Tag Archive: Borderlands


Goddamn, that’s creepy.

I think Borderlands The PreSequel will turn into another BL2 soon enough. Couple of weeks back, there was an announcement of potential nerfs to 2 specific items in the game. A legendary rocket launcher that is literally called “the Thingy”…… and a weapon that was capable of dealing 514% damage (The Rosie). Normally, as farming isn’t my thing and rocket launchers being shit in this series, I could care less about the Thingy’s drop rate being nerfed. However as my experience in this series goes, quest items are usually a lot better in helping to clear out mobs, and I swear that Rosie helped in making Nisha a more powerful character. As such, nerfing the damage on the Rosie pisses me off like you wouldn’t believe. BLPS has none of the horrid balance issues that BL2 had at it’s disposal which makes the damage nerf not seem like a huge issue. But when you consider that 3 out of 4 of the present characters all have abilities that make them immortal, you have this one character who is completely dependent on a cheap Action Skill to do anything. I find the best weapons for her are beams, and the Rosie was a god send in TVHM. To find her best weapon is nerfed for no exact reason is frustrating. Most would ponder that because of UVHM’s new release, the Rosie would provide an unfair advantage. This ignoring the fact that everyone and their momma is claiming that UVHM is piss easy anyway, the nerf itself was just an unnecessary action.

This reminds me of the situation back in BL2 where by the Bee shield was nerfed along with a weapon known as the Conference Call. In a game where the enemies were literally bullet sponges, the nerf came as a shock and appalled MANY of the game’s fans. It’s odd to see how little people actually defended such a move. An explanation could be given that the Bee shield and Conference Call combo gave people too much of an advantage over enemies… which, if you’ve been following, is actually fair game considering how cock-smashingly HARD the enemies are to kill in the first damn place. That and this isn’t some PvP series either, whatever method you could use to defeat enemies was fair game. To nerf an advantage like the Bee shield/Conference Call combo was to dictate how the consumers should play the game.

And unfortunately, Gearbox is starting to creep that asinine behavior into PreSequel, but with even more obnoxious changes. The controversy over the nerfing of the Thingy legendary was a tipping point. You see, for the pathetic dregs that even bother to farm legendaries, PreSequel is a crappy game for them. Bosses and unique enemies are pretty rare in this game which meant the chances for finding legendaries is very low. Most farmable legendaries come from bosses you can only fight once. But… there was another option. This game presents the grinder, a machine that allows you to feed 3 weapons into it to possibly get something better. The grinder was the ONLY way to get legendaries. But the catch is you needed to put legendaries into the machine to get legendaries, which is pretty trollish of Gearbox. But a stroke of luck appeared when a boss named Iwajira had a pretty generous drop rate for the Thingy. While the drops were low enough, they were still pretty decent that you’d find a legendary weapon more often than not, which is pretty good given the circumstances of farmable bosses being severely lower than ever before. People used the thingies to produce the legendaries they could’ve gotten from the 1-time bosses, making everyone’s life… a little easier.

BUT LO AND BEHOLD! Gearbox, sitting on their high pirches with their staffs in hand, sends down a bolt of lightning, to slash the drop rates of the Thingy indefinitely as they figure the drops were too generous! This became a (rather short lived) catalyst for the rage of the fans as they stormed youtube and twitter to express their HATRED! And Pitchford fired back at the fans. It was a warzone.

Says it all. I’ve never even heard of this shooting star and am pissed at the prospect of not getting to use something awesome.

I’m not gonna sit here and express grief at the admittedly foolish behavior on twitter by many fans because… I feel that their anger is quite justified. Why? Gearbox had the nutz to actually respond to fans on these changes…. and their reasoning reeks of bullshit.

The Rosie
One of the team’s core design philosophies for Borderlands is choice and that there shouldn’t be one “right” way to play the game. Since The Rosie was a super powerful, super accessible mission reward, it was having a negative impact on choice in terms of load out variety — the majority of recommended builds out there included The Rosie as a first, or top, choice.

As a mission reward, we wanted to keep The Rosie as a powerful weapon and viable choice, but bring it closer to level as other weapons to encourage diversity in play styles and character builds.

