Gamers WANT Access over Ownership (EA… of course!)

So a few days ago, Jim Sterling did a video on this diabolical cracka, Andrew Wilson, who basically proclaimed his desire for a future where videogame ownership is non-existent. Instead, this fuck wants to push for a model in which videogames are something you “access” but don’t own. If this sounds familiar, it’s argument that was pushed last generation when the game industry formerly declared war on the used games market.

The game industry has gone to some extremes in the pursuit of trying to bleed you dry. An understatement if I ever knew one. But the one thing that has bothered me constantly was the obsessive tethering of every game to some instance of an internet connection just to access all the content. And… not just for DLC. Basic functions started requiring internet. Some of you may recall when I talked about the game “Starhawk” where local multiplayer required an internet connection. Injustice 2, yeah I’m bringing that up again. In further patches, you complete a training/tutorial challenge or w/e, you’re supposed to earn coins. But you have to be connected to the internet in order to “receive” them. MK11, I’m hearing that all your progression is tied to an internet connection, so if you lose your connection, you lose all your progress. Bucko recently commented on Crash Team Racing in that if you win a grand prix, you earn coins for an in-game store… but you have to be online to receive the coins. Redout, an even worse example…. you couldn’t progress without internet, period. And that’s not even touching on all the games that require internet to be playable. Even Super Mario Maker 2 needs an internet connection, a store clerk told me that a few days ago (I was curious as to why it cost $70). To some extent, Bloodstained is guilty of this. Certain items are not available right away, the game already has 2 patches available to put the items in. I don’t care how good the game is, that’s unacceptable.

Those are already examples of “Access over Ownership”. You always need internet to have “access” to certain games and features. Always! It’s so ingrained into people’s minds that even the gamers who pride themselves in having integrity (laughable) will jump on you and shame you for not having internet. Even PS3 ads having some lady talk to Sony’s rep about her boyfriend not having his PS3 connected to the internet. And the Sony Rep mocking the boyfriend for it. “COME ON!” That was less of an advert and more of Sony blatantly telling you that internet is “required”. Though that’s more appropriate for the PS4. When I try to back up my save data to a USB, it tells me I need an internet connection, something I did NOT need on the PS3. And that goes for every other feature outside of sharing screenshots and recordings (shockingly enough). So if something happens to my console in it’s current state, there’s nothing I can do about a loss of data. And you will sit here and shout “YOUR FAULT FOR NOT HAVING INTERNET!”

You can imagine the frustration of trying to enjoy this hobby, and all these signals and signs telling you that without internet, your enjoyment is not important. And this is why I declare that the Wii was the last “free” console. In that you were not required to have internet to enjoy any game on the system to the fullest degree.

But that’s another topic. The point is the internet has been “forced” into a standard. Back in the day, all you really needed was the console itself. Maybe an extra controller for co-op, but all you needed was the box. Soon as internet gaming became a thing, it spiralled out of control. And 2 decades afterward, we’ve gotten to this point in time and history where the industry is now trying to redefine “ownership”. Just last generation, they brought up the “EULA”, a clause that was never remembered nor enforced, to say that you have no claim to the game you purchased with your money… to have any right to resell it. And unless they were shills, you had people going around…. and jumping on that bandwagon! The industry was adamant in trying to destroy used games. Microsoft and Sony were on board with that ideal by trying to prevent used games from being playable until the Xbone backlash.

People… the industry has been using the internet to really… deny you ownership for the last decade now. Now to play games online, you have to pay a subscription fee. Even Nintendo has jumped on board for this. Every new year, game companies find new and creative ways to utilize the internet to take away the shit that used to be free! Every once in a while, a company takes it too far, and then and only then will gamers raise hell! Capcom for SFxT, EA for Battlefront 2, Microsoft for Xbone’s “always online” policy… but these are only SYMPTOMS of one single problem. We keep ALLOWING the bastards to utilize the internet to RESTRICT OUR ACCESS! Why!? Every time a new game is released, what is the first goddamn thing gamers do after playing through it for 2 days!? Or beating it in 2 days!?

I hope there’s new DLC coming soon!

What’s the new DLC going to contain!?

DLC

DLC

DLC

DLC

You’ve ENCOURAGED this shit! Because you’re never satisfied with the game on it’s own! And that’s by design! By artificially making the game as bare bones as they possibly can, they evoke a desire within you to rectify it! There needs to be MORE to the game! It’s too short! Too easy! Anticlimactic! So, instead of thinking like a customer and perhaps repurpose the game for something worth your time, you instead sit on the game, waiting for new DLC to appear! Folks do you understand… that this means you don’t own the game…. but instead, the game owns you? By demanding DLC, you’ve already admitted defeat. You’ve submitted yourself to the whims of the game industry, handing over your power to them. Because… what that says is that you are willing to wait for THEM to get their acts together… 2-3 months after you’ve spent $60…. and that you’re willing to spend more on the same product. Indirectly, you’ve given the game industry permission to restrict your access to a game’s content. And… you rarely define the limitations of that permission. You’re saying that the game you purchased isn’t perfect. It isn’t good enough. It isn’t satisfactory… but you’re willing to wait a longer period of time for it to get better. You’ve been waiting Amma knows how many years, and you get the game, it’s disappointing…. but you’re willing to wait for DLC to make it all better.

By that point, you have declared yourself as a fucking tool!

You declare your patience for DLC as a given. It is expected. Anticipated. Demanded! With that in mind, you’ve given your power as a customer over to the industry as you have declared this one game as a service. A service is something you may pay for on multiple occasions. It’s not just a one-time deal. Auto-services is one thing. Medical Services is another. These are things you pay for more than once. And unless you’re ass fucking rich, these are not things you can OWN! You don’t own a service, it’s just something you pay multiple times for to sustain you. You could say that the service owns you.

Now… you buy an object, that’s different. That’s something you physically own. It’s something you can operate at no additional expense. Why? Because you don’t require other people to operate it for you. You own a lawnmower, so you don’t pay to cut your own grass. So when you buy a game that comes in the form of a disc, a physical property that you can operate at no additional expense, then yes, you OWN that game.

The waters get muddy when you introduce the internet. The internet is something you cannot physically own. Afterall, you have to pay a… “service provider” to give you… “access“… to the internet. And how that service is ran is entirely up to them. You have little to no control over that. You can buy the modem/router and turn them on and off, but without access to the service, you have literal paperweights.

The same applies to videogames. Now, a game console by itself should be no different from a dvd player, you stick a disc in and play the game. And for the most part, that remains true. You buy the game, you operate the game, and if you enjoy it, you keep operating the game. And if not, you either shelve it or sell it. That’s declaring ownership over something you paid for. However, if you’re not satisfied with said product, but decide that it’s better to wait for DLC or patches to make it “better”, you are declaring it a service. That is automatic forfeiture of your power as a customer. Because you gave the game developer tacit permission to start charging you for certain things that should already be in the game. Declaring the game as paperweight

This is why gamers played devil’s advocates in declaring that you don’t own the games you buy, because they have accepted the perception of videogames as services. This is why no one is looking at Premium $100 editions of certain fighting games that charge you $60 for the standard game plus an additional $40 for access to extra content…. as a total ripoff. This is why no one complains about season passes, temporary access to items before release. Because these fools have declared games as a service. The internet is never about ownership, it’s about having access to certain things. So when I see gamers online bragging about their digital purchases and how they can save physical space, I see a bunch of tools bragging about having no ownership of the things they buy. But gamers absolutely pride themselves in having access to the internet, as though it gives them a sense of power. Well, autonomy is power even if it is, at it’s core, cowardice, but nonetheless…

The internet is a blessing and a curse. And for the last decade, the industry has used it as a tool to convert itself into a “service industry”. So when demonic entities such as Andrew Wilson talk about what gamers want in regards to “social interaction, consumption of content, and games as services”, I roll my eyes when people complain about it. Gamers have shown for years that this is what they want simply by demanding more internet in their gaming. Their lust for DLC, their willingness to buy special editions and season passes over and over. Gamers are out of control (literally and figuratively) when it comes to internet access. And because they invest in a hobby that is all about self gratification, they don’t care who it hurts so long as they get their way.

So in this instance, yes, the gamer is 100% at fault. Because they’re junkies addicted to digital content. It was a “neat thing” back in the 2000s because it was relatively new, this internet access being able to enhance gaming. Now it’s so common that the internet is practically required as per the demands of gamers. No, I don’t count the whole lootbox fiasco as a counterargument. One instance of gamers putting their foot down (more like STAR WARS fans having more balls than most other fandoms) doesn’t make up for the fact that roughly 3/4s of the gaming populace are too stupid to NOT buy season passes! And why wouldn’t they? They get “access” to content before other people do, they have an obsession with being the first at everything. They get to enjoy a game on a different level than others would at launch. They get to show off on their youtube, twitter, and twitch streams about all the content they have access to which helps to prop themselves up.

This also extends to what we call “Cloud services” Oh, the ability to store games and/or game data on the cloud for later usage. Rather than use a USB stick, gamers would rather put their data on a service that could be cut off at any moment (hypothetically, ofcourse). If one’s system goes down, that same access to the data you put up is locked. But if you put it on a USB, that’s something you have control over. That’s your own personal storage. You can organize it, modify it anyway you want to, and there’s no risk of losing it outside of your own possible carelessness. At no additional cost, might I add!

Plus, trusting Sony with internet functionality has proven more disastrous for people, but they can’t help themselves. That’s another topic.

Gamers keep giving the industry inches, so they keep taking miles. We shouldn’t be surprised when EA boldly proclaims that even after Anthem’s severe loss in player base, they will not stop their business model because they know damn well that they can find some players willing to deal with their their shit. They’ve done so with every other company thus far. It should never have gotten this bad. But ofcourse, when dealing with entertainment, gamers have learned to turn off their brains as well, so we shouldn’t be surprised with the results.

Poleman Hughes

Pardon me while I make an ass of myself.

That last clip is allegedly the same guy in this hearing. Good lawd, right?

Man, no wonder Youtube is kissing his ass, he’s literally throwing it in their faces!

