whatsoever. This is probably one of those “more than meets the eye” tropes as this comic relief douchbag who jobbed so hard in 9, is all of a sudden powerful and skillful enough to beat 2 zombie ninjas whose skills dwarfed his own in comparison. Now, I could buy the theory that Sindel completely trashing everyone in 9 was enough cause for Cage to take his training more seriously, and people can improve a lot in 2 years time. That and one can assume that the zombies don’t train and are simply enforcers of Quan Chi. But even so, I refuse to buy that he could outperform Kenshi, a guy who regularly beefs with overpowered ass Ermac, when dealing with zombie ninjas. I don’t. 

Anywho, they go to the woods and fight more Quan Zombies, taunting me with an unplayable Nightwolf, and trashing Jax who is just plain ashy. After that, they fight their way to the temple where Raiden and Fujin are fighting off demon hordes. Assuming I didn’t play Armageddon, how the fuck else am I supposed to know who Fujin was? Again, we are assuming the player did not come into the series via 9. Because he has no introduction, no context to his presence, and he remains absent for the rest of the game. He was merely an easter egg for longtime fans, voiced by that gatdayumm Troy Baker. 

Anywho, Quan Cheap shows up with his zombies (Sans Jade for no reason other than a negroid limit) only to have them get their asses kicked, prompting Shinnok to come out of the wood work, also voiced by that gatdayumm Troy Baker, and proceed to make the 2 gods scream like little bitches. Then they are then saved by Johnny Cage himself. Raiden should be embarrassed. Afterward, Shinnok kicks the shit out of Johnny and Sonya… and something really bullshit happens. Johnny Cage uses his Shadow energy…. to survive a lethal blast from Shinnok… and proceed to defeat him!!!

Remember my “theory” of Johnny taking his training seriously? Throw that shit out of a window because now he’s strong enough to defeat a ….. a fallen elder god… WITH THE POWER…. OF LOOOOOOVE!!!! FRIGGIN LOVE!!!!

for a game about gore, this is the gayest shit they could use for an ex machina! It’s a silly, unjustifiable anime trope that serves no purpose than to artificially give the good guys an excuse to win what was built up to be an impossibly one-sided fight! It’s cheap, lazy, and makes the suspension of disbelief an insult to your brain. And it’s fucking Johnny Cage!! The joke character who jobbed harder than Baraka and the four armed fucks… is now more powerful than liu kang!  Yep, I feel sorry for the MK fandom for having to endure this horse shit. 

Raiden then uses Shinnok’s amulet to seal Shinnok…. inside of it? Someone wanna run that by me? Bah, anywho, Johnny is all happy that Sonya called him “Johnny”…. ugh… when did MK become sn anime? 

25 years later, Johnny tells four teenagers with attitude that he survived fighting because of an arcade ending in MK9 because fuck you, now you have to replay arcade mode in 9 just to find out what other endings might be canon so they don’t sneak fuck you with another curveball twist that makes no sense in context.

So Johnny is leading a new special forces team consisting of

Cassie Cage: Military Nepotism at it’s finest where Ashley Burch aims to take Laura Bailey’s job of overused female voice. Her last name starts with B so it’s guaranteed. Speaking of which..

Kung Jin: Johnny Bosch once again is typecast as a jackass who just treats everyone with disdain for absolutely no reason other than “writers don’t know how to write a popular rebel without a cause””. Fights with Green Arrow’s moves because WB wanted to save money. Easily the most hated character in MKX.

Jaqcui Briggs: Token black girl who doesn’t get a whole lot of back story unlike the other 3 because the devs like vanilla and lemon ice cream more so than chocolate. With the exception of…

Takeda: Son of a blind guy who was raised by Scorpion…. eww. Deserves a better role but is instead religated to the nice guy of the group who just wants to bang Jaqcui. 

Cage gives them their first mission of infiltrating the Lin…

Oh… ok… so we’re in outworld now. Um… here we see Kotal Khan riding in a carriage. .. 

*hysterical laughter*

*cough* Sorry, I don’t know why I find this funny. Some half naked aztec riding around in a wooden wagon with Kano, another greasy shirtless dog. I just think Outworld would have something more… “out there” than a plain old wooden carriage for transporting royals. It just makes them seem primitive. 

