Stare into the face of testicular fortitude.

WARNING. The following post is made by a raving Knuckles fanboy, so be aware that all logic and rational shall be suspended for this one time.

I figure it’s not best to bother you with any piddly ass history lesson about why I love Knuckles so damn much. I don’t think it’s wise to brag about having… almost all of the Knuckles comics that came out before the archie merging. I think it’s best not to go into why I wanted to see the Sonic OVA, or why i’m biased toward Sonic Underground. Or why I wanted a 32X.

But let me tell you that back in the day, Knuckles was the man. Imagine a character that was a true blue bastard, and a little too Bugs Bunny for anyone’s taste, and then having some red bad ass knock his teeth out when he least expected it. Knuckles was the guy that put the Mary Sue in check. He was the main man that everyone was excited to see appear in cartoons. He was the guy people fought over to play at a the kiosks.

And that last one I made up, but who… fucking…. cares!? It’s Knuckles the Echidna bitch!

Damn, it’s good to be a classicfag, because you know back in our time, Knuckles was nobody’s bitch. Infact, when you think about it in close inspection, no Sonic character gave off the impression that they were there to coddle the little cubs, they were designed to appeal to BEASTS! You could look at a good majority of the character designs and they always gave off a clean sneer at the viewers, letting you know right then and there that they are not to be fucked with. Sneers were “cool” in the 90s I guess. These days, they’re signs of cocky teenagers since these days, teens are complete monsters. Oh, no wonder people hate Sonic games, all the main characters are teenagers. Well… except Amy and Tails, but that’s aside the point.

Knuckles was a pretty big ass deal back then. A lot of times, he was marketed as the main reason to get a couple of Sonic games, especially with the lock-on tech on the Genesis and Knuckles being just… versatile in every way imaginable. All the kids thought it was awesome how he made Sonic his bitch, and taunted him about it every time he snagged his bitch ass in one of his traps. He gave off the impression that he was better than Sonic in a lot of ways, especially since being exposed to media in which Sonic was always presented as this invincible hero, Knuckles was an essential rival to have in the series. Someone other than Robotnik to keep Sonic on his toes. And we weren’t gonna have Metal Sonic all the time (or at all, we only had him in like 4 games, 2 of which didn’t have a lot of exposure, Sonic Fighters and Knuckles Chaotix). I mean, if you weren’t feelin Sonic himself, he was the other option.

These days, you rarely get to play as Knuckles in games considering the idiotic sectors of the fanbase are technically enabling “Neo Sega” to rape the series for all it’s worth. When you start to learn what they’ve been doing since the “good ol’ days”, you can imagine why I don’t have the motivation to play as Knuckles anymore.

One of the things you can tell has changed significantly is that the artwork Knuckles appears in does not portray him as a fun loving opposition to Sonic, but one where he has a giant stick up his ass.

From Laid back…..

To TOUGH AND ANGRY!!!! LOOK AT MY RAGE!

Permit me to bullshit you on Zero Gravity’s artwork whereby he looks more like a brutish fuck wit.

And while I’m sure I’m gonna get angry comments about

“Well you didn’t include so and so artwork where Knuckles is smiling”

because X’ers cannot see beyond the surface values of any argument,  the influx of “angry knux” arts we see in comparison to “cool knux” arts cannot be ignored. But w/e.

And why switch to an “angry knux” style of expression for most of this character’s artwork?

Something be weak in dat upper story. Somewhere along the lines, the creators felt there was a need to completely fuck up Knuckles the Echidna, and as irrational as it may sound, that Sonic Boom pic of Knuckles being a roided up fuck wit…. set me off. See, all of this started with Knuckles’s return to Sonic Adventure 1…. apparently, where Knuckles was once again fooled by Robotnik. Knuckles’s apparent “gullibility” was parodied in the fandom under the farce that “Knuckles was always stupid“. The logic behind this “fact” was never given, but I can only assume it was due to having followed Robotnik’s orders from S3K. And then was given life again in SA1. So, it’s established that Knuckles is of course…. gullible.

But see, gullibility and stupidity aren’t exactly the same thing. Stupidity is lacking in any and all sense of intellect. Mental dullness, if you will. These were not qualities displayed by Knuckles up until Sonic Advance 2. Roughly 2 years after SA2 in which Knuckles displayed more of a laid back though serious nature. A sense of duty and quick thinking when it came to protecting what is rightfully his. But stupidity? Not one ounce. Of course, there’s always the ego-fueled debates about “shattering the master emerald into a million pieces was not really a smart plan because there were alternatives to that idea, he could’ve just yadda yadda”, yeah, he could beaten Robotnik up, then Rouge could sneak off with the M.E. Ignoring that every alternative would have other consequences, this was actually the smarter option because while the emerald is shattered and gives Knuckles less grounds to protect it, it also makes it useless to anyone else, thereby ensuring that he rounds them up for himself. Cause if you’ve got 2 people after your master emerald, what better option would there be at that moment?

And who cares? He’s getting his.

