Tag Archive: ratchet and clank


I play black dude. Die like BITCHES!

Despite my furious anger at Gearbox, I still had an inkling of interest in the Borderlands series and wanted to check out the first game, so going by their greatest fears, I had found a GOTY version in the used games section of a Gamestop. Despite all the hype surrounding the whole “first game better than last” syndrome of the fandom, I stood my ground that I was going to hate this game with extreme fervor. As an FPS developed by these scoundrels, it is impossible for-…….holy nutballs, this game is FUN!

It was almost inconceivable. I couldn’t believe how easy it was to find so many legendaries in such a short amount of time. It was also amazing how the weapons were actually USEFUL! In BL2, I was constantly bombarded by living bullet sponges who could absorb everything that wasn’t a perfect critical shot. The game was utterly ridiculous with it’s enemies pumped full of a wretched amount of health and defense. If you weren’t playing a sniping based Zero, your odds of survival were dramatically decreased. And obnoxiously enough, the game had the nerve to toss in enemies with virtually no weakpoints (Big Game Hunt especially) so you were destined to fight a losing battle.

BL1? There’s no pressure at all to find weakpoints. Enemies seem to go down pretty quickly given your accuracy remains stable enough. Certainly, the enemies can still whoop yo ass without much effort (I’m dumbfounded by how ducking behind a rock still can’t protect me from getting nicked), but at the same time, they have very little health to fight with in the first place. Amazingly enough, I’m using some low level weapon I found early on… in the final boss fight! In BL2, you had to immediately ditch w/e weapon you found for another as soon as you go up a few levels in order to  remain competitive against your foes. But in BL1, anything goes. Just use w/e you have at your disposal and not worry so much about stats and more so about strategy! Some of it gets real abusable too.

I LOVE THIS DAMN THING!

The packed in DLC levels didn’t hurt either. Though most of them are quite disappointing, they re hilarious. General Knoxx getting pissed that he took orders from a 5 year old and kept bitching about it while sounding like an elderly Brock Samson from the Venture Brothers was gold. That doesn’t even begin to explain the better menu screens. Barely any lag in coop? Non-disorientating skill tree menu? Easier to find mission log? HELL YEAH!

What a FUCKING relief!

Then there’s the little things such as equipping character skills with different elements. If I wanted the turret or Bloodwing to be on fire or acid, VOILA and thats the fucking end of it! But noooooo, in number 2, the siren gets those perks! The only thing I could piss and moan about was the lack of corner maps to help find out where to go next, the lack of tangible story and how every environment is exactly the same damn barren wasteland/cave/junkyard, and how incredibly short it is, but if that’s the price for a more entertaining and fun ass game, so be it.

BL2 is, at this point, wasted potential. With all it’s bells and whistles, it’s ultimately buried under a pile of bullshit. Lame jokes trying to force memes on the internet (Catch a RIIIIIIIIIIIIIDE!), horrid drop rates for any decent weapon in a game where legendary gear is damn near a necessity for most cases, where you’re swamped with “Super Badass Loaders” at every occasion, the game is a complete chore to play in comparison to BL1. It feels like what Capcom did to RE6 and tried WAAAAAAAAAAY to damn hard to make it all “epic” and shit while making it such a drag that it comes crashing down on it’s own self-congratulatory vapid banal ego-driven content. BL1 is nowhere near as obnoxious as it’s sequel. Handsome Jack is still one of the best damn villains in gaming, though. Not to mention it’s actually what I wanted. A kind of Mad Max setting where you’re tearing through assholes trying to look for treasure, not some lame ass “resistance against the big bad corporate dictator” story that always seems to end up the same way in every plotline people come up with.

Unknown jackoff knows of corporation, doesn’t give a shit.
Corporation tries to kill said jackoff for non-specific reasons
Jackoff finds resistance and joins in because justice and… shit.
Jackoff and resistance does well for now.
Jackoff unintentionally leads corporation to the resistance hideout
Resistance is crushed and the leader’s (or significant person) life is now in danger. Jackoff initiates plan to rescue said leader
Jackoff defeats corporation in the process and saves the world.

Yeah, maybe not exactly the way it happened, but most of those details are damned accurate. At this point, it begs to be asked just how widespread this issue is cause I can’t be the only mother fucker in the known universe that sees the unmitigated shitstorm problem of why sequels are not living up to the expectations set by the first installments of their franchises. It is insane just how much disappointment I see in fanbases all across the board. Even the COD fanboys are just about tired of Activision’s bullshit. And damn sho, I’m tired of being disappointed by sequel after sequel where I’ve come to find that the devs or publishers schemed to completely fuck up some of the best franchises of all time, not just fucking them up, but destroying legacies by the dozen.

