The End of Archie Sonic

RIP last bastion of coolness

I remember back when my Genesis died, my only access to Sonic material came from the comics. More specifically, the Knuckles comics. I damn near caught every issue. But I missed a lot. 

The Knuckles comics were especially great cause… at the time I discovered them, Knuckles Chaotix was out. Obviously cause of S3K, I wanted it badly. The characters looked amazing at the time. But… money, so that never happened. But that’s what made the comics so special. TV networks didn’t pump out enough Sonic material for anyone to get invested in these characters, so the comics filled that void easily. And these guys were amazing. Mighty had super strength, Espio could cloak, Vector… was the shit talker who couldn’t fight worth a damn, and Charmy was…. evicted from the group after hot dog poisoning :P. 

Wasn’t there a fire ant in that group?

And their villains just oozed wickedness! Enerjak, Mammoth Mogul, and… hell even that human hunter from the last 3 issues. Ok I can’t even lie about him.

Yeah, the Knuckles series got worse after the hot dog shit. The stories delved into romantic comedy bullshit and having to deal with bullies from the past (YEAH, IM KING OF THE HILL!) And Julie–fucking–Su. I’ve never seen a tomboy so unlikable since Michelle Rodriguez. Rouge is the one thing the games have over the comics in this regard.

But yeah, after they canned the Knuckles way back then, I stopped following the comics. I know they merged the 2, but the red man’s stories and art suffered tremendously. I think the older material was better. I did like the two parter where Sonic and Tails were fighting an advanced Mecha Sonic in the forest. I think the last one I ever picked up was one where Sonic was fighting some red chinese dragon. That also had terrible art.

But yeah, up until I could afford games, the comics were a damn good substitute. I remember all the Super Specials! Including the ones where you had the females turn into Sailor Moon knock offs, the one featuring Zonic and Kintobor, and the one that had introduced Sonic Underground! I also remember the bad ones like Sonic Kids.

But my absolute favorite one had Super Sonic, Hyper Knuckles, and fucking Turbo Tails fighting Mammoth Mogul in an alternate dimension. For a long time, I thought Turbo Tails was real! He looked badass! But that issue alone was fantastic. 

I had a lot of fun reading these comics. After SA1 when the games actually had developed actual plots, I felt the comics held little purpose for me, so I overlooked the rest of the series altogether. Ofcourse now with how shit the game plots have become, the comics would again serve a purpose. Though considering all the legal piss going about giving Julie-Su a more grotesquely mannish appearance (I can’t remember all the details) and with SOJ ramming their cock into the comics, that purpose was killed off quickly.

And now this.

While I haven’t read a single issue since 2002, I feel bad for those who still did. With Pontaff style writing being a thing in the future, these thin books would’ve been a nice release valve for all the garbage we’d have to stomach. Unless you’re a Knuckles fan, maybe. I’m not sure if his stories ever got better in the last 16 years but nonetheless…. we could always count on Archie, from the 90’s to now, to deliver to us what Sega would continuously fail to deliver. Memorable stories, fantastic battles, and badass concepts. One thing Archie was not was creatively bankrupt. 

Then again, I wouldn’t know these days. And like I said, romance comedy and bullies wasn’t even close to what I came to the comics for. Or maybe it’s cause I hated Julie-Su so much. And they fucked and made a baby too..

Judging by Danido’s comments (I haven’t watched those vids yet), this could be the end of Sonic’s coolness.

Capeshit 4 (Power Rangers)

No I’m not doing Spiderman Homecoming. Fuck that movie. It’s about time I moved away from Marvel for a bit anyway, their output is only getting worse.

When this movie first came out, I was completely hyped. And like I said before, I was binge watching several Seasons of this crap, all of which ranged around 40 episodes. So by the time this movie came out, I was already up to my ass in Morphin sequences to not bother to look at this movie critically. Nevertheless, I bought the damn dvd Some time ago, rewatched it once…. it ain’t really all that good. Hell, it’s actually kinda boring! 

Mind you, this is coming the fact that the director commentary reveals that the goal was to remake some old shit called The Breakfast Club. Highschool students who spend their time bitching about their problems in detention. So this movie isn’t even about POWER RANGERS, it’s about this director’s obsession with 80s bullshit! So you get about 2 hours of teenage drama that no one cares about, and about 15 minutes of actual Ranger action that is entirely rushed and takes a backseat to the Bayformers style of boring Zord battles while punishing our ears with Kanye West. This was a pretty shit movie. And I conned myself into thinking it was any good. Lets get on wit it. 

Also, I got the bizarre sense that this movie was sending a lot of racial subtext in regards to the characters, more so than Disney! So expect the subject of race to pop up. A lot. In humorless ways.

I’m serious. You don’t wanna see racey shit? click away!

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Still here? You have been warned.

It starts off lovely with a Prologue that would’ve made for a sexier movie. Zordon as the mother fucking Red Ranger crawls about and lays down the five power…. rocks (not coins!?) To protect them from Rita Repulsa, mother fucking green ranger! She demands the Zeo Crystals location (so much fanservice!) Until something blows up and she gets knocked out into the ocean.

This whole prologue had me fucked up! It was brilliant! It established a mythos, was loaded with fanservice, and actually gave Zordon a background story. They were hoping we would love that shit, cause the movie transitions to a masturbation joke involving a cow.

Not making that up. Jason Lee Scott…. minus the Lee… and some other paste monster decide to pull an ill-defined prank involving taking a cow into the locker room of… I’m guessing an opposiing team. But the cops come and spoil everything like always, and the next day we have Jason with a foot brace and an argument with his dad. Jason ends this obligatory debate by saying “you’ll never understand me”. Neither would I or anyone else in the audience, you fucking prick.

See, the tension between Jason and his father is short and not given any room for development…. unless you watch the damn deleted scenes! In it, you find that Jason is bitter about the fact that his daddy didn’t bail him out of house arrest….. seriously folks. You got this privileged white boy gettin pissy because he got what he deserved!? It’s a damn good thing they deleted that scene as that would’ve made Jason into an irredeemable little shit with a false sense of entitlement. 

As Jason goes into detention, he bitch slaps a bully for picking on Billy Cranston, who got confused and thought he was doing a minstrel show.  It’s not explained as of yet why he’s in there, but meh. Kimberly, the overrated sex symbol of power rangers fandom (Katie was the pinnacle of fine. Admit it!) walks out of detention to the bathroom. .. while the teacher was present. Not sure why highschool detention operates with the same scrutiny as a regular college classroom, but we needed this bathroom scene.

To drive home the point that this film wants to be degrassi, we have kim being confronted by 2 bitches who… I guess oust her from that peer group… because she took a photo of some girl and punched some guy’s tooth out. Ooooook?

Then, she cuts her hair shorter and goes back to detention because… something only white girls underst- WHY THE FUCK WAS THIS SCENE NEEDED!? If anything, they could’ve cut this shit out and it wouldn’t impact a thing. It adds nothing, it doesn’t give us a reason to care about this character, and shows petty drama over some goddamn tweets. The jackoffs behind this flick cared so much about being culturally relevant to teenagers that they forget about how to make any of this shit relevant to the plot. 

Actually, I take that back. The very next scene has Jason’s actions factor into Billy’s proper introduction. Here he shows his awkwardness around folks and desperately wants to be his besty (which annoys me to no end). And he makes Jason a deal. If Billy disables Jason’s bitch brace, he will let borrow his family car. I repeat, borrow… his family… CAR! 

*sigh*…. I know you assholes gave him a mental disorder, but… what the hell would possess Billy Cranston, the smart one of the group… to loan a car that he does not own… to a guy who is a complete stranger to him!? The guy has a bitch brace on! Meaning he has committed a crime! Why the fuck would you trust him with that!? Because he was a star football player!? Are you on the yac!? . …eh hell, he might be, the way he coons in this movie.

So he disables the damn thing and asks Jason to drive him to a construction site. I guess they bond here? Of course, Jason doesn’t want to be around him and leaves him to his weird shit.

Then we see Johnny Yong Bosch once again steal a role from Walter Jones as he portrays douchbag Zack, sitting on a trailer as he watches a latino Trini Kwan (Change the race… but keep the Asian-esqe name) as she does yoga while listening to heavy metal. Yeah, fuck all that inner peace and tranquility shit that Yoga requires! We rock out on rocks! I mean, damn this sooooo edgy!

Back to Jason as he turns from Trespasser to peeping tom while he watches Kimberly strip down to a bikini a take a dive into a pond. She gets out and even has a towel on deck! Then…. typical boring ass teenage shipping where both characters are… too cool to have a normal conversation and talk about being rebellious! Cause I wanted to be reminded of this tired ass cliche that we’ve seen about a hundred times from the Fast and Furious franchise alone, as well as all the action movies. You know that type of romantic cliche where the girl acts like she doesn’t want cock while the boy talks about being on the wild side and how the girl should go and be wild too…. that kind of shit. The same level of shipping that is simply obligatory to the point of absurdity. Could you give us a reason to actually give us a reason to care about them before giving us this “will they or won’t they” piss? Cause by this point, I just don’t care about them.

Billy somehow makes a bomb and blows up a cliff. Uh… why!? Zack comes out of nowhere and starts beefing with Billy over his explosive personality, and Trini as well comes out of the woodwork with a random “homeboy” expression that is as hollow as her music career. Then, the mountain rumbles a bit showing the Power Co-…. Rocks. Zack wastes no time hammering away at the wall, wanting to pop out these babies for money. The 5 kids (yeah, Jason and Kim showed up too) take their respective rocks and then hear an alarm siren…. 7 minutes after the doggone explosion. They all head to Billy’s car and escape… via train crashing.

Ohhhhhh…

I admit. .. this part was actually well done! Normally, you’d expect the heroes to miss the train by inches… but naw, just straight up collision, and these stupid kids get knocked into the river! A good dose of shock value to wake up the audience after boring them to death for minutes on end.

We then jump ship to… a ship! Jason’s father is a fisherman eho manages to round up a ton of oily delights… and a decrepit old bitch! They don’t know who or what she is and so they leave Rita in the cargo for the police to deal with in the morning. 