So… basically they took the Smash Bros. Brawl route of creating diversity… by making things worse by design?! That’s not creating choice at all, that’s removing choice. Now the Rosie… is still powerful as shit, most powerful laser in the game (and lasers are overpowered enough as it is) which begs the question still… as to why they nerf the weapon. If they wanted to create choice, they should’ve created other weapons of similar or of higher calibur. THAT is creating choice. Not making one of the most powerful if not the most powerful weapon in the game….. slightly less so.

This is a euphemism for the team basically saying “we made all these features, yet you ONLY use this one!? FUCK THAT! I WORKED HARD ON THIS SHIT! And as GOD is my witness, you fucking WILL use every resource I pulled into this bitch! No ands, ifs and buts about it!” This is the creator playing God and/or dictator trying to force the players to play the game a certain way. This is the slippery slope of when a developer will become Nintendo in regards to game design philosophy.

Miss Moxxi’s Probe
The Probe is a mission weapon that was intended to be a temporary, not permanent, part of a player’s arsenal. Creative players quickly found a way to utilize the Probe in ways that once again nullified the idea of choice — essentially creating no need to use certain defensive or healing skills and an entire category of grenades (transfusion). The team’s goal here was once again to encourage diverse play styles.

This whole statement reeks of bullshit. If he had said “Using the probe outside of the mission is an unintended exploit”, that would honestly be a much more acceptable answer. But again, they harp on about “choice” as if that was actually the main issue. Players that were clever managed to utilize an in-game mechanic for their own benefit. But overall isn’t completely harmful to anyone’s experience.

Iwajira Drop Rates
From what I’ve heard so far, the team discovered an issue with Iwajira’s drop rate while testing possible future events. Due to the nature of that testing, I can’t reveal too much quite yet in case things change, but it seems to be an unfortunately necessary fix for some of the events the team has in the works.

Horrry sheeeet! A non-answer!? The one thing that people were really pissed off about and no one gets a real answer. We get “well, we have some incredibly vague event planned in the future that we will openly refuse to give details on, so we had to nerf the drop rates of a shitty legendary for no good reason!” That isn’t a response at all. It is a blanket statement that satisfies no  one’s curiosity and rage. An event could be anything from the holodome (which was revealed to be a waste of time anyway) or even a potential campaign DLC. But.. we’ll never truly know because nothing in relation to the drop rate nerf has come up as of yet.

You know why people are really pissed off, though? It’s not that these nerfs destroy the entire fabric of the game. No no. It’s just the tipping point of people’s patience.

Before the game released, there were statements by the company that this game wasn’t worth $60, leading to rumors that the game would be reasonably priced around $30. Considering how truly short the game is, $30 seems very fair. But it launched at $60 off the bat. That pissed people off.

Playing the game all the way through, while it is more enjoyable than 2 IMO, it also lacks in replay value. There aren’t many shopping list missions in the game, not many secret areas to explore, and only has  secret bosses that are easy to kill. As the above video said, there is virtually no such thing as an “endgame. No respawnable bosses to farm. People quickly got bored of it. Me included.

The game is not properly tested for bugs and glitches. Considering that EVERY version of the game has a bug that prevents people from finishing TVHM in some way shows there was no QA testing whatsoever. There are bugs with player skills and inventory of loot randomly com-busting at certain times. Random instances of missions not registering properly when you complete objectives. These issues have yet to be fixed.

There are instances of deceitful advertising of DLC’s. On the PSN store, I’ve noticed that different DLC’s are categorized by types. Character DLC’s are usually listed as “characters”. Not “add-ons”. The Handsome Jack DLC being listed as “add on” gives people the impression that it is more than just an extra character to play as. And at $10 a pop, you’d expect more than just a character. People felt gipped upon loading up the DLC to find that it was nothing bigger than just an on-disc DLC. Character DLC’s I’ve seen don’t usually go higher than 5 dollars. Borderlands is probably the only series I’ve seen where the characters are severely over-priced. Not only that, but people were disappointed by the Season Passes (take that, idiots) not containing anything of worth.

People playing the PreSequel are STARVING for content because the game is fucking barren. And many can’t even finish a second playthrough due to game stopping bugs that shouldn’t even exist.

