Archive for July, 2017

Asks the Ghetto-hog.

Another video in which he discusses how zee punk British asshole took down his video after getting 0 praise for…. hatin. And…its actually hilarious. The fandom is getting tired of this shit. You’ve got internet pseudo journalists creating all these false narratives to suggest that something is inherently wrong with Sonic games as a whole. At some point, people are going to get sick of it. 

But…. the American gaming industry mentality takes a while to mature. We still have people bitching about a camera angle that was changed to not focus on Rainbow Mika’s ass. Apparently, the industry still thinks it’s cool to shit on the franchise, and people are telling them “No, fuck you. After the last 4 years of Nintard pandering, We’re finally getting 2 games that’s made for the actual fans, taking after things we actually enjoyed, and you assholes are sitting here trying desperately to convince us it’s wrong!? Ain’t happenin!” For Tahuti’s sake, you had a pack of dumbasses trying to weave a narrative to suggest that the likes of Sonic 2 was bad. Yeah, IGN, I know, hell wit it. They were trying to convince you that The old Sonic games were bad based on pure lies. That’s how desperate they’ve gotten, these journalists are outright lying about these games. 

Hey, dipshit 1 uh… is it still cool to bash the Sonic franchise?”

“Idk, dipshit 2. Lets get a bunch of youtubers to claim that even the old Sonic games are bad, and see where that gets us! ALL HAIL THE STATUS QUO!”

But the question is why do they feel the need to lie about this franchise? Afterall, you’ve got assloads of material… ah, right. People are tired of bashing 06 now after 10 years, so lets jump on werehog! Lets ignore Lost Mind and Bust because those were “the happy Nintenwhore years!” See, they don’t want to admit that a Nintendo direction is detrimental to Sonic. It would be suggesting that Nintendo infact fallible. 

Aside from that, legit criticism of Forces is, oddly enough, rare. Shouts out to Splob for actually pointing out real issues the game has. Frankly, Soj not explaining as of yet why Retro Sonic is even in the game is bothersome. Otherwise, you get trolls. Maybe some Goblins and Orcs. They come up with dumbass reasons like “grimdark, reeks of werehog!” Or “2 fast 4 me”

But, enough of that. Silly as it is, GH pegs the question of why Nintendo and Sega fans can’t “get along”. Afterall, the companies themselves did.

Well first off, the Japanese divisions had no real beef with each other. Infact, most Japanese companies don’t see each other as competition or obstacles to overcome.  They all have this “We’re here to make Nihon great!” Mentality. Why do you think Jtoons keep promoting the power of friendship? The supposed rivalry of Nintendo and Sega arised from a marketing campaign by Tom Kalinske, who I remind you was thought of as an idiot by SOJ themselves. Japan doesn’t believe in competition against their own, or not as often as we do.

So technically speaking, Sega and Nintendo did not have any beef. The only ones I know that don’t like each other are Treasure and Enix over copyright issues. Poor Mischief Makers” This is exclusively an American phenomenon. 

Here’s the problem. Sonic the Hedgehog isn’t shit in Japan. Sonic’s popularity erected from the west. And a big reason why was thanks to the marketing campaign. A factor of Sonic’s fame did indeed come from the rivalry between NOA and SOA. So to remove that from Sonic’s core DNA and go on this Nintendo pride parade is one of the worst things you can do. At least for the west. Japan is so isolated from the world, they can’t bring themselves to give a shit about what makes games appealing internationality outside of reducing women to tits dragging around a body. Yes I’m a prude now, fuck it.

As far as actual fandoms getting along, never gonna happen. Nintendo fans,  especially the Nintards, are not interested in friendship with communities of different tastes. Internet gaming communities in general lack empathy for people. They’re too mal-adjusted for that. These People don’t want to surround themselves with other people who have ideals from them. It makes them feel lonely, like there’s less people out there who feel the same way they do. And as I’ve talked about earlier, if you end up surrounded by people who think less of you because you are different, you tend to be hostile towards others.

That and Nintendo fans were fucked with relentlessly by Sony fans so ofcourse they feel like the internet is a war zone. That being said, they also want easy targets to vent their frustrations on. And Sonic is the easiest target they can find. Afterall, the rest of the world no longer cares about Sonic, and those who do have nothing by bile to spew about, so naturally they feel emboldened to join in on the fun. And with idiots like Iizuka in charge, they don’t have to worry about losing their punching bag anytime soon. 

Nintendo fans picked up some baaaad habits from their Sony counterparts thanks to the Wii’s success. Supreme amongst all is their unbridled arrogance. They literally believe Nintendo can do no wrong. That tends to irritate people and make them hostile to Nintendo fans on principle. 

It‘s kind of a silly question, honestly. I think Ghetto-hog is trying too hard to not piss off people. Understand, when you’re dealing with the topic of gaming, that’s gonna happen. You will run into people that are psychologically incapable  of accepting a differing perspective. And thats good. Some fuckers need to get pissed off. That’s how some people grow up, honestly. That and people make a killing off of controversy. 

Either that or he needs subscribers for money. And to that I say…. w/e. Wait… wasn’t Youtube demonetized lately? 

There’s a huge Mania vs Forces climate right now and Pro-Mania people feel like they must shit on Forces to elevate Mania for some reason.


I am puzzled by the overt hatred this game is getting. Where was this bile when Lost Mind showed it had no logic to it’s content and was strictly a gameplay game? Where was this bile when Sonic Bust came out with a racially offensive Knu- … a horribly redesigned cast with no fucks given to quality control?

Actually, no. I think… the answer lies strictly with Nintendo fans. Afterall, the depths of their madness has reached critical mass and…. I believe I have an answer to that. Thy arrogance be quenched.

Recently, I watched a vid from ghetto-hog (the guy who raged on IGN twice about their hatred of the original Sonic games) as he did what was a reaction vid (can’t BS  what it is, man) on some punk British asshole named “Nintendo Life”, who made a video on why Sonic Forces is terrible. However, he spent the video spreading propaganda and forcing some comedic gestures to compensate for his lack of any real critique. It’s clear at this point that the internet isn’t even hiding it’s trollish behavior. They can’t even pretend their disgust is genuine. 

Why is that? This guy’s complaint is that Sonic is too fast. And I ask when does the stupidity end? One of the major selling points was that Sonic was the fastest thing alive. He was a tech demo to show the faster processing power of the Genesis, for Bast’s sake. Criticising Sonic for what it’s known for is an oxymoron. Then again,  Nintendo fans have terrible reflexes thanx to a steady diet of slow paced Nintendo games over the years that anything with more than 30fps scares the hell out of them. Why else would they be insane enough to proclaim that Brawl is superior to Melee? That would explain the half-baked praise of Colors and Lost Mind.

Ofcourse, he tries to inflate his credentials by saying he’s owned the Master System (A Game Gear), ignoring the fact that the Master System lacks any processing power close to that of the Genesis, that which Sonic was designed for. He also goes on to say the wisps provided no opportunity to use them… which means the wisps have been improved. Instead of being the situational powerups they’ve been for previous games, they’re now at the mercy of your own discretion. As well, he goes on to say that Mania is superior by default. .. just by showing a year old trailer. Yep! A mere trailer is an argument! And judging by ghetto’s comment about the dislike ratio, I think it’s safe to say the Sonic fandom is fed up with the Nintards. And good lawd, did he really bring up 06?

I missed the SDCC panel on Mania, but what they talked about actually gave me hope. So Robotnik’s machines are acting automa-…. autotono-… by their own free will. Generic as all hell, but actually gives this game something to work with. Hopefully Metal Sonic as a final boss? Also the prospect of a 3D special stage, while counter-intuitive, also gives me hope that they’ll reuse the one from Saturn 3D Blast…. why not?

But back to this Forces thing, it seems like most of the toxic Nintards have taken up their pitch forks and are crucifying the game every chance they get. You know something is wrong when the doggone CaC is coming under fire for merely existing. But…. I think I know why. For years and years, the Nintards have longed for Sonic yo be bought out by Nintendo. Not because they believe Nintendo can do better, but because they would feel some kind of victory was gained. 

