Tag Archive: Wreck-it Ralph

I’m always amazed at how quickly people want to shush out any “drama” regarding the Yoshi Island DLC from Lost Mind. As if the subject of content is not worthy of discussion. I’m aware that Nintendo fans can’t really say much about DLC because they never had true online outside of pokemon (haha), but jokes aside, DLC has always been a controversial topic for any game. Not just how it’s handed out, but what the contents are. DLC, no matter how much I want to deny it, has the power to extend the life out of a single game as it builds on what you love about the game you bought (and then got bored of I suppose).

Yoshi’s Island builds on NOTHING about what anyone loves about Sonic Lost Mind (if it’s loved at all). It makes people run away in fear. That said, it’s easy to see why no one wants to talk about it, though. Yoshi’s Island simply isn’t interesting. Period. It’s a clear testament to how unpopular Yoshi really is.

But it should be discussed on the matter that it is threatening Sonic the Hedgehog. And that’s no bullshit. I wonder how many comments will read “LOL THREATENING WTF”.

First off, I’ve had a problem with Sonic being the corporate ad-whore for a long time.

Sonic has the most appearances in this film, I swear.

Wait, can’t say this because “corporations always take advantage of whatever is popular to draw in more people”. It happens all the time. Oh wait, Sonic’s not popular anymore, WHY THE FUCK IS HE BEING A WHORE!?

It’s something that baffles me. Sonic is used to promote shit like car insurance. Why? It just seems like an arbitrary thing to do. I mean for Cheerios like back in the day “RACE FOR THE TASTE!” cause it’s food. It’s a consumer item. Car insurance? That’s something you need to actually THINK about. And what I really find funny is that everyone is all about kids, but a commercial about car insurance is for adults only, so why is a “Kid’s icon” in an adult commercial about car insurance?

Wretched Ralph, it’s not so much the movie, but the fact that Sonic seems specifically attached to Ralph and Disney for no good reason. I mean afterall, Ralph gets a guest appearance in no other game than Sonic and Sega Racing Transformed. All I can ask is why? Who wanted Ralph’s bitch ass in this game?

He’s not a Sega character, hell he’s not even a REAL video game character. Course neither is Danica Patrick, but I have no idea why that bitch is in either. Does anyone even care about these 2 people!? Where was the demand for these 2 characters? It makes even less sense considering the non-existent popular of the Sonic Racing series altogether and exclusive presence on HD consoles makes the sequel pretty inaccessible to a plethora of people

Yeah, pointless rambling, right? Wrong. The question is why is Sonic general being used to promote products and/or media that have nothing to do with Sonic? Especially given when the Sonic series is in the shitter? I can understand why Comic book super heroes are being used to promote shit that doesn’t involve them like the Avengers (shit is EVERYWHERE now), but Sonic? Sonic isn’t appealing this day in age. Using him to promote product is illogical. Unless there is a stigma amongst marketers in which hardcore gamers will buy anything as long as it caters to their gaming “culture” in some way, it makes no sense. And I say this because while Sonic is busy sponsoring other companies, Sonic fans get shit. It bugs the fuck out of me that the most Sonic fans can look forward to is Sonic going around promoting everyone else’s bullshit while we can’t even get a decent game. I mean back with the Cheerios commercials and back packs and shit, that was ok because we were still getting some fucking awesome games out of the deal. But now? What’s the point? “Oh look, Sonic and Amy made a cameo in the simpsons” who gives a shit? Are we gonna get actual quality again?

So you got a franchise that is, for all intents and purposes, maggot food in which marketers from other companies can simply dance around the grave? I know it’s too soon but think about it like Paul Walker. We already got an advertisement for Fast 6’s DvD release and it hasn’t even been a month… and already those cock-suckers are trying to make money off the corpse! “Paul Walker Trust fund” or some shit. Eh….. I just know that example will make some one rage. “How DARE he compare a bad actor to a video game character!”

But see that’s the thing. The franchise is simply not popular anymore, and Sega is NOT intent on delivering quality Sonic games, and are killing the franchise as we speak. No company in the world has respect for video games, nonetheless Sonic of all games. Turning Sonic into some universal promotion tool is asinine and quite frankly makes my piss boil. Cause what does that really do for Sonic fans in the end? At this point, we all know Sega really isn’t hurting (that badly, I suppose). They got all the cheese for a restaurant (literally and figuratively), they got cheese for Phantasy Star and Yakuza (shit, the fucking spinoff Dead Souls has more “soul” than Sonic Generations), and they got the lawyers for youtube  (they’re at it again, btw.) What does Sega hope to gain from these moves when all they do is shit on Sonic anyway? Is it some half-hearted attempt to appeal to hardcore gamer stupidity by saying “we still care, don’t be mad at us”?

