Archive for March, 2017

As the Power Rangers movie finally comes out, I figure what better way to hype my inner 7-year old by… well… playing some Power Rangers games. Stupidly enough, I went mobile for that venture and downloaded Power Rangers Dash. That and I finished watching Dino Charge and can safely say kids today got the better show. Mighty Morphin ain’t shit compared to it.

Anywho, surprise, it’s another auto-run game that is… surprisingly fun… for about 2 days before the enemies become monstrously cheap and harder to kill, requiring me to farm E-Coins to level up all of my unlocked rangers individually. That combined with the requirements of unlocking shit are around the 10s of thousands of E-Coins and/or G-Coins which are hard as piss to aquire without cash, and accumulating E-Coins can take forever if you’re simply going through the same levels over and over. Completing new stages nets you tons of money, but if you’re stuck, you can maybe earn up to 900 E-Coins each playthrough. Then ofcourse they have this… thing… stamina shit that has to recharge completely every 50 minutes if you want to play it again (yeah, the game is a fucking nanny), I went on ahead and just deleted it. That’s bullshit overkill.

It’s like… how many games can you go through before you realize the samefucking. .. problems keep showing up? I keep trying to start up a post on MGS5, but it feels like a repeat of Inquisition. More grinding and farming bullshit just to progress. This seems to be the norm nowadays for progression in videogames, and it’s killing my love for this shit. The library of mobile shit is beyond saturated with this nonsense, I can see why the hardcore despise it all the same. 

But then this type of progression is popping up in console games. If it’s openworld, it’s jam packed with so much time wasting bullshit…. goddammit, what the fuck was wrong with how MGS2 played? Is there any reasonable justification that a 20 minute cutscene is inferior… to grinding a sector of your base to a certain level before you can use a fulton device to pick up a random truck while being sandwhiched by 2 tanks and fuckin ninjas omg fuck that mission!  

Sorry. Its just… combined with how long it took to upgrade everything (having to build housing first just to gain more people, and then I needed high quality peeps just to increase the level while needing to look for random materials just to build all of that shit) is a pain in the ass. Same shit with Inquisition, Dead Island Riptide, it feels like… almost every game now is about the constant repetition of farming and grinding, and I question how developers can even ponder what makes a hamster wheel fun.

For a while, i’ve had people talk about me having an unhealthy obsession with fighting games the past generation. .. which… might’ve been true years ago, but these days… It’s the only genre I can enjoy as it gets to the fucking point. I don’t have to grind levels or farm currency,  all I require is a little practice. I used to enjoy racing games before the ability to upgrade cars became a thing. Now we have racing games that take hours before they can be fun as you have to improve your cars before you can actually compete!

And the mobile scene, godammit, there isn’t a single game without a progression system tied to currency. And that amounts needed to improve are deliberately high to drive you to pay money. Otherwise, it’s a slog through it all.

I feel as though i’ve said this over and over… fuck it, I have. I’m losing my damn mind. I’d rather go back and play shallow ass boom blox than MGS5. This open-world fetish is nothing more than developers tea-bagging you with a bunch of time-wasters that may or may not progress the actual game. “All filler, no thriller” indeed. Nevermind that the game reminds me that im only what… 28% complete after beating Amma knows how many missions, and im thinking… you split this shit into 2 games, it doesn’t need to be any longer!

But see, it’s getting to a point where I find myself sounding like all those reviewers that bitch about sky beams in modern super hero movies. It’s a problem that doesn’t seem to be going away anytime soon, and i’m constantly thinking what is the point of buying games anymore? Or downloading free shit on mobile, even? I can’t see how anyone can enjoy this sort of repetition. I doubt the developers even think about what makes games enjoyable anymore and do all they can to artificially make games longer by virtue of time-wasters, they don’t understand how long, drawn out avenues make the games boring for long stretches. 

But hell, why would they care? That vid Heat showed me with developers having conferences with boards saying “the customers are not always right” speaks volumes. I’d almost think this shit continues because developers despise their audiences. Who knows anymore? Or just skinnerian design for mobile to push people towards paying for digital currency in the most asinine ways possible. If all games in the future push towards this kind of format, how long do you think they’d last?

I hope this movie is halfway good.


The Forces of Mania

Shit title aside, I must say it’s getting frustrating as any real hard info on these 2 so-called “new” games is more elusive than a DS3 that works longer than 2 months.

The Sonic Panel from last week was not only cringe-worthy to sit through, but gave no real info aside from hastly thrown together bosses, a delay, and a name change. Not to mention a bunch of time wasters like Voice Actor interviews nobody gives a fuck about, the plastic statue we’ve seen months ago, “humorous” videos, and literally no time for Q&A. Almost like they planned that shit. It’s as though they’re becoming too fearful of any backlash they could get, hence the lack of transparency. 