During the N64 days, the Nintendo fans saw PlayStation as an insurmountable threat. No matter how many overrated Platformers from Rare they turned out, Sony just kept getting a larger and better library. When the 6th gen hit, Sega was knocked out of the console war and went 3rd. And then, America was shocked when Sonic games would start cropping up on Nintendo consoles. Some Sega fans were mortified and highly upset by this revelation, that Sega would dare sip tea with the enemy. Even so, Sega wasn’t openly despised by the public. Infact, many embraced this. The Nintendo fans saw this as the alliance they needed to defeat Sony. Notice how those same nimrods jumped on the “Wii60” nonsense back in 06? This was desperation on their part. 

This was their mentality throughout. They gathered all the Nintendo characters, but also squeezed in the Green Hill boys. Ignoring that Sonic games had popped up as exclusives on thevHD twins, Nintendo fans swore Sonic belonged to them. That they were entitled to it exclusively. Overtime, Nintendo fans had become obsessed with the idea of appropriating Sonic the Hedgehog only as a trophy, however. As some means of enriching Nintendo rather than actual Sonic fans. Since the Wii had “won” 7th gen, the nintards had nothing to worry about. With games like the Olympics, Brawl, Smash 4, and embarrassingly Lost Mind, the fools convinced themselves that Sonic had already become a Nintendo IP. And they relished in every moment of it.

But now… why does Forces blow sand in their cunts? Well, as we’ve already discovered, Nintendo fans care about content more than they’d admit… and Forces moves away from what i’d call the “Levity Standard”. 

Notice that Nintendo fans don’t talk about Metroid? Or Resident Evil? Or F-Zero? Star Fox? Nah, they always talk a great deal about the happy go lucky crap. Mario’s unparralel greatness, to Wind Waker’s artistic splendor. To them, Nintendo is not only great because of it’s magnificent gameplay (that they fail to care about), but it’s also being able to maintain that greatness without going the route of “grimdark”. Nintards are always ready to bash on the likes of Call of Duty or similar shit for being anything other than rainbows and fuzzballs. It’s a religion to them. When Iizuka went insane and swore to coddle the mentally disturbed, he made sure to hit their sweet spots by having the games from 2010-2015 be as gay as possible to appease their sensibilities, convincing them and no one else that Nintendo’s way of content worked for all.

Forces, however, rejects the Levity Standard altogether. And this chaps their ass like you wouldn’t believe. Now their only defense is to overly promote Sonic Mania as superior by default, while taking w/e measures they can to convince Sega to forgo this route entirely, and that is to criticize everything. From the boost mechanic that no one ever opposed to the mere inclusion of a CaC feature. Afterall, the content has balls, whereas theirs have yet to drop. It’s like some painfull reminder to them that Sonic was for the cool kids, and they’re not invited.

As soon as a demo drops, the game is  automatic SHIT! How amazing is that? That they can now judge an unfinished product for being “too fast“. This is them throwing a tantrum that Sega is no longer trying to appease them, and is trying to reach out to the real Sonic fans.

Silly, mal-adjusted fools.

The End of Archie Sonic

RIP last bastion of coolness

I remember back when my Genesis died, my only access to Sonic material came from the comics. More specifically, the Knuckles comics. I damn near caught every issue. But I missed a lot. 

The Knuckles comics were especially great cause… at the time I discovered them, Knuckles Chaotix was out. Obviously cause of S3K, I wanted it badly. The characters looked amazing at the time. But… money, so that never happened. But that’s what made the comics so special. TV networks didn’t pump out enough Sonic material for anyone to get invested in these characters, so the comics filled that void easily. And these guys were amazing. Mighty had super strength, Espio could cloak, Vector… was the shit talker who couldn’t fight worth a damn, and Charmy was…. evicted from the group after hot dog poisoning :P. 

Wasn’t there a fire ant in that group?

And their villains just oozed wickedness! Enerjak, Mammoth Mogul, and… hell even that human hunter from the last 3 issues. Ok I can’t even lie about him.

Yeah, the Knuckles series got worse after the hot dog shit. The stories delved into romantic comedy bullshit and having to deal with bullies from the past (YEAH, IM KING OF THE HILL!) And JuliefuckingSu. I’ve never seen a tomboy so unlikable since Michelle Rodriguez. Rouge is the one thing the games have over the comics in this regard.

But yeah, after they canned the Knuckles way back then, I stopped following the comics. I know they merged the 2, but the red man’s stories and art suffered tremendously. I think the older material was better. I did like the two parter where Sonic and Tails were fighting an advanced Mecha Sonic in the forest. I think the last one I ever picked up was one where Sonic was fighting some red chinese dragon. That also had terrible art.

But yeah, up until I could afford games, the comics were a damn good substitute. I remember all the Super Specials! Including the ones where you had the females turn into Sailor Moon knock offs, the one featuring Zonic and Kintobor, and the one that had introduced Sonic Underground! I also remember the bad ones like Sonic Kids.

But my absolute favorite one had Super Sonic, Hyper Knuckles, and fucking Turbo Tails fighting Mammoth Mogul in an alternate dimension. For a long time, I thought Turbo Tails was real! He looked badass! But that issue alone was fantastic. 

I had a lot of fun reading these comics. After SA1 when the games actually had developed actual plots, I felt the comics held little purpose for me, so I overlooked the rest of the series altogether. Ofcourse now with how shit the game plots have become, the comics would again serve a purpose. Though considering all the legal piss going about giving Julie-Su a more grotesquely mannish appearance (I can’t remember all the details) and with SOJ ramming their cock into the comics, that purpose was killed off quickly.

And now this.

While I haven’t read a single issue since 2002, I feel bad for those who still did. With Pontaff style writing being a thing in the future, these thin books would’ve been a nice release valve for all the garbage we’d have to stomach. Unless you’re a Knuckles fan, maybe. I’m not sure if his stories ever got better in the last 16 years but nonetheless…. we could always count on Archie, from the 90’s to now, to deliver to us what Sega would continuously fail to deliver. Memorable stories, fantastic battles, and badass concepts. One thing Archie was not was creatively bankrupt. 

Then again, I wouldn’t know these days. And like I said, romance comedy and bullies wasn’t even close to what I came to the comics for. Or maybe it’s cause I hated Julie-Su so much. And they fucked and made a baby too..

Judging by Danido’s comments (I haven’t watched those vids yet), this could be the end of Sonic’s coolness.

Capeshit 4 (Power Rangers)

No I’m not doing Spiderman Homecoming. Fuck that movie. It’s about time I moved away from Marvel for a bit anyway, their output is only getting worse.

When this movie first came out, I was completely hyped. And like I said before, I was binge watching several Seasons of this crap, all of which ranged around 40 episodes. So by the time this movie came out, I was already up to my ass in Morphin sequences to not bother to look at this movie critically. Nevertheless, I bought the damn dvd Some time ago, rewatched it once…. it ain’t really all that good. Hell, it’s actually kinda boring! 

Mind you, this is coming the fact that the director commentary reveals that the goal was to remake some old shit called The Breakfast Club. Highschool students who spend their time bitching about their problems in detention. So this movie isn’t even about POWER RANGERS, it’s about this director’s obsession with 80s bullshit! So you get about 2 hours of teenage drama that no one cares about, and about 15 minutes of actual Ranger action that is entirely rushed and takes a backseat to the Bayformers style of boring Zord battles while punishing our ears with Kanye West. This was a pretty shit movie. And I conned myself into thinking it was any good. Lets get on wit it

Also, I got the bizarre sense that this movie was sending a lot of racial subtext in regards to the characters, more so than Disney! So expect the subject of race to pop up. A lot. In humorless ways.

I’m serious. You don’t wanna see racey shit? click away!









Still here? You have been warned.