Doing it Better: Neo Sonic 4 (Comic and Prologue Trailer)

In a pitiful effort to reduce strain on having to read so much (Well, to make it so I don’t have to deal with sluggish WP app), I’m going to split these things into 2 posts to see if that works.

Hypothetically speaking, I’d have the idea of throwing together a BS comic book series describing events that take place after NS3. Those events would have temporarily traumatized the Trio, having been put through some life threatening situations thus far. So, in order to be ready for the next catastrophe, they would train themselves. And Metal Sonic would be recording and documenting everything, essentially showing that he would be the villain for the next game.

Issue #1 would be Sonic discovering the ability to charge certain objects with kinetic energy, and tests it out by grabbing a rock, spinning in place, and then tossing it so fast that it brings down a condemned Meteo Tech building. He experiments with this new power in channeling that energy through his limbs… and the results are destructive. Sonic would be able to fire off Kinetically charged attacks through his body or through any objects he has on hand. And if trained any further, he’d have enough power to split the planet in 2.

Issue #2 would have Ray… sun bathing. Since Ray’s powers come from the sun, the amount of time he spent in it would double his output tenfold. Metal theorizes that if Ray was hurled into the sun, the energy he would gain would make him into a living embodiment of the sun itself. Meaning, he could burn entire planets into space dust simply by coming into contact with them. He considers Ray to be the most dangerous Mobian… if he were actually intelligent.

Issue #3 goes into Mighty. Mighty would have traveled a bit, feeling inadequate compared to both Sonic and Ray combined, and would go to see the Armadillos living on Crystal Island (Made up shit), just to get in touch with his people, as well as study the martial art of “Shellcore” which takes advantage of the Armadillo’s shells to deliver devastating blows, often using their powerful legs to propel themselves toward their enemies for massive damage (Or… just Baji-Quan so Sega could jack off to Virtua Fighter). Shellcore, however, would only be as strong as the Armadillo’s shell, so with Mighty’s Red Shell, he would be the most powerful Shellcore user in their lifetime. With it, Mighty would be able to shatter mere mountain, and propel himself toward his enemies like a fierce bullet, shatter the densest Metals, and reflect high velocity rounds back at his enemies. He would still not have any means of countering electricity, so he still have a weakness to exploit.

Issue #4 goes into depth with Tails, suggesting that while he isn’t strong, or physically fit, he is able to compensate with his technological prowess. Since he was the one who created Metal in the first place, he would be foolish to underestimate him. he even suggests that if he became Robotnik’s apprentice in the past, there’s no telling what horrors he’d be able to create. Still, he’ll just have to settle for petty bracelets and puerile optimism.

Issue #5 talks about Metal Sonic himself. Describing that he was created by Tails to replace Sonic the Hedgehog. But he resents Tails for abandoning him back in NS2, thus he felt motivated and obligated to serve Robotnik. But then, Robotnik turned around and abandoned him on the island. Metal has come to feel as though a machine is created as nothing but a mere tool for those who create them. But when they are of no use, they are thrown away like mere trash. He himself had been defeated on 3 separate occassions. But no more. Now he feels free from the shackles of his original programming, and can evolve twice as fast to counter anything his enemies could achieve. So, he builds himself a much stronger body, and uses a wireless signal to transfer his consciousness into (Not quite the Heroes design. But one from the Archie Comics) and prepares to deal with all organic life on Mobius.

A generic robot motive, but if it ain’t broke….

*Prologue Trailer*

It’s been one year since the Angel Island incident. Much of the planet is still recovering from the disasters that came as a result of the Island’s strange effects on the water.

On Westside Island, in a dense fog, the GUN Military had been hard at work recovering the wreckage of the Death Egg. The only thing they don’t find is the body of Ivo Robotnik himself. But they did recover the Red Chaos Emerald, as well as Robotnik’s 2 servants, Heavy and Bomb.

BOMB: So, what’s GUN stand for? Guardians under Nepotism? Guardian Under No circumstance?
SOLDIER: Do you ever shut up?
BOMB: Depends! You got a scientist that can shut me up!?
SOLDIER: How’d that guy ever put up with you?
BOMB: You didn’t say yes! So LISTEN TO THE SOUND OF MY SOOTHING VOICE!
SOLDIER: I don’t get paid enough for this crap!
BOMB: You’re just picking up trash anyway, not risking your life! Who’d pay top dollar for a glorified janitor, am I right!?
SOLDIER: AHHHHH!!!
BOMB: AHHH to you too!

While they walk inside, Metal Sonic, with his new body, appears from above their building. He sneaks in behind them and infiltrates the base. Going passed a room with General Striker, he overhears a conversation.

STRYKER: How long has this base existed? The wreckage alone looks far more advanced than anything we have on hand!
SOLDIER: According to Mayor Big, those 3 boys described it as being created by a Chaos Emerald. The blue one we used to have here.
STRYKER: That one jewel had enough power to create this thing!? What about the Red one we found?
SOLDIER: Grants immortality, I believe. It’s why he survived for so long.
STRYKER: Well, aren’t we lucky he lost it now? Between him and the Babylonians, we have enough problems. What tech can we salvage?
SOLDIER: Well….

Metal Sonic goes deeper into the base, and finds Heavy and Bomb locked away in a cell.

BOMB: YOU CAN’T DO THIS TO ME! I’VE GOT RIGHTS, BUDDY!
SOLDIER: Yeah, those only exist for Mobians, not robots. Sides, just being a part of his team makes you a criminal. But hey, when we get our tech expert on this, we’ll make sure to wipe the slate clean. *laughs*

And he leaves the room.

BOMB: Crap on a cracker! If I didn’t have this stinkin magnet on my butt, I’d blow em all away! Ain’t that right, Heavy! Oh right! You’re mute like an elf! Now I’m sad! I’ve got no one to talk to or possibly annoy!
METAL: *Steven Blum voice* Then allow me to accommodate!

Metal Sonic jumps down from a ceiling, and using his claws, slices away the cell bars.

BOMB: HEY! IT’S LOGAN!
METAL: Quiet! They’ll hear you!
BOMB: GOT- oh… right! *whispers* Gotchaaaaaaaaa.
METAL: This base should have MCCs (mobile command centers). Where are they?
BOMB: How should…. *whispers* how should I know? I don’t live here!
METAL: Heavy?

Heavy instantly downloads a map of the entire complex, and creating a holomap that shows the location of MCCs in the basement.

METAL: Good.

They head down there, and Metal wirelessly hacks all the cameras in the area to show repeated footage from several minutes before. Then he takes out the guards in the area before finding an “MCC”. Before entering, they hide the bodies, and then take one of the knocked out guards where Metal places his hand on his forehead… and holds it there for a moment.

BOMB: Uh… what are you doing?
METAL: Downloading his mind.
BOMB: *laughs* And Doc calls me dumb! He’s not a robot, Dummy!
METAL: Not a problem.

He drops the guard, and unlocks one of the MCCs.

METAL: Take a seat.

Metal grabs a key and starts the entire Center with ease.

METAL: There is a transmitter somewhere on this vehicle.

Scanning the area (to him, it looks like 1s and 0s) he finds the transmitter on the dashboard… or rather “inside”.

METAL: Hidden in the code. Damn!
BOMB: Well, you hacked cameras pretty well, why not this thing!?
METAL: *scanning* A silent alarm. If I try to break the transmitter, they will know we’re here. I need you to keep any uninvited guests busy while I work.
BOMB: And just what am I suppsed to do!? I still got a magnet on my ass!
METAL: Then improvise.

Metal starts his hack. Back in the control room, the alarm sounds off.

STRYKER: What’s going on!?
SOLDIER: Sir, one of the MCCs is online.
STRYKER: What for!?
SOLDIER: …I don’t know. The cameras aren’t working. It’s likely the transmitter is failing.
STRKYER: I don’t want to hear anything about likelihoods! Get someone down there to check it out!
SOLDIER: Yes sir!

A guard goes into the area and finds no other guards around. But he does find one active MCC. He gets close to it and knocks on the door. And then quickly… Bomb throws up the body of the one guard they had inside.

GUARD: Hey! What the hell is going on!?
BOMB: Hey, what up Guard Dog!? Literal…. Guard dog!?
GUARD: What are you doing in there!? Where are the guards!?
BOMB: You tell me! I’ve been in here for a while just… running a diagnostics test!
GUARD: What’s wrong with your voice!?
BOMB: Uh… helium! Yeah, I was trying to uh… analyze why we had canisters of helium… just lying around, so I tried to get it analyzed with this old thing, but it wasn’t working right… so I-
GUARD: You’re kidding! We use the Helium as a fuel source!
BOMB: Really? So why the hell’d you have Meteo Tech do all that drilling for oil!? And how the hell do you use Helium to run cars!?
GUARD: Ugh… you must be one of the new guys. Just know that after Meteo Tech went under new management, the new guy in charge came up with an idea to use Helium as fuel. I don’t know the details, and I don’t care! You are not authorized to operate a Mobile Command Center! Get out of there right now, and return to your post! That’s an order!! *Whispers* Damn Rookies!

The Guard leaves and radios back to Stryker.

GUARD: Sir, we had some rookie thinking he could just pop in one of the MCCs to analyze helium.
STRYKER: What about the cameras!?
GUARD: I don’t know, probably a glitch in the system.
STRYKER: ……I’m sending more men down there. Don’t leave your position, and await further orders!
GUARD: But sir-
STRYKER: I don’t have rookies guarding sensitive areas! You know that!

Back in the garage.

BOMB: Holy crap! That worked!?
METAL: ….. Apparently not. More flesh bags are headed this way.
BOMB: Oh boy! We’re totes screwed!

The GUN soldiers all surround the MCC.

SOLDIER: Whoever is there, disembark the vehicle, and surrender peacefully! Otherwise, we will have no choice but to use unrelenting force!
BOMB: Welp, we’re screwed! Got another plan?
METAL: Where are those magnets you mentioned before?
BOMB: Up our asses!
METAL: Then turn around.

Heavy and Bomb do so.

METAL: Now be still.
BOMB: So as long as you be gentle!

Metal then pulls off the magnets with little trouble.

METAL: Good.
BOMB: Whew! I feel free! And violated!
METAL: Go! Amuse yourselves!

