Its not mine

A guy from work loaned it to me, thinking im crazy for not liking Tekken. Is it so wrong to want Namco to make a decent fighting system that wasn’t prone to abuse or a roster that isn’t imbalanced to all hell?

I didn’t always hate Tekken. Back then, I didnt pay the series any mind. I was into Street Fighter, KOF, and Bloody Roar. Oh sweet back flipping cyborg ninja Ra was Bloody Roar amazing! The speed! The transformations! The feeling of power when you morphed! Knocking people halfway across the stages! Smashing people through walls! Bloody Roar was just an exhilarating masterpiece,  and a tragedy that it died so soon.

As for Tekken, it just couldn’t compare. The fighting looked slow and boring, and the characters were ugly as fuck. Hell, they looked like they belonged in a horror movie! Especially Yoshimitsu from the first game. The only thing I found interesting was Alex from Tekken 2. The boxing Raptor… thing. I couldn’t dig it otherwise. 

Shit, years later and I’m still questioning why people love it so much. Tekken 4 gave me an aneurysm with all the Jin fans running amuck. I never played 5 and folks swear its the best one. And there’s Tekken 6 and Tag 2. Where most of my grief comes from. Before then, I wasn’t aware of why people called Tekken a juggle fest, but by the balls of Ra, I would’ve sworn they were exaggerating. Its like spending a whole match trying to trap some poor bastard in a wretchedly long combo string they can’t escape from. Even worse was that juggling opponents deals massive damage, so its essential you find a nice, exploitable combo to destroy people with.

The fans are surprisingly tame, at least compared to Street Fighter fans. Those fuckwits swear nothing else takes skill. I remember them coining a phrase “Tekken is for those who failed at Street Fighter“. The smugness that wafts from where they scoff is too great. I think that Southpark episode with the smog/smug storm would’ve upgraded to worldwide devastation if those jackoffs were included. 

Anywho, after explaining, he invites me over to discuss other shit with his Spanish bitch, but that visit ends in Tekken Hybrid. A disc that includes 2 games and a fucking movie! Just damn! I could see shit like this justifying $60…. at least until you actually watch the movie. Anywho, we played Tekken Tag HD or w/e (HD remasters might as well have been a get rich quick scheme last gen.) 

You know what? I actually had fun with this shit!

The characters feel limited, and they’re as hideous as I remember, but the game itself felt like a more natural fighting game. I dont know how to explain it that, but lets say it feels less dependent on juggles or long winded combo strings and feels more like… Virtua Fighter with better physics. The characters all have basic moves and combos, side stepping feels less risky, music is a helluva lot better… though blocking doesn’t work as well as I’d hope. Seems to be a goddamn Namco tradition. 

Still, this is leaps and bounds above the otaku shit stains we have now. With amnesiac pretty boys and robot maid hoes, clones, and an obvious desire to compete against DOA. I’ve not been a fan of this series, but it seems like Namco fucked it up. While they were busy literally advertising how Tekken is the best selling fighter ever, they broke the game itself. More of their time seems to be spent on making their fighters pretty rather than enjoyable. Sure, if you’re just fucking around,  maybe you’d get a laugh or 2, but overall the combat is tedious. Kinda puts it all into perspective, though. These generations, we have fighting games that are all about long ass combo strings, its a wonder any fighting can take place. But hell, at least in other fighters, there’s a way out of that BS. Tekken leaves no margin for error. 

How is it that the universally labeled “most realistic fighting game evar!!” devolved into an endless succession of cartoony circus acts where you can be hit off the ground into the fucking air, carried halfway across the stage with half your life gone in an instant? And how is that even remotely fun?

Bah, I’m thinking gameplay exclusively,  aren’t I? It just seemed so simple back then. You can’t just jump in and play like in Tag 1, you literally have to study one character before being able to enjoy the game. