I swear to Ra, those bastards at work won’t shut up about Pokemon! Is it true the final boss is a fucking squid!?

We all knew it had to happen at some point. Since the name drop from Winter Soldier, a lot of us comic book nerds were salivating at the thought of a Dr. Strange movie. Well… just mindlessly predicting its inevitable release date. But w/e. After Ultron and Civil War, my expectations couldn’t have been lower for this film. Disney’s insane proclivity towards superhero comedy sketch would prevent a Dr. Strange movie from ever working. Doctor Strange goes against that kind of Bullshit. Its not a series known for comical tastes, but more so for being on drugs. When the series first began, a lot of readers assumed Marvel was on some shit. 

But eh, what would Disney care about accuracy? Kaecilius is the fucking villain!

Nintard at work (being a goddamn DC fan and all) would ofcourse play Devil’s advocate and use his redundant argument “the movies are not made for those who read the comics, but for the audiences who know nothing of them” he says while he cries over Lex Luthor from BvS. That goes w/o saying! Fuck, despite all of its bullshit, I still enjoyed Civil War! Even though Drax the Destroyer was unapologetically assraped in Guardians of the Galaxy, I still found him hilarious. Its not like I cant enjoy any comic book movie that takes liberties with the source material. There are just certain limits that shouldnt be crossed. 😛 

But I dont expect a DC fan to empathize,  those fuckjobs are getting what they want at least. 

But its true. Disney caters to the Masses,  I cant fault them for having enough sense to be inclusive. It unfortunately worked well for Guardians of the Galaxy, which I found to be an insult. That being said, what can you say when even the Masses despise Doctor Strange? It seems that people are finally catching on to how lame Disney’s comic book films have become. Or perhaps its burnout from ALL the comic book movies this year alone (Deadpool, BvS, Civil War, Apocalypse, Ninja Turtles, Suicide Squad) that people have no energy to deal with yet another one. Whatever the reason, Dr. Strange is a cccccombo breaker. The blind praise of previous movies are dead and we can finally get some real objectivity! Yet even then, I found myself slightly puzzled. Unlike Guardians of the Galaxy, Doctor Strange is not an unspeakable pile of shit. Its more along the lines of “forgettable Thor movie”. Now to the actual review.

Again, expect nerd rage. I can‘t help myself when it comes to comic book movies.

Well here’s a librarian minding his business then pop goes his head. Gotta love the puss out “killed in shadows” technique, but Disney wants that DC cred apparently. Then a chick in a mystic hoodie (who’s totally not the ancient one) chases the baddies out into London and fucks with dimensions to trap them on City walls. Then she whips out magic cymbals if only for Disney to remind us that they made Tron Legacy. But she Rinzlers the assholes until they figure “hey we can make portals, right? But lets wait a few minutes of getting our asses kicked before actually escaping.” These assholes were fighting over torn pages, right? There’s a revelation in this movie that makes this entire movie unnecessary, but i’ll get to that in due time.

Cut to the introduction of Doctor Strange, who shouldve been played by Liam Nelson, but these fuckjobs know nothing of good casting choices ala Quicksilver and Scarlett Witch (even though her tits are perfect for the role). So w/e, KHAAAAAAN is performing surgery while dancing to some itunes or w/e. I hate this fucking movie already!

If you guys dont believe Disney is riding Iron Man’s nuts so hard, your jaws will sink into the seventh level of hell upon watching the destruction of Steven Strange! They turned him into a… luigification (I still cant believe this is actual jargon) of mother fucking Tony Stark! Its ridiculous the amount of parallels they tried to create between the 2. Do they have mustaches? Yes! Are they extremely gifted? Yes! Are they rich and arrogant? Yes! But the comparisons end there! Stark is an arrogant bastard in his own douchbag way, but Strange is an arrogant bastard in a heartless sociopath way. As a doctor, it was his miracles that saved lives, all of which were thought impossible. But Strange was a truly heartless shitbird! He was greedy and cared only about money. He was materialistic to the core. He didnt even grieve the deaths of his family. He didnt give a shit. He would reject cases purely out if monetary reasons, not because they weren’t “challenging” enough (though it does his arrogance). There was simply nothing redeemable about his character. Period. The assholes who wrote this movie assumed, however,  that if the main character wasn’t funny, his asshole tendencies wouldnt be acceptable. And theyre pussies because of it!