It starts off lovely with a Prologue that would’ve made for a sexier movie. Zordon as the mother fucking Red Ranger crawls about and lays down the five power…. rocks (not coins!?) To protect them from Rita Repulsa, mother fucking green ranger! She demands the Zeo Crystals location (so much fanservice!) Until something blows up and she gets knocked out into the ocean.

This whole prologue had me fucked up! It was brilliant! It established a mythos, was loaded with fanservice, and actually gave Zordon a background story. They were hoping we would love that shit, cause the movie transitions to a masturbation joke involving a cow.

Not making that up. Jason Lee Scott…. minus the Lee… and some other paste monster decide to pull an ill-defined prank involving taking a cow into the locker room of… I’m guessing an opposiing team. But the cops come and spoil everything like always, and the next day we have Jason with a foot brace and an argument with his dad. Jason ends this obligatory debate by saying “you’ll never understand me”. Neither would I or anyone else in the audience, you fucking prick.

See, the tension between Jason and his father is short and not given any room for development…. unless you watch the damn deleted scenes! In it, you find that Jason is bitter about the fact that his daddy didn’t bail him out of house arrest….. seriously folks. You got this privileged white boy gettin pissy because he got what he deserved!? It’s a damn good thing they deleted that scene as that would’ve made Jason into an irredeemable little shit with a false sense of entitlement. 

As Jason goes into detention, he bitch slaps a bully for picking on Billy Cranston, who got confused and thought he was doing a minstrel show.  It’s not explained as of yet why he’s in there, but meh. Kimberly, the overrated sex symbol of power rangers fandom (Katie was the pinnacle of fine. Admit it!) walks out of detention to the bathroom. .. while the teacher was present. Not sure why highschool detention operates with the same scrutiny as a regular college classroom, but we needed this bathroom scene.

To drive home the point that this film wants to be degrassi, we have kim being confronted by 2 bitches who… I guess oust her from that peer group… because she took a photo of some girl and punched some guy’s tooth out. Ooooook?

Then, she cuts her hair shorter and goes back to detention because… something only white girls underst- WHY THE FUCK WAS THIS SCENE NEEDED!? If anything, they could’ve cut this shit out and it wouldn’t impact a thing. It adds nothing, it doesn’t give us a reason to care about this character, and shows petty drama over some goddamn tweets. The jackoffs behind this flick cared so much about being culturally relevant to teenagers that they forget about how to make any of this shit relevant to the plot. 

Actually, I take that back. The very next scene has Jason’s actions factor into Billy’s proper introduction. Here he shows his awkwardness around folks and desperately wants to be his besty (which annoys me to no end). And he makes Jason a deal. If Billy disables Jason’s bitch brace, he will let borrow his family car. I repeat, borrow… his family… CAR

*sigh*…. I know you assholes gave him a mental disorder, but… what the hell would possess Billy Cranston, the smart one of the group… to loan a car that he does not own… to a guy who is a complete stranger to him!? The guy has a bitch brace on! Meaning he has committed a crime! Why the fuck would you trust him with that!? Because he was a star football player!? Are you on the yac!? . …eh hell, he might be, the way he coons in this movie.

So he disables the damn thing and asks Jason to drive him to a construction site. I guess they bond here? Of course, Jason doesn’t want to be around him and leaves him to his weird shit.

Then we see Johnny Yong Bosch once again steal a role from Walter Jones as he portrays douchbag Zack, sitting on a trailer as he watches a latino Trini Kwan (Change the race… but keep the Asian-esqe name) as she does yoga while listening to heavy metal. Yeah, fuck all that inner peace and tranquility shit that Yoga requires! We rock out on rocks! I mean, damn this sooooo edgy!

Back to Jason as he turns from Trespasser to peeping tom while he watches Kimberly strip down to a bikini a take a dive into a pond. She gets out and even has a towel on deck! Then…. typical boring ass teenage shipping where both characters are… too cool to have a normal conversation and talk about being rebellious! Cause I wanted to be reminded of this tired ass cliche that we’ve seen about a hundred times from the Fast and Furious franchise alone, as well as all the action movies. You know that type of romantic cliche where the girl acts like she doesn’t want cock while the boy talks about being on the wild side and how the girl should go and be wild too…. that kind of shit. The same level of shipping that is simply obligatory to the point of absurdity. Could you give us a reason to actually give us a reason to care about them before giving us this “will they or won’t they” piss? Cause by this point, I just don’t care about them.

Billy somehow makes a bomb and blows up a cliff. Uhwhy!? Zack comes out of nowhere and starts beefing with Billy over his explosive personality, and Trini as well comes out of the woodwork with a random “homeboy” expression that is as hollow as her music career. Then, the mountain rumbles a bit showing the Power Co-…. Rocks. Zack wastes no time hammering away at the wall, wanting to pop out these babies for money. The 5 kids (yeah, Jason and Kim showed up too) take their respective rocks and then hear an alarm siren…. 7 minutes after the doggone explosion. They all head to Billy’s car and escape… via train crashing.


I admit. .. this part was actually well done! Normally, you’d expect the heroes to miss the train by inches… but naw, just straight up collision, and these stupid kids get knocked into the river! A good dose of shock value to wake up the audience after boring them to death for minutes on end.

We then jump ship to… a ship! Jason’s father is a fisherman eho manages to round up a ton of oily delights… and a decrepit old bitch! They don’t know who or what she is and so they leave Rita in the cargo for the police to deal with in the morning. 

In that morning, somehow…. Jason, kim, and Billy all wake up in their houses…. like shit never happened…. and they have the ol’ Spiderman trope of “HOLY SHIT I HAVE SUPAH POWAHS!” I mean… why not? This movie isn’t nearly as derivative as Doctor Strange! 

This is never explained in the movie, how they got back home.

Back in school, Billy’s Bully (5 times fast) tries to snap his arm… cause that is what bullies do these says with their super strength and all… but finds that he can’t…. so he tries headbutting him… and gets knocked unconscious. And soon afterwards, he already has white bitches trying to flirt with him. Ofcourse! In the cafeteria, the 3 are weirded out by their strange… or… well two of them, Billy is just pimping it with his nerd group, and after putting their rocks on a table, they blow up some cafeteria food. 

……Wait…. if they caused that kind of energy surge, someone should’ve been able to find them just by having fucked up shit happening. Tremors, EMPs… something! Cause now they’re just doing random shit! This is also, again, the only time in the whole movie where they have this kind of effect!

Anywho, back on the boat, a cop does an inspection of Rita’s corpse only for that crazy bitch to wake up and mutilate his ass. Why she reanimates here and not sooner…. idk

Back to the teenagers with attitude, they decide to go back to the construction site to find out what is wrong with them, passing Billy’s family car… that never gets brought up unless you watch the deleted scenes (seriously!?). At the site, they find Zack, and then Trini who instantly does a spiderman wall crawl. And then… Kim chases after her… and everyone else chases her. Yeah… this… this makes sense. 

They all get to a cliff that Trini just up and jumps over without a word. Zack jumps and tackles her to the ground, and then Jason and Kim jump. These kids haven’t even bothered trying to know each other so the scene just feels awkward as hell. Billy hesitates because that’s what smart people do, but he jumps, nearly not making it, and I already know what happens beforehand. He makes it by an inch, celebrates, and falls any- oh, yep. And ofcourse he survives, little pool in this big ass canyon. Zack and Jason jump in while Kim has to snatch Trini’s ornery ass  as they plummet to the pool.

Here they glow in the water only to have an in-joke about Billy and Zack swapping ethnicities. It seems like contrived shit just happens for specific moments rather than making the movie feel organic as a whole. Why the hell are they glowing different colors in the water? 

Anyhow, they find out that the pool also has a surface at the bottom, and as they reach it, they find a space ship. And inside, they meet Alpha 5. …..Or…. some midget…. cgi cosplayer who didn’t know that the original never had two flashlights for eyeballs. Goddamn, I hate this design! Both Alpha and Johnny 5 combined to become this tragedy of poor budget. How does Lion’s Gate compensate for that? By giving him tentacles. So now he can be in both children’s television and hentai. What a dreadful thing indeed.