The utter banality that is the continuation of any franchise that started sometime in the 90s is literally impossible to escape, and it even seems that younger series that got their start in the 7th generation have already  gotten devs and pubs scheming to destroy their products with utter greed. We’re talking about an FPS/RPG hybrid that was completely fine in the first installment, but then some hippie asshole comes up and says that “our happiness is not profitable“! Afterall, in the religion of capitalism, keeping people in a state of anxiety and despair equates to creating demand for rampant DLC practices! So lets completely fuck up the damage scaling and make damn near every weapon you receive completely useless so that you’d be desperate enough to buy some Hunter upgrade pack just to be able to get through…. yet another unbalanced difficulty mode! And what would the reward be? Well, a collection of more useless fucking weapons! Well done!

Businesses that sell you things you actually need could get away with nickel and diming you for shit services because in your mind, you will actually need these services to go about your daily life. Junk entertainment is nothing you need at all. The crazy fucks in the industry, however, think they can get away with the same practices. Which is unfortunately working at the moment, seeing that most of the gaming public is now too terrified to leave their houses and buy things in a physical medium so that they have a semblance of ownership over their purchased products. So instead, everything is digital, even access to half the shit already on the CDs! Why is it that I can’t gain access to fighting game characters that are already on the game Netherrealm, Crapcom, Sony, etc? Afterall, 2 of these asshole factories had the nuts to release special editions with access to all the characters on the damn discs anyway.

Apparently, the game industry has gone MIA from the sanity department and jumped straight in a water filled with Great Whites as they ceaselessly destroy sequel after sequel in either an attempt to cheat you out of your money or to share a new “creative vision” that is in complete opposition to the wishes of the audience for no other reason than to attempt what could be considered selling teabags to customers who asked for Starbucks quality coffee! In no other entertainment industry have I ever seen a bunch of artistic douchbags imitate the insurance industries by fucking their customers over and over again while still expecting them to pony up for the impromptu involuntary ass fuckings.

None of this speaks louder than Nintendo’s desire to shove in as many assist trophies into Super Smash Bros. 4 in some vain attempt to apologize for not doing the logical thing and making some of those awesome assist trophies playable fucking characters! Have you seen most of the announcements for new characters come from the alternatively named pokeball characters are people who we’d actually prefer to be in this game over the Wii-fit assholes and the Village Idiot? Who’s that chick from Kid Icarus? I mean the last thing we need is a character worthy of being playable! No, lets shove that unholy bitch into statue format, and the audience had damn well better appreciate the fact that she’s at least given some “recognition” because…. in the depths of our own psyhosis, that’s all the nerds really care about! We saw it on GoNintendo.com, it must be true!

Start the water works!

Here’s a idea for you Sakurai, if the overwhelming amount of assist trophies are much cooler than the current roster you have for Super Smash Bros. then you have a problem and need to take your bitch ass back to the drawing board. Words cannot describe how utterly pissed I was when Lyn was announced as a goddamn trophy! Afterall, I needed more than just 2 piddly reasons (Ike and Sonic) to make up for the loss of my Mewtwo and the severely massive nerfs to some of the best characters (IE my Fox, Ganon and Mario) if only out of some misguided attempt to keep the game out of the hands of tourneyfags because you simply don’t adhere to their philosophy of playing to win. I don’t care what the reasons are. The assist trophies are a stupid addition to the series and only serves as an excuse for Nintendo to not do extra work on making more playable characters. Balance, you say? There’s no such thing in the world of fighting games! Either make them playable or keep them in the trophy menu.

Of course, I should expect no less from Japanese developers. These assholes would prefer nothing more than removing all semblance of player choice in video games altogether if it meant you playing the game the way they envisioned with no regard for your entertainment whatsoever. The Pokemon games could vouch for that with the amount of ways to obtain one pokemon vastly reduced to a limited and tedious process like Honey Trees or by trading with other people who may or may not have the Pokemon you desire. Or how about Resident Evil 6 with no regard for your desire to retrace your steps back to previous rooms in a game and have the mother fucking gall to place invisible walls in an auditorium so the only thing you can do is jump over a guard rail to initiate a fight against a mother fucking zombie T-Rex. Really crapcom? No wonder the gaming public ripped you a new asshole over the set piece ridden world of Resident Reposeful.

And the Jake and Sherry Campaign was the WORST fucking part of the whole title!

