Tag Archive: Mario


Over the course of the Lost Mind meltdowns last year, I’ve come to realize that those 8 posts over the REAL reason people hate Sonic the Hedgehog…… is partially bullshit.

The one statement I will retract is that fans were to blame for any of the mess this franchise is in. The blame falls squarely on Sega’s shoulders. I apologize fully for those idiotic statements. Most of that was a bit of frustration over the constant demand from Sonic fans wanting Sonic to be overhauled to ridiculous extremes after 2006. Most of all, the desire to have Sonic become Mario. And now, you ALL know why.

Looking over Lost Mind’s content and odious bit of Nintendo themed DLC, it’s clear that Sega has completely abandoned Sonic fans for Amma knows what. They’re either targeting children or general Mario/Platformer fans (which is a broad range of age groups anyway) or having developer goals of making it easier to see rings again (haha). It’s either they don’t know what the fuck they’re doing, or they don’t give a shit. Since Lost Mind bombed, it’s a clear indicator that no one wants a Nintendo/Sega partnership ever again, even the UK got tired of the Olympics bullshit. Why it happened in the first place obviously fell on Nintendo’s shoulders as they take everything the internet says as the gospel. The extra publicity from desperate Sonic fans was sure to boost their own fanbase’s numbers without any real hint of suspicion or doubt from the fandom at large. In the wake of 06’s demise, they would take anything. You have to admire how manipulative Nintendo is when it comes to targeting the internet fandoms. At least until they jacked up the prices.

I feel that the Yoshi’s Island DLC was Nintendo’s desire to troll Sonic fans. Nintendo is a VERY immature and spiteful company when concerning the internet. Most japanese developers are hateful of the internet. It’s like it’s in their blood. They can’t handle what some nameless nobodies on the internet are saying about their games. So what happens is (more often these days) is that they start making games to literally piss you off. Or as one guy puts it “IN YOUR FACE NINTENDO!

Apparently, Nintendo must’ve been PISSED that Lost Mind did not sell Mario Galazy to Sonic fans, and that Sonic fans actually FEARED the assimilation into Mario’s world. Thus, the Yoshi DLC was created. Sure, we could say they were advertising a new Yoshi game, but this kind of marketing is illogical and also quite dickish. Yoshi games simply do not sell. What more promotion would you need beyond those crappy Nintendo directs? If Sonic fans won’t buy Lost Mind, they damn sure won’t buy a Yoshi game. No one does, anyway. The Yoshi DLC makes absolutely no sense unless it is concerning Nintendo’s desire to “surprise” people.

This, actual Sonic fandom…. THIS is the kind of bullshit you’d have to deal with from Nintendo. This is a spiteful ass company that has no concern for improving a franchise they have little control over. And why should they? Nintendo has their own problems to worry about (their OWN games aren’t selling as well as they used to). I’ve said before that even though Sega does not care about Sonic games, to some extent, they take fan input into consideration. If the fans do not like something, they take that bullshit out. This is the one thing that baffles me about Sega. They show nothing but sheer animosity to the dirty American scum, but still listens to our fan input! It;s enough to make your balls explode in hysterical confusion!

You will NEVER have that kind of sway with Nintendo. If you don’t like Lost Mind, but this partnership continues, you will get MORE Lost Mind! Why is that? Because Nintendo, in the depths of their insanity and inflated sense of self-worth, will make some psychological diagnosis about you, the fandom, that says that you are incapable of understanding the fucking genius of that game! So, they will continue to make more Lost Minds until you just fucking accept it with open arms. If they wasted enough cheddar making a goddamn HD port of the one Zelda game that literally KILLED the Gamecube, you, Sonic fandom, will NEVER have a decent Sonic game again. If they made a game you actually like, they will kill it off and you will never see it again.

This is how Nintendo currently operates, and is a big reason why this partnership should’ve been protested. That… and of course the Sonic/Mario assimilation over conflict thing that no one wants to see. Sega, despite their rampant stupidity and anti-western consumer practices (PSO2 comes to mind ohhhh so much), they at least demonstrate the capacity to listen to complaints and concerns about quality, and every game seems to be a result of that. Sonic Unleashed, we like the day stages, hate the werehog, Sonic Colors is just the Day stages with a couple of stupid puzzles, not to mention reduced difficulty when all it is is not-aggravating level design, and removal of bullshit like that QTE infested tornado minigame. You see this in Rush Adventure where the game feels much better designed than the first. Enemy placement isn’t a pain in the ass, levels actually look like Sonic levels and not some random mesh of military bases at sea, in the air, and in space, and music actually sounds like Sonic music. Course… no one really complained about Rush but I digress. Sonic 4 Episode 2 fixes most of the flaws with the first episode, mainly the physics and whatnot. Sega despises their western fanbases but can’t seem to distinguish between western and Japanese complaints (hehe). Nintendo…. you’re lucky enough to get that much (the art style in TP saved Zelda alone!) After they’ve pleased you, they go RIGHT back into asshole mode where they try to force their intricate genius on you.

Nintendo is like Hollywood. Where good ideas and dreams die in their misguided desire to show the world their penis.

I’m still….laughing in the most insane way imaginable. I thought I would never see the day when people are actually demanding that Sega NEVER partner up with Nintendo again. It shows 1, the effects of Sonic 06’s horrible…ness are starting to wear off (the reason people wanted Sega to go to Nintendo was primarily because of Sonic 06 since Nintendo actually delays their games, for an eternity no less), and 2, shows that Nintendo is not this perfect company that can do no wrong. Nintendo is in a crisis where fucking MARIO isn’t selling their consoles. How the hell did anyone expect them to “save Sonic”?

It must be that anime portion of the fandom. Anime fans never believe in the concept of “redemption”. If one company fucks up one time, they lose faith almost instantaneously. The company has jumped the shark and they can never recover. After Sonic 06 (or was it Shadow?), the fandom saw that Sega was unfit to make a good Sonic game. So they looked to Nintendo to save the franchise. After Lost Mind, however, how will these fans perceive Nintendo now? Many of them are shell-shocked! Many will try to come up with excuses and create various forms of damage control (such as the redundant “Sonic is for kids” to gloss over it’s horrid content) or shift blame to poor sales of the console (How does one explain the horrid sales of Sonic Colors, I wonder?).

What I find funny about all of this is that people find more good ideas in Sonic 06 than they can in Lost Mind. They cannot find a damn thing positive about Lost Mind! What does tat really say? That it’s just another shallow game, or is proof that Nintendo’s direction has been wrong all along? No one is willing to admit that because Super Mario Galazy is far too overrated and praised over the internet. Despite all the proof that the galazy direction has also been wrong for Mario, no one is willing to admit it.

Not one bit criticism has been thrown Nintendo’s way since Lost Mind bombed, however. Same thing happened when Other M bombed (it’s ALL Team Ninja’s fault!). Oh No, Nintendo can never do any wrong! If you noticed, every development decision is completely and utterly “un-Sega”. The update that removes the need for touch-based wisp powers is proof of this. Sega never thought touch screen controls would make a better Sonic game (they’ve had 4 games to experiment beyond minigames, they didn’t find touch controls at ALL interesting considering how simplistic they were). It’s abnormal to suddenly have an interest in gaming technology that has existed for well over 8 years. They never did anything ambitious with touch screen technology beyond some weird ass dating sim (I think). It would have to be Nintendo’s idea because, as publishers of the game, they would need to show the “value” of that piece of shit controller! How are the touch controls on All-Stars Racing Transformed? Right, you actually have OPTIONS for controls! Nintendo games BARELY have options for controllers outside of Smash Bros. or games they don’t care about.

Sega never had a problem with good graphics (Sega was ALWAYS about good graphics, so simplifying the design makes absolutely no sense to them). Has any Nintendo brand game thus far taken any real advantage of the Pii U’s HD capabilities? All of them that came out right now look like they could’ve been done on the Wii (goddammit, this BS3 is making me a graphics whore. I don’t even have an HD tv, I just know Ratchet and Clank games look like sex in comparison to the Pikmin.) The decision to make Lost Mind have a simplified art/graphics style would have to have been Nintendo’s demands. Nintendo has such wild ass ideas about what makes a good game. Good graphics would not be an equation because, as you can see, out of all games they ported over, they used fucking Wind Breaker for an HD remake. WWHD is so simple to port over to HD because it is the most simplified graphical Zelda game known to mankind!

Why the overly simple and kiddy villains like the 6 deadly retards (based off crappy Japanese demons?). Sega is such a whore for western mythology. The most Japanese inspired stuff they have is modern day stuff like Yakuza. Japanese culture weirdness is usually kept out of Sega games outside of Yakuza (and Phantasy Star Universe). It would have to be Nintendo’s idea because they put Japanese shit into FUCKING ZELDA AND METROID (The 3 dragons in Skyward Sword are the most Asian looking mother fuckers I’ve ever seen. And don’t get me started on how japanese Wind Waker looks).

There are more design aspects that point to Nintendo’s raping of the series rather than Sega. The Yoshi (and upcoming Zelda) DLC is more than just a mere confirmation. The bizarre desire for Iizuka to attract a completely different audience for a franchise he (and everyone else at Sega) despises is not Sega, but Nintendo’s dick. If you wanted Mario fans, you can easily make an entirely different platforming series. You don’t use a series you don’t care about especially since it doesn’t appeal to the Japanese in general. Sega is crazy, infuriating, and spiteful, but they aren’t that stupid. Nintendo on the other hand has been making illogical production decisions since 2009-10 with Wii Music and Other M being the spear headers for Wii’s decline. They’re lucky that 3DS is doing “just average” at this point.