Kotal Khan is making a deal with Kano which is nothing but a ruse by Mileena to lure him into an ambush. She, Rain, and bleached Tanya watch from afar as a Tarkatun horde tries to kill them. Kano tries to kill Khan here, but gets his ass kicked and is stabbed in the back. Afterward, Khan beats the remaining black off of Tanya and proceeds to the roof where he fucks up more Tarkatuns, and eventually has to kick Rain’s ass. Oh look! He’s an actual character that is literally unplayable! Not even as DLC, not even in XL. Brilliant, Warner Bastards. Just…. Brilliant. 

Before Rain is executed, he is saved by Mileena whom Khan eats for breakfast. As he tries to kill her, Mileena uses Shinnok’s amulet to blow him off before fainting and being saved by Rain.

This chapter was goddamned perfect.

So it is with a heavy dick that I ask if you enjoyed it…. because that’s the last time you’ll have the story be as good as this chapter. 

So now we come back to the special forces high school who are on a field trip to defeat Sub Zero. The plan is to sneak up on and take down the Lin Kuei Solid Snake. However, Jin says fuck that plan because he’s an idiot. There is literally no reason for him to disobey orders other than “Cassie needs to know to be a better leader, so let’s have Jin’s dick ass behavior be her fault!” Or something, I don’t know. Goddamn he’s terrible. 

So Subs whoops all of their asses and reveals that it was a training exercise set up by Cage… wait… what!?

Ok, clearly I don’t know shit about MK Lore,  and I probably should’ve bought it up earlier… but why the fuck would a sect of Ninjas actually trust a military organization… with the location of their hideout!? I’m assuming the Lin kuei were very secretive and wouldn’t want to risk any real exposure lest their enemies try to wipe them out. Suppose the Lin Kuei started some activities that Special forces didn’t approve of, or thought was some sort of threat. They could be carpet-bombed!

 And why would they want to waste their time giving exhibition matches to people that could potentially be their future enemies, one of which is a fucking shirai ryu ninja! A rival clansman! You mean none of these Ninja fucks thought “Holy shit! Enemy, die!!!”? 

Anyway, they report to a refugee camp where Li Mei, yet another character I wouldn’t know about had I not play Armageddon prior. Fortunately, the game doesn’t expect you to know who the hell she is, and she doesn’t even fight, so newcomers wouldn’t be thrown off. Anywho, she laments that Mileena had Shinnok’s amulet, and Raiden decides to find out why.

How did Mileena get it anyway?

Anyhow, Sonya acts all bitchy toward Cage for some reason (probably regrets fucking him) and the noobs are sent to Outworld to investigate. 

Here, Jin just lays it on yah about why he’s shit. First, he just goes off at the mouth about Outworld being a shit hole that attracts the attention of Erron Bla-… Aw jeez, is Troy Baker voicing this asshole too!? Jin manages to convince him to give them an audience with Kotal Khan. Before that is a public execution for the mere theft of vegetables. Jin decides to stop the execution because fuck yeah ethnocentrism, and causes a riot. D’vorah stops the riot and grants them an audience with Khan. The gang tells him he’s a dumbass and then…. flashback?

Ok, this is one story mode’s many short comings. There are too many flash back sequences. Flashbacks shouldn’t be so damn common in any story as it means the creators don’t know how to give people the short version of a particular story. You could’ve just had Jin tell the gang that “I was a theif myself and I believe we all deserve second chances”. Not only would that allow us to understand why he was an idiot, it also opens up the development of character relations. The other 3 could relent and say “damn, we didn’t even know”…or anything!  Instead, that little arc goes nowhere for the rest of the game, and that is no good.

A flashback is supposed to provide contextual information that is relevant and important to the rest of the plot. Not just a background story that may or may not be interesting to the audience. If you’re gonna do that, then at least have the characters actions be reflective of those flashbacks in how they react to certain events that come up. What does Jin’s past as a thief have to do with the theft of Shinnok’s amulet, for example? Did he perhaps steal it and give it to Mileena to cause Raiden trouble over his resentment towards him allowing Kung lao to die at the hands of Shao Khan? No!? Perhaps he’ll use his thieving ways to steal back the amulet from Kotal Khan when inevitably betrays the group? No!? Perhaps he picks pockets some guys for prison keys! Not even close! The flashback only occurs to… give you clarity on why Jin started the riot… and nothing more. It does not enhance the story in any meaningful way, especially since Jin becomes invisible for the rest of the game. But… not before completely degrading Kotal Khan. See, Cassie tries to negotiate a term of cooperation in regards to how to deal with Mileena, but is refused thanks to Jin’s horse shit. But, in the only scene which he is useful, Jin appeals to Khan’s “sense of honor” or w/e bs they came up with because it’s a convenient excuse, by fighting him in single kombat. So here, Khan loses to this fuck face and pleads to be killed. Yes, I probably wouldn’t want to live  on knowing I got my ass kicked by Chinese Green Arrow…. but don’t you have a country to run!? 

