Archive for February, 2013


What the hell!?

Ok… I’ve been pretty much… ignoring Capcom games outside of Megaman and Resident Evil so I haven’t been paying attention to how much they’ve been fucking up their franchises lately.

 

But…. please…. please tell me they didn’t this to a Devil.

DmC came out last month, I had no idea how much they fucked up Dante’s design!  My audience of 3, what the fuck happened!?

Damn this CP time…

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Note! This post attacks capitalism. If you are a nut riding nationalistic bastard that supports the “AMERICAN WAY!”, then leave now.

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It’s time to come clean. I am a prude.

Oh Nyame

I say this because there is a japanese-only game on the 3DS titled “Senran Kagura”. Its’ about underaged, overly developed girls in middle/high school who all dream of being the best ninjas ever. The game features half-naked transformation sequences, indiscriminately designed d-cups, panty shots, sexually suggestive scenes (Ikaruga for one looks like she’s humping something in a night gown), several groping scenes, and pointless beach episodes…..while sporting generic hack & slash gameplay.

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Ironic how a game like that winds up on a Nintendo device, though it’s not the first. What is mind blowing is just how many games (and cartoons) are like this in Japan. It’s gotten to the point of stigmatization. Video games and cartoons are for perverts now. Is it any wonder why the Japanese berate and ostracize the Otaku? Especially at those jewish prices!?

Funny enough, the games industry itself is facing the same problems. Games are more expensive, but offer very little in the way of value and fun factor. Except maybe for the Ameritaku on the internet who find everything fun for some reason, but never the less, the majority of the world becomes alienated once more. Video games have become cheap thrills. Mere shadows of their former selves.  An intoxicating drug that we just buy over and over again to feel “high”. Especially when drugs are cheaper. Video games used to be just forms of entertainment. But now they’ve been reduced to a relief from the strife of reality, like cocaine you would kill for.

Which begs the question of how we got to this point. Why have video games become so stale and devoid of life? Why have they been reduced to trite pornography that people watch through once, get bored, and then forget it ever existed all after the fact? Why are people expected to pay more money just to get the full value of their product? It’s like $60 for a fucking demo!

There are many factors in which the industry has gone downhill.

1. Happy beginnings

2. Capitalist greed

3. Destruction

4. Savior from Italy

5. Iron Fist of licensing agreements

6. Console Wars and betrayals

7. Sony’s disruption of quality

8. Erosion of principals in design

9. 3rd parties in their arrogance

10. economic blindness

11. desperation.

This is a shitty timeline I made to try and chronicle just how in the hell we got on this track of destruction. Now, my explanation is going to be just as horrid, but bear with me on this. If we go into the history of any kind of entertainment industry, it usually gets to a point where you see a massive decline in popularity when capitalistic greed unleashes it’s parasitic tentacles. We saw this in Newspapers, we’re seeing it in music, tv, and movies. And hell, we see it even better in video games because no one can truly manipulate the video game market as easily as they can movies and music. Greed and arrogance are the main factors of why empires and businesses eventually collapse under it’s own weight.

1. Happy Beginnings.

Ah, the days of the arcades. While video games started back in the late 40s, the early 70s are when they truly kicked off. And that’s how anything starts off, really. Everything is nice and bubbly, nothing goes wrong. And Pong was considered the shit! Hell, everyone loved Pong back in the seventies. It was the first game with commercial success as well, pissing off the pretentious college bitch boys who were nerdy for Galaxy Game or some Space War title. So arcade gaming was considered ol’ fashioned good times.

Then you have the Magnavox Odyssey.

Consoles were being made with the intent of bringing the arcade experience to the living room (I think). The Odyssey sold at least 2 million units which, back in the 70s, seems pretty good for the first console ever made.

Around the same time we were getting consoles and arcades, there were college boys making their own games in their spare time using basic PC’s. In college, RPG’s were being made like Teleguard and Zork. Most of these games were never heard of because the students never told anyone about them (why would you want to be caught using school technology for anything other than school work anyway?). According to bloggers like Malstrom, most of these students were obsessed with games like Space War and Zork, and all the developed computer games. The thing was people were more into Pong, leaving the college boys weeping for why no one “appreciates” the almighty PC (I guess this is where the PC elitists spawned from)

2. Capitalist Greed and Destruction

Due to the uniqueness of the console and the success of Pong, Capitalism decided to rear it’s ugly head. By the end of the 70s, Atari and Magnavox were the 2 main bastards gunning for money. But see, the developers for the consoles were thinking of copying the successes of games like Pong and Pac Man. What resulted were… shitty games. I’m sure everyone knows about the video game crash resulting from Atari and Magnavox selling consoles at a lose (I still don’t know how that works. If anyone can enlighten me, I’d be happy to hear.) and having a load of customers pissed off at the games coming out. So what occured was a dying breed of video games and BLAH BLAH, yeah I know you know. The industry flew right into a CRASH!

This mostly occurred with the advent of publishing houses for video games (such as friggin EA. That’s right niggas, they’ve been fucking up people’s money since the golden age of gaming!) Some sources say that these publishing houses actually cheated devs out of their money. Capitalism don’t discriminate. On the other hand, Computer games had low publishing costs, which I guess made Trip Hawkins nut ride the fuck out of the PC.

3. Savior from Italy.

Then Nintendo came with monkeys and plumbers, saved the industry, made the Nintendo console where developers began to flock to. Hawkins was tripping balls.

Truth be known, Taito is the real hero as Space Invaders actually sparked a new interest in gaming back in 1978. At least… everywhere except Amerikkka. So Taito was a hero everywhere BUT in Amerikkka. See, NA is always late to the party when it comes to advancing in any way that is beneficial or significant to us. We had to wait until the early 80s to have Nintendo save our asses. But considering that game developers were hounded by publishers before, they flocked to Nintendo’s new haven for a chance at the big time.

So there were essentially 2 different video game crashes. The American one getting hit much worse than in 77

4. Tekken of licensing agreements

Then they all went “Aw shit!” See, Nintendo wasn’t so eager to have these “filthy heathens” just put shit up on their console. 2 things might’ve occured in Nintendo’s thought process.

1. They were power hungry.

2. Probably in response to the crash, they wanted to prevent games from flooding the console, decreasing in value as more were released (devaluation). So Nintendo took measures to prevent that.

We all KNOW about Nintendo’s licensing practices. And looking at how things are going now, Nintendo probably had the right idea considering that consoles now are flooded with PURE SHIT! Why is it that the majority of gamers can go back and play older games for far longer than they do with games today? Even though developers could crank them out much faster and at a much cheaper pace?

Well who cares. See, these licensing agreements pissed off EVERYONE. Well, mostly the american developers because it limited their power. And by their nature, Europeans (and their American counterparts) do not like being limited in what they can do in any industry. So obviously, Nintendo has made some grave enemies for the future.

