Wow, so Nintendo is ballsy enough to post their business briefings on their home site now? I’ve never heard of this happening before. They must be losing their minds or… I’ve never heard of a company doing this before.

While it was pointed out that, unlike in the case of Wii, it was difficult to instantly understand the appeal of Wii U, those who purchased it, although there are issues to be addressed, have shown a certain degree of satisfaction with our product value, but since its value by nature is something that takes time to appreciate and hence cannot be spread amongst society instantly, we have yet to communicate its value to the wider public. To put it another way, we delivered Wii U to those consumers who we thought would be the first to buy it, but information has not successfully been passed on to those consumers who we think will be the next people to buy it. This must be one big factor with which Wii U could not maintain its momentum.

With Wii U, we have taken a rather resolute stance in pricing it below its manufacturing cost, so we are not planning to perform a markdown. I would like to make this point absolutely clear. We are putting our lessons from Nintendo 3DS to good use, as I have already publicly stated. However, given that it has now become clear that we have not yet fully communicated the value of our product, we will try to do so before the software lineup is enhanced and at the same time work to enrich the software lineup which could make consumers understand the appeal of Wii U.”

Hey, Iwata!? How about just admitting that NOBODY WANTS THIS OVERPRICED PIECE OF SHIT!?

Fuck man, no wonder Nintendo was on the list of supporters for SOPA! This asshole cannot seem to see that the consumers are actually intelligent people that DO NOT WANT THE WII U! And why is that? Because the consumers can get information about a product before they buy it. It has nothing to do with you “not getting the information out to the right people” but people actually getting their information from trusted sources. And what are those trusted sources saying? Wait for a mother fucking price drop or don’t waste a cent.

“Trust” being the key word because no one trusts Nintendo with customer satisfaction after getting shafted on the Wii and basically getting told to FUCK OFF with the 3DS! Oh no, mother fuckers! Look at the economy! You think people are going to rush out and buy the Wii U at it’s price point while the money bed is getting shitted on by these white folks? Hell no!

However, since now is a time when smart devices are widespread and overseas video game developers are less interested in developing software for handheld platforms, some may doubt if Nintendo can actually make it.

I swear, if I hear another damn thing about smart phones, tablets, ipods, or w/e fucking product out there destroying the abilities of developers to make a living on shitty hardware….

“Regarding the Wii U, it is now clear that many consumers have not understood its product value.

He keeps saying the same damn thing. The reason why the Wii U hasn’t sold was obviously the people not “getting it”. People understand the Wii U’s value.  It’s value equates to the same level of your IQ, Mr. Iwata. And that would be 3 degrees below whale shit.

The Wii attracted people at a glance, but it took us a rather long time to have many people understand the value of the Nintendo DS.

…………………To call you an fuckwit would not only be a waste of precious breath, but also an insult to fuckwits worldwide. The DS launch didn’t have shit that people actually wanted to play. It’s not understanding anything! YOU NEED SHIT ON THE DAMN SYSTEM THAT PEOPLE WANT TO PLAY YOU STUPID PRICK! What piece of ass cheese did you have at launch!?

Super Mario 64 DS!? I guess people didn’t understand the value of OOT3D considering it ripped your asses to shreds to go for a price drop. Asshole.

Our in-house development team will create Nintendo-like unique games on our own and various games with the help of second-party development companies. However, this is not enough to have a large variety of games, and we have to do something to strengthen our lineup.

How about NOT FOCUSING ON (lol) “Nintendo-like unique games” you fuckhead!? WE DON’T UNIQUE SHIT! What the hell was unique about Okami!? It’s art style and you have to use a paintbrush for special attacks. It bombs 2wice. Clover gets shut down. And Capcom made a spinoff for no reason.

What is with these Japanese developers that think unique video games sell!? Is this the REAL reason we’re getting a YOSHI YARN GAME!? I honestly believe so. Kirby Yarn sold like piss even though those hardcore gamers will deny it with it’s piddly 1 million sales. Half these hardcore gamers have been raised on the “just enough to get by” school system, they can’t even comprehend how much money you need to amass for this industry. Nintendo is doing Yoshi Yarn because they want to. It doesn’t matter how successful something is. Fire Emblem sells LIKE SHIT and yet they STILL want to make more of those games. And have all the balls to do a collaboration with Shin Megami Tensei. I smell failure right on target.