If you died here, then who would be your successor!? Your death would infact allow Mileena to retake the throne and, using Shinnok’s amulet, abuse it’s power, killing herself and then allowing Rain’s power hungry ass to take over Outworld, and seeing that MK9  arcade endings matter now, he would violate the “Reiko Accords” and invade other realms! Did the writers not think about these consequences!? It makes Khan out to be a weak willed leader who would sooner end his own life than look out for the good will of his people! 

Also, gotta hand it to NRS to make all the workers in this background stage humanoid… and heavily tanned. Outworld has all kinds of races to do manual labor, but apparently chocolates are the only ones suitable for the work. Hidden in plain sight, indeed.

Back at the refugee camp, we get Sonya receiving word that the amulet he was guarding was a fake (20 years on the job and you just now noticed this?), but he gets cut off even though it looks like s mystical relic so I don’t know how it would lose reception. Then Johnny comes around and they have an argument about Sonya working too much and not having ti- i’m sorry…. do you care!? This is Mortal Kombat!! You have a story and a universe of weird magic shit going down between interdimensional wars and invasions! Why the fuck would I be more interested in why these characters have committment issues!?

Anyway, we get another flashback so soon after the last one where Cage and Sonya infiltrate Quan Chi’s manor, but get ambushed by said marty stu and his ninja zombies plus zombie jax. Cage gets stabbed, causing another zombie to appear in a pool of blood. Suddenly, Raiden just pops in conveniently and tries to heal Cage. Sonya beats up Quan Chi in a scene that everyone should like but absolutely despise. I say fuck Quan Cheap and humbly welcome any demise he gains. Stomping his nuts in apparently reverses the zombie effect, allowing Subs, Scorpion, and jax to live again…. but not Kung Lao, Liu Kang, Kitana, Jade, or Sindel?

Now this is a better flashback as it does indeed give context to details within the story…. but has 2 problems. Subs was a robot…. right? A zombie robot. How the piss did he regain humanity!? Also, the remnants keep the bodies they have… and not go back to their original ones!? Jax is technically Ben Grimm! A rock zombie! How the fuck did he make a baby!? Did Quan Chi really care about how his zombies reproduce!? Necrophilia has never been so fucked up!

Anywho, we get an obligatory Sonya vs Kano fight that ultimately goes nowhere. Doy!

Back in outworld, the gang tracks down Mileena in the jungle. Oh right, there was another goddamn flashback explaining why there’s a civil war in the first place. Mileena was simply ousted, she’s pissed. Meh. In the jungle, Rain explains he gave Mileena the amulet so that it would kill her, but hopefully not before she kills Khan. But eh, D’Vorah takes them all down, delivers Mileena back to Khan, and kills her with a story exclusive fatality. She couldn’t just bite off D’Vorah’s face?

Then Khan gets the amulet and imprisons the Teen Titans because it’s too shiny to give back to Earthrealm. Then D’Vorah steals the amulet and reveals that she’s working for Quan Chi.

Ok… what the fuck!? There’s a million problems wrong with this set up. Why is D’Vorah working for Quan Chi? What does she gain from helping to revive Shinnok? Was she just an agent all along, including the years in which she helped oust Mileena!? What benefit would that be to Quan Chi, why would he care who’s in charge!? If their goal was to get the amulet, wasting all their time in outworld political wars did nothing for them. It was pure convenience that allowed D’Vorah to secure the amulet for Quan Chi. The writers only thought about the twist in the plot rather than how anything led up to that twist. This is where a flashback would be helpful…. but noooooo! We’ll save that for Takeda’s daddy issues.

