Pretty sure everyone could relate, but I find the entire Metroid storyline to be ass. Metroid, like a lot of franchises that got their start in the 90s, has a poorly developed plot that was marginally inspired by the film “Alien” with Segorny Weaver at the helm. Its why you have a female lead fighting aliens in space. Some of you might think “what more do you need? Its you fighting aliens in space, eliminating monsters and space pirates!” Its just very bare bones, and its last minute attempt at a Resident Evil style plot regarding government conspiracies is half-assed at best. But the most glaring issues I’ve always found with the games is Samus’s connection to the Galactic Federation, her status as a bounty hunter not amounting to shit, and the concept of space pirates in general being led around by a giant space dragon. The Space Pirates don’t have a lot of fame or shine in the Metroid franchise, and its never been explained how Samus, while being raised by the Chozo, was found out by the Federation to ever join them in the first place. That shit ass manga doesn’t do a good job, either. That and Samus being a bounty hunter feels like a superficial title as all she does is odd jobs for the federation anyway.

The basic outline is that Samus was orphaned during an attack on a space colony which has her stranded on Talon 4, the homeworld of the Chozo race, bird like aliens who teach her how to survive and beat ass. Then somehow, she winds up with the Federation and meets Adam, and does missions for them up until Adam’s brother, Ian Malkovich, was sacrificed to save civilians on a burning ship. She couldn’t handle that and thus left his command. This event wasn’t traumatic enough to stop her from working with the Federation on several missions, ironically enough. Most notably defeating the renegade super computer, Mother Brain, which was controlling the space pirates and their leader, Ridley, while they took Metroid specimens. I don’t know exactly why they needed the Metroids, but they’re dangerous so fuck it, go to Zebes and rip ass.

Then we have the Prime series which is all about the Federation messing around with Phazon, some space magic shit… and I can call it that because how the hell does a space mutagenic substance cause a “dark world” to form on Aether? But it proves that Metroids can mutate and become bigger threats than they really are (Dark Samus).

So that leads into Metroid 2 where Samus is tasked with the eradication of the Metroid race on their homeworld of SR388… all save for the infant Metroid.

“THE LAST METROID IS IN CAPTIVITY. THE GALAXY IS AT PEACE”

Which makes no sense because there was never any indication that the Metroids, by themselves, were a threat unless those pirates or space goop was involved, and by the time Fusion rolls around, its proven that killing off the Metroids was a very stupid idea.

Anywho, Metroid 3 hits (Super Metroid for you slowbros) where Samus gives the baby over to federation scientists for study. And then they get raped to crumbs by Ridley, forcing Samus to go right back to Zebes (because in reality, SM was a remake of Metroid 1 until Zero Mission hits). So Samus goes through Zebes to kill off the pirates, Ridley, and Mother Brain once and for all. As she does, she runs into the baby Metroid that almost kills her, but stops itself after recognizing its the mama that saved it. During the fight against MB, Samus gets curb-stomped until the baby metroid saves her, gives her the hyper beam, and dies from MB itself. Then Samus kills MB, and escapes Zebes before it (somehow) blows up.

That brings us to Other M where the less said would be better, but Id be remiss if I disregarded it. Samus is healed up by feddy doctors before presenting to the Fed council about the end of the Metroids and Space Pirates (Thanks for the help, btw, you lazy federation assholes). Samus runs into the bottle ship where Federation forces led by Adam were there to retrieve BOW research data, preserve the cloned bio-weapons, and capture Madeline Bergman (or MB), this Resident Evil shit. While Samus is preoccupied with thoughts of Adam’s dick in her ass, she contributes to nothing of the overall mission. Instead, Adam and Anthony do most of the work. Samus just mops up the leftovers. By the end of the mission, Adam sacrifices himself (unnecessarily might I add) to destroy the unfreezable Metroids in Sector Zero, and Anthony prevents the ship from crashing into… something. They find Bergman and apprehend her, destroying the Rogue AI MB, and succeeding in preserving the Bottleship. Samus goes back to the ship, fights a cameo boss, and retrieves a memento helmet, something that is not even distinguishable from any other marine helmet, right before they blow up the bottleship. This woman was so thirsty, she risked her life for a goddamn helmet! Ofcourse, the federation kept their BOWs.