5. Console wars and Betrayels.

So when we got Sega into the market, you wouldn’t believe how many developers wanted to jump ship from Nintendo. Only to find out Sega had the same mentality. Then they went “AWW FUCKING HELL!” So at first, developers decided to wait it out with Sega, then some jumped right back to Nintendo. Notably Capcom and Konami in regards to Street Fighter and the Castlevania games.

We also had the Neo Geo, but the high prices of games gave everybody a heart attack.

Now all of this went on while the licensing practices were still in effect, so even the games from the 16bit and 32bit era proved to be more enjoyable than most games in the future.

Now with Mortal Kombat, this game actually affected Nintendo and video gaming on a much bigger scale than how most people would think. See, the reason why Nintendo is mainly considered “kiddy” was because they censored MK1 for the SNES. The Genesis version actually SOLD MORE because the gore was preserved. Nintendo still didn’t want mature content on their system, but capitalism defeated Nintendo. So the industry’s thinking pattern started to shift back to “well why can’t we make more of these mature games!?”. Because of the controversy and success of Mortal Kombat, game developers started to think of the money and began making more gory games. But due to the controversy, they had to make them less sigificant… but just there. From this point on, developers would stop catering to the whole family, and start catering to teenagers. This has yet to end. Even then, developers did not go out of control with this gore craze…. until Sony entered the market.

Now all you crackas just cream yourselves at night at the thought of villifying Nintendo after their “tyrannical and deceptive” treatment of Sony when it was known that Sony was going to hep create a CD based Nintendo console. Problem was Sony wanted to have full rights/profits from all games developed. Nintendo wasn’t about to have that, so they told them… nothing. They just left and started a deal with Phillips. Sony gets pissed off and decides to use Nintendo’s ideas against them. What emerged was the rot of gaming.

6. Sony’s disruption of quality and an erosion of design principals.

See, Sony offered developers something that neither Nintendo or Sega gave them. Actual freedom in what games to develop. And American developers haven’t had this much freedom since the late 70s and early 80s. So while the PS1 wasn’t out of control with the recent gore craze, most of the popular titles that came out were Resident Evil, Final Fantasy, Tekken, a huge wad of titles came out with mature themes that adults now cream themselves over. Nintendo themselves allowed devs to get in on that action with Killer instinct, Shadowman, Turok, and Goldeneye 64. These games were the heavy sellers of their systems (most of the time, at least), mainly because the taboo’s set by Mortal Kombat were no longer a problem (thank you ESRB). But something else occured.

With the advent of 3D graphics, developers became less intuned with making cohesive and workable video games… and decided to explore… “possibilities”. IE every new installment or new game that came out became an experiment to make games more realistic. Physics became more realistic, you could now fall from a high place and take damage or die (yes, I know there were games like that before the 64bit era, don’t come here trying to be a smart ass), inventory management became more prevalent (Resident Evil), and combat became more about defense and pacing rather than tapping B to stab enemies a million times. That and more games became about over-exaggerated adventure elements. Apparently, every developer’s idea of an adventure is making the players go on several thousand goddamn FETCH QUESTS! So what occurred during this period was where developers stopped giving a damn about quality and started going for mature content or “innovashun” that did nothing for video games and started the wave of teenage gaming. More complex controls, realism, and a desire for games to look like fucking art. And given that Sony would not restrain the developer’s power anymore, developers were like a caged beast being unleashed.

7. 3rd party arrogance.

Now, given Sony’s “freedom to developers” battlecry, developers gave the PSX some of the most memorable (I guess) games ever to come out, and made the Playstation brand a household name. Now, during the next generation where the Xbox and Gamecube came out, many 3rd party developers decided to skip out on Nintendo completely and gave the best games to Sony or Microsoft. Lets be real. Nintendo was ass raped this generation with the Gamecube. In sells, in game quality, and in 3rd Party trust. You know you’re fucked when the same company (Capcom) keeps withdrawing on their exclusivity deals for more money. Since gaming was still catered to teenagers, and this era saw the rising popularity of anime and RPGs, teenagers (as stupid as they are) went clinically insane and proclaimed “games as art” while also suggesting that “a console needs the best 3rd party developers to be in full support in order for a game console to be a success”. This was in response to Sega and Nintendo’s asswhippins during the Dreamcast and Gamecube runs. Unfortunately, this gave game designers a big head.

It was true in a sense considering that Sony and Microsoft’s success came almost directly from second hand development. They figured that they could just phase out any competitor they saw fit and use that as a footnote for terrorism in order to strong arm console developers to cater to their demands. Hell, there’s got to be some reason Sony patented tech to block out used games (but apparently decided not to use them for PS4).

So with this concept of 3rd parties being the determining factor behind a console’s success, it’s abnormal how they all got a mean taste in their mouths with the advent of the Nintendo Wii… for a little while. 3rd parties were going insane from all of their losses. They made incredibly bad decisions that led to many of them losing profits and closing down their doors. The problem with this is that developers allowed the teenagers to dictate that they are gods. But it’s amazing how soon gods can bleed…. in profits.

So with the Wii giving back what was lost from the 8 and 16bit era, the HD devs decided to go back to capitalist strategies by nickle and diming you for every $60 game you purchased by taking advantage of the teenager’s blind and professed love of Downloadable Content. The idea of buying a game that gets an update without your input, essentially giving you a “pseudosequel” every month or so, was so appealing and pervasive, developers (still catering to teenagers) decided to exploit this new and ignorant love of a game feature. It got so bad that people started protesting companies for this. And developers were still losing money. But they continued this practice, mainly due to…

8. economic blindness and desperation.

Lets face it. Sony’s $600 price tag fucked them. Microsoft’s poor design of the 360 (RROD) fucked them. Clearly, with an economy that is terrible, the cheaper price tag always wins. And given the value that most Wii games had over the bloated HD titles that didn’t feel like games at all, it was clear that developers themselves were losing big. But even with all the doom signs around them, they were still arrogant to the point that they deliberately refused to asses their problems. They still wanted to go the hollywood route and use high budgets for games that they couldn’t reasonably get a profitable return on, and continued to hound Nintendo to go the HD route. 1 thing was clear. Developers were starting to become selfish bastards. And the crash attributes that led to said crash were coming back in full force. Games are rushed, carbon copies of the most popular “teenage fad” at the time. Why is it now that gamers think every game is an FPS? That needs no answer. It’s clear that developers are starving for money. Why? When the economy is going into freefall, developers have to think about how to appeal to people who could hardly afford this shit. And that honestly starts by lowering the god damn prices! And a lot of gamers, for some fucked up reason, probably out of extreme high-class arrogance, proclaim that games shouldn’t be cheap because developers have to make money. Put it on Wii!? Naw, fuck the Wii! That’s casual bullshit!

