Tag Archive: gaming


In the gaming world, we’ve hoodwinked ourselves into thinking that saturation in the gaming market is the result of bad taste in entertainment. Saturation of military shooters are due to the “bro-gamers” who refuse to try anything new. We assume then that innovation just doesn’t sell as a result. Or that “we don’t know what we want” because the claims that we want something different is contradicted by the actual people who bought the game (which is everyone who actually wanted it…. vs the rest of the world).

The game industry and idiots over the internet really don’t understand he fundamentals of selling a product to people as we’ve convinced ourselves that gaming is something more than a product. And we do that, we disconnect gaming from regular trends of buying and selling. We just don’t understand why games sell anymore. Hopefully, I can alleviate that as I’ve become arrogant enough to believe so.

First and foremost, people need to understand the reason people buy anything. Yeah. Why do you buy the things you do?

People buy food… to feed themselves.
People buy clothes… to have something to wear (unless they’re strippers, then anything goes)
People buy cleaning tools… to clean
People buy 8 inch drill bits… to make 8 inch holes.

This pattern is easy to understand. People… buy products… to gain a benefit. Something that is advantageous or good. People buy products to benefit from them. Women buy cosmetics and clothing to benefit from them by… looking good (or ridiculous).

Men buy steroids to get buff for hollywood roles that require them.
Kids buy toys because COLORS!

But more reasonable examples, people buy knives to cut stuff. People buy vegetable seeds to save money from having to shop at the groceries (and avoid Monsanto products). People buy Lawn Mowers to cut grass.

People… buy… things… to… benefit from them.

If you buy something that has no benefit to you, then you are simply wasting money.

So why buy anything regarding entertainment? Afterall, entertainment has no tangible benefit to you that makes your life more productive.

But that’s where you’d be wrong. People need entertainment. That old saying about dull johnny is much deeper than that. People can’t just work themselves to death, they need something to stimulate them and make them forget life’s bull, temporarily. Yeah, most people can make their own fun, but most people end up hurting themselves in the process.  So people buy entertainment for what? To have fun. Having fun is something that is plain necessary in our lives so that we don’t grow old feeling like angry bastards pissing in the wind about these young whipper snappers who got famous for bad singing over youtube.

Or being exploited over youtube.

So we have books, music, toys, television, movies, and video games to fulfill the benefit of having fun. Entertainment is supposed to give us joy. Laughter. Happiness of a sort. To give us a breather from the harshness of reality. The benefit of entertainment is stress relief. Make believe. And in some strange instances, inspiration.

So we get to the video games, the benefit of buying a video game is to eventually have fun. Or for parents to get their hyper active kids to shut the hell up while they pork on their anniversary.

This is a universal trait amongst anyone who buys a video game. No one just buys games to be “bros” or obtain a sign of status. When you talk about Call of Duty, people buy these games en masse because they provide the benefit of having fun. Being entertained is the ultimate goal.

So if you’re a game developer, publisher, w/e the hell you are or want to be, the ultimate goal that you must achieve is to create a game that delivers a benefit to the player, IE entertainment. Fun Factor. More than likely, you’ll just copy off Call of Duty anyway because it’s a money trail, but ultimately failing to understand why it sells gang busters… until now, that is. It produces entertainment. A benefit to everyone.

I’m gonna repeat that a million times. Entertainment value/Fun Factor is the benefit of your video game. Ultimately, and periodededededededededd. If your game is not built around entertainment value, it serves no benefit to the player.

Think back to the NES. The benefit of owning one was to have better games than the competition at a much cheaper price tag. But ultimately, better games = more entertainment value = more beneficial to you. So NES was a juggernaut. Then Sega Genesis had a… similar strategy though kinda more fucked up. It advertised having better games along with a better price than Super Nintendo. Over time, these morons started advertising hardware as being the main attraction, and then Nintendo started doing the same… with cheaper prices.

This is where gaming started to turn on it’s head. Games stopped being about benefits and started being more about features. A feature is simply what your game can do, while the benefit is what your game does for other people. Or for the mentally delayed, try the nice guy argument.

Nice guys have better personalities, dress nice, and have great smiles. But the thugs can “protect” the woman from people they have no business being near anyway. At least that’s their perception. Or think about every video game hero that gets laid and compare them to the animu main characters that piss everyone off for doing nothing… and getting laid anyway. Mario saves peach, she bakes cherry cakes. People want to be with people that can do something for them.

People want to buy games that can do something for them. Advertising hardware features or features of a game does nothing but alienate people. Because people don’t see a feature as some sort of benefit. Therefore, selling games on features rather than benefits has created the gaming atmosphere of the modern industry.

This is where we get to the dilemma of “innovation” or why it doesn’t sell. First off, take a gander at this video of Metroid Prime 3.

Look at all the pointless stuff you can do with Nintendo’s new innovative motion controller! Control Samus Aran in ways you never thought possible like… moving your arm around to press buttons! Twist and contort your arm to open doors! This totally makes the game more life-like!

If you thought that was rad, get a load of Skyward Sword’s unique usage of the motion plus upgrade that you’re totally required to have in order to do things you could do without it like… DOWSING! A feature so rad, we couldn’t just use the infared scope on the Wii mote! No, you… aim…with.. the GYRO…….THINGY… IN THE WIIMOTE!!

Seriously… they had a goddamn trailer for this crap.

Can anyone point to the benefit of these innovative features? What benefit is there to your enjoyment of the game? None. Because these features are not created with the intent of generating entertainment. They are done to demonstrate how “cool” the product is. And that is the fundamental flaw of innovative games. They provide no tangible benefit to you or anyone looking to have a fun time.

The “genius” behind Wii’s marketing wasn’t really showing people playing the Wii (which I assume was what everyone got from it), but demonstrating that people could benefit from the Wii. Take all those workout/weightloss commercials where you see people actively trying out these workout sets or routines and getting results. They’re demonstrating the benefit of these things to you.

“We’ll gaurantee that you’ll get rock hard abs and slim sexy waistline, or your money back!”

There’s a benefit for yah.

I raised this point about Pokemon earlier which… went ignored, but why would I buy a pokemon game for it’s pointless features like “Bases” or Pokemon contests? They provide no entertainment to me (or anyone else) as they are not fun distractions from the main game. Therefore, a majority of Pokemon’s features don’t benefit anyone outside of catching and training Pokemon.

People buy things to benefit them. Not just because they have features. Remember Me has a rhythm based combo system, but it serves no benefit to me as it is not fun. RE4 featured QTEs, but they provide no benefit as they’re definitely not fun. Blazblue has fighting characters based on gimmicks, but they provide no benefit as they make half the characters unplayable pieces of shit… there by making the game not fun.

I harp on this so many times because the same point stands firm as to why people buy games. When a developer decides to do something different for the sake of their own personal goals, there is the high risk of those goals not being of any benefit to the consumers. Their intent is not to benefit customers but to meet their own desires.

So when we look at the issue of the most “innovative company of all time”, Nintendo, we see first hand just why the PII U is in the jam it’s in. It is a console that was created with no intent of benefitting the customer. It is overpriced, it looks uncomfortable to play, the console has technical faults of having to rely on a crappy looking controller that you might not even use to play a game, only one can work with the console at a time, and extra Pii U controllers aren’t even available for purchase, so if your old one fucks up, you might have to buy an entirely new console. And why should you go through the hassle? Afterall, the Pii U has no games. Therefore, it is of no benefit to you. More hassle than there is entertainment? No deal.

The 360 is the most faulty piece of hardware out there, but people are willing to put up with bad customer service, RRODs, disc read errors, crappy D-Pads and more… to get entertainment value from the games they have. Because Minecrack is awesome.

Reading about Nintendo’s developers gives you the impression that they don’t care about their customer’s own entertainment. Therefore, they do not seek to benefit you in any way. And it shows with their games and hardware. That’s why they’re failing. You do not put out a product that has no purpose of benefiting people. Ever.

Innovation only sells when it does something for people. In gaming, it’s rare because innovation usually comes out of someone’s rectum… where their heads might be. The vision of someone who has no intent of appealing to anyone’s tastes. Psychonauts looks butt ugly. Beyond Good and Evil doesn’t have enough sex appeal (I guess). Wind Waker looks like child’s play. Wii Music sounds gay and un-fun. Pikmin fits the rule of uncool.

