So here’s the low down on this month long absence.

……. I got sick.

No bullshit, I was fucked up. I think it was a sinus infection or something. Whatever it was, I had crippling headaches for a good 3 weeks. Was it Plagas? Idk. I might’ve had a lapse in judgement since I had a quote “close contact” with a mother fucker that DID have it, and I’m like “awww fuck, he done got me too“. Took one them tests, came up negative, but I think them q-tips were contaminated or something cause I ain’t been right since the damn test. Instantly came up sniffling and sneezing, but then my jaw and teeth started hurting out of nowhere, tilting my head caused me nothing but grief, and blowing my nose actually hurt like hell. I’m a helluva lot better than I was over the last 3 weeks, but I still feel some lingering effects from the shit. Like my face gets some minor soreness for a good 15 minutes, but it subsides. Thankfully, because my immune system just kicks ass (Thanks Orange Juice addiction), I didn’t die from that shit, so those who still wish for my death can take another L.

But if I gotta take another of them tests, I’ll probably just… dig out a booger or something, I’m not going through that again. DON’T… try to confirm or deconfirm if this was a Plagas thing, please. I DON’T need anymore anxiety right now.

But fuck, I am out of the loop as far as the wonderfully fucked world of entertainment is concerned. Perhaps that’s for the best, my mental can’t take the ruining anymore. I’m about to be one of those people that’s like “you know what? I’mma just break down and assume that this is the kind of shit that people are just into these days. Peeps is running towards every piece of shit entertainment they can find, and they don’t give a fuck about quality“. Cause it’s like… there’s absolutely no reason for the Uncharted movie to have made any sort of money. It literally had worse casting choices than “Welcome to Raccoon City”. No bullshit, that pipsqueak ass Spider-Fan does NOT fit Nathan Drake at all, yet niggas went to see that shit! Where the fuck did the Bar drop, because that shit went further down a level beyond hell itself! There are no standards anymore, even Raccoon City made bank. Though I notice Shitshow 2 Dvds and Blu-Ray are stockpiled and barely sell, so maybe people are getting some sense. 😛

The only thing new that has happened was that Sis, likely out of spite or something, picked up that Miles Morales game. Ok maybe not spite, she DID enjoy the last Spiderman game that came out. (you know, the one where they DIDN’T model Peter’s face after Tom Holland? UGH). And I’m sitting here thinking “This woman is trying to kill me! I already have a massive headache, and now she brings that twerp ass Kid Arachnid in here!?” Well whatever. Waiting for Shredder’s Revenge to get here at the end of the month was painful enough (I swear, that WILL be my last game… unless the sibling picks up the slack or something) so I figure “hey, maybe this will be halfway decent!“

Well…. ehehehe…. oh man, they didn’t give one rip fuck about this game, did they? This is the game that people would compare to Pre-Sequel in terms of feeling like some sort of DLC rather than a full-fledged game. Except… you know… Pre-Sequel was actually better than 2, so…

There are bugs up the ass, irresponsive controls making for sluggish combat, and the patronizing themes that make Black Panther blush. Funny there’s a sidequest that gives you a “Black Lives Matter” mural when the game spends an UNHEALTHY amount of time trying to convince you Miles is more HISPANIC than he is Negro, defeating the entire purpose of having the mural AND a Black Spiderman, and literally making Miguel O’Hara so much better because his race is insignificant to his badassery (or maybe Black people are just more interesting than Hispanics, take your pick hahahahahahaha I’m cancelbanned). I also found it funny when after the bridge collapse, Miles is all “I can’t believe they tried to shoot me!” and all I could think was “Yeah, that one drop rule is a bitch, ain’t it!?” 😛 Also, it might just be me looking outside of context as usual, but it almost felt like with Rio Morales being the main influence in Miles’s life, she constantly had this rule of “Stay away from Aaron Davis”, but would usually never tell him why. Yeah he’s a crook, but it mostly seems like a brotherly spat rather than he tried to harm the family. So it looks more like Rio is trying to keep Miles from Aaron… because he’s literally the only connection to his blackness. Think about it. Miles didn’t speak a shred of Spanish in the first game, but here it’s all over the damn place! Rio been indoctrinating his ass ever since Jeff “I’m named after the Confederate President” Davis kicked the bucket. That mother is suspect as fuck, and the subtext is too on the nose. Say, why isn’t he named “Miles Davis”? I didn’t read Ultimate Marvel in all it’s entirety so I don’t know. The father is named “Davis”, but the boy took on the mother’s name. Eh maybe it was some sort of agreement they had, but it almost seems like Marvel played the “but not too black” card with this runt.