In that morning, somehow…. Jason, kim, and Billy all wake up in their houses…. like shit never happened…. and they have the ol’ Spiderman trope of “HOLY SHIT I HAVE SUPAH POWAHS!” I mean… why not? This movie isn’t nearly as derivative as Doctor Strange! 

This is never explained in the movie, how they got back home.

Back in school, Billy’s Bully (5 times fast) tries to snap his arm… cause that is what bullies do these says with their super strength and all… but finds that he can’t…. so he tries headbutting him… and gets knocked unconscious. And soon afterwards, he already has white bitches trying to flirt with him. Ofcourse! In the cafeteria, the 3 are weirded out by their strange… or… well two of them, Billy is just pimping it with his nerd group, and after putting their rocks on a table, they blow up some cafeteria food. 

……Wait…. if they caused that kind of energy surge, someone should’ve been able to find them just by having fucked up shit happening. Tremors, EMPs… something! Cause now they’re just doing random shit! This is also, again, the only time in the whole movie where they have this kind of effect!

Anywho, back on the boat, a cop does an inspection of Rita’s corpse only for that crazy bitch to wake up and mutilate his ass. Why she reanimates here and not sooner…. idk

Back to the teenagers with attitude, they decide to go back to the construction site to find out what is wrong with them, passing Billy’s family car… that never gets brought up unless you watch the deleted scenes (seriously!?). At the site, they find Zack, and then Trini who instantly does a spiderman wall crawl. And then… Kim chases after her… and everyone else chases her. Yeah… this… this makes sense. 

They all get to a cliff that Trini just up and jumps over without a word. Zack jumps and tackles her to the ground, and then Jason and Kim jump. These kids haven’t even bothered trying to know each other so the scene just feels awkward as hell. Billy hesitates because that’s what smart people do, but he jumps, nearly not making it, and I already know what happens beforehand. He makes it by an inch, celebrates, and falls any- oh, yep. And ofcourse he survives, little pool in this big ass canyon. Zack and Jason jump in while Kim has to snatch Trini’s ornery ass  as they plummet to the pool.

Here they glow in the water only to have an in-joke about Billy and Zack swapping ethnicities. It seems like contrived shit just happens for specific moments rather than making the movie feel organic as a whole. Why the hell are they glowing different colors in the water? 

Anyhow, they find out that the pool also has a surface at the bottom, and as they reach it, they find a space ship. And inside, they meet Alpha 5. …..Or…. some midget…. cgi cosplayer who didn’t know that the original never had two flashlights for eyeballs. Goddamn, I hate this design! Both Alpha and Johnny 5 combined to become this tragedy of poor budget. How does Lion’s Gate compensate for that? By giving him tentacles. So now he can be in both children’s television and hentai. What a dreadful thing indeed.

After scaring the shit out of the kids, Alpha tells them to step on five separate panels which awakens Zordon. Of course, the kids are terrified and try to escape, but Alpha doesn’t let them as he shuts the ship’s doors. After giving Zordon an English patch (literally) the 2 explain that Zordon’s soul was transferred to the Morphin grid… somehow, and that the kids have become power rangers. Billy is the only excited one, but the other 4 are just… too cool to believe any of this is true despite the fact that there is a GIANT TALKING FACE!!

Zordon, understandably pissed, levitates them and gives them all a vision of Rita killing them all. Zordon warns them that they must become badasses to stop Rita or else she’ll obtain the Zeo Crystal and crap all over Earth. Despite everything happening, everyone leaves while Zordon talks to Jason about being the leader simply cause he has the red rock. Us fanboys recognize this is literally the first episode of Mighty Morphin, “Day of the Dumpster”. IE cute shit. Jason tells everyone that they should probably go back anyway. While that happens, Rita kills a homeless guy who…. can apparently afford a gold tooth? 

Ok movie. I can take having no explanation as to why the kids got warped back to their homes, or why the power rocks only affect school cafeterias…. but homeless people… have enough money…. for aesthetic dentistry!? I…. again…. suspending logic…. let’s just move on.

So we get a training montage since the next day, the Rangers can’t morph. They get sent to the pit to fight holograms of terribly designed rock monsters the movie wishes to call “Puddies”. W/e. Billy also manages to pinpoint the location of the Zeo Crystal under a donut shop. And I swear to Amma, the amount of bitching this gets is unbelievable. Movies have product placement. I get it. Has that ever gotten in the way of a movie’s enjoyment? This isn’t Nintendo shoving their cocks into every 3rd party Wii U game.

At some point, Alpha shows the team their Zords. You would think these machines would get a better introduction, but eh. Alpha tells them they can’t drive them until they morph. …………. but Zack has other ideas. He takes the MASTODON for a test drive, and finds he can’t drive, and nearly kills some nuns before drive into the Ranger pit, talking about how awesome it is, while Bill Hader forces out the “AyAyAy” catch phrase. You only had one job. One job, Hader!

Everyone rightfully tells Zack that he’s an asshole, but he blows them off, prompting Jason to punch him, and then proceeds to get his ass whooped by Zack. Billy breaks up the fight and morphs. To his own amazement,  he quickly demorphs and everyone is all “HOW!?”. Because black power, bitches! Unfortunately, because the black guy morphed first, Zordon gets pissed and sends them all home. Jason stays behind and hears that Zordon was only using them to activate the Morphin grid to bring himself back to life. Jason tells him to fuck off and leaves. Meanwhile, Rita raids a jewelry store.

At some random campfire, they all figure they can’t morph because they don’t know each other. So after a fucking hour, they do formal introductions and talk about their problems. Zack has anxiety over his sick mother which… doesn’t excuse his behavior at all. Billy likes country music and misses his late father… which…. doesn’t explain why he blows shit up. Jason tells them they already know his problem (asshole), Kim doesn’t say anything, and Trini is Lesbian… or that’s what the internet jacked off to prematurely. Ignoring that this came from Zack making baseless assumptions about what Trini’s problems are, which I found rude and offensive. 

Despite how rushed this scene felt… its not all that bad. It at least tries to humanize the characters (Mainly Zack) and give an explanation into their mal-adjusted behaviors. Back at Trini’s house, she is attacked by Rita who threatens to kill everyone she loves if the rangers don’t meet her at the docks. Jason agrees to go because… fuck Zordon and as they make it there, Rita gets the jump on them and kicks their lily asses all over the place.

Rita bounds them on the side of a ship and threatens to kill them one by one if they don’t tell her where the Zeo Crystal is. Billy tells her under the Krispy Kremes. After that, she kills him. Remember black children! Don’t learn anything, and white folks won’t murder you! …. maybe. The rangers rush Billy’s corpse back to Zordon, hoping that he could revive him, but he’s no miracle worker. The kids all start boohooing about wanting to give their life for him (so forced, this dialogue is). But then the Morphin grid activates and Zordon brings Billy back (HOW!?). With that in mind, the rangers can now morph. 

……. Yep….. you saw that, right? The only way they could morph…. was for the white folks, the Hispanic, and the Asian…. to be united via the death of the black kid. Disney ain’t got shit on Power Rangers, that’s subtle as fuck! 

So they morph, Rita makes golden turd Goldar, the rangers fight for half a minute before going to their Zords, having a short easter egg of the 1995 Go Go Power Rangers theme before shifting to some shit Kanye West song, fighting off Goldar while forming the Evangelion Megazord, and bitch slapping Rita into outer space, all in time for Jason David Frank’s arrogant ass pops in with Amy Jo Johnson for their cheap cameos. And the movie…. basically ends.

See, I rushed through all that because the movie didn’t care to make the highlight of the movie to be the least bit engaging. 

Power Rangers is quite boring and offensive, and a lot of that has everything to do with the director wanting to create the Breakfast Club. The rangers are all unlikable jerks  (with the exception of Billy) that honestly could not in a milllion years relate to it’s audience in any meaningful capacity. We’re told this is a more realistic approach, but that does not make a good movie. Dino Thunder is the same way, but at least it treats itself like Power Rangers. I don’t get this logic with people that think a series cannot succeed on it’s own merits. Power Rangers is goofy and unrealistic. Hell, even RPM, the “darkest season” is goofy. This movie is just depressing. But we’re supposed to like these jackasses over the Operation Overdrive team!? Fuck that noise. It doesn’t feel like Power Rangers at all. I was deluded by my own hype. 

And lets talk about these characters,  eh?

Jason Scott, if you don’t watch the deleted scenes, is flat and invisible. Much like the original Jason who’s praise came exclusively from being the first red ranger… and Rocky sucking ass. Jason is a football star turned fallen hero who doesn’t really grow as a character, and his actions seem contradictory. He pulls a prank, defends a geek from a bully, is annoyed by said geek… they’re trying to create this character who is good at heart, but has a chip on his shoulder all the time, and they don’t even get that right. Deleted scenes make him out to be a self-entitled prick.

Kimberly, much like the show, is insignificant and.. probably the most “normal” teen there. But her drama seems to revolve around a picture she took about some random girl, and a guy’s tooth she knocked out. No clue is given as to how those events are connected, and we don’t know or care what the photo is. Nevertheless, that’s her entire character, honestly.

Zack is an asshole. Probably a commentary on Johnny Young Bosch himself. Zack is motivated by money, mainly because his mother is sick and dying, and he needs to buy medicine. As noble as that is, his interaction with his teammates is atrocious. His joyriding with the zord nearly cost nuns and his own team their lives… and all he can do is talk about how awesome it is. He lacks empathy and consideration towards others, and he doesn’t realize the error of his ways by the end of the movie. Dean is probably trying to make him the cool fun guy, but it just isn’t working. Dare I say Dax was more tolerable. 

Ok I can’t lie like that. 

Trini is just as bad, if not worse, than Zack. She likes to give people the cold shoulder and push others away. She is essentially the ice queen of the pack, the first to run away from people, tries to use “street lingo” and fails in her delivery…. but we’re supposed to ignore her poor characterization…… because she‘s lesbian!? The internet has no standards when it comes to pushing LGBT agendas. Should’ve seen the nut-riding Trini got. 

And then there’s Billy, who is simply the most likable character by virtue that he doesn’t push his problems onto others, or act like a dick. No emotional baggage that tries to force anyone to care about his problems, and puts in the most effort to try and make this ranger gig work.

That being said…. he’s also the most offensive character in the whole movie.