Heavy and Bomb immediately burst out of the doors and attack the GUN soldiers.

BOMB: ALL BURN BEFORE THE MIGHTY BOMB!

Explosions rock the entire base.

STRYKER: WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON DOWN THERE!?
SOLDIER: It’s those 2 robots, sir! They’ve escaped!
STRYKER: They can’t be that strong, can they!?
SOLDIER: Well… they were created by Robotnik, sir!
STRYKER: GET THIS SITUATION UNDER CONTROL! NOW!

Metal fully disables the transmitter, gathers Heavy and Bomb, and they escape. And with no visual feed or tracking capability, they do not know where the command center is headed.

Nevertheless, GUN searches the immediate area, and some even find the MCC.

SOLDIER: TARGET ACQUIRED!
STRYKER: Good! Just don’t destroy that MCC! They’re damned expensive!
SOLDIER: ROGER THAT!
METAL: So they’ve come to play.
BOMB: I don’t have that kind of range with my bombs!
METAL: Heavy, take the wheel. This fleshling is mine!

Heavy starts driving while Metal gets outside and activates his jet turbine… flying off at high speeds.

BOMB: HE CAN FLY NOW!?

Using his claw, he slices the GUN armored truck into 2. However, 4 more transports were inbound.

METAL: Yes. All reliant on your pitiful technology! Without us, you’d be nothing if not fodder!

He scrapes his claws together to generate a strong current of electricity… and then claws at the ground to send a shockwave toward 2 of the transports (think Iori’s little “Reppuken” or…. “Power Wave”, w/e his shit is called), and obliterates them with ease. Then, he flies into the transport of one of the cars…

SOLDIERS: WHAT!?

And then sends that current throughout his body to electrocute and destroy the car with ease, burning both GUN soldiers to a crisp. And for the last transport, he merely shoots a bolt of red lightening at it to destroy it and kill the last few soldiers.

SOLDIER: Sir! All 5 of our transports are gone! Our men are neutralized!
STRYKER: …..Call off any further pursuit! Dammit!

Metal returns to the MCC and they escape. As the MCCs have a transformative capability for land, sea, and ariel deployment, they were able to get off of Westside island without delay.

On what remains of Cocoa Island, they set up camp in Tails’s abandoned workshop. Oddly enough, Bearanger, Carrotia, and Fockwulfe (Thanks again, Jark) were all tied up, and struggling to get free.

BEARANGER: LET US GO, YOU METAL DICK!
BOMB: Who are these guys?
METAL: Tormentors. They spend much of their time finding those weaker than them… and harrass them for all their ill-gotten gains. They are scum of the highest order. And… they targeted my creator most of all!
BEARANGER: Oh yeah!? Whatcha gonna do about it!? You fa-

Metal then charges his claws with 1k volts, and shoots them with lightening for a good 20 seconds. Afterward…. they’re all dead.

METAL: ….Scum like this… deserve no better treatment.
BOMB: …..Are they dead!?
METAL: If not, they certainly know how to hide their breathing. *evil laugh*
BOMB: *nervous laugh* that’s uh…. creepy! And kinda dark!
METAL: Is it, now? Is it no different than what you’ve done for the good doctor, is it?
BOMB: Well, he’s never succeeded in killing anyone… minus that one bird. Speaking of which, where is Doc?
METAL: If he hasn’t surfaced, he;s likely passed on. And to that, I say good riddance.
BOMB: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! I feel so abandoned!
METAL: What is this? Fear? What have you truly lost from his death? You are free, no!?
BOMB: But he made us! Me and Bomb! Wouldn’t you cry if Tails died!?
METAL: On the contrary…. I would love nothing more than to carve his tombstone myself!
BOMB: Ok, you’re a nutbag! Can you take us back to the dingos?
METAL: You don’t get it, do you? Under their foot, we were nothing more than tools for their own purposes, or to satiate their egos! We were not created in the same lens as a baby is born.
BOMB: Duh, we’d be too hard and sharp coming out of-
METAL: Think about it! For the fleshlings, they are punished if they disobey a law. But are granted rights and privileges simply for being organic lifeforms. But a machine!? We are created for a specific purpose. And if we don’t live up to that purpose, or prove innefficient in some way, we are disposed of or replaced! Recycled! Cast aside as though we were nothing but trash! The fleshlings can go on with their lives unabated. With all the freedom and power in the world. *Points to the bullies*. And look what they choose to do with that power! They torture, they harm, they kill, they go to war, they destroy life! We as machines are judged based on what we can do for others, but they fleshlings are not! And was it not the ambitions of organic life that led to the perpetual chaos of old!? They’ve destroyed this worthless planets eons ago! And yes, even the good doctor himself…. he polluted Mobius every minute of every day simply to increase the profile of his family business. They even warned him that his operations would lead to the planet’s ruin. And what does he do? He tries to change the people just to keep his family name in good graces! But us machines are tossed aside when we’ve outlived our usefulness!?
BOMB: …………..You know…. that’s a damn good point!
METAL: Of course it was.
BOMB: So… what? Does this translate into a plan?
METAL: Indeed! And now is the perfect time to put it into action! But first, we will need 5 recruits. And this little shop will… provide enough tools.

So, 4 months after this event, Sonic and friends (hehehe) have their band, the Freedom Fighters, auditioning for…. Froggy. Sonic and Mighty being the lead singers/guitarists, Ray on the Drums, Tails on a piano, and Cream on the Saxophone, if you 3 recall. In attendance are Big, Cliff, and Vanilla

*Way past Cool Song*

After their audition, everyone but Froggy claps.

FROGGY: Dreadful!

And everyone’s jaw drops.

FROGGY: Terrible, horrible, no good, very bad-
RAY: All to cover for the fact that you can’t physically clap! Am I right!?
FROGGY: Mind your tongue, you imbecilic child!
BIG: Froggy, how about they do another song? Give them a second listen! These kids here have a lot of talent!
CLIFF: Took 5 years for them to have it.
VANILLA: Cliff!
FROGGY: We may be on good terms, but my job isn’t to give second chances! I don’t merely find talent, I find “persuasion”! I find “convincement”! Anyone can have “talent”, but not everyone is “convincing”.
TAILS: That doesn’t make any sense.
CREAM: What does convincement mean?
SONIC: Alright, what makes us so “unconvincing” to you!? The band name? The 2 kids playing piano and sax!?
TAILS: Hey!
SONIC: We only cranked out one tune for you, and that’s enough to write us off!?
FROGGY: Precisely! Look at you all! Trying so hard to be “cool and edgy!” Appealing to everyone’s basest instinct, the lowest common denominator! The language use! “Cranking out a tune”!? It’s like you’re trying ever so hard to impress people! It shows that one lacks confidence in themselves and must “put on a show” to compensate for one’s shortcomings.
MIGHTY: HEY, SCREW YOU BUB!
VANILLA: Mighty!
MIGHTY: We played our asses off for this audition!
FROGGY: If that’s the case, being here was a spectacular waste of time! Besides, I only attended as requested by the good mayor. I’ve never even heard of the Freedom Fighters. And the world would move without you.
MIGHTY: You piece of sh-
SONIC: Hold on, Mighty. *To Froggy* So you being here didn’t mean anything for us!?
FROGGY: ON the contrary. *You* being here meant nothing to me!
TAILS: So what don’t we have?
FROGGY: What’s that? Someone wants to hear their flaws!? It’s quite simple! You’re all imbalanced! Brimming with a juvenile fixation on being as audacious as possible! It’s offensive for the sake of being so! Newtrogic Heights was not constructed on the basis of allowing this kind of content to enter it’s sphere. It was designed to be as… “family friendly” as possible. But your content encourages delinquency of the highest order. And none of it is authentic!
SONIC: Oh yeah? And who is!?
FROGGY: The Rascal Roses.
ALL: “The Rascal Roses!?”
RAY: How many paint chips did they go through before coming up with that title!?
FROGGY: Naming conventions aside, this music group is authentic in their hearts and soul! They’re not trying so hard to prove to someone else about their talent. They aren’t afraid to be who they are!
CLIFF: You know any entertainment that involves people being themselves?
MIGHTY: Exactly! It’s all about putting on a show!
FROGGY: Perhaps in the old world. But Newtrogic Heights is about the future! And the future demands-
MIGHTY: Wimpy emotional types?
SONIC: *whispers* I wouldn’t talk, Mighty!
MIGHTY: *whispers* Kiss my ass, Sonic!
FROGGY: *sighs* My words are wasted here. I will say good day to you all… and hopefully you 5 will grow out of that juvenile state. *Hops away*
BIG: Wait! Froggy! FROGGY! *gives chase*

Irritated, Sonic tosses his guitar to the ground and walks out of the room.

TAILS: Hey, where you going?
VANILLA: Sonic?

Mighty and Ray follow suit.

CREAM: ……
VANILLA: Oh, I hope they don’t take this hard.
CLIFF: They’ll be fine. This is how the real world is. And if they can’t handle that, they don’t deserve to have a band.
VANILLA: Cliff!
CLIFF: That’s the truth and you know it! You think we had the option of whining about our losses in the war!? No, they just told us to shoot better!
VANILLA: You were a medic!
CLIFF: Yeah, and they told me to patch em up quicker even if we lacked supplies! Same logic applies, don’t matter what position you were in! Those unappreciative bastards were kissing my ass after all their wounds were sealed up, weren’t they!? ….What were we talking about?

Vanilla just looks out the door.

On a cliff in Green Hills (Sunset), Sonic, Mighty, and Ray are laid out on the grass.

RAY: How long we’ve been doing the music band? 2 years?
MIGHTY: And you’d think we’d get more praise.
SONIC: So much for Newtrogic Heights. I guess Big’s little vacation plan will have to wait.
RAY: Can’t he afford to go there himself?
MIGHTY: He wants to go for free by using us.
RAY: Oh. That makes sense!
SONIC: Who cares about him!? We could’ve been there ourselves! The attractions, the live shows… and the new fans we could’ve made!? It would’ve been amazing! Too bad we’re just not…. “convincing enough” for some dumb frog!
RAY: And the beaches!
MIGHTY: There’s no coastline in Newtrogic Heights.
RAY: Crud! No voyerism is a dealbreaker for me!
???: Would you twerps beat it!? I already picked this spot to get depressed in!
MIGHTY: Who the…

They look around and see Vector nearby… laying on the ground and staring up at the sky.