Yet… the very few enjoyable instances of the game that people could, farming for thingies and grinding them up, whoopin ass with Rosie, the like….. Gearbox sees fit to strip THOSE things away. For incredibly vague and asinine reasons such as “choice”. What choice do we have now that the fun parts are being reduced to ash!? You can’t reset playthroughs, you can’t really farm, there are no real secrets in the game, and it’s entirely too short. It is by and large the laziest installment thus far. And as of right now, Gearbox is ok with this. Using the raging stupidity on twitter to probably justify why they shouldn’t care about what the fans want so they can go and make some shitty MOBA shooter (the fuck does MOBA even mean?) called Battleborn. People are now claiming that Gearbox is deliberately trying to kill this game off just to work on Battleborn. Seeing how they’re behaving with these random and baseless changes, it’s not difficult to imagine that.

GBX president Randy Pitchford once stated that a lot of elements were put into BL2 to purposefully “troll the players”. This goes beyond trolling and is doing nothing more than burning bridges with consumers.

Maybe I should take that guy’s suggestion and go back to talking about older Sonic games. Grieving about Boom got boring quickly. 😛

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Fuck you, Control Sticks

As I play more Borderlands 1, I’ve come to notice a few things.

1. It’s still a good ass game.
2. Playthrough 2 doesn’t have as many legendaries.
3. Sony makes worse controllers than Nintendo.

Emphasis on point 3. As I continue playing, I notice that both my control sticks seem to be shot. One, pressing up or down (moving back and forward) causes my camera to shift left or right. I don’t know why it’s doing this as I’ve been far more gentle with control sticks after going through 8 controllers for GCN. But here, they fuck up without warning! It might be just typical Sony “oh we won’t make durable products so you spend more money on new devices” bullshit, but it’s annoying and difficult to fucking AIM when you’re trying to move as the damn camera keeps moving on it’s own!

Looking at my controller layout (as BL1 is not very comfortable with allowing you to configure your controls as the second game is), both sticks are used because L3 allows me to run without using a secondary button, and R3 for melee attacks. Would be nice if it didn’t feel like I was destroying the controller in the process. It feels like I’m gonna break this damn thing everytime I play Borderlands, and it seems almost exclusively a problem with this title. ThoughI’ve noticed the same issues in Dynasty Warriors Gundam 3 as well as a few Ratchet games, it’s a hinderance in Borderlands.

I keep wondering why I couldn’t use the D-Pad for this game as the movement controls are “move forward, backward, sidestep left and right”. Rarely do I use diagonal movement and double taps to run feel more natural than pressing a stick into the controller. But alas, this seems to be a big problem with industry as a whole.

EVERY game for some reason needs to use control sticks. The Ratchet games used to let you use the Dpad for movement, but going into Tools of Destruction, you are limited to the Sticks as the Dpads are now used for “quick swapping” of weapons (because people are too lazy to open up a menu?). DWG3 had you using the stick even though the first game allowed you to use the damn Dpad. For Amma knows what reason, LittleBigPlanet, this being a 2 Dimensional game for Dehuti’s sake, only allows you to use the control stick. Why!? Because there’s a helmet in the game that you need to aim perfectly with in order to get a sense of how pretentious it is. The PSP? If you’re not playing any 2D game, you have to use that fucking little thumb tack! Do these people know how goddamned uncomfortable it is to play shit on this device!? Sonic Racing Transformed is such a restrictive game that you can’t even change acceleration and braking controls!

Instead of using the Dpad which is already in a comfortable spot (the DOMINANT thumb position), developers cling to that damned stick, as if to try and force this as some sort of standard for gaming even though it’s impractical for anything other than bloated PC Adventure games. That and they fuck up to easily. For some reason, Nintendo is hellbent on abolishing Dpads altogether (can’t use Dpad on Brawl unless you’re using shit ass wiimote, 3BS designed with Dpad in a horrible position, same with Pii U, everything that isn’t NSMB, Kirby, DKCR, or Sucker Paper Mario has to use the nun chuck) even though most of their games could benefit from using them (especially Smash Bros.)

This isn’t me advocating some sort of destruction over the usage of control sticks either, they have their functions, like I said for adventure games or stealth bullshit, they’re fine, but for general action games, racing games, FPS’s (movement wise) where momentum of movement is rarely considered, it’s a hassle. I was shocked that a stealth game (Sly Cooper) allowed the use of the Dpad (accompanied by a run button :P).