Look, I know mother fuckers have it ingrained that comic book accuracy is pure evil, but this a rare situation where it would’ve worked. Because by the time Strange gets his hands fucked, the audience would already want him to fall from grace. And once it does happen, we can see the bastard spending away his fortune trying to find a cure for his hands, his medical career over, and he falls deep into the pit of despair. Once again, the cartoon movies did this better. We see Strange refusing to help fucking children, and he didn’t even explain why. Then we see him get fucked up, he spends his fortune, and after all that, he attempts suicide. He knows everything that made him brilliant… was gone and he had nothing left to live for. No family, no sex life, no nothing. Goddamn the lionsgate cartoons had more balls than all this live action shit! With those, we got a semi-accurate Strange with a sister he never had. Here, we have a “Stark” contrast to damn near everything he was. Honest Trailers should call this movie “Magical Iron Man” when the DVD drops.

But anyways, after showing off his rolex box set (if the movie wasn’t Stark enough), Strange gets into his aforementioned car accident (via distracted driving PSA) which ends with him landing into a pond. Im sitting here thinking “how does this not kill him!?” His shit is half submerged in water, he should’ve drowned! Oh well, if he died, no movie.

So its not until after his hands get crippled that he just becomes more of an asshole. He curses out his pseudo hoe who I swear was made up for this movie (you know, superhero movies dont need romantic subplots, especially if they’re half-assed in every single one of your films) and proceeds to bitch about his permanent arthritis. But then he gets a tip about a paralyzed basketball who somehow got his back fixed. Strange goes to find him playing baskOH SHIT it’s Halley Barry’s boyfriend from Catwoman! Probably used some memory charm to help him forget he was ever a part of that fuck piece. 

He tells Strange that he was healed by “The Ancient One” and tells him to head for Tibet… if it’s still Tibet, or was Disney so desperate to make nice with the Chinese that they decided not to retain the names!?

Either way,  Strange goes to. .. Tibet, it’s what it’s supposed to be,  fuck it. After some sightseeing,  he goes down a dark alley because we cant introduce characters without them kicking some ass. Strange displays plenty of of idiocy from here on out. Thugs appear to make his life even. shittier, so what does Strange do!? This incredible doctor of insane knowledge and experience! ?

He decides to PUNCH EMwith his little retarded hands!

Goddamn you’re stupid! You deserve to have yo ass whooped!  Instead of looking down and noticing you have 2 working feet by which you could RUN AWAY or KICK THEM, you decide “yeah, I can probably take them with my vegetable fingers”. After getting gang banged, Baron Mordo, one of Strange’s arch Nemesis’s, decides to buy his way out of 12 years of slavery via kicking the shit out of Strange’s attackers. Kinda wanted to see some mild magic use here, but I guess that would ruin the surprise.   Mordo greets him kindly and shows him the way to his master…. That sounded real bad…

To be honest… I actually liked Mordo here than in his previous incarnations,  even the cartoon version pales in comparison. Strange and Mordo hated each other since they first met, seeing as Strange knew dick all about Him but decided to get off his high horse and learn magic specifically to fight Mordo. Basically,  Mordo wanted to kill the ancient one and become the new sorcerer supreme. Strange, for the first time in his miserable life, tried to stop him but stood no chance against one of magic. Without Mordo, there wouldn’t be a Strange. Ofcourse they changed that in this movie, but… idk, im not too bothered by it, probably because Mordo was the best thing about this film, and that doesn’t bode well seeing as Mordo has some pretty insignificant contributions to the plot.

