Archive for November, 2013

They’re free to do so.

Don’t listen to Sillyconera’s suggestions. Streets of Rage, Vectorman, Golden Axe, mother fucking VIRTUAL-ON, and goddammit if someone doesn’t bring back E-SWAT or Gunstar Heroes.






3D Mario fails once again!

Can you see it Miyamoto!? The grand failure of 3D Mario rears it’s beautiful ass once more to tear down the grand illusion of your supreme arrogance!



I guess the japs caught wind of that last trailer and smelled another “puzzle-room” Ninturd coming a mile away.

Me tinks it’s time for Iwata to listen to them investors and drop the Pii U. Fucking Mario isn’t even saving it now. Not only that, it’s fucked in it’s first week of sales.

We could all theorize other reasons the game blundered. A huge lack of content it seems. It looks like a game that just slaps the NSMB aesthetics on and expects the 2D Mario fandom to lap it all up. The appeal of having 4 different characters with unique abilities like in SMB2 was a killer idea, but everyone smelled the “bullshit” of the dress physics lie that Miyamoto spit years ago. Japan LOVES 2D Mario, and they will NOT forgive the deception. Didn’t want to put Peach in NSMBW because they’d have to implement dress physics, then they put it in 3D Mario, you piece of shit! How dare you LIE to our faces!!! You cannot hope to express your UTTER LAZINESS and then expect people to FORGIVE you when you bother to implement desired features in undesired games.

And now the bed you made is the one where you rest. The folly of your enforcement of your “way to play” is denied. Rejected. Bitched-slapped.

So the only thing they really have left is Pokemon, eh? Might as well cancel that lovely “X” game and just make a Pokemon Stadium 3. The only reason people care about Pii U now is because Kamiya has become Nintarded.

Despite all the rage I have for this company, credit has to be given where credit is due. Due to financial situations and only having 17 points on PSN, I checked out S4E2 and said hell with it.

This game might’ve been the only real time that Sega listened to the fans for once. You see… they bothered to fix the mistakes and improve on what people asked for. I could care less for the Sonic design because I’m not that anal about details but holy shit did they make some eye candy zones!

The first zone capturing the essence of Marble Garden without making it an overbearing cutscene hotspot as well as giving it a nighttime backdrop was a damn good touch. As well, the ice cap zone that blends a theme park in the ground that looks like Balloon park from the racing mode (makes more sense than Ice Factory with a random casino level or a desert with a candy…. dimension.) and the Oil Desert itself actually looks more like the setting from House of the Dead 3.

Music is still copying styles for the hell of it, but they’re much better this time around. Oil Desert is a lil’ catchy I might add.

Initially, I took offense with the notion that the “team action” would be a required element to progress through the game. And while that is true, those moments are infrequent and not a complete bother except for Zone 3 of the Ice Cap where you have to swim through ice walruses (I hate those mother fuckers so much.) Still, I’d rather not be chained to an otherwise ok mechanic. Why is there a mini-cutscene to activate the damn thing anyone? Breaking the flow much?

Then there’s the special stages. The only tolerable one from Sonic 2 that Sega was intelligent enough to keep….. and they completely fucked that up. Mostly due to controls. In all variations of the Sonic 2 Special Stages, the controls were very loose and you could have Sonic zoom from side to side to collect rings. Feels like they done jacked up the friction in dis bitch. Sonic has no mobility for shit, so now the ability to collect rings is based on scripted timing. While it’s not necessary to get every ring in the stages, you have to memorize each of the paths coming up so you can get just enough of them without skipping a beat.

Another issue I have is the boss fights. Sonic games have gotten progressively worse boss battles as the games went on and on, and one of the biggest offenses is that many of them don’t have a clear definition of how you’re supposed to defeat them. It took me nearly 30 fucking minutes to figure out that I needed to use the flying “action” halfway into the first goddamn boss fight. And there’s a hit timer that prevents you from slapping him on the chaps after a second, damn I hate that shit!

Honestly, the Advance series didn’t have this kind of bullshit. If you’re gonna make a 2D Sonic game, don’t bring that asshole “3D boss pacing” bullshit into it! Boss battles are best when they do not have you waiting for the opponent to perform a specific animation after SEVERAL different attacks before you get the opportunity to strike. Boss fights must not last longer than 2 minutes tops. And thankfully it’s not an issue in this game (yet I think), but goddammit, those elements are right here… again!

Other than that, if they had continued making 2D Sonic like Episode 2, I’d support them on this. Unfortunately, like Nintendo and all developers sans Igarashi of Konami, there’s this implicit hatred of all things 2D, and instead (like Nintendo), they think they can just put “2D Sonic Aesthetics” into the 3D games and that the fandom will be ok with that. Thankfully, if Lost Mind is anything to go by, the fanbase isn’t that damn stupid.

Hmm… considering just how much better this game is than all the previous titles before it (specially that fucking Rivals), I wonder if this is why Ken Balough got fired.

I finally find that damn HD collection under 20 bucks! Hurray! Good. Maybe now I can wash the Nexus taste out of my mouth.

My first entry into Ratchet and Clank was at All 4 One so it’s kinda tainted my view of the series overall. I figured I might as well check out the originals figuring they’d be more laid back than the big bloated orchestrated epics of the “future” series as they call it. So far, the only one I’ve played was #1.

And I could’ve sworn I was playing an updated Toejam and Earl, holy shit. The music is laid back, sounds like it came out of the Sega Genesis itself, and has weird and ugly aliens like Toejam and Earl. And then there’s Ratchet who seemed to be in shape back then. Believe me, he looks fuckin weird in this game. Not just by graphics, but in general, he just looks fuckin WEIRD. He’s buff as shit, has cloud hoppers for feet, and sounds like a particular Ninja Turtle for some reason. He’s also a dick, apparently. I understand it’s the first game in the series, but man did he hate Clank. He’s more so into sports, money, and neat little toys like a new gun.

Streetwise Auto mechanic


I never imagined him to be an asshole, what with all the generic heroic traits he has in the BS3 games and so on. Why do I get the impression that he was supposed to be  Crash Bandicoot? And poor Clank. Having to put up with his shit throughout the game. And Ratchet’s smile is the scariest shit I’ve ever seen in video game history. Dat shit creeps me out something fierce.

The story itself seems more down to earth as well. A capitalist decides to take out chunks of entire planets(!!!!) to create a new home for his own people while everyone else…..gets left with shit. Just like Israel, but more blatant and in your face. But for those who want to live, they need to pony up the cash. Basically an allusion to class status of the rich and poor. There’s also some dumb kid who joined the army to get money for college. He didn’t think he’d end up in a war (fucking roffle).

And is it just me or is Skid McMarks the funniest name to ever be given to an alien?

Despite my initial praise, I kinda like the content of this game more than the future series. Comparing them side by side, this game is more down to earth in terms of it universe while the Future series seems more focused on being epic fantasies (the space pirates were really irritating, as well). That’s not really a negative of those titles, but I just like this more. And I had no idea that Qwark was a villain. Just thought he was a cowardly dick who became mayor.

It feels like Insomniac wanted to be “respected” for their games and started trying to impress Pixar Studios, shit the back of ACiT’s box blatantly says “the first game to give you that “This is like a Pixar Movie” experience”. This game has a lot more personality and “attitude” so to speak while the Future, though not bad games sans Into the Nexus, seems to have lost that aspect and became big space adventures. This one is about the little guy in a crapsack world taking down capitalist assholes… space. No fucking Cronk and Zephyr, no stupid bitch Talwyn, plus, Ratchet’s voiced by a fucking Ninja Turtle. That ups it’s cool points.