The Olympics games had been on a steady decline since the first entry. The first game was a mere novelty, finally we have Sonic and Mario in the same game together! But as you can see, people were clamoring for a REAL crossover ever since Brawl brought those 2 into conflict with other. It never fucking happened. Why? It’s not like Sega isn’t into fanservice, after all the All-Star racing games are all about wetting a Sega nerd’s whistles. But Nintendo is all about trying to be “different” and about “surprises”. It wouldn’t be surprising to see a REAL Mario and Sonic crossover, one that actually has a CLASH between both universes. But we’re ALL surprised at that fucking Yoshi DLC. And no one liked that surprise, did ya?

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. Be careful for what you wish for. Mark my words, knowing how these bastards operate, you will NOT get that REAL Mario/Sonic crossover. Platformer, fighting game, what may have you. Smash Bros. is the closest you will ever get.

 

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I was sent a link over email about an interview with Shigeru Miyamoto about Super Mario Galazy 2, probably the most overrated Mario game of all time for no good reason other than for nintards to silence the praise of NSMBW. It’s nothing really new in terms of what we know about Miyamoto in general, but it goes deeper into the rabbit hole of how much the employees want to defy him.

Somewhat complicating matters is the fact that the director of the Mario games, Yoshiaki Koizumi, disagrees with Miyamoto’s story-free philosophy.

“Mr. Koizumi is the type of person who, whenever we’re working on a new Mario game, he always wants to bring more story elements into it, as he did with Super Mario Galaxy. But in talking with him this time, he agrees and feels that with Galaxy 2, there won’t be a need for as deep of a story,” Miyamoto said.

But does he really agree with his boss, or has Koizumi just been overruled? In an interview with Wired.com in 2007, Koizumi said that he’s been trying to sneak bits of story into Mario and Zelda games for his entire career at Nintendo, even as Miyamoto has been trying to keep them out.

I told Miyamoto about what Koizumi had said, and he looked slightly taken aback.

“He said that?”

“Yes.”

“Well, I put a stop to that at the beginning, this time,” he said, and for emphasis punched the air with his fist.

I say “wtf” to that quote. To avoid the implications of taking shit out of context, Miyamoto suggests that Mario shouldn’t have a deep story because it’s a franchise that works well without it. That’s fine. Mario has worked well without a deep story for 15 fucking years. The problem is the confusion with “deep” and just “decent”. Mario games feel empty and devoid of any real desire to motivate the player to progress through the newly born fetch quest fiesta of game flow that pervades Mario games since 64. Even NSMB has that shit sneaked in via Star coins.

“I just feel that the Mario games are something that should be a much more bright and active experience,” he said. “With the Mario games, you don’t need to have such a complicated setting where you have these particular characters with complicated backstories that can weigh down the bright and fun feel of the game.”

A story doesn’t have to be “complex” to be “interesting”. There’s a difference, and I feel Miyamoto missed that ball again. Course, I can’t blame him for that. The Japanese overall have a bad habit of over-analyzing every god damn thing in existence. I’ve watched almost all of Code Geass to confirm that. Hell, watching most Gundam shows over even Death Note… or hell, just about any anime can confirm that. The characters over-analyze their situations and come up with unrealisticaly complex answers for their situations. But.. either way, this is a huge problem in Japan, and with Miyamoto, he’s confusing complex story telling with “deep”. Deep, in this context, would mean how “far in” you are interested in the story. The Lord of the Rings, one of the most popular franchises at this point, doesn’t really have a complex story, you have a bunch of hobbits and elves traversing New Zealand in order to drop the One Ring into the fires of Mordor. It doesn’t get any more complex than that. What makes it deep, however, is how the characters go about this plan of action. First thing you have to do is make the audience give a damn about the characters in the first place.

Why should you care about why Frodo must take on this challenge to destroy the ring? Well, despite his frailty, he’s the only person who has shown resistence to the influence of the ring, making him an essential member of the fellowship. But he’s also kind of a pussy so throwing him into a dangerous world filled with Orcs and giant spiders can make the story interesting. Why? It’s a character that can’t fight worth shit having his life threatened at almost every corner. There’s also the people that can fight, but they’re busy liberating kingdoms and whatnot. Or better yet, why should you care about Ratchet and Clank? Their stories are simple. Galaxy has a problem with super villains, kill they asses. Why we care is because (at least… with the first game) is because these 2 have this “unbreakable bond” despite these trials that seem to force them into breaking apart (First game, Tools of Destruction, maybe Crack in Time), and despite the simplicity of the plots, you still wanna see where they turn up…..I guess.

Or better yet… Sonic Adventure 2. Why should you care about Shadow’s crusade against humanity? Because his bitch died thanks to those dirty military meatheads and he wants blood.

You can have a simple story and yet keep it deep at the same time, and a lot of times, this is the winning strategy. No one can really get invested into complex storylines anyway (Gundam Wing especially failed with that). None of the characters in Ratchet and Clank (until Crack in Time) have complicated backgrounds, and yet we still like the fuckers enough to keep invested into the games.

While I see this is what Miyamoto is trying to convey, Miyamoto’s stories leave the audience dry. We can’t seem to give a fuck about ANYTHING in the Mario universe except the main game. This is a problem, why? Because this mentality snuck it’s way into an RPG! The Paper Mario series is an RPG series. RPGs NEED a good story, complex or otherwise, if they want to motivate the player to go through that shit. Taking that a step further, why should I care about Count Bleck and his love affair with a butterfly?

Well, we don’t know why until the very end of the game, and his motivation to destroy the world just gives him the “Handsome Jack” medal of jack assery.

“I feel that even if all that you have is that the villain is just simply a villain and you fight them, and you throw them down, and you find out, well, that wasn’t such a bad villain after all, that’s enough story for ultimately what is just about a very fun experience,” he added.

Except SPM isn’t fun period. So the entire time that we’re bored out of our asses, we’re expected to care about these people and what they do?

Now, we went on about that poll in which people did not find the story of Super Paper Mario to be “interesting”, and Miyamoto then uses that as proof that “story is no longer important”. But then that sneaks it’s way into content. Now the Mario universe is repetitious and devoid of ingenuity. You remember how SMB3 had several different kingdoms aside from the Mushroom Kingdom and how Bowser invaded them all, inserting his children as the dictators of those kingdoms? Simple story, but interesting, and you got to find out that the Mushroom Kingdom was bigger than we once thought. But now? The worlds Mario explores are lazy and half-hearted. The “paper dimension” or w/e in SPM is fucking stupid. NSMBW has bland worlds in the Mushroom Kingdom, all reused from previous games, no less. So for the next RPG in the series, we get a game about some fucking stickers.

We all had a good laugh. But it’s actually quite disappointing. In my view, Koizumi had the right idea. Super Mario Galaxy had the requisite, ritualistic kidnapping of Princess Peach, yes. But it also had another cast of characters, a princess from outer space and her family of talking stars, who had a deeper, sadder story that was revealed through elegant picture-book scenes throughout the game.

It’s not just Koizumi who’s pushing back against Miyamoto’s propensity towards minimalism. Miyamoto says he’s also had some “battles” with the team making New Super Mario Bros. Wii over the story.

They always want to have these dramatic scenes where Princess Peach gets kidnapped, but I always tell them, no, it’s fine — Princess Peach likes cake, so you can just have them use cake as bait to kidnap Princess Peach, and that’s enough,” he laughed.

“Glutton” was the word in Japanese he used to describe Princess Peach.

“I was thinking they could have these big ships come in, and they’ve got these big chains all over them, and they drop a plate down with cake on it,” he said.

For the time being, it seems like the Galaxy 2 team is still trying to get some story in, where Miyamoto will allow it.

“I think you did see a person carved out of a tree stump in the trailer. That person has a bit of a story,” Miyamoto said.

So, what he’s saying is we could’ve had an actual story instead of the blandest fucking reused plot of all time? A birthday cake where Peach gets kidnapped. Again.

Read the bold. According to him, the team wanted to make the princess kidnapping more “awesome”. That’s all we can really gather, but what is the problem with that? Is it expenses or what? I don’t really know. NSMBW was cheap as it was, adding a little bit of oh wait, they were trying to kill 2D Mario, nevermind!

Even with NSMB, 3D Land and World are basically the same thing. Minimal story and content. It’s simply putting a 2D Skin on 3D Mario with the basic plot of kidnapping peach or some gay ass fairies. And to put it bluntly, Bowser in a pimp car is retarded. The guy is a fucking DRAGON!

I actually feel sorry for Koizuma even though he made Sunshine’s crappy ass narrative. I can also see why Miyamoto put some jackass in charge of Zelda seeing as he doesn’t want to get involved in story. The more control Miyamoto seems to have over games, the less interesting the games are. For a guy considered a legend and an icon in the industry, this shouldn’t be the case. Miyamoto’s desire to minimalize story is another tale of good intentions paving the road to hell.

Or were they good intentions? The Japanese are the biggest liars in the game industry, and there’s always a third layer to their real intent. Sonic’s Lost Mind is written all over that statement with all the BS interviews. What’s Miyamoto’s real incentive for removing (or “minimizing”) story altogether?

Well, 2 theories.

1. The HOPEFUL theory is that Miyamoto is fighting against the notion of needing movie like stories in games. Cause… yeah, every game feels like a movie these days. Games are games first and foremost and they’re meant to played, all that shit. Of course, stories are a motivational aspect of games. They get you “into the groove” of why you should bother playing these games. You don’t advertise a game due to gameplay reasons (Talking to you LBP2) as that’s not what attracts people to games. You can’t get rid of it altogether (which is what Miyamoto IS infact doing) because then you’d have to make an arcade box. Arcades don’t need stories, just play the damn game because it’s fun and passes the time. But Miyamoto doesn’t like making fun games that pass the time, so removing story altogether is dangerous because then you’ve removed the motivation to progress through an un-fun game. Jak 2 is un-fun. Infact, it’s laced in bullshit. But people were motivated to go through it because they wanted to see where the game went with it’s plot (most people, at least. Not everyone had the patience for it’s bullshit). Mario games don’t have that pull thanks to you know what.