-He is a tool to move the plot along when necessary (finds the power rocks, morphs first, locates Zeo Crystal) and lacks an in-depth background (they don’t show, they tell.) So he’s really just a hollow shell. We get more details about Kim’s social media fetish.

-Billy in the original show was smart simply because. But for the movie, they make him autistic? So a black character cannot be smart without some mental disorder? Are you fucking serious!? Doubly insulting is that his symptoms of autism are played for laughs. Not even sure the studio has any sensitivity training. He also has this thing where he claps 3 times and smiles, which is so coonish it’s cringe-worthy. 

–Smart Negroes are obviously domestic terrorists.  This brother makes fucking bombs! Obviously because he is one the few intelligent coloreds, he is a threat!

-Humiliation. A lot of people point out that Billy’s ability to find the Zeo Crystal is a quality of his character…. except that when you think about it, all that does is get him killed. Finding the location of the Zeo Crystal is detrimental as by finding it, Billy inadvertently allows Rita to find it no problem. Finding the Zeo Crystal did not benefit the team in any way… and as a result of plain curiosity, this cat was killed. On-screen. Black dude dies…. period. This movie jacks off to shitting all over this guy.

-He had to die, but why? Like I said earlier, Billy’s death allowed the team to finally realize how much they cared about each other, that kind of shit. Butat the same time, because this movie feels rushed, you really don’t see it. The characters never “bonded” outside of Jason and Kim. That campfire scene was pure exposition and cannot constitute as actual bonding. They just tell each other their problems. And as far as I’m concerned, the only person who has any reason to be upset over Billy’s death is Jason. From guilt or from the fact that he at least interacted with him prior. I damn sure don’t see Zack shedding a drop.

But again, the subtext on this whole scene is disturbing, and feel free to call it paranoia. But the black kid had to die… for the whites, the Hispanic, and the Asian to gain power. Considering that here in the US that these 3 group are, in tandem,  trying to push out/remove/kill/supplant our asses either through police savagery, gentrification, or otherwise, this scene just did not feel right at all. Yeah, I know he was brought back to life and all, but the humiliation was already done. I know I’m gonna get some shit for this.

-Primarily the court jester. Obviously, this is Hollywood. And they needed a Coon, so there’s Billy’s real purpose. This is the real reason he gets so much praise. I spent way too much time on Billy. ..

Alpha 5 sucked. Moving on.

Zordon was… kind of a dick in this movie. Sure he has a personality now, but it just feels odd. The original Zordon seemed like this benevolent wizard with cool toys every now and then. this guy was a manipulative bastard who only wanted the teens to activate the Morphin grid so that he could come back to life. Dirty mother fucker. Then he quickly blows off the team, telling them to Get out of his cave when they still couldn’t morph. 

I actually enjoyed Rita in this movie. She’s scary, she’s efficient in combat, way better than the tv show version. And hey, having a background as the green ranger is waaaay cooler than Tommy Oliver. Now if only she had more screentime. Or made Goldar better looking.

Overall, the excuse for this movie being so lackluster is that’s an origin story, but that doesn’t really cut it. First Avengervwas an origin, Spiderman 1 was an origin. And they never waited until the end of the film to get their suits. By the time they morph, you will have stopped caring. And when they morph, they have stopped caring. It’s Power Rangers marginalized by the director to make his fetish for the Breakfast Club work. Lets hope the Power will protect the sequel from Dean Israelite.

The Mind of a Nintard

As silly and as inflammatory as the title is, this isn’t that kind of post. And it might come off a bit crazy, but if you’re still this blog then you’re all used to my crazy ass. 😛

I think we all need to be a little honest with… how people, particularly gamers over the internet, act out and react to certain things that may or may not be comfortable for them to hear. The vast majority of internet gamers tend to be social outcasts. These guys/gals grew up without a lot of friends. And as a social people, we want to be included in something. It could be a gang, a church gathering, or what may have you. We need that sense of belonging as it gives us some psychological validation to our existence. A purpose.

For those who were unfortunate to fall out of favor with society, cartoons, movies, videogames…. these become their friends. On the outside, they are the bottom of society. But in game land, they are appreciated by virtual characters. They become heroes, worshipped and admired by a digital populace. This is the escapism that gamers are all too eager to parrot in defense or praise of their favorite pasttime. To retreat from unpleasant realities through diversion… or fantasy. In this case, the reality of being insignificant or verbally tormented in the real world. To escape is to get away from pain in the most general sense.

I’ve said oftentimes that videogames didn’t become this niche activity for the “dregs” of society up until the early-mid 90’s. As I was only born in 88, im not aware of what the attitude towards games were before then, but as far as I can remember, it was just another social gathering. Friends, family, everyone would join in if they wanted. You never heard things like “Video games are the devil” emanating from people’s mouths. Of course, Mortal Kombat (Maybe Doom as well) changed that mentality. Video games were sick depravity, responsible for the downfall of society, responsible for every school tragedy known to mankind. As a result, games became less social and more introverted. The gaming environment, however, found a new audience…. in the dregs of society. As the ahem….“casual” folks started looking at games as a harmful activity, the outcasts found it to be a safe haven of escapism. 

Ofcourse this didn’t give a better image to themselves or videogames altogether, and people started attaching a stigma that games were for freaks and losers… mainly because games were targeting them specifically. The outcasts, however, didn’t start feeling emboldened or empowered by their position in society…. until the internet went public. You see, people don’t feel any real sense of empowerment without some form of external validation. They need to feel justified in what they do from other people. If not, one of two things may happen. Ideally, they may take it upon themselves to stop their current path and try to improve their lives, trying to be of benefit to society, or go through self-improvement for their own benefit. On the other hand, they may enter severe depression which could lead to suicide. And social outcasts are already emotionally fragile people, so suicides are almost inevitable. This is why cyber bullying is fucking dangerous.

However, if the outcasts find other like-minded outcasts, then the 2 scenarios rarely ever occur. Instead, the outcast becomes comfortable. Because now they have found someone like them to take solice in. They can talk to them, confide in them, etc etc.

Think about how a typical geek would enter a cafeteria as he sees tables lined up with jocks. But sees one empty table and darts for it because he doesn’t feel secure sitting with other jocks. But a table with geeks already is the only option. A peer group creates a sort of…. safety net. Not so much as protection from physical threats but more so emotional devastation. Like say if you suffer an ass whoopin alone, that’s also a blow to your own pride. You feel real shitty and sore! But if you suffer the same fate with other people, the pain is shared, and you won’t feel as crummy. Hell you might even laugh about it with the other guys. A shared pain is dulled as it is spread out more evenly.

This is the kind of security the internet provided.

The internet became a literal safe haven for outcasts. They can find all of their peer groups at the click of a button, and they don’t have to leave the comfort of their houses. Within the group, people feel secure in expressing themselves more openly as there is less risk for confrontation or ridicule. As such, the internet had become a tool of empowerment for the outcasts. They become more confident in themselves, at least online, and not live in fear of scorn.

This is usually…. ok for certain groups. But… when you get to those whose lives revolve around entertainment, you start getting some bad results. Especially with gamers. Lets talk Football for a quick sec.

Football is considered by all to be a healthy interest/hobby as it promotes physical fitness and scholarships even though it contributes absolutely to society beyond entertainment for regular joes. But lets talk about the regular joes. These guys usually pick a favorite team… and they get into these all-for-fun… full of laughter debates about which team is going to devastate other teams and go to the super bowl. These joes are always joking and having a good time, however. They may talk about certain teams being better than others, but there is a surprising amount of civility amongst the joes (unless they’re rednecks who start riots over this shit, mind you. Or if it’s hockey). I believe it’s due to the fact that… as a whole, Football is accepted and celebrated by society. People like football, thus it is considered normal for people to enjoy it. To revel in it. To bask in it. So the joes who talk about football feel no shame in it. No guilt. So there is nothing to get… defensive over. Football fans are psychologically secure in being football fans.

But on the other hand, videogames are damn near a social taboo. With all the controversies and stigmas attached to them, it’s a wonder that the industry even exists. Gamers are outcasts to the degree that they are mocked in the media. An ostracized people will often see their environment as a threat. Because their hobby is seen as a taboo. In their case, gaming is a guilty pleasure. They feel some level of shame in their hobby. And combined with the grief from society, this all culminates in a person that is hostile to what he or she perceives as an outside threat. This threat doesn’t necessarily come from outside of the peer group, this can come within as well. Football fans exist in the same group, but there are the subdivisions, IE the fans of different teams. A Redskin fan might beef with a Cowboy’s fan, but it rarely gets serious. Because to them, it’s all clean fun. Gamers on the hand, being outcasts, are already bitter due to being shunned by society, so in any debate, they can get easily heated, and all that baggage, all that bitterness just explodes. Why? Because again, an outcast seeks validation.

Naturally, under normal conditions, the outcast would be introverted. Wouldn’t say a word in his defense. Because there is no one around that would even consider taking his side on an issue. But with a peer group, the outcast is empowered. Strength in numbers! The outcast is emboldened to defend his position because he at least has people wiling to back him up. But…. when you find someone that has a difference in opinion…. battle lines are drawn. What this outcast sees is a challenge to his stance. They may see it as a simple disagreement, but on a deeper psychological level, they feel the same way they do in the real world. This difference in opinion… is no different than being shunned by society! They see that same rejection, they feel the same level of invalidation, they feel the same level of disrespect. But after feeling validated by their peers, the outcast lashes out against this difference in opinion under the pretense that this is a threat. A threat to his continued validation by his peers. It becomes something of a drug. When you’ve tasted a modicum of respect, you have no intent of losing it. But this also includes dealing with people who mean no harm in stating a different perspective, it is still considered a threat to the mental security of the peer group. IE the emotional fragility of the group, the emotional fragility of the outcast. And when you consider the endless amount of peer groups (fan communities) that exist on the internet, you have all these conflicting views (hehe) and an endless backdraft of flamewars.

This is internet gamer culture. The constant and never-ending quest for validation from other people as a result of social circumstances. This kind of quest leads to degenerative behaviors of tribalism and irrationality. And… this finally leads me to… the Nintard. Yes, I know it took me this damn long to get to the point.

i’ve often been criticized fot using Nintard as a label for Nintendo fanboys. On the outside, it’s a juvenile term. But when you stop to think about it, it’s more fitting than you’d believe. What is a retard? The textbook answer is a person of subnormal intelligence (which could also be fitting), though in a broader sense, it’s just a slow person. Not necessarily slow as in not getting things in a millisecond…. just in the case of basic social and mental development. 