And this bitch is hard. I suppose only having 4 hit points had something to do with it, but you actually gotta think about what weapons to use in these situations, not to mention how sparse money is this time which limits you greatly considering that for every new item/upgrade you find in the game, you have to pony up cash. 1k-4k for every new item so wanting to spend cash on new weapons is quite…….uh… difficult. I’m tight with a dollar as it is, now the vidya games are punishing me for it.

The lack of auto aim doesn’t help much either seeing as I waste more ammo than need be. Plus, since Ratchet swings much more slowly in this game than in the other titles, melee attacks are much riskier than before. I’ve been spoiled by the feeling of power I had from Tools of Destruction, apparently. But unlike Bayonetta, this is the good kind of “hard”. See, when there are viable solutions that aren’t countered by enemies nearly 95% of the time, the game becomes a little fun with that kind of challenge. None of this bullshit “endurance test” nonsense.

I can’t shake the feeling, though, that this was supposed to be a PC game, though. You spend more time doing all these sidequests for people and looking for infobots, and how the cutscenes play out would be how a cutscene in a PC game would also play out. No music when the voice actors are at work. The need for gadgets to progress for certain areas. Bad controls. It has all the looks and feeling of a standard PC adventure game in this regard.

Otherwise, I’m only halfway finished with this one, I think, but it’s making up for the drek of ITN for sure. I just hope the other 2 games in this package are of similar erm… quality and taste.

Oh Sonic Stadium, you never cease to amuse me.

I’ve said this a million times to a couple of Casters on the side that The Sonic Stadium is a complete shill site. For those who don’t know what a shill is, refer to the phrase “damage control” or “nut ride” if you prefer. Either way, they exist to tell you and everyone that your complaints mean dick. They exist everywhere from gaming forums to TV networks like CNN and Faux, and even in your neighborhood if you happen to be against mandated healthcare simply due to the boule house nigga in charge being black.

Whatever the case maybe, they are the bane of all disgruntled peoples. They are the ultimate bureaucrats. They are always in support of the system no matter how flawed. Why? Cause a bitch needs paper.

This particular piece is a euphemism to older Sonic fans saying “you’re going to die sooner or later, so we will choose not to address your complaints. Just die already“. See, just like another asshole on facebook, this person implicates that the fans (the people who have financial power over Sega) are the REAL problem. Not Sega’s direction.

First off, the names this site uses for articles are worse than the title of Sonic Colors (srsly, what in the hell does “vertical slice” mean for a Sonic site?) But, since I’m not good at naming a site either (I should’ve used “contrarian thinking” instead of “conflicting views”) lets pick this bitch apart like we always do.

Hello and welcome to the first article in TSSZ’s newest column, Vertical Slice, with me, Michael Westgarth. There’s a good chance that you don’t know who I am, but don’t worry – you will.

Remind us why we should care.

As I assume is the case with essentially all TSSZ readers, I’ve played a lot of Sonic the Hedgehog games and have even enjoyed some of them.

Anyone who’s writing for this trash site should have played some form of a Sonic game and enjoyed some of them for some reason. I mean, it’s some…. “fansite”, no?

As such, I’m aware of the immensely strong and vocal Western “sect” of the Sonic fandom and the so-called hardships they’ve had to endure i.e. ridicule by gamers, ridicule by the gaming press and more shoddy Sonic games than you can shake a stick at.

*linked to Sonic Labyrinth*. I must question the super specific attention that Sonic fans give to Sonic Labyrinth. Certainly, it’s a flawed game, but I can point out MUCH WORSE than that shit. No one speaks of Sonic Blast, for instance. The desire to forget that game ever existed is understandable, that shit should’ve never been given the greenlight, but really? Labyrinth is the only game you could find fault with on the Game Gear!? Also, if you wanted to pick a shoddy Sonic game, wouldn’t it be more logical to choose from an era that has had WORSE quality control? You know, after 2003? Where Sonic games got drastically WORSE? I don’t see how anyone can like Sonic Rivals. Sonic games from the 90s had objectively better quality control and with that, Sonic was actually popularity making it NOT a bad thing to like Sonic games back then. It didn’t become an embarrassment to like Sonic until now, so choosing a Game Gear Sonic title is both illogical and asinine. Probably someone who hates “classicfags” or whatnot.

I would feel bad for my fellow Sonic fans, but on far too many occasions I’ve found myself stepping back and observing the nature and behaviour of the collective Sonic fandom consciousness and concluded that they probably deserve such “plights”.

Hey, that’s the way to get on everyone’s good side! Agree that Sonic fans are piss taking-ly annoying! You know what’s great about agreeing with this message? The knowledge that Sega fans are Sonic fans, but Sonic fans are NOT Sega fans!

This month has seen a new addition to the “Sonic’s Most Wanted” list, Sonic Colours, Sonic Generations and Sonic Lost World writer Ken Pontac – a man who had the audacity to contribute to a Sonic game without first familiarising himself with the breadth and depth of Sonic “canon”. Fans gasped in horror as Pontac explained during an informal interview held at Youmacon that he wasn’t even aware of the modern classics that are Sonic Adventure and Sonic Adventure 2.

I have yet to see anyone get on Pontac’s case for not having knowledge of Sonic games prior to Colors. Most I’ve seen were people being pissed off at the right people (Neo Sega) for not providing jack shit for them to work with. Yes, Sonic fans are bastards, but perhaps we shouldn’t put words in people’s mouths just to get a point across.

What were Sega thinking? Hiring someone like Ken Pontac to write Sonic games is akin to hiring homeless man to bring back Elmo’s World without said tramp knowing the words to, and the first appearance of, the classic Sesame Street song “If Moon Were Cookie” as performed by the Cookie Monster – a crime that should carry no less than a quadruple death penalty.

Of course, I’m being sarcastic

And unfunny.

for one thing, Elmo’s World was an absolute crock of shit – but I have to make jokes of such things for fear of becoming morbidly depressed.

Who fucking cares!?

Sega are responsible for Pontac’s Sonic-knowledge: If Sega thought it important for Pontac to know the true origins of Shadow the Hedgehog, they would have provided Pontac with the material required for him to educate himself.

Saying that, I’m not even sure if Sega ever decided on Shadow’s true origin – not that it matters in the slightest.

Where’s the proof that they are not responsible for Pontac’s Sonic-knowledge? They hired him to make a fucking narrative based on a franchise with an obvious history spanning 2 decades. Not to mention it’s a pretty big ass deal to gamers.

You mean to tell me that Sega can force the American teams to follow after the Japanese storyline going all the way to changing names (From Robotnik to the retarded “Eggman”) and locations (Not Mobius, but generic ass “Earth”), hiring and firing voice actors to keep up with “continuity” between a self-produced anime and the video games themselves, all forced for international versions because they feel it’s…. “necessary” for international fans to familiarize themselves with the “Japanese” story of Sonic the hedgehog, not because it’s any better but because of their Oriental ego, but it’s absolutely a-ok to NOT inform any new staff on how they want Sonic characters to be portrayed in future installments of the Sonic franchise!? Bitch, you sippin on a yac?

Pontac cannot make major creative decisions: It’s incredibly unlikely that Pontac has the creative freedom necessary to drastically alter the Sonic games he works on. Basic narrative decisions are likely made higher up in Sega once gameplay mechanics, initial concept art and character design have already been decided upon. For example, Sega’s creation – not Pontac’s – of Sonic Lost World‘s Deadly Six.

He wasn’t given notes on any other characters besides the 6 deadly retards. Why? Because Sega cares more about their bullshit Japanese mythology, with some ugly ass AOSTH drawings based off of Japanese Oni (my ass) than a cast of characters that have established fanbases?

Why did Pontac have to go onto to goddamn Wikipedia if Sega has already displayed the AUDACITY to give him notes on specific characters? Does that make any sense?

Sonic games are aimed at children: Modern Sonic games are not aimed at the 20-30 years olds that grew up with Sonic 2 and a pile of Archie comic books – they’re aimed at children.