2. The REALISTIC theory is that Miyamoto is more focused on being different. Miyamoto has always had this stick up his ass about being counter-culture. He’s been this way since the 90s. Remember Yoshi’s Island? You know, that game he made to give the finger to his bosses that wanted him to make a game like Donkey Kong Country? Because, you know, it saved their asses from Kalinske’s dick? Yeah, that game had children’s drawings as it’s graphics, that alone turned people off from the game. But yeah, Miyamoto has always tried to make games that were different from the norm. The problem is they aren’t very fun. And that’s the big issue. The Miyamoto of today is not the same guy who made Donkey Kong in the 80s. He doesn’t even know why people like those old games so much. He’s much more invested in creating intricate mechanics and making the games feel more like toy play-sets with puzzles and shit no one cares about.

And I think that leads into the real issue. Since stories (or rather “content”) have become one of the major reasons people bother with video games, Miyamoto’s desire to minimize everything else is so that players focus strictly on the gameplay. Afterall, this guy claims that a game with a different character is the same damn game. Miyamoto is all about intricate mechanics above all else. He couldn’t give 2 shits if the music was good (and Mario games have terrible music aside from Mario Kart 64 and Mario Tennis). This is why he wished to destroy 2D Mario because 2D Mario demands less intricacy and more fun shit like kicking turtle ass! I don’t wanna race turtles in some friendly competition for a Power Star,  fuck! Miyamoto has a HUGE ego, and wants people to know his genius through the power of puzzle-based platformers.

People within Nintendo suggest that they wouldn’t want Miyamoto as their boss, and this is possibly the reason why. He’s deliberately holding games back for intricate mechanics showcases. I’d rather play Dynasty Warriors Gundam 3 than Super Mario 3D Land. It’s a piece of shit, but at least the entire time, I’m kicking ass with all the technicolor explosions to go with it. It’s fun despite the “minimal story”. I can’t say that about miyamoto’s games because there is no story OR fun factor to go along with it.

Nintendo Fanboys in the Sonic Fanbase.

I’ve had that kind of suspicion for a while. When you have a grand majority of Sonic fans that literally begged for a Lost Mind, you have to truly wonder if these are actual Sonic fans or some external entity.

It is extremely rare for anyone to demand a series become more like an external franchise, especially that of a rival mascot. When a series has a fanbase, any kind of fanbase, that fanbase has set expectations of what they want out of this series. Afterall, why did they become fans of it if not for it’s own merits? It’s unnatural for a Sonic fan to want Sonic games to play more like Mario games.

I’ve noticed, more often than not, that people who’ve played other games go into something new with the expectations of old. Like say if I were to play Ratchet and Clank prior to, lets say, Jak II, I would be furious because the game plays nothing like Ratchet and Clank. Would that be a fair judgment? Hell no.  Of course, these things happen because when you’ve enjoyed something so much, you now have standards of what you like to see in certain games. It’s possibly the reason so many FPS’s have the same features and have an over-abundance of online multiplayer focus.

But with Sonic fans, most who’ve grown up with the series since the beginning (the casters) expect the games to have the same shit that was in the original 2D games, but expanded and improved on. The problem, however, is that Sega has over-fluctuated the series to the point that the fans are in a perpetual state of disorder. Hell, even the company “claims” to not know fuck all about what Sonic is about.

Now, why Nintendo fans are the most vocal about Sonic is easier to decipher. I usually have a statement that “Sega fans are Sonic fans, but Sonic fans are not Sega fans”. And this is true to every extent. Sonic going multiplatform, the series has audiences on Playstation and Xbox. Nintendo has shit 3rd party support no matter what they do (except their awesome handhelds). Sega and Capcom seem to be the only people that… try, at the least. Now see, Playstation fans happen to be the biggest assholes of all gaming communities, but also happen to be extremely easy to please considering damn near every game with some marketing is considered the “greatest game of all time” for no reason other than it’s existence on the Playstation brand. Xbox fans…….seem to be real gamers as they keep their mouths shut and just play. Don’t really have any experience dealing with them.

Due to Nintendo’s shitty 3rd party support, Playstation and Xbox fans can easily ignore the Sonic franchise as it spiraled into the land of mediocrity while they gain several titles that have some effort put into them. Since Nintendo fans can’t get the support that Sony gets on a daily basis, they have to settle for what they can get. So any third party title that sticks around for Nintendo is “assumed” to be a Nintendo owned entity (how many times have people claimed that Sonic was owned by Nintendo? Some even thought Tales of Symphonia was a new Nintendo franchise!) That said, Nintendo fans had expectations of Sonic games living up to the standards of Nintendo’s so-called “Seal of quality”. Since… you know, they don’t get much else beyond Nintendo’s progressively shittier games. Sonic titles must smell like roses in comparison. Specially after Other M.

So the reasoning behind why they desire Sonic to be like Mario is ofcourse the fallacy of expectations from a deferring franchise. Because they have played Mario, they expect other platformers to carry the same conventions as Mario. Mario is, unfortunately, the “standard” for most platformers to go by, and since Sonic is wrongfully lumped into the platformer genre for simply “jumping” on shit, it is assumed that Sonic must succeed by riding the coattails of Mario. And not just any Mario. No, it has to follow the Mario formula that the hardcore Nintards adore. That means the shitty Mario games. That means the 3D Mario games. The Standard Grafting Fallacy.

The author of the article points out a few key Nintendo games that the Nintards simply don’t care about. See, Kirby lacks “intricacy” aside from that yarn shit. It’s easy for them to ignore Kirby because that’s one of the few Nintendo franchises that hasn’t been completely destroyed by Nintendo’s misguided quest for “innovashun” and still maintains arcade centrism within it’s games. Paper Mario is either-or. Not really sure how dark Paper Mario is (At most, it just seems to be a joke series). I would point out the Metroid series, but then I remembered Nintendo fans don’t like Metroid either. Instead, they’ll find (as he said) vague examples within the kiddiest Nintendo games just to prove Nintendo games aren’t kiddy.

It’s an amazing achievement when even Nintendo fans can’t even point to their most mature franchises (Metroid, Fire Emblem, F-Zero which had twerking bikini models for fuck’s sake) to prove a damn thing. The hatred of all things M-rated comes directly from Mortal Kombat and Playstation fans being the grand assholes they are about everything. I mean damn, when everyone kept saying Nintendo was family friendly, that gave the PS2 crews all the fire they needed to troll the loving shit out of the Nintendo fandoms. Believe me when I say they’ve gone off the deep end into the pit of insanity after them verbal ass whippins.

None of that excuses the drastic change in tone with the Shadow the Hedgehog, of course, but when most of those “mature” complaints are thrown at 06 for simply having a more complex story, holy shit. When Sonic fans accepted SA2 even with it’s more complex (if you could call it that) story, then man did the gameplay of 06 scar everything.

Sega fans, for the most part, have completely stopped giving a damn about Sonic and focused on everything else because we ALL felt that Sega just wasn’t going to give two nut licks of a fuck about Sonic the Hedgehog because as we ALL know by now, they hate the damn series. So who else is gonna care about it aside from the Nintendo brats? Especially with the deliberate catering to them?

I need to stay off Facebook.

Considering all the FBI/CIA collusions going around, that is. 😛

It’s quite sad that the only bit of interest in Sonic is the on-going retardation of the fanbase. I don’t know if this is some estranged attempt to troll people or not, but when you have a fandom that is so goddamned ignorant of reality, they make for entertaining posts.

A question for the fans… After the Dreamcast failed to gain enough support, Nintendo stepped in and helped SEGA find a new exclusive home within their company through the Adventure and Advance series, and these titles sold the most out of many and were the most popular Sonic titles, and to this day Sonic games on handhelds are considered the best of the bunch with the Rush series seeing fair praise and more…

First off, Sega didn’t need any help. They had been developing games across platforms since the 80s. Hell, they even supported the Neo Geo Pocket. For the most part, Sega had been making and porting a lot of their titles to the PC way before they thought of Nintendo. Also, the sales part is incorrect. Sonic Heroes on the PS2 sold more than Sonic Adventure 2 altogether. The Advance games barely sold at all, and aren’t referenced much because they’re mediocre and poorly designed after the first. Plus, Sonic games were competing against Mario and Pokemon on Nintendo’s turf. Sega has a much bigger advantage on a console where 3rd party games have a chance in hell to sell. Capcom was the only developer so far that could meet Nintendo halfway on their own turf. No one outside of the core fanbase even cares about the handheld titles, including the Rush games.

The myth of Sonic’s handheld outings being “the best of the best” honestly needs to be destroyed. Are they more enjoyable than the console games? By far, yes. Are they memorable? Do they leave an impact on you? Fuck naw. Wanna know why? The handhelds are only good for gameplay reasons. Content wise, they’re shit.

That would’ve been fine though had the content remotely resembled the console Sonic games (when they were still good at least). The Advance and Rush series were so goddamned bizarre, they felt like a completely different series altogether. You know what you’re getting when you play a Pokemon game because they all have the same essence overall. How the fuck do you expect me to compare Sonic Adventure to Sonic Advance when they’re so different in everything they do? You can’t draw any real connections beyond character appearances, it’s like a marvel cartoon and a marvel live-action movie.