Jax apparently became a farmer,  hoping to get away from all the freaky shit that’s happened to him (a realistic black character!?). But Sonya eggs him back in because Jaqcui is involved despite his wishes that… everyone seems to treat as being a flaw of his character for some reason (Cage and Jax pre-fight dialog for example).

Anywho, imprisoned, the teen forces have a pity party over losing the amulet. Pussies. Takeda, being the only useful character atm tricks a guard and gets his key. Another flashback. During their escape, they find out D’Vorah stole the amulet and fight their way off the docks. I also loved how Ermac slams Jin’s head into the ground. So satisfying! 

They contact special forces only to find that Jax came out of retirement. This is literally the only time Jax and Jaqcui interact w/ each other the entire fucking game. Ah well, it’s more than jin gets with Lao.

In the Netherrealm,  conveniently enough, SF is already in position to take down Quan Chi. Sareena is there, yet another damn character I wouldn’t know about if I didn’t have Armageddon!  So what happens is Quan Chi falls off his horse, and runs away like a little bitch, while Jax rips ass on Sindel and Kitana. Sareena mentions Bi Han in hopes that you played MK Mythologies, Sub-Zero so that you would understand that easter egg. Jax trails Quan q to his manor where Liu Kang basically says he’s too weak to revive Shinnok. Convenient! Jax kicks both of ther asses and orders a pickup for Quan while he waits for D’Vorah. And that is the last we see or hear from Jax for the rest of the game. 

SF has Quan un bondage for interrogation, but is interrupted by Scorpion and the Shirai Ryu who simply wants Quan dead. Thus, he proceeds to kick everyone’s asses FLASHBACK gatdayumm! 

This one actually provides context for this exact scene, and is the only flashback that is well executed. Subs informs Scorpion that Quan Chi was responsible for killing his family. And there’s Frost, another gatdayumm character the game expects you to know!

So he beats up Quanny, D’Vorah arrives (Uh… Jax? What happened dawg!?) And gives Quan the amulet.  He chants some shit before getting decapped. And now Shinnok is alive. He kidnaps Cage and goes to the shaolin temple, with Teen Forces making it back in time for Scorpion to not admit he fucked up.

Raiden is just chillin, having a talk with Bo Rai Cho, Steve Blum not wanting to be outdone by fellow va whore Troy Baker, obviously, and reminiscing about Kang and Lao. Unimportant Flashback.

then bo rai cho is killed by Shinnok. He has the remaining zombies fight off Raiden. I actually enjoyed this segment. You have 2 Shaolin Warriors fighting against a god whom they both put their faith in, but were let down. That and Raiden was constantly lamenting on his guilt of letting these 2 die, now he’s fighting against the ghosts of his mistakes. This was a damn good scene!

Afterward,:Raiden is captured and Shinok poison’s some shit called a Jinsei, a fucks up Earthrealm. Teen Forces are heading over over there, but get shot down. And worse yet, Khan begins an invasion. Tjis Jaqcui’s chapter, but unlike Jin, Takeda, and soon Cassie, she gets no backstory or  any development whatsoever.  Her chapter… is all about shipping her with Takeda. During an invasion and subsequent corruption of Earthrealm. 

I get it. The game was made by white folks.

When khan learns that Shinnok is taking over, he blurts out that he plans to use the teens as bargaining chips, the moron. Why would Shinnok care about people who haven’t been a threat to anyone thus far? He’d probably kill you off for trying to buy him off with weaklings, and then shit on Outworld for kicks anyway. 

Mileena was probably better suited as a leader because Kotal Khan is an incompetent jackass who doesn’t think about the ramifications of his own actions and just pulls plans out of his own ass on a dime. Hasty decisions lead to early demise.
So now ive just lost interest by this point as Subs comes from nowhere to push back Outworld, gives the teens words of encouragement.. and they go on to pull… all the bullshit in the world!

Takeda and Jaqcui taking on Kang, Lao, Kitana and Sindel… and surviving. Killing D’Vorah before she completely covers Cage in puke juice, and Cassie… fucking…. Cage… defeats a Pyron/Diablo looking Shinnok…. because “derpaderp! Heriditary awesomeness! ” Fuck this whole sequence. 

The idea that Johnny Cage was descended from  cult of god-like warriors was ridiculous enough, Johnny beating Shinnok the first time was utterly retarded, but they wanted Johnny the douche to replace liu kang as the main hero when there is nothing interesting about him… but I draw the line when the  fucking daughter can just suddenly access that power and defeat a  more powerful Shinnok!?