Goddamn this pervasive fucking mentality.

Alright, let me lay it on yah. Children are not buying Sonic games. Not that they could considering the outrageous prices, but children aren’t digging Sonic games. Why is that? Because their tastes are already being catered to by other franchises. Comic Book Super Heroes, Beyblade, Ninja Turtles, Skylanders, and mother fucking POKEMON are what the kids are into these days. Hardly any of them can identify Sonic the Hedgehog. Not only that, but there was a giant memo that children aren’t even the majority of gamers. The old stank ass 30 year olds are the ones profiting from gaming entertainment because they’re the only ones who can afford that shit. Not to mention that Sega made their mark by APPEALING TO OLDER GAMERS!

Where did this “THINK OF THE CHILDREN!” shit come from other than Sega running away from their actual audience because they know damn well the older gamers they used to serve won’t just up and swallow their bullshit anymore? Sega just thinks children are stupid enough to buy anything, but what they forget that Children are heavily regulated people. Children are monitored by worrisome mothers about how much time they spend doing ANYTHING, that includes video games considering all the nonsense controversies about how gaming destroys your mind. Not to mention that games are treated as rewards for good deeds and grades. Considering America’s testing scores are constantly below average, it’s safe to say them kiddies ain’t gettin shit for christmas. Teenagers and Adults have less regulation on them and more freedom to purchase whatever they damn well please which is why so many games this generation are “rated M for money”.

Sure, the highest selling games are usually holding that “E-Rating”, but a close examination (done by actually READING the fucking label) will show you that these games are for “everyone“. Meaning “everyone” is the target audience. Sonic games aren’t rated “Early Children”, and won’t be anytime soon, so why the fuck would aiming Sonic towards children be a good idea? Children think Wolverine is cool.

Children are attracted to entertainment that treats them like regular people (mildly sanitized, but I digress). They don’t like getting “special treatment” because for some fucked up reason, adults think children are still into the crap they were fed when they were still shittin diapers. One of the biggest advantages of the Star Wars movies was that they were films that parents could take their children to see, not be fearfull that their minds would be destroyed, and they could ALL have equal amounts of fun even with some of the more serious actions going on like Luke’s arm getting chopped off or Han Solo getting frozen in metal (that shit was creepy.). Infact, a lot of the shit that kids are into happen to have content that appeals to adults in some fashion. Pixar seems to be the only damn cartoon producers who understand this. Watch The Incredibles and tell me if that’s for “children”. Then watch Winnie the Pooh and try to tell me the real reason those movies bombed at the box office.

That said, drop this “Sonic is for children” shit because as far as I and anyone else is concerned, that is a VERY dangerous move on Sega’s part. If they WANT your money, they need to make Sonic as it once was. Mass Market. And you can’t have mass market exclusively with a heavily regulated audience and these outrageous prices in this economy. It ain’t gonna work.

Times change, and what appealed to children in 1992 with Sonic 2 and to teenagers in 2000 with Sonic Adventure 2 do not necessarily appeal to the kids of today.

Did this guy honestly imply that Teenagers would be into Sonic’s Lost Mind?

Simply put, this decade’s millennials who are getting Sonic Lost World this Christmas don’t know or care about Nack the fucking Weasel, and as such, neither do Sega.

VG Cats - I can't believe it's not Updated_1367606609993

Wow, Nack the Weasel!? Really scraping the bottom of the barrel for insults, aren’t we? No one in the fanbase cares about this character, not even the people who know about him. As long as he exists in one medium (the comics), then there’s not much to worry about anywho. But really…. Nack the Weasel? How lame is this asswipe?

How much flanderization must you do just to say Sonic fans don’t have any logical arguments to make? Pointing out a character that NO ONE cares about is your best retort? Hey, the kiddies don’t care about Badniks either, but Sega saw fit to bring those things back. Huh? Huh? I went there mother fucker! COME AT ME BRO!

Stupid ass writers at this site.

But the thing that has me scratching my head the most about this whole situation is the idea that Sonic “canon” – if it can even be called that – is something worth preserving in future games.

We’re talking about a series of games whose defining entries followed the same basic storyline – a blue talking hedgehog foils the plans of egg-shaped man. It’s a simple premise that offered Sega the flexibility it needed to produce the vast array of Sonic games we have today.

If it’s one thing I learned about Sega fandom, they care more about preserving the personalities, powers, and traits of the Sonic Characters themselves rather than the “canon”. The Canon was destroyed as soon as Sonic Advance was made. Sega up and stopped giving a fuck about preserving anything of their franchises after the death of the Dreamcast. But no, really, we don’t care how the story went. We don’t care about timelines. But we enjoy our characters being preserved. EVERYONE enjoys their favorite characters being portrayed a certain way. And if they do certain things in a “canon” that they have done for a long time up until certain points, that’s called “consistency”. And believe it or not, people LOVE consistency. Think about any woman you might’ve been attracted to, and then they change their hairstyle. Shit drives a mutha fucka insane. Afterall, it’s the meme for Devil May Cry.

Someone call the MIB, this guy is looking unfamiliar right now!

You could change the story for all we care, but don’t touch the damn characters! No one cares how Wolverine handles his business in the film franchise because he’s still fucking Wolverine. Deadpool, HELL HAVETH NO FURY!!!!

Tell me, dear Sonic-canon apologist, where does Sonic Drift 2 fit into Sonic chronology?

When does one simply try to hard to prove a fallacy?

There is no Sonic canon, just a whole load of loosely connected videogames – most of which were aimed at children – released over a period of two decades. You’d have an easier time figuring out the Zelda timeline than the Sonic one. Hell, Final Fantasy VIII is easier to explain than Sonic’s clusterfuck of a “back story”.

If anything, Sega’s – not Pontac’s – decision to effectively reboot the series with Sonic Colours and Sonic Lost World was an incredibly wise move

Notice the lacking mention of Sonic Generations which…..establishes continuity between several of the games in the series. How would Retard Sonic know that Retro Sonic’s future would be great as he says? Why does this game take place after Sonic Colors which is promptly featured in said game?

Any arguments made about Sonic having no continuity are destroyed by the very existence of Sonic Generations. Sonic Colors can’t even be described as a reboot thanks to Generations coming out a year later.

Newcomers to the series – and there most certainly are new comers – aren’t bogged down with annoying, unimportant characters. Long time fans, on the other hand, get to play something fresh and original that holds onto the core “blue hedgehog versus egg shaped man” storyline without drudging up the Sonic series’ several embarrassing, inter-species relationships.

Aww geez, did yah have to play the “Sonic’s friends suck” card? Apparently this guy is once again beckoning the call for “Sonic only” fests even though we’re getting just that. I also like how we’re going back to Sonic and Elise’s relationship as if Knuckles didn’t have relations with a human cat girl.

That’s right. Knuckles had Jungle fever back in the day. No wonder he’s borderline retarded now. Hmm, Sonic’s also gotten pretty stupid too. Damn that human tang. It’s a kick in the ass, ain’t it?

Articles like this are something that must be combated. Sonic fandom has a nasty stigma that is enabling Sega and their idiotic supporters to continue the eventual destruction of Sonic the Hedgehog. And I for one am tired of this bullshit.

Oh look at this fantastic nonsense.

I don’t think it would be entirely constructive to reply to each and every point.

This is something that’s been buggin me for quite some time. Since when did quoting and rebuking individual parts of a lengthy (and shitty) post become something to be criticized? I don’t know where gamers got this idea from that there is a certain way to respond to someone’s argument. Probably from college. Thats the only institution of cocksuckers that deduct points from your perfectly constructed research paper because you didn’t cite your sources in a specific format. The shit white folks can come up with. A right and wrong way to tell people where you got yo info from.