Metroid 4 (Fusion) rolls around, and the federation asks Samus to babysit their scientists on an expedition to SR388. But she gets infected by the X-parasites, originally the prey of the Metroids. Now that they’re extinct, it messed up the food chain and the Xs populate out of control. Samus is infected and had to be given a Metroid vaccine that would kill the X in her body. But her body becomes malformed and she turns into an amphibian creature with an arm cannon. Bionic Space Labs then gets attacked by the SA-X, Samus’s armor that came to life thanks to the X already in the suit, and we have a Resident Evil outbreak on the ship. Samus has to go in and get things under control since now, she is immune to the X-Virus. However, the Federation was actually gathering data about the X Virus and was planning to use them as potential bioweapons, trying to stall Samus’s progress in getting stronger and wiping out the BOWs altogether. But because she called an on-board computer “Adam”, the damn thing fights its programming and helps Samus to destroy the space labs once and for all. Samus fights the SA-X and a Metroid creature, regains her powers and human form ala weird ass digestion practice, and escapes the ship with Adam on-board.

No, I did not play the 3DS game. I tend to forget it exists.

Overall, this story is pure shit. The galactic federation wants bioweapons just for GP. You got no more space pirates to deal with, so who the fuck do bioweapons benefit? Just to play god? Ok! The villains have no motives for why they wanna fuck shit up, both the space pirates and the federation. And what they do is shit the bed. All Samus does as a source of conflict is wipe their sheets. But… this is Nintendo. Their ability to tell a competent narrative is dependent on how Japanese the content is. But they’ll be damned if someone else tries to give them any ideas. Remember that thing about Retro Studios having an origin for the Metroid species and how Sakamoto sabotaged it with that ass comic he made? Way I see it, the Japanese treat their entertainment as their culture, and they are fiercely protective of their culture! Anytime someone outdoes them with a foreign spinoff (like say Donkey Kong Country or the Sega Genesis in general) they see it as an attack! An attempt of appropriation. So for years, they had a habit of sabotaging their American counterparts to make sure that their homegrown Japanese version is superior no matter what. Might explain the cease and desist orders on fangames, too. Not really protecting their Copyrights per say, but protecting their superiority in content production. Cant allow those baka gaijin to think they have better ideas than us! Prolly why Sega doesnt go after Sonic fangames because they’re quite dull in terms of content.

I got off track. Anywho, if I were in charge of the Metroid franchise, here’s how I’d do it.

Samus’s backstory as an orphan trained by the Chozo would be maintained. That in itself isnt bad. What I would remove is her service history with the Galactic Federation. Not for nothing, now. There’s a good reason for that.

Rewriting Metroid, I’d start it off with the first game (Call it “First Contact” or some shit) where the Federation is concerned with colonization of different planets. Zebes seemed habitable, so that’s their first destination. Federation scientists would establish the Aurora Units (From Prime 3), one per planet. These units were highly advanced super computers that had the ability to link themselves with the core of certain planets and create stable, habitable atmospheres and environments for humans (similar to how they worked in Mass Effect Andromeda). So, they install the Aurora Unit, but they require a massive amount of power to work efficiently, yadda yadda. So when they turn on, they emit a massive energy… “aura” that could be felt throughout the universe. And unfortunately, that attracts the attention of the Metroids. As Metroids feed on energy sources (in MY idea, it doesn’t matter what the source is, they can eat it up), the Aurora looked like a full course meal. Oh, and they can breathe in space. So, several thousand Metroids migrate from SR388 to Zebes and go on a feeding frenzy. They suck the scientists dry and start attacking the Aurora unit. Then, something goes wrong, and the Metroids all fuse into the Aurora, turning it into Mother Brain. And since it’s already plugged into the core of the planet, Mother Brain starts rewiring Zebes’s atmosphere to something habitable to Metroids. This sends the other creatures on the planet up the walls and they become hostile to anything and anyone. Because their habitats are destroyed, they will kill on sight.