In either case, there’s still nothing to talk about outside of wild speculation for Forces, as Sonic Mania has all but lost my interest and seems to be made for people desperate for Sonic to be great again. The Hardboiled Heavies, in all their unimaginative and unimpressive splendor, are enemies created with a nostalgic touch to make the game feel even more retro and self-indulgent than it already is. And all for what looks like, as Danido put it best, Egg-Robo Reskins.

With all the artwork that’s come out, this is starting to look more like Mega Man 9&10, 2 titles created only to assuage the ego of one Keiji Inafune. Only this time packaged in with more old ass zones. Im pissed beyond belief that they did not touch upon the Zone Ratio of Mania at all. But hey, here’s Flying Battery for all you awesome fans! Now there’s a garbage disposal section!  Fuck yearh! Game got delayed for dat, yo! Iz ya hyped!? Iz ya excited!?

But what gets me is the borderline assurance these assholes have about themselves that borders on pretentiousness. The audacity to get up on these tables and act like clowns for half the panel, trying to put on some “show” and believe people will take any of this BS seriously is insulting. The raphog from 2014 is the perfect mascot for Aaron Weber and his crew. It displays a character who’s fame had diminished greatly, and in order to appeal to the youth of the present, he tries to rap! These days, appealing to the youth of today means trying to be hilarious! Because hell, if President Dump and Tony Stark can both get away with being condescending assholes, then so can Sega. And the reward at the end of all the embarrassing showcases are some posters that are merely used to prove your vanity & worth as a Sonic fan and nothing more.

So what can we discuss about Forces since that is starting to look better than Mania despite all the red flags? Well aside from a moderately decent theme song, it looks no better than Sonic Generation. That honestly isn’t a bad thing as there are people who do infact enjoy this gameplay style, and the lack of a targeting crosshair popping up to indicate you can do a homing attack is a huge plus. This one Zone is reminiscent of Westopolis from Shth with all the flying debris taking the place of those meteors. It doesn’t look nearly as apocalyptic as Sega was hyping it, but it’s better than nothing.

 I am annoyed that wisps have returned and that boosting is once again dependent upon them. There’s no good reason, content or otherwise, to continue using Wisps in any manner. They’re completely out of place here. They were introduced as the gimmick for Sonic Colors, but they were at least the main focus of the game! We don’t even know what thefuck is going on in this title and already bombarded with the realization that Wisp Powers will have to be used to collect red rings for the inevitable fetch quest. 

The only assuring thing is that Forces doesn’t seem like an experimental fuck fest, and they’re utilizing what already works well enough to make the game, even if it is just cramming in recycled gameplay elements from both Colors and Generation. Not a peep about Retro Sonic’s role outside of “it’s just there” screams “just thrown in there for good measure”. 

That’s the one real hope, though. Sega is now back to using elements that made Sonic a unique franchise instead of listening to the Nintards and trying to assimilate Sonic into Mario’s shitty puzzle platforming shtick. Even if it is just narcissistic self-indulgence at this point. Forces at least seems like it wants to be a fucking game, at the very least. But again, I need more to work with.

It’s really hard to count how many “Heavies” there are, as that is supposed to determine how many new zones there will be. I’m guessing five atm. I will say that Act 2 of Green Hill looks nice, even though it’s a 2D variant of the one we got in Generation. 

Rotfl. Even dashie isn’t enjoying the Switch.

And here’s a game that excites my sister for no discernable reason. Tetris and Puyo Pop (Or Mean Bean Machine for those who like better sounding names) are having a crossover. Why? I have no idea, but she won’t shut up about it. Apparently there’s about 16 characters, 8 on each side…. this is stupid! What is the point of mixing these 2 games into 1?

 I probably wouldn’t be talkin that shit if Mean Bean Machine was any good. Probably one of the more frustrating puzzle games to have ever been made. Half the time it feels more luck based with garbage dumps randomly dropping in areas that may or may not fuck up your current set ups. Plus there’s the whole requirement of needing to match 4 colors rather than standard 3. Either that or the computer was a cheating bastard… or my sister was a cheating bastard. How she beat that shit way back yonder is beyond me. Tetris is fine, and would be particularly easy to destroy Puyo players as it’s easier to set up lines rather than drop patterns. 