In Nintendo’s case, all they’ve really done was take what was already available and make them better. SMB is a better Pitfall. Pokemon is a better turn-based RPG. Mario Kart is a better racing game (I guess, F-Zero GX is way better). Zelda was a better computer RPG. All of Nintendo’s greatest hits are not innovative. They simply filled a void that was created by asshole game developers that had their own interests in mind. Now Nintendo has become the asshole developers, and the results speak for themselves. When developers seek to make games with no benefit to the customers, they usually fail.

And now, I await the failure of Sonic Boom and Bayonetta 2 especially.

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I’m sure I’m gonna be told that “i’m just too old for this shit”, but is it just me or is gaming not looking so hot these days?

We have 2 new consoles released with headlines cheering for frontloaded sales that mean nothing in the end. And what are the highlights of these 2 machines? Games you can readily get on your current consoles. Knack has very little appeal, a main character that is the personification of a literal giant puppet clusterfuck isn’t the hottest idea to throw around, even with tabloids going bonkers over it’s piddly UK sales beating Mario 3D World (no shit, it’s a Pii U game), and then you have the shooting games no one needs. Call of Duty Ghosts literally failed to maintain steam for the series despite it’s overwhelming fame and eternal scorn of the hardcore (and Resident Evil fans everywhere). Then you have the shitty Sonic game no one wanted. Did I not say it would go out with a whimper? Despite all of the FUCKING HYPE, Lost Mind’s buzz evaporated faster than Pikmin 3’s.

Super Smash Bros. 4 is generating no interest. And why should it? The most Nintendo has bothered to show are returning characters that no one likes aside from Sonic, 3 new characters that are all avatars, and a Mega Man guest appearance stamped with the words “Too little too late to the party”. Not to mention boring stages from crappy games (Skyloft, Bottle Ship, Mario Galazy levels, the fucking train from Spirit Tracks, animal crossing, and goddamn pilot wings).

Fighting games are all turning into animu combo fests, my precious Soul Calibur has been ruined beyond all reason, and I don’t know what the fuck Capcom was thinking when they made SF4 and SFxT. They don’t feel anything like appropriate fighters but some ass cheese that SNK could easily shit out with little effort. It’s that “Japanese quirkiness” bullshit that is destroying fighting games (Blazblue, Persona Arena, that Aquapazza gayest name ever with porno school girls)

That redhead is a goddamn hentai character.

The irony is that DOA is probably the most fun I’ve had with fighters of this generation, second only to MK9. It’s truly an awful feeling that even with the higher “technological  prowess” and bigger budgets that fighting games of today feel incredibly inferior to those of yester. Fighter’s History Dynamite eats SF4 for breakfast.

All Western and Japanese games look exactly the same. Gone are the days of the Genesis and SNES where walking into a Blockbuster meant finding so many games that looked and felt distinctive from each other, no you can actually SEE that there is nothing different from each and every game that’s out. All the HD titles have the “dark and grim” shooting/dark fantasy shit going on while everything that’s japanese has “moeblob” all over dat ass. All the while Sega makes faker food than McDonalds and Nintendo gets bomb threats in Japan for making constantly shitty platformers not named NSMB or Kirby. You’d think owning a BS3, I wouldn’t have to continue searching for anything worth while. But now I have to think of the FPS/Dark fantasy shit the same way I think of the Just Dance games on Wii. Piles of dung to dig through looking for worth while games. Or settle for the tried and true popamole god!

Capcom is about to go bankrupt. Who cares anymore? Nintendo might cancel Pii U nextyear (they won’t). Who cares? 2 voice actors (of Luigi and Tails) including one live actor (Luigi in the Mario cartoon) all died this month. A “winter of death” perhaps? Funny how this happens a year after Obama gets elected…….again.

This is the feeling of disinterest in gaming. After getting burnt several times by a constant stream of ass games, a feeling of consistent buyers remorse discourages me from even trying newer games. The most fun I’ve had with a BS3 are old BS2 collections like DMC, Zone of Enders and Ratchet and Clank. It’s easy to understand why people continue to demand backwards compatibility. If decade old fossils are more enjoyable than the newest games coming out, you know the industry is fucked.

Yep, the BS3 is truly the last console I will ever buy if gaming is going to look and feel exactly the same as it did this past generation. The best value console you can get is the classic game console series featuring Atari and Sega Genesis. They’re only $40 and them bitches come pre-packed with 76-80 mother fucking games. And you know what? That’s the best christmas gift you could buy your snot nosed kids this year. It’s economically sound, and you don’t have to buy anything else extra. Shiiit. Look at dat variety bitch! The Sonic games from an era when things made sense, Streets of Rage, SHADOW DANCER!? Shit, if I didn’t have emulation, I’d buy that myself!

Perhaps I should find a writer who’s batshit enough to own a BS4 to keep up to date with how much worse gaming has gotten.

Good thing I don’t have to jump around much!

I’m always astounded at the sometimes complex criteria that people use to define what genre a game belongs in. Zelda, because the RPG elements are toned down, people consider the Zelda series to be mere Adventure games because there’s no presence of of your strength being based on visible stats. Castlevania games that have you exploring an overworld are considered “Metroidvania” while games like Grand Theft Auto are called “Sandboxes” for Amma knows what reason. The controversy over determining if Smash Bros. is a fighting game still rages on, just much more quietly. Metroid Prime is fought being an FPS or an “FPA”. In general, defining a game’s genre gets tiring.

See, the problem with gamers over the internet is that they’re obsessed with trying to define things, and while that’s basic human nature, gamers take it to an entirely new level of insanity. To define something is to easily identify and judge the quality of that something within the basis of a category. When it comes to movies, for example. We define martial arts films based on the obvious presence of choreographed fight scenes. For Action movies, gun fights and explosions along with big gruffy hyper-masculine male leads. We define romances based on how much pandering it does to female fantasies.

But then it gets a little weird when you start seeing “Romance-Comedy” “Action-Comedy” “Comedy-Drama” and all that jazz. Mainly, it’s the definition of an existing genre by simply combining it with another. If it’s advertised as an action movie with large amounts of comedy or romance, or has a hero that is not a John Wayne trope, it just “cannot” fit within the normal criteria and must be judged on a different level. In gaming, it’s the same thing, only more obnoxious. Action-Platformer, Puzzle-Shooter, Action-Adventure, Action-RPG, you get the idea. The problem is, unlike movies, there are so many games out there that have gameplay styles that aren’t so easily defined. You have the “Action” genre which could range from a shit load of different games including FPS’s and shmups.

There’s no real problem for this because if you’re into a certain type of a game, knowing how to define that game and differentiate that from the rest will help you in determining your next purchase. The problem is there are debates and fights started over the need to define the genre of a game.

That said, how in the hell do you define a platformer?

Don’t look at me! I have no idea!

Check this piece out. Knack is labeled as a platformer, and there is mention of “platforming” where you need to jump to different heights just to defeat enemies. However, the emphasis of the game is clearly centered around killing enemies to progress, meaning the platforming is only a means to an end. Not the point of the game. And for a majority of platformers, this is always the case.

What? I thought the point of this game was bustin caps!

See, most gaming genres are defined around the game’s emphasis. First Person Shooters are obviously emphasizing shooting every mutha fucka on the screen. Fighting games…. fighting. Puzzle games solving puzzles. Adventure games based on exploration and solving mysteries. However, for platforming games, there’s very little emphasis on actual platforming and more so about action (combat or otherwise).

Kirby would be considered a platformer, but considering the pink bastard can fly, there’s…. no real platforming going on.

Praise Amma they’re still making normal Kirby games, though.

If you’ve played any 2D game that involved a pint-size hero running, jumping, shooting or melee attacking enemies, chances are they’re labeled platformers. But do you really have fond memories of “platforming” in these games? Unless they piss you off, of course not. Your fond memories come from the action and thrill of combat. Taking on bosses and waves of enemies while evading traps and death pits. You KNOW what you’re getting into when you play an FPS, and your memories of that game will be based on that’s game’s emphasis as well as the content.

My memories of this game would be dat smexy sci-fi atmosphere!