 

If it’s not the games that radically change all the elements of a game to fit their business or creative desires, it’s the sequels that change nothing but exemplify the WORST aspects of their prequels! What was the point of paying for Rayman Legends or NSMBU other than to have a graphically super version of the vanilla editions? This is laziness of the umpteenth degree! Not only does Rayman Legends not improve on anything Origins did, it also adds in little obnoxious bullshit gimmicks like Murfy so that you can solve puzzles while running away from a 1-hit kill firewall in a scripted running segment. I’ve never seen such disorientatingly horrific game design like this since Mega Man Network Transmission. There’s just some shit you cannot do in 2D platformers to rival 3D platformers in any way, what would you need to do so for? 2D Platformers are automatically superior by way of not needing to fiddle with the fucking camera, but you expect me to treat it like a 3D platformer by handing me 20 trillion smurf looking fuckers to find just to unlock, are you ready for this?…….. character skins. Not even cool ones, just a bunch of random shitty skins like “Lol character swapped color palettes”. That’s the best you can give me for a bloated fetch quest!? How about one of those hot bitches you took out from the last game being playable characters!? That’s motivation enough! Then again, I can’t imagine why I would bother unlocking them anyway, the main game is done and over with and as anti-climatic as that final boss was, it wouldn’t be worth the sex appeal anyway.

Holly Luya indeed.

Amma knows I was just about sick of Namco’s ass fuckings when concerning the state of the Soul Calibur franchise bursting it’s bubble of prosperity almost immediately after SC2 gave Zelda fans an actual Link that was so badass, he could rival the entirety of the SC cast just by having the strongest set of lungs in the world. Hey, here’s a grnd idea! Lets remove fan favorites like Kilik, Sophitia, Taki, Talim and hell lets toss the token nigga in the mix… and replace them with some bitch with a crystal ball and claws! It’s such a genius idea to invoke so many animu tropes in a game that was nearly void of any of that bullshit simply because, like every other japanese developer in the world, and focus on those goddamned otaku shit stains that aren’t even considered worthy of the air breathe! I can’t have Kilik because a monkey with a tapeworm is just that much more Kawaii to you asswipes? If I had to hear one more deathcry from him yelling “FOOOOOOOOOOOOD” for no other reason than to exaggerate his non-comical eating disorder, I will shit chain saws.

Lets not forget the idiocy of making Guard Impacts completely special move based and as complicated to remember because “we at Namco don’t value the absolute necessity for seasoned fans to get into a sequel because we want every game to be “unique” or some retarded shit” and then have the nerve to make guard impacts completely dependent on 2D fighting game logic of needing a goddamned fighting guage to activate the techniques. If SF3 Turd Strike necessitated super gauges just to pull off a single parry, the assholes at SRK would never ride the game’s nuts as much as they do. Soul Calibur is already far too lenient on button mashers in which the window for pulling off GI’s are too small now for some reason, now you remove their importance entirely for the sake of what fucking reason!? To make it “accessible” to newer players that DIDN’T buy the game anyway? Sure, we could take the bullshit about the game being rushed, but there was absolutely NO good reason to change the commands for character moves a SECOND/THIRD time in a row, or remove characters, turning Kilik and Sophitia both into mimics while also putting in Weapon Master making a totaly  of 3 different mimics, or making GI’s absolutely worthless and non-existent.

Soul Calibur 5 wasn’t rushed, it was made by some asshole on the Tekken team that wanted to literally kill the franchise if only so that he wouldn’t have to work on 2 different fighting games at one time. Nothing says this more than the inclusion of a “Devil Jin” soul in the CAS mode. Shameless promotion? Oh fuck no, this is Japanese passive aggression at it’s finest!

Even recent series that I start to get into immediately get fucked up, for whatever reason Ratchet and Clank Into The Nexus is such a bad game that I can’t bring myself to shut the hell up about it. If the inability to change the control presets and wretchedly short game length were no problem, then certainly it’s just how UN-Ratchet the game feels. There’s literally no comedy which was probably one of the major elements of the Ratchet and Clank series, turning the game into a more mild version of Sonic 06. Yes, I’m aware that Dead Space was a pretty popular survival horror game at some point, but Ratchet and Clank is not Dead Space! Putting “dark” areas in the game with eerie music and more fucked up looking villains that seem reminiscent of the Borg from Star Trek the Next Generation does not count as a Dead Space game! Especially considering that halfway through the game, the devs decided to ditch the “horror” element, w/e horror there was, and go back to a poor imitation of previous Ratchet and Clank titles without the funny or interesting environments.