Anywho, Strange finally gets to meet the Ancient One. And yea, she’s looking whiter than ever before. It’s not enough that owns our debt, they now own Hollywood. But fuck all that! I dont care if the Ancient One is missing a dick… but why isn’t she… you know…. ANCIENT!?

Its not just the whole accuracy to comics aspect… BUT ITS IN THE BITCHS NAME!!! The Ancient One is supposed to be old and wise and all dat shit! What’s middle-aged Gabriel from Constantine doing masquerading as the master of the mystic arts!? Its like those bullshit ass X-Men movies now, every mother fucking  super hero has to be young… and sexy! Doesn’t matter if it isnt in the damn books, we need to keep audiences horny, right Aunt May!? 

I dont know why im trippin, the cancer patient look doesn’t do her any favors.

 Anywho, Strange is… Strangely polite in asking about Barry Man’s cure, and the AO (spelling iut ancient one is getting tiresome) messes with him, leading him on about cellular regeneration leading to a cure for nerve damage. But then she shows him a book on mother fucking kundalini. It didn’t take him long to lose his patience. It doesn’t help that AO kept pushing (cause she’s a bitch) but as soon as Strange lays one finger on her, she does a reverse Astral Form on him, scaring the shit out of him, and then flinging his ass across dimensions. This part was fantastic, showing the psychedelia of the Dr. Strange universe in one sequence! Hope you enjoyed it as much as I did, cause you wont get that until the end of the movie.

After the awesomeness of drugs, Strange is flung back into the real world to deliver his Trailer dialogue. 

TEACH ME!!!

….NO.

And then Strange is literally thrown out on the street. Good thing there’s no traffic, am I rite? So, AO is a dick. She teases him, mind fucks him into a terrified sissy, and then tosses his ass out into the street? …ok yeah, Strange could’ve apologized for being a dick and then basically demanding to be taught magic all after the fact… but you did push him into doing so, you fucking retard! How about instead of giving him false hope and then busting his balls, you could explain what it is you do and then see his reaction to it… LIKE IN THE ANIMATED MOVIE…. OR THE FUCKING BOOKS!

This whole sequence didnt need to happen, but because the AO is a sadist, she proceeds to traumatize a man for her own amusement. Then throws him out like garbage. How much humiliation does have to endure before getting somewhere in this movie!? Im assuming this is because Strange was (supposed to be) an arrogant bastard, the audience would agree that he deserves all of this misfortune. But he got Starked! Clearly he gives some level of shit to the point that he pulled a dying patient from the morgue to remove a bullet from his head, saving his life (which is some bullshit in itself, but that’s debatable). All I see is an understandibly frustrated man who lost everything and this ol… middle-aged cunt just fucks with him because she thinks he wasn’t humiliated enough!? He was just mugged, you inconsiderate bitch! If the studio wasn’t full of pussies and allowed Strange to be the notorious shitbird like he always was, I’d understand why they’d put him through all this nonsense… but I take his side on this whole scene. Its like:

“Lady, I know you’re all powerful or w/e, but i’ve been in a car accident, my hands don’t work, I lost all my money, my medical career is over, I spent what little I had on a plane ticket, and earlier today, I got knocked on my ass by back alley retards. I dun been thru sum shit! I didn’t come 15 hours halfway across the globe to be jerked around by some bald cunt who ain’t narry bit of Asian! if all you’re good for is messing with my head, I’ll slap you with the 2 fingers I got left!”

Goddamn this pissed me off. Anywho, Strange waits at Ancient Cunt’s door all night until Mordo lets him in. Knowing that he was mugged earlier, he’s damned moronic for waiting on the curb at night. Find some shelter, dipshit! Bah. He gets in and Mordo gives him a wifi password, along with the shit line “we’re not savages”. Tell me, where was the context for that joke? I dont remember anywhere in this whole movie where Strange implied that AO or her crew were uncivilized in anyway. But that’s because this movie has a REALLY bad habit of shoehorning comedy relief into any possible situation they can find. This happens far too often in this movie and epitomizes everything thats wrong with Disney’s mindset regarding these movies. Doctor Strange isnt supposed to be fucking funny! If it must have comedy, have it through clever and smart dialogue, not some BS like “try me beyonce!” Where its all too clear you’re just forcing it in there! Super Hero movies dont have to be hilarious from start to finish because then you can’t take the movie seriously! How can anyone enjoy the damn where every 5 minutes, we have to endure forced hilarity? Its insulting at this point!