You wouldn’t call most modern FPS’s “mission-based games” because you have to complete a certain amount of missions per level. That’s only a means to an end. The main idea is still blasting enemies over and over again.

In most cases, only Mario can truly ever be considered a platformer (at least the old 2D games, not this 3D puzzle fetch mess). Hell, the Classic Mega Man games could get away with that label considering all the bullshit Inafune and the gang pulled with those dissappearing blocks and what not. But otherwise, the mere fact that platformer is so often attached to another genre (action especially) is showing how truly difficult it is to define platformers. For all we know, the label is probably misused for a majority of games simply because there’s lots of “jumping” on stuff. It’s kinda like saying Metroid games are platformers because there’s lots of jumping on stuff.

It gets more obnoxious when people put games like Sonic under that category considering the severely lacking emphasis on platforming in virtually every game. I think the Sonic series had cursed every other game that comes out since Sonic was created in part to compete with Mario, thereby being labeled as a platformer… and every other game that comes out (like Crash Bandicoot or Ratchet and Clank, Sly Cooper, Ape Escape, what may have you) are directly placed in the platformer category by default. If that review of Knack is anything to go by, the platformer label is probably forced onto games that really don’t focus on the platforming at all. It’s misleading to gamers on a grand scale because gamers are obsessed with defining games as accurately as possible. So labeling something as a platformer will have gamers judging the game possibly based on a means to an end rather than it’s actual emphasis.

If the emphasis of Knack is in it’s combat and not it’s platforming, but it’s put under the “platformer” category, then you’re gonna have some pretty pissed off gamers because of that obsession to define games. Simply calling it an action game would be “too broad” but more accurate in it’s material.

This, along with the RPG category should be renamed or have reworked criteria for judging. Perhaps “jumper” because there’s lots of “jumping”. 😛

Fuck you, I’m trying the best I can.

Say it isn’t so!

Funny how the one company that is the pioneer of KILLING video game consoles is suggesting that everyone who keeps harping on about the inevitable onslaught  of “mobile gaming derp” should shut the fuck up, cause the console is here to stay. Or maybe it’s to get on the hardcore’s good side.

The problem is with consoles that still cost an arm and leg, there really isn’t much life left. People are not going to be able to afford gaming for a pretty long time. I think I saw this on a random Sonic forum with some guy saying games will be exclusive to which white people in the future. And…shit, look at the times now. If you ain’t well off, that’s gonna be a tough reality to face. We don’t live in a world where several millions of people can afford $500 consoles. Never have, actually. Consoles that cost over 300 usually fail more often than not. I can’t recall anytime that the opposite ever happened.

Priorities are changing rapidly, and no one is going to want to spend anymore than they want on video games. And developers/publishers can get a little too damn greedy when it comes to games. The rampant DLC controversies over the last 7 years is a testament to that. How can they convince anyone to buy their overpriced games when many have to work 2 jobs merely to put food on their tables?

And the GTA5 feels like heavy-handed hype. This is the first time I’ve read news of a game selling in money and not copies. Everyone went around saying GTA5 sold 1 billion copies in mere weeks, but that was just their money margin. The actual copies sold is around 16 million, which is fucking amazing, don’t get me wrong, but pointing out GTA5 means dick to everyone else. Capcom is in terrible shape as of this moment (rightfully so, I might add), as well as Square. 38 Studio recently shut down, Atlus is acquired by Sega which only delays their death, the Free-to-Play model of business is coming under fire (rightfully so, I might add), digital game sales are at an all time low (every success seems frontloaded as it all comes crashing down eventually), Nintendo is in a bad position all around with the Pii U getting ass raped sideways, it’s all just coming down so rapidly. I’ve never imagined, despite all the E3 hypes, that gaming would be in such a state as it is now.

But…. we want to applaud mother fucking GTA5 for keeping consoles alive? Right, right. I’m all for optimism because I’m running out of franchises to enjoy fast. Every 3D fighter I’ve come to enjoy has fucked the pooch for all I know, marginally enjoying DOA5 for voyeurism and not the actual fighting, Sonic is dead to me and every real Sonic fan out there, Nintendo is literally raping Zelda and Pokemon for all it’s worth, there’s no Timesplitters 4, Yakuza 5 won’t be localized, every RPG and 2D fighter is an animu shit fest nowadays, Platformers are going the way of the dodo, and the most enjoyment I have found out of this generation…. were fucking retro collections of ancient PS2 games.

 

But for the sake of reality and sanity, there isn’t much life left for gaming on consoles because the economic environment has completely changed and game companies do not want to adapt to them for their own business health or consumer convenience, but would rather stick to their ideologies and DLC practices rather than thinking of how to offer money saving alternatives to the broke mother fuckers that out number the rich. And Microsoft is numero uno on that department just looking at their previous policies on Xbone. We had to give them HELL just to make them change it, and they make some “exclusive” Xbone for their employees in retaliation. Gotta love the maturity from the company.

Putting Computer-centric practices in the Arcade-centric environment has destroyed the foundation of the video game console. Sony and Microsoft have worked very hard and destroying this foundation all for the sake of money and competing against foreign (to gaming) companies in the departments of social media and mother fucking tv! Microsoft doesn’t give a fuck about games or game consoles, and everyone knows it. Those who don’t are the hardcore nut riders who demand the return of DRM policies that would kill gaming faster than Gabe Newell could with terrible controllers.

“Normal people aren’t like us”

If there’s proof that internet nerds don’t know their heads from their asses, this would be it. This guy “learns” that normal people (lovin the label) is vastly different from said internet fandom… by having a real job.

So you mean to tell me reviews don’t mean shit to people? How all consoles appear as gaming devices and nothing more to people? Not bloated “entertainment machines” to take over the living room!?

Everything here is common knowledge to me. I don’t know why he’s acting all surprised that there are people who’d rather just play a football game than say Final Fantasy or any other gay ass RPG from Japan.

If you are reading this, you are above the average game consumer.

Why do you feel the need to rub everyone’s dick? Everyone on the internet feels superior in every way to “normal people” to the point of not knowing a damn thing about them beyond stereotypes based around their inflated sense of unwarranted self-importance. Hell, one glance at the Sonic fandom could tell you all you needed to know about how fucked up the arrogance and simplicity of the internet nerd mindset is. Hell, “Sonic is for kids” is a mantra that removes all doubt that they know fuck all about kids.

I don’t know what purpose this article serves rather than to give nerds an (already inflated) ego boost. Instead of actually shunning “normal people”, all you have to do is interact with those that don’t get stuck on the computer all the fucking time debating about why “we MUST go digital even though we don’t want it.” I mean, this article is so pointless in it’s conce-

Oh, wait a sec….

These are the people who might only play a couple of games a year, and they just play what looks cool or what their friends are playing. They don’t think about the mechanics or the controls and compare it to another game and try to classify what they like about them.

You hear that, Nintards!? GAMEPLAY IS NOT THE SELLING POINT! Is that not the shit I’ve been spittin all this time!?

If there’s any benefit to this piece of shit, it spells it out in clear english that people play what looks cool and fun, not what innovates or has the best mechanics in the world. Is it any… fucking… wonder… why football kicks the fat sweaty ass out of Pikmin 3!? They don’t even notice the gameplay, they’re just having a good ass time!

Thank you, random internet nerd, for confirming the Nintard’s greatest denial. That gameplay means jack shit to… “normal people”. Now, I await karmic destruction of the X’er’s greatest denial when Lost Mind bombs next month too.

We are the weird ones for reading reviews and talking about review scores. The public just buys games based on the series’ clout or the cool commercial they saw for it. Marketing departments know this, and that’s why we keep getting endless sequels, billboards, and commercials during the Super Bowl.

Translation: Fuck Metacritic.

I still love how people think high scores on Metacritic equates to a game being a “success”. I harp on about Okami so much because it is the most relevant example of gamer nerd arrogance and vanity. They can’t seem to admit that it has no appeal to anyone except them.

This begs the question of why Sega keeps removing Sonic games with bad review scores. I mean, Sonic 06 is the worst Sonic game known to mankind….. that made platinum hits bitch. Someone’s lovin them some Silver the Hedgehog! Who the hell would look at a game like Sonic Colors and think (based on the title) that this would be a “cool” game?! I feel sorry for the kids who got that game as a christmas present and had their peers in school laugh at them and taunt them about how awesome MK9 was in comparison.