At least Johnny could use his power prior to fighting Shinnok! Cassie can’t just get a random powerup and just beat a stronger shinnok out the gate!


Shinnok is beheaded, cage and sonya get back together, Raiden becomes evil, and now liu kang rules the fucking Netherrealm.

This story is full of shit. It’s told much better, but it’s far less interesting as it focuses on characters no one cares about. You want more Raiden because he was the main character of the last title. Not some new kids that came out of nowhere randomly. Too many flashbacks that reveal nothing of importance, characters act like idiots…… my head hurts

Old trope? Fuck it. It’s relevant to the stupidity of this sequel.

You all know how much I was jakin off to getting this game when it was announced. Not having a PS4, the announcement that it was on PS3 was a beautiful thing! At least until 3 months after it’s next gen release where NRS broke my balls! “Kancelled” they said! All because they refused to get another developer to port the game instead of High Voltage, a bunch of inept retards who kouldn’t port a PS2 game to PS3. Now that have upgraded, I kould finally obtain what I had been so wrongfully denied!

Unfortunately, I might have to uninstall the shit as the game has a krash bug. Lovely! No wonder it was kancelled on PS3, they kan’t even get it to work on the goddamn PS4! 

So… after a couple of weeks of playing, here’s what they’ve opted to fuk up. I’ll refrain from mentioning the story.

1. NRS went to the Namko school of arbitrarily changing the goddamn move kommands. 

Great… so now I have to relearn the assholes they bothered to bring back! Idk about anyone else, but back-forward motions are my kryptonite. Half the time, I find myself jumping in the air while trying to attempt these motions. Rotationals (Down-Fowards, Half-Circles) feel more natural as you don’t really need to take your thumb off quickly to tap the other end of the d-pad. That or you risk accidental inputs or jumps. I suppose you could buffer them shits between moves to save yourself the trouble, but eh.

So imagine my dismay when I go to muh boi Jax to find his Dash punch is a goddamn straight motion!! Nooo! You just fucked him up right there! Square, Tri, Dash Punch! Dat was muh spammy kombo, It’s now fucked beyond all reason!

Beyond that personal tiff which chaps my ass to no end, not only did they change the inputs, they also thought it was a good idea to switch the buttons that they are performed on. For example, Cyrax (Or Triborg, w/e the fuck you wanna call him) has his air grab changed from Down-Foward Square. … to Down-Back Circle! Does that change make any sense to you!? A special attack shouldn’t just be put on any random button. It should match up with those designated buttons. An ariel grab makes sense on a button designated for punches. Circle is usually designated for kicks. It doesn’t feel natural, is what I’m sayin. And it’s disorienting as hell!

Here’s the thing. If you’re gonna bring back kharacters, have the decency to keep their move sets unchanged. Though I’m assuming this was done for another reason altogether. More on that later. Some of these changes makes sense, like Jax’s ground punch being down down Circle instead of down foward/back X like in 9. But again! Different button! What the hell!?

2. Game komes off as “too serious“.

Mortal Kombat was never a series that took itself seriously. After all, finishing moves started getting goofier and sillier as the series went, maybe as a mockery of the soccer moms and politicians who went apeshit over the game, similarly to Robocop 2, or because they were high, or just wanted to be funny. W/e the case is, the games knew they were ridiculous, and in a way, was part of it’s charm. Hell, MK9 was pure slapstick. Certainly it was also trying to take itself more seriously than the previous entries, but it had enough… don’t know the word to describe it. It just had it.

MKX, on the other hand, just feels morbid and depressing. Every facet of this game feels lifeless, kold, “dramatic”. A major kontrast with the installments. I’m assuming the praise of the 9 went to NRS’ s head and they started thinking they kould do something more serious with the game. It komes akross as something trying to be epik and grandiose. The whole presentation almost justifies Bo Rai Cho’s appearance because goddamn.

I’m assuming this is because the game is based around the plot of MK4 which some may perceive as being one of the darker entries in the series, and the light tone we get is from Tanya. I get it. Mortal Kombat was always a dark series. It’s main attraction was black humor to the core. But even so, does it have to feel so depressing? It almost komes off as humorless. Like the kreators were trying too hard to make this game “darker-er” if that makes sense.