It don’t work out very well!

So a simple answer, why do you hate so much for Sonic to be exclusive once more now on Nintendo consoles and why do you ridicule and burn SEGA over doing exactly what they did some time ago today?

Simple Answer? Ok. No one wants to buy a piece of shit console to buy a piece of shit game.

Sonic is not desirable enough to warrant the purchase of a new console, especially one as dysfunctional and confused as the Pii U. People don’t enjoy buying hardware because it’s expensive and usually only do so out of some perceived necessity. Most people don’t care what kind of Computer they get as long as they get to do what they want with them (porn online fuck yer).

There is no benefit to owning a Pii U like there was with a Wii. But a much bigger reason is Nintendo fans usually get inferior Sonic titles anyway. Sonic Unleashed Wii is a castrated mess, even if it is better designed, it’s boring and missing 2 worlds. The HD consoles have 2 generally more interesting Sonic games. You know why? Because Sega bought into the “casual” marketing hype generated by the American game industry that painted Wii owners as a bunch of unmitigated retards who deserve nothing but the bottom of the barrel. So Nintendo fans would be discriminated against with shitty games. That includes Sonic.

That said, putting Sonic on a Nintendo console means putting in less effort. That combined with Sega’s lacking care for Sonic in general and you have a deadly combination of chunks to blow. With that, you have LESS reason to be excited for Sonic games to be exclusive for Nintendo consoles. Nintendo fans have very low expectations and no real sense of quality which gives Sega a reason to put in NO effort. It’s harder to please HD fans considering the higher prices they have to pay (because they ALSO bought into the “used games” lie). Sega can essentially get away with not giving a fuck about Sonic by offering it to an audience that does not care about quality. Remember their 08 fuck it clause? Where they blatantly said they were going to market it to children? Come on, a company that is too damn cheap to rehire Unionized Ryan Drummond and lies about ingredients used in their restaurants (yeah, Sega owns food joints) and you expect them to put in work for a series they do not like?

Yeah, there’s just… SO MUCH REASON to support their decision now, isn’t it?! Fuck wit.

You loved seeing him on Nintendo consoles back then, and never cared his exclusivity with Nintendo then either, so why have have the tables turned today?

Because then Sonic went mult-platform. And Sonic saw much better success with the Playstation crowd even though they specifically can’t stand Sonic.

It’s easy to excuse the Wii considering it had a much higher install-base, and was a better console overall. Gamecube-wise, people had higher expectations of that console until around 2K4 when it was apparent that it was shit for anything outside of Nintendo. Though, people didn’t have a problem with Sonic on Nintendo consoles because most of the Sega fans didn’t move on yet. 2006, it was apparent to Sega fans that the HD twins were going to get vastly superior Sega games because Sega cares about hardware power above all else. That also meant half way decent Sonic games. Around 201o, it became apparent that Nintendo lost their minds and went batshit crazy, and so gamers had a mass exodus from them to the HD twins, including a good majority of Sega fans. So this new deal is considered a middle finger from Sega. To be punished by not being able to get a new Sonic game? Pff.

And for the record, no one outside of the Nintards enjoyed seeing Sonic on a Nintendo console. It’s still very bizarre to see Sega supporting a former competitor like a crazed fangirl on prozac. People figured that it was just how it’s gonna be. But then Sega went multi-plat, and all bets were off. The nintards enjoyed it because to them, this was victory from the console wars. Nintards believed that Sony and Microsoft were devils destroying video games (It’s true to an extent), so they felt like an alliance from Sega would help Nintendo SAVE GAMING! Because Space Invaders never happened, right?

Everything else is kinda retarded and makes no sense.

That doesn’t even get into the crux of bullshit you could find on official Sonic forums. 5 top reasons Mario is better than Sonic. In yet another vain attempt of Nintards to troll Sonic fans, we get the most undetectable source of it. But all you need is to read this one line for your bullshit detector to go off.

It can make a loyal Sonic fan wonder in frustrated exasperation “How? How?! HOW can Mario be so much more popular than Sonic?!” Well, I’m here to offer some insight on the issue.

Who the fuck needs insight on why Mario is more popular than Sonic!? That’s common knowledge and for good reason. Sonic became irrelevant through developer disinterest and content fluctuation up the arse. You don’t need to go any further beyond Shadow the Hedgehog to understand what went wrong.

What more is that I have to laugh at all of these reasons.

#5

Since when? Last time I enjoyed a Mario game was one with NO content (NSMBW). That’s not above and beyond. When the majority of your Mario fans like the 2D games more than the 3D, and the company in question DELIBERATELY sabotages the 2D games to push people toward the 3D games, that’s not going above and beyond for fans. That’s going above and beyond to flip them off.

the Mario developers still manage to serve their fanbase using a method not many developers use: finding out what the fanbase likes, and then offering something completely unanticipated.

d7bec-lol1

Now, the way I write this makes it sound like any other developer/fanbase relationship, including the negative connotation that comes from the phrase “completely unanticipated”.

Because that’s exactly what it means. Notice how he doesn’t draw any examples of Mario 64, Sunshine, or Galazy? Because the negative connotations come straight from those games.

When you have a series with an established “style”, then you have a fanbase with “expectations” for that “style”. 2D Mario outsells 3D Mario because it served the expectations that haven’t been served for well over a decade due to Miyamoto’s refusal to the idea. Nintendo KNOWS what their fans want, but they’ve refused to do exactly that. The features in 3D World? Mario fans wanted that for NSMB. They don’t do so and continue to stagnate the series to destroy it. But they put those features in 3D Mario, games that Mario fans statistically do not want over 2D Mario. Mario fans, much like Sonic fans, do not want bullshit fetch quests and gimmicky levels. And that has become the standard for 3D Mario. Mario games used to have “action”. 3D Mario isn’t about action, it’s about intricacy. Gamers don’t like intricacy. Nintendo does, and they FORCE it on the fans.

If Nintendo really cared what their fans want, they’d put some of those nifty features from 3D World and the content from Galazy into New Super Mario Brothers. But they won’t. Why? Because THEY don’t like New Super Mario Brothers.

To this day, if you tell ANYONE that NSMB outsells Mario Galazy, they will use all the bullshit reasons they can find to justify it. But it undeniable that the Mario fans really want the RAW shit! Not the cut. Nintendo knows this as well, but they damn sure won’t serve em.

#4

I could name a few Mario titles where I feel that some concept was underdeveloped or just didn’t belong.

Notice he never names specific Mario titles to illustrate his point. This is an attempt to downplay the negatives of Mario games in general. Everyone will agree on Sunshine being a turd, but are hesitant to do so for Galazy 2, Super Paper Mario, Mario vs Donkey Kong, Mario Pinball, Mario Sticker Star, Yoshi’s Island, Mario Party, Mario Golf, 3D Land and the like. No, they target New Super Mario Brothers as if that series was the very spawn of Yurugu himself. This pisswad deliberately makes apologetic statements about Nintendo making idiotic decisions for gameplay changes that make no sense.

#3

Oh look, he’s beckoning more discussion about Sonic 06. Nevermind that Sonic games have been more polished since that tragedy and people still don’t buy the Sonic games.

Polish doesn’t make a successful game. Any Capcom fan could tell you that. If a game plays well enough, all the bugs in the world would not stop it from selling fuck tons if it makes gamers erect.

#2

I find it funny that I’ve never seen these types of discussions until after I started this blog.  But if you wanna talk about rude and crude, lets bring up the Mario RPGs, SPECIFICALLY Super Paper Mario which is the most juvenile game I’ve ever played.

If there’s one thing that never remained consistent with Mario, it’s being cool.

#1

After all this talk about identity, boundaries, polish, pandering, etc., you might feel confused. It is a lot to take in, and there’s more to these concepts than I will ever be able to talk about. However, there is a common thread to link all these points together, a source that gives the Mario developers the ability to do these things I’ve stated. What is this mysterious variable? It’s confidence.

BULL……FUCKING……..SHIT!

If Nintendo was confident in Mario Galazy, they wouldn’t be moving away from it to make games to attract the NSMB crowd. If they were honestly confident about their main series Mario games, they wouldn’t change up every single installment trying to find a foundation to build up. Sunshine, Galazy, and 64 are ALL different in gameplay and content even though the objectives are the same boring bullshit as usual. If Nintendo was confident in Mario Galazy, they wouldn’t feel the need to teach people how to properly play it by putting in a DVD in a sequel that is more desperate to defeat NSMBW than a proper continuation of a series. They had to BULLSHIT themselves in thinking that no one bought Galazy over NSMBW due to “accessibility” issues. Because of their incredible hatred, they are scared shitless of the inevitable fact that 2D Mario is king. They aren’t confident at all, they’re batshit insane.

Miyamoto does not like his previous works and would prefer changing Mario for the worse. Mario Sunshine is proof. Yoshi’s Island is proof. Sticker Star is proof. And yet, he gets his ass running back to recycling content from old Mario games. If he was confident in his abilities, he wouldn’t need to look back to the days of ol’. Or rather the investors lack faith in him.

What Nintendo’s real deal is arrogance in believing they can dictate quality. But when the fans truly vote with their wallets, oh the excuses roll out like fine wine. “Poor marketing, accessibility issues, oh they don’t want so an so” and onward. If they were truly confident, they wouldn’t have to make excuses for their products not meeting a sales goal. Or being outsold by something else.

