Johto was a beast and you know it.

I rule you.

Wait… Pandora’s Tower is out! One more before I go away for a while to feed my last Rainfall addiction!

You know, it’s wild how even after remakes and a disappointing (to the masses) 5th gen, people still hold steadfast that Gen 2 of the Pokemon series were terrible games by the notion that “Johto is tiny”. Well, Pokemon fans have a petty tendency to blow shit out of proportion, it’s no surprise why they would believe such horse piss. Pokemon fans tend to be easily pleased by big worlds and feel let down when one isn’t super huge (afterall, Unova was one big goddamn circle, and no one likes it).

But I enjoy how everyone trashes the games for several reasons that had no real impact on anyone’s enjoyment of the games. If anything, I find the DP and RS games to be severely overrated due to everyone having power trips in the “METAGAME”, because lets be honest. The mons introduced in RS and DP are overpowered as shit.

But moving on, the things I find funny about Pokemon fans and their gripes with GSC (or Johto shit in general) are numerous. I could talk about the several innovations that GSC brought to the table that no other game has truly done yet (we don’t get new typings anymore, for one) or how you didn’t have to wait for a special edition to get both legendaries on one cart anymore (because finding people to trade with was nigh impossible and expensive until DP) or having a second region to go through was damned orgasmic, or being able to fight a previous gen player character with a preset, but the one thing that tickled me was this.
“The Gym leaders sucked because they’re all low-leveled pussies”This… is the funniest thing I’ve ever read. Because not only have most Pokemon fans realized that high levels don’t mean jack shit (since Pokemon nowadays is all about stat. boosting or EV training or whatever wild shit they call it these days), but I find it amusing how no… other… gym leader in the history of this goddamn franchise… is more memorable than Whitney.

The daughter of Yurugu herself!

This evil white bitch here is probably the single most memorable Gym Leader of all time. You know why?

So many fans have cited Whitney’s Miltank to be the most notorious cause of high blood pressure and stress (much like real milk gives you diseases that those commercials don’t tell you about) because Rollout would ass rape every damn thing on your team. And that thing was only at 18! Amma help you if you started with Cyndaquil. After her, it’s either Morty or Claire as the other more difficult gym leaders in the game. Hell, Jasmine’s Steelix pissed me off more than Cynthia’s Spiritomb.

That’s another thing. The battles in GSC felt authentic and natural while most of the difficulty I found in Platinum was mostly artificial (I don’t even know what IV’s are, and I read that Cynthia’s team had perfect scores of them across the board which is bullshit.). Yet, for some reason, fans believe that levels determine how powerful a person’s team is? The GSC crew are underleveled in comparison to everyone  else in the series, yet have provided more of a challenge than everyone else. GSC’s gym leaders are lightyears more memorable than every other gym leader ever (sans RGBY). The only other gym leader that comes close to matching their fame after GSC is Iris, arguably now that she’s become a Champion.

African Warrior Queen, bitches.

These days, Gym leaders are now recognized only by their sex appeal. If I was into white meat, yes I would plow Flannery’s ass, but that’s aside the point. None of these gym leaders have merit anymore. Not to mention the newer ones have terrible designs after Gen 3. Hell, no one even cares about the Frontier Brains in either RSB or DPP.

Nowadays, people will try to write off Whitney as “easy”, but lets be honest. These people were kids when they got their asses kicked. Now that they’ve matured and actually gotten smart, they know better strategies than before. So of course she’s gonna be perceived as easy, but that hardly revokes the fact that she is infamous. The desperation in the fanbase’s attempt to downplay her merits is delicious.

Other complaints range from boring towns. Now, what Pokemon doesn’t have this shit? Hell, RSE had the most lifeless ghettos to ever grace the series. One thing I noticed while going over HGSS was that nearly every town had some sort of dungeon for you to go through.

Sprout Tower

Slowpoke Well

Underground Hideout/Radio Tower

Burned Tower/Tin Tower

Lighthouse

Store Hideout

Dragons Den (stretching, fuck it).

And that’s not even including the other dungeons along the normal routes. Johto was more of an adventure region rather than a big ass rock with several cities to be immersed in. And really, what else do you do in towns besides:

Pokemon Center

Mart/Dept. Store

Occasional Gym battle

Occasional Name Rater

Occasional Move Tutor

Occasional useless daily collectible bullshit?

Hell, GSC, you were entering every town in preparation to BUST SOMEONE’S ASS! Gym leaders were just desserts.