By then, the game felt more obnoxious than cool, and the developers had the nerve to put in a museum of their past characters such as Drek or that guy from Deadlocked. And for some reason, the creator of the series feels the need to stamp his ass into the game in some vain attempt to gain creator god status amongst internet nerds so that he may be worshipped in the same way as Shigeru Miyamoto. Having a game that pisses me off with it’s wannabe AAA production values, buggy ass gameplay, shitty gimmicked Clank levels that you can’t skip and aren’t even remotely as fun as the clank modes in UYA or TOD, is not gonna warrant my lips stapled to your ass! The sheer self-congratulatory sequence of the museum right before the tedious “city under invasion” sequence reeks of “trying to hard to be epic” with what is one of the most anti-climatic final showdowns in the series yet. The final game in the Future series has no actual closure to the story of Ratchet’s separation anxiety from other Lombaxes in the series and could be mistaken for a mild spinoff. The only redeeming quality would’ve been the female villain that could actually be treated as a threat since Chairman Drek… up until the bitch gets captured and the game goes into the whole “what have I done” shtick of amateur writing that has pervaded the entertainment industry for quit some time now.

And I’m STILL seeing this fuckin movie, even though Ratchet looks retarded.

For once in this or last generation, I would like for a sequel that actually exceeds expectations instead of sending them shattering through the pits of the underworld where Ausar anxiously awaits to feed the souls of these horrid abominations to the jaws of Ammut. Ironically, the only sequel that manages to be decent came directly from Platinum Games. Yeah. Anarchy Reigns not only plays better than it’s Wiitarded cousin Madworld, but also has the decency to put itself in color so you wouldn’t get lost in the sprawling overworld mazes because every landmark you could find blends in too fucking well with the Sin City nut riding aesthetics. Add to it the lack of QTE styled death blows that got a little too repetitive for my tastes, and it’s an alright beat em up game that only suffers due to having only 4 stages and the same banality of needing to complete missions in order to gain a high score just to progress, making the game slower paced than Sonic’s Lost Mind! My one true hope, and I’m serious, is that if Guilty Gear Xrd comes stateside, it won’t be some ass fucked sequel as most other fighting games have become.

……..If this game does not kick ass…….

 

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Short, let down, and incredibly buggy, Ratchet and Clank Into the Nexus is proof that I must be cursed.

Any series I start to show interest in slowly starts to become ass for some reason. Resident Evil, Soul Calibur, Ninja Gaiden….. damn near everything I’ve played on PS3 that’s a part of  a series, really. Goddamn, I am so pissed at this game.

First off, this game as touted as some sort of “rap up” for the future series w/e the hell that means, but this game’s story doesn’t really rap up anything. It’s more like a side adventure that makes a few references to previous games like using a dimensionator to call forth nethers or w/e. The previous explained all of their concepts fairly well, but this game showed no desire to go beyond the narrative. ACiT? The Time Clock being the thing that stabilizes the fabric of time and space at the center of the universe. That’s epic, out there, big idea stuff! Nothing about the nethers are interesting as they’re just generic aliens with no motive than to destroy the world. And they’re less threatening than cuddles from A4O. The game starts off nicely, but ends off with the most anticlimatic ending out there. “That’s It!?” is the only thing that could echo in my mind.

Not only that, but that bitch Talwin is back. Why is she even in this game? Far as I can see, no one likes her. She had been useless since her very first appearance. Her non-presence was a plus to ACiT, but here she is to bug you about every little detail while she does absolutely dick for every inch of this game. Qwark has no purpose in this game either, though his screen time is short lived. It feels like there was literally no effort put into the story or the mythos this time around, and it expands on NOTHING from the previous games. Not to mention it’s length that makes it feel like a complete waste of time.

Gameplay wise, I’ve already talked about the controls, and while they aren’t a total hindrance, I do feel that “aerial combat” with the  jetpack was less than intuitive, and a giant pain in my ass. Overall though, aside from the fetch quests, there’s nothing else to do in the game after you complete it. Oh there’s an extra tournament, but after the 3rd time, it doesn’t have much fun factor seeing as all it does is give you stricter time limits to complete an objective and fight a repeat boss.

The overall game itself is basic Ratchet and Clank stuff, but it seems to play worse than previous titles, what with you only having the ability to shoot in one direction along with the netherworld segments that are few and far between. You get the feeling that there was very little work put into the game in comparison to… to fucking A4O even.

And…..the game has bugs up the ass. Sound delays occur frequently in the swamp planet, and I don’t know why it saves after every gargathon horn I collect. I’ve noticed that BS3 games tend to work better or worse depending on how the game loads or saves, and everytime this game saves anything, the sound effects start to delay heavily. I’ve also noticed that some hover boot ramps don’t work, so you might be speeding around one day and then fall in swamp water because the ramp wouldn’t launch you properly. Another thing is that enemies have a tendency to hit you with attacks even when you’re in a position which you can easily avoid the attack (like say they do a horizontal swing while you’re jumping, they have a few cases where they can still hit you).