No, really, Sega fans can smell bullshit a mile away, but this asswipe has these folks goin like this is a legit examination of Nintendo and Sega. Sega simply doesn’t care about Sonic to perfect them. Sonic is not popular in Japan like Phantasy Star, Yakuza, and Virtua Fighter. There is much bigger priority for Sega to attend to Japan’s needs, and Sonic is not one of those needs. Sega also has no console, so Sonic is even less of a priority to maintain. The point of a mascot was to sell a console and your company as a symbol of quality. Without a console, Sega has no motivation or shits to give for Sonic. That’s the entire issue. Mario is big worldwide, so Nintendo can’t afford to fuck up. Even when using a formula THEY KNOW DAMN WELL is not loved.

Then again, there is no reason to expect anything from a Sonic forum that is dominated by Nintards.

What’s this!? No stupid bitch!?

Sonic’s Lost Mind, currently causing a thousand shit storms over the webs because IGN did….. the same damn thing they do with plenty of Sonic games, hype it the fuck up and then toss it to ground, planting it’s ass firmly in the air to prep it for the long dick of their hypocrisy. The funny thing is…. I’m reminded of all the mess that came after Sonic 06 was released. It’s as if we played Regal Ruins all over again.

Damn I love Sonic R’s soundtrack. The damage control is in full force, and it ain’t pretty. You get complaints about bad controls “OH YOU JUST SUCK!”. Don’t complain about bad camera angles, you’ve never been a photographer.

I was previously asked by someone from SAera to do a defense for Sonic 06, and initially I had to pass on the request. There is a staggering number of problems against this game that you’d have to be pretty nuts to try to put together a coherent defense for it. And on a personal level, I don’t even like the game myself. I had to play it again after a long 7 years to see if it’s still as bad as I remember…. and yeah, it is. I actually tried a homing attack on the Wolf Robot and found my ass blasting off into outer space.

It was the funniest and (probably) coolest thing to ever happen in a Sonic game, and it was all by accident. It’s like Sonic took his self inserted game over from Sonic CD and took it to the next level and said “farewell cruel game!”

After fiddling around with the Silver boss fight and trying to get passed the Mach speed zone of Crisis City, I said “fuck this shit” and found a save online so I could play through most of the game without the effort and increase in blood pressure. I actually found Silver’s game more fun than initially seven years back. There’s just something about pulling bars apart and hurling loads of shit around at enemies that gives me a sense  of empowerment. And since he’s slow as molasses, it’s much less frustrating when trying to focus and fight enemies. After a while, even Sonic felt smooth to play through. Shadow’s game, I actually hate now because of that fiddigity ass homing attack nonsense where you mash the jump button as soon as you hit an enemy, and that would be his main attack. Plus, his game is bloated with vehicles and mini-missions where you spend more time looking for items or destroying search lights. And how does Shadow have access to his glider while being trapped in the future? Why does Chaos Spear only stun enemies and not KILL them!? O_O

Nerd perception aside, the PS3 version might have better load times as they weren’t a total bother like on the 360, though it seems to have more bugs (I can’t remember). I notice that when the characters land after a jump, they seem to stick to the ground a few seconds sooner before they actually touch the ground. It just irks me. I actually flew off loops in Wave Ocean a couple times despite being an automated sequence, and Flame Core, falling off the walls randomly while running, but these were about the only instances I’ve encountered so far. Everything else seems to work ok and I guess people over-inflated the frustrations of the Mach speed zones in Crisis City (dat shit was getting on my last nerve too), cause most of the complaints come directly from Sonic’s game. Sonic’s mode is the buggiest out of them all especially since the Mach Speed zones have terrible fuckin controls that don’t respond when you want to turn, which doesn’t help since half of Sonic’s stages feature the damn mach speed zones so it’s something that’s hard to escape. Praise Amma there are only 2 stages with snowboarding or else I’d go clinically insane from that shit. The Elise stages are bizarre in that you need to create a barrier just to go over sand and water. Where does that power even come from!? And why can’t I just run across that bullshit?

Overall, Sonic’s technical problems are probably inflated for everything else in the game cause I didn’t experience shit with Silver or Shadow combined. And the technical problems are the primary focus of “everything that went wrong with 06.”

Everyone talks about the bugs and glitches (most of which are very rare I might ad) and the bad playability, the controls, the camera, etc to explain just why this game bad. Fine. It’s easy to admit the game’s technical problems are there, and they can affect playability to an extent (cue Crystalize calling me a hypocrite). The game is a technical example of what not to do with any video game release. I doubt anyone could blame it on hardware inexperience as Sega has made 2 games for 360 prior to Sonic 06 (Some racing game and Phantasy Star Universe). From what I can gather, PSU isn’t hated for anything other than gameplay direction. “Now it’s a button mashing fest” or something. No details on technical problems or what not. It’s safe to say that Sega just didn’t give a fuck and put out a flawed product and then tried to scoop it under the radar (If Weber’s recent comments weren’t any indication). It’s simply inexcusible for this company put out games with these kinds of faults.

Ok…. now put all that bullshit into a box and label it as…. “Programming Flaws”. And put that into a separate area and look at the game without that box in mind. Can you say, in it’s entirety, that it is a bad game?

People reading this are quick to say “YES! EXTREMELY!”.

The additional characters, an attempt at a plot that isn’t made for anyone with no nutz, a return to “adventure style” gameplay, the RPG-esque gem system…….. music even?

A lot of 06 supporters are quick to say that 06 has nice ideas (none of which I see). Detractors are quick to disagree based on pre-meditated biases of the games flaws. But seeing as every game after it has been considered “RUINED BY GIMMICKS“, and seeing as the only problem people have with 06 is Programming flaws, I’d have to say they’re right. No one gives a shit about Sonic 06’s primary gameplay ideas enough to bash them into hell. It’s all about the programming flaws and the shippers raging at Elise for that Sonamy bullshit will never happen anywhere but that crappy ass Sonic X cartoon.

If Sonic 06 didn’t have nice ideas, you’d hear a lot more about  them since no one can speak anything but bile in regard to 06. No one likes the Wisps except Nintards, everyone hates the swords, the guns, the Mr. Fantastic wolf pussy, and the only complaint I hear about Silver is that “he’s slow”.

The detractors probably feel deep down that the “nice ideas” are pretty damn good, but focus on everything else that’s wrong.

When concerning the story, everyone says it’s needlessly complicated, but the only thing they complain about is the relationship between Sonic and Elise. I think the storyline takes heat from those damn shippers more than anything else. No one talks about anything else but Sonic and that needy bitch suckin face in the final levels. It’s almost disturbing. No one talks about the mythos of Sun worship and how far these crazy people are going to create a giant sun god to change history and what not, the idea of sealing a DEVIL inside of a child, the sheer awesomeness of Mephiles’s scheming, Omega actually being confirmed to be created for the sake of kicking Shadow’s ass (where by making Robotnik almost Batman like in prep time. 2 devices for taking down 2 god-like hedgehogs!?). Hell, the debate about Blaze’s status (Is she alive or dead!?) generated controversy for like….. a year until Unleashed came around and everyone started going batshit insane from a developer blog, but I digress.

If the story is bad because of “beastiality”, how do you accept the implications of interspecies relationship between humans and pokemon from Diamond and Pearl?

Oh fuck it.

This doesn’t make sense unless the argument is coming from shippers, or if they’re autistic. I mean we got Roger Rabbit with his human bitch, we got Droopy the dog with every white woman he can get his hands on, and hell, Peach might as well be fucking Bowser on the patio by now, where did Baby Bowser come from all of a sudden? Ironically, there are more pairings of Sonic and PEACH than ever before. I think it has less to do with the fact that it’s interspecies romance and more with it being treated as a serious implication. Because all those other relationships are in comedies. A Comedy screams “turn your brain off you cunt!” so the desire to care about the material on a ahem….. “personal” level (if possible) is non-existent. For 06, you’re expected to give a rat’s ass.

Whatever the reason, Sonic 06 is bad. Really bad. But not for the reasons given by it’s sheer amount of detractors. No that it matters due to the normality of hating Sonic, and 06 being the defacto example of what not to do with the franchise. And that hatred is based primarily off of programming flaws.

But even then, if you take that away, then people will attack the numerous mach speed zones, the snow boarding sections in all TWO levels, take that away, they’ll go to the beastiality issue, take that away, they go to “Sonic’s friends”, take that away and you have….. nothing. There’s layers upon layers of things not enjoyable in 06, it’s literally defenseless.

So why the fuck are we still talking about it!? Because Lost Mind NEEDS defending from it’s own set of detractors.

See, lately, the fanboys got the idea that since Lost Mind would not perform the Merkaba for the franchise, they are in damage control mode. Damage control, in every sense of the word, is the illegitimate justification of a person, place, or thing based on EXTERNAL factors that may or may not be relevant to the subject matter. Don’t like math, individual ability is at fault. Don’t like Obamacare, you’re a Nazi. Don’t like Last of Us, Tomb Raider, or Heavy Rain, you’re not the target audience. Think Mario Sunshine is shit, “at least it’s better than another Call of fucking Duty #24.”. With Lost Mind, Sonic 06 is now being used to uplift Lost Mind from bad PR.

I call this behavior “Comparative Mitigation“, and it’s one of the less common forms of damage control mostly because it is a crappy technique. By pointing out a universally reviled product, it is done to show that whatever was criticized is… “not so bad” in comparison to whatever they bring up. You can’t criticize Obama worth a damn, else you’ll hear about how much worse Bush was because he was in office when the banking system “crashed”. Recently, I got a comment from a GRNB about me liking Bubsy 3D over Yoshi’s Island. The argument is flawed because, as with all forms of Damage Control, it does not defend said product on it’s own merits and instead substitutes another inferior product in it’s place to take the blunt of the insult. And often times, you’ll hear this kind of argument from Nintendo fans because they’ve had YEARS of training since the Nintendo 64. Sony fandom is an ego fandom because they associate themselves with a successful product. The irony is that Nintendo fans took up the same behaviorial patterns after the Wii, and the damage control for the 3DS was incredible. You notice how you could never shit talk the 3DS without some asshole bringing up the damn  Playstation VITA!? Comparative Mitigation is their greatest vice.

