I am puzzled by the overt hatred this game is getting. Where was this bile when Lost Mind showed it had no logic to it’s content and was strictly a gameplay game? Where was this bile when Sonic Bust came out with a racially offensive Knu- … a horribly redesigned cast with no fucks given to quality control?

Actually, no. I think… the answer lies strictly with Nintendo fans. Afterall, the depths of their madness has reached critical mass and…. I believe I have an answer to that. Thy arrogance be quenched.

Recently, I watched a vid from ghetto-hog (the guy who raged on IGN twice about their hatred of the original Sonic games) as he did what was a reaction vid (can’t BS  what it is, man) on some punk British asshole named “Nintendo Life”, who made a video on why Sonic Forces is terrible. However, he spent the video spreading propaganda and forcing some comedic gestures to compensate for his lack of any real critique. It’s clear at this point that the internet isn’t even hiding it’s trollish behavior. They can’t even pretend their disgust is genuine. 

Why is that? This guy’s complaint is that Sonic is too fast. And I ask when does the stupidity end? One of the major selling points was that Sonic was the fastest thing alive. He was a tech demo to show the faster processing power of the Genesis, for Bast’s sake. Criticising Sonic for what it’s known for is an oxymoron. Then again,  Nintendo fans have terrible reflexes thanx to a steady diet of slow paced Nintendo games over the years that anything with more than 30fps scares the hell out of them. Why else would they be insane enough to proclaim that Brawl is superior to Melee? That would explain the half-baked praise of Colors and Lost Mind.

Ofcourse, he tries to inflate his credentials by saying he’s owned the Master System (A Game Gear), ignoring the fact that the Master System lacks any processing power close to that of the Genesis, that which Sonic was designed for. He also goes on to say the wisps provided no opportunity to use them… which means the wisps have been improved. Instead of being the situational powerups they’ve been for previous games, they’re now at the mercy of your own discretion. As well, he goes on to say that Mania is superior by default. .. just by showing a year old trailer. Yep! A mere trailer is an argument! And judging by ghetto’s comment about the dislike ratio, I think it’s safe to say the Sonic fandom is fed up with the Nintards. And good lawd, did he really bring up 06?

I missed the SDCC panel on Mania, but what they talked about actually gave me hope. So Robotnik’s machines are acting automa-…. autotono-… by their own free will. Generic as all hell, but actually gives this game something to work with. Hopefully Metal Sonic as a final boss? Also the prospect of a 3D special stage, while counter-intuitive, also gives me hope that they’ll reuse the one from Saturn 3D Blast…. why not?

But back to this Forces thing, it seems like most of the toxic Nintards have taken up their pitch forks and are crucifying the game every chance they get. You know something is wrong when the doggone CaC is coming under fire for merely existing. But…. I think I know why. For years and years, the Nintards have longed for Sonic yo be bought out by Nintendo. Not because they believe Nintendo can do better, but because they would feel some kind of victory was gained. 

During the N64 days, the Nintendo fans saw PlayStation as an insurmountable threat. No matter how many overrated Platformers from Rare they turned out, Sony just kept getting a larger and better library. When the 6th gen hit, Sega was knocked out of the console war and went 3rd. And then, America was shocked when Sonic games would start cropping up on Nintendo consoles. Some Sega fans were mortified and highly upset by this revelation, that Sega would dare sip tea with the enemy. Even so, Sega wasn’t openly despised by the public. Infact, many embraced this. The Nintendo fans saw this as the alliance they needed to defeat Sony. Notice how those same nimrods jumped on the “Wii60” nonsense back in 06? This was desperation on their part. 

This was their mentality throughout. They gathered all the Nintendo characters, but also squeezed in the Green Hill boys. Ignoring that Sonic games had popped up as exclusives on thevHD twins, Nintendo fans swore Sonic belonged to them. That they were entitled to it exclusively. Overtime, Nintendo fans had become obsessed with the idea of appropriating Sonic the Hedgehog only as a trophy, however. As some means of enriching Nintendo rather than actual Sonic fans. Since the Wii had “won” 7th gen, the nintards had nothing to worry about. With games like the Olympics, Brawl, Smash 4, and embarrassingly Lost Mind, the fools convinced themselves that Sonic had already become a Nintendo IP. And they relished in every moment of it.

But now… why does Forces blow sand in their cunts? Well, as we’ve already discovered, Nintendo fans care about content more than they’d admit… and Forces moves away from what i’d call the “Levity Standard”. 

Notice that Nintendo fans don’t talk about Metroid? Or Resident Evil? Or F-Zero? Star Fox? Nah, they always talk a great deal about the happy go lucky crap. Mario’s unparralel greatness, to Wind Waker’s artistic splendor. To them, Nintendo is not only great because of it’s magnificent gameplay (that they fail to care about), but it’s also being able to maintain that greatness without going the route of “grimdark”. Nintards are always ready to bash on the likes of Call of Duty or similar shit for being anything other than rainbows and fuzzballs. It’s a religion to them. When Iizuka went insane and swore to coddle the mentally disturbed, he made sure to hit their sweet spots by having the games from 2010-2015 be as gay as possible to appease their sensibilities, convincing them and no one else that Nintendo’s way of content worked for all.

Forces, however, rejects the Levity Standard altogether. And this chaps their ass like you wouldn’t believe. Now their only defense is to overly promote Sonic Mania as superior by default, while taking w/e measures they can to convince Sega to forgo this route entirely, and that is to criticize everything. From the boost mechanic that no one ever opposed to the mere inclusion of a CaC feature. Afterall, the content has balls, whereas theirs have yet to drop. It’s like some painfull reminder to them that Sonic was for the cool kids, and they’re not invited.

As soon as a demo drops, the game is  automatic SHIT! How amazing is that? That they can now judge an unfinished product for being “too fast“. This is them throwing a tantrum that Sega is no longer trying to appease them, and is trying to reach out to the real Sonic fans.

Silly, mal-adjusted fools.

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