First and foremost, a game shouldn’t make it so you have to take your left thumb off your movement controls, so any developer who’s eaten enough asshole sandwiches to use the Dpad as “just some extra set of buttons for you to switch weapons or styles ala DMC4” has already failed. The Dpad shouldn’t be some secondary set of buttons for menu/inventory management. It should be the other option for movement. If Borderlands 1 allows me to switch weapons using an alternative method, I should be able to move with an alternative method as well. The Borderlands series has some of the most unintuitive controls I’ve ever seen for an FPS. Then again, this is ported from the PC which got shit configured all over the damn place, it seems.

You know how Devs should treat the Dpad? Same way Vanillaware does. I was checking out Dragon’s Crown, read the manual… and I almost had a fit when I saw “move with goddamned stick”. But in the menu, you can actually CHANGE that… to the Dpad. Which is SUITABLE for a beat em up in the same vain as Streets of Rage. Could you imagine having to use that stick to try and dash!? Anyone who’s played CVS2EO on GCN knows that pain all to well.

I couldn’t imagine playing half these fighting games on a control stick. Mega Man Network Transmission was almost frustrating, the little bastard wouldn’t slide sometimes.

Funny. Most games I could see working with Dpad are games that don’t require you to walk! And that’s a large majority of my game collections. And everything I own on PSP. Games that require you to walk are mostly centered on Stealth and Adventure games. Sometimes FPS’s that have stupid segments for no reason than to show off creativity. Or stupid shit like Mario walking not to wake up one enemy in the whole game (the plants)… and maybe some thin boardwalks if you’re a pussy. And many games with the sticks for exclusive movement have nothing configured to Dpads, making them neglected inputs.

I would hope this isn’t the industry trying to force some standard down our throats, but seeing as they almost got their way of killing off used games, I doubt nothing. Couldn’t be any happier to use Dpad for Sonic Generations.

I play black dude. Die like BITCHES!

Despite my furious anger at Gearbox, I still had an inkling of interest in the Borderlands series and wanted to check out the first game, so going by their greatest fears, I had found a GOTY version in the used games section of a Gamestop. Despite all the hype surrounding the whole “first game better than last” syndrome of the fandom, I stood my ground that I was going to hate this game with extreme fervor. As an FPS developed by these scoundrels, it is impossible for-…….holy nutballs, this game is FUN!

It was almost inconceivable. I couldn’t believe how easy it was to find so many legendaries in such a short amount of time. It was also amazing how the weapons were actually USEFUL! In BL2, I was constantly bombarded by living bullet sponges who could absorb everything that wasn’t a perfect critical shot. The game was utterly ridiculous with it’s enemies pumped full of a wretched amount of health and defense. If you weren’t playing a sniping based Zero, your odds of survival were dramatically decreased. And obnoxiously enough, the game had the nerve to toss in enemies with virtually no weakpoints (Big Game Hunt especially) so you were destined to fight a losing battle.

BL1? There’s no pressure at all to find weakpoints. Enemies seem to go down pretty quickly given your accuracy remains stable enough. Certainly, the enemies can still whoop yo ass without much effort (I’m dumbfounded by how ducking behind a rock still can’t protect me from getting nicked), but at the same time, they have very little health to fight with in the first place. Amazingly enough, I’m using some low level weapon I found early on… in the final boss fight! In BL2, you had to immediately ditch w/e weapon you found for another as soon as you go up a few levels in order to  remain competitive against your foes. But in BL1, anything goes. Just use w/e you have at your disposal and not worry so much about stats and more so about strategy! Some of it gets real abusable too.

I LOVE THIS DAMN THING!

The packed in DLC levels didn’t hurt either. Though most of them are quite disappointing, they re hilarious. General Knoxx getting pissed that he took orders from a 5 year old and kept bitching about it while sounding like an elderly Brock Samson from the Venture Brothers was gold. That doesn’t even begin to explain the better menu screens. Barely any lag in coop? Non-disorientating skill tree menu? Easier to find mission log? HELL YEAH!

What a FUCKING relief!

Then there’s the little things such as equipping character skills with different elements. If I wanted the turret or Bloodwing to be on fire or acid, VOILA and thats the fucking end of it! But noooooo, in number 2, the siren gets those perks! The only thing I could piss and moan about was the lack of corner maps to help find out where to go next, the lack of tangible story and how every environment is exactly the same damn barren wasteland/cave/junkyard, and how incredibly short it is, but if that’s the price for a more entertaining and fun ass game, so be it.

