As you all could tell, my posting activity on this blog is so low, SF5’s sales records ooze with envy. My interest in videogames were nearly diminished. From all the companies I ever cared to talk about, I readily assumed the industry is all but fucked and I should care less what happens to each and every company. And for a while, I considered doing crappy movie reviews. Power Rangers was certainly on my mind gor a while, but I enjoyed the movie too damn much to shit on it.

And when I looked back to the gaming world, I was hit with a blastwave of shock value greater than a feminist’s reaction to the 8 tits of an animu school ninja.


How is that even possible!?” Was my reaction when reading headlines from an Aonuma Zelda game actually pleasing a vast majority of fans for a change, to 1-2 Switch getting dangerously close to 1 million seller status. From the dream come true that is the return of fucking Bomberman to the other dream of having an actual Megaman X character in an MvC crossover that isn’t some loli wank trash or an author fan character turned spotlight stealing whore riddled with angst and Johnny Yong Bosh. To a Mario game that for the first time since 64, greatly captures my interest over the heart breaking reveal of Xenoblade pandering to the Deviantarded crowd. To RE7 being scary again without any familiar characters. And then yah turn around and hear that a sequel is being made… for goddamn Shaq Fu!

How… the fuck… did all of this happen? As soon as I turn my back even for a second, all of these miracles start popping up like germaniums! 

I include Yoshinori Ono’s complete failure as a part of these miracles, it’s high time Capcom boots his sorry ass away from fighting games so that Street Fighter could actually be playable again! Hell, Arika should still be around! The only achievement of Street Fighter 5 is making an homage to the Clay Fighter series. How shitty does your character design have to be before you mistake the game you’re playing for the godawful To Hell and Back movie? Celebrity Death Match had better graphics and that was a parody!

What is that shit!? Is that the most plastic character model you’ve ever seen? Cause that’s what next gen technology was made for, uncanny valley fuglies with muscles that look like bacon strips.

Or a Dairy Queen smoothie, is the concept of muscularity so foreign that everytime you draw them, they come off more inflated than Casey Hudson’s ego!? Is that an arm or a shriveled bratwurst!? But hey, I guess tits can’t be the only body parts exaggerated, so there’s your equal treatment. Even though we can’t have an ass shot. 

Megaman X was overdue a fighting game appearance thanx to Inafune’s desire to shove his ego into everyone’s faces. Not only is X still the best damn variant of Mega Man out there, he’s also….*gasp* THE MAIN CHARACTER! What sense does it make to withhold his blue lovable ass from any crossover up until those PXZ games!? “Because he’s not the original Mega Man”?, fuck that noise! The Mega Man X series (up until 6) are some of the best damned action games ever created! And unlike pussy classic Mega Man, there’s no bullshit level design gimmicks that make the games harder to replay without queludes on deck. And no, I can’t spell that word! Hell, the fans of X could at least agree that more than one game in this series is damn good, and not go on worshipping only the 2nd game in the series. The fact that Mega Man Volnutt made it to a crossover before X is a goddamn crime of Inafune’s ego.

Not only that, but they also included Sigma! A shoddy attempt at inflating the preorder ratio, maybe, but none the less, they put in the guy who could make the T-1000 his bitch. Here’s my question. Ultron is also in the game, they’re both bosses, but Ultron looks to be available from the start, but Sigma is in a deluxe version!? Sorry… there’s a deluxe version before the game is officially released? Thanx alot Warner Bros! You’ve ruined Fighting games. 

The Nintendo side of things are even more ridiculous. Imagine a Zelda game designed with Aonuma on board that people happened to enjoy! Even though it starts off in a dungeon with block pushing puzzles for no discernable fucking reason it seems, the praise seems to stem from being harder than past Zelda games, which would be a plus if most of that difficulty wasn’t from a need for actual prep time or walking into a bitch of a dungeon you clearly weren’t ready for. But it’s much closer to the ol’ Zelda 1 for NES so fuck it. I’ll take what I can get. 

But more so with Mario Odyssy, a Mario title that takes a step or 2 away from the fruity kingdom and goes back to his roots in the big city. Afterall, Donkey Kong, Wrecking Crew, and Mario Bros. had to start somewhere, so why not return to a landscape that doesn’t make you embarrassed to play a Mario game? Even the other worlds in this game look exciting aside from foodland. And I can only hope that riding on sphinxes are not something relagated to puzzle solving.

All the while Sega comes around with Sonic Mania, or Sonic 4 the way people wanted… sort of.

With all these amazing things happening, you know the miracles im hoping for?

BLOODY ROAR REVIVAL!!

CHAMELEON TWIST SEQUEL!!!

MISCHIEF MAKERS 2!!!

Anything’s possible. .. right?

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