Since current Sonic fans are really Nintendo fans, it’s no surprise why we are once again thrust back into the debates about Sonic 06. The funny thing is not only are Lost Mind detractors shit talking the programming flaws, they’re also attacking the content. You might get a few people that will go on to say that “well I like the story”, but that doesn’t make up for anything else. No one even talks about the MUSIC. That is a red motherfucking flag. Sonic games always get some praise for at least one song. But nothing!? All that hype about the same musician from Unleashed and there’s nothing on the music!? Fuck dat shit mang!

It gets really obnoxious when there are endless comparisons of Sonic to Mario. Ok, they’re both labeled platformers and there’s the rivarly of the 90s. But see, the thing that gets, out of everything else they do…. they do this as a means of bashing Sonic even more so than other franchise. No one will care about Ratchet and Clank, Sly Cooper, etc. etc. because then they’d have to admit Mario games have severe short comings. The easiest target would have to be the one with least amount of sales and the worst reception in the world. And who better than a rival mascot? I’ve said in the past that Nintards are sadistic fairies in that they take delight in tormenting any fandom that does not “appreciate” the objects of their fandom. And Nintendo fans have completely taken over the Sonic fanbase as if imperialistic conquest had been performed, so the rampant comparisons of Sonic to Mario is the keep the pure remnants at bay and silenced. And it’s easy to do so thanks to Neo Sega and their lack of fuck giving.

But the obnoxious thing is when Sonic fans do their own comparisons, the Mario sector has a STRONG tendency, and this pisses me off to no end, to go on the tangent of “well Sega is out of the console business and they’ve been working with Nintendo for a while, so the rivarly is over, shut up about it”. But these duplicitous mutha fuckahs will turn around and make a LAUNDRY LIST of comparisons of Mario to Sonic in order to silence dissent of ANY FUCKING SUPPORT anyone could have of Sonic the Hedgehog. And they know they can get away with it because, like Playstation fans prior to PS3, they’re associated with a successful product. Too successful for it’s own good, I might add, but successful nonetheless. What is Sonic? A fall from fuckin grace.

But compare Mario to Call of Duty, and it’s all about some “genres”. “It CANNOT be compared.” But you compare Mario to Sonic based almost solely on success these days.

The Sonic fandom is a big ass troll magnet. Like moths to a light bulb. You can have people like this Gligar13vids or Mariotehplumber who can go about freely ramming their dicks into the franchise without fear of repercussion because of the current normality. It’s like an African in Morocco, it ain’t safe, and no one will be sorry. How in the world can you defend a franchise that is handled by a company who would rather kill it off if they didn’t need the profits?

At this point though, I can safely say that, thanks to Nintendo’s insanity, the Sonic series is officially dead. It’s best to just move on to another franchise like other reasonable people do. Fortunately, Ratchet and Clank is pretty damn fun. HUZZAH!

Shard Reaper, mother fucker.

NO….ARBITRARY….BULLSHIT!

Due to the Pandora’s Tower bugs, I can’t even finish the fucking game. Currently, XSeed is looking into the problem, but considering that they’re not getting enough complaints, they aren’t convinced that this is an actual problem. More than likely it’ll never have a real fix because of the “majority clause” having nothing to say.

So there’s 40 bucks wasted.

To stave off my pissed-off meter, I decided to pick up Super Paper Mario. You know, me thinking that maybe this game might just be fun. I mean, it’s Paper Mario with regular ass Mario mechanics combined with Action-RPG elements. What could go wrong?

Every mother-fucking thing about this package.

First off, you can’t go into this game thinking t might be a regular ass action-RPG. Oh no, you have to think of it as a prototype for Skyward Sword.

Oh yes. Super Paper Mario is a fine blueprint for Skyward Sword for the fact that the game sends on you on nothing but incredibly boring fetch quests everywhere you go. And usually, it’s for the most idiotic and stupid of shit.

For example, there’s a part in the game where you have to find….. toilet paper. Toilet paper for what? A Pixl. The fuck is a pixl? Little fairy things that give you new powers, many of which are only useful for one portion of the entire game (their introductionary obstacles). Just like Aonuma Zelda where all the new gear becomes completely and utterly worthless after the very dungeon you received the item from! Anywho, the Pixl in question just allows you to change a few things in the background by spinning one portion of it around a bit. Get this, the Pixl waited in a porto-potty for 100 years looking for some toilet paper. 100 years, good thing you’re immortal. But in order to continue, you HAVE to find toilet paper. Why? Because an alien friend of yours knows where a pure heart is (the super important collectables needed to save the world), but she needs to use the bathroom. Even though we’re all in space and she could easily piss herself on the already shit-stained meteor, bitches just need privacy in the deepest parts of space.

I mean for what!? The majority of the game is you playing mother goose’s bitch! I don’t think I recall having to do so many arbitrary fetch quests in any video game outside of Nintendo games these days. And Super Paper Mario has so many bullshit reasons for why you’re doing shit, for example, in the ultra racist cragly world, you have this tv person who lost a key to a door you need to get through. But he mentions his TV crew might have it. So you go through all of this shit looking for them, but when you find them both and return, you find out the dumb ass tv host himself forgot he left it in his pocket.

See, Nintendo pisses me off with stupid BS like this. They think they can get away with arbitrary objectives in their games by overloading them with overwhelmingly silly attempts at humor that they think is cute. But that humor falls flat on it’s face because 1. It’s absolutely childish. 2. It’s condescending as fuck. 3. Overuse of puns kill everything. 4. Humor and comedy work only as a means of relief from situations that are perceived as serious It’s called “comedy relief” for a reason! And comedy is a shitty excuse to send my ass on wild goose chases for a diet book to give to some old bitch…..who’s already dead! What you wanna lose weight for, bitch!? Ain’t no damn modeling in the underworld! *cough* I’m sorry, it’s “underwhere”, which is a shitty pun used to sound like “underwear” so that the dialogue will seem clever and “funny” when you say it out loud. It’s the most pretentious shit I’ve ever seen.

The comedy just… doesn’t… work. Especially since the villains are no where near being threatening.

What the fuck is this thing? Am I supposed to shit myself?

Meet “O chunks”. Along with an incredibly terrible name, he speaks in broken english and is incredibly stupid. But he’s also aggressive and super strong. At the same time, he’s not funny, interesting… or even important. He’s just there to get his ass kicked a million times.

And this…. thing is the main villain, Count Bleck. He looks like a vampire pimp and speaks in third person. He’s not scary or threatening at all, just has lots of cheap powers. Aaaaaaaand he’s only trying to eliminate the universe because he was cock-blocked. Well, I can’t blame him there.

But as a villain, he’s absolutely terrible! Bowser has been and always will be the only Mario Villain that poses even a sliver of a threat. Miyamoto or whoever the fuck makes the games these days do not know how to make good Mario villains, and this is a pure example. You have villains that are non-threatening and are more comical than the stupid ass NPC’s you meet in the game worlds. Not only are all of the villains badly drawn designs, but they reek of cliche to the point that you question Nintendo’s self-proclaimed “innovational” status.

And you know what the fucked up part is? The gameplay is fine. But if it wasn’t such a boring piece of shit, it would’ve been at least… a B- tops. The game is so pretentious, I can’t stand it. And condescending too. I like how Nintendo goes in and insults people on the internet with flanderizations about how they approach certain issues like “complaining about games they’ve never played”. First off, Nintendo lives in some bizarro dimension where anyone who doesn’t like their games automatically have never played them at all. They assume the people who bought their pieces of shit love them to death. Most Nintards do, honestly, but in general, more people come out disappointed than usual.  For one, I’ve not seen one person recommend Super Paper Mario as a game to be included in their Wii collections and for good reason, the entire game is one big fetch quest, even more so than Skyward Sword even.

For example, why the fuck… that after a pretty hefty world, you are required to go back to the main hub world (flipflop town or w/e the hell it’s name is) and find very well hidden pillars just to proceed to the next world? This artificially lengthens the game time for no fucking reason! There’s no rhyme or reason to have to do this. For one, you have… NO MAP in this game, so it’s easy to get lost in flipflop town because every area you go through looks exactly the same, plus the town has a “dark world” variant that you also have to go into just to find more pillars and that creates a giant clusterfuck because then once you find a pillar, you have no shortcuts to get back to the main world entrances, so you have to backtrack and get lost some more, then you might find your way back but you’re too bored, tired, and frustrated from the lack of an actual map and sense of direction that you have to be literally taken out of your mind to even bother progressing. And I don’t see why you would! The story is the most tired load of tripe you will ever find in video games. You remember the post I made a long time back about Sticker Star and why people found the story in Super Paper Mario uninteresting, and that was Nintendo’s excuse to completely disregard it for Sticker Star in favor of really shitty gameplay? THE STORY IN SPM IS SOME BULLSHIT!

There’s nothing of interest to be found except childish and pretentious attempts at humor which only exist to entertain children. Adults cannot be entertained by such a piece of shit game like this. Actually, I don’t think even children could enjoy it because there’s WAAAAAAAAY too much dialogue to shift through. I can see children crying “when can I play the game daddy!? I don’t wanna reeeeeeeeeead!” The story is boring and trite enough as it s, but oh amma, the dialogue is nearly endless in it’s dullness and stupidity!