BL2 is, at this point, wasted potential. With all it’s bells and whistles, it’s ultimately buried under a pile of bullshit. Lame jokes trying to force memes on the internet (Catch a RIIIIIIIIIIIIIDE!), horrid drop rates for any decent weapon in a game where legendary gear is damn near a necessity for most cases, where you’re swamped with “Super Badass Loaders” at every occasion, the game is a complete chore to play in comparison to BL1. It feels like what Capcom did to RE6 and tried WAAAAAAAAAAY to damn hard to make it all “epic” and shit while making it such a drag that it comes crashing down on it’s own self-congratulatory vapid banal ego-driven content. BL1 is nowhere near as obnoxious as it’s sequel. Handsome Jack is still one of the best damn villains in gaming, though. Not to mention it’s actually what I wanted. A kind of Mad Max setting where you’re tearing through assholes trying to look for treasure, not some lame ass “resistance against the big bad corporate dictator” story that always seems to end up the same way in every plotline people come up with.

Unknown jackoff knows of corporation, doesn’t give a shit.
Corporation tries to kill said jackoff for non-specific reasons
Jackoff finds resistance and joins in because justice and… shit.
Jackoff and resistance does well for now.
Jackoff unintentionally leads corporation to the resistance hideout
Resistance is crushed and the leader’s (or significant person) life is now in danger. Jackoff initiates plan to rescue said leader
Jackoff defeats corporation in the process and saves the world.

Yeah, maybe not exactly the way it happened, but most of those details are damned accurate. At this point, it begs to be asked just how widespread this issue is cause I can’t be the only mother fucker in the known universe that sees the unmitigated shitstorm problem of why sequels are not living up to the expectations set by the first installments of their franchises. It is insane just how much disappointment I see in fanbases all across the board. Even the COD fanboys are just about tired of Activision’s bullshit. And damn sho, I’m tired of being disappointed by sequel after sequel where I’ve come to find that the devs or publishers schemed to completely fuck up some of the best franchises of all time, not just fucking them up, but destroying legacies by the dozen.

The utter banality that is the continuation of any franchise that started sometime in the 90s is literally impossible to escape, and it even seems that younger series that got their start in the 7th generation have already  gotten devs and pubs scheming to destroy their products with utter greed. We’re talking about an FPS/RPG hybrid that was completely fine in the first installment, but then some hippie asshole comes up and says that “our happiness is not profitable“! Afterall, in the religion of capitalism, keeping people in a state of anxiety and despair equates to creating demand for rampant DLC practices! So lets completely fuck up the damage scaling and make damn near every weapon you receive completely useless so that you’d be desperate enough to buy some Hunter upgrade pack just to be able to get through…. yet another unbalanced difficulty mode! And what would the reward be? Well, a collection of more useless fucking weapons! Well done!

Businesses that sell you things you actually need could get away with nickel and diming you for shit services because in your mind, you will actually need these services to go about your daily life. Junk entertainment is nothing you need at all. The crazy fucks in the industry, however, think they can get away with the same practices. Which is unfortunately working at the moment, seeing that most of the gaming public is now too terrified to leave their houses and buy things in a physical medium so that they have a semblance of ownership over their purchased products. So instead, everything is digital, even access to half the shit already on the CDs! Why is it that I can’t gain access to fighting game characters that are already on the game Netherrealm, Crapcom, Sony, etc? Afterall, 2 of these asshole factories had the nuts to release special editions with access to all the characters on the damn discs anyway.

Apparently, the game industry has gone MIA from the sanity department and jumped straight in a water filled with Great Whites as they ceaselessly destroy sequel after sequel in either an attempt to cheat you out of your money or to share a new “creative vision” that is in complete opposition to the wishes of the audience for no other reason than to attempt what could be considered selling teabags to customers who asked for Starbucks quality coffee! In no other entertainment industry have I ever seen a bunch of artistic douchbags imitate the insurance industries by fucking their customers over and over again while still expecting them to pony up for the impromptu involuntary ass fuckings.

None of this speaks louder than Nintendo’s desire to shove in as many assist trophies into Super Smash Bros. 4 in some vain attempt to apologize for not doing the logical thing and making some of those awesome assist trophies playable fucking characters! Have you seen most of the announcements for new characters come from the alternatively named pokeball characters are people who we’d actually prefer to be in this game over the Wii-fit assholes and the Village Idiot? Who’s that chick from Kid Icarus? I mean the last thing we need is a character worthy of being playable! No, lets shove that unholy bitch into statue format, and the audience had damn well better appreciate the fact that she’s at least given some “recognition” because…. in the depths of our own psyhosis, that’s all the nerds really care about! We saw it on GoNintendo.com, it must be true!