It was clear that 3rd parties and “high-class” teenagers combined were destroying video games. You can see this with the rising costs of development due to HD technologies.

There’s something wrong here. Games were cheaper to develop for back in the 16bit era than they were in the 8bit era because parts used to make the games weren’t so expensive . They were harder to make, but cheaper essentially. And they got even cheaper using the CD format. The more technology progressed, the cheaper games got to produce. How in the green hell does it now take up to untold fucking millions to make 1 goddamn game!?

Deliberate devaluation of the currency! And you know what? The developers themselves…. they aren’t honestly economically blind. Play the new DMC game out, yes the one with the white-trash looking Dante. That game alone says how much developers honestly know how fucked up our economy is. And they still go out and make expensive visual experiences! But people wanted Wii games! Developers did what they wanted anyway! Because they stopped giving a shit. The moment you stop buying their shit is the moment they declare you the enemy. That is how capitalism works. When game developers like Iwata start suggesting that people don’t understand the value of the Wii U (none of which justifies the high price tag), he has declared the consumers as enemies. This speaks volumes of why developers do not change their courses of actions. See, Sony gave them too much freedom, and they became corrupt. Out of that corruption comes arrogance that their way is the right way, and nothing else can work.

This is the heart of why the industry is in decline. Capitalistic arrogance. Developers tried to exploit teenagers and failed. Now, because their grand master plans have failed, they dehumanize consumers of all age ranges of not “getting it”. When any manufacturer starts suggesting that their buyers don’t have a fucking clue of what they want or what they’re talking about to do damage control on their criticisms, then that manufacturer is going to close house. Because if you are not going to re-asses your customer complaints and treat them like shit, they will sooner or later detect this and stop coming to you. That means you’ve burned the bridge to your source of income, and eventually, you die. You can try to exploit teenagers all you want. Most future generations probably won’t even bother with a video game as most of the gaming market right now is in their 30s! The fuck are you trying to target teenagers for!? Because they’re stupid!? Of course!

Either way, seeing all the signs around us, it’s funny that people are still hyped up for the PS4. Even Malstrom is hinting at it’s success.

So Castlevania Mirrors is gonna have combat based off of 2D Fighters now?

Naw, this is actually a good thing! Because I honestly didn’t think fighting games had quick time events!

First off, Cox talks about how difficult it was to have power and fluidity in combat.  So he decides to look toward Street Fighter… and Samurai Shodown. Neither of these games have fluid combat systems (unless he’s also been hypnotized by SF3’s graphics). If you want fluid combat, you would do well to look at DOA or Soul Calibur at least. Not fucking turtle fests. And considering how blatantly similar LOS’s combat system was to GOW (that even the fanboys can hardly deny), this cannot bode well for MOF.

If your combat system is gonna be based off of turtle fighters, why not just go back to the classic style instead wasting development time on shit I am sure will not even be present in the final game. It’s probably just going to make the combat into “hit and run” bullshit that we’ve seen in every god damn action game we’ve seen since Ninja Gaiden. The gameplay doesn’t even sound interesting if it’s going to be based off of slow fighting games. Or maybe he means pulling off special moves with retard commands because that’s honestly never been done before!

OH WAIT! IT DOESN’T MEAN SHIT!

Cox is basically talking out of his ass again like he said about taking Castlevania back to it’s roots with LOS1. What he really means is “LOL having stages again”. With this game it means…. nothing, really.

The game actually looks like a proper Castlevania title, but I suppose it’s aesthetics are just to shut oldschool fans up and nothing more. But fighting games, that does not look like.

That pasty teabag that developed Heavy Rain is telling the industry to grow up. What it boils down to is that he’s pissed off that no one’s buying his shit. I am shocked that something as vainglorious as Heavy Rain managed 2 million given it’s shitty content.

“Buy crap and you will get more crap. Buy risky, ambitious games and you will get more of them”

Translation: ………..HAHAHAHAHAHHAA!

Last I checked, Heavy Rain wasn’t risky or ambitious. Interactive movies are not ambitious. That shit was boring on the Sega CD, and it’s boring now. People are SICK OF QUICK TIME EVENTS IN THE FIRST PLACE! And that’s all Heavy Rain has to offer. So for the record, this fool shouldn’t be talking about a necessity to grow up considering that he bitched about selling 2 million copies of a game that no one really wants. He’s lucky to get that much in the first place.

Lets check out some key things.

“He noted that the industry has remained practically the same for the last 40 years – the best selling games continue to be either those from Nintendo, the Call of Duty games or GTA.”

All of which have been declining in sales. It’s a cold day in whatever hell you believe in when COD doesn’t sell as much as before. But at least Activision is making money. They weren’t complaining, unlike Cage was with Heavy Rain before going on a rage fest against used games.

“There are only three genres: kids games, casual and violent games.”

What the fuck!? Casual games are a GENRE now?! Hmm, how do we categorize movies then?

 Mayonnaise Monkey Films

Coon flicks

Asian Cinema

How stupid do you have to be to use the term “CASUAL” when you want an industry to grow up!? Casual is a term used by insecure man children who think making games for a certain demographic is FUCKING EVIL! And this guy has that same issue considering this quote

“the industry has mostly the same audience for 40 years.”

Translation: FUCK MAN! I can’t make games for these filthy rags that have made this industry what it is today!

“Games have used the same themes and same worlds and same paradigms, he said. One look at Wolfenstein in 1992 compared to Call of Duty in 2012 shows that graphics have leapt forward, but in the last 20 years the concepts haven’t changed much at all – it’s still about guns and “kill people before they kill you.”

Well, killing shit is better than having a self-mutilation scene, isn’t it?

“He noted that games still live in what he termed “wonderland,” a world not connected to our reality, which talks about things that are not related to what we know.”

Um… what? I’d RATHER NOT have video games “connect to our reality”. Why is it that developers are obsessed with making video games realistic? Here’s something realistic. People don’t like having ink for saving their game file. Capcom takes that bullshit out, and everyone adores RE4 for it.

Themes and concepts serve as a metaphor for the reality we live in, and video games do that job just fine. The games themselves are just in a different setting not bound by the laws of our reality. Otherwise, we would be bored as shit, just like we are with Heavy fucking Rain!

“For older gamers, that’s a big problem, Cage noted. It’s an issue that the industry keeps making the same games and lacks innovation.”

This was more successful than this:

SHUT YO ASS UP ABOUT THIS INNOVATION SHIT!

I’m sick of people talking about “innovation”. Innovation is not successful unless it relates to what people already like to do in video games! And that is to whoop some ass!

Why don’t you go to Japan with all that innovation shit. The Japanese have bad taste, so they’ll more than likely swallow your shit up like sa’ke in Harumi Nemoto’s snatch.