After scaring the shit out of the kids, Alpha tells them to step on five separate panels which awakens Zordon. Of course, the kids are terrified and try to escape, but Alpha doesn’t let them as he shuts the ship’s doors. After giving Zordon an English patch (literally) the 2 explain that Zordon’s soul was transferred to the Morphin grid… somehow, and that the kids have become power rangers. Billy is the only excited one, but the other 4 are just… too cool to believe any of this is true despite the fact that there is a GIANT TALKING FACE!!

Zordon, understandably pissed, levitates them and gives them all a vision of Rita killing them all. Zordon warns them that they must become badasses to stop Rita or else she’ll obtain the Zeo Crystal and crap all over Earth. Despite everything happening, everyone leaves while Zordon talks to Jason about being the leader simply cause he has the red rock. Us fanboys recognize this is literally the first episode of Mighty Morphin, “Day of the Dumpster”. IE cute shit. Jason tells everyone that they should probably go back anyway. While that happens, Rita kills a homeless guy who…. can apparently afford a gold tooth

Ok movie. I can take having no explanation as to why the kids got warped back to their homes, or why the power rocks only affect school cafeterias…. but homeless people… have enough money…. for aesthetic dentistry!? I…. again…. suspending logic…. let’s just move on.

So we get a training montage since the next day, the Rangers can’t morph. They get sent to the pit to fight holograms of terribly designed rock monsters the movie wishes to call “Puddies”. W/e. Billy also manages to pinpoint the location of the Zeo Crystal under a donut shop. And I swear to Amma, the amount of bitching this gets is unbelievable. Movies have product placement. I get it. Has that ever gotten in the way of a movie’s enjoyment? This isn’t Nintendo shoving their cocks into every 3rd party Wii U game.

At some point, Alpha shows the team their Zords. You would think these machines would get a better introduction, but eh. Alpha tells them they can’t drive them until they morph. …………. but Zack has other ideas. He takes the MASTODON for a test drive, and finds he can’t drive, and nearly kills some nuns before drive into the Ranger pit, talking about how awesome it is, while Bill Hader forces out the “AyAyAy” catch phrase. You only had one job. One job, Hader!

Everyone rightfully tells Zack that he’s an asshole, but he blows them off, prompting Jason to punch him, and then proceeds to get his ass whooped by Zack. Billy breaks up the fight and morphs. To his own amazement,  he quickly demorphs and everyone is all “HOW!?”. Because black power, bitches! Unfortunately, because the black guy morphed first, Zordon gets pissed and sends them all home. Jason stays behind and hears that Zordon was only using them to activate the Morphin grid to bring himself back to life. Jason tells him to fuck off and leaves. Meanwhile, Rita raids a jewelry store.

At some random campfire, they all figure they can’t morph because they don’t know each other. So after a fucking hour, they do formal introductions and talk about their problems. Zack has anxiety over his sick mother which… doesn’t excuse his behavior at all. Billy likes country music and misses his late father… which…. doesn’t explain why he blows shit up. Jason tells them they already know his problem (asshole), Kim doesn’t say anything, and Trini is Lesbian… or that’s what the internet jacked off to prematurely. Ignoring that this came from Zack making baseless assumptions about what Trini’s problems are, which I found rude and offensive. 

Despite how rushed this scene felt… its not all that bad. It at least tries to humanize the characters (Mainly Zack) and give an explanation into their mal-adjusted behaviors. Back at Trini’s house, she is attacked by Rita who threatens to kill everyone she loves if the rangers don’t meet her at the docks. Jason agrees to go because… fuck Zordon and as they make it there, Rita gets the jump on them and kicks their lily asses all over the place.

Rita bounds them on the side of a ship and threatens to kill them one by one if they don’t tell her where the Zeo Crystal is. Billy tells her under the Krispy Kremes. After that, she kills him. Remember black children! Don’t learn anything, and white folks won’t murder you! …. maybe. The rangers rush Billy’s corpse back to Zordon, hoping that he could revive him, but he’s no miracle worker. The kids all start boohooing about wanting to give their life for him (so forced, this dialogue is). But then the Morphin grid activates and Zordon brings Billy back (HOW!?). With that in mind, the rangers can now morph. 

……. Yep….. you saw that, right? The only way they could morph…. was for the white folks, the Hispanic, and the Asian…. to be united via the death of the black kid. Disney ain’t got shit on Power Rangers, that’s subtle as fuck! 

So they morph, Rita makes golden turd Goldar, the rangers fight for half a minute before going to their Zords, having a short easter egg of the 1995 Go Go Power Rangers theme before shifting to some shit Kanye West song, fighting off Goldar while forming the Evangelion Megazord, and bitch slapping Rita into outer space, all in time for Jason David Frank’s arrogant ass pops in with Amy Jo Johnson for their cheap cameos. And the movie…. basically ends.

See, I rushed through all that because the movie didn’t care to make the highlight of the movie to be the least bit engaging. 

Power Rangers is quite boring and offensive, and a lot of that has everything to do with the director wanting to create the Breakfast Club. The rangers are all unlikable jerks  (with the exception of Billy) that honestly could not in a milllion years relate to it’s audience in any meaningful capacity. We’re told this is a more realistic approach, but that does not make a good movie. Dino Thunder is the same way, but at least it treats itself like Power Rangers. I don’t get this logic with people that think a series cannot succeed on it’s own merits. Power Rangers is goofy and unrealistic. Hell, even RPM, the “darkest season” is goofy. This movie is just depressing. But we’re supposed to like these jackasses over the Operation Overdrive team!? Fuck that noise. It doesn’t feel like Power Rangers at all. I was deluded by my own hype. 

And lets talk about these characters,  eh?

Jason Scott, if you don’t watch the deleted scenes, is flat and invisible. Much like the original Jason who’s praise came exclusively from being the first red ranger… and Rocky sucking ass. Jason is a football star turned fallen hero who doesn’t really grow as a character, and his actions seem contradictory. He pulls a prank, defends a geek from a bully, is annoyed by said geek… they’re trying to create this character who is good at heart, but has a chip on his shoulder all the time, and they don’t even get that right. Deleted scenes make him out to be a self-entitled prick.

Kimberly, much like the show, is insignificant and.. probably the most “normal” teen there. But her drama seems to revolve around a picture she took about some random girl, and a guy’s tooth she knocked out. No clue is given as to how those events are connected, and we don’t know or care what the photo is. Nevertheless, that’s her entire character, honestly.

Zack is an asshole. Probably a commentary on Johnny Young Bosch himself. Zack is motivated by money, mainly because his mother is sick and dying, and he needs to buy medicine. As noble as that is, his interaction with his teammates is atrocious. His joyriding with the zord nearly cost nuns and his own team their lives… and all he can do is talk about how awesome it is. He lacks empathy and consideration towards others, and he doesn’t realize the error of his ways by the end of the movie. Dean is probably trying to make him the cool fun guy, but it just isn’t working. Dare I say Dax was more tolerable. 

Ok I can’t lie like that. 

Trini is just as bad, if not worse, than Zack. She likes to give people the cold shoulder and push others away. She is essentially the ice queen of the pack, the first to run away from people, tries to use “street lingo” and fails in her delivery…. but we’re supposed to ignore her poor characterization…… because she‘s lesbian!? The internet has no standards when it comes to pushing LGBT agendas. Should’ve seen the nut-riding Trini got. 

And then there’s Billy, who is simply the most likable character by virtue that he doesn’t push his problems onto others, or act like a dick. No emotional baggage that tries to force anyone to care about his problems, and puts in the most effort to try and make this ranger gig work.

That being said…. he’s also the most offensive character in the whole movie.

-He is a tool to move the plot along when necessary (finds the power rocks, morphs first, locates Zeo Crystal) and lacks an in-depth background (they don’t show, they tell.) So he’s really just a hollow shell. We get more details about Kim’s social media fetish.