You know what? Fuck that hiatus.

Gameplay does not attract people to the game, but it can alienate people from the game.

It’s been quite a loooooooong time since I revisited Bayonetta. Mostly because I play too many games and working, but mainly because the game just isn’t interesting enough to keep playing for a good while.

I finally beat the game, however, after the trials and tribulations of having a grand total of 46 deaths. Yeah, I counted.

I can safely say that Bayonetta is quite frankly a HAM. Why would I say this? Because this game is reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeally fucking hard.

It’s difficult to say a game is terrible because of it’s difficulty. It’s easy to disregard anyone who claims a game is bad because it is hard as it is perceived as a mark of weakness. Gamers are prone to extolling games for difficulty out of some desire to claim that society is weak and spoiled. Most would say you suck at a game even if you don’t imply it.

I don’t think I could claim any game is bad due to difficulty except for this game overall. DMC3 was obnoxious with those Vergil fights, but this title takes the cake. This game feels nigh impossible in many situations, but there are several factors of why this game is hard. And why it’s ultimately a bad thing.

1. 3D and Camera issues.

I’ve stated in the past that a challenging game is better in 2 dimensions than 3. After this game, I hold steadfast to that claim. It is undeniable that this game is hard more so because it is in the 3D. And that is not a good thing. Allow me to explain. I’ve read on a particular forum that making a Zelda game in 2D makes it easier to asses the area and the situation at hand. This is because, as the game is being viewed on a flat surface (2 Dimensional output), your depth perception is measured by the X and Y Axis. This is perfect as it is much easier to concentrate on your surroundings.

However, it was stated on said forum that Zelda games are usually best in 3D because in 3D, you don’t have full visual access to your surroundings and thus must explore in order to find all the goodies abound. It’s bullshit reasoning as it justifies intricate puzzles, but I understand that all 3D games operate on this logic in some regard. 3D games are best suited when it comes to exploration based gaming. With the addition of the Z axis, your visual depth perception, however, is affected tremendously. If said 3D game has any bout of combat, the game becomes a little difficult because now you may have to play around with the camera to get a gist of your surroundings as well as deal with enemies off-screen. Not to mention if you have mostly close range attacks, then measuring your distance from an enemy is hampered by this visualfuck.

For example, lets say you’re playing RE4 and for some stupid reason you want to knife an enemy. You don’t want to get to close, but just close enough to slash at them. There may be moments where you might slash the zombie, but there may also be cases where you miss because you thought you were close enough. In order to get better depth perception, often times you must situate the camera so that your character is on a left/right side while the enemies are on the right/left side. The exception are games with long range attacks (that are useful, that is). This is why First/Third Person Shooters aren’t such a huge problem because you’re mostly using a cross on a flat surface to target enemies and pull the trigger. You’re not required to do any more than that. But for action games with only close range attacks, it becomes a nightmare.

The games might not be such a visual screw if the camera is up close and personal, but Bayonetta’s camera is so far back from the action, the most you can do is wing it. Bayonetta is a pretty tiny character when you look at her from the perspective of that asshole camera. Your greatest enemy will be that camera, especially when fighting enemies like Grace and Glory. Oh those bastards can make someone gray in the hairs.

So the first problem is the issue of Bayonetta being a 3D game with shitty camera issues. Don’t believe me? Check out this vid with the boss fight of baby face tentacle rape.

This is one of the more annoying boss fights due to be situated on tiny platforms with very little room to maneuver. Note the position of the camera is level with Bayonetta’s ass. Note the constant barrage of tentacle attacks, but most importantly, note the poison spray attacks. These attacks were confusing to judge their distance on. Concerning the low camera view, it’s hard to take note of how close or far the poison spray is from you, so evading it and moving on to hitting the baby head becomes a choir. I like how the camera only zooms out when platforms are being destroyed.

This camera, combined with the nigh unpredictable attack patterns of the boss, make for an exercise in pain.

2. Chaotic situations.

Speaking of unpredictable attacks, I recall the very first boss fight, I think it was that 2 headed dragon or what not. It seems as though as soon as you start the fight, you have at least half a second to dodge an incoming bite that takes out a large chunk of your health. That is fucked up design beyond all reason.

Anywho, it isn’t to say that simply having the game in 2D makes a hard game a “fair challenge”. You might be familiar with the term “Bullet Hell”. IE, Shmups that have a “lot of shit” that you must dodge and avoid to not die. It borders on fucking insanity half the time as you have shit flying at you from all directions and you’re expected to avoid all that like a pro. Normal human eyes can’t process loads and loads of shit all at once, unless you’re a freak of a nature (like me. Shmup king here biznotches). Tis why people still often have trouble with games like Contra and the like.

In 2D, it’s still easier to asses the situation and the area. In 3D, however, you don’t have full visual access to your surroundings. So when you’re fighting bosses, often times they will throw loads and loads of bullshit your way, and you probably won’t see it coming. There is so much other shit to pay attention to (like where you’re going), camera fiddling, and even the field of battle changing before your very eyes. Amma help you if there are some QUICK TIME EVENTS thrown into the mix for any particular reason. For example, Jeanne fight#4. Nevermind that bitch has factually unpredictable attacks (Aside from those damn weaves), you also have to contend with random missile attacks where you have to quickly press 2 buttons before it hits you. Your mind could be focused on attacking that crazy bitch from all sides as you were trained to keep all eyes on her and her signals, but now you have to pay attention from external, off-screen attacks as well.

I won’t comment on the final boss as Final bosses are supposed to be hard, but the part where the room is frozen and you have to avoid ground and aerial freeze bombs while they both come at you at the same time is obnoxious as fuck.

Now, you already have the chaotic battle fields going on. Chaos is that which cannot be predicted. Enemies operate in the same function. When you have enemies like Grace and Glory who have nigh unpredictable attack patterns, it’s usually best to keep your distance. Course, when you’re fighting a pair (which is all the time), the focus is much more difficult as one may be in the background while you’re dealing with one in the front. Some of these sneaky mother fuckers have energy waves and can blast you from afar when you’re not even looking because… you know, you have to keep yourself from getting slashed in the neck by the other claw thingy wishing to eviscerate you.

3. Feeling Powerless.

If you recall, I had several grievances against the game Ninja Gaiden 3 Razor’s Edge, easily the death of one of the greatest action game franchises of all time. One of which were enemies that could dodge, block, and counter almost everything you could throw at them. The only thing you could do was use charge attacks and hope the enemies would die from that. It’s almost the same thing here except there’s no auto-win mechanic to abuse. You WILL die… a lot.

When it came to fighting Grace and Glory the first time around, I learned that getting to close to them was a bad idea. I used shot guns at first, but overtime that strategy wouldn’t work as the enemies started to block those attacks. Then I had the idea of using the whip as I could still maintain my distance. Overtime, that didn’t work. Then, I used the katana and just winged it because it was powerful enough. Overtime… THAT didn’t work. It seemed as the further I progressed into the game, all of my tactics started becoming ineffective. I had to check my blood pressure to see if my final death in this game wouldn’t be my own. Since I couldn’t find anymore record pieces, I figured whatever weapons I missed out on were out of reach permanently and the game didn’t balance out to compensate for my lacking equipment. So what happens is that combat is a pain in the ass primarily because the enemies start entering probeastgodmode and dominate my ass. It doesn’t help that after they block your attack, you’re stunned and even when I’m slamming that fucking dodge button, it doesn’t want to work before they slap my ass into the air and do those gay ass air combos to take out a chunk of your health.