Start the water works!

Here’s a idea for you Sakurai, if the overwhelming amount of assist trophies are much cooler than the current roster you have for Super Smash Bros. then you have a problem and need to take your bitch ass back to the drawing board. Words cannot describe how utterly pissed I was when Lyn was announced as a goddamn trophy! Afterall, I needed more than just 2 piddly reasons (Ike and Sonic) to make up for the loss of my Mewtwo and the severely massive nerfs to some of the best characters (IE my Fox, Ganon and Mario) if only out of some misguided attempt to keep the game out of the hands of tourneyfags because you simply don’t adhere to their philosophy of playing to win. I don’t care what the reasons are. The assist trophies are a stupid addition to the series and only serves as an excuse for Nintendo to not do extra work on making more playable characters. Balance, you say? There’s no such thing in the world of fighting games! Either make them playable or keep them in the trophy menu.

Of course, I should expect no less from Japanese developers. These assholes would prefer nothing more than removing all semblance of player choice in video games altogether if it meant you playing the game the way they envisioned with no regard for your entertainment whatsoever. The Pokemon games could vouch for that with the amount of ways to obtain one pokemon vastly reduced to a limited and tedious process like Honey Trees or by trading with other people who may or may not have the Pokemon you desire. Or how about Resident Evil 6 with no regard for your desire to retrace your steps back to previous rooms in a game and have the mother fucking gall to place invisible walls in an auditorium so the only thing you can do is jump over a guard rail to initiate a fight against a mother fucking zombie T-Rex. Really crapcom? No wonder the gaming public ripped you a new asshole over the set piece ridden world of Resident Reposeful.

And the Jake and Sherry Campaign was the WORST fucking part of the whole title!

 

If it’s not the games that radically change all the elements of a game to fit their business or creative desires, it’s the sequels that change nothing but exemplify the WORST aspects of their prequels! What was the point of paying for Rayman Legends or NSMBU other than to have a graphically super version of the vanilla editions? This is laziness of the umpteenth degree! Not only does Rayman Legends not improve on anything Origins did, it also adds in little obnoxious bullshit gimmicks like Murfy so that you can solve puzzles while running away from a 1-hit kill firewall in a scripted running segment. I’ve never seen such disorientatingly horrific game design like this since Mega Man Network Transmission. There’s just some shit you cannot do in 2D platformers to rival 3D platformers in any way, what would you need to do so for? 2D Platformers are automatically superior by way of not needing to fiddle with the fucking camera, but you expect me to treat it like a 3D platformer by handing me 20 trillion smurf looking fuckers to find just to unlock, are you ready for this?…….. character skins. Not even cool ones, just a bunch of random shitty skins like “Lol character swapped color palettes”. That’s the best you can give me for a bloated fetch quest!? How about one of those hot bitches you took out from the last game being playable characters!? That’s motivation enough! Then again, I can’t imagine why I would bother unlocking them anyway, the main game is done and over with and as anti-climatic as that final boss was, it wouldn’t be worth the sex appeal anyway.

Holly Luya indeed.

Amma knows I was just about sick of Namco’s ass fuckings when concerning the state of the Soul Calibur franchise bursting it’s bubble of prosperity almost immediately after SC2 gave Zelda fans an actual Link that was so badass, he could rival the entirety of the SC cast just by having the strongest set of lungs in the world. Hey, here’s a grnd idea! Lets remove fan favorites like Kilik, Sophitia, Taki, Talim and hell lets toss the token nigga in the mix… and replace them with some bitch with a crystal ball and claws! It’s such a genius idea to invoke so many animu tropes in a game that was nearly void of any of that bullshit simply because, like every other japanese developer in the world, and focus on those goddamned otaku shit stains that aren’t even considered worthy of the air breathe! I can’t have Kilik because a monkey with a tapeworm is just that much more Kawaii to you asswipes? If I had to hear one more deathcry from him yelling “FOOOOOOOOOOOOD” for no other reason than to exaggerate his non-comical eating disorder, I will shit chain saws.