And no. Johnny and Cassie don’t mitigate that one bit. For fuck’s sake, one of Cassie’s fatalities is a goddamn selfie joke! What kind of out of touch elderly man would think this dated reference was a good idea!?

3. Everyone loves Kano’s heart rip fatality. 

Personally, I hate it. Blame Temple of Doom. That being said, we have 5 different kharacters with a variant of that one fatality. Making it less desirable for me to use these kharacters.  Yeah yea “just don’t do the fatality”.

That’s not a fault itself. Or maybe it is as it speaks to a lack of imagination most of these fatalities have. Or the game in general. Yes, i’m sure kriticizing a game for lacking imagination or originality when it’s part of a series that previously had well over 13 palette swaps is an oxymoron…. but kome on. Very little of these fatalities kould even be konsidered unique. Or even kool. They focused on simply making them as grotesque as possible. If that’s what they were going for, so be it. But they focused so much on the gore that the fatalities become distinct without difference. And try-hard lame to boot. You know something is wrong when the X-Rays kick more ass than the series trademark.

4. New kharacters are bland.

It’s hilarious when the game was first unveiled, everyone was so enamored with Ferra/Torr. Quite frankly the least imaginative kharacter they could think of, but because white folks love Mad Max so damn much, Ferra/Torr immediately gained a following. .. for a few days. Must be a thing a real MK fan would understand. Everyone loves Baraka even though he looks no better than a demon hell spawn.

What else do we have? A bug bitch who wants to be a hanar from Mass Effect. A kowboy who looks like he’s into bdsm, 4 new generation kiddies. … ok, Takeda is actually kool, and an Aztec warrior voiced by Phil Lamaar. There’s also the generic tremor. Again.. something is wrong when new characters from Deadly Alliance and Deception look more badass than the new characters in this game. Outside of kotal khan and Takeda, you would be hard pressed to try out any of the new guys. They look absolutely boring, drab, and reek of rushed design schedule. I say that in particular because some of the concept art look a helluva lot better than what they fart into this game.

All this shit compared to what we get in the final cut is amazing. These new fucks could’ve looked a helluva lot better had they not just gone with the most basic looking designs. Hell, even the alternate costumes barely have any real distinction or appeal. Want D’vorra to have a hood on… or a spiked belt strap for a bra? Ferra/Torr with a burlap sack for a mask… or a bird cage!? Erron Black with stripper gear… or shirtless!? What a fine selection of choices you’ve provided! 

But hell, they have the excuse of being new characters and thus not subject to harsher critique.  The vets come out the cut lookin worse than before. What the hell happened to Kitana’s face!? She had this latina look going for her NOPE, transformed into a man between installments. NRS doesn’t have the best track record in designing faces, but by the balls of Ra… she is downright hideous! That and her costume is the worst example of feminist pandering you could ever find in gaming. What exactly is she supposed to be wearing? Is she a circus performer now? 

Ironically, Sonya seems to age in reverse. Johnny’s face is too long. Ermac has a mouth now, and that just fucks his whole design up. Just all kinds of unnecessary changes here and there. The overall art direction just didn’t advance much… and seems to have gone backwards. A lot of the alternate costumes are shit and not worth any amount of time needed to unlock them (Especially Sub-Zero), and retardly enough, they have Russian cold war costumes. What the fuck is WB’s interest in the cold war? And what MK fan would care about a cold war costume that’s merely just winter fucking clothing! They have no business being in a mortal kombat game. For all the money invested into those piece of shit Russian costumes, you could’ve made Rain a playable fuckin character! Or Kai even. Have a game based around MK4, and you don’t even use most of new assholes from that game. Cause damn sure we didn’t need Kano back.

Well, Reptile looks better, I guess.

5. My precious Kung Lao…. is neutered!

This is kurrently my biggest gripe. Kung Lao was mah boi back in 9, second to Jax. The amount of ass you could whoop with this man.. you know, granted you’re not fighting Kitana or Kano. But in X!? He’s is absolutely worthless! Take one of the smoothest kontrolling kharacters with some of the fastest and stylish moves of the previous games… and make him stiff, have shit kombos, remove his rolling kick… and render one of his kombos non-functional!