……Well, it does make for some funny parodies, I’ll admit.

All I’m saying is focus on fixing Sonic instead of having the blue bastard tell people “hey, I’m shit, but totally go out and buy some rip off car insurance!” Sonic fans LOVE cheerios, but they’re not focused on car insurance.

That reminds me. I actually read this smart ass remark on facebook recently (Think it was that SA3 page with everyone losing their shit over the “White Jesus” remark hehehehehehe). What was it uh… am I mad that Sonic is in Brawl?

Funny thing about that. Sonic “worked” for Brawl for a large majority of reasons that Yoshi’s Island does not.

One, Smash Bros. is already a crossover game that not only features Mario but tons of other Nintendo characters for the chance to beat the literal shit out of each other. Shit, they invited Solid fucking Snake. Secondly, Sonic was heavily DEMANDED for Brawl, unlike Yoshi’s Island DLC which was thrown in there for shameless promotion. And you wanna know why? It should be obvious.

Who the fuck would want to miss the opportunity to have Sonic and Mario beat the shit out of each other? AM I RIGHT!?

That is the PRIMARY REASON people wanted Sonic in Brawl. The crossover dream match that EVERYONE dreamed of. Not this piddly ass “friendship” from gay ass Olympic games that people got fed up with. No, Mario and Sonic are in it for BLOOD! That’s why people LOVED when Sonic got into Brawl, and partially why people don’t mind his second inclusion in Smash 4. Cause now you got Sonic with MEGA MAN! …….Still would’ve preferred MMX…

No one can deny this is the reason people wanted Sonic in Brawl was to have Sonic fight Mario. You can’t bullshit anyone on it. Even Nintendo of America knew that was the reason.  Look at the US release trailer from back in 08.

Look at the very end of that trailer in which you find Sonic and Mario clashing. THAT is the crossover people really want.

You know why? Because it has everything to do with “branding“.

Sonic was created to show off the hardware of the Sega Genesis, but was (maybe indirectly) branded as a “Mario Killer”. Everything about Sega was branded as a “Nintendo Killer”. Part of Sonic’s Branding is being a polar opposite to Mario. And this was going on for a long time up until the Dreamcast ended, so naturally people thought the rivalry was over when Sonic started popping up on Nintendo consoles.

So why did people care so much about having Sonic in Brawl to beat Mario to shit? Because that rivalry is still relevant to why people give a damn about Sonic to this very day (and I know some Nintard trolls are gonna use that). I mean shit, when you’ve got a character branded to be a “Mario killer” AND grab up marketshare at the same time, that shit leaves an impact on people. Cause lets face it. Nintendo owned everything at the time. The NES was a juggernaut. Then Sonic and the Genesis (and Kalinske) came about and crumbled their empire. Sonic had The power to make a God bleed.

Actually, lets back up. Why do people care about Mega Man being in Smash 4? I don’t ever recall Mega Man being branded as a competitor to Super Mario Bros. Capcom never made their own console to compete against Nintendo. If anything, Bomberman is more appropiate as Hudson made the PC Engine (exclusive to Japan, mind you). Capcom only had arcade boards but never their own console. Deep down, people feel that Mega Man games were on par or of better quality than Super Mario Brothers as well? Capcom IS the only 3rd party company to meet Nintendo half-way on their own turf. Street Fighter 2 and all. So… yeah, I guess Mega Man’s fan support makes sense (plus the lack of Mega Man service from Capcom was making them thirsty). So if fans think Mega Man, Mario, and Sonic should all be involved in a free-for-all, then deep down, people felt that Mega Man was a competitor to Mario as well despite being a 3rd party character through and through.

And that IS the case. Making a “platformer” (and I use that term lightly) on a Nintendo console means competing with Nintendo for platformer fans. So putting a Mega Man game (like say Mega Man 9) on the Wii means having a Mega Man game compete against New Super Mario Bros. (both operating from the same mentality of retro throwback solidifies the competition).

So if Mega Man was considered a rival for Mario despite not ever representing a console he called home, why the fuck are people so desperate, determined, and above all HORNY AS FUCK to squash the beef between Mario and Sonic!? You cannot separate the series from it’s origins no matter how much you’re tired of hearing about that rivalry. All these pussies going on about “NINTENDO AND SEGA ARE FRIENDS, TIMES HAVE CHANGED”  can get fucked for all I care. Times can change all they want, but human nature has all the time in the world to stagnate. People LOVE this rivalry and they want to keep it alive.