You know, a lot of Nintendo games happen to be like this. Everything feels arbitrary or pointless to the overall gameplay, but seems to be shoved in there for no reason other than to lengthen the game time. Nintendo seems to have this fucked mentality that length equates to quality. This has never been true for any video game….. except Xenoblade. That shit was so long, but so worth it. But see, that game is long but nothing in it feels arbitrary. It’s long by virtue of it’s own design. Everything fits and makes sense in it’s world. Plus, it gives you the desire to do quests which make the game longer, but seeing as they are not required but beneficial makes them worth it. You don’t feel motivated to do a damn thing in Super Paper Mario. It just feels like one giant and dull process you’re “expected” to do because you payed money for it. But see, the real magic is in the fact that Xenoblade’s content is extremely good. And as an incredibly long RPG game, this is a huge plus. The storyline is the backbone of an RPG’s content. Without a good story, you get current Mario RPGs. Gameplay is not even a good factor for an RPG because it gets repetitive anyway. A big reason of why Pokemon can get away with it is the multiplayer aspect and it’s content centered around building a strong team for competition. No other RPG honestly has it this good. Pokemon can get away with having shitty storylines because the other elements of it’s content does the work for them. Multiplayer will, usually, make up for lame ass content and gameplay. If an RPG has no multiplayer, then it damn well better have good content or gameplay, neither of which Super Paper Mario has. Think about Final Fantasy 7. Gameplay is absolutely dreadful, dull and lifeless, but everyone remembers FF7 for Aries’s death. Resident Evil’s general gameplay is tedious, but people loved it for the scare factor and maybe it’s storyline. Super Paper Mario’s general gameplay is average, but has shitty content that cures your insomnia. The only people who could enjoy this game are the Nintards who probably metacritic’d this game’s rating to disproportionate levels.

I don’t think I’ve had any actual fun from nintendo games outside of NSMB, Kirby Return to Dreamland, and maybe Brawl. Everything else is some trite bullshit that wasn’t worth the money I laid down for. Every game from them have seemed like awful… awful sequels.

Sega on the other hand, even with the bullshit they pulled with Sonic Unleashed and Generations have been much… MUCH better in this regard. See, you jump into their games and actually have some semblance of FUN! Super Monkey Ball is fun on the Wii. House of the Dead is fun. Sega All-Stars Racing is fun. Both Conduit games are incredibly fun. All these games have one thing in common. NO… BULLSHIT!

Sega games are more “arcade” style in design. Sonic games rarely have pointless tutorials you’re forced to sit through before you can actually start the game. When they do, they’re usually short or meshed within levels to have you play without pausing the game for any reason. Super Monkey Ball, you just tilt, hope you don’t fall the hell off, and GOAL! Then you go to the next stage without any long winded transitions. Rarely do any Sega games hog up the play time with silly things called “puzzles and fetch quests” (Sonic Adventure and PSO withstanding). HOTD:O is a lot more enjoyable than the Darkside Chronicles because lack of interruptions in gameplay like “cutscenes” or your partner character randomly getting caught and you have to free him, just get in there and blow shit up. Hell, even Phantasy Star Portable 2 feels like a better RPG than Xenoblade given it’s content and beat’em up style works better than having all of the fighting being on auto-pilot half the friggin time.

The majority of the gameplay you find in current Nintendo games makes you wanna fall the fuck asleep. It doesn’t matter how good the production values are. You’re gonna be bored out of your fucking mind, complaining, or just missing the good ol’ days when Nintendo kicked ass. Sega games constantly have you kicking ass and gives you insomnia half the time. But because Sonic, from 06 to 2009, had several hiccups, we up and assume Sega is a piece of shit in comparison. Nintendo games win awards for no friggin reason. Yurugu must really be in control of this world when people are defending Pikmin 3.

But Nintendo’s biggest problem is artificial length by arbitrary bloat. Too many Zelda games these days are filled to the brim with arbitrary objectives. Skyward Sword, in order to prove that you are a hero of legend to a dragon, you have to catch fucking tadpoles. Does that make any goddamn sense!? How about fighting a demon or saving people from a burning building! You want me to go fish!? And there’s no reason for a lot of the objectives in Super Paper Mario either. Why do I need to put on some weed hat to pass through a gate checking system when there’s real reason that I can’t just rush through it seeing as there no highly advanced security system set to KILL ME if I fail the security check.

Sega rarely puts you through that kind of shit in their games, but Nintendo seems to bloat their games with so many pointless puzzles and fetch quests with reasons given that seem to be created primarily to troll you for no reason. It’s probably Nintendo thinking they’re clever or funny, but it reeks of pretentious old men who think of nothing more than sadistic little exercises designed only to piss you off simply because they can. Sega games feel like games. Nintendo games feel odd and out of place for gaming, period. Playing Nintendo games on the cube, I kept questioning whether or not the Nintendo games I owned could be called games, outside of F-Zero GX, Custom Robo, Melee and maybe Star Fox Assault, rather than these one time only experiences that you have fun with the first time, then you sell the piece of shit because there’s no replay value at all. The problems Nintendo had with previous Ninty games are SCREAMING in their Wii titles, and I see no end to it in sight.

Instead, Iwata’s just gonna go on stage and apologize to several people for under-performing on their sales of their tech and software. What kind of pussy allows his developers to run amok and create terrible Nintendo games and see no reason to improve the output of their games? Instead, they shit out an NSMB game that DOES NOT CONVINCE PEOPLE TO BUY A WII U! NSMB was a cash cow, but if it couldn’t sell people on the Wii U, you know Nintendo is fucked. Pokemon is literally all they have left. If you’re considering becoming a Nintendo fan, you enjoyment stops at Pokemon and nothing else. They ruined Star Fox, killed off Metroid, destroyed Zelda, and literally did the impossible and KILLED NSMB! They’ve been fucking up everything! And they do not care the slightest. As long as they’re allowed to make excuses and continue to purposefully misinterpret what the fans want from their games, they’re going to run their franchises into the ground for the sake of “innovation” that no one gives a shit about! They don’t give a fuck about you!

Sega seems to be the only developer that actually gives a fuck these days. Most of my enjoyment came from them for this past generation, and it’s easy to see why. Even with motion controls, they still tried to make real games. And believe me, if they make real shit in the next generation, I’ll be there too.

Because it’s clear at this point that they’re ran by monkeys.

“Mr Kensuke Tanabe: When you think of RPGs, you think of the traditional game style where the user gains experience points and levels up. In Sticker Star we did our very best to create an adventure game filled with battles completely unrelated to experience points and level ups. We are calling the genre “Sticker Battle Adventure”.”

If there was a need to use “gay” as a derogatory remark, this would be it.

Check out this post where Miyamoto wonders if “story is necessary in games”.

The general idea is right on the money. A lot of story can be cut out of most video games because for most games, gameplay is what people really stick around for.

The problem with that logic is… this is an RPG about Mario.

First rule of Mario games is to NEVER focus strongly on storyline. Period. Mario has never been about Story. At most, if he knows what’s good for him, he should stick to saving the princess from that evil Bowser..

But here’s what’s wrong. Even THAT gets boring after a while. And the fact that this is an RPG itself. And that the gameplay is shit.

Every Mario game’s plot is the same in some regard. Mario always has to save the Princess. Or it’s at least the motive to progress through a game. After that, it should be a nirvana of fun.

But at the same time, as an RPG, it’s a general rule that they need some kind of story or motivation for you to progress. It doesn’t have to be Shakespeare. It just needs to be interesting.

Or crack

And this is why the story of Super Paper Mario was not “interesting” to even 1 percent of the people playing the game. Because.. again. Peach gets captured, everyone thinks it’s bowser, but it’s revealed to be some “new villain” with a “big plan”. He sucks Mario’s friends into a Black Hole, and it’s p to Mario to save them by finding 8 hearts.

 

……..

………

 

 

 

Yeah, why the fuck would anyone be interested in a regurgitated plot!? You know what would be interesting? If Mario was actually the villain for once. He finds out Peach is in love with someone else and decides to return to Pauline and start a coup to conquer the Mushroom Kingdom. And then, it would be up to Luigi, Donkey Kong, and mother fucking Yoshi to go in and kick his fat ass.

But no. Lets make a game about STICKERS!

This is the main problem with Nintendo’s developers. They see people having no interest in something and put the blame somewhere else. Nintendo games not selling? Must be accessibility! So lets put in a dvd to help people learn how to swing the wiimote to do a spin attack. Lets make tutorial videos in NSMBW to tell people how to get over a certain obstacle! Lets make an annoying sidekick tell you specifically that there’s an 85% chance a FUCKING KEY is in a chest, and that you need to open it.

It certainly can’t be the lack of QUALITY in their department! No, the problem is YOU, faithful Nintendo gamer, for not knowing shit about their genius.

No one likes to talk about the Universe of Mario because it’s stale and devoid of life. There is a REAL lack of interest in the characters or the world because they preferred to focus on the gameplay. That’s all fine and dandy, but here’s the problem. You’re dismissing it for a game that actually NEEDS a decent story. RPG’s need a tangible story to hold a player’s interest. Or be crack like Pokemon and Phantasy Star. Pokemon is interesting because there is literally no story to be found. But it is damned interesting! Mainly cause the characters and universe have something called “appeal”. It’s interesting how the world of Pokemon operates according to little monsters that can tear you to pieces if given the chance. The TV show also had a hand in creating this environment, but the point still stands. Why the fuck would I be more interested in a game about stickers?