But that’s not what really pisses me off. See, I went into the weapon shop, I’ve got like 6 weapons all maxed out already, and I decided to try out a few weapons I have yet to buy. I tried out the Nightmare box in it’s demo or w/e, but as soon as I exit out, the game freezes on me. So, I had to force the system to shut off. Now, here’s the bullshit. When I reload my save, I check my weapon inventory…….. my shit is GONE! All I have is a lv. 1 Combuster and that fucking Nightmare Box! I didn’t even BUY the damn thing! All my weapons are back in the shop, and I gotta rebuy them and upgrade them all over again!? Sonic 06 had better programming!

Nope, soon as I find that receipt, I’m getting my 30 bucks back. Shit. This game is ass, and I’m not talking about the well-toned female ass, I’m talking Kuma farting bear ass. The game gives off the feeling and sense that no real time or care went into it. Shallow story, only 2 real levels out of the whole damn game while everything else is some silly mission based scheme, and has a nasty bug infestation. And that smuggler is gettin on my last nerve!

I also like how everyone is ass-kissing this game because it’s cheap (in every sense of the word) and “the first real ratchet game since ACiT”. Bitches didn’t have to wait 15 WHOLE YEARS like the Mario fans did for a real Mario game.

And the writer for the series is gone too? Yep, so much for a Sonic substitute. Maybe I’ll have better luck with Sly Cooper. Watch out fanbase, you better hope I hate that series!

Perhaps….. I am cursed….. or something. It seems that when I start to really like something, the quality starts to dwindle overtime.

I played Ratchet and Clank: Tools of Destruction and thought that was one of the few games I really… REALLY enjoyed on the BS3. The action, the humor, and even the slight ounce of “drama”. But for the most part, the game offered a bit of freedom in how you deal with combat. I enjoy games that give you a multitude of ways to kill enemies like Metroid Prime 1. Afterward, I kinda went R&C crazy and found a couple of used games for under 17 bucks, and I bought the new title as well, “Into the Nexus”. Voucher for Ass Quest and everything.

Seems I need to pump my breaks for this series.

Now, Ass Quest (Quest for Booty) was a goddamn Zelda game, and was incredibly short. The issue with this game is the same thing that plagued Zelda and Metroid games. You have your items at the beginning but lose them for the sake of story. And you spend a large majority of the time solving puzzles. Joy.

Tools of Destruction had lots of stuff going for it. But the main thing that made it a winner was the lack of bullshit. ToD was nigh bullshit free. Aside from 2 lousy fetch quests that were… quite easy, the game was a breath of fresh air from all the bullshit that most so-called “platformers” would put you through. But what I really enjoyed was how the levels actually FELT like levels. You progress through long worlds taking on swarms of enemies and evading traps… you know, what an actual GAME feels like. The weapons are impressive in their ass whippin capabilities. The hornet swarm traps were the ultimate bitch-makers in this title.

Ass Quest kinda…….idk what the hell this game was trying to be, I can see why it’s nowhere to be found unless you buy Into the Nexus.

A Crack in Time wasn’t really bad, but it is inferior in many ways. Firstly, they went into this mission based level format. IE, you’re in some wide area doing work. Most of the time, it’s really just “enemies over here, kill they ass” which isn’t bad in itself, but why a mission thing!?

And don’t get me started on the Clank segments. Ohhhhhhhhh Puzzle City is what the Great Clock is! If not for the option to skip that bullshit, it would’ve been a bad title by then.  See, that’s how you handle puzzles, like a cutscene. Let the player have the free will to skip that bullshit. And you know the best part? People are actually DRIVEN to want to solve the puzzles this way. See, when you give someone an option in games, the players become more open minded to try them all. You know why? Because there’s no pressure on them to do any one thing before moving on to the next. But yeah, there should’ve never been any puzzles in this series, even with my limited experience with it.

Otherwise, Crack in Time is…. ok at best. I do see that there’s more replay value than in Tools of Destruction via quests and the search for Zoni and mods, but that’s typical bullshit I have no patience for these days.

All 4 One was my first Ratchet Game, so after playing all those other titles, this one is DEFINITELY worse than all of them (sans Ass Quest). Especially with the imbalanced damage for weapons. I don’t know who designed that game, but dat bitch needs some damage patches. Tired of depending on the Critter Strike.