What we don’t have is a way for the public at large to know things like the fact that the Wii U is a new console with all-new games. That you can buy digital games not available in stores, or you should read a few reviews before spending your hard-earned money. That you can buy games significantly cheaper a few months after they come out.

Come again!? You mean…. people don’t usually buy games at cheaper prices!? That means…. used games AREN’T DOING ANY HARM!!! Where’s that cry baby bitch ass David Cage, he needs to read this shit in plain English. Heavy Rain didn’t sell not because people found a cheaper means…. but because it’s ass and people don’t wanna waste money on it!!

I take that back, this article is awesome! If bitches won’t take it from me, they can have a white boy confirm it for ’em! Spread this mother fucker around the nets. I wish to taste nerd tears.

The baddest mother fucker ever made.

Joe Musashi. The Original Shinobi. Most of ya’ll probably too young to recognize a real nigga. Wit all yo punk ass Call of Duties and Rock Bands and that pussy ass Kratos. While ya’ll were jackin off to lining up gun shots and reload animations, back in the day, I was playin Ninjas. Let me tell ya’ll young mother fuckers about Mr. whip yo ass Musashi. He could kill Ryu Hayabusa with one Kunai. Fuck his “jutsu” magic bullshit, he would make the Dragon Ninja his bitch. Along with dat punk ass Strider Hiryu, some bitch-made Ninja who depends on machines to beat his opponents down. Strider sucks 12 copious amounts of asses. Oh, what? What? You wanna bring up Rikimaru!? You think he knows bad? He’s a goddamn choir boy compared to the original Oboro Ninja Master. You don’t fuck with a Mofo who’s killed Rambo, Hulk/Terminator, Spiderman, Batman, and mother fucking Godzilla all in one game. He was dubbed the “Super Shinobi” for a reason.

That said, I decided to play Shadow Dancer for the Arcade over the weekend. And believe me, this game will rape you to crumbs! It’s a quarter vacuum, you’ll need to pull out your damn college funds to complete this bitch. It’s probably the single most relentless beast of an arcade that shits all over the “difficulty” of Contra.

Playing through all four “worlds”, it’s easy to see why people prefer the genesis version. While drastically different, the game has a lesser chance of giving you an aneurysm, along with having better control over your dog Yamato, and better hit detection. But the most important aspect that makes GENESIS Dancer superior over ARCADE Dancer? It’s real simple. It’s no secret as the sub title would like to imply.

Ready?

Are you sure?

*clears throat*

It’s…..

fucking………

EASIER!

Yes, we all love this bitch because it’s much easier to go through than a good majority of Shinobi titles in the series. Hell, Shinobi 3 is easier than the rest of the post PS2 games, and is considered the best game in the series (having better moves also was a factor, that and IDATEN!).

Infact, Mega Man 2 is the “easiest” of the Classic Mega Man games, and it’s the main crowd pleaser. More people love the X games.

Soul Calibur isn’t a hard game to learn and neither is Tekken.

Simple, my audience of 3. See, the Hardcore gamer branch (and developers) have a very popular misconception of old games that came out before the rise of 3D Computer gaming. That all of these games were cock-smashingly difficult. Now, I find this funny because I don’t recall anyone talking about how hard these games were. Many of us didn’t even think about a game’s difficulty, we were too busy having fun gettin our asses beat. No one remembers things about “difficulty” or “challenge factor” except the hardcore and the developers. Else all the retro throwbacks wouldn’t try so hard to be so hard. I mean, why would Keiji Inafune associate Mega Man 2’s roots with level design that was NEVER present in Mega Man 2? Not in terms of gimmicks, but in terms of sheer difficulty? He completely misunderstood why people enjoyed Mega Man 2 because it was NEVER that damn hard!

See, people always talk about wanting a “challenging” game. But everyone starts going around acting like smart asses when people are given said “challenging” game and they turn out hating it. Hardcore gamers call out for hypocrisy for the lulz but fail to realize the aspects of the game in which said difficulty becomes a turn off.

For one, take Revenge of Shinobi’s first level and compare it to Shinobi III’s first level.

He makes this look easy, but this level requires memorization and many times of practice to make it look this good. Take note of the samurai enemies. These things can block your attacks and only expose themselves when you get up-close. You have about a small window of opportunity to get in a hit. Then rinse and repeat. To be honest, they’re pussies in comparison to the final boss of Shadow Dancer Arcade (basically the same strategy but a more unpredictable attack pattern and wtf I hate this boss)

Easy as hell, and makes one feel like a bad ass. I like that trick where he blows through the samurai’s waves with not a single fuck given.

The differences are clear. While many will give Revenge of Shinobi cred for being a “great game”, no one would even think about putting it over Shinobi 3. You’re better off trying to explain to Nintards the fallacies of making a Pikmin 3 when nobody wants it.

Those new to Shinobi will immediately turn off their emulators in disgust of ROS’s very first level. You’re not at all used to or comfortable with the controls yet and you’re immediately thrown into a wolf pit filled with faster enemies and drones who can defend against your attacks and counter you if you get too close.

On the other hand, Shinobi 3 has nothing more than sacks of meat you can waste without even thinking about it, making you feel confident. Shinobi 3 is more inviting than Revenge. Revenge is frustrating. Shinobi 3 is challenging.

A “Challenging” game allows the player to feel confident enough that they can overcome tougher obstacles without feeling “cheated”. A “Frustrating” game takes food away from a starving player and rewards it’s own design for a job well done at showing the player that he isn’t “man enough” to roll with the wolf pack.

We can chalk up the least memorable games of the late 80’s/early 90’s to bad design in general, or still designing console games with the intent of bleeding quarters out of players, but believe me when I say that when it comes right down to it, Sonic games will always be fondly remembered than games like Castlevania or even Ninja Gaiden. Infact, Ninja Gaiden’s popularity waned faster than Resident Evil’s in this era. Resident Evil still has people anticipating newer installments (at least until we got Op. Raccoon City and RE6’s first trailer). As RE kept getting easier and easier, more players were getting into the series than were for Ninja Gaiden. Let it be known that when a game’s most notable aspect is it’s sheer difficulty, it’s going to turn a good sizable portion of players off.

There’s nothing good about frustrating games than to serve as a lesson of terrible game design. Unfortunately, many developers believe the most significant thing about old games was the frustration you get from them. Of course, that’s only natural. Developers today come from the Computer centric branch of gamers. Computer games aren’t very challenging in comparison to to Arcade games. Those who worship computer games are bound to find Arcade and Console games of old to be pretty fuckin hard.

You want to go through Hyrule, be a tough and bad ass hero? Well get with the times cause you are nothing but a Zero!

He’s so shitty, he couldn’t eat an Octorok!

Many Retro throwbacks or “Arcade” genre games of today are unusually difficult at times, be it scripted events or having to perform multiple tasks in a milisecond to get over a certain hurdle, as though the DIFFICULTY of a game is supposed to make the hardcore feel nostalgic about DYING multiple times, it is a sick obsession with frustration that has made the “retro” fads of the last generation die out so fast. Nowadays, we think a “retro” game has to be like taking a bloody shit where at the end, you cry loudly in despair as if that’s supposed to be superb game design because it allows the “few” who can get passed it all ti feel supreme to all others who could not.

A frustrating game is an “exclusionary” game. A “challenging” game like Ninja Gaiden 3 (NES) is inclusive as it invites the player with the intent of rewarding the players with the rest of it’s content, not having the intent of making the player feel miserable and hopeless through only 1% of it’s content. It’s like going to a party where taking one step inside gets you a free bucket load of cow dung dumped on top of you, everyone laughs maniacally while you are dared to just go in, smelling like ass, and mingle despite the fact. You’re uncomfortable, and no one wants to be near you. Infact, they vomit at the mere thought of you and desire nothing more than to kick your ass if you get too close. Bonus points if that chick you wanted to bang is also at the party and is repulsed by your asshole appearance.