And I love the expression of how “kids these days will never know about the 90s rivalry or care, so stop buggin us about it”. Mother fuckers, the kids don’t even know the damn franchise exists. The ONLY people who pay attention to the Sonic now are the same people who LIVED during that heated rivalry (Or jumped in during the 3d stuffs, w/e). 20 years AIN’T that fucking long of a gap! If I ain’t wrinkled yet and still breathing then I STILL want Sonic living up to his branding! It ain’t like DC and Marvel where they’re ANCIENT in comparison, people keep going around saying “gaming is still young”. If that’s the case, then dammit, WE are still young!

What…. does this all…….have to do with the Yoshi’s Island DLC? It’s a spit in the face of the people that still give a damn about Sonic’s Branding. This is the Identity of the Sonic Series. And it is at stake. And no, it’s not just because of the DLC.

No it’s not like Kratos or Freddy in Mortal Kombat 9.
No it’s not like Link or Spawn in Soul Calibur 2
No it’s not like Darth Vader or Yoda in Soul Calibur 4, or Ezio in 5
No it’s not like Cole, Taro, or Kuro in Street Fighter X Tekken.
No it’s not like Akira, Pai, Jacky, or Sarah in DOA5U.
No it’s not like Sepheroth in Castlevania Judgment.
And no, it’s not even like Ralph or random nascar bitch no one cares about.

All of those games have something in common. The guest appearances/promotions, whatever…. they appear in games which maintain a semblance of their own identity regardless of their presence. Soul Calibur doesn’t give a shit that Link is fighting with a “Gay Pink Fairy Sword”, Astaroth is still Astaroth regardless. Shit, Kratos fits right in Mortal Kombat. When playing any of those games….. you still know… it’s Mortal Kombat. You still FEEL… that it’s DOA (in more ways than one).

I don’t need to tell you, the fanbase doesn’t need to tell you, the critics don’t need to tell you, youtube doesn’t need to tell you, trolls don’t need to tell you. Sonic’s Lost Mind is a goddamn Mario Galazy clone. You don’t feel Sonic playing this game. You see it with all the gimmicks and arbitrary badniks, but all in all, that is nooooooo Sonic game. Everyone knows it. Even ur mom knows it.  The Yoshi’s Island DLC is pouring salt on an open wound. It just rings it on home that Lost Mind was made to coddle the people stupid enough to pay 300+ bucks for a Pii U. A blatant confirmation, if you will, that it is a game that doesn’t bother to rely on Sonic’s own merits beyond cheap imitation imagery. And the DLC is used to sell you Yoshi and Zelda.

Sonic fans get shit.

And you know the divine comedy of it all? Nintendo knows you’re stupid enough to let it slide.

These companies don’t really care about Sonic, they use it to boost themselves. What do you think Nintendo is doing? Using the MarioXSonic rivalry to boost interest in their own games. The Olympic shit isn’t even about the rivalry and is more about them collaborating in sporting events. But people got suckered in for the crossover (and people got tired of getting burned). But Nintendo knows how to swindle hardcore gamers into playing their games. They keep this “game” running just so they bring you back in. Nintendo knows hardcore gamers are easy to manipulate. They’ve been manipulated so much on the HD console side of things, now they support that bullshit EULA in saying “WE DON’T OWN THE GAMES WE PAID OUT THE ASS FOR!” Nintendo treats Sonic as something they can ride the coattails on to sucker in desperate Sonic fans looking to them to “fix up everything” when all they’re doing is making things worse.

People have let Nintendo get away with so much up until now that Nintendo thinks they can get away with ass fucking Sonic. Sad part is they probably will since no one cares about the state of that franchise aside from the fans. But seeing as all corporations are operating from a dictator mindset at this point (they’re all just my little pawns to manipulate), we are powerless to stop the ass fucking. Nintendo is not a company that listens to business sense. Pikmin 3 exists, afterall. Lost Mind failing means nothing to them.

Oh well, Sonic Fan Games, here I come. Dat Fusion shit is niiiiiiiiice.

*sigh* I miss Rouge

I had the misfortune of watching what I would like to call “Wretched Ralph” last week, and… well, it would be redundant to state how disappointed I am in any production, whether it be games or otherwise (especially coming from Disney), I have to say some things actually surprised me about the film. Sega completely whored themselves out in this film as many characters, especially very obscure ones like that blue bitch from one of the Shining Force games and the Rhino from Altered Beast, along with a House of the Dead zombie. Also shocked they put the Kano fatality from Mortal Kombat in the movie. Even chuckled at the Rail Shooter where the player is portrayed by a robotic monitor with the player’s face on-screen, being labeled the “first person shooter”.