Johto is the only region I found to actually have a uniqueness from other regions. It’s mostly all about a rural, Sengoku period aesthetic with Ecrutek being it’s pride and glory. You get an actual essence of history and originality in this region. That alone made it interesting in itself. Every other region since then has been “well this city is unique because of random traits like fishing ports or theme parks or gold mines!” No one even thinks about Hoenn outside of being a giant flood of itself, and no one even recalls Sinnoh for being anything other than a giant advertisement of the Global Trade System and it’s legendaries.

See what I find odd is how regions in the later games are horrendously dependent upon the “evil teams” and their plots to take over the world using legendary pokemon. The regions cannot be that uninteresting to shoehorn the legendares into plots with the always uninteresting villains. See, the older games (GSC especially) always made the mons, legends and/or legendaries rare and mysterious mons that drew interest simply by their elusiveness (the 3 cats especially). Now they’re all in your damn face.

The johto pokemon may be perceived as weak, but for a time, they were the most elusive pokemon to get, even in their introductory games. I’ve seen more 2nd gen pokemon being used in matches more than any other generational type. And the 3rd gen mons? Hardly ever see those outside of maybe Swellow or Metagross (no bullshit, I rarely see Gen 3 mons anywhere). Simply put, the elusiveness of the pokemon draws more interest than anything else. You shove all these new pokemon in their faces, they get tired of them real quick. The more elusive, the more popular (why do you think people obsess over those goddamn shinies?), which grants Johto mons notoriety in their fame. Before HGSS, you had to go through so many fucking hoops just to get a Cyndaquil, it’s not even funny.

Another issue is that no one even bothers to bring up the music. Hands down mother fucker, GSC had the best soundtrack. Yes, the Pokemon and Trainer encounter themes were basic, but the Rival, Gym Leader, and Champion themes set a tone of seriousness and a desperate struggle that has yet to be matched by any other OST in the series. Hell, even the Game Corner music is better than half the shit in the rest of the series.

You could turn on your in-game radio and play that shit while traveling! And hell, I know all of you miss this feature, especially with the pussy ass music they play in the newer games.

This is GSC’s Rival theme. It screams “YOUR ASS IS MINE!”. Just listen closely to the 0:40 mark that screams “I HAVE TO WIN THIS NO MATTER WHAT!!” Most of these young niggas don’t know that this is high quality stuff. No, they get this shit.

Am I supposed to get amped off this bitch!? I’m going into these fights just pissing my self with laughter.

What is this? A Mexican Samba!?

Fuck, it took 2 generations after GSC before the music could even be good again.

Sounds like some Pandora’s Tower shit right here.

Moving away from the music, many people now believe that GSC was shit because “it was an extension of RBY”, while RSE and DPP were more independent within themselves and their overall gameworld. This is actually not a good thing. Gamers (and people in general) LOVE consistency and continuity. This is the basic law of nature. RBY was already a popular entry, and GSC more so because Gamefreak chose to expand on it. That doesn’t make GSC terrible at all, it actually makes it better. Saying that a game is independent from the rest of the series makes it more isolated and less likely to get some love (which explains RSE’s current situation as “shit” by a large majority of fans). RSE is so far disconnected from the rest of the series, only the Nintards would bother giving it credit just because “they don’t like negative criticism”, which is a common trait amongst Pokemon fans. Most of them don’t even legitimately like RSE but choose to defend it simply because they don’t like the other fans announcing their hatred of the games. DPP was a lot better off thanks to a few references to GSC and Jasmine’s appearance, giving it at least some semblance of continuity to the rest of the series. But even then, it still felt largely isolated. BW, by then with all the remakes, no one cared anymore. At least it was announced to be a “new beginning” rather than out of the blue just being largely removed from the rest of the series (and had that bitch Cynthia too, of all people).

What is a sequel rather than an expansion of already existing content? If you put in features from a sequel and then strip them away in the next, what do you expect other than people begging for the feature’s return? People consistently demand a second region to go to with 8 more badges to collect because the ability to go from one region to the next was one of the greatest elements ever brought to Pokemon. One of the things Pokemon has been great about was exploring and finding new areas to go to. An extra region to trek was orgasmic. GSC was simply put a game full of secrets… that people gave a damn about. Hell, the best kept secret was fighting Red at the end of Mt. Silver, not some new legendary to fight and capture. No other secrets in the rest of the series have truly been more memorable than Fighting Red. This was your previous player character, and he was going to beat your ass like no tomorrow.