Huh… so they’re not all flat-chested bricks.

“Cage wants to see the market move from teenagers to a market where anyone can play.”

Bitch, WE DO have a market where anyone can play! You just said we have a kid’s genre (LMBAO)! That denotes that little shits like you can play games along with teenagers!

Here’s the funny thing. Most gamers aren’t even teenagers though. Most of them range in the adult area. Another funny thing is the blatant disregard for games that are directly marketed towards children as well. Most of all, Sonic the Hedgehog, especially with the amount of corny ass scenes he has in Sonic Generations.

Think about some of your friends or parents or grandparents who have no interest in games, but you can all talk about your favorite book or movie.”

Um, yeah. My pops used to be the best pacman player back when he was young and I was still shittin my diapers. My mother can’t get enough of Super Mario, even the new one that came out. My coworkers will always talk about Madden or Modern Borefare any chance they get. Fuck, everyone I’ve talked to has an interest in video games. It’s just not a huge priority like they have with movies or more important things like managing money. And that’s just how it is!

Gaming is junk entertainment that people play to past the time. No one with a healthy life is going to  put a damn video game over their other shit.  That’s some shit TEENAGERS do! You’re advocating we cater games more toward the obsessive nerds in the classroom! IE, take yo pasty ass to Japan for whatever the hell you want to make!

“Cage then proceeded to outline his nine things the industry needs to change to grow up”

Oh amma…

“1. Make games for all audiences. How can we make your mother or grandmother play games? It’s time to invent interactive entertainment for adults.”

I am not gonna anybody play shit they don’t want to play. Why would you want to make games for elderly people that are about due to become maggot food anyway?

2. We must change our paradigms. Violence and platforms are not the only way. We’re in an industry where game designers don’t know what to do if the character isn’t holding a gun, he lamented. You can define interactivity in many different ways. Can we make games that are not based on systems? When you get older, you don’t necessarily want to compete in a game with others. You don’t want your ass kicked by a 10-year-old. So can we as an industry make games with no gun?”

Ok, so apparently I’ve been living in an alternative reality where the majority of games I have played featured characters who more than likely use swords than guns. Hey Cage! Guess what!? The most marketed games aren’t a representation of EVERY FUCKING GAME ON THE MARKET! You’re just as stupid as these hardcore gamers! Do you fucking RESEARCH anything!? It would take me 3 hours to list every “non-gun toting” video game that has ever been released, and you’d still think every game has a gun, you dipshit.

And what does getting your ass whooped by a 10-year have to do with guns? You can get your ass whooped by 10 year olds playing as Sagat in SF4 with absolutely no effort on their part. And no gun is present!

This fool is not making any sense by throwing out random shit like this. The NRA must be pissed at this fool.

“3. The importance of meaning. Many games have absolutely nothing to say. They are empty, he said. So can we create games that have something to say, that carry an idea, that tell you something that resonates with you? Let authors come in! Most games are written by designers or graphic artists or others, he noted. All real world themes should be used – any theme you know in real life could be used in a game. Can we create games that talk about relationships, feelings, politics, homosexuality? Games should be a mirror for what you are, Cage remarked. The game will leave an imprint on you. You will keep thinking. This is what any creative medium should achieve, he asserted.”

Translation: I have no idea why people like video games.

This asshole is advocating pretentious bullshit that ignores what the CUSTOMERS WANT! No one wants that philosophical BS in their video games. Gamers care about their enjoyment and not being “educated” by some dipshit who thinks Ghost in the Shell is a stunning masterpiece because people talk to damn much about the “human condition” and why humans have emotions.

Cage: “Why do the gamers get so angry when they lose a video game?”

Gamer: “Because I don’t want to play a game that just has me doing random actions with Playstation Move. It’s not fun to me, yet you keep having all of these QTE’s that do nothing but advance the story. This game is all about your story telling skills and not my own entertainment! This is vainglorius tripe!”

Cage (german accent): DO NOT QUESTION MY GENIUS!

Why the fuck would I want to play a game that discusses homosexuality!? You really are French!

4. Become Accessible. Focus on minds, not thumbs! He said games should just be about going on a journey, not just about challenging you”

……What you just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I’ve ever heard. At no point were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it.

“6. Need to establish new relationships with Hollywood. For a long time they saw games like licensed products, but games can be more than that and should be a respected medium, he said. It’s time for constructive, balanced partnerships. Cage said game makers and Hollywood can invent a new form of entertainment together.”

Is this fur licker actually saying gaming needs to join up with Hollywood!? Do you want video games to die prematurely!? If you aren’t an idiot, you made a world-class effort at simulating one because this is the most idiotic suggestion you could ever offer! Hollywood is trash. It has degraded to the point that it’s not worth putting money into. And you want to partner up with them?!

Ok, so now we’re getting to the real reason you’re pissed off! You just want to make movies! Stupid, shitty drama movies none the less! So why did you become a game developer!? Don’t nobody want that bull shit on their game consoles! Hollywood is in the state of devolution to even more garbage than the game industry pushes out. Fuck, game developers still have an ounce of civility in them. Hollywood dehumanizes people and has the gall to call it entertainment.

“7. Changing our relationship with censorship. This is-“

AHP! No… stop. I’m not even gonna bother with that one.

“8. The role of press. Press is very important, Cage said. He stressed that press are generally very clever, they analyze the business, they evangelize it and try to educate. But he also blasted another segment of the press: the game critics. He claimed that they “aren’t press”. Being a critic is a serious job but not everybody has the skill for it, he said. He complained that there’s no analysis from critics.”

Why the hell do you care? Every critic has already sucked your pencil dick over Heavy Rain alone (most were probably paid off to do it).

Oh wait, so you’re actually admitting your game is trash, and that game critics had no idea why they praised a shitty game?

Well now, you’re not so stupid afterall!

“In the end, Cage just wants to see games transform from “games” to “digital entertainment.” This new form of entertainment should be accessible to all, open to all themes and genres, talk to society in meaningful ways, should be based on the journey, not the challenge, should be cross platform, and it should become mass market, he concluded.”

I swear, you’re pretentious.

I like this comment, though

“His message seems kind of confused. One moment he says we need to stop making this kind of game, then says we should be allowed to make whatever we want, but then we need to stop making games that are challenging because it’s about the journey, but they should appeal to everyone, which I would assume the people that wanted a challenge are an exception? Also multiplayer is bad because some people don’t like it? I don’t know, it sounds like a lot of personal design opinions than design facts. I’m tired of fps too, but I just remedy it with other games cause the ecosystem is huge. It’s like an iceberg, everyone can see this shallow tip of bloody shooters and scanty nuns, but no one takes a breath to look under the water and see the Minecrafts, Sim games, Machinariums ad infinitum.”