And a good majority of these enemies are pretty fast too. So predicting their attacks, combined with the zoomed out camera and the sometimes tiny models of these enemies……it’s all a bitch. And it’s not just camera screws, the enemies sometime have these little “auras” surrounding them, like fire or electricity which is constantly in motion, so that makes it even worse when trying to read these enemies when they have these graphical effects in the way. And fire enemies have to be handled delicately because you can’t harm them up close. But fuck, if you try long ranged attacks, you have about a 20% chance of success at killing them if they aren’t a grace or glory enemy.  Kamiya was not using his brain when designing this game.

4. Control issues.

When it comes to action games like this, the controls simply… have… to… be… perfect. You cannot fuck them up for any reason. Or better yet, let the PLAYER reconfigure them to their heart’s desires. This game offers no control configuration option whatsoever, so you’re dealing with control problems. My only real complaint is the dodge button is situation on a pressure sensitive shoulder button. Kamiya has NEVER gotten the dodge thing right. DMC2 wasn’t even made by Kamiya which is probably why it worked for once, but when it comes to making dodging in his games, he fucks it up so much. First off, dodging attacks is highly essential to your survival and a key component of one of your special gimmicks which is witch time, a mechanic that slows down time for a good 3 seconds for you to get free hits on your enemies.

Which would be nice if dodging was placed on the Circle button like in DMC2, but Japanese devs tend to despise everything about projects they’re not involved. Using R2 for dodging is awful. Dealing with pressure shoulders on Gamecube was bad enough, but see… you press them bitches down, they go straight down into the mother fucker. BS3’s shoulders just gotta be slanted. That does not feel natural for any game for any length of time. Especially when it comes to the most important ability you could have in this game. I don’t know if it’s bad springs, but it doesn’t really feel like you’re pressing anything without breaking them. And sometimes, the fucking move won’t even work. If you’re simply dodging out of combos, or even just running around trying to avoid enemies, there are cases where the dodge move simply won’t work. Think I broke the damn R2 button playing this game. I want to say I’m pressing it at the wrong time, but if I’m pressing the button right before the enemy attacks, and the bitch just keeps running around before eating a combo, something is fucked up.

Aside from that, the game feels very floaty. A floaty action game is going to be pretty bad. Since there is a focus on aerial combat to an extent, having floaty jumps is a big no no. Floatiness means less mobility in the air, and for a game where being in the air might have some advantages to combat, this ain’t workin at all.

5. Retread Bosses.

It’s not enough that you have had to conquer some of the most infuriating boss battles in your entire life. But when the game throws the same finger missile, head laser boss at you for not one… not 2, but 3 fucking times, where does one simply find the top level of pisstivity? Throwing the same bosses at you several times throughout the game is not fun. Especially bosses that take more than 10 minutes to kill. You have a retread level where you fight Fortitudo and Finger Missile statue thing in a row, and they take for fucking ever to kill. The game is sadistic.

Perhaps it’s because I’m playing the “inferior” version or w/e, but when you have all these issues combined (camera, sporadic battlefields, nigh-invincible enemies, and mildly crappy controls, and not to mention and very poor frame rate), you have a game that is much harder than it needs to be. The impaired focus along with “high-octaine action” simply does not create a game that is anywhere near the term enjoyable. It beats F-Zero GX’s story mode in tedium on ALL accounts. Now, when you combine that with generally boring content about a witch who’s dress code is a bad weave, incredibly… and I mean INCREDIBLY bland environments (that you’re forced to revisit, I might add), forgettable characters and music (aside from the chapter menu and ending credits themes), the game as a whole is nowhere near the term “niche”. “Shit” is much more appropiate. And I’m saddened by this. Kamiya was the main somabish behind Devil May Cry, probably one of the most enjoyable action games of all time. None of those games (aside from perhaps 3) had ANY of the problems Bayonetta has. I’m not sure if it was meddling from Sega or whatnot, but this does not seem like a Kamiya game at all. It’s like some pre-teen’s fucked up idea of a Michael Bay movie, something you couldn’t blame a pre-teen for thinking seeing how awful Bay’s movies are. But how do you move from having a nearly decent camera in DMC4 to some bullshit completely zoomed out view point in Bayonetta?

Kamiya was not using his brain when designing this game, and feels like a futile effort to pad it out with overly long battles like with NG3RE. It’s as if it was a game thrown together by a child. And seeing Kamiya’s behavior in regards to people asking about Bayonetta 2 (“FUCK OFF YOU EXCLUSIVES GAMERS” on twitter recently), immediately wanting to be second party to Nintendo just for funding a sequel to a game that clearly bombed and for good reason, and talking about crafting Bayonetta’s ass perfectly, I’d have to wonder why I ever respected this person at all. It’s clear he’s lost his goddamn mind and is incapable of making rational decisions, which seems to be a running gag for everyone who ever worked for capcom. Inafune makes MM9 and 10 for “creative reasons”, Mikami wanted to keep Resident Evil 4 exclusive to a console with no real install base, and Kamiya got “creative”. I don’t know why Capcom’s ex-devs have such a raging hard on for Nintendo, btw. But I have to laugh at the rage for Bayonetta 2 being exclusive to the Pii U in the first place. My initial assumptions were right on the money that this game simply isn’t worth being mad about in the first place. And it’s much worse than I had thought as well.

Now, if Nintendo got a hold of lets say “Metal Gear Rising 2” or “Anarchy Reigns 2” for Pii U, then I will join in the fucking rage. But for Bayonetta, a game that is hard for no good reason, I laugh myself to death.

I also just realized. Bayonetta got a hair cut because Nintendo is a castrated pussy that fears nudity.

This game out yet? Well, check out how Nintendo plans on advertising this bitch.

Lets see, the primary cracka is dressed in casual clothing, a sweater with jeans and sneakers while in an environment set in the middle ages (the setting for Zelda in general), 2 moments with the caveman drawing gameplay in what can be considered the worst animation ever. Only one element of danger with flaming arrows, and then the master sword is collected.

How lazy is this advertising? They don’t even give you the sense that this game is filled with adventure, the focus is on that damn novelty of morphing into graffiti. If you’re gonna do a crappy Zelda commercial, at least put some hippity hop into dat shit!

You never advertise the gimmick as the main point of the game, especially something as retarded as caveman drawings. We should be ever so grateful that horrid Lost Mind commercial did not show off the Magenta Music Note.

Nintendo is clinically insane if they’re advertising their new found philosophy on what makes a game cool and fun. Gameplay mechanics don’t make the game fun. Does that shit look fun to you, my audience of 300? Caveman drawing adventures in order to complete dungeons? I don’t have strong impressions of this game already, but through virgin eyes, that advert would make gamers abstinent from A Link between Worlds.

Nintendo used to know how to draw people into their games. Now they have no interest in drawing anyone in. They seem to be more interested in impressing journalists who can’t see quality beyond novelty.

Short, let down, and incredibly buggy, Ratchet and Clank Into the Nexus is proof that I must be cursed.

Any series I start to show interest in slowly starts to become ass for some reason. Resident Evil, Soul Calibur, Ninja Gaiden….. damn near everything I’ve played on PS3 that’s a part of  a series, really. Goddamn, I am so pissed at this game.

First off, this game as touted as some sort of “rap up” for the future series w/e the hell that means, but this game’s story doesn’t really rap up anything. It’s more like a side adventure that makes a few references to previous games like using a dimensionator to call forth nethers or w/e. The previous explained all of their concepts fairly well, but this game showed no desire to go beyond the narrative. ACiT? The Time Clock being the thing that stabilizes the fabric of time and space at the center of the universe. That’s epic, out there, big idea stuff! Nothing about the nethers are interesting as they’re just generic aliens with no motive than to destroy the world. And they’re less threatening than cuddles from A4O. The game starts off nicely, but ends off with the most anticlimatic ending out there. “That’s It!?” is the only thing that could echo in my mind.

