Soso wait. They removed RPG elements from the player character… but contsrained it to some gay ass paint mechanic… because they wanted to focus on puzzlesolving!?

Pff… Nintendo aint got no 3D obsession,  they’ve got some hardcore puzzle obsession! Now I know why Triple Deluxe was shit!

I’m not big on RPGs myself, but its like trading in a bowl of brussel sprouts for a cup of mayonnaise! Puzzles are not fun! At least in the context of adventure games. Tetris? Fun. Panel de Pon? Fun! Bust a Move? Fun! Puyo Pop? Shit! But solving “world puzzles” where you gotta manipulate certain aspects of the scenery to progress? Its boring as fuck! After all these years, Nintendo will not drop this bullshit! How much you wanna bet that’s the real reason people hated Uncharted 3? I know its the reason I got sick of the Metroid Prime games, that and all the forced backtracking. 

Mario RPGs used to be interesting. Fuck, I was invested in the 1st Paper Mario! You get a gist of how the mushroom kingdom operates, the culture of the Yoshi tribes, you’ve got mother fuckers that eat ghosts! And for some reason, I cared about saving Peach. I suppose its because for once Bowser seemed to be unstoppable with that star rod he jacked from Kirby. 

But thats not important to Nintendo. Its all about having content that shows off its gameplay innovation that never goes beyond fucking puzzles! Its gotten so bad that even basic combat is being turned into a puzzle game itself. Painting cards in a fight, christ balls… they might as well go mobile exclusively, them’s the only fucks willing to throw money at them in droves.

In other news

Dawg, fuck the Gamecube, can we get some N64 love? Mischief Makers, Chameleon Twist, Jet Force Gemini, Buck Bumble, Robotron 64, Bomberman and all that shit. The only reason people care about Gamecube is cause Melee was so mother fucking good compared to it’s piece of shit sequels. Yes, Custom Robo and F-Zero GX, but hell, I’D like to play Legacy of Darkness without having to worry if my memory card is gonna die.

….Then again… CvS2 and Bloody Roar…