Fuck an Intro. 

Super Mario Odyssey

By the balls of Ra…

You know, at first, this looked like the real successor to Mario 64. And I was judging this from the more unique and varied worlds that was shown in the original trailer. The more I watched the latest trailer though, the more it looks like typical 3D Mario fare. Outside of the ability to take control of enemies (a dull idea at best), Nintendo didn’t show anything new. The vocal soundtrack they used gratedmy ears. When did Mario games start using a 40s broadway tune for these games?

Anywho, the new body snatching mechanic is one of those gimmicks developers go to when they’re fresh out of ideas. Especially in the context of Mario games. I can’t imagine anyone getting excited to play as different enemies from the series, outside of maybe the koopas. Why one of them has a frying pan is anyone’s guess. Who wants to play as a fucking goomba!?

That’s not what concerns me, however. During the trailer, you’ll catch a glimpse of Mario taking control of a stone fist and flying it directly into the face of a boss.

That feeling when you realized… Nintendo hasn’t changed one bit.

This kills w/e enthusiasm I had with this game. A lot of games have had this thing where you play through a game normally, then you’re thrown into a boss fight where the game expects you to be patient for some reason and jump through some hoops just to deal damage to a boss. Either through limited powerups, specifc guns littered in random portions of the arena, or the typical multi-tasking fights, a concept the industry has yet to outgrow from the late 90s in their bid to appeal to Hollywood. With Mario…. well, with Nintendo period, they can’t just come up with a new gameplay idea without making it entirely necessary to your progress. 

You’ll have to use Bullet Bills to navigate a desert to your destination, use a cheap cheep to swim in areas you normally wouldn’t be able to, possibly stack up 4 goombas up to press 4 switches in sync. That simply isn’t fun, and it appears Nintendo doesn’t get this. Abilities like this shouldn’t a crutch to which you need to complete a level, but should be an asset to help you complete a level. This was what power-ups were originally intended to be. Valuable tools to increase your chances of survival and overall victory. Instead, were treated to archaic Nintendo 3D platformer design disguised as a “fun new gameplay mechanic” that I could easily get from Prototype 2 w/o the crutches.

It’s a bit of a dissappointment. The game did look good. But if Nintendo is going for that intricate bs again, count me out.

Was that Pauline at the end of the trailer?

Metroid Prime 4/Samus Returns

Fuck Metroid Prime

The Prime series hasn’t been good since the first game, partly due to half the team getting traded around with Bungie. I would assume those asshats were responsible for the downfall of the Prime series, particularly with the games being turned into a softcore run of the mill FPS, what with the addition of beam ammo, tacked on multiplayer, competitive online modes, Tower defense segments, an escort mission… basically everything fans were afraid of when Prime 1 was first announced. And even if that wasn’t the case, the awkward back-tracking (no, Metroid isn’t about that!), tedious puzzles, and lengthy for no reason boss fights would ensure that no fun would be had with the series ever again. And hell, corruption was just a complete bore half the time that you’re fighting boredom more so than the controls. Unfortunately, because Other M is so much worse (it’s honestly not), the value of the prime series is greatly exxagerated out of pure spite. Hell, Other M was actually refreshing compared to how stale Corruption was.

Speaking of Other M, here’s that with yet another trip to Zebes. I might check that one out since it’s on a system I actually own. And isn’t some random FPS.


Well there’s the one saving grace of Nintendo’s E3 line up. Looks no different from Return to Dreamland, and yet I’m convinced it’ll be the best Switch game to own…. for the moment, anyway.

Fire Emblem Warriors

While I did say turning Fire Emblem intoa Warriors game would make it less boring, I don’t know If I could trust these doorknobs with another game after the tragedy that was Hyrule Warriors legends. So far, it seems like most of the characters are coming from the 3DS games. I could hope for Ike and Lyn, but I don’t know if they’ll include characters from the games that didn’t do well.

Mario X Rabies.

Good lawd, they brought back the Rabbids…

…..that’s all I can really say. I can’t see myself caring about another turn-based strategy game, especially a crossover of 2 franchises I don’t like.

But this is proof there is no limit to how Nintendo is willing to go to whore out their mascot. I don’t think the rabbids were ever popular. Ubisoft must’ve wanted something from Nintendo if they agreed to do this crap


……Another baseless strategy game!? Seriously!?

Xenoblade 2

Form fitting armor my ass

Otakus rejoice! Nintendo fucks what could’ve been an interesting franchise in a cheap to pander to you faggots. Words cannot describe how underwhelming that trailer was. Carefully crafted to reel in the hopeless animu fans and infuriate those who actually enjoyed the first game.

Also seems like it’s gonna be one of those franchises where each entry is it’s own universe with some minor connection to previous games. Now the Monado is some spirit with huge tats. Oy
You know… Nintendo’s E3 presentation. .. isn’t interesting at all to talk about beyond Mario. About the the only games that look good are Samus Returns and Kirby, though I was honestly hoping for an F-Zero sequel or Custom Robo. Instead, we get some shit called Wargroove because Japan is jacking off to turn-based nonsense. A Mario/Rabbids is beyond stupid, and it seems that Switch will be another console where you constantly wait a million years for a decent game to come out.

I was bored out of my mind watching watching these trailers. Nintendo seems to be going through the motions for their software again. I’m more disturbed that thousands of fat ass gamers stood in line for hours just to play 5 minutes