You know what would’ve kicked monumental ass? If they included mother fuckin Panel de pon! Or Pokemon Puzzle League. That was the shit! Unlike most puzzle games, this one was less about luck and more about speed. Call it a non-shitty bejeweled if you will. You have all the freedom to rearrange every block in your space to where you need it to be, and could literally flood your opponent’s space with so much shit, they wouldn’t have time to think. Man, if they included that… the Switch would’ve been an option for me. I’d have my Panel shit, she’d have her Puyo shit… that’s a definite dream match, no pun intended! Oh the wasted potential..

Hell, w/e happened to Panel de Pon? You’d think with Nintendo’s puzzle obsession, they would keep making those games. Or maybe they are and in typical Japanese fashion, hording it for themselves. With the excuse that it wouldn’t sell in the west despite it being familiar territory for these cocksuckers. 

It would’ve made more sense to put Panel de Pon against Puyo Pop as they’re both color matching games from 2 (former) rival companies. Tetris could have been like a bonus for people who know fuck all about the other 2 games.

There’s…. literally nothing out for the Switch to talk about aside from Bomberman. FAST rmx looks good though.

Hurry up March 16.

For those who have never heard of them, Review Tech USA is one of the few YouTube channels that makes any sense these days when regarding videogames. A lot of their/his videos make very sound and rational arguments for a majority of issues that it’s literally impossible to argue with the man. And admittedly, this one is no different. 

This is the first time I’ve heard of it, but Breath of the Wild will have DLC. One of which is already available as season pass shit. I’ve heard the prices for these packs are at least $20, which is some bullshit

Including a difficulty mode which reeks of Gearbox levels of nonsense. My stance on DLC is pretty much known, but according to a mildly recent vid from RTUSA, there are thousands of people that are infact pissed about this. Here’s the original video.

Now, his argument as you’ve seen, is more about why people would throw other companies a bone when it comes to DLC but not Nintendo. And despite  some evidence to the contrary (Capcom, Sega, EA), it’s a valid question. People are eager to play devil’s advocate far too often when it comes to these practices. It becomes frustrating that no matter how much you kick & scream, there’s about a million assholes who swallow all this shit up without so much as a peep. And when Nintendo gets into it, then people have a problem with it, yeah it is bullshit. 

Except. .. it’s really not bullshit. “Can someone explain this to me?”

Nintendo attracts a certain kind of audience, different from Sony and Microsoft. The players that go for Nintendo obviously are not attracted to what I call the industry-standard.

Nintendo really did this to themselves. Since the GameCube and especially during the Wii eras, Nintendo established themselves as the anti-industry company. As anti-hardcore. If you went to Nintendo, it’s because you’re looking for a different experience. You wouldn’t be fucked in the ass by developer schemes like what we are seeing with BOTW.

Nintendo offered consumers a different avenue when it came to videogames, and people were convinced (however briefly) that Nintendo would maintain that attitude in the face of the industry and of the hardcore. I think Iwata said it best. We either change the way we do things in this industry, or continue on the path to oblivion. This is why Nintendo was this “special snowflake“. They generated this expectation that they would handle videogames differently.

With the Pii U, we saw Nintendo abandon the anti-industry attitude. Suddenly, there’s an assload of DLC for Smash 4, which was never brought up, I’ve not heard one complaint about this game or Mario Golf having DLC. Then there are the Amiibos which are physical DLCs. And here we are now where the Switch is looking more and more like a standard industry machine. Upgradable harddrives, expensive ass controllers, and season passes. All things that are currently present on PS4 and Xbone.

I believe people see this as a betrayal. Nintendo turning their backs on the people who wanted a different experience from the typical industry-standard. Nintendo abandoned their audience to join in with the rest of the industry crowd. Soon, we can expect Nintendo to start selling games that are only half complete only to charge you extra to get the rest of the product. You can expect the cartridges to contain data that you cannot access without paying for a download key. It’s a slippery slope no one wanted Nintendo to fall on.

So now you no longer have an avenue to enjoy videogames without the industry-standard. Even the PC is getting raped in favor of consoles. With Nintendo’s assimilation into the industry-status, we are seeing the end of an era. Where a pure gaming company (the last ones to ever maintain a console) become a pack of suits looking for easy money. There is no avenue for people looking for anti-industry gaming anymore. They now have 2 choices. Either accept the industry standard, or leave gaming altogether. 

It’s more than just a “company trying to make money”. I’m so over this goddamn argument. What weight does it hold anymore? It’s a fact of life, all companies are about making money. It goes without saying! But such… simple statements justify fracking, the BP oil spill, Firestone Tires having slave-like conditions in Africa. It’s the lengths these fucks are willing to go to make their money that is a concern for people. Nintendo could make big money without resorting to DLC, period. This was proven from N64-Wii and was almost entirely thanks to their handhelds that they survived this long. Their only excuse for resorting to Season Passes is because they lost a lot of money from their last consoles (3DS and Pii U). Both of which were a result of their own arrogance. In the end, we will have to pay (literally) for their mistakes. 