Lets not forget the idiocy of making Guard Impacts completely special move based and as complicated to remember because “we at Namco don’t value the absolute necessity for seasoned fans to get into a sequel because we want every game to be “unique” or some retarded shit” and then have the nerve to make guard impacts completely dependent on 2D fighting game logic of needing a goddamned fighting guage to activate the techniques. If SF3 Turd Strike necessitated super gauges just to pull off a single parry, the assholes at SRK would never ride the game’s nuts as much as they do. Soul Calibur is already far too lenient on button mashers in which the window for pulling off GI’s are too small now for some reason, now you remove their importance entirely for the sake of what fucking reason!? To make it “accessible” to newer players that DIDN’T buy the game anyway? Sure, we could take the bullshit about the game being rushed, but there was absolutely NO good reason to change the commands for character moves a SECOND/THIRD time in a row, or remove characters, turning Kilik and Sophitia both into mimics while also putting in Weapon Master making a totaly  of 3 different mimics, or making GI’s absolutely worthless and non-existent.

Soul Calibur 5 wasn’t rushed, it was made by some asshole on the Tekken team that wanted to literally kill the franchise if only so that he wouldn’t have to work on 2 different fighting games at one time. Nothing says this more than the inclusion of a “Devil Jin” soul in the CAS mode. Shameless promotion? Oh fuck no, this is Japanese passive aggression at it’s finest!

Even recent series that I start to get into immediately get fucked up, for whatever reason Ratchet and Clank Into The Nexus is such a bad game that I can’t bring myself to shut the hell up about it. If the inability to change the control presets and wretchedly short game length were no problem, then certainly it’s just how UN-Ratchet the game feels. There’s literally no comedy which was probably one of the major elements of the Ratchet and Clank series, turning the game into a more mild version of Sonic 06. Yes, I’m aware that Dead Space was a pretty popular survival horror game at some point, but Ratchet and Clank is not Dead Space! Putting “dark” areas in the game with eerie music and more fucked up looking villains that seem reminiscent of the Borg from Star Trek the Next Generation does not count as a Dead Space game! Especially considering that halfway through the game, the devs decided to ditch the “horror” element, w/e horror there was, and go back to a poor imitation of previous Ratchet and Clank titles without the funny or interesting environments.

By then, the game felt more obnoxious than cool, and the developers had the nerve to put in a museum of their past characters such as Drek or that guy from Deadlocked. And for some reason, the creator of the series feels the need to stamp his ass into the game in some vain attempt to gain creator god status amongst internet nerds so that he may be worshipped in the same way as Shigeru Miyamoto. Having a game that pisses me off with it’s wannabe AAA production values, buggy ass gameplay, shitty gimmicked Clank levels that you can’t skip and aren’t even remotely as fun as the clank modes in UYA or TOD, is not gonna warrant my lips stapled to your ass! The sheer self-congratulatory sequence of the museum right before the tedious “city under invasion” sequence reeks of “trying to hard to be epic” with what is one of the most anti-climatic final showdowns in the series yet. The final game in the Future series has no actual closure to the story of Ratchet’s separation anxiety from other Lombaxes in the series and could be mistaken for a mild spinoff. The only redeeming quality would’ve been the female villain that could actually be treated as a threat since Chairman Drek… up until the bitch gets captured and the game goes into the whole “what have I done” shtick of amateur writing that has pervaded the entertainment industry for quit some time now.

And I’m STILL seeing this fuckin movie, even though Ratchet looks retarded.

For once in this or last generation, I would like for a sequel that actually exceeds expectations instead of sending them shattering through the pits of the underworld where Ausar anxiously awaits to feed the souls of these horrid abominations to the jaws of Ammut. Ironically, the only sequel that manages to be decent came directly from Platinum Games. Yeah. Anarchy Reigns not only plays better than it’s Wiitarded cousin Madworld, but also has the decency to put itself in color so you wouldn’t get lost in the sprawling overworld mazes because every landmark you could find blends in too fucking well with the Sin City nut riding aesthetics. Add to it the lack of QTE styled death blows that got a little too repetitive for my tastes, and it’s an alright beat em up game that only suffers due to having only 4 stages and the same banality of needing to complete missions in order to gain a high score just to progress, making the game slower paced than Sonic’s Lost Mind! My one true hope, and I’m serious, is that if Guilty Gear Xrd comes stateside, it won’t be some ass fucked sequel as most other fighting games have become.

……..If this game does not kick ass…….