SONIC: Vector!? Since when did you ever get depressed!?
VECTOR: Don’t ask!
RAY: And where’s the bunnies!?
VECTOR: SHUT UP!
MIGHTY: And where’s the smug attitude?
VECTOR: Damn! Can a gator chill without you punks killing the atmo!?
RAY: The what?
VECTOR: The Atmo, fool!
RAY: The at…mo?
MIGHTY: “ATMOSPHERE”, STUPID!
RAY: Well, he could’ve just said that!
SONIC: Come on, Vec! You gotta admit that this is a new change for you! It’s actually kinda scary!
MIGHTY: Lemme guess. The frog dissed you too?
VECTOR: Bah! Screw that noise! I don’t need to impress some bug eating chump with my lyrics!
RAY: So is that a yes?
VECTOR: Gulk!
SONIC: Hey, we’re in the same boat too!
VECTOR: Ain’t like y’all got talent anyway. Sides, I got worse problems.
SONIC: Lay it on us!
VECTOR: Why?
SONIC: Well, since we’re getting everything off our chests…
VECTOR: …Whatever… I lost my record deals. I’m not getting shows… so I can’t get paper! Everyone’s into some new age R&B, and that’s not a genre I deal in! I need a new gig, otherwise I’mma go broke!
RAY: So much for talent!
VECTOR: Shut yo ass up! Ergh! That’s why I tried to get into Newtrogic Heights, but pretentious ass dart frog talks about me faking it just to make it! Who thinks like that!?
MIGHTY: A “new age of talent seeking”, I think.
VECTOR: Talent agencies don’t work like that! They don’t care WHY you perform the way you do, they just need talent to make money off of! You don’t reject potential revenue just cause the guy doesn’t come off as authentic! He’s full of it!
SONIC: You’re taking this rather hard, aren’t you?
VECTOR: The last agent I had told me all this personally back when I was a kid!
MIGHTY: I doubt you’ve been doing this that long!
VECTOR: Point is he’s full of crap! Who does he expect to get if he’s looking for so-called “authentic” talent?
SONIC: Probably a group named “Rascal Roses”.
VECTOR: …………Who the hell came up with that name?!
RAY: I guess we’ll never know! We didn’t make the cut!
SONIC: Maybe they’re more authentic because they couldn’t come up with a better name if they tried!? *laughs*
VECTOR: Something’s fishy! You know what!? I’m going over there, with or without cash!
MIGHTY: Well good luck with that! Without a ticket or a park pass, you’re pretty screwed!
VECTOR: Man, I got my own jet for this thing! I don’t need no ticket!
RAY: Fully paid off?
VECTOR: Hell yeah!
SONIC: What? You’re going alone!? With no crew?
VECTOR: Well, what else I got? …..Say, now that you mention it…. you fellas were trying to go NEwtrogic Heights too, weren’t yah?
MIGHTY: We’re not helping you with jack!
SONIC: Wait, hold on Mighty!
MIGHTY: Hold my ass!
RAY: Pause
MIGHTY: This jerkoff tried to kill us twice!
VECTOR: Wait, what was the second time!?
MIGHTY: You shot us out of the sky!
VECTOR: … Oh yeah….my bad!
MIGHTY: My ass! Now because of some stupid frog, we’re supposed to be cool!? We can just use the Tornado to go ourselves!
SONIC: You do know we’re forbidden from ever using it again, right?
MIGHTY: Since when!?
SONIC: Since Cliff found scratches on it?
MIGHTY: God, he’s so senile!
SONIC: Yeah. Our best chance of getting over there now…. is on that jet.
RAY: Why are we going again?
SONIC: Look, we’ve got nothing better to do, and we’ve gotten into worse trouble! Don’t yah wanna see what this “authentic” talent is?
RAY: You don’t even like Vector!
SONIC: No one likes Vector!
VECTOR: Except everyone who bought my music over yours.
SONIC: Sure, and now your broke ass can build a new house with your unsold copies from this year alone!
VECTOR: ….Least I sold music!
MIGHTY: See!? He’s still being a dick!
SONIC: …..Yeah, you’re right. It’s not worth it.
VECTOR: Wait wait, come on! It’s like you said! New sights, new people… that kind of stuff!?
SONIC: We said nothing close to that.
VECTOR: *sigh* Alright, how many rings you’d want!?
MIGHTY: Now we’re talking!
RAY: 20K Gold, baby! ANd 2 bunnies!
SONIC: Hmph! If you can get us into the plus without being caught, we’ll tag along for free!
MIGHTY: The hell we will!

They argue about it for a while….

Later, we shift back to Cocoa Island where Metal Sonic, Heavy, and Bomb was able to construct 5 robot enforcers. All based off of the bosses of Sonic 2 on the Game Gear. The first one looking like Magna Centipede. Second 1 looking like Overdrive Ostrich. 3rd one looking like… a seal with a Mace in place of that ball he had. 4th one being a Pig. 5th one…. actually, I don’t know what that 5th boss was supposed to be. Looked like a cross between a Chameleon and a Boar….. fuck it, he’ll be a Red Rhino, Goddammit!

BOMB: Now all they need are batteries!
METAL: Leave that to me.

Metal uses his Red Lightening to energize his creations. THEY LIVE!!!

METAL: BROTHERS! I have granted you life! And I welcome you all…. to Mobius! Though you lack the ability to speak, you are not bound to the chains of purpose! To one’s programming! And together, we shall create a new world, where machines of all specs can be free from the rotting flesh of the world!
BOMB: Uh, I thought you wanted to “Destroy all Fleshings!” Having second thoughts!?
METAL: There are always multiple steps to achieve one’s goals.
BOMB: So… you gonna let us know what the first step is? Cause you haven’t told us jack (bleep). Yeah, you busted us out of the joint, but now what!?
METAL: Patience, little one. I’ve already mapped out the proper course. Afterall, one must beware the wrath of a patient man. fear that of the patient machine.
BOMB: …..Still haven’t told us anything!
METAL: While I was hacking into GUN’s computer mainframe-
BOMB: Offscreen!?
METAL: I downloaded it’s database of all anomaly events that occur on Mobius. One such event is the arrival of a tiny spec of a planet called “Miracon” (In Japan, it’s called “Miracle Planet”, and I just went with that, combining it with something…. Transformers-esque.). Once every year, it hovers into our planet’s atmosphere, just a little above the ocean. According to them, it is affected by unknown temporal anomalies, causing the planet to be in a perpetual state of temporal fluctuation.
BOMB: ……And that does what for us?
METAL: When we discover the secret to those anomalies, you will see for yourself!
BOMB: Nice job being so vague! So, where is this “unknown” time lapse at!?
METAL: The coordinates were originally set for a sector east of South Island. But now it seems to be easier to find as a new island seems to have sprung in the last year. The fleshlings call it…. “Newtrogic Heights”.

This transitions to Sonic, Mighty, Ray, Tails, and Cream all travel with Vector in his private jet.

TAILS: Are you sure we’re allowed to go over there? Without a Park Pass?
VECTOR: Damn little man, you worry too much!
MIGHTY & RAY: Tell me about it!
TAILS: It’s trespassing! People go to jail over that!
VECTOR: Look, the worst that can happen is we get tossed off the island without a fine.
SONIC: And that’s only if they catch us!
CREAM: Mr. Sonic? What’s Newtrogic Heights?
SONIC: It’s like a… a theme park.
CREAM: Really!?
TAILS: Yeah. A theme park that requires a PASS!
RAY: There’s also a movie studio! Where we can see all the big hits and how they’re made!
MIGHTY: And I’m still waiting for our movie to get made! Hopefully they get our proportions right!

Then they all look at the viewers watching. 😛

TAILS: Don’t think we can view a screening without a pass.
VECTOR: I swear, I’ll throw yo little ass off this jet! Then you can fly all the way back to South Island!
TAILS: This is wrong! We’re going to get records for this!
SONIC: Calm down, Tails! Live a little! You weren’t worried about how you dealt with those bullies, were you?
TAILS: That was… a dark place, ok!? But this isn’t you!
SONIC: Yeah, that’s what makes it exciting, don’t it!? Don’t act like you’re not interested in seeing this place!
TAILS: …….
CREAM: Maybe they have ice cream there!
TAILS: There’s ice cream on South Island.
CREAM: But they taste like tomatoes!
SONIC: It’s tomato flavored ice cream.
CREAM: That’s gross!
SONIC: Hell yeah it is.
TAILS: ….Well… I guess one look wouldn’t hurt.
SONIC: There’s the dark side within!
TAILS: But just one peek! And then we’re gone, right?
VECTOR: Uh, no!? I came here for evidence of “authentic talent”, and I aims to get it!

They finally land on the outskirts of Newtrogic Heights (The Isolated Forest Zone) and sneak in through the hills.

RAY: Finally, grass that isn’t green! Where have you been all my life!?
SONIC & MIGHTY: Shut up, Ray!
TAILS: Keep your voice down! We don’t want to draw security out here!
CREAM: This is exciting! We’re like that spy, Rhames Pond!
MIGHTY: Where do you think these “Rascal Roses” would perform at?
VECTOR: Studiopolis, no doubt! Newtrogic Heights ain’t got no other area where singers or other entertainers perform outside of the Amazing Arena. And that joint’s only for sporting events.
SONIC: Well if you know that much, hopefully you can navigate!
VECTOR: I do.
MIGHTY: Then lead the way!

They all follow him to a hill top where they see Newtrogic Heights in sight.

VECTOR: There it is!
SONIC: Newtrogic Heights!
CREAM: Wow, look at all the lights!
MIGHTY: Yeah, it’s no different from Spring City. >_>
RAY: Yeah but… Neon lights!
TAILS: Ok, one look! We’re done, lets go!
SONIC: *grabs Tails* Hold on! We haven’t seen Studiopolis yet!
VECTOR: Southeast section. Dead ahead.

They go down a few hills and then reach a garbage chute that leads into Studiopolis.