 So with that in mind, people are justified in being upset. No one wanted Nintendo to go in this direction with their games or consoles. Now you gotta pay for online and extra content, gaming is purely for the rich now. There’s no avenue for people who want anti-industry games anymore. Either accept it or leave. Nobody wants to stop playing games, but no one wants to constantly put up with bullshit anymore. And the industry won’t budge. So Nintendo going industry status foreshadows dark days ahead. What we have now is a countdown to a crash. 

And again with the space issue. Switch having this little memory- lemme try a… simple statement. YOU DON’T NEED TO BUY THE FUCKING DLC! Ofcourse, that negates everything we talked about.

Sorry for the lack of activity. (or am I?)  I was trippin after last Wednesday as I found a goddamn cavity! I ain’t nevah had one my whole life and I was freaking out. “By the balls of Ra, there’s a hole in my tooth!!!” But I got that shit straightened out on Monday and my dentist anxiety is over… for now. I’m just glad I didn’t have to get it pulled. That’s a whole paragraph dedicated to shit no one cares about.

Anywho, I’ve become something of a baby sitter after deciding to make peace with my neighbors. These 2 kids got stuck with a Pii U and only 2 games. NSMBU and Smash 4. After about 2 weeks of being begged to play this shit, I can safely say… Smash 4 was actually playable compared to Brawl. I officially hate everything Fire Emblem now, and Mega Man is totally shit. There was one thing I was missing from Brawl, and that was Solid Snake. 

Snake was a complete badass in Brawl. Not exactly good in close quarters, but the nuances of trolling every other character in the game with explosives alone was fun beyond belief. And he felt so out of place (he was too manly for this game :P) that I just had to use him. And hell, since most of my characters from Melee got nerfed to shit (*sniff*…..Ganon..) I couldn’t go wrong with him.

I admit….  I never played a Metal Gear game prior to Brawl. Actually no, I did try Metal Gear NES on an Emulator, hated it, and ditched it. It was too easy to get caught by enemies in that game. Not like the MSX2 version where stealth made sense. But all of the Solids, no.. at least until the Beginning of February. 

I found this Legacy collection at a gamestop. Wasn’t exactly cheap, but didn’t cost an arm and a dick like the Metroid Prime Trilogy. Most people might hate them, but I love picking up retro collections. Saves me more money to pick up multiple games in one package,  and gives me a chance to get in on shit that I missed out on during my tenure as a Nintard. And this pack was to have everything. The original 2 Metal Gears from MSX to the MGS trilogy, VR missions, and the semi-recent MGS4. I assume this was to acclimate new fans to MGS5 or w/e… get caught up, that kind of shit.

But oooooh these notorious shit birds actually ran a scam. Exhibit A!

All of this shit implies that MGS1 is included in the collection. It’s name along with the vR missions (w/e the fuck those are) pops up all over this collection, giving you the distinct impression that you could enjoy an entire saga’s worth of games.

Instead of that, I get this shit.

There’s a goddamn access code. This is supposed to be a retro-collection, right? Why the fuck do I need to unlock 2 old ass PS1 games in a collection where it’s fucking advertised as being included in the collection!? 

That’s not even the best part. When you pop in the disc, it comes up as “Metal Gear Solid HD Collection”. This collection that came out years prior to this “Legacy” shit. I skipped out on the HD Collection because it didn’t have MGS1 originally. Instead it had some dyke ass PsP game that was tailored toward Monster Hunter fans, who the fuck wants that shit? I don’t want no PsP remaster-

Actually. ..

But seriously…. they… repackaged…. a repackaging of old games! And then had the balls to resell that shit, and requiring you, the customer, to verify if the game was bought new before you can get MGS1! Holy shit! That’s vintage dickishness right here. Who does this shit for a repackaging of old fucking games?

Not to mention that if you have no internet to get that shit (like moi), you are left without crucial details in understanding what the fuck is going on in MGS2 & 4. It’s like that 4th game is taunting me constantly.

Maybe Konami is a bigger shitlord than Nintendo! I don’t know any developers that would pull some shit life this! Well, no, there was that Far Cry collection that wouldn’t give you Blood Dragon without a verification code… was that Ubisoft? They can suck my ass too. Cause this is bullshit. I’m getting real sick of companies assuming everyone has internet. Half the time, it feels like the internet is being forced upon you. It can’t just be a perk in video games, it’s literally required to enjoy anything gaming related. And even if you’re cool with that, you can’t bullshit me on this. There’s no excuse for false advertising. The damn game should’ve been on the disc.