-Billy in the original show was smart simply because. But for the movie, they make him autistic? So a black character cannot be smart without some mental disorder? Are you fucking serious!? Doubly insulting is that his symptoms of autism are played for laughs. Not even sure the studio has any sensitivity training. He also has this thing where he claps 3 times and smiles, which is so coonish it’s cringe-worthy. 

Smart Negroes are obviously domestic terrorists.  This brother makes fucking bombs! Obviously because he is one the few intelligent coloreds, he is a threat!

-Humiliation. A lot of people point out that Billy’s ability to find the Zeo Crystal is a quality of his character…. except that when you think about it, all that does is get him killed. Finding the location of the Zeo Crystal is detrimental as by finding it, Billy inadvertently allows Rita to find it no problem. Finding the Zeo Crystal did not benefit the team in any way… and as a result of plain curiosity, this cat was killed. On-screen. Black dude dies…. period. This movie jacks off to shitting all over this guy.

-He had to die, but why? Like I said earlier, Billy’s death allowed the team to finally realize how much they cared about each other, that kind of shit. Butat the same time, because this movie feels rushed, you really don’t see it. The characters never “bonded” outside of Jason and Kim. That campfire scene was pure exposition and cannot constitute as actual bonding. They just tell each other their problems. And as far as I’m concerned, the only person who has any reason to be upset over Billy’s death is Jason. From guilt or from the fact that he at least interacted with him prior. I damn sure don’t see Zack shedding a drop.

But again, the subtext on this whole scene is disturbing, and feel free to call it paranoia. But the black kid had to die… for the whites, the Hispanic, and the Asian to gain power. Considering that here in the US that these 3 group are, in tandem,  trying to push out/remove/kill/supplant our asses either through police savagery, gentrification, or otherwise, this scene just did not feel right at all. Yeah, I know he was brought back to life and all, but the humiliation was already done. I know I’m gonna get some shit for this.

-Primarily the court jester. Obviously, this is Hollywood. And they needed a Coon, so there’s Billy’s real purpose. This is the real reason he gets so much praise. I spent way too much time on Billy. ..

Alpha 5 sucked. Moving on.

Zordon was… kind of a dick in this movie. Sure he has a personality now, but it just feels odd. The original Zordon seemed like this benevolent wizard with cool toys every now and then. this guy was a manipulative bastard who only wanted the teens to activate the Morphin grid so that he could come back to life. Dirty mother fucker. Then he quickly blows off the team, telling them to Get out of his cave when they still couldn’t morph. 

I actually enjoyed Rita in this movie. She’s scary, she’s efficient in combat, way better than the tv show version. And hey, having a background as the green ranger is waaaay cooler than Tommy Oliver. Now if only she had more screentime. Or made Goldar better looking.

Overall, the excuse for this movie being so lackluster is that’s an origin story, but that doesn’t really cut it. First Avengervwas an origin, Spiderman 1 was an origin. And they never waited until the end of the film to get their suits. By the time they morph, you will have stopped caring. And when they morph, they have stopped caring. It’s Power Rangers marginalized by the director to make his fetish for the Breakfast Club work. Lets hope the Power will protect the sequel from Dean Israelite.

The Mind of a Nintard

As silly and as inflammatory as the title is, this isn’t that kind of post. And it might come off a bit crazy, but if you’re still this blog then you’re all used to my crazy ass. 😛

I think we all need to be a little honest with… how people, particularly gamers over the internet, act out and react to certain things that may or may not be comfortable for them to hear. The vast majority of internet gamers tend to be social outcasts. These guys/gals grew up without a lot of friends. And as a social people, we want to be included in something. It could be a gang, a church gathering, or what may have you. We need that sense of belonging as it gives us some psychological validation to our existence. A purpose.

For those who were unfortunate to fall out of favor with society, cartoons, movies, videogames…. these become their friends. On the outside, they are the bottom of society. But in game land, they are appreciated by virtual characters. They become heroes, worshipped and admired by a digital populace. This is the escapism that gamers are all too eager to parrot in defense or praise of their favorite pasttime. To retreat from unpleasant realities through diversion… or fantasy. In this case, the reality of being insignificant or verbally tormented in the real world. To escape is to get away from pain in the most general sense.

I’ve said oftentimes that videogames didn’t become this niche activity for the “dregs” of society up until the early-mid 90’s. As I was only born in 88, im not aware of what the attitude towards games were before then, but as far as I can remember, it was just another social gathering. Friends, family, everyone would join in if they wanted. You never heard things like “Video games are the devil” emanating from people’s mouths. Of course, Mortal Kombat (Maybe Doom as well) changed that mentality. Video games were sick depravity, responsible for the downfall of society, responsible for every school tragedy known to mankind. As a result, games became less social and more introverted. The gaming environment, however, found a new audience…. in the dregs of society. As the ahem….casual” folks started looking at games as a harmful activity, the outcasts found it to be a safe haven of escapism

Ofcourse this didn’t give a better image to themselves or videogames altogether, and people started attaching a stigma that games were for freaks and losers… mainly because games were targeting them specifically. The outcasts, however, didn’t start feeling emboldened or empowered by their position in society…. until the internet went public. You see, people don’t feel any real sense of empowerment without some form of external validation. They need to feel justified in what they do from other people. If not, one of two things may happen. Ideally, they may take it upon themselves to stop their current path and try to improve their lives, trying to be of benefit to society, or go through self-improvement for their own benefit. On the other hand, they may enter severe depression which could lead to suicide. And social outcasts are already emotionally fragile people, so suicides are almost inevitable. This is why cyber bullying is fucking dangerous.

However, if the outcasts find other like-minded outcasts, then the 2 scenarios rarely ever occur. Instead, the outcast becomes comfortable. Because now they have found someone like them to take solice in. They can talk to them, confide in them, etc etc.

Think about how a typical geek would enter a cafeteria as he sees tables lined up with jocks. But sees one empty table and darts for it because he doesn’t feel secure sitting with other jocks. But a table with geeks already is the only option. A peer group creates a sort of…. safety net. Not so much as protection from physical threats but more so emotional devastation. Like say if you suffer an ass whoopin alone, that’s also a blow to your own pride. You feel real shitty and sore! But if you suffer the same fate with other people, the pain is shared, and you won’t feel as crummy. Hell you might even laugh about it with the other guys. A shared pain is dulled as it is spread out more evenly.

This is the kind of security the internet provided.

The internet became a literal safe haven for outcasts. They can find all of their peer groups at the click of a button, and they don’t have to leave the comfort of their houses. Within the group, people feel secure in expressing themselves more openly as there is less risk for confrontation or ridicule. As such, the internet had become a tool of empowerment for the outcasts. They become more confident in themselves, at least online, and not live in fear of scorn.

This is usually…. ok for certain groups. But… when you get to those whose lives revolve around entertainment, you start getting some bad results. Especially with gamers. Lets talk Football for a quick sec.

Football is considered by all to be a healthy interest/hobby as it promotes physical fitness and scholarships even though it contributes absolutely to society beyond entertainment for regular joes. But lets talk about the regular joes. These guys usually pick a favorite team… and they get into these all-for-fun… full of laughter debates about which team is going to devastate other teams and go to the super bowl. These joes are always joking and having a good time, however. They may talk about certain teams being better than others, but there is a surprising amount of civility amongst the joes (unless they’re rednecks who start riots over this shit, mind you. Or if it’s hockey). I believe it’s due to the fact that… as a whole, Football is accepted and celebrated by society. People like football, thus it is considered normal for people to enjoy it. To revel in it. To bask in it. So the joes who talk about football feel no shame in it. No guilt. So there is nothing to get… defensive over. Football fans are psychologically secure in being football fans.