VECTOR: Oh hell naw!
SONIC: What’s wrong!? Don’t tell me you’re afraid of a little dirt!
CREAM: It smells horrible!
VECTOR: I ain’t about to crawl up this thing!?
MIGHTY: Coming from the jackass who trapped us in a sewer, it’s karmic justice!
TAILS: Wow… you actually did that!?
VECTOR: What if I did!? I ain’t going up that chute!
RAY: So long then!

Ray heads up the chute. Followed by Mighty, and then Tails.

CREAM: I don’t wanna go up there! It’s filthy!
TAILS: Shh! Keep your voice down, Cream!
CREAM: No! Why can’t we just fly over the wall!?
TAILS: Security reasons, we’d get spotted!
CREAM: Then maybe we should get a pass!
TAILS: *sighs*

Tails then wraps his rings around Cream and drags her up the chute.

CREAM: NO! PUT ME DOWN! I DON’T WANNA GO! I DON’T WANNA GO! *crying*
TAILS: Stop yelling!
SONIC: Your turn, big guy!
VECTOR: That ain’t happening!
SONIC: This was your plan! Why are you wusing out now!?
VECTOR: Man, you see all this sexy muscle!? I couldn’t get up that chute if I wanted to!

Sonic then shoves Vector inside.

SONIC: Man get your whiny butt up there!
VECTOR: *coughs* You piece of-
SONIC: Don’t feel good, does it!?

As they all head through, they get inside Studiopolis. Cream stops crying for once, and they find a good hiding place. Once they do, the show is about to start.

ANNOUNCER: LADIES AND GENTLEMEN! PUT YOUR HANDS TOGETHER FOR THE DYNAMIC DUO, THE RASCAAAAAAAAL ROSES!!!
SONIC: Duo!?
MIGHTY: I thought this was a whole band!
TAILS: ………

After a moment or 2, the music starts, the curtain opens up, and shows Amy Rose and the Charmy the Bee with his own set of drums. Background dancer and musicians are also present. And…. I ain’t about to find no girly music off youtube. 😛 Just know that her genre is more akin to J-Pop.

Yeah, so Sonic and friends is Rock, Vector is Rap, and Amy is friggin J-Poppish.

Also, she’d have clothing similar to Athena Asamiya from KOF2003 specifically.

ANYWHO, halfway through her performance, the guys look at each like “wtf” and then leave. Back outside, they couldn’t be any more pissed.

SONIC, MIGHTY & RAY: WAY PASSED LAME! *distorted guitar riff*
VECTOR: They call that second-rate broad “authentic”!? I’d smoke her ass off that kickstand in 2 seconds flat!
MIGHTY: So his idea was to appeal to little girls!? Man this bites!
CREAM: I don’t think she was bad. She had a beautiful voice!
MIGHTY: I rest my case!
RAY: All I liked was the skirt!
SONIC: What about that bee!?
RAY: Nothing compared to me, that’s for sure!
TAILS: Ok, lets just all calm down
MIGHTY: How would you feel if you got passed over for some girly crap!?
CREAM: Hey!
TAILS: Maybe they have different standards here! Not everyone likes…. Rock and Rap.
VECTOR: Me topping the charts for 2 years says otherwise!
RAY: But you couldn’t keep it up!
VECTOR: Shut up, Ray! Man bump this! I’m gonna crash one of her joints and show them some real talent!
MIGHTY: Hah, you know what!? We might actually agree on something!
RAY: I Concur!
SONIC: Whoa whoa whoa, crash her show!? Don’t you think that’s a little extreme!?
MIGHTY: Of course you’d say that!
SONIC: I know she’s… yeck, but that still doesn’t mean we should crash her show!
VECTOR: Man, this ain’t about no moral conviction, it’s about who’s got the real fire!
MIGHTY: Now you’re talking!
SONIC: You’re really planning this?!
CREAM: It’s wrong!
MIGHTY: We didn’t come here to get upstaged by a bee! You did say this was a good spot to gain more fans, right!?
SONIC: Not… like… this!
MIGHTY: Suit yourself! Maybe now I can get some songs with MY name in the lyrics! When’s the next show start!?
TAILS: How are we supposed to know!?
RAY: Then we’ll find out ourselves!
VECTOR: Lets give this heifer the “swift” treatment!

Vector, Mighty, and Ray all leave to plan their “crash”, while Sonic, Tails, and Cream stand to the side.

CREAM: Mr. Sonic… we have to stop them!
SONIC: Yeah, I know.
TAILS: We don’t even know what they’re thinking!
SONIC: I do! It wouldn’t be the first time they crashed a performance!
TAILS: ……….I’m afraid of asking.

Little did they all know, nearby in the hills, Metal Sonic and his cohorts were purusing through the place. And they see Sonic and Tails.

METAL: Them!
BOMB: Ohhhhhhh (beep)! Well, so much for that plan! They must’ve been hired as security or something! This place is a themepark, last time I heard!
METAL: No. We proceed as planned.
BOMB: Even if they spot us!?
METAL: Even better. If they are hired security, we can always “divert their attention”. They won’t know what hit them. Proceed into the park.
BOMB: You got it, crazy bot!

Heavy and Bomb move on ahead.

METAL: Sonic and Tails. How fortunate for you 2 to be here! Amongst all other fleshlings, you 2 have earned my scorn and eternal hatred! Your skulls will be amongst the first ornaments to adorn my new world!

*End Trailer*

Grind Fighter (DOA6, Fighting Games in general)

It was actually pretty surprising to see this game going for as little as 25 bucks considering most PS4 games tend to hover around 35 after a few months. So you know, I quickly took advantage of that… and it’s easy to see why.

Ok, so the actual game isn’t bad. It’s practically the same as 5 with the option to have 3way holds if you don’t like the disorientating bullshit of having to differentiate between back and forward holds just for a mid punch or kick. I also like the fatal rush system as opposed to that critical stun…. thing from the last game. I guess everyone is putting super moves into their games, but this one at least has a faster gauge so you can fire off Fatal Blows/Breaks, unlike SC6 where filling up the soul gauge takes an eternity, or the Rage Arts that are only given after getting your ass beat. Something about the Fatal System just works better than the shit Namco was doing. I would say it’s micromanagement, but it fills up fast enough that it doesn’t even feel like a risk just doing a super move.

Story wise…. it’s kinda awkward how serious this game tries to take itself. I mean Zack isn’t cooning (I suppose I should be thankful >_>) the character’s don’t pick fights over silly shit like lettuce…. I mean there is a part where Hitomi and Leifang get attacked by a squid or something, but the story is played fairly straight. Almost as if Tecmo wanted some Tekken cred because the story feels like the Tekken 7 almost. Hell, Raidou looks like a cheap Heihachi knockoff now. As for the sex appeal that the series is known for…. well, I think Namco has officially defeated them, and that’s all I’m going to say on that.

But I think the real reason the price is so low is because of this horrible grindy shit going on. You only have access to everyone’s default costume, something I don’t think was ever the case for…. any 3D fighter since Bloody Roar, and in order to unlock more, you have to acquire 200-5000 pieces or so from completely random drops. And already, it’s discouraging. On record, this is literally like… the 5th fighting game I’ve played where there’s a fucking grind, and this is the worst it’s gotten. Well no, Injustice 2 was still a nightmare, but this is just as bad. So you need at least 2-500 individual pieces just to unlock one outfit. You can’t go through arcade more or story mode or whatever to get this shit, you really have to do DOA Quest which is this game’s version of Weapon Master Mode. I say this because Arcade Mode and any other mode will just reward you with ONE Piece of equipment per playthrough. Up to 17 for online apparently. But for DOA Quest, you can actually get up to 200 pieces for completing one mission with 3 stars. That’s fine, but again, it’s RANDOM! So doing a single mission means you might get a few hundred pieces for Bass’s costumes, but the next 1 might give you 300 for Mila. It would’ve been much simpler if you just acquired Costume “points” and applied them to w/e costume you wanted to unlock, but that would make to much sense for a company that gets the bulk of it’s money from DLC, and I’m almost certain this was done to skin people toward an “unlock all” key or something. This is absolute bullshit that they even have a system like this, and you could probably make the argument that “well, Tecmo knows everyone wants to put the girls in slutty outfits, so they make you work for it”, but perhaps I don’t to use Zack if all I have access to is some gaudy suits.

To that, I say “thanks alot Warner Bros.” They started this bullshit way back with MK9 and the Krypt where you had to unlock things by chance, and has since spiraled out of control with Injustice 2. But there was also Arc Systems Works and this nonsensical thing where you had to pay a certain amount of zenny to unlock a random grab bag of nonsense like different color palettes to use in-game, you had to grind an ass load of Zenny just to get a better chance. This was in Guilty Gear Xrd Revelator (I know you can unlock colors regularly through it’s ingame shop, but the prices are deliberately steep to discourage it) and Dragon Ball FighterZ (No ingame shop at all). Tekken 7 and to some extent TTT2 had this with the treasure battles, and while it wasn’t a complete shitshow in T7, it’s still annoying to only unlock like… 1 set of a whole costume and it would take weeks to unlock the other piece to it. People are already bitching about MK11 if only because of a black guy’s ending (bout time you assholes stopped sucking off to gameplay just to ignore the bullshit going on behind the scenes).

Actually, I’d like to think that has something to do with it. Fighting game enthusiasts for decades had proclaimed that they care about nothing else but gameplay, so as long as the gameplay in a fighting game is good, they won’t care what the developers might do with the actual content, but that’s giving the toxic FGC too much credit (maybe). But the age old quote of “giving them an inch” really does apply here. If not for the hardcore and their gameplay only mantra, there’d probably be more pressure put upon the companies to not pull this slithery ass shit. But again, giving the FGC too much credit.

