Oy… the Stitch is coming out tomorrow. I can’t deal with these customers. Everytime some Nintendo shit comes out, you get droves of people at least for one day. But at least it won’t be like the PS4 launch, goddamn. We had to write up signd saying “NO BITCHES, WE AIN’T GOT NO PS4 IN STOCK! PISS OFF!”

Good times. Well, I’ve had this issue for a while, so there’s time for one last minute look at console details. 

Ok, so the straps do come with the console. That’s good. And the docking station does add power via AC adapter. So that’s one source i’m ditching for info.

$80 per set!? What the fuck, that’s more than a PS3 controller!!!! Nintendo really needs to cut that shit out, requiring all these multiple peripherals to enjoy their full library of games if you can enjoy them.

No backwards compatibility with Pii U games. Eh

3. To be honest, going back to cartridge format is pretty sweet. I wouldn’t have to be super delicate with them shits like I would with discs. That and disc readers tend to fuck up easily.

4. Shorter throw, what the hell does that even mean? Pressure sensitive? If so, who gives a fuck? Their use of “traditional gamepads” annoys the hell out of me.

5. Y’all already know my words for that shit.

7.  I can’t even see the damn things.

9. Those little white ticks are buttons!? No wonder there’s a jock strap for this shit, that cramps my fingers just looking at it!

10. Here’s a console feature that no one will use. Ever.

12. That sounds… really complicated and completely impractical. Why not just make a goddamn wiimote upgrade!?

13. Hahahahahahah! Well if that’s the case, it better simulate the feel of this!

Best selling console right here! Itigaki would love this.

14. Goddammit, didn’t Amiibos drop in sales? Can we not rely on physical DLC this time around?

15. Again, a proper Wiimote would’ve been better.

Well don’t this just confirm console updates later on with bigger harddrives to assuage those concerns?

Good, lets discourage the forced acclimation toward digital formats! Bwahaahahaha! I doubt games need to be installed either so I could care less. Also, GI can fuck off with “Game Patches, DLC, and other updates are now an important part of the industry”. That’s a load of shit. These… “curses” shouldn’t exist by virtue of games needing be finished to justify a price tag of $60 a pop. If developers are petty enough to not support a console because they can’t scam their customers (and they are), they shouldn’t be working in the industry. And third parties won’t support the Switch cause it’s fucking Nintendo

An app for voice chat. This must be what Heat was talking about. That is beyond retarded. In 6 months,  they’ll charge money for online services, but you need a separate app for voice chat. That is completely fucked. I have no words for that, it writes itself. It shows Nintendo is very out of touch with the general public.

Overall, I question why Gamestop bothers with these subscriptions. It’s clear most of this article was industry rhetoric, especially concerning the console memory. “Patches and DLC are important” my ass. They really tried to make the Switch look worse than it does, especially when talking about the Joycon battery life. 20 hour life and they bitch about the lack of recharge options? And ofcourse they attack the fact the Switch is underpowered even though, historically, the underpowered console always wins.

Still, there are clear cut problems (prices, controller design flaws, online bullshit) and I can’t help but wonder if Nintendo has gone completely insane. Some of these design choices take no particular customers into account outside of the pro-controller, and that’s really only for the hardcore crowd. Sending snapshots to friends was already a stupid and forgettable feature, and the separate voice chat is beyond retarded. I don’t know. It looks better than Wii U but still a tad shitty.

 We’ll see tomorrow,  won’t we?