Now how about that? A HUMAN CHARACTER, not a legendary Pokemon, was more memorable than entering the Distortion world to fight Giratina. More people found BW to be better than RSE and DPP, why?

BETTER… FUCKING…. CHARACTERS!

Bitches love me.

Silver (I guess that’s his official name now) was an asshole who only cared about power and Dominance over that pussy “love and compassion” crap that everyone preached about. Not only that, but he and Blue are the only rivals that actually gain some character development in the long run.

Bitches don’t love me… yet.

Out of all the Evil team leaders, this one is the most threatening. why?

Giovanni was a mob boss with basic plans of taking every Pokemon for himself.

Archie and Maxie…..ugh.

Cyrus wanted to make his own world for… some reason.

Ghetsis wanted the same thing that Giovanni wanted… but he actually tries to KILL you in the process. He’s officially a real villain out of all of them that came out.

And yes, that IS important.  See, you need a villain that is actually threatening. All these puss ass characters that want to “expand worlds”, this guy goes through a lot of planning to get what he wants. He even hired ninjas! You do not fuck with a guy who hires Ninjas. He means business.

Aside from that, even the Gym Leaders had more personality beyond the trite “Lets battle! Amazing! You’re strong, but I’m not done yet! I am impressed and proud of your abilities! In commemoration of your supreme awesomeness, I award you this badge!”. Gym Leaders before RSE were more… realistic in a sense. They sometimes insulted you, got pissed at you, and hell, in GSC, 2 of them wouldn’t even give you a badge after you’ve won fair and square. They pouted and bitched some more after the fight. Chuck even tried to intimidate you by showing how strong he is compared to you. These Gym Leaders did not fuck around, they meant business! Now every Gym Leader tries to coddle you with a smile. They may say a little “this won’t be easy” quirp, but for the most part, they’re pussies. It doesn’t help that most of them dress like faggots these days.

Now… I don’t think I can describe what the hell GF was smoking when they made this design.

Not only that, but GSC was really the only time that you had a swarm of new features. Fuck, you even got a cell phone in the damn game. Most of the new features of later games aren’t even remembered fondly outside of the Pokemon/Trainer Seekers. Contests never had any love (glad they took that bullshit out, and NO ONE misses them). Secret bases weren’t anything special. The Underground, while fun, isn’t the greatest thing ever. Really, the only thing RSE had going for it was a bunch of handicap matches called “Battle Frontier”. And really, that’s just an expansion off of a hand me down localized version of Pokemon Crystal’s Battle Tower.

People are still begging for a second region to traverse to. It’s that special and only GSC gave you that feature. No other element in the series has had this much love. That was a truly special feature of the game and not even the GSC haters can deny it. Battle Frontier’s popularity pales in comparison to having a whole new world to explore.

Natures are only paid attention by the hardcore. Attack Splits are paid more attention by the hardcore. It seemed as though most of the new features introduced (that anyone gave a damn about) pandered exclusively to the hardcore. Contests and whatever minigames they had equated to 3 degrees below whale shit.

Honestly speaking, GSC was the most memorable of the series by far. No other game even comes close to it’s content and features. The elusiveness of the pokemon and the personality of the HUMAN characters all made them special in their own way. A tiny region has no baring on the impact of the game’s content, and the pokemon fandom is hilarious enough to try and downplay it’s impact by far.

Also, a note about Pokemon designs. Lets be clear. The newer pokemon Before 2nd and prior to 5th gen ARE designed like ass. Why? Because the typings do not corrolate with their designs. For instance, Garchomp is described as a “land shark”. So most people would think of it as a water/ground type, right? WRONG! It’s a mother fucking dragon/ground type. You wouldn’t know that by looking at it, though. It looked like an alternative evolution to Sharpedo (forgets the pre-form’s name a lot). What the fuck on Lucario’s body makes it a Steel type? His hand horns?! Bitch please. There’s no significant trait about Lucario’s concept that makes it a steel type. It’s just “Aura”. It should’ve been a damn Fighting/Psychic or Pure Psychic. Deoxy is a “Space Virus”. Why isn’t it a Poison type? I have no idea. It’s just Psychic because it’s either that or another damn dragon for a legendary these days. Breloom being a fighting type never made sense seeing as it’s a Raptor with a mushroom on it’s head. Looking at a Whiscash will make you think it’s an electric type, but it turns out to be water/ground. Cradily looks nothing like a rock, yet we’re supposed to treat it as such.

That is all.