Not only that, but that bitch Talwin is back. Why is she even in this game? Far as I can see, no one likes her. She had been useless since her very first appearance. Her non-presence was a plus to ACiT, but here she is to bug you about every little detail while she does absolutely dick for every inch of this game. Qwark has no purpose in this game either, though his screen time is short lived. It feels like there was literally no effort put into the story or the mythos this time around, and it expands on NOTHING from the previous games. Not to mention it’s length that makes it feel like a complete waste of time.

Gameplay wise, I’ve already talked about the controls, and while they aren’t a total hindrance, I do feel that “aerial combat” with the  jetpack was less than intuitive, and a giant pain in my ass. Overall though, aside from the fetch quests, there’s nothing else to do in the game after you complete it. Oh there’s an extra tournament, but after the 3rd time, it doesn’t have much fun factor seeing as all it does is give you stricter time limits to complete an objective and fight a repeat boss.

The overall game itself is basic Ratchet and Clank stuff, but it seems to play worse than previous titles, what with you only having the ability to shoot in one direction along with the netherworld segments that are few and far between. You get the feeling that there was very little work put into the game in comparison to… to fucking A4O even.

And…..the game has bugs up the ass. Sound delays occur frequently in the swamp planet, and I don’t know why it saves after every gargathon horn I collect. I’ve noticed that BS3 games tend to work better or worse depending on how the game loads or saves, and everytime this game saves anything, the sound effects start to delay heavily. I’ve also noticed that some hover boot ramps don’t work, so you might be speeding around one day and then fall in swamp water because the ramp wouldn’t launch you properly. Another thing is that enemies have a tendency to hit you with attacks even when you’re in a position which you can easily avoid the attack (like say they do a horizontal swing while you’re jumping, they have a few cases where they can still hit you).

But that’s not what really pisses me off. See, I went into the weapon shop, I’ve got like 6 weapons all maxed out already, and I decided to try out a few weapons I have yet to buy. I tried out the Nightmare box in it’s demo or w/e, but as soon as I exit out, the game freezes on me. So, I had to force the system to shut off. Now, here’s the bullshit. When I reload my save, I check my weapon inventory…….. my shit is GONE! All I have is a lv. 1 Combuster and that fucking Nightmare Box! I didn’t even BUY the damn thing! All my weapons are back in the shop, and I gotta rebuy them and upgrade them all over again!? Sonic 06 had better programming!

Nope, soon as I find that receipt, I’m getting my 30 bucks back. Shit. This game is ass, and I’m not talking about the well-toned female ass, I’m talking Kuma farting bear ass. The game gives off the feeling and sense that no real time or care went into it. Shallow story, only 2 real levels out of the whole damn game while everything else is some silly mission based scheme, and has a nasty bug infestation. And that smuggler is gettin on my last nerve!

I also like how everyone is ass-kissing this game because it’s cheap (in every sense of the word) and “the first real ratchet game since ACiT”. Bitches didn’t have to wait 15 WHOLE YEARS like the Mario fans did for a real Mario game.

And the writer for the series is gone too? Yep, so much for a Sonic substitute. Maybe I’ll have better luck with Sly Cooper. Watch out fanbase, you better hope I hate that series!

I need to stay off Facebook.

Considering all the FBI/CIA collusions going around, that is. 😛

It’s quite sad that the only bit of interest in Sonic is the on-going retardation of the fanbase. I don’t know if this is some estranged attempt to troll people or not, but when you have a fandom that is so goddamned ignorant of reality, they make for entertaining posts.

A question for the fans… After the Dreamcast failed to gain enough support, Nintendo stepped in and helped SEGA find a new exclusive home within their company through the Adventure and Advance series, and these titles sold the most out of many and were the most popular Sonic titles, and to this day Sonic games on handhelds are considered the best of the bunch with the Rush series seeing fair praise and more…

First off, Sega didn’t need any help. They had been developing games across platforms since the 80s. Hell, they even supported the Neo Geo Pocket. For the most part, Sega had been making and porting a lot of their titles to the PC way before they thought of Nintendo. Also, the sales part is incorrect. Sonic Heroes on the PS2 sold more than Sonic Adventure 2 altogether. The Advance games barely sold at all, and aren’t referenced much because they’re mediocre and poorly designed after the first. Plus, Sonic games were competing against Mario and Pokemon on Nintendo’s turf. Sega has a much bigger advantage on a console where 3rd party games have a chance in hell to sell. Capcom was the only developer so far that could meet Nintendo halfway on their own turf. No one outside of the core fanbase even cares about the handheld titles, including the Rush games.

The myth of Sonic’s handheld outings being “the best of the best” honestly needs to be destroyed. Are they more enjoyable than the console games? By far, yes. Are they memorable? Do they leave an impact on you? Fuck naw. Wanna know why? The handhelds are only good for gameplay reasons. Content wise, they’re shit.

That would’ve been fine though had the content remotely resembled the console Sonic games (when they were still good at least). The Advance and Rush series were so goddamned bizarre, they felt like a completely different series altogether. You know what you’re getting when you play a Pokemon game because they all have the same essence overall. How the fuck do you expect me to compare Sonic Adventure to Sonic Advance when they’re so different in everything they do? You can’t draw any real connections beyond character appearances, it’s like a marvel cartoon and a marvel live-action movie.

It don’t work out very well!

So a simple answer, why do you hate so much for Sonic to be exclusive once more now on Nintendo consoles and why do you ridicule and burn SEGA over doing exactly what they did some time ago today?

Simple Answer? Ok. No one wants to buy a piece of shit console to buy a piece of shit game.

Sonic is not desirable enough to warrant the purchase of a new console, especially one as dysfunctional and confused as the Pii U. People don’t enjoy buying hardware because it’s expensive and usually only do so out of some perceived necessity. Most people don’t care what kind of Computer they get as long as they get to do what they want with them (porn online fuck yer).

There is no benefit to owning a Pii U like there was with a Wii. But a much bigger reason is Nintendo fans usually get inferior Sonic titles anyway. Sonic Unleashed Wii is a castrated mess, even if it is better designed, it’s boring and missing 2 worlds. The HD consoles have 2 generally more interesting Sonic games. You know why? Because Sega bought into the “casual” marketing hype generated by the American game industry that painted Wii owners as a bunch of unmitigated retards who deserve nothing but the bottom of the barrel. So Nintendo fans would be discriminated against with shitty games. That includes Sonic.

That said, putting Sonic on a Nintendo console means putting in less effort. That combined with Sega’s lacking care for Sonic in general and you have a deadly combination of chunks to blow. With that, you have LESS reason to be excited for Sonic games to be exclusive for Nintendo consoles. Nintendo fans have very low expectations and no real sense of quality which gives Sega a reason to put in NO effort. It’s harder to please HD fans considering the higher prices they have to pay (because they ALSO bought into the “used games” lie). Sega can essentially get away with not giving a fuck about Sonic by offering it to an audience that does not care about quality. Remember their 08 fuck it clause? Where they blatantly said they were going to market it to children? Come on, a company that is too damn cheap to rehire Unionized Ryan Drummond and lies about ingredients used in their restaurants (yeah, Sega owns food joints) and you expect them to put in work for a series they do not like?

Yeah, there’s just… SO MUCH REASON to support their decision now, isn’t it?! Fuck wit.

You loved seeing him on Nintendo consoles back then, and never cared his exclusivity with Nintendo then either, so why have have the tables turned today?

Because then Sonic went mult-platform. And Sonic saw much better success with the Playstation crowd even though they specifically can’t stand Sonic.

It’s easy to excuse the Wii considering it had a much higher install-base, and was a better console overall. Gamecube-wise, people had higher expectations of that console until around 2K4 when it was apparent that it was shit for anything outside of Nintendo. Though, people didn’t have a problem with Sonic on Nintendo consoles because most of the Sega fans didn’t move on yet. 2006, it was apparent to Sega fans that the HD twins were going to get vastly superior Sega games because Sega cares about hardware power above all else. That also meant half way decent Sonic games. Around 201o, it became apparent that Nintendo lost their minds and went batshit crazy, and so gamers had a mass exodus from them to the HD twins, including a good majority of Sega fans. So this new deal is considered a middle finger from Sega. To be punished by not being able to get a new Sonic game? Pff.