I probably wouldn’t focus so much on his race if the game didn’t feel oblidged to do so on my behalf. A lot of people made the claim that people only cared about Miles Morales exclusively because he’s black and nothing more. The game literally assumes this and focuses so much on his ethnicity almost to the exclusion of his character (because he’s honestly boring in this game, he seemed more interesting in the last game). I mean… you got this bitch, Phin, who pays a visit for Christmas who… I shit you not, literally tells Miles that he needs to find a good restaurant, make some mix tapes and shoots some hoops. Well there’s 2 stereotypes you just shoved in there, you know I’ll be savoring your ass whoopin by the end of the game. (The Tinkerer? Do you guys not have better D-List Spidey villains!? What happened to that Kangaroo or whatever!?) The Prowler Sidequest is all about making a bootleg mix tape, and it’s just…. I know fuck ass Disney owns Marvel, and they probably demanded that shit as racist as they are, but it’s just so in your face about “he’s Black but not too Black”, and I have to wonder why people were bitching that the game was too woke for them (totally lied about the “Miles fights Police Officers” bit as well). This shit offends me to be perfectly honest. Mostly because the first game, Miles didn’t display these aspects in the first game, he was just the black science nerd. Shoving that shit in here just feels like “Hey, we need to make a nigga checklist, so for all the music in the game, have one of those shit rappers play some random beats even when the mother fucker can barely rap!” Modern Rap is fucking terrible, btw. You gotta go back to the 80s and 90s where that shit peaked, or go 100% underground. That radio mainstream shit by every “young” and “lil” dumbshit is NOT feasible I’m rambling again…

The story is woefully underwhelming in comparison to the first game, likely because the scope and scale of the game has been significantly reduced, and there’s no Sinister Six to deal with, OR an iconic villain. You just get some leftovers and The Tinkerer. I would say Roxxon is the villain, but you barely fight them outside of hidden bases. Most of your time is spent fighting the “Underground”, a bunch of “Rah rah fight the power” kids with purple hoodies who do a poor job of trying to convince you that they’re the good guys. I mean no side is good, but Roxxon and by extention, Simon Krieger, should be seen as “more evil”. So why the fuck aren’t they the final boss? Instead it’s this pain in the ass “childhood friend” who’s too damn emotional to see reason? Vengence and bloodlust, I get, and yeah, Miles kept secrets about being Spider-Man and infiltrating your organization, but fuck, can you blame him!? Your brazen attack almost got his mother killed, you inconsiderate bitch! And you were keeping secrets too, wtf. I hate Phin/Tinkerer. Krieger does a damn good job of making you hate him, which is all the more frustrating that you DON’T get to kick his ass in the game. Instead, you just watch a cutscene of him getting arrested. There’s no satisfaction in that, you idiots! Course they turned Prowler into a bitch. You’d think Oscorp would have some sort of beef with Roxxon considering it’s another corporation with energy plans and shit, but they’re barely mentioned in the whole game. Uh what else? Ganke’s annoying and keeps reminding me of Saints Row 4 with his dumbass name, I didn’t need Ashley Birch doing a podcast after Borderlands 3 made internet celebrities into crappy characters, JJJ is not funny this time around, and overall, it just feels like very… very pointless filler overall. Roxxon has an energy plan that would likely gentrify Harlem, Miles discovers this energy plan is actually giving people cancer or something, the Underground is fighting Roxxon over this energy plan when it’s really a thinly veiled revenge scheme put together by Phin for what happened to her brother Rick Mason (haha the Son of the Tinkerer in 616), Krieger tries to keep this “sickness” aspect of the energy plans a secret because he’s such an asshole that he doesn’t have a motive beyond pure unchecked greed to move forward with a plan that KILLS people, Miles infiltrates Underground, fights Phin, reveals his face, gets captured by Roxxon, Krieger talks shit, Miles finds out that Prowler sold him out, they escape, Phin acts like a total bitch, Miles fights Prowler for dumb reasons, Miles fights Phin for good reasons, Phin has her noble sacrifice and dies to save Harlem, Krieger and Prowler are arrested, and Tom Holland comes back from his vacation because he forgot what comes with great power. Hmm, he’s not so different from Spider-Fan in that regard.

Spider-Man’s one of those tainted properties now, I can’t even get enthusiastic about it’s future anymore. Sure I’m going to watch Spiderverse 2 because…. fucking 2099 gets a movie appearance and I damn sure ain’t about to miss that, but overall, I think Superheroes are a tainted genre thanks in no special part to Disney. I really hope the Ninja Turtles can come out of this unscathed because the Super Hero Genre is in freefall.

Also, check out a little something called “Huntdown”. It’s goddamned amazing. ALSO also…

Yeah I know that E-Book tab is a bit empty. I’m working on it.