The problem with these games are not so much content (there’s more consistency here than in Sonic games, that’s for sure), but with unnecessary gameplay changes that are detrimental to fun factor. The addition of puzzles like Clank’s segments in ACiT are for intricacy’s sake rather than an actual challenge. I’m willing to forgive it because it can be skipped, but it can’t be excused for any reason. But what I do not enjoy were the “missions”. Platformers and missions don’t belong in the same sentence. Mission objectives or whatnot take away from your enjoyment via sending you all-over the world by needing to “seek and destroy” certain enemies or needing to quickly press certain switches in a specified order under 35 seconds, or even having to find some seeds to plant them just so they can grow in the future. It’s all for the sake of “intricacy” and “cleverness”, signs that the developers may be growing pretentious or feel pressured to compete against Nintendo for some reason.

That brings me to Into the Nexus. The latest game in the series that actually changes more than the gameplay. Even the CONTENT feels different in some way. While I have yet to complete it, it’s best to describe the game as being more “serious”, than previous titles. What little comedy it has seems to be diminished by the game’s overall tone and atmosphere. It feels as the game is going more for dread than Pixar.

Tools of Destruction and Crack in Time had a natural balance between the light and the shade. While it was comical at best, it could also be dramatic at best. Tachyon was a midget who was also quite clumsy, but man did he make Ratchet feel like shit with all the smack talking about “I killed yo peoples, whatcho you bout to do?!” or Azimuth with his own desires to revive the Lombaxes while at conflict with Clank’s duty to make sure no one uses the Time Clock. Something that Lost Mind FAILED HARD to do with the conflict with Tails and Robotnik with Sonic in between. They built it up over time, see. But even with all the dramatics, the games were still very light-hearted. They can get serious and laid-back at their own pace. Kids games do well when they treat the kids like adults and not retards (see Winnie the Pooh).

On the other hand, Into the Nexus doesn’t seem interested in striking a balance as the game comes off more serious and….. “spooky” if that makes sense. Especially when you get to the orphanage with all these drawings of eye-balls and what not. It’s slightly disturbing when you’ve got this crazy bitch who worships a giant eyeball and all.

But since I’ve only started, I can’t say much on content. The mechanics, however……

Lets just say switching up the CONTROLS for no reason other than intricacy has completely pissed me off. Now if I want to toss my wrench, I need to use L1 and Square instead of the more familiar R2 combo. And I can only fire weapons exclusively from R1 while Circle has no function beyond intricacy. This is a dick move. You know how when you work with a certain printer at work, and you know how it works well, but then the bosses change the printers? That one change might seem harmless, but it’s enough to drive people full blown batshit. People LOVE familiarity with controls in sequels and a series because it means they can jump right in without the need to relearn how to play the game. With Sonic games, you’re always relearning how to play the games because Sega is an asshole factory. Everyone was ADAMANT in using GC controllers for Smash Bros Brawl due to that familiarity. One of the biggest advantages of the playstation brand is that the controllers themselves never change in design. So even if you go into a new playstation, you can feel right at home as the controller is the same.

That said, WHY THE FUCK DID THEY CHANGE THIS!? I’ve used and abused the Circle because it’s much more intuitive as this series was not a 3rd person shooter. But that seems to be what they’re shooting for as you cannot shoot in any direction anymore either. You can only shoot toward whatever the camera is looking at. And there seems to be no way to change this. Previous titles gave you different control “styles” to accommodate players who prefer to play in a certain way. For this game, you need to be accustomed to 3rd person shooters, no exceptions. And 3rd person shooters are AWFUL games.

With this, it’s clear the game is some kind of Dead Space Parody. You have the more “serious” tone, the “scarier” and more disturbing atmosphere, and the controls of a 3rd person shooter. And a reduced frame rate so the game looks slower as well. This would’ve been….. ok had it not been for the “intricate” gimmicks they have for this game. The oh so great rift points. Basically, these pink circles on the walls are things you have to use to get around. What you have to do is find 2 of these things pointing at each other and using a rift gun, shoot them to connect them to each other and create some sort of gravity bridge that pushes you from one point to the next. Simply put, you’re creating gravitational ziplines. This wouldn’t be so bad if they weren’t all over the damn place and they’re used for more goddamn puzzles. There are points where you have to make multiple rifts or w/e and then jump from one to another. The problem is sometimes you have to make rifts while you’re in mid-rift or before a time limit goes out. I’m certain it’s going to be a lot more obnoxious as I go through.

Another gimmick they have which is actually kinda fun is the netherrealm parts with Clank. If you played a game like Metal Storm on the NES, it’s basically like that. You flip gravity around so you can traverse dangerous pits and manuveur around enemies. Though it seems it’s only available in the first world. Would’ve prefered more of those than those damn rift points.