And for the record, no one outside of the Nintards enjoyed seeing Sonic on a Nintendo console. It’s still very bizarre to see Sega supporting a former competitor like a crazed fangirl on prozac. People figured that it was just how it’s gonna be. But then Sega went multi-plat, and all bets were off. The nintards enjoyed it because to them, this was victory from the console wars. Nintards believed that Sony and Microsoft were devils destroying video games (It’s true to an extent), so they felt like an alliance from Sega would help Nintendo SAVE GAMING! Because Space Invaders never happened, right?

Everything else is kinda retarded and makes no sense.

That doesn’t even get into the crux of bullshit you could find on official Sonic forums. 5 top reasons Mario is better than Sonic. In yet another vain attempt of Nintards to troll Sonic fans, we get the most undetectable source of it. But all you need is to read this one line for your bullshit detector to go off.

It can make a loyal Sonic fan wonder in frustrated exasperation “How? How?! HOW can Mario be so much more popular than Sonic?!” Well, I’m here to offer some insight on the issue.

Who the fuck needs insight on why Mario is more popular than Sonic!? That’s common knowledge and for good reason. Sonic became irrelevant through developer disinterest and content fluctuation up the arse. You don’t need to go any further beyond Shadow the Hedgehog to understand what went wrong.

What more is that I have to laugh at all of these reasons.


Since when? Last time I enjoyed a Mario game was one with NO content (NSMBW). That’s not above and beyond. When the majority of your Mario fans like the 2D games more than the 3D, and the company in question DELIBERATELY sabotages the 2D games to push people toward the 3D games, that’s not going above and beyond for fans. That’s going above and beyond to flip them off.

the Mario developers still manage to serve their fanbase using a method not many developers use: finding out what the fanbase likes, and then offering something completely unanticipated.


Now, the way I write this makes it sound like any other developer/fanbase relationship, including the negative connotation that comes from the phrase “completely unanticipated”.

Because that’s exactly what it means. Notice how he doesn’t draw any examples of Mario 64, Sunshine, or Galazy? Because the negative connotations come straight from those games.

When you have a series with an established “style”, then you have a fanbase with “expectations” for that “style”. 2D Mario outsells 3D Mario because it served the expectations that haven’t been served for well over a decade due to Miyamoto’s refusal to the idea. Nintendo KNOWS what their fans want, but they’ve refused to do exactly that. The features in 3D World? Mario fans wanted that for NSMB. They don’t do so and continue to stagnate the series to destroy it. But they put those features in 3D Mario, games that Mario fans statistically do not want over 2D Mario. Mario fans, much like Sonic fans, do not want bullshit fetch quests and gimmicky levels. And that has become the standard for 3D Mario. Mario games used to have “action”. 3D Mario isn’t about action, it’s about intricacy. Gamers don’t like intricacy. Nintendo does, and they FORCE it on the fans.

If Nintendo really cared what their fans want, they’d put some of those nifty features from 3D World and the content from Galazy into New Super Mario Brothers. But they won’t. Why? Because THEY don’t like New Super Mario Brothers.

To this day, if you tell ANYONE that NSMB outsells Mario Galazy, they will use all the bullshit reasons they can find to justify it. But it undeniable that the Mario fans really want the RAW shit! Not the cut. Nintendo knows this as well, but they damn sure won’t serve em.


I could name a few Mario titles where I feel that some concept was underdeveloped or just didn’t belong.

Notice he never names specific Mario titles to illustrate his point. This is an attempt to downplay the negatives of Mario games in general. Everyone will agree on Sunshine being a turd, but are hesitant to do so for Galazy 2, Super Paper Mario, Mario vs Donkey Kong, Mario Pinball, Mario Sticker Star, Yoshi’s Island, Mario Party, Mario Golf, 3D Land and the like. No, they target New Super Mario Brothers as if that series was the very spawn of Yurugu himself. This pisswad deliberately makes apologetic statements about Nintendo making idiotic decisions for gameplay changes that make no sense.


Oh look, he’s beckoning more discussion about Sonic 06. Nevermind that Sonic games have been more polished since that tragedy and people still don’t buy the Sonic games.

Polish doesn’t make a successful game. Any Capcom fan could tell you that. If a game plays well enough, all the bugs in the world would not stop it from selling fuck tons if it makes gamers erect.


I find it funny that I’ve never seen these types of discussions until after I started this blog.  But if you wanna talk about rude and crude, lets bring up the Mario RPGs, SPECIFICALLY Super Paper Mario which is the most juvenile game I’ve ever played.

If there’s one thing that never remained consistent with Mario, it’s being cool.


After all this talk about identity, boundaries, polish, pandering, etc., you might feel confused. It is a lot to take in, and there’s more to these concepts than I will ever be able to talk about. However, there is a common thread to link all these points together, a source that gives the Mario developers the ability to do these things I’ve stated. What is this mysterious variable? It’s confidence.


If Nintendo was confident in Mario Galazy, they wouldn’t be moving away from it to make games to attract the NSMB crowd. If they were honestly confident about their main series Mario games, they wouldn’t change up every single installment trying to find a foundation to build up. Sunshine, Galazy, and 64 are ALL different in gameplay and content even though the objectives are the same boring bullshit as usual. If Nintendo was confident in Mario Galazy, they wouldn’t feel the need to teach people how to properly play it by putting in a DVD in a sequel that is more desperate to defeat NSMBW than a proper continuation of a series. They had to BULLSHIT themselves in thinking that no one bought Galazy over NSMBW due to “accessibility” issues. Because of their incredible hatred, they are scared shitless of the inevitable fact that 2D Mario is king. They aren’t confident at all, they’re batshit insane.

Miyamoto does not like his previous works and would prefer changing Mario for the worse. Mario Sunshine is proof. Yoshi’s Island is proof. Sticker Star is proof. And yet, he gets his ass running back to recycling content from old Mario games. If he was confident in his abilities, he wouldn’t need to look back to the days of ol’. Or rather the investors lack faith in him.

What Nintendo’s real deal is arrogance in believing they can dictate quality. But when the fans truly vote with their wallets, oh the excuses roll out like fine wine. “Poor marketing, accessibility issues, oh they don’t want so an so” and onward. If they were truly confident, they wouldn’t have to make excuses for their products not meeting a sales goal. Or being outsold by something else.

No, really, Sega fans can smell bullshit a mile away, but this asswipe has these folks goin like this is a legit examination of Nintendo and Sega. Sega simply doesn’t care about Sonic to perfect them. Sonic is not popular in Japan like Phantasy Star, Yakuza, and Virtua Fighter. There is much bigger priority for Sega to attend to Japan’s needs, and Sonic is not one of those needs. Sega also has no console, so Sonic is even less of a priority to maintain. The point of a mascot was to sell a console and your company as a symbol of quality. Without a console, Sega has no motivation or shits to give for Sonic. That’s the entire issue. Mario is big worldwide, so Nintendo can’t afford to fuck up. Even when using a formula THEY KNOW DAMN WELL is not loved.

Then again, there is no reason to expect anything from a Sonic forum that is dominated by Nintards.

Perhaps….. I am cursed….. or something. It seems that when I start to really like something, the quality starts to dwindle overtime.