W/e, Strange spends some training learning how to make portals, and the AO shows once more how much of an asshole she is. See, making a portal requires a double ring on 2 fingers and spinning your arm in a circle with a single finger stretched out. And you’re supposed to picture a location in your head to make the portal work. Strange’s fingers are fucked up so the process is more arduous for him. But because AO is a bitch, she pulls the… “universal talent”… argument? You know, the “well he could do it so you can do it too” fallacy? She calls upon a real Asian to show Strange that he has a severed limb, but he could still manage to make a portal with relative ease. Thats all fine and dandy except for 2 things.

1. He’s MASTERED the mystic arts and has far more experience than Strange.

2. He HAS working fingers!

Strange can barely hold a scalpel without struggling. I imagine the double ring feels like 300 pounds of pressure to him. There’s no getting around it, you need working fingers to pull this shit off without a hitch! But telling AO this would threaten her massive ego, so instead of teaching him the same thing she taught Barry Man when mending his spine, she teleports Strange to the Himalayas and leaves him to freeze unless he learns to make a portal himself. Ah yes, the ol’ “learning through the will to survive” trope. Not only is it wonderfully cruel, its also highly irresponsible. Strange just started learning magic, this is essentially his first fucking lession, and you shove him into a life or death situation!? 

Normally you’d have to teach him that physical limitations are simply an illusion, otherwise he’d never get over his crippled hand. Similar to the cartoon in some capacity! Well… with the exception of throwing a sword in his face, it was clear what AO was trying to teach him. Here, AO teaches him nothing! And then expect him to open a portal to save his life!? 

Well it worked, didn‘t it?”

Doesn’t change how dangerous that gamble was. Stupid results oriented thinking. 

Afterwards, Mordo teaches Strange self defense training with magical items. You actually see some improvement on his part, being able to conjure energy whips and what not. Maybe he got a boost of motivation, “I aint about to lose to no ni-“, but he still gets his ass whooped because… experience

Anywho, on his off-time, Strange visits the library to read and learn magic spells, his rapid improvements owing to his incredible mental processing of information, or “Mighty Whitey” invocation. Nevermind how he can read Tibetan script. We are introduced to Wong, originally Strange’s man servant in the comics (sounds bad, no?) who tries to threaten Strange about stealing books. Due to the events at the beginning of the movie involving Kaecilius stealing pages ohhhhh shit. You forgot all that. Despite his threats, Strange uses his portal spell to take books with Wong not knowing shit. Eventually, Strange learns about time manipulation and sneaks into the  Sanctum Santorum (Base of Operations for the Sorcerer Supreme) and finds the ever important Eye of Agamoto. 

Normally this trinket can only be utilized by one of pure spirit. But this is Disney so Strange can use it immediately. He plays around with an apple to test out his chrono powers and then uses it on the book where the 2 pages were torn. Rewinding time to see exactly what pages were stolen until Mordo and Wong appear to stop him. They lose their shit when they find out what he’s doing and warns him that tampering with time could have dire ramifications, like being stuck in a time loop where the same events woul d occur over and over and over again. But because he’s learned too much, Wong decides to school him in on what’s what. Strange learns about the 3 Sanctums and how act as a shield against Dormmanu, one of Strange’s most powerful enemies, and that all of their training is infact to safeguard Earth’s dimension from other worldly attacks. At first, Strange is in disbelief, but suddenly, Kaecilius attacks (was NO ONE guarding the fucking doors!?) and forces Strange to escape to the New York Sanctum. 