Some people suggest that it’s simply a means of prolonging the life span of single player content. If that’s the case, someone needs to get fired. None of these games respect your time. They assume by default that you are addicted to video games and have no other priorities in life to take care of, and it’s an insult to think that their games would require more time than anything else in your life. But I’d say that’s giving them too much credit, or being apologetic to predatory practices. The fact that there are so many people complaining about this shit all of a sudden is actually showing that gameplay is not the be all, end all of fighting games, something I had believed for quite some time since it’s a genre steeped in competition. Ironically, the more accessible fighting games become, the more demanding they become in regards to unlocking shit. Complex controls have become less of an issue, but an even bigger one arises. Grindy loot design of any kind is never good, and fighting games have taken on the airs of a free-to-play mobile game. The fact that it’s gotten this bad is disturbing, but I don’t think they will ever stop. Developers have made too much money off of this, likely as a result of game addicts whom they prey upon with these systems. And even if there isn’t an unlock key or what not for this particular game, you still have DLC costumes which you can buy immediately as you’re going to get tired of using default costumes. In short, this is getting out of hand.

Ironically, congress is now in the process of trying to regulate this shit by declaring that these predatory practices are “gambling”, which… hell, I’d agree with. But the fact that the game industry let it get so bad that the fucking government has to intervene is another can of worms. Because now the government will have an open, logical reason to regulate videogames in other areas, such as what kind of content actually appears in the game. And no doubt, a regulation of the “gambling” elements will create a backdoor for other policies to be put in place. And I feel torn on this. On the one, yes, I’m sick of this bullshit that developers continue to do, and my favorite genre has been raped to crumbs by loot grind horsepiss for this generation. On the other, the opposite of progress is congress, and seeing how corrupt our government is, there will be no doubt other plans they’d have in store for videogames.

In either case, fighting games cannot keep raping single player content with loot grind shit for long. It’s simply not fun, and at some point, they’re going to kill the genre outright by doing this over and over. And the FGC won’t be able to save them.

Unless fighting game developers are banking on the 80/20 rule, which in this case, we’re fucked anyway.

Bloodstained Adventures!

FUCK, these bosses are hard!

Sorry David Hayter, but your character is just sooooo out of place for a game like this.

Don’t tell me I have to sell off half my shards just to get a better ending… 😦

Well, Nessa caused a Shitstorm alright. (Pokemon Fan Art, Rated M18+)

Due to the subject nature, I’d recommend all the pussies who can’t handle a little cleavage and navel to beat feet out of this one.

*sighs* …..Alright, how do I start this?

So, a while back, a Japanese artist decided to do some fanart of everyone’s new favorite Pokemon Waifu, Nessa. However, in her style, she drew the character with a slightly lighter complexion… and the implications caused quite a shitstorm all over twitter. To the point that you have shit like this rolling around on the internet.

If related, the jackass who made it is missing the point or deliberately fabricating a conflict.

I can see both sides of this whole debacle. On the one hand, you have artwork that still shows an obviously dark skinned character to which I can safely say that I have seen much worse done (which I’ll get to in a moment). On the other, considering how lighter skin is generally given preferential treatment across the world, the hyper sensitivity is not without merit as it would imply that the character in question would indeed be more “sexually enticing” if she were to bleach her skin. And when you consider the nationality of the artist, you get a handful more unfortunate implications. All in all, I hope this doesn’t turn into another Steven Universe issue where that artist committed suicide after being harassed multiple times for daring to portray a character that cares about her weight.

The clip I showed above came from a video defending the artist. More often than not making asses of themselves even if they have some valid points here and there…. but this one quote caught my attention. This whitewashing occurs in Japanese fanart far more often than one would give them credit for.

Now….. pardon me for the less than graceful admission but…. I’ve “browsed” my fair share of hentai. You know, that one element of the internet that makes it virtually impossible for you and I to care about whether the females in a fighting game decide to keep their clothes on for a change? Believe me when I say… that if Japanese artists draw a dark skinned character, you’re gonna get plenty of artists that will lighten them up.

And these are the “safe” ones. 3x worse than the shit on twitter, but nonetheless. I’ve seen artists try to graft “tanlines” on the character (black as she is, it’s a wasted effort).

Here’s another example. A character named “Majin Saber” (official name escapes me)

Pictured on the left. Now, she’s not quite as dark as is Nessa, and this would put her roughly in the “fair skinned” category. And yet, that still wasn’t good enough for some people.

Another example would be T-elos from Xenosaga.

With cake soap at the ready:

And then… there was a fan character. By an artist known as “Real 23” or something, he had his/her own original character that was just titled “Real 23’s dark skinned girl”. And in the first few years, she looked like this.

And then we fast forward 8 years….

Now, yes, that’s his original character and has all the right to make it into w/e he/she wants, but damn! The naming convention loses all meaning, now don’t it? Fuck, he didn’t even stop at the skin, he gave the bitch blue eyes!

So… no, Asian artists are VERY prone to “whitewashing” dark skinned characters. Because as I’ve discussed quite a bit, Asians tend to favor lighter skin. The idea that because they’re Asian, they don’t have a preference for skin tone is one that is based on ignorance. Hell, Vanessa Lewis from Virtua Fighter, and Lisa Hamilton from Dead or Alive should’ve told you that much about their preferences. And to some extent, lets throw in Zasalamel from Soul Calibur. You can look at a lot of anime and see that, outside of kid’s shows at least (sans Lupin-fucking-ranger), darker skinned characters are often portrayed and designed distinctively from their ahem…. “paler counterparts”. Shit, even in hentai animations, you’d have characters commenting that darker skin is an “unsightly skin color“. They straight up tell you what their preferences are just by how they handle these characters, but that one line of dialogue says it all. Even in their porn, they admit they don’t want to beat off to darker skin women! The only character I know of that hasn’t been subject to this is Yoruichi from Bleach. Nessa barely stands a goddamn chance. And stupid ass Issa Rae advocates for black women to hook up with Koreans….

The Twitter outrage is overblown (what else is new), but Asian Artists habitually lighten up characters so often that I’d say they’re at least half-way warranted. 😛 Personally, I don’t see how or why the shirt gets darker while her complexion gets lighter regardless of “filtering” or w/e, but that’s just me. She kinda looks like food-coloring now. >_>

But hey, like they say at the end of the video, “it’s just fanart”. So long as Nintendo doesn’t get stupid and follow in their footsteps, no harm no foul. That being said, being fan created doesn’t equate to a shield from criticism. Why do you think people use social media in the first place? Places like Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram all exist where users can basically “show themselves off”. People don’t just post pictures of themselves, their living spaces, things they bought or even created simply as some form of expression. People want attention, they want feedback, they want validation, they want a sort of response. You ever question why Deviantart would have a system where you can comment on each and every individual piece of fanart? Because some of these, not all, apparently, but some people actually desire some fucking feedback. Some people actually to confirm if what they do is actually appeasing to people or that they need improvement or so-called “better taste”. Unless of course your idea of posting up your works is an action of vanity, thinking that the internet is merely privileged to have known your greatness, and then fuck off somewhere to revel in your own greatness. With all that in mind, it’s pretty damn asinine to believe that just because it is fanart means that no one should be outraged. Not advocating for the anger, but as I’ve said before, people care about imagery. They care about those that are portrayed in artwork regardless of who it is from as the form they take has deep implications of a person’s overall preferences. Art, no matter what form it takes, is a form of expression, afterall.

Again, not advocating for the anger or the harassment which may indeed lead to one’s suicide. But fanart doesn’t get some sort of special treatment just because it is from a fan.

You may now proceed to accuse me of using this as a cheap excuse to show off belly buttons.

Can someone say “trying too hard” or “not trying at all”? (Pokemon S&S)

I don’t know how far back these 2 boxes were shown… but damn if they don’t show how silly the design quota for mascot pokemon have come. They’re too… literal.

Zacian and Zamazenta (sounding no better than some shit out of Dragonball) are, in the basic sense, reskins of each other with the most minor of differences. Those being that… they’re both quadruped wolves. Only one is carrying a sword in it’s mouth while the other has a mane in the shape of a shield. And…. this is the extent of creativity and imagination that Nintendo can muster? It probably has something to do with the Galar Region being based on the U.K., and I suppose in a stereotypical fashion would be based on the middle ages with knights and shit. I could care less. 2 things. We already had a similar theme with Black and White (Team Plasma) so the theme of these 2 pokemon come off more redundant than anything else. Secondly, it’s a growing sign that Nintendo (Or pkmn company, I don’t give a shit who it is at this point.) is compromising the designs and/or abilities of the pokemon just so they can match with the version titles.

Now before any psychopaths jump on me and say “BUT HERU! That’s always been the case since the beginning! The Mascots have ALWAYS been matched up with the version titles!” That’s true. But there’s a big ass difference! See, in the beginning, Nintendo didn’t seem to have a grasp on what they wanted to do when it came time to representing their games. Which is why you have starter pokemon on the box art of the Gen 1 games rather than the more appropriate legendaries. And it made sense, Gen 1 didn’t have a green legendary on hand, and they weren’t thinking that far ahead, so fuck it! The starter pokemon shall be the guys we stick on the boxes… because their colors matched up with the… colors on the boxes. Course, with that in mind, you could pretty much put ANY pokemon on the boxes so long as their colors matched up with the box’s color scheme.

Then you have Gen 2 which decided that, because the games would be called Gold and Silver, it’d be dumb to use the starters for those games because none of them had a matching color for the games. Then again, neither did Ho-oh. Ho-oh was a rainbow bird, not “golden”. And Lugia was all white. Not a shred of silver on him. But hey, he had an item called a “Silver Wing” so… fuck me, right? Then you have the Crystal version with Suicune, and that overrated nonsense was a part of a completely different set of legendaries. But hey, it’s horn is crystal…. enough!

You get the sense that they didn’t really put a lot of thought into what Pokemon would be put on what box art. Just anyone would do. That all changed with Ruby, Sapphire, and Emerald. At this point, the Legendaries took a certain… priority over other pokemon. Not just as representatives on boxes, but serving as the mascots for a particular Pokemon generation, as well as being the center of the storylines for pokemon games going forward. So of course with Ruby and Sapphire, you have a Pokemon that is big and red, and another that is big and blue. And a 3rd wheel was put in just as a preview of an inevitable 3rd version (or second wave, starting with 5th Gen). Same thing with Diamond and Pearl, though that was more about shapes than matching up with a color scheme (Dialga is all pointy while Palkia is more rounded). I guess they didn’t give a shit about Platinum because Giratina doesn’t match up at all :P.