In the end, Cage just doesn’t understand videogames or the people that play them. But, like Nintendo, he doesn’t give fuck about you or me. He’s just one of those “artistic” college folks that think taking a million fine arts majors will make the best games ever. He’s just bitch-made.

I remember reading a long time ago, the blog has unfortunately been deleted, I forgot the name of it, but w/e. This one guy had said something about Zelda: Twilight Princess being the crux of why video games are shit, and why he will never touch another video game ever again. Because to him, it felt like video games were trying… to make you into a machine. Initially, I never understood what he meant until I had played Donkey Kong Country Returns and even more Zelda games, and even the newer Metroids. To make… a man into a machine means you turn off a person’s ability to think. And instead… you turn a man into something you program.

Over the years, we’ve seen how humans go into life. It’s all just a program now. We all go through the motions. No one thinks anymore. No one possesses the ability to redefine shit anymore. We’re all simple minded. We need someone to tell us exactly how to do things in life, because we’ve got this mentality that… only one damn way works. Any other way is automatically wrong. Western Society (and probably Japanese society as well) is a linear thinking realm. It’s gotten so bad that we can’t function without being told what the correct process is of going about a damn thing. Women need to read a book on the process of dating a man the “correct” way!

We are animals that can’t… function without being told what to do. Because we’ve been led to believe that there is only one way to go about life. You heard all the bullshit about “you can be anything you want regardless of bloodline or education, as long as you have that ambition”, and then you come to find out you can’t be anything without the validation of education to prove you have ambition. So ultimately college (or the military) is your only option after high school. And even then, these crackas still won’t hire you if they’re broke and paranoid about losing money. If you don’t go to college, then Ra help you in deciding where to go next, because by then, your mind is so fucked up on this linear thinking, you don’t any other option besides military or school. Or a simple job that won’t do you any good in the future but to just be able to feed your family. So what happens is you go into a perpetual state of aimlessness. You don’t know where to go, you don’t know what to do.  Because you’ve been taught to go through the motions instead of using yo damn brain.

This is why video games were a “great escape” from the motions. See, you hear a lot of people talk about old mother fuckers always saying “well back in my day, video games were damned good”. Just like the guy talking about Twilight Princess. He had the same thought process. Now, lets see here. We go and find that Americans ain’t happy. Why would that be the case? You have an imperialistic nation, stolen resources, a cock-smashingly powerful military, and a culture of people who can go out and buy shit for half the prices people pay in other countries. Americans got everything. Yet, no one is happy. We all assume it’s because of the consumerist culture which tells us to put material things over human interaction. That’s part of it, but I have a theory. This linear thinking doesn’t allow people to go outside of the motions! We either have one way or nothing. You remember back in school how you got math problems where you have a multitude of ways to come to the same solution? And you know how the teacher says “show your work”? What work do you have to show them? Not the slick shit you done did. Naw, you have to go through the motions just to get full credit! You all may not have had to go through the bullshit I did, but I didn’t even get full 100% on my damn assignments because I didn’t do the problems the right way!

“But I got the right answer!”

“Damn the right answer, my method is more important than your shit”

Creative and innovative mindsets are not allowed in western society. Mainly cause if it was, you’d start thinking about why homosexuality is rampant in the media today. Then they got damn gay marriage shit passed, so soon enough we’re gonna be encouraging people to be faggots. I don’t give a rats ass, 2/5ths of a fuck what you say! That shit ain’t natural!

So back to the video games, video games break you out of those motions and allow you to tackle problems and obstacles in ways that you have full control over. You know Mega Man, right? Why do people love Mega Man? All the different methods and ways of ass whippin you have at your disposal! How do I kill cut man? Shoot him! Or get a brick and knock the HELL out of that bastard. All of the classic games can give you these methods of kicking ass and tackling obstacles, and you can go about them in any damn way you please.

Today’s games!? The majority of them, you’ll be lucky if you can escape needing to press a damn button at the right time, or kill a boss that requires you to do the same pattern multiple times.

Worst… goddamn offender of the entire cosmos.

What if I don’t want to do all this shit?

What’s been happening is that, because european devils have imposed their culture on the whole damn globe, video games are moving away from being a thinking man’s game… to a processing game. Because the population of the world have been trained… to think in a linear state of mind. So linearity requires a person to go about shit in a process. This is why people cannot think well anymore. We don’t have an open mind. It’s been locked down to only process. Or to put it like this maggot food put it

“They want a people who’s smart enough to operate the machines and a people who’s dumb enough to keep on doing it without sitting around the table and discussing how badly they’re getting fucked in their everyday lives”.

In a linear society, people cannot be in control of their own damn lives. They go through a system as a process. And that is why people are unhappy. And dammit, people are unhappy with video games as well. Otherwise, so many video game studios wouldn’t be closing down (LOL Junction Point).

We need video games that make yo ass think! That’s why no one likes video games anymore! They don’t give your brains an erection!

What do I mean by thinking and Processing? Well, I probably already described it, but for those that are slow and can’t seem to understand, lets break it down.

Video games are becoming a hobby of processing! What is a process? A systematic series/sequence of actions  directed to some end. The end being the desired result of the process. Sequence being the ordered list of events. The events, in relation to video games, is a happening or a performance.

When you are in a performance, you are literally going through the motions. You have to practice this one motion over and over and over until you get it just right. So that you can perform and put on a show. So with that, the process is just a performance that you just have to do. It’s a one way streak in which you are expected to perform on a certain level. What does this remind me of?

This bull shit!

All that game is about… is process. You go through one event after the other! This series began as the foundation of freedom to explore! Metroid 1 was a game that gave you total freedom in how you complete the game! After about 25 years, THIS SHIT IS WHAT YOU HAVE TO OFFER NOW!? I wouldn’t even piss on Sakamoto if he was on fire to save his life. You can count that “scripted nonsense” of Donkey Kong Country Returns as well, especially those goddamn rail carts and barrel stages.

As it turns out, several video games that are developed today all have the intent of making you go through a process. And most of the time, it’s just the developers wanting you to experience their own damn vision and creativity! They couldn’t give a fuck about what you want! I’m sure everyone is tired of those goddamn quick time events by now! Every developer in existence co-opted that bullshit to the point of absurdity! You can’t escape.

What about thinking? It’s to employ one’s mind rationally and objectively in evaluating or dealing with a given situation.

You see, rationality and objectivity are 2 essential mother fucking elements that hardcore gamers, and especially nintards, are entirely deficient in! They all have a linear process that denies objectivity and rationality! The capacity for logical, rational, and analytic thought have been completely removed in favor of animalistic gluttony! This is why the hardcore gamers go out and buy a million games they do not plan on playing more than once. Blockbuster was a wonderful thing back in the day because of this fact. There is no logical reason to buy games that will eventually be shelved or traded in for credit for another game that will meet the same damn fate.