After being stunned by his own arrival, Kaecilius appears and kills the keeper of the Sanctum, and then attacks Strange. The “Mr. Doctor” joke feels about as phoned in as Angry Joe’s acting. Surprisingly,  Strange manages to hold his own with his patented energy whip… for five minutes until he pusses out and spends the rest of his battle running away. By now, however,  I’m dissappointed. I wanted to see battles of sorcery at work! Incantation vs echantment! Verbal invocation of spells! 

Instead we get bootleg Winter Soldier. Martial arts extravaganza! We get like 1 or 2 spells at best, but otherwise its a generic kung fu battle. Eventually Strange gets into a fist fight with Kaecilius who mocks him for rightfully sucking… and smears Strange all over the place. But at the last minute, he is saved by the cloak of… sentient levatation!?

….no, that‘s actually pretty cool. I shall allow it!

The cloak leads Strange to a mystical straight jacket (thats the best description I can give) and locks Kaecilius down, proceeding to interrogation. Kaecilius reveals that he used to be a student of AO up until he discovered that she had gained immortality via connections to the dark dimension. This would explain her asshole tendencies quite well. Kaecilius was more upset that she kept the secret of immortality from him. So he betrayed her, stole 2 pages from book of… something.. to invoke the power of Dormmamu and gain his long life. In exchange, they help him destroy the 3 sanctums thus allowin him free reign to fuck shit up. Basic villain motivation. Then Strange gets stabbed by air and is chased down a hallway by Deadpool…. no the guy from Wolverine Origins, Scott Atkins, he was the tightlipped variant. Strange is on the ground trying to make a portal to the hospital, and his cloak face fucks his persuer.

After escaping through, he quickly gets his girlfriend to operate on him.while that happens,  Scotty uses Astral form to break free, goes to the hospital and fights Strange in astral combat! This scene was so damn good. Their fighting causes ripples that disturb the operation,  thats a lotof tension in one fight. Eventually,  Strange finds that when his body is defibbed, his astral form discharges electricity, so he demands the voltage be turned and literally cooks Scotty’s soul.

YOUR SOUL MAKES A POOR MEAL!” Sorry….

After that, he returns after saying bye bye to his bitch and finds that Kaecilius escaped. And then AO and Mordo arrive. Strange wants while he steals dialogue from the cartoon. “I became a doctor to save lives,  not take them!” Which is a wonderful dose of hypocrisy. I mean… rejecting patients because they weren’t challenging enough!? Who are you shitting, man? Clearly you’re terrified, people with magic eyeshadow just tried to kill yo ass.

AO of course tells him he can’t back out because details. You know, details like Barry man who opted to fix his back and go play basketball rather than fighting dimensional warriors? The Ancient One is a hypocritical fuck job. Of course Strange gets pissed and confronts her on her little connection to the dark dimension. Truthfully, I’d be more pissed about keeping the true purpose of the training a secret, but eh. AO walks out resolving nothing, Mordo scolds Strange for being an ass (even though he has every right to be so at this point!) and then Kaecilius returns with reinforcement. 

*sigh* You guys know dick all about pacing,  eh? We just had 2 fight scenes already, and you wanna go again!? Allow the Audience to catch their breath! Anyway,  Kaecilius attempts to destroy the Sanctum, but Strange seals everyone into the mirror dimension,  its like a isolated domain that prevents magic from affecting the real world. But then Mordo reveals that because they are connected to the dark dimension, Kaecilius’s group grows more powerful. This is shonen anime levels of bullshit here, but TENSION! So Kaecilius warps the city into a distorted world. Buildings and streets are flying about. This would have been a cool scene, but its cluttered and clumsily animated that it feels like it was just thrown together to show off some visual style. Strange and Mordo try to escape but find thats impossible. But then AO returns (WHERE THE FUCK WERE YOU THIS WHOLE TIME!?) However,  Mordo spots red markings on her forehead and comes to realize that she’s a dirty hoe. Yep, the Ancient One is tied to dark power in this movie. Im surprised no one called this sexist given that when AO is female, her power is tied to something evil…. I shouldnt have said that

But it also confirms why through out the whole movie she’s been more of a cruel mistress than anything else. 