Hardcore gamers believe this to a fault. Check out some of their rom hacks of Mega Man 2 (especially the Bass Hack where in Metal Man’s stage, you are required to make tricky jumps as soon as you enter the damn room). Going a step further, rom hacks with more “difficulty” are basically the hardcore twats trying to show off how good their level design is by making it extremely difficult to go through. But the main reason with this thought process is the same reason they want to destroy the dreaded “casuals”, which is ironic as the casuals are the main people who could handle a challenging game no matter the format. The hardcore take “challenging” to extreme levels, trying to raise the bar as high as possible so that the “casuals” wouldn’t be able to reach it.

One of the main reasons anyone played a console game was to see what the later levels looked like. There was a strong, natural desire to progress through the game. Many players were invited into the game via the ease of the first few levels. But after that, they had to earn the right to the rest of the game’s levels via skill. Art of Fighting 2 is one such example. You would be lucky to kick the first fighter’s ass before moving on. Kenseiden for the Master System, grab some ice packs cause you’re gonna be hotter than a four-alarm fire after playing that for a while. Break out the blood pressure meds for DKCR, Path of Radiance, Castle of Shikigami 3, and the like. All of these, plus more, are games that discourage one’s desire to progress and see the rest of the game’s content out of a sick obsession with “challenging the player”. When your goal is to challenge the player, you’re actually planning on making the game as tedious and as infuriating as possible. It seems that’s everyone’s intent when it comes to “Retro throwbacks”. Retro shouldn’t = frustrating. Mega Man games can be frustrating, but Capcom was smart enough to let you select which levels to go through before experiencing how little you will achieve. It’s little things like that which can salvage an already badly designed game. After all, if you’re gonna piss off your audience, you might as well give them everything besides the final levels.

Unfortunately, when devs (aside from Nintendo and Sega) set out to make retro throwbacks, their minds switch to “sadist” mode in some misguided effort to completely alienate their audience and “show them how hard games were back then”. Why not just make a challenging modern day game without cheap shit to make it difficult beyond all reason? Konami seemed to have taken those hints with their last few “retro throwbacks”

In the end though, no one seems to know a damn thing about “balance” anymore.

Nintendo informs Wii owners that Wii U is a new console roughly 6 months after launch.

It’s not just an upgrade“.

Gotta love the message title too. “It’s TIME to discover Wii U”. They’re basically saying “you’ve got your buggy ass copies of Pandora’s Tower already, now throw your piece of shit Wii into the trash and BUY OUR GODDAMN CONSOLE!”

This comes in a week after Iwata basically says the Wii U is selling poorly. The mere fact that they have to resort to this just shows they are truly hurting. But here’s some gold from Iwata.

Iwata blames this lack of first-party consistency for the system having “lost momentum,” but promised investors Pikmin 3 in July will see the company’s lineup reignite.

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There you have it Nintards. Proof positive the Wii U is shit. You can stop living in denial and hiding behind your 3DS’s. I don’t think even Pokemon XY can save them from Iwata’s stupidity.

Suddenly, those Olympics games make sense now. In the case that Nintendo flatlines with their hardware sector, they want to avoid the onslaught of Sega fanboys flooding their Nintard lairs with:

I mean Sonic fans are a lost cause as they’re so in love with Nintendo, they’re probably all mistified with the Olympic games believing they are some “peaceful harmony”. I mean with the threat of Microsoft set to destroy the very fabric of video games forever, they need an alliance. But Nintendo is so stupid lately. Have they thought that maybe Wii owners (me included) don’t want to buy a Wii U, especially at them j**ish prices!?

XY had better be the shit at this point seeing as Nintendo destroyed NSMB series.

Note! This post attacks capitalism. If you are a nut riding nationalistic bastard that supports the “AMERICAN WAY!”, then leave now.

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It’s time to come clean. I am a prude.

Oh Nyame

I say this because there is a japanese-only game on the 3DS titled “Senran Kagura”. Its’ about underaged, overly developed girls in middle/high school who all dream of being the best ninjas ever. The game features half-naked transformation sequences, indiscriminately designed d-cups, panty shots, sexually suggestive scenes (Ikaruga for one looks like she’s humping something in a night gown), several groping scenes, and pointless beach episodes…..while sporting generic hack & slash gameplay.

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Ironic how a game like that winds up on a Nintendo device, though it’s not the first. What is mind blowing is just how many games (and cartoons) are like this in Japan. It’s gotten to the point of stigmatization. Video games and cartoons are for perverts now. Is it any wonder why the Japanese berate and ostracize the Otaku? Especially at those jewish prices!?

Funny enough, the games industry itself is facing the same problems. Games are more expensive, but offer very little in the way of value and fun factor. Except maybe for the Ameritaku on the internet who find everything fun for some reason, but never the less, the majority of the world becomes alienated once more. Video games have become cheap thrills. Mere shadows of their former selves.  An intoxicating drug that we just buy over and over again to feel “high”. Especially when drugs are cheaper. Video games used to be just forms of entertainment. But now they’ve been reduced to a relief from the strife of reality, like cocaine you would kill for.

Which begs the question of how we got to this point. Why have video games become so stale and devoid of life? Why have they been reduced to trite pornography that people watch through once, get bored, and then forget it ever existed all after the fact? Why are people expected to pay more money just to get the full value of their product? It’s like $60 for a fucking demo!

There are many factors in which the industry has gone downhill.

1. Happy beginnings

2. Capitalist greed

3. Destruction

4. Savior from Italy

5. Iron Fist of licensing agreements

6. Console Wars and betrayals

7. Sony’s disruption of quality

8. Erosion of principals in design

9. 3rd parties in their arrogance

10. economic blindness

11. desperation.

This is a shitty timeline I made to try and chronicle just how in the hell we got on this track of destruction. Now, my explanation is going to be just as horrid, but bear with me on this. If we go into the history of any kind of entertainment industry, it usually gets to a point where you see a massive decline in popularity when capitalistic greed unleashes it’s parasitic tentacles. We saw this in Newspapers, we’re seeing it in music, tv, and movies. And hell, we see it even better in video games because no one can truly manipulate the video game market as easily as they can movies and music. Greed and arrogance are the main factors of why empires and businesses eventually collapse under it’s own weight.

1. Happy Beginnings.

Ah, the days of the arcades. While video games started back in the late 40s, the early 70s are when they truly kicked off. And that’s how anything starts off, really. Everything is nice and bubbly, nothing goes wrong. And Pong was considered the shit! Hell, everyone loved Pong back in the seventies. It was the first game with commercial success as well, pissing off the pretentious college bitch boys who were nerdy for Galaxy Game or some Space War title. So arcade gaming was considered ol’ fashioned good times.

Then you have the Magnavox Odyssey.

Consoles were being made with the intent of bringing the arcade experience to the living room (I think). The Odyssey sold at least 2 million units which, back in the 70s, seems pretty good for the first console ever made.

Around the same time we were getting consoles and arcades, there were college boys making their own games in their spare time using basic PC’s. In college, RPG’s were being made like Teleguard and Zork. Most of these games were never heard of because the students never told anyone about them (why would you want to be caught using school technology for anything other than school work anyway?). According to bloggers like Malstrom, most of these students were obsessed with games like Space War and Zork, and all the developed computer games. The thing was people were more into Pong, leaving the college boys weeping for why no one “appreciates” the almighty PC (I guess this is where the PC elitists spawned from)

2. Capitalist Greed and Destruction

Due to the uniqueness of the console and the success of Pong, Capitalism decided to rear it’s ugly head. By the end of the 70s, Atari and Magnavox were the 2 main bastards gunning for money. But see, the developers for the consoles were thinking of copying the successes of games like Pong and Pac Man. What resulted were… shitty games. I’m sure everyone knows about the video game crash resulting from Atari and Magnavox selling consoles at a lose (I still don’t know how that works. If anyone can enlighten me, I’d be happy to hear.) and having a load of customers pissed off at the games coming out. So what occured was a dying breed of video games and BLAH BLAH, yeah I know you know. The industry flew right into a CRASH!

This mostly occurred with the advent of publishing houses for video games (such as friggin EA. That’s right niggas, they’ve been fucking up people’s money since the golden age of gaming!) Some sources say that these publishing houses actually cheated devs out of their money. Capitalism don’t discriminate. On the other hand, Computer games had low publishing costs, which I guess made Trip Hawkins nut ride the fuck out of the PC.