Anywho, the gullibility that Knuckles displayed wasn’t really a trait so much as it was a repeated story ark due no thanks in part by other media outlets like cartoons and comics which parroted S3K’s story over and over again. Sonic Underground had Knuckles fall for Robotnik’s apparent deception twice in the series, not really sure how many times the comics did it, then again I haven’t read any of the issues where Knuckles was deceived by Robotnik. Just assuming, of course. But see, this was a common trait in the 90s. When you had no other source material to access beyond what was already accessible at the time, the same storylines get redone over and over again. Protoman’s “evilness” was a repeat of Mega Man 3, the only time Protoman was ever evil, if he was. There’s also the Street Fighter cartoon blah blah. Fuck all that. See, the problem with Knux’s gullibility back then and now is that there was actually a good reason for the deceit. Knuckles is usually isolated from the outside world because of his overwhelming devotion to his duty and history, so his naivety in trusting Robotnik is very fucking understandable. And even in Sonic Underground, the first time we see it is basically S3K’s story ark re-imagined, and the second time was out of desperation and because of his grandfather’s insistence that they align with the buttmeister himself.

I’m not too familiar with Triple Trouble’s storyline, but SA1 is a bit of a strange case. Since Knuckles had some exposure to Robotnik’s character, you’d think he’d be going on the logic of “once burned, twice shy”, but that doesn’t happen. Then again, you’d have to give him some credit for not completely buying it until he mistook a chaos emerald for a shard, which makes sense.

“You know, it’s just the darndest thing to happen!”

What DOESN’T make sense is Sonic Advance 2 in which he’s a boss fight in Zone 5. All I can gather was that he was kidnapped and then “somehow tricked into fighting Sonic”. See, where the fuck does the logic and rational pop in for this kind of shit? If they had said “kidnapped and forced to fight Sonic”, then it would’ve made sense considering Amy isn’t rescued at all during the game, and we could’ve assumed Knuckles fought at the threat of Amy’s or w/e. But no, Knuckles is just “somehow tricked”. Tricked… tricked…. and tricked. Knuckles’s gullibility was obligatory and forced in this game, and shattered any hope I had left for the character in this series. Because how do you go from Adventure 2 where he was for the most part a smooth criminal… to that of a complete fuck wit?

My cries will tear at your ears.

Then, we go to Sonic Battle which… oh Amma… First, he was the weakest character gameplay wise (which was blatantly told to you by Sonic himself that he was too slow to be competitive). Now, Knuckles was completely comedy relief in this game. He was short tempered and was quick to hit somebody. Not to mention his “rivalry” with Sonic was ignored for him to be the butt of Sonic’s joke entirely. How fucked is your life? Through out the game, it was an onslaught of Knuckles bashing, and I couldn’t stand it. Not only was the game a giant animu shit fest, Knuckles was the designated dumb fuck who just gets pissed at everything and everyone.

And after this point, his personality takes another drastic turn. Now he’s just angry all the time. They don’t even bother trying to trick him over and over again, lets just make him a flaming idiot for the rest of the series! Boy, aren’t we fucking GENIUSES!?

Well, just play “Sonic and the Page Masters” to get your “not Knuckles srsly” fantasy trope! BWAHAHAHAHAHA!

Ol’ beaver tooth asshole…

Heroes, he wasn’t really bad. He was actually normal for the most part even though they completely ignored that he was a loner and didn’t give a shit about the world ending as long as his shit was safe, but w/e. I guess that’s one good thing about Heroes.

Shadow….hurrrrrrrrr, same thing… almost. For the most part, he was insignificant. Was a tad irked by his actions in the game’s “true ending” where he brazenly chases after Robotnik for no reason.

It’s TIME TO DUDUDUDUDUDUUDDU……oh that meme sucks…

Riders, goddammit. Ok, so a guy who understands technology decently enough to operate several devices on his homeworld, and some of Robotnik’s devices needs to know how things float? I get that Tails is a motor mouth who uses nerd speak, but even Knux knew something about anti-gravity technology if he could go and lead the gang to Gigan Rocks in the sequel, knowing everything about its location, it’s history blah blah, what gets me is his forced rivalry with another muscle head, Storm, just to have a trio rivalry in the same vein as SA2. It just doesn’t work. And it really bothered me when Wave brushed him off as just a “red mutt”. Does Knuckles not have a reputation as a Guardian or something? You’d think after having been involved with saving the world a good 7 buttfucking times by now would’ve given him some merit. But for the sake of needing a dumbass that’s not named Big the Cat, sacrifices must be made.

He’s really pressed about introductions, isn’t he?

Speaking of Cats, again… Blaze the Cat was for all intents and purposes created to give Knuckles a scabbard. She’s about the same in personality. Duty bound, isolated, loner, that kind of jazz. And of course, we’ve got Knux getting left under a pile of rocks. After having Cream insult him for not being bright. …..Right before he gets pissed and starts punching random things.

….You get the idea.

Sonic 06, Knuckles’s comedy acts were forced up the ass. Especially given that none of his moments were funny or his overall appearance was completely arbitrary in comparison to fucking Amy of all bitches. I mean really, when his only real worth in the whole fucking game is some stupid shit between him and Rouge which goes fucking nowhere ever again, you’d have to wonder why they bothered putting him into the game. Granted, it had a fucked development history, but they’ve been working on destroying Knuckles for a looooooooong time.