The Fist Fury shit that he had in the first game… is listed as being in this game… and yet it doesn’t…. fucking…. work! After the first 2 punches, the rest of the kombo doesn’t even kome out. I don’t know if the timing is stricter, a nerf that isn’t detailed in the movelist, or faulty programming, but w/e the case is, as far as I’m concerned, that shit isn’t in the game. Even so, Kung Lao just feels stiff and awkward to handle. Chaining his normals into his specials even feels difficult to do. More so than everyone else! Lao literally kan’t kombo for shit in this game, and it bugs the hell out of me. He has no options outside of useless gimmicks provided by the variations. They fucked him up! I don’t kare what anyone says, they fucked him up! He ain’t the same person. Currently a wasted character slot.

It seems that a lot of kharacters I used in 9 got nerfed in some way. Kano’s balls… spin attacks are much slower to activate, Johnny’s Somersault loses height and arcing properties as well as having more delays on start up, Quan Chi is simply pathetic… basically just leaves me with Jax and reptile. I noticed characters I don’t care for (like Subs and Raiden) are significantly more pisstakingly annoying than before, even though Raiden’s little… thunder grab or w/e got nerfed too (opponent gets blasted away unlike in 9 where the opponent would just fall to the floor, allowing you to do follow up attacks while the asshole is still airborne.)

As well, a lot of kharacter kombos are easier to pull off than in 9, which I suppose is good. Make the game less intimidating for newbs and all… but all these nerfs! How broken was 9 to justify…. actually, don’t answer that. Still, changing inputs is a dick move and just alienates people. Especially if the new inputs make no sense or just serve as a “soft nerf” by making the inputs harder or confusing without necessarily removing the moves. Cause some developers think they’re slick like that.

6. Variations might as well be a blazblue gimmick. 

Now here was an interesting idea when it was first announced. Take a single character and give em 3 distinct fighting styles! A beautiful incentive to experiment with certain kharacters time and again. Though I suspected that this would make moves for characters much more difficult to remember because you have 3 different movesets to watch out for. 

And while I wasn’t too far off the mark with that assumption, it was too much to hope for these variations to have any real value beyond cheap gimmicks to artificially induce replay value. The variations serve no real value in fights and may be liabilities in the long run, depending on the character you use. That and they are just as uninspired as the fatalities. Take Jaqui for instance. All of her variations deal with changing how her projectiles work and nothing else. You got shot gun, some plasma shit, and full auto which is a machine gun volley and some missiles.  Unfortunately, I find myself using shot gun as the attacks are much faster and cover a wider range than the other 2. Full auto has poor recovery, and plasma has no range. So there’s no real incentive to using the other 2 variant. 

On the other hand, there’s reptile who’s variations just give him 3 different buffs to work with. You can turn invisible, rip off the Flash’s speed force from Injustice, or just have a poison cloud. All his shit is useless, however, as activating these buffs puts you at risk of getting smacked. The amount of time it takes to turn these buffs on is simply too long and leaves you vulnerable to attack. And worse, these buffs only last for a few seconds or until you get hit, so they’re not even worth it! These didn’t even have to be variations.  Just configure those buffs to other buttons. 

Also I must bemoan the desire for devs to put input buffs into fighting games. They’re not RPGs. Get over it. No one has the time during any match to try and activate these useless powerups for the brief windows they’re given. It’s practically insulting to say I have to activate a buff to have any kind of advantage in a match.

The variations are either imbalanced or useless altogether. But more insultingly, it makes little difference which ones you choose as the difference in abilities are limited to 1 or 2 moves at best. They’re completely pointless. Many of these differences could’ve fit on a singular fighting style. Splitting them was unnecessary.  Unless it’s for what I suspect…

7. They focused too much on balance. 

Ok, back dashing is pretty common in fighting games now, right? It allows you to retreat from rowdy opponents and get away from a potentially deadly attack. 

Why am I being punished for this!? 

In X, you now have an energy meter that dictates whether or not you can backdash, run, or use background items. I can understand not wanting players to abuse the stage for their own advantage (but leaving those backgrounds as is instead of making it gameplay was too much to ask for)… but why the fuck are you placing restrictions on basic movement!? I didn’t think fighting game devs could be more arbitrary and obnoxious than ASW with their negative penalty bullshit. 