But on the other hand, videogames are damn near a social taboo. With all the controversies and stigmas attached to them, it’s a wonder that the industry even exists. Gamers are outcasts to the degree that they are mocked in the media. An ostracized people will often see their environment as a threat. Because their hobby is seen as a taboo. In their case, gaming is a guilty pleasure. They feel some level of shame in their hobby. And combined with the grief from society, this all culminates in a person that is hostile to what he or she perceives as an outside threat. This threat doesn’t necessarily come from outside of the peer group, this can come within as well. Football fans exist in the same group, but there are the subdivisions, IE the fans of different teams. A Redskin fan might beef with a Cowboy’s fan, but it rarely gets serious. Because to them, it’s all clean fun. Gamers on the hand, being outcasts, are already bitter due to being shunned by society, so in any debate, they can get easily heated, and all that baggage, all that bitterness just explodes. Why? Because again, an outcast seeks validation.

Naturally, under normal conditions, the outcast would be introverted. Wouldn’t say a word in his defense. Because there is no one around that would even consider taking his side on an issue. But with a peer group, the outcast is empowered. Strength in numbers! The outcast is emboldened to defend his position because he at least has people wiling to back him up. But…. when you find someone that has a difference in opinion…. battle lines are drawn. What this outcast sees is a challenge to his stance. They may see it as a simple disagreement, but on a deeper psychological level, they feel the same way they do in the real world. This difference in opinion… is no different than being shunned by society! They see that same rejection, they feel the same level of invalidation, they feel the same level of disrespect. But after feeling validated by their peers, the outcast lashes out against this difference in opinion under the pretense that this is a threat. A threat to his continued validation by his peers. It becomes something of a drug. When you’ve tasted a modicum of respect, you have no intent of losing it. But this also includes dealing with people who mean no harm in stating a different perspective, it is still considered a threat to the mental security of the peer group. IE the emotional fragility of the group, the emotional fragility of the outcast. And when you consider the endless amount of peer groups (fan communities) that exist on the internet, you have all these conflicting views (hehe) and an endless backdraft of flamewars.

This is internet gamer culture. The constant and never-ending quest for validation from other people as a result of social circumstances. This kind of quest leads to degenerative behaviors of tribalism and irrationality. And… this finally leads me to… the Nintard. Yes, I know it took me this damn long to get to the point.

i’ve often been criticized fot using Nintard as a label for Nintendo fanboys. On the outside, it’s a juvenile term. But when you stop to think about it, it’s more fitting than you’d believe. What is a retard? The textbook answer is a person of subnormal intelligence (which could also be fitting), though in a broader sense, it’s just a slow person. Not necessarily slow as in not getting things in a millisecond…. just in the case of basic social and mental development. 

Sometimes a gamer will find a peer group and never leave ….that group. The reason would be obvious as the group gives that sense of belonging, pride, acceptance, validation in one’s existence… you the deal. On an emotional level, this is beneficial as the group gives a sort of stability. But on a developmental level, i’d say it’s detrimental. On a social level, you need to interact with different people. You need to explore different perspectives just to know how to deal with them. Learn how people think, different social cues, take advice, gain insight on different things. It’s especially important because you won’t have a lot of experiences in life, so interacting with different people who can relay those experiences with you is extremely beneficial so that you can learn something from them. Bounce offf different ideas from different people if you’re a sort of writer or so. It’s also important if you plan to run a business to understand the behavior of people so that you can sell your products. For better or worse, you rely on others to do anything anyway, you eventually have to learn to deal with them. You need to learn empathy, tis what I’m saying.

But the outcast is already disadvantaged in this case. They already have that fear of the pain of rejection and/or verbal abuse from society, so they develop social aversion. They don’t want to be around people. They become misanthropic, if you will. They’ve become so mal-adjusted that their internet peer group is the only form of interaction they have. So they surround themselves with al these like-minded people and what happens is that they become zombies. You don’t get different perspectives, ideas, experiences, you don’t get shit. As a result, their development as people stagnates. They’re not evolving because they have this comfort zone with people who share a hivemind. The group won’t evolve beyond there current mindset. The outcasts are so obsessed with their own validation, they don’t care about having empathy for others. After all, theyve been mistreated, so to hell with the world!

You could say it’s a selfish mindset like this that gave rise to the short-lived “Hardcore/Casual” war of 07-11, yadda yadda. At the end of the day, this desire to remain with the peer group out of safety and validation is cause for the retardation of one’s development. This also extends to different tastes, whether it be food, cars, or even videogames. You always have folks telling you to “try new things”. Food in particular because you’re always gonna need to adjust your diet for the future. Getting used to different foods makes those transitions less… abrasive(?). 

But most Nintendo fans won’t try new games outright. They have found a decent comfort within Nintendo brand games alone. This isn’t bad in and of itself, everyone has the same tendency towards preferences, but to go and suggest that Nintendo games alone are superior to the rest is proof positive of an inexperienced mind. He who has not traveled far thinks his mother is the best cook.

As a result of all of this, you have this group who, thanks to a growing level of pride backed by a support group of like-minded folks, and a significant level of bitterness towards outsiders of the group, and a lack of empathy for those outside of the group, feels emboldened and justified in lashing out at people who express a different viewpoint. They get angry! This anger is triggered by the invalidation of the outsiders just by merely having a different perspective. Remaining exclusively within that peer group creates this illusion that everyone shares your views and lifestyle. That’s why many gamers can’t understand how a “critically acclaimed game” on the internet could be irrelevant in the real world. That whole “living in fantasy lands distorts your perception of reality” gig. So that is what they expect from others, complete homogeneity of ideals, IE validation of their ego. Anything otherwise is a threat.

Now… you have all these ingredients for a mal-adjusted person or group… but what if such a peer group became outcasts on the doggone internet? This became the Nintendo fans during the gamecube era. Because PlayStation was the hottest thing going around, Sega basically dissappeared, and Nintendo was on the chopping block. These goddamn Console wars, man. With all these mal-adjusted groups sitting around with no empathy towards each other… collide. And I mean collide, they devolve into tribalism.  That is all a console war is, just unempathetic people beefing on the internet. And the gaming industry feeds into this nonsense to increase the sense of loyalty that these gamers have to these products…. you see, with all the bull about these outcasts being a part of the group, they tend to develop a sense of identity and loyalty to the group, like some perverse form of gratitude to the group, they develop certain ideas. Like say if the company responsible for creating what you enjoy just up and dissapeared, they wouldn’t know what to do with themselves. They’ve elevated a product, nay, a corporation to that of their own identity. So they tend to say outrageous things such as everyone having this obligation to… “support” a video game company regardless of whether or not you may like the game. I remember reading some comments about Tekken Tag 2 not selling well, and some responses were that fans should feel “ashamed” for not supporting the game when it was first released. That is insanity. But that game series is the corner stone of their identity. To support (buy) the game is to validate their existence. And that’s not clever writing, that mal-adjusted identity could not be without the existence of that game series. So low sales is infact a threat to their very existence. They cannot function without this series. So then they lash out at other people for not buying the game. Because those disinterested customers represent the society that rejected them. This is all a subconscious nightmare. 

Going back to the Nintendo fans, they have such fierce loyalty to Nintendo mainly because Nintendo has a past history of success, and these guys take that history and supplement it for their own heritage. So they have pride and an inflated sense of worth in this regard. And yet… the Nintendo fan becomes an outcast online. The success of the PlayStation brand grew where as Nintendo fell out of favor with the general public. the fandom would become defensive and try to justify their purchase and brand loyalty. They held steadfast to the mantra of “Gameplay matters first” as their philosophy of quality and success, all of which was to save face and protect that precious identity of theirs. For the last 3 years, they wrestled with the idea that perhaps no one wants Nintendo games anymore, but would remain loyal to Nintendo regardless. As they became the laughing stock of the World Wide Web, the Nintendo fandom became equally as hostile. The same feeling they had toward the derision they received from those in the real world, within the confines of the peer group online, explodes in a fit of rage because now they can’t escape from the pain in reality or fantasy. And those fits of rage always make for irrational/disproportionate responses. 

