Over the course of the Lost Mind meltdowns last year, I’ve come to realize that those 8 posts over the REAL reason people hate Sonic the Hedgehog…… is partially bullshit.

The one statement I will retract is that fans were to blame for any of the mess this franchise is in. The blame falls squarely on Sega’s shoulders. I apologize fully for those idiotic statements. Most of that was a bit of frustration over the constant demand from Sonic fans wanting Sonic to be overhauled to ridiculous extremes after 2006. Most of all, the desire to have Sonic become Mario. And now, you ALL know why.

Looking over Lost Mind’s content and odious bit of Nintendo themed DLC, it’s clear that Sega has completely abandoned Sonic fans for Amma knows what. They’re either targeting children or general Mario/Platformer fans (which is a broad range of age groups anyway) or having developer goals of making it easier to see rings again (haha). It’s either they don’t know what the fuck they’re doing, or they don’t give a shit. Since Lost Mind bombed, it’s a clear indicator that no one wants a Nintendo/Sega partnership ever again, even the UK got tired of the Olympics bullshit. Why it happened in the first place obviously fell on Nintendo’s shoulders as they take everything the internet says as the gospel. The extra publicity from desperate Sonic fans was sure to boost their own fanbase’s numbers without any real hint of suspicion or doubt from the fandom at large. In the wake of 06’s demise, they would take anything. You have to admire how manipulative Nintendo is when it comes to targeting the internet fandoms. At least until they jacked up the prices.

I feel that the Yoshi’s Island DLC was Nintendo’s desire to troll Sonic fans. Nintendo is a VERY immature and spiteful company when concerning the internet. Most japanese developers are hateful of the internet. It’s like it’s in their blood. They can’t handle what some nameless nobodies on the internet are saying about their games. So what happens is (more often these days) is that they start making games to literally piss you off. Or as one guy puts it “IN YOUR FACE NINTENDO!

Apparently, Nintendo must’ve been PISSED that Lost Mind did not sell Mario Galazy to Sonic fans, and that Sonic fans actually FEARED the assimilation into Mario’s world. Thus, the Yoshi DLC was created. Sure, we could say they were advertising a new Yoshi game, but this kind of marketing is illogical and also quite dickish. Yoshi games simply do not sell. What more promotion would you need beyond those crappy Nintendo directs? If Sonic fans won’t buy Lost Mind, they damn sure won’t buy a Yoshi game. No one does, anyway. The Yoshi DLC makes absolutely no sense unless it is concerning Nintendo’s desire to “surprise” people.

This, actual Sonic fandom…. THIS is the kind of bullshit you’d have to deal with from Nintendo. This is a spiteful ass company that has no concern for improving a franchise they have little control over. And why should they? Nintendo has their own problems to worry about (their OWN games aren’t selling as well as they used to). I’ve said before that even though Sega does not care about Sonic games, to some extent, they take fan input into consideration. If the fans do not like something, they take that bullshit out. This is the one thing that baffles me about Sega. They show nothing but sheer animosity to the dirty American scum, but still listens to our fan input! It;s enough to make your balls explode in hysterical confusion!

You will NEVER have that kind of sway with Nintendo. If you don’t like Lost Mind, but this partnership continues, you will get MORE Lost Mind! Why is that? Because Nintendo, in the depths of their insanity and inflated sense of self-worth, will make some psychological diagnosis about you, the fandom, that says that you are incapable of understanding the fucking genius of that game! So, they will continue to make more Lost Minds until you just fucking accept it with open arms. If they wasted enough cheddar making a goddamn HD port of the one Zelda game that literally KILLED the Gamecube, you, Sonic fandom, will NEVER have a decent Sonic game again. If they made a game you actually like, they will kill it off and you will never see it again.

This is how Nintendo currently operates, and is a big reason why this partnership should’ve been protested. That… and of course the Sonic/Mario assimilation over conflict thing that no one wants to see. Sega, despite their rampant stupidity and anti-western consumer practices (PSO2 comes to mind ohhhh so much), they at least demonstrate the capacity to listen to complaints and concerns about quality, and every game seems to be a result of that. Sonic Unleashed, we like the day stages, hate the werehog, Sonic Colors is just the Day stages with a couple of stupid puzzles, not to mention reduced difficulty when all it is is not-aggravating level design, and removal of bullshit like that QTE infested tornado minigame. You see this in Rush Adventure where the game feels much better designed than the first. Enemy placement isn’t a pain in the ass, levels actually look like Sonic levels and not some random mesh of military bases at sea, in the air, and in space, and music actually sounds like Sonic music. Course… no one really complained about Rush but I digress. Sonic 4 Episode 2 fixes most of the flaws with the first episode, mainly the physics and whatnot. Sega despises their western fanbases but can’t seem to distinguish between western and Japanese complaints (hehe). Nintendo…. you’re lucky enough to get that much (the art style in TP saved Zelda alone!) After they’ve pleased you, they go RIGHT back into asshole mode where they try to force their intricate genius on you.

Nintendo is like Hollywood. Where good ideas and dreams die in their misguided desire to show the world their penis.