Overall, I see nothing about the film and how it relates to “how far games have come” or “how much we’ve grown up with video games” or any of that gay shit I read in the reviews when this film first came out, I just saw a typical Disney flick about a supposed “misfit” who becomes a hero. Disney never leaves their tropes behind.

The twist, however, is that Ralph’s character remains a misfit to the very end. He stays the bad guy who gets “mistreated” by the in-game npc’s, but so as long as chipmunk looking Sarah Silverman likes him, he is alright with the job.

The theme of the film is be satisfied with your status quo, even though it’s shit and you will never become anything more than a bastard who is tossed into the mud. It’s basically a mis-guided “message” that Disney is known for, but not misguided in the same sense as prior Disney films where the young are taught self-destructive values such as the superiority of belief, but so much so as this movie is directed at the wrong audience. The status quo is reserved only for those within the business of game development.

When you see games like Devil May Cry, Resident Evil , Sonic the Hedgehog, Metroid, Zelda, Final Fantasy, w/e you can name…. you can see a straining and detrimental fluctuation of content. What would’ve been the fluctuation of Felix’s content rather than Ralph being the good guy for once? Would the in-film audience actually want that? They’re used to fighting against Ralph’s shenanigans, but now he’s suddenly a good guy, wtf? This is the dilemma Sonic fans have had with Robotnik for well over a decade. 1998 up until 2008, that’s 10 years of Robotnik being the good guy to the point of a running gag. And then we’re jumping right back into that nonsense after a mere 4 years.

People always talk about “consistency” when reminding those of why Mario has never had a bad review. And regardless of how annoying Nintendo fans can be, that is the only thing they’re right about, just not in the sense that they think. The content remains consistent. Bowser is always the bad guy, and people are fine with that. Mario is always going to save Peach and people are fine with that. No one enjoyed Mario playing the role of a Janitor even though the roles of the characters remained the same, the changes in what they do to achieve their goals were completely awkward and strange. So the idea of Ralph becoming the good guy “for once” is a stupid idea. As soon as he wins his medal from a game he had no business being in, the gaming world became imbalanced. He unleashed some sort of evil onto the world. It wasn’t a natural state of being. Ralph’s desire to be a hero for once… is the fundamental demonstration of developer or publisher “creativity/innovation/originality”, what may have you. It brings down the house.

So I would not recommend this movie to normal audiences or gamers…. but to those that are in the business of making games. Don’t break the status quo, dammit! I don’t want to team up with the likes of Sigma in Mega Man X, I want to kick his bald ass all over the place.

I am so tired of buying sequels to racing games and being disappointed by them. First was Mario Kart Double Dash. Then one of those Need For Speed games. Next, Zero Gravity, REALLY anticipated this game only to be horrifically let down. And now, it looks like Transformed is going this same route.

Granted, the game is an improvement over the original in various areas. All of the tracks are not triple repeat variations of the same level, Sonic Heroes is not over-represented, And Sega decided on more diverse franchises for courses. Though I assume why there aren’t 3 different versions of the same track is because the tracks themselves change per lap. The game feels like more of a Sega celebration game than the last entry. Panzer Dragoon, Shinobi, Golden Axe, After Burner, wow. They put out the REAL SHIT that Sega is known for. Yet they still keep Billy fucking Hatcher.

Still, all the spectacle in the world couldn’t prevent some major design flaws of the game that just…. brings down the fun factor by a large percentage.

1. Stupid control set up.

Sega continues to piss me the ever-loving fuck off with the lacking ability to customize your controls. I’m not used to the Playstation brand controller, so I would enjoy a layout that doesn’t hurt my hands. Instead of that, you can only change the shoulder buttons. And those are used for gas and drifting. First off, I’m aware that most racing games out now have used the shoulders for gas, but it’s so uncomfortable! Especially since the sticks are not in the dominant thumb positions, so it feels like you’re stretching your fingers and thumbs apart to play the game. I hated that bullshit the most, one of the reasons I stayed away from the Playstation brand and one of the major reasons playing God Eater is a pain in the ass. Developers just won’t stop forcing you to use the fucking sticks. Call me a D-Pad purist, but D-Pads don’t break on me. They feel more controllable than sticks do, especially since the stick is in a position that confuses my muscle memory.

For example, hold a Playstation controller with both thumbs on the face buttons, D-Pad and all. Look at your thumbs. They’re pointed straight, right? This is the natural position your thumbs would be when playing games like this. If you wanted to turn left, you direct your thumb to the left. It feels natural, no? That’s how I felt playing GCN games.