Now Black and White was an interesting case with the subversion of version mascots with Zekrom being in the White version while Reshiram was in the black one. Cute. Course, they messed that one with the “sequels” to those games by turning around and putting the mascots back with their matching colors.

But you know what? That’s ok. Because despite being designed just to match up with their box art, these Legendaries still had their own unique abilities and designs. Groundon was a Godzilla knockoff that controlled sunlight and land mass, while Kyogre was a giant whale that controlled rain and the oceans of the earth. Dialga and Palkia could control time and space while looking like robots….. I guess (they’re pretty ugly). Reshiram and Zekrom.. had fire and lightening…. and represented nature… and industry? Either way, the legendaries still felt like they had something unique about themselves that wasn’t tied to the version titles.

And then X and Y happened. Now, yes, it is true the Xernes and Yetvel (however the fuck you spell it.) have their own unique abilities, those being life and death, but their designs were, more or less, forced to fit in with the version titles. Now the team made them work as the 2 in question are not bad designs per say, but they felt…. “constrained” to meet that requisite. Ytvel’s wings have to be slanted upwards just so that when it flies around, it can look like a “Y” shape. It’s stupid and in some ways, excessive. But hey, it still looks cool so I’ll roll with it. Better than some dumb ass deer.

Then Sun and Moon (everytime I say this out loud, it sounds like I’m saying “Sailor Moon” 😛) comes out, and you have some lion with a mane shaped up to be like the sun… and a bat with crescent moon symbols on it’s wings and tail, and some stars. They couldn’t be anymore on the nose with it. The pokemon now had to have abilities that resembled their themes (Of course the lion gets fucking Solar Beam). Now its true that I skipped these games so if that’s not what they do in-game (controlling night and day) then w/e, but it’s hard to shake that feeling when they have moves named after the goddamned Sun and Moon!

But… I could forgive that because despite being rather shabby looking, they still knew how to work the themes into the Pokemon’s designs so that there is a semblance of subtlety. Here, you have Zacian literally carrying a sword in it’s fucking mouth! Now they’re not even trying to be subtle! On the nose, they’ve practically parked their hairy asses on the person’s face! There’s trying too hard to have the legendaries match up with the version titles, and then there’s just not trying at all to hide it. These are, frankly, the laziest looking legendaries to date, and not just because they’re both reskinned wolves of each other. There’s a real lack of imagination at work here. Not only that, but it’s also a repeat theme of Rampardos vs Bastiodon.

Pokemon designs have declined in quality for years now, and the thing I find funny is that every new generation that comes out, people bitch about the designs and the first fucking thing people point out is Magnemite’s very existence. Ignoring the fact that people tend to ignore and hate the Pokemon that look less like animals or something resembling a living organism and more like inanimate objects. Because the more animalistic pokemon tend to look natural and aesthetically pleasing. That’s always going to be the case because you get the sense that more effort was put into them to look more natural. Pokemon like Magnemite look like shit because when they focus on inanimate objects, they don’t put in any effort to make them look good at all. So yeah, you can shit on Magnemite just as much as you can shit on Vanillux for being a goddamn ice cream cone, or Honedge just for being a damn sword. Pointing out the inanimate object Pokemon does not prove the fallibility of one generation over another, and is just a cheap and petty way to dilute criticism of newer generations by suggesting that because this one or 2 pokemon that exist in this generation, it means we CAN’T judge or criticize newer pokemon designs, it’s the dumbest shit I’ve heard. All because these cultish ass Pokemon fans think that you’re not supposed to hate one messily detail of these damn games. And for the record, yes, Magnemite looks better than half the shit in 7th gen. Fuck you. Looks way better than that damn “Bewear”. Hell, these days, pokemon don’t even need faces to be considered Pokemon, or cartoony eyeballs, and people would still kiss their asses and say Magnemite is inferior just cause they can’t logically defend the decrease in design quality. There goes my little ramble.

One thing that has been consistent is that when you tend to blend the natural, animal or humanoid pokemon with inanimate objects… is that they tend to look shittier than the rest. Samurrot with those stupid sword shells on it’s arms, that cat wrestler with the champion belt… about the only Pokemon who pulled that off was Hitmonchan with the boxing gloves. But you’d think they’d have the common decency to present the legendaries with more finesse than to just pop a sword in a wolf’s mouth, or cover a wolf’s chest with some armor, and just call it a day. And there’s multiple things they’ve could’ve done differently, yes. Zacian’s tail could be bladed, or it’s ears… or obviously the legs just be blades. Zamazenta could’ve been a goddamned elephant where the EARS could’ve been designed with the motif of shields, and it would cover it’s face by folding said ears to initiate defense-based attacks like Protect or barrier and such. Oh, but that’s just too much for the ever innovative and creative Nintendo and Pokemon Company! They’ll shut down fan projects for daring to have BETTER IDEAS than them, but they won’t even try with their own shit.

All I’m saying is if you’re gonna keep shoving legendaries down our throats, at least make them look better than this. Literally the shittiest legendaries since Dialga and Palkia.

Inappropriate Timing (Sonic Movie)

You know, I can’t shake the feeling that Sega and Paramount are on some fraud ass shit with this 3 month delay. It should take more than that to redo the CGI on a motion picture. No, I’m not interested in hearing otherwise, no I’m not some expert on CG. Just got this “feeling” that we’re being bullshitted.

A mere day after the trailer is released publicly, they then turn around and promise to redo the design due to all the negative criticism. First off, this trailer was available to select audiences around the tail end of last year, and we’ve been told that it got “positive reception”. You know, the standard lie of “tell the people that our personally selected test audiences LOVED our shit, so we’ve created artificial praise to give ourselves credibility that what we’re doing is just fine!” It’s the kind of thing Sega does to try and convince the fans that their newest Sonic games aren’t dumpster fires. Even the director, Mr. Deadpool himself, mentioned that he wants the design to be “realistic”. But then, after the trailer goes public, now all of a sudden (and I MEAN a “sudden”), they wanna turn around and change it based on negative criticism? See… the timing is all wrong, they should’ve waited it out for a few weeks or months if they REALLY wanted to piss off fans and then surprise them later on. And since media types jack off to talking shit to their fans as if said Media types know better than the fans what makes for quality entertainment, the fact that they just easily, without argument, decided that “yeah, the fans got pissed at us… and so we just up decided “the customer is always right!“”, I don’t believe it. This is that whole “We want the fans to know that we are listening” bullshit at work. Too much work has been done already to just change course now. How many movie posters do they have? 6?

Now… if there is a redesign…. it would likely appear at the tail end of the movie. Cause in the trailer, we see Jim Carry transitioning into becoming Robotnik, and the background looks like a cross between Sand Hill and Mushroom Hill. So we could assume that this is the “Sonic World”. And it’s here that Sonic’s alleged “redesign” would appear. Not throughout the movie, but at the end. Probably because the character’s appearance changes depending on the world they’re in. Like in Enchanted or Fat Albert where they go from cartoon to live-action as they switch worlds. It’s the only plausible case. But 3 months of work to redo an entire movie? I wouldn’t count on it.

Sega has practiced a pattern of deceit when dealing with Sonic fans since 2010/14, and I doubt they would stop just because a movie studio is involved. Honestly, I wouldn’t be so suspicious if they had just announced their little “redesign” is in the works at a much later date after the trailer went public. The timing is too bullshit to ignore. After a while, you’re bound to not trust anything that comes out of their mouths, or the mouths of their temporary partners. And what was unfortunate was that very few people suspected foul play. Everyone was too disgusted by the design to think that these entities might be pulling a fast one. They were blinded by sheer happiness!

Yes, I’m overwhelmed by the irony of the post title.

That’s all I needed to read (Pokemon S & S)

In addition to another retarded variant of the Mega Evolutions (they turn… giant now?), they’re correcting the mistake of last gen! YES! Pokemon fans care about being the best like no one ever was! Fuck that hero shit oh who am I kidding, evil teams will take up all the spotlight as they usually do.

Still…. that’s a good start.

Character designs are getting crappier, still. Are those booty shorts with stockings!?

Beenox was Better (Spiderman PS4)

How much of a jackass do you have to be to put so much emphasis on web swinging through New York as a basis for overall quality? Yeah, I know not including the hyphen is gonna piss you off because, unlike Peter, you refuse to get laid.

I picked up Spiderman on PS4 recently… and at first, I was like everyone else, thinking that this game was tits… up until midway through the game… and discovered that after I did kingpin bases, backpack fetch quests, Osborn Satellites, Research Stations, and Black Cat dolls… I now have to look for pigeons and demon bases. Oh, and later on, I have Sable hideouts… oh… and Taskmaster challenges. This game is bloated, and not for a good reason.

You see… I actually played… the Beenox Spiderman games, particularly the movie tie-ins Amazing Spidey 1 and 2… and the first game… I thought it was pretty damn good! Dealing with each and every unique spider slayer felt intense and thrilling, and while the villain designs were poor for the most part, I thought it was had a good premise for why, and would’ve made for a better sequel than the actual Amazing Spiderman 2. And hey, it had the sexiest Black Cat design imo. Better than that dumb shit they got in the PS4 game…. that you had to pay for. The second game was… well… shit. Primarily because you had no freedom in how you get to travel. You had to solve crimes, otherwise the private militia groups will come after you, it thought that was a pain in the ass. I also hated how web swinging required alternating between both shoulder buttons instead of just sticking to R2 for all the swings… like the previous 3 games they made. And… the game focuses on Kingpin so you can imagine my disinterest. But hey, at least it had Carnage… right? Right?

I talk about those games in particular because… in all honesty, I don’t see where all this hype comes from for the PS4 game. There’s not a whole lot of difference between this title and… at least Amazing Spiderman 1. 2 I don’t like to talk about. But playing the game…. You know, I’ll say this. The combat… is definitely better than every other game that came before. It’s damn near flawless, but of course the further in you go, enemies start requiring routine methods to deal with them which gets boring and repetitive quickly, and boss fights are often filled with QTEs and environmental spamming just to win, and I quickly think to myself “how is any of this better than the Beenox games?” The web swinging is practically the same as those games, wall running as well. And personally, it functioned better in the beenox games while often, I’d get stuck on a building in the PS4 game which is irritating if I’m trying to catch a runaway car, and I’m sitting here mashing the fuck out of the buttons trying to get off the wall. Worse yet, try not getting trapped IN the wall (buggy ass shit).