Sometimes a gamer will find a peer group and never leave ….that group. The reason would be obvious as the group gives that sense of belonging, pride, acceptance, validation in one’s existence… you the deal. On an emotional level, this is beneficial as the group gives a sort of stability. But on a developmental level, i’d say it’s detrimental. On a social level, you need to interact with different people. You need to explore different perspectives just to know how to deal with them. Learn how people think, different social cues, take advice, gain insight on different things. It’s especially important because you won’t have a lot of experiences in life, so interacting with different people who can relay those experiences with you is extremely beneficial so that you can learn something from them. Bounce offf different ideas from different people if you’re a sort of writer or so. It’s also important if you plan to run a business to understand the behavior of people so that you can sell your products. For better or worse, you rely on others to do anything anyway, you eventually have to learn to deal with them. You need to learn empathy, tis what I’m saying.

But the outcast is already disadvantaged in this case. They already have that fear of the pain of rejection and/or verbal abuse from society, so they develop social aversion. They don’t want to be around people. They become misanthropic, if you will. They’ve become so mal-adjusted that their internet peer group is the only form of interaction they have. So they surround themselves with al these like-minded people and what happens is that they become zombies. You don’t get different perspectives, ideas, experiences, you don’t get shit. As a result, their development as people stagnates. They’re not evolving because they have this comfort zone with people who share a hivemind. The group won’t evolve beyond there current mindset. The outcasts are so obsessed with their own validation, they don’t care about having empathy for others. After all, they‘ve been mistreated, so to hell with the world!

You could say it’s a selfish mindset like this that gave rise to the short-lived “Hardcore/Casual” war of 07-11, yadda yadda. At the end of the day, this desire to remain with the peer group out of safety and validation is cause for the retardation of one’s development. This also extends to different tastes, whether it be food, cars, or even videogames. You always have folks telling you to “try new things”. Food in particular because you’re always gonna need to adjust your diet for the future. Getting used to different foods makes those transitions less… abrasive(?). 

But most Nintendo fans won’t try new games outright. They have found a decent comfort within Nintendo brand games alone. This isn’t bad in and of itself, everyone has the same tendency towards preferences, but to go and suggest that Nintendo games alone are superior to the rest is proof positive of an inexperienced mind. He who has not traveled far thinks his mother is the best cook.

As a result of all of this, you have this group who, thanks to a growing level of pride backed by a support group of like-minded folks, and a significant level of bitterness towards outsiders of the group, and a lack of empathy for those outside of the group, feels emboldened and justified in lashing out at people who express a different viewpoint. They get angry! This anger is triggered by the invalidation of the outsiders just by merely having a different perspective. Remaining exclusively within that peer group creates this illusion that everyone shares your views and lifestyle. That’s why many gamers can’t understand how a “critically acclaimed game” on the internet could be irrelevant in the real world. That whole “living in fantasy lands distorts your perception of reality” gig. So that is what they expect from others, complete homogeneity of ideals, IE validation of their ego. Anything otherwise is a threat.

Now… you have all these ingredients for a mal-adjusted person or group… but what if such a peer group became outcasts on the doggone internet? This became the Nintendo fans during the gamecube era. Because PlayStation was the hottest thing going around, Sega basically dissappeared, and Nintendo was on the chopping block. These goddamn Console wars, man. With all these mal-adjusted groups sitting around with no empathy towards each other… collide. And I mean collide, they devolve into tribalism.  That is all a console war is, just unempathetic people beefing on the internet. And the gaming industry feeds into this nonsense to increase the sense of loyalty that these gamers have to these products…. you see, with all the bull about these outcasts being a part of the group, they tend to develop a sense of identity and loyalty to the group, like some perverse form of gratitude to the group, they develop certain ideas. Like say if the company responsible for creating what you enjoy just up and dissapeared, they wouldn’t know what to do with themselves. They’ve elevated a product, nay, a corporation to that of their own identity. So they tend to say outrageous things such as everyone having this obligation to… “support” a video game company regardless of whether or not you may like the game. I remember reading some comments about Tekken Tag 2 not selling well, and some responses were that fans should feel “ashamed” for not supporting the game when it was first released. That is insanity. But that game series is the corner stone of their identity. To support (buy) the game is to validate their existence. And that’s not clever writing, that mal-adjusted identity could not be without the existence of that game series. So low sales is infact a threat to their very existence. They cannot function without this series. So then they lash out at other people for not buying the game. Because those disinterested customers represent the society that rejected them. This is all a subconscious nightmare. 

Going back to the Nintendo fans, they have such fierce loyalty to Nintendo mainly because Nintendo has a past history of success, and these guys take that history and supplement it for their own heritage. So they have pride and an inflated sense of worth in this regard. And yet… the Nintendo fan becomes an outcast online. The success of the PlayStation brand grew where as Nintendo fell out of favor with the general public. the fandom would become defensive and try to justify their purchase and brand loyalty. They held steadfast to the mantra of “Gameplay matters first” as their philosophy of quality and success, all of which was to save face and protect that precious identity of theirs. For the last 3 years, they wrestled with the idea that perhaps no one wants Nintendo games anymore, but would remain loyal to Nintendo regardless. As they became the laughing stock of the World Wide Web, the Nintendo fandom became equally as hostile. The same feeling they had toward the derision they received from those in the real world, within the confines of the peer group online, explodes in a fit of rage because now they can’t escape from the pain in reality or fantasy. And those fits of rage always make for irrational/disproportionate responses. 

 Hell, if I were to put up my last post on a Nintendo forum, I’m willing to bet that everyone would bitch about the one or 2 lines about Wind Waker than anything else I touched upon. Wind Waker has become the single most damning example of both their philosophy and their identity coming under fire by the larger majority of people. Gameplay first was the philosophy they conned themselves into believing, but constant criticism of things other than gameplay drives them up the walls. They can’t stand when Wind Waker gets heat. Why is that? Because it is a perfect representation of themselves! The outcast. Believing that deep down, you are a unique and creative person who, regardless of your appearance, is still of some sort of benefit to society. But the criticism of the game is a harsh reminder of the reality they themselves try to escape on a daily basis. And they can’t handle it, so they lash out in anger.  These people will go so far as to tell you that you are not allowed to have STANDARDS! IE when they complain about those who hate the art style. 

At this point, however, you would expect them to give up this false loyalty and move on. now the PSP would be coming out and that would be it for Nintendo fanboyism. Everyone predicted that Sony would conquer the handheld market and completely engulf all of Nintendo’s markets. That Nintendo would be finished. 

Of course, we now know the exact opposite happened. Nintendo maintained their handheld market and stole back their console shares from Sony and Microsoft. The Nintendo fans rejoiced and felt empowered by Nintendo’s success. Remember, they elevated Nintendo to their identity, so in their minds, they’re saying “We‘re winning, we‘re winning,  We‘re winning!” And now, as a result of having finally beaten Sony on 2 equal fronts, they assume there is zero reason to criticize Nintendo for anything! Because they have found success! And success is the ultimate shield against criticism. After all, what’s the problem if what I’m doing is working out fine?

The Wii U came and failed miserably, but that honestly goes ignored in the Nintendo fandom. It’s not good for their identity or their collective egos to admit it had faults. Infact, when the 3DS was going through it’s blunders (even significant profit loses), they would deflect criticism by pointing out how much worse the Vita was doing. Comparative analysis at it’s worst.

The Nintendo fandom developed this habit of ignoring the vices of Nintendo but parrot their successes at every opportunity. Breath of the Wild is now a gold mine despite the fact that the Switch has nothing else of worth on the system atm (the Halo launch factor). Mario Odyssey is automatically amazing even though it hasn’t been released yet. The fandom is so preoccupied with these rare successes that they ignore any evidence to support any notion that Nintendo does anything wrong. It’s not convenient to  their collective identity. No one who is obsessed with their own image is going to point out their flaws or failings in life. These kinds of people can’t take criticism because, again, they are emotionally fragile people.

Nintendo, however, seems to have this effect on gamers that promotes this cultish loyalty for years on end, and true to their nature, it’s because many of these fans played Nintendo games when they were children. Regardless of your experiences in adulthood, your childhood will have the most influential impact on your life. Your childhood environment determines your behavior. Your childhood tastes determine your desires. Your childhood work determines your priorities. From the moment you know what a tree is, you become a sponge, and overtime you filter out things you don’t care about. Your childhood pain…. determines your sense of security. Nintendo targets children specifically, and is the aspect of one’s childhood that people don’t simply outgrow. They had fond memories of Nintendo games, especially those that started out with N64/NGC, these the main ones that be online. And one’s childhood experience is so precious that we become nostalgic and refuse to see anything wrong with our history as a result. They’ll become even more aggressive as a result. 

So you have that childhood, combined with the  Nintendo fantasy, combined with the social aversion, combined with the internet, combined with the peer group, combined with the single-minded thought process, combined with the unified identity, combined with the hostility toward criticism, combined with success, combined with the lack of empathy, combined with a lack experiences or refined tastes… and you get the modern Nintard. A gamer who is psychologically dependent upon his identity as a Nintendo fan as a shield for his insecurities. And because the Nintard has his pride, he will refuse to go outside of his comfort zone, meaning his identity as a Nintendo fan supercedes his own tastes. All because it’s a convenient shield. 

An identity is more than just a label. It defines your history, your culture, your behavior, your tastes, your status, etc. An identity gives you mental security that you have some sort of purpose or worth to this world. It generates self-esteem. It gives people different perspectives of life which, ideally, could influence others and change their perspectives in life to better themselves. An identity gives you definition to yourself and the world at large, promoting a particular value system. An identity is a powerful thing! So if your identity is under attack or seems inconvenient for you, you may either dump it for a new one to remain mentally secure, or have the pride to defend that identity regardless of the opposition. 