Now, put your left thumb on the left stick. Look at the position of your thumb now. It’s slanted slightly. Now, if you’ve been playing games in the dominate thumb positions, muscle memory dictates that turning left would be “natural”. However, your thumb is slanted, so it would be more like turning “upper left” instead. If that’s hard to grasp, then TLDR, I fucking hate this bullshit. I wanna use the D-Pad. It’s not like I race in the air that much in the game. I wanna use the face buttons for gas. But then that would impact the “trick” stick. Fuck the trick stick. Just do like you did in the previous game and stick the brake, drift, and trick shit on the same damn button, and let me use the left stick/D-Pad to enter the directions for the tricks.

Playing the game feels pretty cumbersome with these controls. It’s just very uncomfortable for my tastes.

2. Tricks don’t work right.

Simply put, if I let go of the right stick, STOP FUCKING SPINNING AROUND KNUCKLE HEAD!! This shit has happened so much and cost me so many races. I left that shit go 4 seconds before I touch the damn ground and sometimes, they keep twirling about trying to impress the other racers with their Olympic level BS. And I bought a brand new controller for this game, so it ain’t fucked sticks.

3. Transformations are not easy to control.

The jet ski portion is a more sea-sick variant of the car, but it seems Sega once again goes the realism route and applies “physics” to how your jet ski flows. It turns slowly and/or goes all over the place and helps you crash into walls. Not to mention pulling off tricks is a little more difficult as some levels make it difficult to see how close or far from the water your character is hovering over. A lot of times (and this REALLY pisses me off), is the occasions where if your jet ski drives up on the side of a ramp, it topples over and turns you the fuck around, pointing the wrong way. This has happened on so many occasions, it’s infuriating.

But hey, at least you can improve using those jet ski’s! That ramp shit hasn’t been a pain in my ass the last few days. But FUCK YOU when it comes to the planes! Flying in a racing game has NEVER worked since they first tried it with Diddy Kong Racing. First off, it feels like you can’t even speed up very well. Tricking is stripped away in favor of Barrel rolls, and drifting feels completely fucked up. You don’t even have a true sense of direction as to where you’re supposed to go half the time. Yeah, you may get some of those blue arrows, but other courses (that creepy ass NiGHTS course especially) gives you no real sense of direction. Instead, you get those nightmare fuel goats and… shit. It’s like all the rules that apply to the car and the ski were removed in favor of trying to turn these segments into mini-piloting simulators. It’s a mess.

4. Fuck Mimi.

This bitch is getting on my last nerve!

5. Wretched-Ralph is not important in this game.

You know, usually when a game produces a guest character, the game gives those characters some kind of hospitality. Link gets his theme and win theme, sets of weapons, everything. Darth Vader gets his Death Star. Sonic and Snake both got their own stages, music themes, trophies, stickers, etc. They tried to make those characters feel like they always belonged in some way.

…..Eh, I don’t really care that much. Ralph is Disney’s attempt to brainwash gamers into becoming bigger Disney fans than need-be. So fuck him. 😛

6. WHY did you change unlocking requirements!?

I bought this game to get my hands on Joe Musashi…. only to have Sega’s balls in my mouth. In order to unlock Joe Musashi, I have to pay in stars. How do I get stars? I must complete some of the most blood boiling challenges I’ve ever had the misfortune of taking a part in for racing games, second only to F-Zero GX in sheer frustration. It wouldn’t be so bad if I didn’t need at least 85 fucking power stars to unlock Joe. Son of a bitch, man! In the previous game, the system was simple. Just grind race for tickets and buy your characters, courses, music, etc. You didn’t have to do all of this crazy shit and passively require the player to complete A-Ranks in each mission to get all the characters. To get everyone, you’d need at least 165 stars. See, I lost interest in trying to unlock Green Hill and cracked SA2 with a gameshark. But I’d have to hack my damn PS3 just to unlock anything. Fuck that! I want my characters NOW you son of bitch!

If you have a decent system for unlocking characters in a previous game, don’t fucking change it! Since Sonic is for the kiddies now, make sure THEY can do it too! Shit man, this is why I hated having to unlock things in racing games. Developers always seem to put some asinine conditions for you to go through just to unlock anything, now I have to buy my characters with shit that’s literally hard to come by and replenish. Especially with the taunting of C and B ranks only needing you to be in 3rd place, but A rank mandates 1st place. What the fuck, Sega!?

Last time I buy a racing sequel…. ever.