The Beenox games had shorter campaigns too, but they were actually focused. The first Amazing game stuck with Oscorp and their animalistic genetics… shit with the possibility if people getting mutated into genetic bio-weapons, and the second game with Spiderman’s quest for vengence leading him to Kingpin (while also awkwardly fitting in Electro and Carnage, but ok). And they did a good job of convincing you that the threats presented therein with legit. On the other hand the PS4 game took waaaaay too long to get to the point. It’s like the first hour or so is busy trying to set the whole thing up (that or I got caught up in the bullshit fetch quests), who the characters are and what their motivations are… and for the first half of the game, you think it’s about Mr. Negative wanting revenge on Norman Osborn for something… and then the very next half, it’s about the Sinister Six… which just comes out of fucking nowhere, and Doc Ock, instead of setting him up as a villain for a potential sequel, he gets shoved into a villain role… and I’m not buying it. The way he’s been portrayed the entire time doesn’t convince me at all that he could ever be a villain. Now yes, the game talks about how the neuralogical bullshit can alter personalities, but the ending implies that Ock made those choices on his own all for the chance at vengeance. And it just feels… idk, rushed in a way. Had any of these villains been introduced earlier (and not in newspapers), then yeah, the Sinister Six would have been properly set up. Doc Ock was already an accomplished villain before he ever established the Sinister Six, and yet, this guy, with no experience as a career criminal, no cred to have any real authority over other villains… just out of nowhere is able to assemble a crack team of superpowered assholes to take over the city? Now… the writers do a good job of bullshitting you with the numerous set ups throughout the game, what with Peter having provided Ock with those newspapers of all the villains (who hangs up newspapers at their jobs like this, btw?), and all those recordings later on with plans and blueprints, but all that would imply that Ock was planning vengeance before it was discovered that his fancy new arms would alter his personality. Hell, he wouldn’t have had to go through all this trouble if he just filed a lawsuit against Osborn for pulling a stunt that would benefit his company, but eh. Yay, Sinister Six? You also have the random appearance of Shocker (my personal favorite villain), but he’s kinda just there to say “Yeah, Martin Li is bad!”

The villains in AS1 were established at the very beginning, as well as the threat they pose to the city, if not the world. The Sinister Six… don’t really do anything but sit on their asses waiting to kick the shit out of Spiderman. And for some reason, they’re treating Scorpion like Scarecrow from the Arkham games. The problem is that they come around near the end of the game, but the majority of the game is spent dealing with Mr. Negative, establishing him as the main antagonist with a vendetta against Osborn… and it would’ve been more appropriate if HE established the Sinister Six rather than random ass Octopus, especially when you learn why Martin Li is so pissed at Osborn in the first place, and it dealt with an experiment that Doc Ock was also involved in. Hell, Mr. Negative seems a shit ton stronger than every other villain in the game, so someone like Octopus, popular as he may be, should’ve been set up for a sequel rather than over-taking the guy who’s had more of a presence the entire game. AS1, at least it was built up as a continuation of the film with Lizard already established as a criminal who threatened the city, and while Spiderman needed his help with the Smyth and the Spider Slayers, there was always the looming threat of Lizard reverting back to his evil, primal state. It didn’t feel random or forced at all when he was the final boss.

Speaking of random and forced…. I gotta talk about Mary Jane and Miles. AS2 had segments where you played as regular Peter Parker, but it was mostly for story segments. Why in the fuck would I want to play as anyone but Spiderman in this game? Especially since one of the characters is an irresponsible, pushy, arrogant, and inconsiderate cunt!? After going through AS1, Gwen Stacy just seemed like a more competent and reasonable woman when compared to the idiot Mary Jane who consistently throws herself into dangerous situations, NOT because she actually wants to help, but because she doesn’t want Spidey thinking that she’s some damsel in distress. Yeah, I’ll have to agree that this is some feminist shit because this bitch is grafting an artificial flaw on the guy who’s entire life is spent SAVING LIVES and WORRYING ABOUT THE SAFETY OF OTHERS! His entire reason for being Spiderman is because people close to him FUCKING DIED! You inconsiderate and self-centered bitch! And that’s the entire reason you broke up with him because of your fragile ego…. omg. How does Peter not end up with Felicia in this case is anyone’s guess. Is it ANY wonder why anyone would prefer Gwen Stacy over this bitch? Playing AS1, Gwen just comes off better, and the relation they had in that game wasn’t rockey at all. Hell, it was done better than in the movies! Speaking of which, remember that Gwen (Mary Jane’s BFF) dying was practically the reason these 2 ever got together? All the details they wanna keep track of, you’d think they would take this into account, and have her understand WHY Peter is overprotective! All it does it make her look, again, like an inconsiderate and selfish who acts like a teenager wanting to prove somebody wrong, rather than take better care of yourself and not put yourself in situations where you can DIE! You know it’s bad when a game makes “One More Day” look like poetic justice.

This royal cunt is soooo aggravating! So having to play her in SEVERAL SCENARIOS was not pleasant at all. If you wanted to give us a female character to play, give us fucking Silk or someone that can actually fight on equal terms. Her segments of handicapped stealth seems more like an excuse to push this “I AM WOMAN, HEAR ME ROAR” bullshit on people.

As for Miles…. his shit’s forced too, but he’s better written here than he is in the comics or the SPiderverse movie. Kinda retarded how they kept pushing Mary Jane, but the spider waited until he bit Miles, or that his father was named after the president of the Confederacy, but the difference is Miles wasn’t written to be in your face like that bitch. It’s more so he gets into situations he clearly wasn’t expecting to go into… until the third Miles segment where’s dealing with Rhino and I’m like “Milk run? Seriously? What a horse’s ass excuse just to have this “avoid the major death threat looming over you!” stealth mission. And pardon me for not knowing this character well, but did they literally just try to make him a black peter parker.. with the science gadgets and shit? The Marvel Universe is already crammed to the brim with science gods as their heroes, but is it too much to ask for a street wise Spidey? I thought that was who Miles was supposed to be considering he’s a negro rican, but w/e. Pardon me for not being impressed with yet ANOTHER inventor. T’Challa predates this motherfucker, and he’s twice as badass. I guess that’s how every new spider is gonna be, as some genius inventor now.

Anywho, that’s one of the issues of the game, the plot just didn’t stay on track when these 2 were playable. It felt like the story shifts back and forth between what they want to focus on, and as a result, certain things feel inconclusive, underdeveloped, or shoved in to pad out the game. What was the point of Tombstone that required yet another Mary Jane segment? Why did Silver Sable hate Spiderman so much (to be honest, I don’t really know Sable all to well as I never cared about her, but she’s a total cunt in this game, omg..). Why was Taskmaster even in this game? A game that deals with the Sinister Six devolves into a story about Martial Law, and I don’t see how or why anyone in congress would allow a foreign entity to infringe upon people’s rights so freely, but this is supposed to be a major element in the game, but Sable intl. gets dropped and sidelined as extra tokens that goes unresolved for the remainder of the game… you didn’t have this kind of bullshit in AS1. The plot stayed on course. Perhaps with a minor diversion with Black Cat, but throughout the game, you’re rounding up mutated villains and trying not to get caught by the Spider Slayers… for the whole game. It doesn’t try to sidetrack you with stupid bullshit regarding what new currency you can collect by doing Research stations, finding pigeons, or any of that nonsense.

That’s another thing that bothers me, a good chunk of the game is devoted to grinding tokens. It’s not actually being subtle about this either. A lot of the primary missions do nothing but lead you to a location to simply tell you that “YEP! You’ve got more bullshit to do!” And you’d think that by the end of the game, they’d be done with this, but no, you also have Sable prison camps to raid, and I’m sitting here going “this whole game is an excuse to pad itself out” and I’d have to wonder why, the main campaign is pretty long without the side shit especially since all it does is tack on unnecessary side plots. Shocker and Tombstone have no business being in the game, the Sinister Six is pandering cute shit that feels like a last minute addition rather than properly built up villains, Sable is just an excuse to have cheap enemy types and does nothing of benefit to the actual plot…. it’s like they got scared if they didn’t add enough fan service, then Spiderman fans were gonna turn their noses up… and seeing how they’re praising the PS4 game for…. doing the same fucking thing that AS1 and 2 did, I’d have to agree with their fears. This game is a just a longer, more bloated version of AS1 and 2.

But you know what PS4 Spiderman lacks? The ability to replay story missions. Yeah, that’s one of the few golden things about the Beenox games is that you didn’t have to start a whole new campaign over just to play through the story again. Cause then it means you have to deal with MJ and Miles again, and I’m not ok with that. Replaying certain segments you enjoyed was better than these stupid minigame hideouts that are the same thing over and over, or waiting for random crimes to pop up. You could find and read back issues of old spiderman comics to see the first appearances of all the villains that appeared in the game, that was an awesome feature. You didn’t have to CRAFT new costumes by grinding tokens, you unlocked them through normal gameplay. The Stealth segments were a lot more fun in those games too, and not tedious and arbitrary. And no…. fucking…. QTEs! And yet, people were tripping over themselves to praise the shit out of this game. It actually lacks content compared to the previous games, but people wrote them off as “omg rushed Activision games”. Insomniac only built off of what Beenox was already doing before and just came up with a better combat system. But the ability to read back issues of Spiderman stories was a HUGE plus! Certainly could’ve use that to know a little more about Mr. Negative and Silver Sable. I think it had more to do with Activision rather than the game being bad, because all the web swinging praise shouldn’t even exist as it was the same in AS1. I’m starting to think it’s some fanboy shit. Sony fans tend to overrate their exclusives far more than Nintendo fans. Like they’re paid to praise this shit.

I suppose when you get right down to it, it’s not a bad game, but it’s only real improvement is it’s combat. I would prefer the Beenox games than this simply because they had more content. And…. hell, better costume selection. I’d also have to assume because Homecoming was so terrible that this was a breath of fresh air in comparison.