Another annoying thing is you don’t get an abundance of money in this game like before, and raritanium is… well.. “rare”, so buying and upgrading weapons have to be done sparingly…. which wouldn’t be so bad if the game’s enemies weren’t pretty fuckin hard. I think I died like 5 times from those turret warriors, my loathsome adversaries. Top it off, you got ammo starvation. It’s like Metroid Prime 2 all over again, and that is NOT a good sign.

I’ll wait to complete the game before a final judgement, but so far, it’s not lookin good. Story is alright, at least you have a villain that’s interesting for once.

Good thing I don’t have to jump around much!

I’m always astounded at the sometimes complex criteria that people use to define what genre a game belongs in. Zelda, because the RPG elements are toned down, people consider the Zelda series to be mere Adventure games because there’s no presence of of your strength being based on visible stats. Castlevania games that have you exploring an overworld are considered “Metroidvania” while games like Grand Theft Auto are called “Sandboxes” for Amma knows what reason. The controversy over determining if Smash Bros. is a fighting game still rages on, just much more quietly. Metroid Prime is fought being an FPS or an “FPA”. In general, defining a game’s genre gets tiring.

See, the problem with gamers over the internet is that they’re obsessed with trying to define things, and while that’s basic human nature, gamers take it to an entirely new level of insanity. To define something is to easily identify and judge the quality of that something within the basis of a category. When it comes to movies, for example. We define martial arts films based on the obvious presence of choreographed fight scenes. For Action movies, gun fights and explosions along with big gruffy hyper-masculine male leads. We define romances based on how much pandering it does to female fantasies.

But then it gets a little weird when you start seeing “Romance-Comedy” “Action-Comedy” “Comedy-Drama” and all that jazz. Mainly, it’s the definition of an existing genre by simply combining it with another. If it’s advertised as an action movie with large amounts of comedy or romance, or has a hero that is not a John Wayne trope, it just “cannot” fit within the normal criteria and must be judged on a different level. In gaming, it’s the same thing, only more obnoxious. Action-Platformer, Puzzle-Shooter, Action-Adventure, Action-RPG, you get the idea. The problem is, unlike movies, there are so many games out there that have gameplay styles that aren’t so easily defined. You have the “Action” genre which could range from a shit load of different games including FPS’s and shmups.

There’s no real problem for this because if you’re into a certain type of a game, knowing how to define that game and differentiate that from the rest will help you in determining your next purchase. The problem is there are debates and fights started over the need to define the genre of a game.

That said, how in the hell do you define a platformer?

Don’t look at me! I have no idea!

Check this piece out. Knack is labeled as a platformer, and there is mention of “platforming” where you need to jump to different heights just to defeat enemies. However, the emphasis of the game is clearly centered around killing enemies to progress, meaning the platforming is only a means to an end. Not the point of the game. And for a majority of platformers, this is always the case.

What? I thought the point of this game was bustin caps!

See, most gaming genres are defined around the game’s emphasis. First Person Shooters are obviously emphasizing shooting every mutha fucka on the screen. Fighting games…. fighting. Puzzle games solving puzzles. Adventure games based on exploration and solving mysteries. However, for platforming games, there’s very little emphasis on actual platforming and more so about action (combat or otherwise).

Kirby would be considered a platformer, but considering the pink bastard can fly, there’s…. no real platforming going on.

Praise Amma they’re still making normal Kirby games, though.

If you’ve played any 2D game that involved a pint-size hero running, jumping, shooting or melee attacking enemies, chances are they’re labeled platformers. But do you really have fond memories of “platforming” in these games? Unless they piss you off, of course not. Your fond memories come from the action and thrill of combat. Taking on bosses and waves of enemies while evading traps and death pits. You KNOW what you’re getting into when you play an FPS, and your memories of that game will be based on that’s game’s emphasis as well as the content.

My memories of this game would be dat smexy sci-fi atmosphere!

You wouldn’t call most modern FPS’s “mission-based games” because you have to complete a certain amount of missions per level. That’s only a means to an end. The main idea is still blasting enemies over and over again.

In most cases, only Mario can truly ever be considered a platformer (at least the old 2D games, not this 3D puzzle fetch mess). Hell, the Classic Mega Man games could get away with that label considering all the bullshit Inafune and the gang pulled with those dissappearing blocks and what not. But otherwise, the mere fact that platformer is so often attached to another genre (action especially) is showing how truly difficult it is to define platformers. For all we know, the label is probably misused for a majority of games simply because there’s lots of “jumping” on stuff. It’s kinda like saying Metroid games are platformers because there’s lots of jumping on stuff.