Anywho, they fight and something real bullshit happens.  AO gets killed by stab wound. How bullshit is this? Ok, Mordo explained that Anyone connected to the dark dimension grows in power, yes!? At the beginning of the movie,  we see AO not giving a shit about Kaecilius or his flunkies as she smeared them all over the walls. Clearly she’s more powerful than Kaecilius. And she’s connected to the dark dimension.  By that logic, she should have grown stronger in the mirror dimension. 

HOW THE FUCK DO YOU LOSE THAT FIGHT!?

She went out like a bitch in this movie! Hell, at least in the comics, it took the threat of Shuma Gorath (That squid from Marvel Vs Capcom, yes) to end AO’s life. And that was via demand in Strange to shut down his mind so that Gorath could not invade through AO’s body. Hell, AO’s death made more sense in the cartoon, at least there AO had exhausted his energy and grew weaker from before being murdered by Mordo. But here, this cunt had all the vigor and talent in the world and just lost!? It just shouldn’t have happened. 

But w/e, they escape, Kaecilius destroys the New York Sanctum,  and AO is rushed to a hospital. But before anyone can save her sorry ass, she goes astral and Strange follows suit, begging her not to die. AO says some motivational shit about how she knew her time end likethis or…. something. All things considered,  I say let the bitch croak. I dont give a fuck! AO has been a useless nuisance who didn’t really teach Strange anything of worth!

Any of y’all notice that!? All AO taught Strange was portal hopping, but because Strange had a damn good memory of book reading, he learns other spells all by himself!! What the fuck did he need AO for!? Just to humble his bitch ass!? Well w/e, after this unemotional death, Strange finds Mordo sulking about AO being a lying turd, how he vowed never to use dark power and feeling betrayed. Strange tells him to quit his bitching so they can focus on saving Wong who is currently guarding the hong Kong Sanctum from Kaecilius. 

And this final battle is damned lame. Kaecilius already destroyed the Sanctum (and fucked the London sanctum off-screen) thus allowing the Dark Dimension to emerge. However, Strange took the eye of agamotto and reversed time to before Kaecilius wrecked shit. Of course, rewinding time takes it’s sweet time and Strange and Mordo quickly rush to the rebuilding sanctum, ressurecting Wong in the process. But somehow Kaecilius and his crew manage to break free of the rewind (which is some bullshit) and intercepted their rewind. The Chaos Control is broken and DD is still raping the Earth. But then Strange gets a better idea. He grows a pair a flies headlong into the DD and faces Dormmamu alone.

Dormmamu! I have come to bargain!”

Ok so there’s no flaming skull but i’ll roll with it cause he looks neat! And then he disintegrates Strange. Wellshit!

But then Strange comes back, and Dormmamu’s all like “dafuq, I killed you!” And he does it again. 

And again

And again

After about 10 kills, Dormmamu goes nuts. Strange created a time loop in the DD! The bargain being that if he wants out of the time loop, he takes his goons off of Earth. So he does.

I admit, I cracked a smile during that bout. Out witting the Sorcerer Supreme of the dark dimension is so vintage Strange! But that does bring up a flaw. If Kaecilius could break out of Strange’s time warp, and he gets his power from Dormmamu,  but he couldn’t break out of his time warp… then Kaecilius is more powerful than Dormmamu, which is some bullshit.

Anywho, Strange returns the eye to the Tibetan sanctum and Wong tells him its a good idea not to walk around with an infinity gem… meaning the Eye of Agammoto is the time gem…. *sigh*

….You know what!? Fuck this movie! Right up its ass! Hard, long dick style, I dont give a fuck, fuck this movie!