Thinking. It’s your ability to reason. To make a cognitive judgment of situations. You assess a situation or obstacle in a game and decide the best way to go about that shit. You experiment with different options and methods in tackling obstacles. EXPERIMENTATION IS SCIENCE! Science allowed for breakthroughs in a whole lotta shit you see! That comes from THINKING! If you have a society of people that is programmed to do process and not think, there are no advancements in anything! You lack the deductive reasoning necessary to solve problems! This is why you see Satoru Iwata on that damn business briefing going on in my last post. He states the main reason behind poor Wii U sales… is that you are fucked up to not know why it’s awesome! And he says this a million times! He lacks the ability to reason. To think! He cannot find an alternative solution to solving the problem of poor Wii U sales. But at this point, it’s too late. Game developers just go through the process of developing games. But they don’t THINK about what’s good for the customers! “Will people actually enjoy going through a desert oasis 3 times for a bunch of random, nonsensical events that have nothing to with completing a goal within the game?” “Would this person enjoy going through a lengthy game, then being told that he has to go back to the very beginning to pick up some random shit just to progress? Will this person enjoy hunting for all these triforce pieces at the end of the game?” If a game developer does not think or consider the customer satisfaction strategies necessary to make a game fun, enjoyable, and deficient in frustration while giving an increase in addicting gameplay as well as the ability to make the players think, then I don’t give a damn what pretentious interviews, documentaries, or inside looks of how you make the damn shit! IT HAS FAILED ME AS A VIDEO GAME, AND YOU HAVE FAILED YOUR CUSTOMERS AS A VIDEO GAME DEVELOPER!

You ever “THINK” about why they do these interviews, documentaries, and “how they made the game” gigs (you know, where they high five everyone, say everyone did a great job making that shit)? It’s more than likely there to engender some form of SYMPATHY from the viewers! That way, even if you hate the game or the movie, you can…… APPRECIATE the “hard fucking work” that went into the final product!

Notice I bolded the word appreciate. Why would I do that? Think!

It’s because several gamers, especially those god damn nintards, use this buzzword to deter and negate negative criticism from other gamers. See how these developers…. PROGRAMMED… the fucking fans?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

THINK! It ain’t illegal yet!

Summed up in one post on a forum that has…. suspiciously sane Sonic fans.

It’s nice to actually find something logical on video game forums these days. He/she pointed out the very reason why Kirby’s Epic Yarn is some shit. The game:

“feels as if there is no gameplay skeleton and you are consuming cotton candy. It just turns to sugary vapor when you consume it.”

There is nothing Epic about this Yarn shit.

Now, I know all the people that defended Kirby’s Epic Yarn are Nintards with an extreme vindication against people who are speaking the truth. You know why this is?

1. Those that defend this game are Nintards.

I’m looking through this thread (and several others) where no one even bothers to explain what they even like about the damn game. Naw, people just want to argue about shit. What is so great about Kirby’s Epic Yarn? Most people couldn’t tell yah. And how can they? The game has no merits worth talking about! One thing is for sure. If people honestly enjoyed Epic Yarn, you would see Kirby fans demanding MORE of that game. You see people demanding SOTN. That alone solidifies it as the best in the series based more so on demand. More people want NSMB than 3D Mario. IE NSMB is superior. More people want Metroid Prime than Super Metroid. I pointed that out already. If you have a large group of people loving something that they can’t even explain why they love it, they don’t really love it at all. They support it because a certain company made it. Nintards will love every Nintendo game that comes out. But notice how Nintards won’t point out elements of the games they love… until they feel attacked. 

See, now the Nintards will get on the defensive and viciously attack someone until they get to a point where they can manipulate a debate and narrow down a person’s opinion on a game to the gamer in question having some personal problem that disables them from liking something. Half the time, that shit devolves into a “you just suck” slam fest. Course, that’s impossible to say with a game that won’t even bother to kick your ass.

So what’s the next best thing? People use the apple jacks defense.

WE EAT WHAT WE LIKE!

More than likely, they’re gonna go on the trip about “I just like it” or “it’s just fun!”. That would be acceptable if most of these replies weren’t in response to a critique of the game. No one’s attacking the person’s taste in video games. The person is attacking the game for being a piece of shit.

See, the fan of the game feels attacked because when you love something (for any reason, doesn’t matter), you…. absorb that game’s essence into your soul. So that game… is now a part of you. It sounds crazy until you think about the things that have influenced you in your life. American Nationalism influences every mother fucker in this country. So Americans get real offended when someone attacks this country (we have to be the most sensitive mother fuckers on the face of the Earth. We lash out at anybody just for saying Mcdonalds got shitty fries). So, the Nintard, because Nintendo influenced him so much therefore absorbing the essence of Nintendo into his soul, immediately feels attacked if Nintendo or their games are criticized. This is why gamers can’t get their shit straight and can’t ever dictate why they like certain video games. The majority of people can’t even explain why they like Aonuma Zelda! And yes, I await the angry comments trying to subvert the message that say otherwise.

So when it comes to Epic Yarn, the primary reason is that Nintards will defend this mother fucker regardless of it’s quality. There’s a difference between a Nintard and a fanboy. Fanboys are constantly paranoid about the quality of their obsession, and will sometimes be on the defensive if they even sense a drop in quality. Nintards have unconditional love. Unhealthy love. Abnormal love… for this one company.

2. Most fans are pretentious “games are art” hardcores.

Lets be real. Hardcore gamers in general will have stupid reasons for loving games. The main praise of Shadow of the Colossus was that the game was fucking art. You will not hear one thing about it’s gameplay, the most important element.

It’s a glorified boss rush mode.

All you do in this game is run around an empty, big ass world looking for boss fights. Then when you find one, your biggest challenge is the camera and controls as you climb these big ass golems attacking glyphs in their bodies. Then you move on looking for another. That’s it

GAEM OF THE FUCKING YEAR!

Most hardcore types thought the Yarn style was “cute” and “quirky” and immediately love the game based solely on it’s art style.

This isn’t really an abnormal thing. Games like Madworld, Windwaker, and ESPECIALLY Okami get praise based on it’s art style. Madworld might not be a good fit because some people can actually say what they like about that game (and get ignored). Otherwise, if you can’t hear any good things about a game aside from baseless praise, then more than likely people are hypnotized by the art style. Or some underlying, philosophical message  that no one with a decent lifestyle gives a fuck about. Think of Ghost in the Shell, one of the most boring animes out there, and you’ll see what I mean. Quality is not a factor to these people. Hell, Anime where the characters want to front like they’re the next Confucius are actually shit. Minimal action, boring characters that 0% of the population can relate to or enjoy, and a general premise that is ignored in favor of just talking shit. Anyone wonders why half the dialog in the matrix films are unmemorable drags is because most of that shit is something people don’t care about. Just a bunch of pretentious assholes analyzing human behavior like they’re psychologists who can give people a message through the power of entertainment!