However, an identity that is adopted out of mal-adjustment is ultimately harmful. It is nothing more than a hollow shield to protect a person from the pain of social derision. It is dependent upon a fantasy that dooms people to a level of retardation that prevents them from functioning in the real world. And the Nintard is an extreme case of this. They’ve erected all these walls in place out of fear and pride. Their fantasy of Nintendo being #1 is so precious to them, any attempt to reach out and educate them… is met with heavy opposition. Their minds are effectively closed off. There is no reaching them.

….I haven’t played a good Zelda game in a while… 😛

Gameplay is a Racket

Just…. out of curiosity… why do people put so much stake into gameplay, not so much as a factor of why people enjoy games, but as the be all, end all that matters and as the sole reason that people buy video games in the first place?

It’s no secret that Nintendo fans, or rather the idiot Mario fans, have infiltrated the Sonic fandom by the numbers, so much so that I have to wonder how the SA3 Facebook page is still so active when it’s clear the majority of it’s members talk like this.

Stubborn, dismissive, typically never wants to hear shit. A clear case of arrested development. The majority of responses could be summed up as “I don’t care if you hate it. I enjoy it and that’s all that matters” How any fan page can last this long with a bunch of complicit zombies who bitch and moan at any hint of criticism is anyone’s guess, but that’s neither here nor there.

Horse’s ass reasoning aside, this talking point of “gameplay” is an overused talking point of the Nintendo fandom. And I’m willing to bet that’s all it is. Talk. Let’s…. entertain this argument. Suppose gameplay is all that really matters. That it’s all people look forward to in a game. If so… and I realize these are all vacuum sales…

These results should come as no surprise. NSMBW is purely a gameplay experience. Content is non-existent for the most part. It’s unbridled success is all the proof that the Nintendo fandom needs to validate their claim that gameplay is indeed king. Hell, even the questionable success of Wii Sports further proves this. Why, to them, NSMBW is a peerless masterpiece of craftsmanship that Nintendo had concocted. Tinkering with near perfection right down to the smallest deta-

Ahhhh shit…

I had been browsing some forum posts from seven years ago on who preferred NSMB to Galaxy. The results were nearly one-sided in Galaxy’s favor.

There was only one person that mentioned NSMB, and….

Hot damn! Even mentioning that you like NSMBW better was met with subtle hostility! “Or because he didn’t explain why he thought that way like everyone else did, fucktard!” No one else got the response he did. It was almost unanimous that Galaxy was the superior title. 

And you know what the best part is!? They listed more content reasons than they did gameplay in determining why Galaxy was the better title! 

How is this possible!? A successful videogame that exemplifies the talking point of gameplay… is euphemistically shunned by those that worship gameplay!?

The answer lies with Sony. See, when the gamecube was announced to not have any console features aside from just playing games while PS2 and Xbox were boasting about DVD playback (big deal back then) and online functionality, many were looking at Nintendo like a dissappointment. But, to defend their buying choices in a last ditch effort to save face & their egos, they went on a pride parade declaring that gameplay was more important than DVD and internet functionality. And for the first 2-3(?) Years, it seemed like the gamecube would do alright regardless. Then… Windwaker happened. The deplorable content of that game literally drove away what little install base Nintendo had. All because Link looked like shit. The same old excuse was used to defend that game as well, even to this very day when no one returned for the HD remaster.

You see, the talking point of gameplay evolved out a defense mechanism. No one was talking this gameplay shit when it was known that PS1 could play music CDs. The concept of 3D graphics was on everyone’s minds. Who knew that such a lauded concept could’ve come from the insecurities of a fanboy?

Despite all of this, allow me to make a bold assertion and say that… yes, gameplay IS an important element of a good game. Afterall, why the fuck wouldn’t it be? It is a game, so the gameplay should be polished as to make the game playable. What is suspect is the notion that it is the most important element, which is laughable for one reason. Gameplay is a tool of immersion. 

If you’re buying a Spiderman game, for example,  you’re not buying  it to experience some fantastic gameplay mechanics.  You’re buying it because you to be fucking Spiderman. You want to take control of his powers, his fighting skills, his web swinging through Manhattan…. you’re buying for content reasons. The job of the gameplay here is to make you feel like you’re Spiderman. If it fails to do that, then the gameplay is faulty. Like say a Superman game where you take damage from bullets. You could say this is a beneficial gameplay mechanic as it makes the game challenging… but you won’t.  You’ll be saying “this is goddamn Superman! Why is he taking damage from bullets@?”

And lets be real. You’re not buying a Star Wars game for interesting gameplay mechanics. You’re buying to live in the Star Wars universe. To become a Jedi knight. At this point, you won’t be thinking about gameplay, you’re thinking of living in this fantastic universe. As such, the gameplay should be….decent enough that you can experience this world without too much headache. It doesn’t need to be perfect.

I bring up the 50 Cent/Okami examples frequently to illustrate this. People cared more about playing some dumb rapper than some intricate caligraphy brush. Now if you want to say gameplay is important,  you go right ahead. People need the game to be playable and polished enough, no one is suggesting otherwise,  but unless you’re talking about shit like Tetris or some other puzzle game that has no face to get attached to, you won’t convince anyone of gameplay’s significance. Something like Tetris (gameplay only) is seen as something to pass the time. It’s not considered a game to be invested in. It has no content outside of the blocks it gives you. Probably why no one gives a shit about Puyo Tetris.

Sonic the Hedgehog is noted as the fastest thing alive, so of course you’d look toward games that promote a faster pace, and lets be real. It’s why people praised Unleash’s daytime acts and demonize the nighttime acts. Ine was faster paced, the other slow as shit. It’s also why everyone hates Lost Mind. Sure it plays well, but it isn’t Sonic.

Why do you think people hated that Fox McCloud was given a stick? It didn’t make the game bad by default, but it’s a scifi series based off of Star Wars, you’d expect less Zelda and more Jet Force Gemini in this case. RE5-6, horror series feels too actiony, fandom outraged. Not necessarily bad gameplay, just innappropiate contexts. The gameplay is at the mercy of the content.

Lets think about this logically. Legend of Zelda, here you have an elf with a sword and shield described in every single game as this chosen hero. Instead, the majority of the games have you running around as some errand boy solving childish riddles. The gameplay fails here not because it’s no good, but because it refuses to put the player in a situation that makes him/her feel like a fucking hero. If the game is telling you that the only way to prove your worth is to swim around and catch tadpoles, the game is a failure on all accounts because that makes no goddamn sense. There’s no immersion because the priorities were shifted to the gameplay. It is/was the core of Miyamoto’s philosophy to divorce gameplay from content. You can’t simply do this. Gameplay is at the mercy of the content. Has been for a very long time.

  I mean, this guy wanted to be a toy maker, yet he denies the foundation of imagination. His philosophy of game design is dangerous and irrational, yet the fanboys and the industry encourages this nonsense. Gameplay in and of itself shouldn’t be the be all, end all. It’s clear the Nintendo fandom doesn’t believe this shit. Otherwise they wouldn’t have bitched about Call of Duty for so many years simply because they were military shooters.

Sadly, we now live in a generation where all sectors of game design, whether it be the toxic industry or the pretentious indies, believe in divorcing gameplay from content. It leads to many products feeling hollow and unremarkable. The industry focuses on  online multiplayer, often where the military shooter premise is an excuse. Hell, I remember an ad for a fallout game, I think these pasty teabags were in a college classroom and… I don’t recall that ad explaining what the fuck the game was about. At all, it was all about playing with friends over the internet. 

I recall a conversation with a friend who recommended dark souls tp me because it’s super challenging. I played Shinobi back in the day, a challenging game is nothing unique. I ask him what the game is about. He never said why… or I don’t remember all the details, but he constantly went on and on about the difficulty and shit.

Industry games, especially those of the west, have gotten shallow focusing on superficial mechanics and multiplayer gameplay. Indie games are no better as they follow the loonacy of Miyamoto’s philosophy down to a T. That’s why you don’t see me talk about indie games often, it’s all one big gameplay show off contest between what might as well be college students. The only indies with a brain or 2 are those who’ve worked in the Industry prior to the kickstarter age (Wayforward and Inticreates to name a few).

Good gameplay is fine and dandy, but it rarely takes priority over what people are interested in. No matter how fantastic your gameplay is, no one will play it if the content isn’t there. The developer of Cave Story learned that the hard way.

Hyper Slapstick (Crash Bandicoot, Sonic Again)

I honestly have zero experience with the Crash Bandicoot series. Most of that can be attributed to my time spent as a Nintard, shouting and spitting all kinds of poison at PlayStation. 

Well, no, there was that Mind over Mutant game on Wii, I don’t really care much for that game either. The characters were hideous and the unapologetic emphasis on what drug-induced writers call “comedy” just killed any enthusiasm I had in that game. Plus, the copy I had was messed up anyway so I couldn’t get far without it freezing.

As far as I’m aware, N-sane trilogy is an HD upgrade of the original PSX trilogy? And from the looks of it, it looks like all the trash coming from Dreamworks steeped in the hyperbolic logic that “it is animated. Thus, by the law of God, it MUST be silly and full of humor!”

It’s one thing to assume a cartoon needs to be funny, it’s another to bash the audience over the head with it… while being absolutely shit at it.

Gameplay wise, I think if developers took after Crash Bandicoot instead of SM64, 3D Platformers would’ve lasted longer. This is as arcade as a 3D platformer could get. On the other hand, it just… doesn’t interest me. I don’t know if it’s baggage from Mind over Mutant, or the general slapstick aesthetic, but i’m just not diggin it. I don’t know if the games have always been like this.

Course that got me thinking. Why do so many people overdo comedy relief?

 I mean, the MCU is one thing, but for several animated movies and/or videogames with anthromorphic characters to go this route? I’m shocked Sly Cooper played it straight for all of it’s entries. 

It might be just that misinformed millennial way of thinking when looking at the subject of cartoons. They see Looney Tunes and think “these cartoons are silly with all their slapstick humor, this must be the extent of their content!”. Nevermind that Looney Tunes was one of the smartest and classiest cartoons you could watch. It’s this prevalent attitude towards cartoons that has poisoned the Sonic fandom’s way of thinking. Because it is cartoony, it needs to be full of humor.