 Hell, if I were to put up my last post on a Nintendo forum, I’m willing to bet that everyone would bitch about the one or 2 lines about Wind Waker than anything else I touched upon. Wind Waker has become the single most damning example of both their philosophy and their identity coming under fire by the larger majority of people. Gameplay first was the philosophy they conned themselves into believing, but constant criticism of things other than gameplay drives them up the walls. They can’t stand when Wind Waker gets heat. Why is that? Because it is a perfect representation of themselves! The outcast. Believing that deep down, you are a unique and creative person who, regardless of your appearance, is still of some sort of benefit to society. But the criticism of the game is a harsh reminder of the reality they themselves try to escape on a daily basis. And they can’t handle it, so they lash out in anger.  These people will go so far as to tell you that you are not allowed to have STANDARDS! IE when they complain about those who hate the art style. 

At this point, however, you would expect them to give up this false loyalty and move on. now the PSP would be coming out and that would be it for Nintendo fanboyism. Everyone predicted that Sony would conquer the handheld market and completely engulf all of Nintendo’s markets. That Nintendo would be finished. 

Of course, we now know the exact opposite happened. Nintendo maintained their handheld market and stole back their console shares from Sony and Microsoft. The Nintendo fans rejoiced and felt empowered by Nintendo’s success. Remember, they elevated Nintendo to their identity, so in their minds, they’re saying “Were winning, were winning,  Were winning!” And now, as a result of having finally beaten Sony on 2 equal fronts, they assume there is zero reason to criticize Nintendo for anything! Because they have found success! And success is the ultimate shield against criticism. After all, what’s the problem if what I’m doing is working out fine?

The Wii U came and failed miserably, but that honestly goes ignored in the Nintendo fandom. It’s not good for their identity or their collective egos to admit it had faults. Infact, when the 3DS was going through it’s blunders (even significant profit loses), they would deflect criticism by pointing out how much worse the Vita was doing. Comparative analysis at it’s worst.

The Nintendo fandom developed this habit of ignoring the vices of Nintendo but parrot their successes at every opportunity. Breath of the Wild is now a gold mine despite the fact that the Switch has nothing else of worth on the system atm (the Halo launch factor). Mario Odyssey is automatically amazing even though it hasn’t been released yet. The fandom is so preoccupied with these rare successes that they ignore any evidence to support any notion that Nintendo does anything wrong. It’s not convenient to  their collective identity. No one who is obsessed with their own image is going to point out their flaws or failings in life. These kinds of people can’t take criticism because, again, they are emotionally fragile people.

Nintendo, however, seems to have this effect on gamers that promotes this cultish loyalty for years on end, and true to their nature, it’s because many of these fans played Nintendo games when they were children. Regardless of your experiences in adulthood, your childhood will have the most influential impact on your life. Your childhood environment determines your behavior. Your childhood tastes determine your desires. Your childhood work determines your priorities. From the moment you know what a tree is, you become a sponge, and overtime you filter out things you don’t care about. Your childhood pain…. determines your sense of security. Nintendo targets children specifically, and is the aspect of one’s childhood that people don’t simply outgrow. They had fond memories of Nintendo games, especially those that started out with N64/NGC, these the main ones that be online. And one’s childhood experience is so precious that we become nostalgic and refuse to see anything wrong with our history as a result. They’ll become even more aggressive as a result. 

So you have that childhood, combined with the  Nintendo fantasy, combined with the social aversion, combined with the internet, combined with the peer group, combined with the single-minded thought process, combined with the unified identity, combined with the hostility toward criticism, combined with success, combined with the lack of empathy, combined with a lack experiences or refined tastes… and you get the modern Nintard. A gamer who is psychologically dependent upon his identity as a Nintendo fan as a shield for his insecurities. And because the Nintard has his pride, he will refuse to go outside of his comfort zone, meaning his identity as a Nintendo fan supercedes his own tastes. All because it’s a convenient shield. 

An identity is more than just a label. It defines your history, your culture, your behavior, your tastes, your status, etc. An identity gives you mental security that you have some sort of purpose or worth to this world. It generates self-esteem. It gives people different perspectives of life which, ideally, could influence others and change their perspectives in life to better themselves. An identity gives you definition to yourself and the world at large, promoting a particular value system. An identity is a powerful thing! So if your identity is under attack or seems inconvenient for you, you may either dump it for a new one to remain mentally secure, or have the pride to defend that identity regardless of the opposition. 

However, an identity that is adopted out of mal-adjustment is ultimately harmful. It is nothing more than a hollow shield to protect a person from the pain of social derision. It is dependent upon a fantasy that dooms people to a level of retardation that prevents them from functioning in the real world. And the Nintard is an extreme case of this. They’ve erected all these walls in place out of fear and pride. Their fantasy of Nintendo being #1 is so precious to them, any attempt to reach out and educate them… is met with heavy opposition. Their minds are effectively closed off. There is no reaching them.

….I haven’t played a good Zelda game in a while… 😛

Gameplay is a Racket

Just…. out of curiosity… why do people put so much stake into gameplay, not so much as a factor of why people enjoy games, but as the be all, end all that matters and as the sole reason that people buy video games in the first place?

It’s no secret that Nintendo fans, or rather the idiot Mario fans, have infiltrated the Sonic fandom by the numbers, so much so that I have to wonder how the SA3 Facebook page is still so active when it’s clear the majority of it’s members talk like this.

Stubborn, dismissive, typically never wants to hear shit. A clear case of arrested development. The majority of responses could be summed up as “I don’t care if you hate it. I enjoy it and that’s all that matters” How any fan page can last this long with a bunch of complicit zombies who bitch and moan at any hint of criticism is anyone’s guess, but that’s neither here nor there.

Horse’s ass reasoning aside, this talking point of “gameplay” is an overused talking point of the Nintendo fandom. And I’m willing to bet that’s all it is. Talk. Let’s…. entertain this argument. Suppose gameplay is all that really matters. That it’s all people look forward to in a game. If so… and I realize these are all vacuum sales…

These results should come as no surprise. NSMBW is purely a gameplay experience. Content is non-existent for the most part. It’s unbridled success is all the proof that the Nintendo fandom needs to validate their claim that gameplay is indeed king. Hell, even the questionable success of Wii Sports further proves this. Why, to them, NSMBW is a peerless masterpiece of craftsmanship that Nintendo had concocted. Tinkering with near perfection right down to the smallest deta-

Ahhhh shit

I had been browsing some forum posts from seven years ago on who preferred NSMB to Galaxy. The results were nearly one-sided in Galaxy’s favor.

There was only one person that mentioned NSMB, and….

Hot damn! Even mentioning that you like NSMBW better was met with subtle hostility! “Or because he didn’t explain why he thought that way like everyone else did, fucktard!” No one else got the response he did. It was almost unanimous that Galaxy was the superior title. 

And you know what the best part is!? They listed more content reasons than they did gameplay in determining why Galaxy was the better title! 

How is this possible!? A successful videogame that exemplifies the talking point of gameplay… is euphemistically shunned by those that worship gameplay!?

The answer lies with Sony. See, when the gamecube was announced to not have any console features aside from just playing games while PS2 and Xbox were boasting about DVD playback (big deal back then) and online functionality, many were looking at Nintendo like a dissappointment. But, to defend their buying choices in a last ditch effort to save face & their egos, they went on a pride parade declaring that gameplay was more important than DVD and internet functionality. And for the first 2-3(?) Years, it seemed like the gamecube would do alright regardless. Then… Windwaker happened. The deplorable content of that game literally drove away what little install base Nintendo had. All because Link looked like shit. The same old excuse was used to defend that game as well, even to this very day when no one returned for the HD remaster.

You see, the talking point of gameplay evolved out a defense mechanism. No one was talking this gameplay shit when it was known that PS1 could play music CDs. The concept of 3D graphics was on everyone’s minds. Who knew that such a lauded concept could’ve come from the insecurities of a fanboy?