“The Wii U is a game console you can enjoy most with the Internet connection and the current Internet-Connection ratio is 74%, which means that almost three of four consoles have been online already. This is clearly higher than the previous hardware system we released. We will continue to inform our consumers about the advantages of using the Wii U consoles online to further increase this ratio.”

Translation: We are going to pester the ever loving SHIT out of our customers to use EVERY feature of the console! Even if they don’t want to use it!

“One of the unique qualities of the Wii U is the Wii U GamePad, a new standard controller with a touch screen. We think that, together with the high Internet-connection ratio I referred to before, the controller has the potential to make TV smart, innovate the relationship among the TV, Internet and video game console, and then expand the TV-based entertainment in living rooms.”

Why the fuck does this matter!?

How the hell do you make TV “Smart”?! I’ve never heard how this can be done! I don’t want TV based entertainment! TV IS SHIT TODAY! The only thing I want is some bad ass games for this overpriced console!

Did anyone after launch use the PS2 for dvds? Did ANYONE use the bluray feature on PS3? Did anyone care about Blu Ray? Obviously not if Sony was swinging dead last in the “console war”. Nintendo, NO ONE is going to buy the Wii U for some punk ass gimmicks! I don’t want to enhance my TV viewing experiences. I want BETTER VIDEO GAMES!

“Needless to say, the primary use of Wii U is to enjoy video games.”

Bullshit. To understand the value… wait.

“We believe that, however, these kinds of services will help people widely understand the unique value of Wii U and increase the number of people who are interested in Wii U in a family and eventually lead to a bright future of this console.”

Yeah, save my black ass the trouble of being your broken record!

LMBAO! He keeps saying the same thing about “uniqueness”! It’s like Nintendo has become so insecure about their self-worth in the world, they can only FORCE people to see how CREATIVE they can be by making junk no one cares about!

“Thinking of diversion of web services, creation of prototypes and development of independent label games, it has become more important to expand the range of software developers.”

Diversion is the key word, because I don’t want web services like this on my game console!

FUCKING GOOGLE!?

Oh, thank you for saving me money! I REFUSE to purchase any product that Google is a part of in any way. The mere fact that Nintendo is in bed with Google makes my piss boil.

1. They try to force you to use your real name on Youtube.

2. They illegally spy on you using street scanners and internet tracking technologies. And then sell the info to government agencies. I have enough reason NOT to trust the government, and seeing as Google is in collusions with them, this is gonna make buying a Wii a bit difficult.

3. Understanding that this is an application means it’s possible that it can be deleted. I don’t know. But seeing as I’ve tried to get rid of Google Chrome when my Sister moved out at one point, that won’t do a lick of good. Some random ass program called “Google update” keeps trying to install some shit on my PC. I don’t know what the hell this random shit that I manually delete to get rid of  keeps trying to put on my computer, but it annoys the hell out of me. And Google has some of the most unethical means of trying to fish out information from you, it gets to the point that I am now paranoid. Google is goddamn everywhere trying to figure out as much about you as possible.

Which…. actually brings up a question. Iwata kept going on and on and on about trying to force people to understand the value of the Wii U. And google has unethical means of tracking information on billions of users worldwide. Could Nintendo… possibly be trying to get some deal going to spy on it’s own consumers to see why they aren’t buying their pieces of shit? What sites are they going to to get their info on the Wii U and how Nintendo could use their lawlyers to shut those sites down?

……Nah, I’m thinking about it too much.

“Thank you for listening”

Thank you for not.

So, the only reason that people don’t buy Wii U’s is because they just don’t “get it”. So basically we can go ahead and say the Wii U is to gaming as Scott Pilgrim is to Movies? UhHuh, ok, good. The closest Iwata ever came to a brain storm is a light drizzle. I can’t believe this one guy is so intent on denying that the Wii U just doesn’t have good games. Iwata can’t even bullshit people so easily.

I think this whole business briefing is a PR stunt.

1. Why would Nintendo post it up on their official website for the whole world to see!? I’ve never heard of any company doing this. These “briefings” would only be seen on random forum or blog posts.

2. Why would Iwata admit fault in meeting business goals and then put the blame on consumers just “not getting it”?

3. Why is there a fucking sequel to Luigi’s Mansion!?

4. Why do they keep talking about the Wii U’s pointless features that no one is buying the damn shit for!? It’s blatant advertising.

I think it’s clear at this point. Nintendo has lost their fucking minds. Or Iwata needs to get ejected from the pilot seat because he’s steering this company into twin towers.

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