No one cares how machines operate? They just want something to do it’s job!? WOW! The wachowsiki brothers are friggin geniuses!!!

Speaking of Okami, I think it’s hilarious how this one game was sold on 2 consoles with big ass fanbases.. and fucked up 2 times. Clover got shut down on the first failure. Why did Okami fail? Because it ripped off Zelda. Now I’m not one to shit all over a game because it ripped off something. But in this case, I’ll make an exception. Why is Okami ripping off Zelda a bad idea?

Because it ripped off Modern Zelda. And Modern Zelda is made by this asshole.

Stare into the face of EVIL!

If you plan to rip off a game that’s made by this limp dick fuck up, your game deserves to fail. Aonuma’s way is NOT THE ANSWER TO SUCCESS!

3. There is no meat to the game that’s worth defending.

For all the niggas who are too lazy to even bother reading the post, let me put it this way.

Video games (not including the simulations like Sim City, Nintendogs or all that other bullshit) require 2 essential elements before even being declared a game in the first place

1. The chance of Success

2. The chance of Failure.

Those things are mandatory. If you don’t have these key elements in a video game, it’s not a game anymore. It’s hot air.

Now, when you have both these essential elements, we can get into a deeper level called “reasonable challenge”. A reasonable challenge being something that is balanced and does not frustrate the players. It feels inclusive and not exclusionary to a certain demographic. Super Mario Bros. 3 would be a reasonable challenge because it’s inviting to people from the beginning and gets progressively harder.. Sonic 2 would be a reasonable challenge up until the final bosses where they say FUCK everything else.. Castlevania Bloodlines would NOT be a reasonable challenge. The difficulty is all over the place. Level 2 is harder than Level 6! And that’s even with all the mind screw rooms in the castle. Of course, Level 2 it would be in Greece, that piece of shit civilization would have crappy levels.

But, you know what, that don’t even matter because Epic Yarn doesn’t even have failure as an option! You can’t fail at Kirby Yarn! Your main objective is collecting gems. And they pop out of you like a bad ejaculation when you get hit. That’s it. That’s all this game has.

Oh I’m sorry. The levels are “creativily designed”. Don’t nobody give a shit. When level designs are “creative”, they become “unfun”. “Inventive” and “creative” are buzzwords used by hardcore gamers who are easily amused by things that do neat little tricks.

These creative levels are things I equate to a kiss. The first time you experience these “creative levels” is the only time it’s really special. But after that, it feels like a routine. Your first kiss is something special. It’s a damned new experience. After that, it’s routine shit. It doesn’t feel like anything special anymore. So when every damned review I see praises the games for having “creative levels”, I am repulsed. Because that tells me the game has no merits beyond it’s ability to show off. And then I get this fuckery that says “I cannot die for any reason”. That just takes the cake.

You need the chance of failure to present a reasonable challenge. It’s like playing the game with inf. health codes. The entire package becomes nothing but a process. It’s not a game anymore. There, you’re just going through the game just to complete it. Playing games with inf. health diminishes any fun factor you might’ve had. When you turn a game into a process, you become a machine. A mother fucking zombie. You’re in a state of… going the motions. You can’t think when in this state. You may say that have to be careful not to lose your gems, nigga please. Ain’t no threat in this game. That’s the point! There’s nothing in this game to fear. You are just collecting shit to advance the game, and there is no obstacle designed to kick your ass… that makes this gem collecting business fun or exciting. You don’t even need to think. See, games like Mega Man makes sure that you pay attention to what you are doing. Cause one wrong move and that’s it! Castlevania as well, and even the Trauma Center games.

You ever why people talk shit about the Dynasty Warrior games? Because half the time, all you’re doing is pressing Square over and over and over again. And you’ll win half the damn time! See, you need games that make you think about what you are doing. You heard how playing video games can actually improve your cognitive abilities? Shit like Epic Yarn makes you stupid! Why? You don’t need something like “concentration” to play that shit! The only thing Yarn is good for is probably relieving you from stress.

And there lies the problem with Nintards. See, the current wave of Nintendo games actually shut down brain function because they’re too damn easy to play. And half these Nintards want to come here and try to debate with someone because they got offended.

Cleanse yo mother fucking soul of this yarn demon! It’s demonic presence is destroying your ability to determine what a good game is.

Wow, so Nintendo is ballsy enough to post their business briefings on their home site now? I’ve never heard of this happening before. They must be losing their minds or… I’ve never heard of a company doing this before.

While it was pointed out that, unlike in the case of Wii, it was difficult to instantly understand the appeal of Wii U, those who purchased it, although there are issues to be addressed, have shown a certain degree of satisfaction with our product value, but since its value by nature is something that takes time to appreciate and hence cannot be spread amongst society instantly, we have yet to communicate its value to the wider public. To put it another way, we delivered Wii U to those consumers who we thought would be the first to buy it, but information has not successfully been passed on to those consumers who we think will be the next people to buy it. This must be one big factor with which Wii U could not maintain its momentum.

With Wii U, we have taken a rather resolute stance in pricing it below its manufacturing cost, so we are not planning to perform a markdown. I would like to make this point absolutely clear. We are putting our lessons from Nintendo 3DS to good use, as I have already publicly stated. However, given that it has now become clear that we have not yet fully communicated the value of our product, we will try to do so before the software lineup is enhanced and at the same time work to enrich the software lineup which could make consumers understand the appeal of Wii U.”

Hey, Iwata!? How about just admitting that NOBODY WANTS THIS OVERPRICED PIECE OF SHIT!?

Fuck man, no wonder Nintendo was on the list of supporters for SOPA! This asshole cannot seem to see that the consumers are actually intelligent people that DO NOT WANT THE WII U! And why is that? Because the consumers can get information about a product before they buy it. It has nothing to do with you “not getting the information out to the right people” but people actually getting their information from trusted sources. And what are those trusted sources saying? Wait for a mother fucking price drop or don’t waste a cent.

“Trust” being the key word because no one trusts Nintendo with customer satisfaction after getting shafted on the Wii and basically getting told to FUCK OFF with the 3DS! Oh no, mother fuckers! Look at the economy! You think people are going to rush out and buy the Wii U at it’s price point while the money bed is getting shitted on by these white folks? Hell no!

However, since now is a time when smart devices are widespread and overseas video game developers are less interested in developing software for handheld platforms, some may doubt if Nintendo can actually make it.

I swear, if I hear another damn thing about smart phones, tablets, ipods, or w/e fucking product out there destroying the abilities of developers to make a living on shitty hardware….

“Regarding the Wii U, it is now clear that many consumers have not understood its product value.