So the mission is for the Federation to hopefully repair the Aurora unit and recover any possible survivors. Ian Malkovich and Anthony are the only 2 Federation Marines sent in to complete the task. The Federation wants the Aurora unit preserved at all costs. And Adam is overseeing the operation. But… Zebes also gets another visitor, IE Samus. The story in the game would be told through Ian and Anthony, but you would be Samus throughout. Your objective would be to eliminate Mother Brain at all costs. And Samus’s actions would be questioned by Ian and Anthony who thinks she’s getting in the way, halting their progress. The 2 grunts find that if they destroy the Mother Brain, it would cause the planet to fall apart because the Metroids that fused with it would’ve used it to drain the planet’s core of it’s energy, growing massively and more powerful overtime. And… its a risk Samus is willing to take.

By the end of the game, she eventually destroys the MOther Brain, but sustained heavy damage during the battle. The planet begins to blow, so Samus rushes to her ship. However, she damn near collapses from pain, and Ian tracks her down by following broken fragments of her suit to her ship, and points a gun at her. He demands to know who she is and why she destroyed the Mother Brain. But as Samus is a silent protagonist, he gets no answers. Instead, the area rumbles, and Samus’s suit falls apart, revealing herself to be a woman (because Fan Service). Ian is stunned, but a cave in separates the 2. Samus gets on her ship and leaves while Anthony finds their shuttle and escapes with Ian before Zebes blows up. They report to Adam that the mission was largely a failure, though he relents that perhaps it was inevitable. Changing a planets atmosphere to suit their own needs would bring consequences. That kind of shit. So afterward, Adam ask Ian if he ever found out who their mystery robot was, and Ian smiles saying “whoever she is, she’s a fox!” “Wait, whoa, she’s a chick!?”

The next game would be “Metroid Season” based on Metroid 2. Ian seems to be obsessed with Samus now.

Anywho, the Federation was on scavenger duty as they retrieved remnants of Zebes as well as a Metroid corpse. They study the creature and find that these bastards were attracted to the energy given off by the Aurora Unit on Zebes, and thus travelled across space to feed on it. They have a basic rundown on what Metroids are and what they can do. What they find out are two things. Metroids possess a telepathic link with each other, being that they’re nothing but flying brains with vaginas for mouths. Also intriguing is that the energy they suck dry from their prey is converted into Phazon, a protein that can keep Metroids alive for days, similar to how a camel’s hump works. As well, they discover that Phazon as a substance has incredible energy readings, and could be used as a renewable energy source. If they got a hold of Metroids, they could revolutionize their energy sources. Batteries, power cells, engines would be a thing of the past. The most potent fossil fuel in the galaxy would be in their grasp.

So, the Federation draws out a new plan for SR388. Capturing the Metroids for study and reproduction for energy purposes. Ian and Anthony are against the idea, having seen the shit they pulled off with just a super computer means going after Metroids is a horrible…..HORRIBLE idea. But a woman shows up, her being Madeline Bergman (Not the actual one from Other M, but one of Samus’s military design with the short hair.) and tells them both that they’re… well…. pussies. Her being the hardass military type, she will lead the charge into SR388 with a new test suit that the Federation developed from the fragments of Samus’s suit, which Ian had brought with him. Madeline and Ian were old friends before random BS that caused a rift between them. Otherwise known as shit no one cares about.

Anywho, Madeline would use the test suit to fight off Metroids and basically capture them as well as escort the scientists through SR388. The suit Madeline uses would be based on the one Samus wore in Prime 3. She would be able to combat the Metroids without the risk of being sucked dry, but in addition to that, Madeline would be able to extract Phazon from the Metroids themselves, storing it in the suit for later use. That said, Madeline would’ve been essential to the mission’s success.

But there’s one thing they didn’t count on. The Metroids would’ve possessed a parasitic attribute. Remember I said that they’re flying brains? Yeah, they would be able to attach themselves to a host and could either suck em dry, or take control of their bodies, becoming the new host’s brain, and fusing into their bodies. When that happens, the Federation teams that headed into the planet become unwilling slaves to the Metroids. They then gain knowledge from their victims and, being the hiveminded bastards they are, they would plan to return to the Federation and unleash hell.