3. Savior from Italy.

Then Nintendo came with monkeys and plumbers, saved the industry, made the Nintendo console where developers began to flock to. Hawkins was tripping balls.

Truth be known, Taito is the real hero as Space Invaders actually sparked a new interest in gaming back in 1978. At least… everywhere except Amerikkka. So Taito was a hero everywhere BUT in Amerikkka. See, NA is always late to the party when it comes to advancing in any way that is beneficial or significant to us. We had to wait until the early 80s to have Nintendo save our asses. But considering that game developers were hounded by publishers before, they flocked to Nintendo’s new haven for a chance at the big time.

So there were essentially 2 different video game crashes. The American one getting hit much worse than in 77

4. Tekken of licensing agreements

Then they all went “Aw shit!” See, Nintendo wasn’t so eager to have these “filthy heathens” just put shit up on their console. 2 things might’ve occured in Nintendo’s thought process.

1. They were power hungry.

2. Probably in response to the crash, they wanted to prevent games from flooding the console, decreasing in value as more were released (devaluation). So Nintendo took measures to prevent that.

We all KNOW about Nintendo’s licensing practices. And looking at how things are going now, Nintendo probably had the right idea considering that consoles now are flooded with PURE SHIT! Why is it that the majority of gamers can go back and play older games for far longer than they do with games today? Even though developers could crank them out much faster and at a much cheaper pace?

Well who cares. See, these licensing agreements pissed off EVERYONE. Well, mostly the american developers because it limited their power. And by their nature, Europeans (and their American counterparts) do not like being limited in what they can do in any industry. So obviously, Nintendo has made some grave enemies for the future.

5. Console wars and Betrayels.

So when we got Sega into the market, you wouldn’t believe how many developers wanted to jump ship from Nintendo. Only to find out Sega had the same mentality. Then they went “AWW FUCKING HELL!” So at first, developers decided to wait it out with Sega, then some jumped right back to Nintendo. Notably Capcom and Konami in regards to Street Fighter and the Castlevania games.

We also had the Neo Geo, but the high prices of games gave everybody a heart attack.

Now all of this went on while the licensing practices were still in effect, so even the games from the 16bit and 32bit era proved to be more enjoyable than most games in the future.

Now with Mortal Kombat, this game actually affected Nintendo and video gaming on a much bigger scale than how most people would think. See, the reason why Nintendo is mainly considered “kiddy” was because they censored MK1 for the SNES. The Genesis version actually SOLD MORE because the gore was preserved. Nintendo still didn’t want mature content on their system, but capitalism defeated Nintendo. So the industry’s thinking pattern started to shift back to “well why can’t we make more of these mature games!?”. Because of the controversy and success of Mortal Kombat, game developers started to think of the money and began making more gory games. But due to the controversy, they had to make them less sigificant… but just there. From this point on, developers would stop catering to the whole family, and start catering to teenagers. This has yet to end. Even then, developers did not go out of control with this gore craze…. until Sony entered the market.

Now all you crackas just cream yourselves at night at the thought of villifying Nintendo after their “tyrannical and deceptive” treatment of Sony when it was known that Sony was going to hep create a CD based Nintendo console. Problem was Sony wanted to have full rights/profits from all games developed. Nintendo wasn’t about to have that, so they told them… nothing. They just left and started a deal with Phillips. Sony gets pissed off and decides to use Nintendo’s ideas against them. What emerged was the rot of gaming.

6. Sony’s disruption of quality and an erosion of design principals.

See, Sony offered developers something that neither Nintendo or Sega gave them. Actual freedom in what games to develop. And American developers haven’t had this much freedom since the late 70s and early 80s. So while the PS1 wasn’t out of control with the recent gore craze, most of the popular titles that came out were Resident Evil, Final Fantasy, Tekken, a huge wad of titles came out with mature themes that adults now cream themselves over. Nintendo themselves allowed devs to get in on that action with Killer instinct, Shadowman, Turok, and Goldeneye 64. These games were the heavy sellers of their systems (most of the time, at least), mainly because the taboo’s set by Mortal Kombat were no longer a problem (thank you ESRB). But something else occured.

With the advent of 3D graphics, developers became less intuned with making cohesive and workable video games… and decided to explore… “possibilities”. IE every new installment or new game that came out became an experiment to make games more realistic. Physics became more realistic, you could now fall from a high place and take damage or die (yes, I know there were games like that before the 64bit era, don’t come here trying to be a smart ass), inventory management became more prevalent (Resident Evil), and combat became more about defense and pacing rather than tapping B to stab enemies a million times. That and more games became about over-exaggerated adventure elements. Apparently, every developer’s idea of an adventure is making the players go on several thousand goddamn FETCH QUESTS! So what occurred during this period was where developers stopped giving a damn about quality and started going for mature content or “innovashun” that did nothing for video games and started the wave of teenage gaming. More complex controls, realism, and a desire for games to look like fucking art. And given that Sony would not restrain the developer’s power anymore, developers were like a caged beast being unleashed.

7. 3rd party arrogance.

Now, given Sony’s “freedom to developers” battlecry, developers gave the PSX some of the most memorable (I guess) games ever to come out, and made the Playstation brand a household name. Now, during the next generation where the Xbox and Gamecube came out, many 3rd party developers decided to skip out on Nintendo completely and gave the best games to Sony or Microsoft. Lets be real. Nintendo was ass raped this generation with the Gamecube. In sells, in game quality, and in 3rd Party trust. You know you’re fucked when the same company (Capcom) keeps withdrawing on their exclusivity deals for more money. Since gaming was still catered to teenagers, and this era saw the rising popularity of anime and RPGs, teenagers (as stupid as they are) went clinically insane and proclaimed “games as art” while also suggesting that “a console needs the best 3rd party developers to be in full support in order for a game console to be a success”. This was in response to Sega and Nintendo’s asswhippins during the Dreamcast and Gamecube runs. Unfortunately, this gave game designers a big head.

It was true in a sense considering that Sony and Microsoft’s success came almost directly from second hand development. They figured that they could just phase out any competitor they saw fit and use that as a footnote for terrorism in order to strong arm console developers to cater to their demands. Hell, there’s got to be some reason Sony patented tech to block out used games (but apparently decided not to use them for PS4).

So with this concept of 3rd parties being the determining factor behind a console’s success, it’s abnormal how they all got a mean taste in their mouths with the advent of the Nintendo Wii… for a little while. 3rd parties were going insane from all of their losses. They made incredibly bad decisions that led to many of them losing profits and closing down their doors. The problem with this is that developers allowed the teenagers to dictate that they are gods. But it’s amazing how soon gods can bleed…. in profits.

So with the Wii giving back what was lost from the 8 and 16bit era, the HD devs decided to go back to capitalist strategies by nickle and diming you for every $60 game you purchased by taking advantage of the teenager’s blind and professed love of Downloadable Content. The idea of buying a game that gets an update without your input, essentially giving you a “pseudosequel” every month or so, was so appealing and pervasive, developers (still catering to teenagers) decided to exploit this new and ignorant love of a game feature. It got so bad that people started protesting companies for this. And developers were still losing money. But they continued this practice, mainly due to…

8. economic blindness and desperation.

Lets face it. Sony’s $600 price tag fucked them. Microsoft’s poor design of the 360 (RROD) fucked them. Clearly, with an economy that is terrible, the cheaper price tag always wins. And given the value that most Wii games had over the bloated HD titles that didn’t feel like games at all, it was clear that developers themselves were losing big. But even with all the doom signs around them, they were still arrogant to the point that they deliberately refused to asses their problems. They still wanted to go the hollywood route and use high budgets for games that they couldn’t reasonably get a profitable return on, and continued to hound Nintendo to go the HD route. 1 thing was clear. Developers were starting to become selfish bastards. And the crash attributes that led to said crash were coming back in full force. Games are rushed, carbon copies of the most popular “teenage fad” at the time. Why is it now that gamers think every game is an FPS? That needs no answer. It’s clear that developers are starving for money. Why? When the economy is going into freefall, developers have to think about how to appeal to people who could hardly afford this shit. And that honestly starts by lowering the god damn prices! And a lot of gamers, for some fucked up reason, probably out of extreme high-class arrogance, proclaim that games shouldn’t be cheap because developers have to make money. Put it on Wii!? Naw, fuck the Wii! That’s casual bullshit!

