Well, even though I’ve only watched the questionarre portion of Iizuka’s panel, I’ve learned 2 important things from the event.

1. Sonic fans are hopeless nerds which doesn’t bode well for the series.

2. Iizuka is an even bigger prick than I gave him credit for.

When the loudest voices in a fandom are the hardcore nerds, you can stop hoping for the better. X’ers. They aren’t even a threat at this point. These are nerds. Nerds ask stupid and pointless questions such as “does Tails Doll have any friends”. Or “what happened to Froggy!?” or “Will we ever see Chocola Chao again?”

Nerds only care about the least important details of any given franchise. Storm isn’t claustrophobic!? Death threats are necessary. Spiderman have organic webbing? Peter Parker’s intellect is greatly reduced. Never mind getting rid of Spiderman’s weaknesses, it just takes away from another element that made Spiderman “perfect” in their eyes.

You’d be sitting around asking the question “who gives a fuck!?”. Exactly. No one should give any fucks about small details such as Amy’s redesign being drastic from everyone else (because she isn’t nude).

It’s not all nerd shit, though. A minority of normal people were in attendance, only to receive passive-aggressive fuck you’s. There were some decent questions put up, like if Shadow could use Chaos Control with or without an emerald. But another one was if they would ever put Mario and Sonic into a platformer. Iizuka, being the chronic liar he is, would say “Mario and Sonic are too different from each other, so no”. This despite the fact that he has dramatically slowed Sonic the fuck down in Lost Mind for the sake of exploration, intricacies, fetch quests, and timed power ups for the sake of collectables, just like goddamn 3D Mario. Right down to the damn run button. So if you can go ahead and turn Sonic into a slightly faster 3D Mario, what’s stopping you from making a Mario and Sonic platformer? I mean, Nintendo already did it before.

Got some splainin to do, Iizuka.

It’s not like we didn’t have crazy and illogical match ups in the past.

Though some we’d like to forget…

See, the problem with the Japanese is that they pay too much attention to details instead of finding a workable solution to give the fans what the hell they want. This despite the fact that you can throw logic out the window in Sonic Heroes just so you can make that “team” bullshit work, Mario and Sonic are just too different from each other to find a scientifically sound and decent solution. I know that fat ass Big the Cat could not keep up with Knuckles of all people. That’s for damn sure.

I can already think of a way to put Sonic and Mario in a platforming game via this.

There. Problem solved. EVERYONE IS SLOW!

Funny how they asked a question about SA3 only for Iizuka to respond “I answered this question last year”. What an asshole. “Perhaps someday”. No one wants to hear bullshit. We want a (de)confirmation. Are you making one or not?

Western developers, for all their greed and scheming, don’t bullshit when it comes to announcements. They let you know ahead of time if they’re making a game or not. The Japanese devs, the big ass liars they can be, will sit there and say “mmmm…. maybe”. Give us a straight answer. You don’t have plans for an SA3 or SH2 (for whoever thought Heroes was the shit)

Another thing that breaks the camel’s back is a fan asking a legitimate question about having more than one playable character. In question, Shadow the Hedgehog. Ofcourse, Iizuka, in a condescending tone, says that shadow is playable in the Olympics games (which goes in hand with his bastard comments from a previous interview where he refers to them as “sub-characters”.) What made me proud of said fan was when he exclaimed “IN A REAL GAME!“. Iizuka could only say “I might consider it”.

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I don’t even know what to make of this. Either he’s tired of getting mixed messages from fans, or he’s been spoiled by only using Sonic as a playable character. Because we can see for ourselves that Iizuka personally hates the idea of having multiple characters in a Sonic game. The whole “Sonic-Only” mantra of the fans was his greatest excuse to not include them in future games. The wisps becoming a standard is only to use power ups to substitute for other characters. The Parkour system is nothing more than a glorified Espio, the Red wisp should be Tails, drill Wisp is Knuckles, Music note Wisp is gay shit, etc. The way he tried to brush aside the Shadow question shows his aggression toward the mere idea of another character besides Sonic being in the games. It’s as though he’s adopted the psyche of the crazy ass fans who demanded less characters. Or it’s that Iizuka personally wants other characters to justify his puzzle/fetch quest/exploration addiction, but knows fans will demand blood, so he has to make due with Wisps to sidestep the absence of other characters.