Colors DS is practically the same shit as Sonic Rush. He just gets pissed off. And then with Generations, like I said before, him getting knocked on his ass by Amy for comedic effect….. ugh.

Seriously, what the fuck is Sega’s obsession with AMY!? This bimbo gets more love than TAILS of all people. You’d think with the pervy ass culture of Japan, Rouge would be getting more appearances in the series. But I forgot they’re a bunch of pedophiles, I’m surprised Cream doesn’t have many appearances these days.

Irregardless of what transpired in Sonic Chronicles (because this one game in the pile of shitty appearances makes all the fucking difference in the world considering a western company made it), when the majority of Sonic characters had the persona of “coolness” and/or “bad ass”, they choose Knuckles as this… sacrificial lamb of sorts out of some estranged necessity of a “strong dumb ass” character to constantly fuck up whenever they needed comedy relief. After this point, they just left the gullibility out and just turned him into a dumbass that gets pissed off all the time and just goes venting his frustrations on things that he can never beat. It’s gotten to the point where I can’t stomach that piece of footage from Lost Mind where the animals are molesting him or w/e.

The question keeps popping up in my mind. Why Knuckles? Out of all the mother fuckers you could’ve used for that role (Hell, use Vector, I don’t give a fuck), you pick Knuckles.

Well, the obvious answer being that one flanderization led to another, making Knuckles’s gullibility as a running gag was good for about a few games and one ruined localization of Sonic X, and then they flipped that into just plain stupid and made that the official persona of Knuckles.

You can look at this pic and tell he’s a hot ass mess. And plasticy

Course, considering my paranoia, that obvious answer then doesn’t translate well into current logic. Current logic suggests that Sega listens to their fans (which is pretty bullshit, but universally accept bullshit no less because of surface values and what not). So if that’s the case, then why is Knuckles still a fucking retard? Fans of this character bitch and moan, me included, about Knuckles being nothing more than comedy relief. There’s evidence to suggest that they want Knuckles to be portrayed in a similar fashion to the Archie comics or even to the Dark Brotherhood, or just not this. Sonic’s personality flip flops because fans don’t want him to be a mary sue apparently, which was evident in Sonic Colors and Generations, so now he fucks up in Lost Mind, but Knuckles remains unchanged in virtually all of his appearances. Even Tails gets more personalities than Knuckles, Tails is getting more smart assed with Sonic than usual which is…. strange, but refreshing. Hell, Amy is less of an irritating bitch (I think), but that might be proportional to her lack of appearances (I…. also think). Knuckles, for some reason, doesn’t change… one… bit from the flaming idiot side. Only when western folks get in control of Sonic will Knuckles actually be intelligent. Why is this? Why do Japanese authors see the need to destroy Knuckles the Echidna?

…….Well….

It might be because Knuckles is African.

Child of the Sun, biznatches! Though I hate sunlight, mon!

WAIT! Don’t go yet!

Now, there are a lot of indications that Knuckles was a character that was created with an African essence in mind. Though more stereotypical in nature, we’ve a character with dreads (if you want to call them that), has a chest symbol based on nike, shoes based on Jamaican colors, and the creator behind the character intended for Knuckles to have a Jamaican accent. Not to mention his original name was supposed to be “dreds”. Then you got his theme songs being hip hop. Now, fuck all your research and shit about “not everyone in Jamaica is of Afri-” who cares. Many of Knuckles’s aesthetic and atmospheric attributes are typically associated with those of African descent. I don’t know any white people who are associated with Nike shoes or Jamaica. And Emenim damn sure don’t represent the rap scene. The only complication with that comes from SA1 where his ancestry is established in South America, even though Angel Island is more representative of Africa, what with an egyptian/kemetic Zones and giant volcanoes, but that’s aside the point. Anywhere not named USA, stereotypes reign supreme on the outside. Especially in a country as isolated as Japan. And Japan has a much worse habit of gaining their stereotypes from American produced media and take things on surface value alone. The majority of the shit you on American tv featuring African peoples?

Well, besides the greatly-exaggerated crime rates, you’ve got the jack ass comedians that make fools of themselves as well as the “big angry black guy” stereotypes all over tv. This is a large majority of the time. And we already know that shit is nearly impossible to escape unless you turn off the damn tv. And even without, they already have notions that Africans (and hispanics) have lowered US literacy and intelligence rates. Basically, they think we be some dumb mother fuckers.

So, you’ve got a character with African attributes/features/ just w/e, in the hands of a company that is PROVEN to be racist, the results would speak for themselves. Knuckles’s character is possibly derailed based on some shit none of ya’ll would agree with.

To be honest, I think Knuckles was the only character designed to have some ethnic background based on reality. Everyone else seems safe, especially that fucking Amy. But that only serves to fuel Neo Sega’s own growing hostility toward anyone that is not Japanese.

That said, black folks please stop watching anime. It’s officially bad for ya.

…….I don’t even know how to end this. I can just imagine the shit that’s comin my way after I press dat publish button. Oh well, here goes.