It was clear that 3rd parties and “high-class” teenagers combined were destroying video games. You can see this with the rising costs of development due to HD technologies.

There’s something wrong here. Games were cheaper to develop for back in the 16bit era than they were in the 8bit era because parts used to make the games weren’t so expensive . They were harder to make, but cheaper essentially. And they got even cheaper using the CD format. The more technology progressed, the cheaper games got to produce. How in the green hell does it now take up to untold fucking millions to make 1 goddamn game!?

Deliberate devaluation of the currency! And you know what? The developers themselves…. they aren’t honestly economically blind. Play the new DMC game out, yes the one with the white-trash looking Dante. That game alone says how much developers honestly know how fucked up our economy is. And they still go out and make expensive visual experiences! But people wanted Wii games! Developers did what they wanted anyway! Because they stopped giving a shit. The moment you stop buying their shit is the moment they declare you the enemy. That is how capitalism works. When game developers like Iwata start suggesting that people don’t understand the value of the Wii U (none of which justifies the high price tag), he has declared the consumers as enemies. This speaks volumes of why developers do not change their courses of actions. See, Sony gave them too much freedom, and they became corrupt. Out of that corruption comes arrogance that their way is the right way, and nothing else can work.

This is the heart of why the industry is in decline. Capitalistic arrogance. Developers tried to exploit teenagers and failed. Now, because their grand master plans have failed, they dehumanize consumers of all age ranges of not “getting it”. When any manufacturer starts suggesting that their buyers don’t have a fucking clue of what they want or what they’re talking about to do damage control on their criticisms, then that manufacturer is going to close house. Because if you are not going to re-asses your customer complaints and treat them like shit, they will sooner or later detect this and stop coming to you. That means you’ve burned the bridge to your source of income, and eventually, you die. You can try to exploit teenagers all you want. Most future generations probably won’t even bother with a video game as most of the gaming market right now is in their 30s! The fuck are you trying to target teenagers for!? Because they’re stupid!? Of course!

Either way, seeing all the signs around us, it’s funny that people are still hyped up for the PS4. Even Malstrom is hinting at it’s success.

I remember reading a long time ago, the blog has unfortunately been deleted, I forgot the name of it, but w/e. This one guy had said something about Zelda: Twilight Princess being the crux of why video games are shit, and why he will never touch another video game ever again. Because to him, it felt like video games were trying… to make you into a machine. Initially, I never understood what he meant until I had played Donkey Kong Country Returns and even more Zelda games, and even the newer Metroids. To make… a man into a machine means you turn off a person’s ability to think. And instead… you turn a man into something you program.

Over the years, we’ve seen how humans go into life. It’s all just a program now. We all go through the motions. No one thinks anymore. No one possesses the ability to redefine shit anymore. We’re all simple minded. We need someone to tell us exactly how to do things in life, because we’ve got this mentality that… only one damn way works. Any other way is automatically wrong. Western Society (and probably Japanese society as well) is a linear thinking realm. It’s gotten so bad that we can’t function without being told what the correct process is of going about a damn thing. Women need to read a book on the process of dating a man the “correct” way!

We are animals that can’t… function without being told what to do. Because we’ve been led to believe that there is only one way to go about life. You heard all the bullshit about “you can be anything you want regardless of bloodline or education, as long as you have that ambition”, and then you come to find out you can’t be anything without the validation of education to prove you have ambition. So ultimately college (or the military) is your only option after high school. And even then, these crackas still won’t hire you if they’re broke and paranoid about losing money. If you don’t go to college, then Ra help you in deciding where to go next, because by then, your mind is so fucked up on this linear thinking, you don’t any other option besides military or school. Or a simple job that won’t do you any good in the future but to just be able to feed your family. So what happens is you go into a perpetual state of aimlessness. You don’t know where to go, you don’t know what to do.  Because you’ve been taught to go through the motions instead of using yo damn brain.

This is why video games were a “great escape” from the motions. See, you hear a lot of people talk about old mother fuckers always saying “well back in my day, video games were damned good”. Just like the guy talking about Twilight Princess. He had the same thought process. Now, lets see here. We go and find that Americans ain’t happy. Why would that be the case? You have an imperialistic nation, stolen resources, a cock-smashingly powerful military, and a culture of people who can go out and buy shit for half the prices people pay in other countries. Americans got everything. Yet, no one is happy. We all assume it’s because of the consumerist culture which tells us to put material things over human interaction. That’s part of it, but I have a theory. This linear thinking doesn’t allow people to go outside of the motions! We either have one way or nothing. You remember back in school how you got math problems where you have a multitude of ways to come to the same solution? And you know how the teacher says “show your work”? What work do you have to show them? Not the slick shit you done did. Naw, you have to go through the motions just to get full credit! You all may not have had to go through the bullshit I did, but I didn’t even get full 100% on my damn assignments because I didn’t do the problems the right way!

“But I got the right answer!”

“Damn the right answer, my method is more important than your shit”

Creative and innovative mindsets are not allowed in western society. Mainly cause if it was, you’d start thinking about why homosexuality is rampant in the media today. Then they got damn gay marriage shit passed, so soon enough we’re gonna be encouraging people to be faggots. I don’t give a rats ass, 2/5ths of a fuck what you say! That shit ain’t natural!

So back to the video games, video games break you out of those motions and allow you to tackle problems and obstacles in ways that you have full control over. You know Mega Man, right? Why do people love Mega Man? All the different methods and ways of ass whippin you have at your disposal! How do I kill cut man? Shoot him! Or get a brick and knock the HELL out of that bastard. All of the classic games can give you these methods of kicking ass and tackling obstacles, and you can go about them in any damn way you please.

Today’s games!? The majority of them, you’ll be lucky if you can escape needing to press a damn button at the right time, or kill a boss that requires you to do the same pattern multiple times.

Worst… goddamn offender of the entire cosmos.

What if I don’t want to do all this shit?

What’s been happening is that, because european devils have imposed their culture on the whole damn globe, video games are moving away from being a thinking man’s game… to a processing game. Because the population of the world have been trained… to think in a linear state of mind. So linearity requires a person to go about shit in a process. This is why people cannot think well anymore. We don’t have an open mind. It’s been locked down to only process. Or to put it like this maggot food put it

“They want a people who’s smart enough to operate the machines and a people who’s dumb enough to keep on doing it without sitting around the table and discussing how badly they’re getting fucked in their everyday lives”.

In a linear society, people cannot be in control of their own damn lives. They go through a system as a process. And that is why people are unhappy. And dammit, people are unhappy with video games as well. Otherwise, so many video game studios wouldn’t be closing down (LOL Junction Point).

We need video games that make yo ass think! That’s why no one likes video games anymore! They don’t give your brains an erection!

What do I mean by thinking and Processing? Well, I probably already described it, but for those that are slow and can’t seem to understand, lets break it down.

Video games are becoming a hobby of processing! What is a process? A systematic series/sequence of actions  directed to some end. The end being the desired result of the process. Sequence being the ordered list of events. The events, in relation to video games, is a happening or a performance.

When you are in a performance, you are literally going through the motions. You have to practice this one motion over and over and over until you get it just right. So that you can perform and put on a show. So with that, the process is just a performance that you just have to do. It’s a one way streak in which you are expected to perform on a certain level. What does this remind me of?

This bull shit!

All that game is about… is process. You go through one event after the other! This series began as the foundation of freedom to explore! Metroid 1 was a game that gave you total freedom in how you complete the game! After about 25 years, THIS SHIT IS WHAT YOU HAVE TO OFFER NOW!? I wouldn’t even piss on Sakamoto if he was on fire to save his life. You can count that “scripted nonsense” of Donkey Kong Country Returns as well, especially those goddamn rail carts and barrel stages.

As it turns out, several video games that are developed today all have the intent of making you go through a process. And most of the time, it’s just the developers wanting you to experience their own damn vision and creativity! They couldn’t give a fuck about what you want! I’m sure everyone is tired of those goddamn quick time events by now! Every developer in existence co-opted that bullshit to the point of absurdity! You can’t escape.