I played Ratchet and Clank: Tools of Destruction and thought that was one of the few games I really… REALLY enjoyed on the BS3. The action, the humor, and even the slight ounce of “drama”. But for the most part, the game offered a bit of freedom in how you deal with combat. I enjoy games that give you a multitude of ways to kill enemies like Metroid Prime 1. Afterward, I kinda went R&C crazy and found a couple of used games for under 17 bucks, and I bought the new title as well, “Into the Nexus”. Voucher for Ass Quest and everything.

Seems I need to pump my breaks for this series.

Now, Ass Quest (Quest for Booty) was a goddamn Zelda game, and was incredibly short. The issue with this game is the same thing that plagued Zelda and Metroid games. You have your items at the beginning but lose them for the sake of story. And you spend a large majority of the time solving puzzles. Joy.

Tools of Destruction had lots of stuff going for it. But the main thing that made it a winner was the lack of bullshit. ToD was nigh bullshit free. Aside from 2 lousy fetch quests that were… quite easy, the game was a breath of fresh air from all the bullshit that most so-called “platformers” would put you through. But what I really enjoyed was how the levels actually FELT like levels. You progress through long worlds taking on swarms of enemies and evading traps… you know, what an actual GAME feels like. The weapons are impressive in their ass whippin capabilities. The hornet swarm traps were the ultimate bitch-makers in this title.

Ass Quest kinda…….idk what the hell this game was trying to be, I can see why it’s nowhere to be found unless you buy Into the Nexus.

A Crack in Time wasn’t really bad, but it is inferior in many ways. Firstly, they went into this mission based level format. IE, you’re in some wide area doing work. Most of the time, it’s really just “enemies over here, kill they ass” which isn’t bad in itself, but why a mission thing!?

And don’t get me started on the Clank segments. Ohhhhhhhhh Puzzle City is what the Great Clock is! If not for the option to skip that bullshit, it would’ve been a bad title by then.  See, that’s how you handle puzzles, like a cutscene. Let the player have the free will to skip that bullshit. And you know the best part? People are actually DRIVEN to want to solve the puzzles this way. See, when you give someone an option in games, the players become more open minded to try them all. You know why? Because there’s no pressure on them to do any one thing before moving on to the next. But yeah, there should’ve never been any puzzles in this series, even with my limited experience with it.

Otherwise, Crack in Time is…. ok at best. I do see that there’s more replay value than in Tools of Destruction via quests and the search for Zoni and mods, but that’s typical bullshit I have no patience for these days.

All 4 One was my first Ratchet Game, so after playing all those other titles, this one is DEFINITELY worse than all of them (sans Ass Quest). Especially with the imbalanced damage for weapons. I don’t know who designed that game, but dat bitch needs some damage patches. Tired of depending on the Critter Strike.

The problem with these games are not so much content (there’s more consistency here than in Sonic games, that’s for sure), but with unnecessary gameplay changes that are detrimental to fun factor. The addition of puzzles like Clank’s segments in ACiT are for intricacy’s sake rather than an actual challenge. I’m willing to forgive it because it can be skipped, but it can’t be excused for any reason. But what I do not enjoy were the “missions”. Platformers and missions don’t belong in the same sentence. Mission objectives or whatnot take away from your enjoyment via sending you all-over the world by needing to “seek and destroy” certain enemies or needing to quickly press certain switches in a specified order under 35 seconds, or even having to find some seeds to plant them just so they can grow in the future. It’s all for the sake of “intricacy” and “cleverness”, signs that the developers may be growing pretentious or feel pressured to compete against Nintendo for some reason.

That brings me to Into the Nexus. The latest game in the series that actually changes more than the gameplay. Even the CONTENT feels different in some way. While I have yet to complete it, it’s best to describe the game as being more “serious”, than previous titles. What little comedy it has seems to be diminished by the game’s overall tone and atmosphere. It feels as the game is going more for dread than Pixar.

Tools of Destruction and Crack in Time had a natural balance between the light and the shade. While it was comical at best, it could also be dramatic at best. Tachyon was a midget who was also quite clumsy, but man did he make Ratchet feel like shit with all the smack talking about “I killed yo peoples, whatcho you bout to do?!” or Azimuth with his own desires to revive the Lombaxes while at conflict with Clank’s duty to make sure no one uses the Time Clock. Something that Lost Mind FAILED HARD to do with the conflict with Tails and Robotnik with Sonic in between. They built it up over time, see. But even with all the dramatics, the games were still very light-hearted. They can get serious and laid-back at their own pace. Kids games do well when they treat the kids like adults and not retards (see Winnie the Pooh).

On the other hand, Into the Nexus doesn’t seem interested in striking a balance as the game comes off more serious and….. “spooky” if that makes sense. Especially when you get to the orphanage with all these drawings of eye-balls and what not. It’s slightly disturbing when you’ve got this crazy bitch who worships a giant eyeball and all.

But since I’ve only started, I can’t say much on content. The mechanics, however……

Lets just say switching up the CONTROLS for no reason other than intricacy has completely pissed me off. Now if I want to toss my wrench, I need to use L1 and Square instead of the more familiar R2 combo. And I can only fire weapons exclusively from R1 while Circle has no function beyond intricacy. This is a dick move. You know how when you work with a certain printer at work, and you know how it works well, but then the bosses change the printers? That one change might seem harmless, but it’s enough to drive people full blown batshit. People LOVE familiarity with controls in sequels and a series because it means they can jump right in without the need to relearn how to play the game. With Sonic games, you’re always relearning how to play the games because Sega is an asshole factory. Everyone was ADAMANT in using GC controllers for Smash Bros Brawl due to that familiarity. One of the biggest advantages of the playstation brand is that the controllers themselves never change in design. So even if you go into a new playstation, you can feel right at home as the controller is the same.

That said, WHY THE FUCK DID THEY CHANGE THIS!? I’ve used and abused the Circle because it’s much more intuitive as this series was not a 3rd person shooter. But that seems to be what they’re shooting for as you cannot shoot in any direction anymore either. You can only shoot toward whatever the camera is looking at. And there seems to be no way to change this. Previous titles gave you different control “styles” to accommodate players who prefer to play in a certain way. For this game, you need to be accustomed to 3rd person shooters, no exceptions. And 3rd person shooters are AWFUL games.

With this, it’s clear the game is some kind of Dead Space Parody. You have the more “serious” tone, the “scarier” and more disturbing atmosphere, and the controls of a 3rd person shooter. And a reduced frame rate so the game looks slower as well. This would’ve been….. ok had it not been for the “intricate” gimmicks they have for this game. The oh so great rift points. Basically, these pink circles on the walls are things you have to use to get around. What you have to do is find 2 of these things pointing at each other and using a rift gun, shoot them to connect them to each other and create some sort of gravity bridge that pushes you from one point to the next. Simply put, you’re creating gravitational ziplines. This wouldn’t be so bad if they weren’t all over the damn place and they’re used for more goddamn puzzles. There are points where you have to make multiple rifts or w/e and then jump from one to another. The problem is sometimes you have to make rifts while you’re in mid-rift or before a time limit goes out. I’m certain it’s going to be a lot more obnoxious as I go through.

Another gimmick they have which is actually kinda fun is the netherrealm parts with Clank. If you played a game like Metal Storm on the NES, it’s basically like that. You flip gravity around so you can traverse dangerous pits and manuveur around enemies. Though it seems it’s only available in the first world. Would’ve prefered more of those than those damn rift points.

Another annoying thing is you don’t get an abundance of money in this game like before, and raritanium is… well.. “rare”, so buying and upgrading weapons have to be done sparingly…. which wouldn’t be so bad if the game’s enemies weren’t pretty fuckin hard. I think I died like 5 times from those turret warriors, my loathsome adversaries. Top it off, you got ammo starvation. It’s like Metroid Prime 2 all over again, and that is NOT a good sign.

I’ll wait to complete the game before a final judgement, but so far, it’s not lookin good. Story is alright, at least you have a villain that’s interesting for once.