And Samus returns (heh) to nip this problem in the problem. And hell, she’s already a janitor for the Federation in the actual canon, might as well keep that tradition alive! Once again, you’re murking Metroids while the story is told through the Feddy grunts. Madeline seems pissed that Ian has nothing but nice things to say about her, saying that since they screwed up, he hopes that Samus can fix everything.

By the end of the game, however, Madeline would’ve been attack by an army of Metroids that cover her body and compromise the suit by fusing into it, hoping to take it over. Since the suit was already connected to her nervous system, Madeline shuts down and faints as the Metroids drain the suit dry. Meanwhile, Samus eradicates most of the Metroids and infected marines on SR388, but cuts her little genocide mission short to save Madeline and Ian.

Ends on a cliffhanger.

In comes Metroid Conviction which would be based on Fusion

It opens up with Madeline waking up in a medical bed, having terrible headaches, and then finally seeing a mirror where she sees her face looking like something from Species.

…..Its a horror movie about a woman who turns into an alien… nevermind..

Madeline is confused and horrified as she screams for help. But no one answers as she leaves the operating room. Madeline finds herself on board of the Bionic Space Labs, though it looks like a war zone. Blood and corpses were strewn about (Thats gonna hurt someones feelings, Im sure). Instead, she starts hearing voices in her head. As she goes through some of the halls, Madeline runs into a few Metroids. But instead of killing her, the Metroids communicate with her telepathically. Essentially, Madeline had become a human/Metroid hybrid, and could talk to Metroids.

So in this game, you would be playing as Madeline Bergman with abilities of Samus with a new gameplay mechanic tht allows you to use Metroids to explore and kill enemies. As well, during certain segments of the game, Madeline will find survivors, but she’ll have 2 choices. Kill the scientists to gain new powers, or let them live and help them escape. Its something that determines the ending of the game. As well as game difficulty.

As for Samus? She takes the role of SA-X and is hunting you in real time. All Metroids and Metroid Hybrids are a threat in her eyes. Ian is on board trying to save Madeline, though he’s lousy with that job. Madeline comes to find that the Metroids want to use her to kill Samus, absorb her powers, and become an unstoppable killing machine that would help them put the universe on the menu. Their goal is to multiply out of control and be on top of the food chain. Its in their nature, they cant help it. Madeline, being part Metroid, can’t help but sympathize with the Metroid plight, but her human side keeps coming out to reject them, angering the Metroids. All the while being pursued by Samus, Madeline is fighting with her 2 sides.

By the end of the game, you’d have 2 possibilities. 1, if you killed most of the survivors, Samus would be convinced that you’re a monster and tries to kill you. But sinc Madeline is too powerful from all the food she’s eaten, she beats and eats Samus alive. Ian arrives just in time to find Madeline with a dried husk of Samus on the ground. He tells her the cliched “I know you’re in there” approach and wants Madeline to come back to her senses. Unfortunately, Madeline is too far gone and kills Ian. Then, with the Metroids in tow, Madeline escapes and becomes a scourge of the universe.

2, if you saved the survivors, Samus stops trying to kill Madeline only for the Metroids to try and kill them both. Madeline gets the idea to lure the Metroids to her while they initiate a self-destruct sequence that will kill everyone onboard. Ian hates the idea, but Madeline doesn’t want to live as a monster. So, she tells them all to congregate on her while Samus and Ian escape. And…..BOOM!

BSL is destroyed with Madeline and Metroids on it.

Ian returns to the fedeeration and they hold a memorial service for Madeline, while Samus continues her genocide against the Metroids. None of this convinces the Federation to stop pursuing Metroid and Phazon research, now thinking of using telepathy to control Metroids.

I havent thought further ahead of 3 games, but the idea is to keep the plot focused on the Metroids. None of this Space Pirate, X-Parasite bullshit. As well, Id want to keep Samus at arms length with the Galactic Federation instead of being their errand girl. Have her be a complete mystery to the Federation at large. As well, the fans would be allowed to interpret Samus’s personality for themselves rather than some colossal jackass dictate who she is based on his own conceit.