Disney, You rat bastards! Do you know what the Eye of Agammoto is!? It is one of 3 relics created by Agammoto, third member of the Vishantis. Strange could utilize it for a number of different functions. It allows him to see passed disguises, banish demons, unseal dimensional doorways, use healing magic, creating illusions, probing minds, dispelling malevolent powers, suffeciently weakening evil entities, fuck me, the eye of Agammoto is some omni-powerful shit! Yes it has time warping functions as well, but that was ONE FUNCTION! Here!? Its all the eye can do! All because you think it has to connect to infinity wars in some way!? 

The Eye of Agammoto was a MAJOR contributor to Strange’s emense power! Not only that, but in many ways served as a status symbol of s/he who is the Sorcerer Supreme of Earth! Infact, I dont think the title of sorcerer supreme was even mentioned in this whole fucking movie!!! Why would you neglect something so integral to Doctor Strange lore!?

Damn you to hell, Disney! You’ve essentially CRIPPILED one of the most powerful heroes of the known Marvel universe in your misguided quest to set up future films! 

Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!

Well I’ll baww some other time. After credits we get Thor talking about him and Loki looking for Odin. These asswipes just make up plot holes to get you to watch these movies, I swear. And Mordo becomes evil (Obviously). I guess Barry man did get punished for bailing out. 😛

Doctor Strange is a much needed epiphany for the masses. That Disney’s comic adaptations are just throw away checks. In it’s entirety, the movie felt rushed. Having 3 action scenes squeezed together screams phoned in. The comedy especially falls flat with its throw away references to Beyonce that borders on cringe-worthy insanity. Its also clear that the writers had no idea where to take the plot at times. After the first half of the movie, shit just happens for no reason. The scene where Wong and Mordo explain what Dormmamu is, Kaecilius appears immediately and blows shit up, and im left thinking what the hell just happened? 

The movie lacks context. Barely anything in the film is explained or can be explained. Why is Kaecilius stronger in the mirror dimension via dark dimension? Idk. Why was barry man allowed to leave the Ancient One with his back intact, but Strange is scolded for wanting out? Idk. Why can Kaecilius resist time manipulation but Dormmamu can’t? idk. Why is the Eye of Agammoto a fucking infinity gem!? Idk.

All I can assume is they ran out of ideas on how to advance the plot, and started throwing darts at the wall.

Other than that, there are the characters too. Dr. Strange was turned into a less insufferable Tony Stark (im not happy about that either way). His entire demeanor is exceptionally fucked. I never imagined they could screw this character so badly, but i’ve drastically underestimated Disney’s capacity to rape their adaptations. 

But hell, that’s nothing compared to the Ancient One. She’s shown to be an incompetent sociopath who can’t protect her own sanctuary from lesser beings, and her treatment of Strange is unnecessarily cruel. And refusing to tell your students the true purpose of your teachings is irresponsible. I’d certainly want to know why your enemy would want to whoop my ass. Good riddance when she died.  

Wong just sucked. Nothing is redeemable about his character in any capacity.  

Mordo… was actually the only good character in the movie. His motivation for turning evil was handled rather well, all things considered. He’s a hard ass who was intensily against… fuck, that‘s bad syntax… Mordo hates evil, but when he finds that AO was a dirty hoe with dark power, he doesn’t know what to think anymore. He feels duped, betrayed, all that jazz.

Kaecilius was a walking deus ex machine. The stuff he pulls off in this movie is bullshit enchilada supreme with extra bullshit. Doesn’t that he’s the…11th marvel to not have anything that’s memorable (hey Disney! Heroes are nothing with out good villains! Learn that shit already!). Im shocked that Dormmamu was in the movie.

Trust me, this one is no where near as bad as guardians of the Galaxy,  but it is close. Its an easily forgettable film not unlike the Thor movies that shows the studio had no idea what to do with it. Which means that perhaps Disney should actually stop and think about what they’re doing. Disney only offers one style of writing and directing, and that levity-centric BS does nothing for Doctor Strange. What hope is there for Black Panther now? These movies are getting worse.

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