Despite all of this, allow me to make a bold assertion and say that… yes, gameplay IS an important element of a good game. Afterall, why the fuck wouldn’t it be? It is a game, so the gameplay should be polished as to make the game playable. What is suspect is the notion that it is the most important element, which is laughable for one reason. Gameplay is a tool of immersion. 

If you’re buying a Spiderman game, for example,  you’re not buying  it to experience some fantastic gameplay mechanics.  You’re buying it because you to be fucking Spiderman. You want to take control of his powers, his fighting skills, his web swinging through Manhattan…. you’re buying for content reasons. The job of the gameplay here is to make you feel like you’re Spiderman. If it fails to do that, then the gameplay is faulty. Like say a Superman game where you take damage from bullets. You could say this is a beneficial gameplay mechanic as it makes the game challenging… but you won’t.  You’ll be saying “this is goddamn Superman! Why is he taking damage from bullets@?”

And lets be real. You’re not buying a Star Wars game for interesting gameplay mechanics. You’re buying to live in the Star Wars universe. To become a Jedi knight. At this point, you won’t be thinking about gameplay, you’re thinking of living in this fantastic universe. As such, the gameplay should be….decent enough that you can experience this world without too much headache. It doesn’t need to be perfect.

I bring up the 50 Cent/Okami examples frequently to illustrate this. People cared more about playing some dumb rapper than some intricate caligraphy brush. Now if you want to say gameplay is important,  you go right ahead. People need the game to be playable and polished enough, no one is suggesting otherwise,  but unless you’re talking about shit like Tetris or some other puzzle game that has no face to get attached to, you won’t convince anyone of gameplay’s significance. Something like Tetris (gameplay only) is seen as something to pass the time. It’s not considered a game to be invested in. It has no content outside of the blocks it gives you. Probably why no one gives a shit about Puyo Tetris.

Sonic the Hedgehog is noted as the fastest thing alive, so of course you’d look toward games that promote a faster pace, and lets be real. It’s why people praised Unleash’s daytime acts and demonize the nighttime acts. Ine was faster paced, the other slow as shit. It’s also why everyone hates Lost Mind. Sure it plays well, but it isn’t Sonic.

Why do you think people hated that Fox McCloud was given a stick? It didn’t make the game bad by default, but it’s a scifi series based off of Star Wars, you’d expect less Zelda and more Jet Force Gemini in this case. RE5-6, horror series feels too actiony, fandom outraged. Not necessarily bad gameplay, just innappropiate contexts. The gameplay is at the mercy of the content.

Lets think about this logically. Legend of Zelda, here you have an elf with a sword and shield described in every single game as this chosen hero. Instead, the majority of the games have you running around as some errand boy solving childish riddles. The gameplay fails here not because it’s no good, but because it refuses to put the player in a situation that makes him/her feel like a fucking hero. If the game is telling you that the only way to prove your worth is to swim around and catch tadpoles, the game is a failure on all accounts because that makes no goddamn sense. There’s no immersion because the priorities were shifted to the gameplay. It is/was the core of Miyamoto’s philosophy to divorce gameplay from content. You can’t simply do this. Gameplay is at the mercy of the content. Has been for a very long time.

  I mean, this guy wanted to be a toy maker, yet he denies the foundation of imagination. His philosophy of game design is dangerous and irrational, yet the fanboys and the industry encourages this nonsense. Gameplay in and of itself shouldn’t be the be all, end all. It’s clear the Nintendo fandom doesn’t believe this shit. Otherwise they wouldn’t have bitched about Call of Duty for so many years simply because they were military shooters.

Sadly, we now live in a generation where all sectors of game design, whether it be the toxic industry or the pretentious indies, believe in divorcing gameplay from content. It leads to many products feeling hollow and unremarkable. The industry focuses on  online multiplayer, often where the military shooter premise is an excuse. Hell, I remember an ad for a fallout game, I think these pasty teabags were in a college classroom and… I don’t recall that ad explaining what the fuck the game was about. At all, it was all about playing with friends over the internet. 

I recall a conversation with a friend who recommended dark souls tp me because it’s super challenging. I played Shinobi back in the day, a challenging game is nothing unique. I ask him what the game is about. He never said why… or I don’t remember all the details, but he constantly went on and on about the difficulty and shit.

Industry games, especially those of the west, have gotten shallow focusing on superficial mechanics and multiplayer gameplay. Indie games are no better as they follow the loonacy of Miyamoto’s philosophy down to a T. That’s why you don’t see me talk about indie games often, it’s all one big gameplay show off contest between what might as well be college students. The only indies with a brain or 2 are those who’ve worked in the Industry prior to the kickstarter age (Wayforward and Inticreates to name a few).

Good gameplay is fine and dandy, but it rarely takes priority over what people are interested in. No matter how fantastic your gameplay is, no one will play it if the content isn’t there. The developer of Cave Story learned that the hard way.

I honestly have zero experience with the Crash Bandicoot series. Most of that can be attributed to my time spent as a Nintard, shouting and spitting all kinds of poison at PlayStation. 

Well, no, there was that Mind over Mutant game on Wii, I don’t really care much for that game either. The characters were hideous and the unapologetic emphasis on what drug-induced writers call “comedy” just killed any enthusiasm I had in that game. Plus, the copy I had was messed up anyway so I couldn’t get far without it freezing.

As far as I’m aware, N-sane trilogy is an HD upgrade of the original PSX trilogy? And from the looks of it, it looks like all the trash coming from Dreamworks steeped in the hyperbolic logic that “it is animated. Thus, by the law of God, it MUST be silly and full of humor!”

It’s one thing to assume a cartoon needs to be funny, it’s another to bash the audience over the head with it… while being absolutely shit at it.

Gameplay wise, I think if developers took after Crash Bandicoot instead of SM64, 3D Platformers would’ve lasted longer. This is as arcade as a 3D platformer could get. On the other hand, it just… doesn’t interest me. I don’t know if it’s baggage from Mind over Mutant, or the general slapstick aesthetic, but i’m just not diggin it. I don’t know if the games have always been like this.

Course that got me thinking. Why do so many people overdo comedy relief?

 I mean, the MCU is one thing, but for several animated movies and/or videogames with anthromorphic characters to go this route? I’m shocked Sly Cooper played it straight for all of it’s entries. 

It might be just that misinformed millennial way of thinking when looking at the subject of cartoons. They see Looney Tunes and think “these cartoons are silly with all their slapstick humor, this must be the extent of their content!”. Nevermind that Looney Tunes was one of the smartest and classiest cartoons you could watch. It’s this prevalent attitude towards cartoons that has poisoned the Sonic fandom’s way of thinking. Because it is cartoony, it needs to be full of humor.

Hell, i’m starting to think the whole “Light and Dark” debate is less about the tone and more about maturity and silliness. Current Sonic is all about being funny and failing miserably. The same mentality that pervaded in Lost Mind, Boom, and possibly Forces is the same nonsense we’ve seen in All 4 One, Sacred 3, and Mind over Mutant. This isn’t just trying to be funny, it’s bashing you over the head with it. Constant attempts at humor at every inch and every corner. And it is repulsive. 

I don’t know anyone who finds this kind of humor funny. Children aren’t at all mentally capable of getting this kind of “comedy”. Adults certainly don’t find this shit funny. This form of comedy, where they feel like they’re debating with you on whether or not you should take any of their shit seriously, seems to be an attitude shared amongst Hollywood and the game industry at large. That because it is cartoony, it must be funny 100% of the time.

It’s this kind of shit that drives people toward Anime. A cesspool of pretentiousness and perversion.

But I’m getting off topic. I don’t know what to think about N-Sane Trilogy. Generally speaking, I enjoy retro collections, but why don’t they just go ahead and make an actual sequel? This is yet another PlayStation franchise after Ratchet to get remade and yet I hear nothing about an actual sequel. Ah right, Naughty Dog is too busy jackin off to interactive movies and fake difficulty. 

Maybe you could ask Heat about it. I know nothing of Crash Bandicoot.