I’m still….laughing in the most insane way imaginable. I thought I would never see the day when people are actually demanding that Sega NEVER partner up with Nintendo again. It shows 1, the effects of Sonic 06’s horrible…ness are starting to wear off (the reason people wanted Sega to go to Nintendo was primarily because of Sonic 06 since Nintendo actually delays their games, for an eternity no less), and 2, shows that Nintendo is not this perfect company that can do no wrong. Nintendo is in a crisis where fucking MARIO isn’t selling their consoles. How the hell did anyone expect them to “save Sonic”?

It must be that anime portion of the fandom. Anime fans never believe in the concept of “redemption”. If one company fucks up one time, they lose faith almost instantaneously. The company has jumped the shark and they can never recover. After Sonic 06 (or was it Shadow?), the fandom saw that Sega was unfit to make a good Sonic game. So they looked to Nintendo to save the franchise. After Lost Mind, however, how will these fans perceive Nintendo now? Many of them are shell-shocked! Many will try to come up with excuses and create various forms of damage control (such as the redundant “Sonic is for kids” to gloss over it’s horrid content) or shift blame to poor sales of the console (How does one explain the horrid sales of Sonic Colors, I wonder?).

What I find funny about all of this is that people find more good ideas in Sonic 06 than they can in Lost Mind. They cannot find a damn thing positive about Lost Mind! What does tat really say? That it’s just another shallow game, or is proof that Nintendo’s direction has been wrong all along? No one is willing to admit that because Super Mario Galazy is far too overrated and praised over the internet. Despite all the proof that the galazy direction has also been wrong for Mario, no one is willing to admit it.

Not one bit criticism has been thrown Nintendo’s way since Lost Mind bombed, however. Same thing happened when Other M bombed (it’s ALL Team Ninja’s fault!). Oh No, Nintendo can never do any wrong! If you noticed, every development decision is completely and utterly “un-Sega”. The update that removes the need for touch-based wisp powers is proof of this. Sega never thought touch screen controls would make a better Sonic game (they’ve had 4 games to experiment beyond minigames, they didn’t find touch controls at ALL interesting considering how simplistic they were). It’s abnormal to suddenly have an interest in gaming technology that has existed for well over 8 years. They never did anything ambitious with touch screen technology beyond some weird ass dating sim (I think). It would have to be Nintendo’s idea because, as publishers of the game, they would need to show the “value” of that piece of shit controller! How are the touch controls on All-Stars Racing Transformed? Right, you actually have OPTIONS for controls! Nintendo games BARELY have options for controllers outside of Smash Bros. or games they don’t care about.

Sega never had a problem with good graphics (Sega was ALWAYS about good graphics, so simplifying the design makes absolutely no sense to them). Has any Nintendo brand game thus far taken any real advantage of the Pii U’s HD capabilities? All of them that came out right now look like they could’ve been done on the Wii (goddammit, this BS3 is making me a graphics whore. I don’t even have an HD tv, I just know Ratchet and Clank games look like sex in comparison to the Pikmin.) The decision to make Lost Mind have a simplified art/graphics style would have to have been Nintendo’s demands. Nintendo has such wild ass ideas about what makes a good game. Good graphics would not be an equation because, as you can see, out of all games they ported over, they used fucking Wind Breaker for an HD remake. WWHD is so simple to port over to HD because it is the most simplified graphical Zelda game known to mankind!

Why the overly simple and kiddy villains like the 6 deadly retards (based off crappy Japanese demons?). Sega is such a whore for western mythology. The most Japanese inspired stuff they have is modern day stuff like Yakuza. Japanese culture weirdness is usually kept out of Sega games outside of Yakuza (and Phantasy Star Universe). It would have to be Nintendo’s idea because they put Japanese shit into FUCKING ZELDA AND METROID (The 3 dragons in Skyward Sword are the most Asian looking mother fuckers I’ve ever seen. And don’t get me started on how japanese Wind Waker looks).

There are more design aspects that point to Nintendo’s raping of the series rather than Sega. The Yoshi (and upcoming Zelda) DLC is more than just a mere confirmation. The bizarre desire for Iizuka to attract a completely different audience for a franchise he (and everyone else at Sega) despises is not Sega, but Nintendo’s dick. If you wanted Mario fans, you can easily make an entirely different platforming series. You don’t use a series you don’t care about especially since it doesn’t appeal to the Japanese in general. Sega is crazy, infuriating, and spiteful, but they aren’t that stupid. Nintendo on the other hand has been making illogical production decisions since 2009-10 with Wii Music and Other M being the spear headers for Wii’s decline. They’re lucky that 3DS is doing “just average” at this point.

The Olympics games had been on a steady decline since the first entry. The first game was a mere novelty, finally we have Sonic and Mario in the same game together! But as you can see, people were clamoring for a REAL crossover ever since Brawl brought those 2 into conflict with other. It never fucking happened. Why? It’s not like Sega isn’t into fanservice, after all the All-Star racing games are all about wetting a Sega nerd’s whistles. But Nintendo is all about trying to be “different” and about “surprises”. It wouldn’t be surprising to see a REAL Mario and Sonic crossover, one that actually has a CLASH between both universes. But we’re ALL surprised at that fucking Yoshi DLC. And no one liked that surprise, did ya?

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. Be careful for what you wish for. Mark my words, knowing how these bastards operate, you will NOT get that REAL Mario/Sonic crossover. Platformer, fighting game, what may have you. Smash Bros. is the closest you will ever get.