The game compels me to stare!

Common Indie Game Flaws

You know, its really hard to say. The most I’ve played were Gunvolt, Shantae, and Terraria. I think FAST Racing League counts. Its an F-Zero GX clone with shit controls.

If anything, I think the main… “flaw” would be all the massive hype. Its no secret that more and more people are getting fed up with the game industry. And they should! Games today… suck. They suck so much ass, many people resort to making fangames only for Nintendo to be a whore and take them down (Pokemon Uranium really did look good). Not only do they suck, the assholes in charge want your money so much so that they manufacture “rationale” for why you should pay more. 

Because feeding families and all other bullshit that corporations couldn’t give 2 fucks about. Or that used games are piracy (hahahahahahah), or use an unenforced quote “law” to convince people that they have zero ownership over products they purchased. The gaming industry is truly a vile hive of scum and villainy the likes of which the Rothschild would be proud of. It is no simple marvel that many would have such grievances against them.

That said, and I realize I would be hypocritical in saying, these grievances may have skewed the perception of quality in regards to indie games. I’ve actually read people going out on a limb hyping up indie games simply because they aren’t Industry trash. In the rare words of Nintard at work, it is better to view these games not by what it doesn’t have, but via their own merits.

Even by those merits, a lot of these games look downright unappealing. With the exception of Gunvolt and Shantae (for distractingly obvious reasons) most Indie games lack any real draw. Shovel Knight. The name alone sounds fucking retarded. That and Super Meat Boy. Then you had some shit called Flower where you control the wind to pick up flower petals. It sounds like Katamari Damashi if it was conceptualized in a drug induced coma. Does that sound fun at all!? Hell naw! But people tell me that’s therapeutic. So is Kirby Air Ride, but something actually happens in one of these games.

See, the content in a good handful of these indie titles are either effortless trash or batshit insane. I get the distinct impression that everyone is trying so hard to be unique that they forget to be interesting. When I hear about something like Guacamelee being about a pissy Mexican Wrestler, I find it difficult to even feign interest. There’s barely any effort in the art assets either, most characters look like simple Flash drawings. 

On the other hand, you have the “retro” obsessed nitwits who swear 8bit graphics are all you need to make a fantastic game, to the point that they literally look effortless. I would assume this is because 8bit graphics are easy to work with that you see it so often.

You could make the argument of budgeting troubles for why some indie art is shit, and… that’s true. If you don’t have the drawing talent or money to hire a decent artist, then you can’t be faulted for working within your budget, but fuck me with tuna, you have to compensate for that in certain areas. Catchy music, unforgettable levels, exciting boss fights, etc. Back when gaming tech was ass, developers learned to compensate by ensuring other areas of their games were awesome. They did everything they could to bring 8bit games to life. I don’t see the same amount of effort on part of the indies. Their mindset is on cheap imitation (mockery), that which they confuse for tribute. You get the sense that no real imagination took place during the development cycle. Except maybe with Undertale from what little I’ve seen.

And its all thanx to that grandiose devotion to the omnipotent gameplay!

I hear nothing but non-stop hype for indie devs being the future of innovative game design. Infact, I’d go far as to say that this the main selling point of the indie scene. When I think of why people want indie, I would assume it’s because people are tired of the industry’s bullshit. But nowadays, I see it as being tired of the market being saturated by COD clones. So now we have a handful of people who think “innovative gameplay and intricate mechanics” equate to an enjoyable experience. 

Again, I refer to Gunvolts “laser tag” system by which your shooting of enemies merely “tags” them so you can electrocute them afterwards. This leads to easy and then downright tedious experiences as fighting bosses requires more dexterity then necessary, having tp tag multiple targets, shock them, then immediately tag another target… it’s just not fun. Its terrible.

There was an RPG I played earlier called Fairune where you played some redhead who’s only means of attack was merely touching enemies. Ofcourse, you take damage for killing them, it’s not a good combat system. I find myself running back to healing points and then rushing back to the area I was in just to fight the same enemies all over again.

FAST Racing League. Anyone ever played Ikaruga? Take that color change mechanic and put it into a racing game by which the color you change your car determines if you can boost on black/white strips or jump pads. Color changing also being meter based, the same meter used for manual boosting, and you’ve got more micromanagement than Sonic Riders. Shinen is usually better than this.

The aforementioned Flower. There’s no point to it’s oh so therapeutic nonsense.

There was a Wiiware game I played that I can’t remember the name of (it was Chrono… something DX), but it definitely felt like some indie shit. You were this blue fuck who to split himself into 2 different timelines to fight some chrono demon, I guess. Here, the game is splitscreen and you have watch both screens to progress in levels. So if you can’t progress in 1 screen, you have to look to the other to move forward. Fuck this tedious ass piece of a game.  It’s far more disorienting than it needs to be.

Cave Storyerm, that was actually pretty good. See, it didn’t focus on trying to be innovative. It took basic Metroid/Castlevania concepts and made a baby with it. The creator kept shit simple instead of trying to be zany and unique. Now if only it sold well

Most indies try way too hard to be “creative” instead of being practical with their shit. It’ll be even more rare to get more Terraria-like games. 

But then it hit me. Why the indie scene seems less attractive than it should be. People gravitate towards indie folks for the same damn reasons Nintards can’t stop chomping down on Italian sausage. Most Indies, I feel, are trying to be like Nintendo. Not the kickass streetwise Nintendo of old, but the liberal arts faggots we have in the driver’s seat. 

It’s not all that bad. Gunvolt 2 is leagues better than the first game if only because of Copen, Shantae is a passable game that gets by on DOA tactics (im shocked the SJWs didn’t say shit about those games),  and Terraria is damned fantastic even with all the crashes (fuck minecraft, this is the REAL sandbox game). If Geometry Wars is indie, it needs to continue. But overall, there’s too much room for improvement. I just hope the indie scene lets go of it’s desire to be unique if they want to really compete against the industry machine.

Dont get me started on the kickstarter scams, (Mighty #9, etc.)

Oh and thanx for the trailer, heat. Why  don’t they just call it half-naked hero…