Hell, i’m starting to think the whole “Light and Dark” debate is less about the tone and more about maturity and silliness. Current Sonic is all about being funny and failing miserably. The same mentality that pervaded in Lost Mind, Boom, and possibly Forces is the same nonsense we’ve seen in All 4 One, Sacred 3, and Mind over Mutant. This isn’t just trying to be funny, it’s bashing you over the head with it. Constant attempts at humor at every inch and every corner. And it is repulsive. 

I don’t know anyone who finds this kind of humor funny. Children aren’t at all mentally capable of getting this kind of “comedy”. Adults certainly don’t find this shit funny. This form of comedy, where they feel like they’re debating with you on whether or not you should take any of their shit seriously, seems to be an attitude shared amongst Hollywood and the game industry at large. That because it is cartoony, it must be funny 100% of the time.

It’s this kind of shit that drives people toward Anime. A cesspool of pretentiousness and perversion.

But I’m getting off topic. I don’t know what to think about N-Sane Trilogy. Generally speaking, I enjoy retro collections, but why don’t they just go ahead and make an actual sequel? This is yet another PlayStation franchise after Ratchet to get remade and yet I hear nothing about an actual sequel. Ah right, Naughty Dog is too busy jackin off to interactive movies and fake difficulty. 

Maybe you could ask Heat about it. I know nothing of Crash Bandicoot.

Shun Nakamura confirms that Mania was an afterthought.

Right here

Thanx Justin.

which doesn’t negate the fact that it’s a fanservice title. Afterall, why reuse Egg Dragoon if this is a different dimension? 

Excuse Plot is an excuse plot. What would’ve been interesting though cliche is if modern Sonic was actually on Robotnik’s side and because he’s OP as fuck, helped him rule the world. Then you’d have the perfect excuse as to why Retro Sonic is in the game. But then the assholes in the fandom would cry “INJUSTICE RIPOFF!”

He’s so ugly, goddamn! 😛

Blah.

You have to admire Sega for being secretive with pre-release info. They’re actually trying to keep things under wraps now. As annoying as it is for me.

City Heights and Park Avenue are literally the same area. Or are we going back to SA2 branding of stages IE Radical Highway/Tails’ s variant? 😛

I’m not complaining, I just don’t see the point of calling them different names when they use the same damn textures.

Not to mention the main reason people will give Forces a fair shot…. if only a handful of people. 

Why do I get the feeling that was a loaded… “question”?

Anywho, this is the first time I’ve heard of Sega reading (or hell, even accepting) fan letters for anything. Their output sure as hell doesn’t show it.

Then again, someone had the idea of putting Axel Stone in PXZ2 so… who knows?

Oh, so these Wispons aren’t stage exclusive!?

*sigh* as much I bemoan the wisps, this is a good call. I can see tons of replay value with that alone.

I do question this “volume” of parts they claim to have. I don’t believe they’ll have a lot to show for it. Or at least won’t have decent parts to not come out looking fucking retarded like that trailer wolf trash.

Well this interview turned gay, didn’t it?

Oh look, we’re going on about Mania again.

So Mania’s existence was both an afterthought. … and an assumption!?

Fuck me, I was right! They did assume, ahem…. “classic” fans gave up on Sonic after 98! Pay attention to the wording.

“But we suspect there may also be fans who enjoy playing both games”

Nice job knowing your audience, dipshits. This isn’t the same thing as with 2D and 3D Mario, both variants of Sonic are action games (stopped being the case in 2010 when Sega went coocoo for Famicock). Sonic fans had little reason, outside of forced genre roulette and Saturn baggage, to not give 3D Sonic a chance. 

Also, since when did a Z-Axis dictate a change in style for game rules? Sonic doesn’t need Treasure hunts or goddamn puzzles to break up a monotony that most fans aren’t even tired of. Sonic is based on the principles of Arcade Centrism. The boost gameplay is as arcadey as it can be. Half the time, all this other bullshit (like the damn wisps) are added for the ease of the developer’s monotony control rather than the benefit and consideration of the player’s desires. 

Course that’s a difficult message to pass on thanks to the overwhelming nintards that have infiltrated the fandom, those cocksuckers literally jerk off to puzzles.

Didn’t I tell y’all Sega was a bunch of graphics whores? 😛

Seriously though, were they trying to sell us on the Switch? Is it A wonder people think Nintendo bought you out? 

Again, more info that makes Forces look awesome, and more garbage that makes Mania look worse.

Odyssey Prime: Desperation

Fuck an Intro. 

Super Mario Odyssey

By the balls of Ra…

You know, at first, this looked like the real successor to Mario 64. And I was judging this from the more unique and varied worlds that was shown in the original trailer. The more I watched the latest trailer though, the more it looks like typical 3D Mario fare. Outside of the ability to take control of enemies (a dull idea at best), Nintendo didn’t show anything new. The vocal soundtrack they used gratedmy ears. When did Mario games start using a 40s broadway tune for these games?

Anywho, the new body snatching mechanic is one of those gimmicks developers go to when they’re fresh out of ideas. Especially in the context of Mario games. I can’t imagine anyone getting excited to play as different enemies from the series, outside of maybe the koopas. Why one of them has a frying pan is anyone’s guess. Who wants to play as a fucking goomba!?

That’s not what concerns me, however. During the trailer, you’ll catch a glimpse of Mario taking control of a stone fist and flying it directly into the face of a boss.

That feeling when you realized… Nintendo hasn’t changed one bit.

This kills w/e enthusiasm I had with this game. A lot of games have had this thing where you play through a game normally, then you’re thrown into a boss fight where the game expects you to be patient for some reason and jump through some hoops just to deal damage to a boss. Either through limited powerups, specifc guns littered in random portions of the arena, or the typical multi-tasking fights, a concept the industry has yet to outgrow from the late 90s in their bid to appeal to Hollywood. With Mario…. well, with Nintendo period, they can’t just come up with a new gameplay idea without making it entirely necessary to your progress. 

You’ll have to use Bullet Bills to navigate a desert to your destination, use a cheap cheep to swim in areas you normally wouldn’t be able to, possibly stack up 4 goombas up to press 4 switches in sync. That simply isn’t fun, and it appears Nintendo doesn’t get this. Abilities like this shouldn’t a crutch to which you need to complete a level, but should be an asset to help you complete a level. This was what power-ups were originally intended to be. Valuable tools to increase your chances of survival and overall victory. Instead, were treated to archaic Nintendo 3D platformer design disguised as a “fun new gameplay mechanic” that I could easily get from Prototype 2 w/o the crutches.

It’s a bit of a dissappointment. The game did look good. But if Nintendo is going for that intricate bs again, count me out.

Was that Pauline at the end of the trailer?

Metroid Prime 4/Samus Returns

Fuck Metroid Prime. 

The Prime series hasn’t been good since the first game, partly due to half the team getting traded around with Bungie. I would assume those asshats were responsible for the downfall of the Prime series, particularly with the games being turned into a softcore run of the mill FPS, what with the addition of beam ammo, tacked on multiplayer, competitive online modes, Tower defense segments, an escort mission… basically everything fans were afraid of when Prime 1 was first announced. And even if that wasn’t the case, the awkward back-tracking (no, Metroid isn’t about that!), tedious puzzles, and lengthy for no reason boss fights would ensure that no fun would be had with the series ever again. And hell, corruption was just a complete bore half the time that you’re fighting boredom more so than the controls. Unfortunately, because Other M is so much worse (it’s honestly not), the value of the prime series is greatly exxagerated out of pure spite. Hell, Other M was actually refreshing compared to how stale Corruption was.

Speaking of Other M, here’s that with yet another trip to Zebes. I might check that one out since it’s on a system I actually own. And isn’t some random FPS.

Kirby

Well there’s the one saving grace of Nintendo’s E3 line up. Looks no different from Return to Dreamland, and yet I’m convinced it’ll be the best Switch game to own…. for the moment, anyway.

Fire Emblem Warriors

While I did say turning Fire Emblem intoa Warriors game would make it less boring, I don’t know If I could trust these doorknobs with another game after the tragedy that was Hyrule Warriors legends. So far, it seems like most of the characters are coming from the 3DS games. I could hope for Ike and Lyn, but I don’t know if they’ll include characters from the games that didn’t do well.

Mario X Rabies.

Good lawd, they brought back the Rabbids…

…..that’s all I can really say. I can’t see myself caring about another turn-based strategy game, especially a crossover of 2 franchises I don’t like.

But this is proof there is no limit to how Nintendo is willing to go to whore out their mascot. I don’t think the rabbids were ever popular. Ubisoft must’ve wanted something from Nintendo if they agreed to do this crap

Wargroove

……Another baseless strategy game!? Seriously!?

Xenoblade 2

Form fitting armor my ass

Otakus rejoice! Nintendo fucks what could’ve been an interesting franchise in a cheap to pander to you faggots. Words cannot describe how underwhelming that trailer was. Carefully crafted to reel in the hopeless animu fans and infuriate those who actually enjoyed the first game.

Also seems like it’s gonna be one of those franchises where each entry is it’s own universe with some minor connection to previous games. Now the Monado is some spirit with huge tats. Oy
You know… Nintendo’s E3 presentation. .. isn’t interesting at all to talk about beyond Mario. About the the only games that look good are Samus Returns and Kirby, though I was honestly hoping for an F-Zero sequel or Custom Robo. Instead, we get some shit called Wargroove because Japan is jacking off to turn-based nonsense. A Mario/Rabbids is beyond stupid, and it seems that Switch will be another console where you constantly wait a million years for a decent game to come out.

I was bored out of my mind watching watching these trailers. Nintendo seems to be going through the motions for their software again. I’m more disturbed that thousands of fat ass gamers stood in line for hours just to play 5 minutes

Letting off some Steam

I need to make an admission. Yes, I have been just rushing out a lot of my posts lately. Even to this day, I have limited internet access, usually about 3 days a week. Lately,7on’t have the energy to write. I don‘t enjoy writing short posts as it’s a waste of space and time. Many of you all will find trailers of these games on your own anyway. 😛 I haven’t really given much time to reflect on anything last week.

With E3 going and so much…. crap to talk about, there usually isn’t a lot of time to discuss these games and what they’re doing right or wrong in such a short window. But I notice that often times people don’t want to hear about old news or games unless there’s a specific format for it, or if the game is actually released and playable. And as it stands, the only areas I care about as of right now are Sonic and Nintendo, so unless something catches my eye otherwise, those 2 areas will be the focus of my next few posts.