What about thinking? It’s to employ one’s mind rationally and objectively in evaluating or dealing with a given situation.

You see, rationality and objectivity are 2 essential mother fucking elements that hardcore gamers, and especially nintards, are entirely deficient in! They all have a linear process that denies objectivity and rationality! The capacity for logical, rational, and analytic thought have been completely removed in favor of animalistic gluttony! This is why the hardcore gamers go out and buy a million games they do not plan on playing more than once. Blockbuster was a wonderful thing back in the day because of this fact. There is no logical reason to buy games that will eventually be shelved or traded in for credit for another game that will meet the same damn fate.

Thinking. It’s your ability to reason. To make a cognitive judgment of situations. You assess a situation or obstacle in a game and decide the best way to go about that shit. You experiment with different options and methods in tackling obstacles. EXPERIMENTATION IS SCIENCE! Science allowed for breakthroughs in a whole lotta shit you see! That comes from THINKING! If you have a society of people that is programmed to do process and not think, there are no advancements in anything! You lack the deductive reasoning necessary to solve problems! This is why you see Satoru Iwata on that damn business briefing going on in my last post. He states the main reason behind poor Wii U sales… is that you are fucked up to not know why it’s awesome! And he says this a million times! He lacks the ability to reason. To think! He cannot find an alternative solution to solving the problem of poor Wii U sales. But at this point, it’s too late. Game developers just go through the process of developing games. But they don’t THINK about what’s good for the customers! “Will people actually enjoy going through a desert oasis 3 times for a bunch of random, nonsensical events that have nothing to with completing a goal within the game?” “Would this person enjoy going through a lengthy game, then being told that he has to go back to the very beginning to pick up some random shit just to progress? Will this person enjoy hunting for all these triforce pieces at the end of the game?” If a game developer does not think or consider the customer satisfaction strategies necessary to make a game fun, enjoyable, and deficient in frustration while giving an increase in addicting gameplay as well as the ability to make the players think, then I don’t give a damn what pretentious interviews, documentaries, or inside looks of how you make the damn shit! IT HAS FAILED ME AS A VIDEO GAME, AND YOU HAVE FAILED YOUR CUSTOMERS AS A VIDEO GAME DEVELOPER!

You ever “THINK” about why they do these interviews, documentaries, and “how they made the game” gigs (you know, where they high five everyone, say everyone did a great job making that shit)? It’s more than likely there to engender some form of SYMPATHY from the viewers! That way, even if you hate the game or the movie, you can…… APPRECIATE the “hard fucking work” that went into the final product!

Notice I bolded the word appreciate. Why would I do that? Think!

It’s because several gamers, especially those god damn nintards, use this buzzword to deter and negate negative criticism from other gamers. See how these developers…. PROGRAMMED… the fucking fans?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

THINK! It ain’t illegal yet!

You know, thinking back to that Cracked.com post about the upcoming PS4 and 720 (can Sony afford to make a new console at this point?) possibly being download only for games due to the terror of the used games market, I’m a little puzzled.

Exactly… what’s the problem here?

The industry has been on quite a crusade against the used games market to the point that they won’t give you certain content if the game was previously played prior to a purchase (say that 5 times fast). They’ve gone so far as to compare the used games market to piracy, which everyone should agree… is bullshit.

I think the issue with used games is that developers, publishers, w/e, they are expecting their games to sell for more than a 3 month window. That’s understandable to a degree. Considering that most developers are closing down their studios due to low profits, used games could be a huge problem for them. Though how long do they expect the same product to keep selling for? And why stoop to cheap solutions like bribes such as first day DLC? Not every game produced is going to sell strongly for years on end (not with these prices or this depression), and cheap shots such as DLC/license bribes won’t do them any good. Technically, you’re demanding a customer rushes out to purchase a ball and chain.

$60 for every new game that comes out…. is horse piss. If I buy a game at a high price, it needs to have the length of Xenoblade, at least. If I buy a game that only lasts for about 5-7 hours at worst, then who are they to say I shouldn’t be able to leverage it to gain something better? The argument about being entitled to sell something I already payed money for shouldn’t exist. If you paid money to sell a product, I have as much right as you do. To deny me that right is to claim that you are king and I am a peasant. And that’s not how this world works. Game developers got this job to entertain people. IE they bow down to us. To say what we can and cannot do with our purchase is to declare mutiny. Why is this fair? Because it is we, the customers, who dictate if they rise or fall.

Make your games worth playing, and there wouldn’t be a need for a used games market. Period. The main reason it exists is because most games are really worth their resale value. The only games I’ve bought full priced this generation were Xenoblade and Last Story, both enjoyable games that I could replay over and over again and still have fun with them. Mainly due to their content.  Of all the AAA titles I’ve played, why can’t I enjoy them as much as these 2 titles? Hell, I’ve had more fun with cheaper games like Sonic and Sega All-Stars Racing. When your expensive games are less enjoyable than a Sonic spin off, you’re doing something terribly wrong.

I think the major problem is development costs. Every new generation, we get bigger, more expensive consoles that demand even more from the developers than usual. I feel for the programmers that are subject to these consoles overall, but they had a much cheaper alternative.

Weeeeee!

A cheaper gamecube with less development restrictions than previous Nintendo consoles. Having several input options was also a plus. Developers could’ve solved their production cost issues by going for a cheaper format. What did they do?

Do they get to compare breast sizes? No? NO BUY!

This is not a game. This is the developer saying “Fuck you”. And they want to control how I use my money!?
They considered it a waste of time. The HD consoles were the future! So what happens next is that they produce themselves into their graves. Many developers are now losing a massive amount of money. But they point the finger at used game markets. It couldn’t be the lacking variety of  content or quality.

The devs didn’t want to cut costs by going to the “inferior” console. So they went in and decided to eat away at their budgets just to create once in a lifetime experiences. But when they fail, they expect everyone else to make up for their bullshit. You… wanted to spend the extra cheese. That’s not my problem.

If you ask me, the developers have a very serious entitlement issue. To earn extra money off of an already purchased. It’s the mindset behind DLC. The person who complained about Heavy Rain is complaining about having 2 out of 3 million users playing his game. He’s lucky to get that much considering all he’s giving us is an interactive movie. He talks about making 5 million dollars in profits when he could’ve made a least 10 million, and that’s not even accounting for the DLC (which was canceled from what I’ve heard)! OH THE HORROR OF BEING ABLE TO PUT FOOD ON THE TABLE!

No. We don’t understand how difficult it really is to program for these devices. All we can go by are regurgitated statements by journalists, bloggers, developers, etc. Frankly, we also couldn’t give a damn. People use this “programming is hard” crap as a means to create sob stories so that we, the consumer, would be naive enough to care about the developers. And yet, they have the gall to treat us like idiots and do everything in their power to screw us over because they want more money than they deserve. They’re just greedy people. They attack the used games market due to a perceived loss in profits, but they just want that money.

Here’s the thing. The devs make money off the initial purchase. That in itself should be enough. You can’t charge people extra off of the same copy that you already sold. Why? Because it’s not in your hands anymore. When it leaves your center of manufacturing, we have every right to say “fuck you”. You put out these products for us. That’s all that matters to me at this point.

These “digital download” solutions are basically the developers saying “fuck you right back!” in that they’re attempting to strip control away from the customers. The power to leverage whatever we bring into our homes via a purchase. Imagine having a tool that locks itself up because the original buyer is no longer using it, making it virtually useless for someone else unless they plan to whack somebody over the head with it. Or a vegetable that was altered to poison someone the moment you decided to season it and put it into a nice salad in a restaurant. Does that sound rational? Logical even? Why should the content of a game decrease if you decide to resale it? If I’m not getting anything out of it, I expect to make some use of it if the money spent was again… $60. I payed my money, you can’t tell me how to use my game. Buying a used car doesn’t give the dealer the right to tell me how to drive it. Buying a used couch doesn’t give the seller the right to tell me how to sleep in it.

I don’t know why game publishers/devs try to screw their audiences over, then bitch about it when the audience finds a way around it… because of some stupid idea that somehow their industry should work different than EVERY OTHER consumer product in existence, but it tires the hell out of me. The gaming industry is like a teenager who thinks the world owes them anything.