While it can be the case some of the time, people aren’t interested in the story NOT because they feel it’s not necessary to their enjoyment. But mainly because it’s shit. There’s no getting around that. But Miyamoto has never been the type to admit Mario games have a shit universe. Even Kirby is cooler than Mario. Man I love Kirby games. Taking the Megaman concept and making it so you can copy EVERYONE’S abilities was a stroke of genius. Plus, it and Pokemon are the only franchises not yet fucked up by Nintendo’s “surprises“.

If you want people to be interested in something, make sure the game has appeal beyond name brand recognition.

Fuck you H.A.A.R.P

Before this AlphaOmegaChristianWrathSuperStorm hits my hometown and eventually ends my life, I might as well write this up now.

Ever since the dawn of 2006, Sonic fans have nosedived into the pit of insanity! Sega had crossed the moral event horizon. Sonic was finished!

It didn’t matter what Sega could do next to quell the tears of the Sonic fanbase. Pandora’s box was opened when a white woman kissed a corpse to turn it into a super saiyan! The franchise was fucking ruined. And nothing could change that.
Shadow’s “gangsta” attitude was already pushing it, and 06 sealed the deal. Yes folks, 2 games in an entire franchise is death.  And usually, it takes just 1 time to kill something. Look at Bloody Roar 4.

Yugo: WHAT DID YOU DO TO EIGHTING!?

So, since the end had finally come, like all hardcore gamers, the sonic fanbase had been convinced, and nothing would change their perception. The only conceivable way to “save the franchise” (as several million blog posts will tell you)…. is to sell the franchise to Nintendo.

Yes, the company that produced classics such as Metroid: Other M, Pikmin, and Zelda: Skyward Bore should be given a franchise that can still be salvaged. The logic behind this insane notion is that Sonic’s rival from the over-stated genesis/SNES “conflict”, Super Mario, has produced nothing but quality titles since the very beginning of the NES’s birth. Mario has never seen a bad game (we just pretended sunshine never happened).

The fanboys and viral marketers couldn’t be further from the truth. The reason Sonic’s popularity is already in the shitter…. was because Sonic tried to be exactly like Mario.

You see, there’s a strange phenomenon in the gaming world. When things go 3D, franchises seem to die easily. The transition to 3D is always rocky, but Nintendo is known as the only company who has ever been able to pull it off. I mean, Ocarina of Time sold 8 Million units! And those awards! It won GOTY 3 times in the same year! Did Sonic Adventure make GOTY?! Hell no! That means it sucked!

What didn’t Ocarina of Time do? Well, it certainly got a lot of awards and “revolutionized gaming” by giving people a lock on system for combat.

…….So why didn’t it sell N64’s? Why didn’t it sell 3DS’s? Fuck, wasn’t the fact that this game sold like shit the major contributing factor that led to the 3DS going through a price drop and leading to Nintendo’s massive profit loss of 970 million?

It really IS in the red!

The problem is because Ocarina of Time didn’t do shit for Nintendo except give Eiji Aonuma an inflated sense of self-worth that allowed him to unleash his magnificence that is Skyward Sword, officially turning the franchise into a giant fucking laughing stock (hell, it already was when Spirit Tracks wounded up in the bomba bin of Japan).

Thought I was making that shit up!?

I wouldn’t even fucking joke about wanting to sell Sonic to this company just because of a “perceived” quality of Mario games. If people thought Sonic sucks now, then great Amma I fear what Nintendo would do if those Olympics games are anything to go by.

The truth is Mario games aren’t of the highest quality as many people think. When Mario jumped into 3D, the same thing happened as with a lot of 2D franchises. It’s popularity declined. The N64 was only popular in a tiny sect of North America. And Mario 64 hardly got people interested in it’s silly 64bit power. Infact, Mario was already starting to suck even before Mario 64 came out.

Back when the SNES first released, Sonic was already kicking ass. Super Mario World came out and didn’t even put a dent in Sonic’s asskickery. Super Mario World was less popular than his first 3 outings on the NES. Shitty music, lack of any real new content (oh sure, Yoshi was cool. That’s it’s only real contribution) and a downgraded version of SMB3’s gameplay. Super Mario World 2 came out, and no one wanted that shit. Cutesy graphics (yes, this actually MATTERED back then) and you playing the role of a mutant baby sitter. Who thought this would be a success!? Oh right, that “genius” Shigeru Miyamoto!

He secretly wants to kill that little fucker.

Sit down kids for a little camping story.

You see, what eventually saved the SNES from a supreme ass beating were 2 games.

Super Street Fighter 2

And primarily, Donkey Kong Country.

You can ride rhinos!? FUCK YEAH!

DKC was a special treat that nearly saved Nintendo’s asses back in the 90’s. It was made by Rare, you know, that company that gave Nintendo that fucking awesome fighting game and FPS called GoldenEye? Yeah Nintendo fans, feel free to curse their names knowing THEY ensured you have to buy those shitty, unstable Xbox’s just to play Killer Instinct, costing you more money to rebuy that shit.

Anywho, due to DKC’s success in saving ass, Nintendo wanted Miyamoto to make a similar game using 32bit graphics. But Miyamoto was “above” using pseudo 3D graphics. In defiance, he made Yoshi’s Island to show he can make good games without good graphics. And the hardcore gamers believe this was a good decision. How well did Yoshi’s Island do? Oh wait, it didn’t! It didn’t even sell half as much as DKC. It didn’t even get SNES’s into people’s households. The game was a fluke.

Nintendo fans seem to be in a state of continual psychosis that makes them believe everything they love is an astounding success. That explains the praise of Super Metroid even though it also sold like shit (1 Million in the 90’s was nothing to write home about, considering Nintendo could produce numbers bigger than that). Miyamoto’s defiance proved nothing except his arrogance. He also designed the Virtual Boy… which failed. He made 2 Pikmin games… that failed (yet has the audacity to make a 3rd one). He designed the 3DS… which cost the company 900mil. He appointed Aonuma to be Mr. Zelda… who made Zelda go into the Bomba Bin.

BUT IT WAS THOSE MARKETERS, I’LL TELL YAH!

History dictates that this man should’ve been fired a long time ago. But Nintendo likes to protect their employees from the investors. Miyamoto has been made into an idol to be worshipped, which makes him a valuable asset to the company’s image, which is working nicely. But his image apparently runs a high price tag considering many of his recent projects end up being less than stellar.

But I would pay money to see him fight Tomonabu Itigaki with the Master Sword.

His 3D Mario games haven’t been making serious numbers to compete with his earlier Mario titles. One of the things I’ve learned over the years is that people hate fetch quests. When you have to spend hours looking for keys or items just to progress through a level, people will curse the game, and usually it ends up failing. Look at Knuckles in the Adventure games. People LOATHE ENTIRELY! And Sega has yet to get that message. No one likes searching a level for some items. It’s not fun. It feels unnatural to progress through a level by having to find X number of the same item. It takes the fun out of conquering a tough level by turning it into a chug fest to backtrack areas several times, especially if nothing happens. So what happened to Mario? Miyamoto turns the entire goal of Mario into a fetch quest! It wasn’t enough looking for stupid Yoshi coins in SMW, lets make that the main goal for all Mario games produced!

BRILLIANT! *toasts*

What happened next? People stop buying Nintendo consoles for Mario games. And usually, that’s the main reason to get a Nintendo console. To play Mario. Most people don’t give 2 shits about Metroid. But now they don’t care about Mario either. And who the fuck could blame them with terrifying marketing like this!? Hory shiiit! I don’t want to buy Mario games anymore!

Iz diz fool srs? That commercial was funny, not gay!

And nintendo wonders why the game didn’t sell well.

During 2009, people believed that the Wii would stop selling because usually after 3 years, consoles stop selling. Then we got NSMBW that got people buying even more Wii’s. What the fuck happened here!?

This is what people saw when NSMBW was launched.

It was a giant wake-up call to the industry that people like games that appeared before this 3d gunk shit. What did Miyamoto do? Same thing with Yoshi’s Island. He wrote it off saying it was “nostalgia” and proceeded to insult people’s intelligence by including an instructional DVD with copies of Super Mario Galaxy 2… which bombed. Hate to break it to yah Ninty, but people also don’t like being treated like idiots. Which is why Fi is being considered the worst Zelda character… ever.

One of the things that tickles my soul is hearing people say that Mario has always stuck to his roots whereas Sonic has not. Really? I suppose running around really fast while collecting rings and kicking enemy ass along the way to the finish line is so… un-classic.

Above: Totally not the roots of Sonic.

If Nintendo fans honestly believe that running stages 6-8 times to find an item over and over again are sticking closely to Mario’s roots, then they must be nutty as squirrel shit. Shadow the Hedgehog was literally closer to Sonic’s roots than Mario Galaxy 2 was to Super Mario Brothers. Even with the guns. Give me a pp7 over that pussy water gun anyday.

The votes are in. Mario’s popularity waned when he jumped into 3D. Why? Gay ass commercials and fetch quests as the main goal of the games. Nintendo fans are easily pacified due to Nintendo’s “innocent’ seeming nature. It’s easy to forgive a company that doesn’t display a bad boy image. Sega was “rad” and brash, while Nintendo was “so friendly” with it’s marketing. It’s easier to bash Sonic than the laughing stock that is Mario Galaxy because…. Sonic’s a dick. And Mario just saves princesses.
But the truth is Sonic fans need to stop going overboard with such hyperbole as “Sega needing to sell Sonic to Nintendo”, because Nintendo would fucking ruin Sonic in ways a pedophile could ruin a child’s life. They would rape Sonic sans lube, and that’s before greasing their “friendly” creativity dicks with bacon fat and then leaving them to baste in an oven for 2 hours. That visual alone isn’t enough to describe the horrors of Miyamoto’s arrogance in making quality products.