I look at videos for Sonic Mania pretty often. More so just skimming through comments of what I now see as hyperbolic praise. Then I find one commenter critcisizing Chemical Plant, which I personally felt was the only old zone that had any effort put into it. He went on about how pointless most of the new additions were (the sticky walls, I think), and that the developers were wasting their talent on nostalgia. I don’t see it his way, and I think he or she is speaking from the standpoint of baggage. A decade of being served crap does that, though his/her points shouldn’t be discounted. Any info you gather either it be analyzed or purely opinionated can be useful. Regardless, you have the usual nonsense bickering going on as a result of this. And of course one commenter goes on with the tried and true rebuttal of “Sonic fans complain too much! Why can’t they just be happy!? Sega is givin ’em what they want!”. 

I… am utterly… sick of this same catch phrase being spouted everywhere you go where even the slightest hint of negativity is met with derision. Now we’re getting to a level of parody where criticizing a sonic game is taboo simply because… one game, one that hasn’t officially hit store shelves even, looks so familiar to the shit we hold so closely from our childhoods. This estranged stance comes from being easily satisfied and rarely ever swayed. Coming from one with an untrained mind to see what is right or wrong with anything. But more so, it’s evidence of a lack of empathy. Gamers don’t care why other people like things so long as it doesn’t step on their toes. Entertainment is an ego driven industry, it has everything to do with making you feel good. Anything that’s intrusive that feel good experience is met with unbridled hostility. This is why you have more players complain about ugly women in Mass Effect Andromeda than the actual problems the game, because they can’t make believe they’re having sex with someone who is attractive. But that’s another issue altogether.

 I will admit, to this day I’m still baffled by how anyone can enjoy Mario Puzzles to the degree that they wait 5 hours standing in long lines just to play five minutes of a game, but i’m not completely blind to see why many enjoy the Last of Us so much. A gripping story, stunning visuals, zombie apocalypse, most of the enemies being black, even the ones with obvious white redneck voice acting (fuck you, Naughty Dog) but understanding why people don‘t like something is actually pretty easy. I’ve said in the past that people don’t think when they see no problems. Their brains are turned off temporarily. A problem is something humans instinctively attempt to resolve. So of course, people explain the problems they have with certain media more astutely than those who enjoy, they take the time to think about these problems. If you have no problems with Sonic Mania, and you’re on a medium by which you do not care about other’s problems with the game. These catch phrases are merely a result of you trying to resolve a problem that you see by way of deflecting critcism. Because to you, this guy stepped on your toes. 

As for the rare individuals who find this catchphrase to be a legitimate question, this is for you.

The latest trailer for Sonic Forces was released showing gameplay segments from a video where Webber and some other morons dressed up like sexually repressed nerds try to demonstrate the 3 styles of gameplay. Essentially being a trailer of a recompiled video… along with new cgi footage of old villains as well as one new character who seems to be a combination of Mephilis and Midna from Twilight Princess. And that is simply confirmation that… this year is the year of Sonic Fanservice. 

This is possibly why we still haven’t seen much of the games as fanservice titles don’t have much in terms of an incredibly thin premise as an excuse to pack as many crowd pleasing elements as possible… with the exception of Zavok. I suppose that’s fine, I just don’t know how to feel about it, honestly. I get the sense that the plot will be a repeat of Generations. Robotnik finds some magic fuck and messes with the fabric of the universe just to beat Sonic. Doesn’t leave much to anticipate if Green Hill and Egg Dragoon are any indication. Idk. Before this trailer, I figured this might’ve been an alright Sonic game. Now, I don’t really know. 

Either their marketing is a complete failure, or they have no idea how to draw people to the franchise. You don’t simply rely on cheap fanservice as a means of drawing in old fans. It worked for Street Fighter 4 because at the time, Capcom actually built trust with their fans by making quality games (or so their fans say). After 12 years of mediocrity, Sega has no such leverage. What exactly is gained from shoving in Chaos 0, for example? This… “character” has no established popularity with the fandom. Neither does Zavok or anything resembling that godawful title of whence he came. Is it some petty acknowledgement that SA1 merely existed? Is it some cheap way to pander to the now labeled “Adventure” fans? And I’ll get to why that denotion irritates me so much. Having Shadow would be enough. I’m expecting Tikal at some point, perhaps as some side mission to rescue Chaos from mind control or some shit. 

But therein lies an issue that’s been bugging me. You see, Chaos 0 and Metal Sonic, Shadow… these guys were all introduced around the same era. Zavok is the only fresh kid on the block. Sonic Forces was touted as a game that would… appeal to newer audiences, yet they shove in content that only the shrinking, existing audience would be familiar with. I don’t know what the plot would be, but one would guess that it could be a more in-depth Generations or something akin to Hyrule Warriors where you get summarized chapters of each Zelda game. Meaning for Sonic, you get content that only the old guard would recognize. Xenoverse comes to mind, as those game also include a CaC and brief chapters of all the different saga’s. 

Still, this isn’t anything close to being offensive unlike the last 4 insults of 1 lost mind and 3 busts. And its refreshing to see people looking forward to the games, even if it’s just the old guys. But the inclusion of Chaos, Shadow, etc. Is iffy for a number of reasons. This brings me to Sonic Mania… again….

As has been stated before, Mania and Forces were blatantly intended for 2 different audiences. Mania for those who grew up in the 90s, and Forces is for everyone else. You wouldn’t know it with the shit music they use to promote Mania. The whimsical music is not at all appealing to anyone who grew up in the 90s or anyone that was raised on more than Disney crap. The 90s, for kids, was when everything was trying to be XTREME!!! Everything was all about being cool, being edgy. The only whimsical horseshit you got was from Disney cartoons, PBS or otherwise. But for many of us who lived and breathed that era, everything was XTREME!!!! Sonic the hedgehog, whether it started it or relished in it, was absolutely a product of the times. And the music and happy meal atmosphere of the pre-order trailer alone is an unfamiliar stench. 

It would be appropriate to say that this game was geared toward the “Classic Hipsters“. These college bred, pseudo intellectual dipshits who thinks Disney, Pixar, and Nintendo are the only standard of all cartoon animals, and who probably fawn over the rebooted Ratchet and Clank movie/game. These hipsters who only see Sonic 1 and 2 as the only games that matter when representing the classic era. The only justification (no matter how much of a stretch) being that those 2 games were and still are the most successful Sonic games in history. And the games themselves didn’t start getting “edgy” until 93 with Spinball and CD, but if all you listened to were these damned hipsters, you’d think Sonic 1 was the only game that existed! However, the way this series was presented in those first 2 years along with Sega’s own identity as the cool kids were validated via future games, SATam, the archie Comics, and yes…. the Adventure series. These hipsters, and SOJ, would have you believe that the Classic era was just rainbows and fuzzballs. SOJ is probably being passive aggressive if that interview is to be believed. 

The logic behind Mania and Forces assumes that fans who played the 2D games instantly gave up on the series… in 1998. Where they got this logic, I will never know. None of us found shit wrong with Adventure to any degree that would make us say piss to this franchise. Many of us loved Sonic Adventure! The music, the visuals, the story, the feeling of a Saturday Morning cartoon that you could play… and because giga pets were a thing in the 90’s, we LUV’D Chao Garden. For a 3D Action Platformer in a world surrounded by Mario 64 ripoffs, it was the right kind of deviancy we loved and expected out of this series. That was Sonic’s real quality. It’s ability to stand out from the rest and still manage to captivate. Sonic of the 90’s and early 2000’s was a deviant little franchise. At least until Mega Man X, most action platformers didn’t have an edge to them, or content that was anywhere near as interesting as Sonic.

Hell, the Adventure games are more “classic” than half the piss that came out. If anything, the Adventure fans are Classic fans. They enjoy these games for the same damn reasons we do. When the content was still good…. And wasn’t trying to rip off Mario or Ratchet, other 3D platformers that are enjoyed for reasons people go to play those games, not to play Sonic, it was an enjoyable franchise for all the factions. And I’ll get to why in just a bit.

There was no real hard division amongst the fandom until Sonic 4 and Sonic Colors. The real split Is hard to say as being a generational phenomenon as newer fans haven’t come in to compensate for disinterested fans, which would explain why Boom was made in the first place. So what is this split? Why, the Classic fans, the Modern fans, and recently, the Adventure fans! We’ve categorized ourselves into different sectors which detail our likes and dislikes. And… it’s honestly the biggest fraud we deluded ourselves into thinking was legit. You see, the fandom didn’t diferentiate itself with the desire to identify each other’s preferences. It was to identify scapegoats for our pent up frustrations with being ignored by game companies.

Back in 08 or 09 I can’t fucking remember, Megaman 9 was released to much undeserved (and looking at those sales, invalid) fanfare from the industry as well as the fans. The amount of hype where MM9 was… mythologized if you will, was no short of outrageous. And Capcom was this unstoppable trend-setter for game developers, we had Capcom to blame for enemies with long health bars to show off sweet combos (DMC), those QTEs people are sick of (RE4), the increased frequency of fighting game update packs (SF4) and damn sure they are responsible for the hipster retro indie craze that’s long overstayed it’s welcome. By now, everyone was expecting their favorite developers to give their franchises the same treatment. And Sega was no different. This was when Sega stopped being original in their content and started copying business trends and gameplay from their competitors. This was when Sega stopped relying on the deviancy that Sonic games thrived on.