It gets more obnoxious when people put games like Sonic under that category considering the severely lacking emphasis on platforming in virtually every game. I think the Sonic series had cursed every other game that comes out since Sonic was created in part to compete with Mario, thereby being labeled as a platformer… and every other game that comes out (like Crash Bandicoot or Ratchet and Clank, Sly Cooper, Ape Escape, what may have you) are directly placed in the platformer category by default. If that review of Knack is anything to go by, the platformer label is probably forced onto games that really don’t focus on the platforming at all. It’s misleading to gamers on a grand scale because gamers are obsessed with defining games as accurately as possible. So labeling something as a platformer will have gamers judging the game possibly based on a means to an end rather than it’s actual emphasis.

If the emphasis of Knack is in it’s combat and not it’s platforming, but it’s put under the “platformer” category, then you’re gonna have some pretty pissed off gamers because of that obsession to define games. Simply calling it an action game would be “too broad” but more accurate in it’s material.

This, along with the RPG category should be renamed or have reworked criteria for judging. Perhaps “jumper” because there’s lots of “jumping”. 😛

Fuck you, I’m trying the best I can.

Having bought a copy of Ratchet and Clank: All 4 One, I must say that I do not see the rampant hate for the game. Though the difficulty spike has gotten incredibly obnoxious around the ice world, it’s still a mildly entertaining game. Course, this is only my first Ratchet game so I cannot feel the rage that everyone else feels.

But one thing does make me rage. Well, 2 if you include the massive amount of puzzles in the game.

Before being able to play the game, there is an option called “cheats” right above the create game option. However, I am unable to use it until I complete the game first.

It’s been kind of a habit as of late with western devs to include intentional cheats to help players along in the game. However, you must first attend to some pre-requisites before you can acquire them. Time Splitters is a prime example of needing to fufill conditions for cheats.

And I ask… why?

Western developers have this idiotic tendency to co-opt all the cool shit from pre 96 video games and turn them into easter eggs/cute shit that you have to earn. First off, why the fuck do I have to earn the right to cheat? Ratchet A4O has the most worthless cheat function because by then, I would have beaten the game and have further use for them, because it’s not a game I would want to go through a second time. Time Splitters, I could stomach because the games were enjoyable 90% of the time.

But in general, this is a stupid idea. The reason why they’re called cheats is because they’re not intended to be used in gameplay, period. Cheats are usually exploits that, through player experimentation and pushiness, help you demolish your enemies in ways never imagined. Yes, we had the Konami codes and SNK did intend for cheats in the American version of Ikari Warriors, and yes, if you get your ass kicked in KOF13, they will give you cheats to help you out. That’s the key term. “Help you out”. You use cheats when you are having trouble playing a game and want an easier time. What sense does it make to make them available after you’ve fulfilled certain requirements?

Lets say, for example, you’re playing Tekken Tag 2. Hypothetically, there is a cheating option that allows you to disable the blocking mechanism of the AI in Arcade, Ghost Battle, etc. But it is locked, and in order to unlock it, you must fulfill the condition of being at a high rank (lets say grand master), and you have to beat arcade mode on insane first, with those bosses being the outright pain that they are (more on that in a different post), this is a most grueling task just to prevent them from blocking. So after you’ve raised your blood pressure and risked a heart attack, you finally beat the mode and got your free cheat. You ask yourself “was it worth it?”

After you’ve gone through the bullshit, there’s no point to the cheats anymore. Cheats are supposed to be helping tools, not rewards. If you were capable of beating the cpu on very hard mode without the cheat, then you would see absolutely no use for it. You don’t need them anymore.

Cheating as a reward has always been a stupid idea, and it’s unfortunate that it’s gotten to the point that companies are now, through the power of fucking DLC, are actually charging money for you to use cheats. It isn’t enough that you have to jump through hoops to get them, now they want you to dig into your bank account for them.

Unintentional cheats are BETTER for the player because if they manage to discover them, it makes the player feel smart and clever. That same cheat could then be shared with others to make their gaming sessions easier. Look at Pokemon. Where the fuck would 90% of everyone without an internet connection be without Action Replay and GTS exploits? You’d be missing out on event pokemon that aren’t even worth it. Making the cheats something you earn takes power AWAY from the players and keeps it in the hands of the developers, and that is not a good thing. It tells the player that he or she is not allowed to find ways around their carefully planned traps and must go about it a single way. If you want an alternative, you have to go through the intended plan first.

What better way to suck the joy out of cheats than to withhold them until the player has experienced the game “the way it was meant to be played“.