How far down have fighting games gone when developers start thinking that back dashing is an abusable technique whereby they have to limit their usage!? This game has enough micromanagement with breakers, ex moves, X-Rays, interactables and so and so. All that shit you gotta keep track of, and you have to limit back dashes. You might as well be playing MK2 with all these hinderances. When you find that a fighting game limits what you can do in it, it’s clear enough that the developers are dictating how you should play the game. Which of course begs the question “if you didn’t want me to abuse this technique or gimmick, why put it in the goddamn game!?

I don’t know what tourneyfags they’re trying to appease, but obviously they have some super sacred knowledge of the inner workings of fighting systems that back dashing gives all players some universally unfair advantage that I was previously unaware of. Perhaps a few players had some hit and run tactics whereby they smack players around, then back dash followed up by fireball? That kind of shit? Idk, these anal retentive cocksuckers obsess over details like that.

But see… I’m assuming that’s why all of these changes were implemented. Changed inputs, attack properties, variations, and micromanagement nonsense. … all of it was done for competitive balance. And their idea of balance is exclusively “stop the abuse!” Rather than giving all characters viable abilities that allow them to compete on equal ground. 

But… that’s kinda problematic in itself. Everyone believes that it is virtually impossible to have a completely balanced fighting game due to how different and varied a character’s array of moves are, and the intended play styles the devs have in mind. Not to mention, the players will always find exploits to win because they don’t give damn about balance. They care about winning. That’s where all these restrictions come in, this desire to reduce the risk of exploits being found. Hey, you could just make it so that Jacqui isnt shit by giving her better moves. No? Neutering kung lao was higher priority? Fuck you too!

Then… it hit me. The over-balancing acts, the tonal differences, the more extreme gore, and even the story are all symptoms of… well, simply put, Ed and the boys want to be taken seriously

I went back and played Armageddon on the Wii. Yeah, I was shocked I still had this game too. And… it’s crap by all means… but it’s goddamn hilarious. All the stuff that went on that game was over the top silly. The team kinda treated MK as a parody of itself while still trying to maintain a lore that is deep and interesting enough to keep the fans around. But you know what I noticed? Unlocking the krypt shit in that game revealed a lot of bloopers. In particular, these were just bugs the devs found while play testing which… they thought was funny and decided to share them as bloopers. What developer you know actually did some shit like this? Beyond that, you had this other silly like motor kombat… Which honestly. .. kicked ass. It reviled in the silliness and didn’t give 2 shits what people thought. And… that might’ve been the point I was missing with the earlier games.

Mortal Kombat was a fighting game franchise that did it’s own thing. They didn’t try to focus on making a competitive fighter, it didn’t care about or even that soccer moms had panic attacks and the mere sound of “finish him!”. Mortal Kombat was the Sonic of fighting games, by that I mean they would say “fuck conventional design, we want to kick ass! We want to grab people’s attention by their balls”. And that they did. While every other fighter aside from… maybe Soul Calibur, was busy fiddling with more “tactical” special moves and a new love affair with stances, MK just kept building it mythology, with the gameplay being supplementary. And through it all, they kept making fun of themselves. Cause they just didn’t give a fuck.

This might not be the most appropriate phrase to use, but I get the impression that the midway team had a preserved sense of child-like awe… goddamn that sounds gay…

I dont know a better phrasing though as MKX definitely comes off as a game made by a team that is ashamed of it’s origins. NRS wants to be taken seriously,  NRS wants to be grown up, NRS wants the world to know they have matured. They want EVO to accept them so badly that they practically fucked up everything they had going for them in 9. They want to be AAA, they want that E-Sport recognition. How does that saying go? “When I grow up, I put away childish things including the desire to be seen as grown up” or some shit like that?

Whatever the case… MKX isn’t a total loss. The brutalities are fun to pull off, the Krypt is more fun than the actual game, and I suppose if you want child-like awe, you have to go for “Test your luck” or kustom kombat. Otherwise, the game simply isn’t as fun as 9 was. Hell, the game just feels slow. I watched some old vids of UMK3 and it looks so damn fast! Overpowered, abusable moves, yes. BUT DAT SPEED!!! NRS is fuckin up with these slow ass animations and recovery times. And nothing excuses crashes or input bugs (which I suspect is the case for kung lao since one of his listed kombos doesn’t even fucking work).

Gahhh, well, hope those Ninja Turtles are worth the anticipation. Surely NRS will have fixed the crash bug in that game by the time the complete edition drops.