When Sonic 4 was announced, there was also a level of significant fanfare from the fandom and the media alike… before the game was released. After Unleashed became an embarrassment and a crushing blow to Sonic fans, everyone was desperate. S4 came as this beacon of hope for jaded fans, much like Mania today. But…  not….everyone was happy. Some fans had stated that Sonic didn’t need to go this route as there were 2D games were already on handhelds (an unspoken rule at the time as people didn’t take 2D games seriously anymore simply because of technological bias, I guess) and did not need to take priority on consoles. And this is where the back and forth BS begins. Or escalates. Classic fag, Modern fag, w/e the case may be, you had fans that wanted 2 different things. One wanted the series to move forward, change for sake of, and the other wanted validation from an industry that openly shuns them online. You see, all this crap about “gameplay” that the ahem…. Classic fans parade about these days isn’t out of some actual belief about a game’s quality, Sonic games don’t sell on gameplay, but because they wanted to act like they knew what they were talking about… to a community and an industry that knows fuck all about why people play games in the first place. Mega Man 9 and Nintendo games at the time were being praised for gameplay rather than relying on graphics to sell to people, even though graphics saved Nintendo from a perpetual ass beating in the early 90s, something that Nintendo fans gleefully deny out of delusion. Because Nintendo was finally successful again despite having an underpowered console that was ridiculed left and right. Mega Man 9 being reduced to 8bit graphics was, to the idiot Nintendo fans, validation of their purchase of a Wii console. Capcom was huge in the 2000s. If you didn’t love Capcom, something was wrong with you. Having them validate their choice in the Wii was a huge win for the nintards. And the Sonic fans looked with pure envy. They saw all the shine that Capcom was getting, and after the embarrassment of Unleashed, the Sonic fans wanted that.

you see, sonic fans didn‘t care about getting a Sonic game to go back to it’s roots. As everyone will tell you, we were still getting 2D Sonic games on handhelds. Sonic Rush even sold well. But because they were devoid of any real content, they go ignored. 

 These fans were tired of sonic being a laughing stock for 3 years. So they went on tirades trying to justify the mediocrity that comes simply by talking about how “gameplay matters”. This was a bad habit they picked up from Nintendo fans and the industry at large. Gameplay only mattered because Nintendo had nothing else to show for it except blind devotion. No CD format, “gameplay matters”. No dvd playback, “gameplay matters”. No decent online features, “gameplay matters”. It didn’t matter to Sonic back in the 90s, and it doesn’t matter today. Sonic games are gameplay focused and no one buys them.

Because Nintendo was merely being praised at the expense of Sonic, and the fans are sick and tired of it. I sure as hell am. And with Nintendo fans carrying baggage from all the asswhoopins their favorite publisher got from Sony, all the trolls from Sony fans, and the pent up frustrations from being laughing stocks for several years, any easy target they can get is good enough for the salvation of their egos. All these tropes in internet game communities come from frustrations that gestate and explode at a moments notice. And no, I’m not justifying death threats to game developers, that level of insanity is it’s own can of worms.

Either way, Generations comes out and the same fans who want the series to move forward are again pissed and start targeting the fans who want validation, blaming them for turning the series into a nostalgia fest. Gamers tend to butt heads with each other, vying for the focus and attention of game developers like some sick mating ritual because they think developers honestly make games based on what the fans want. Regardless, Generations became this template for how the fandom divides itself into 2 groups. The Classic Fans just want 2D Sonic, and Modern fans want 3D Sonic. This is/was a very narrow-minded way of looking at themselves, being as disgruntled as they are, they only create this divide to sever any associations they have with each other, and all they do is beef. 

Recently, an “Adventure fandom” was officially designated by the fans. Maybe cause of 2 lousy HD ports, maybe cause of a Facebook page, somewhere in there is more passive aggressive slants against themselves. Mark my words, there will be “Edgy fans” for hearing praise for Sonic Unleashed or cries of wanting the series to grow it’s balls back. “Pussy fans” for chanting that Sonic is for kids.

All the while…. the ones who enjoy more than just a fraction of the games, no matter how unfeasible that may seem with the horse crap from 2010 and up, are left without a voice. They’re either categorized or ignored. And people of all groups have  natural desire to belong. But in doing so, they subject themselves to tribalism, and begin disassociation from people they consider undesirable. “Choosing sides” if you will.

You may say “So what? The fans are being knuckle heads, how does that affect anyone?”

I don’t know. It shouldn’t be a concern of mine or anyone else’s.  Fandoms are always an endless pit of debates and stupidity where common sense is considered a fool’s errand. And yet… Sega is feeding into this nonsense! 

That‘s the entire point of both of these games. Because Sega has bought into the fandom’s delusions that all Sonic fans want super-specific styles of games! It would’ve been simpler to maintain a level of consistent content, but idiots don’t use logic. Here, they feed into this nonsensical lie that classic fans don’t like Sonic Adventure and all the shit that came after, and because Sega themselves have such a low opinion of the Sega genesis, Mania is stagnate in everything except the visuals. Meanwhile, Forces, being intended for the rest of the fandom, includes a post-apocalyptic future with returning enemies and a character creator. This is all to o reminiscent of Nintendo’s treatment of 2D Mario, especially in terms of the “dress physics” debacle. 

But that’s neither here nor there, the problem is the intent of appealing to broadly defined fans. Nevermind that other companies who have tried this usually end up with one brand selling over the other 90, Sega openly declares that the games are designed with specific tastes in mind. It sounds nice on paper, but that creates an assload of issues. One side might get jealous of the perks the other side gets and maybe try the game to find that they don’t enjoy the gameplay, physics, level design, lack of playable characters, lack of customization, etc. Or worse, you have one game selling more than the other, and then you are left with the option of killing off one series over another for less resources used and more money gained, and that creates more division, more baggage/frustration, and you’re left with less customers than before. Trying to please everyone will never be a substitute over knowing how to please everyone. Sega shows no capacity for doing just that. Knowing your audience is one thing. Dictating them is another. You’re essentially defining what the fans enjoy with a move like this. And we all know why this is terrible. A business exists to make money, but it isn’t out of thin air. It is from living, breathing people.

You’d think they would take cues from Yuji Naka, him wanting all audiences equally to enjoy the games he makes, in regards to Sonic Heroes. Unlike the errand boy Iizuka who’s balls are about as cruked as his teeth.

Sure, it’s not a big issue. Nothing is stopping you from buying both games (except maybe internet access), but it says something when the people making the games are outright proclaiming who they are for. That is something for the Market to decide. Not to mention such proclamations assume there’s even a market for the games in the first place. And with damn near every bridge Sega’s burnt down thanx in large part to their blind love of Nintendo and chasing a failed merchandise venture, I doubt either of these games will make a penny. There is simply no faith in Sega.

So if Sega says that Mania is for the “Classic fans”, I would hope they recognize how tall of an order that is. Most of us are reaching our 30’s. 2-3 jobs. Rent costing 1 Grand a month for most apartments. We don’t have the time or money to validate your narrow-minded views of your customers. That is if you haven’t chased the last bastion of them away trying to pony off of the latest business trends in merchandise to stupid kids like Cartoon network and their mantra of “sell toys to dumb boys“. And then when your genius scheme failed, you come running back with some fan production with a price tag, hoping to win back your now jaded fans for a quick buck, and then have the gall to declare that…. a specific game wasn’t meant for us. That just says to me that you still don’t respect your customers. And when you don’t respect money, you don’t deserve one cent. 

We go out and bust our asses everyday for what measly chump change can get us through the year. All of which usually go to food, supplies, children! The fact that anyone has any care in the world to hand you $60-70 dollars for a plastic disc or gigs of data that doesn’t contribute one rat cent to their lives outside of junk entertainment… should be treated with gratitude! Instead of being swapped in and out for who you think is gonna make you easier money. Where’s the respect in being a substitutional commodity? I know we love the excuse of “it’s a business”, but far too often we use this excuse for practices that, 9 times out of 10, don’t make much of a profit anyway. This is just doing anything they can to make money. Mania and Forces lack ambition, meaning there is less risk. None of this horse shit about “oh Sonic can’t be as popular as GTA!”, it’s manipulative marketing to tell the fans to lower their expectations because they‘re not gonna be bothered making an unforgettable experience. But they want up to $70 for some goddamn toys! “Why can’t Sonic fans just be happy“? Because dammit, we’re tired of being jerked around!

Also, if Sega really cared about making a good 2D Sonic, they wouldn’t be so carefree as to pawn off Mania’s development to foreigners. They’re far too racist and bigoted to allow some random baka gaijin to come in and “show them how it’s done”. But that tells you how little they really care. 2D Sonic has been pawned off on random developers since 2003, they clearly don’t enjoy 2D Sonic games, or hell, 2D games period. People like Koji Igarashi are a rare breed in this industry. 

People like to chant “Sega should hire Taxman permanently!” Or something along those lines. They see some pretty visuals and assume he’s good for the company. Nay, good for the franchise. If his interview wasn’t reading off a script, I wouldn’t trust him to save anything. He admits defeat the moment he is pegged for questions about what he thinks is best for the series as a whole. You want to build good faith for this series, and you can’t do that with someone lacking in confidence about the viability of the series he‘s involved with. No one puts out the time, energy, and money on a game they didn’t think would make a decent profit. Except perhaps Nintendo. 

 Don’t take this as me attacking the games, i’ve said enough about them (for now), and as i’ve said before, they don’t look like bad games. They may be better than what I’m giving them credit for. That remains to be seen. I am criticizing the logic and intent behind these games. There may be people within Sega that have the consumer’s best interests in mind. It’s the top brass that usually holds em back. Course, with such a Severe lack of transparency with the company, that is still hard to prove.

And of course Capcom puts black panther in the deluxe edition, using thr movie hype to boost sales of the more expensive version of the game. Seems those bastards are having a relapse.

A Black Panther Rant

.

….I agree in spite of my own hype!

I definitely need to see that RE5 analysis. 

Forces is looking much better.

Even though they brought back those damned lock-on crosshairs. 

We finally see what they meant by “it’s not Green Hill” as the landscape seems to have been terraformed forcibly. You know…. actual re-imaginings. Then again, the Chemical Plant showing from Monday had some real effort put into it. Of course it would. it’s fucking Chemical Plant, the darling of the classic days (amongst Casino Night at least.)

Did we really need Egg Dragoon to come back?

Hmmm …. I wonder why Silver is in. And not playable dou! Ah right CaC.

By the looks of it, the Wispons don’t seem incredibly intrusive, though the window is tiny and I can barely make shit out. They do seem fond of showing the Burst wisp which is merely a flamethrower. And I’m guessing it’s one of those horribly dated “one powerup per level” restrictions for the sake of platforming puzzles. 

It’s annoying, sure, but i’ll try to be less pessimistic. Anything is better than Boom at this point.

Anywho, time to relive some childhood memories with Bump in the Nig-…. “Produced by Ken Pontac!?” NOOOOOO! MY LIFE IS A LIE!

EDIT: I haven’t watched the new trailer yet.