He keeps saying the same damn thing. The reason why the Wii U hasn’t sold was obviously the people not “getting it”. People understand the Wii U’s value.  It’s value equates to the same level of your IQ, Mr. Iwata. And that would be 3 degrees below whale shit.

The Wii attracted people at a glance, but it took us a rather long time to have many people understand the value of the Nintendo DS.

…………………To call you an fuckwit would not only be a waste of precious breath, but also an insult to fuckwits worldwide. The DS launch didn’t have shit that people actually wanted to play. It’s not understanding anything! YOU NEED SHIT ON THE DAMN SYSTEM THAT PEOPLE WANT TO PLAY YOU STUPID PRICK! What piece of ass cheese did you have at launch!?

Super Mario 64 DS!? I guess people didn’t understand the value of OOT3D considering it ripped your asses to shreds to go for a price drop. Asshole.

Our in-house development team will create Nintendo-like unique games on our own and various games with the help of second-party development companies. However, this is not enough to have a large variety of games, and we have to do something to strengthen our lineup.

How about NOT FOCUSING ON (lol) “Nintendo-like unique games” you fuckhead!? WE DON’T UNIQUE SHIT! What the hell was unique about Okami!? It’s art style and you have to use a paintbrush for special attacks. It bombs 2wice. Clover gets shut down. And Capcom made a spinoff for no reason.

What is with these Japanese developers that think unique video games sell!? Is this the REAL reason we’re getting a YOSHI YARN GAME!? I honestly believe so. Kirby Yarn sold like piss even though those hardcore gamers will deny it with it’s piddly 1 million sales. Half these hardcore gamers have been raised on the “just enough to get by” school system, they can’t even comprehend how much money you need to amass for this industry. Nintendo is doing Yoshi Yarn because they want to. It doesn’t matter how successful something is. Fire Emblem sells LIKE SHIT and yet they STILL want to make more of those games. And have all the balls to do a collaboration with Shin Megami Tensei. I smell failure right on target.

“The Wii U is a game console you can enjoy most with the Internet connection and the current Internet-Connection ratio is 74%, which means that almost three of four consoles have been online already. This is clearly higher than the previous hardware system we released. We will continue to inform our consumers about the advantages of using the Wii U consoles online to further increase this ratio.”

Translation: We are going to pester the ever loving SHIT out of our customers to use EVERY feature of the console! Even if they don’t want to use it!

“One of the unique qualities of the Wii U is the Wii U GamePad, a new standard controller with a touch screen. We think that, together with the high Internet-connection ratio I referred to before, the controller has the potential to make TV smart, innovate the relationship among the TV, Internet and video game console, and then expand the TV-based entertainment in living rooms.”

Why the fuck does this matter!?

How the hell do you make TV “Smart”?! I’ve never heard how this can be done! I don’t want TV based entertainment! TV IS SHIT TODAY! The only thing I want is some bad ass games for this overpriced console!

Did anyone after launch use the PS2 for dvds? Did ANYONE use the bluray feature on PS3? Did anyone care about Blu Ray? Obviously not if Sony was swinging dead last in the “console war”. Nintendo, NO ONE is going to buy the Wii U for some punk ass gimmicks! I don’t want to enhance my TV viewing experiences. I want BETTER VIDEO GAMES!

“Needless to say, the primary use of Wii U is to enjoy video games.”

Bullshit. To understand the value… wait.

“We believe that, however, these kinds of services will help people widely understand the unique value of Wii U and increase the number of people who are interested in Wii U in a family and eventually lead to a bright future of this console.”

Yeah, save my black ass the trouble of being your broken record!

LMBAO! He keeps saying the same thing about “uniqueness”! It’s like Nintendo has become so insecure about their self-worth in the world, they can only FORCE people to see how CREATIVE they can be by making junk no one cares about!

“Thinking of diversion of web services, creation of prototypes and development of independent label games, it has become more important to expand the range of software developers.”

Diversion is the key word, because I don’t want web services like this on my game console!

FUCKING GOOGLE!?

Oh, thank you for saving me money! I REFUSE to purchase any product that Google is a part of in any way. The mere fact that Nintendo is in bed with Google makes my piss boil.

1. They try to force you to use your real name on Youtube.

2. They illegally spy on you using street scanners and internet tracking technologies. And then sell the info to government agencies. I have enough reason NOT to trust the government, and seeing as Google is in collusions with them, this is gonna make buying a Wii a bit difficult.

3. Understanding that this is an application means it’s possible that it can be deleted. I don’t know. But seeing as I’ve tried to get rid of Google Chrome when my Sister moved out at one point, that won’t do a lick of good. Some random ass program called “Google update” keeps trying to install some shit on my PC. I don’t know what the hell this random shit that I manually delete to get rid of  keeps trying to put on my computer, but it annoys the hell out of me. And Google has some of the most unethical means of trying to fish out information from you, it gets to the point that I am now paranoid. Google is goddamn everywhere trying to figure out as much about you as possible.

Which…. actually brings up a question. Iwata kept going on and on and on about trying to force people to understand the value of the Wii U. And google has unethical means of tracking information on billions of users worldwide. Could Nintendo… possibly be trying to get some deal going to spy on it’s own consumers to see why they aren’t buying their pieces of shit? What sites are they going to to get their info on the Wii U and how Nintendo could use their lawlyers to shut those sites down?

……Nah, I’m thinking about it too much.

“Thank you for listening”

Thank you for not.

So, the only reason that people don’t buy Wii U’s is because they just don’t “get it”. So basically we can go ahead and say the Wii U is to gaming as Scott Pilgrim is to Movies? UhHuh, ok, good. The closest Iwata ever came to a brain storm is a light drizzle. I can’t believe this one guy is so intent on denying that the Wii U just doesn’t have good games. Iwata can’t even bullshit people so easily.

I think this whole business briefing is a PR stunt.

1. Why would Nintendo post it up on their official website for the whole world to see!? I’ve never heard of any company doing this. These “briefings” would only be seen on random forum or blog posts.

2. Why would Iwata admit fault in meeting business goals and then put the blame on consumers just “not getting it”?

3. Why is there a fucking sequel to Luigi’s Mansion!?

4. Why do they keep talking about the Wii U’s pointless features that no one is buying the damn shit for!? It’s blatant advertising.

I think it’s clear at this point. Nintendo has lost their fucking minds. Or Iwata needs to get ejected from the pilot seat because he’s steering this company into twin towers.

We announced a collaboration title of the “Shin Megami-Tensei (Japanese Title)” series and “Fire Emblem” series which ATLUS and we are cooperatively developing. As the developing cost of games for home consoles has been high, it has been very difficult for third-party developers to take a risk by developing games only for one home video game console. We therefore have had various discussions with software developers for the projects.