Sega has to be the most arcane game company of all time. You think they’re listening to fans, but they’re really not. I’m baffled by what the fuck they’re doing and saying now. They’re using fan reception as an excuse to pursue their own ambitions and creativity, or to appease their publisher (nintendo). The whole issue of “not being inspired by X-treme but Mario Galaxy” screamed bending over to Miyamoto’s shriveled cock. The “sub-characters” comment was the most back-handed remark I’ve ever heard from Iizuka’s mouth. It’s like he’s annoyed that people LIKE playing as other characters. Being saturated with “Sonic-Only” games for the last 5 years takes a toll on people, and fans expect something different after a while. It’s not fucking unheard of, KOF didn’t get any attention after the stagnation of using the same graphics while Street Fighter felt new with all their different installments. And if you’re gonna pump out yearly Sonic games like this, then expect people to be exhausted.

What kind of prick goes on to say “He might consider” putting in fan favorite characters for a Sonic game!? You damn well BETTER make the others playable for the next Sonic game. If you’ve been living under a rock, Sonic is on no one’s radar. There are so many people that barely knows the series is still continuing after 06. You may wanna consider thinking about doing your absolute fucking best to please what little fans you have left for the series. Everything starting with the Pii U exclusivity announcement screamed anti-consumer, and everything about that was announcing your desire to “save the Pii U”. No one wants the Pii U, and practically forcing Sonic fans to buy one just to get their precious Sonic sequels is an under-handed and bullshit tactic that will bite YOU on the ass. It’s the most anti-consumer thing I’ve seen from Sega second only to the Shining Force take downs. Every announcement for Lost Mind screamed “bullshit”. No one wants bullshit, and that’s all this game has been thus far.

Bullshit touch screen wisp powers,

bullshit exploration,

bullshit easter eggs for no reason

Bullshit story

Bullshit worlds

Bullshit nerfing of Tails and Robotnik

Bullshit no online on console, but online for portable

Bullshit hyping of the villains

Bullshit Candy land Zones

Bullshit Red Rings

Bullshit everything.

Iizuka’s asshole persona was on display, and no one can seem to detect it. Of course, you could already see his asshole persona back when S4E2 first came out. How after Sonic 4, he would go back to what he wants to do because he THINKS he pleased the fans already.

The only good thing that came out of this mess was dis-establishing that Knuckles suddenly turned full retard after S3K. The whole “different universes” shit is a Capcom brand retcon that  justifies their laziness in not wanting to put Hyper Sonic in the games. That’s Soul Calibur bullshit, but otherwise I can now take solice in the fact that new Knuckles is some bizarre freak accident, and not the bad mother fucker of the 90s.

Classic Knuckles. Still awesome!

That reminds me. This probably confirms all those rumors about “Sonic being rebooted”. Unfortunately, it’s a shitty reboot that started back in 2010. Generations is not canon, and everything that happened before Colors is no longer relevant.

Other than Iizuka’s assholery, we also got a new level that looks like Zone 3 of Rush Adventure, and a full, translated cutscene where Pontac and fucker who’s name I can’t remember… made dialogue you could actually stomach!? No glorifying the 6 deadly retards and more about why Sonic is a dumbshit. So I guess this makes him the “fake ass Oni Trigger”?

W/E. Sonic Boom basically confirms everything I’ve feared about the direction Sega (and Nintardo) is taking the Sonic franchise. Unlike 2008, they’re more about pleasing themselves than the fans.

To think…..I used to respect these assholes….

Long Live Classic Knux!

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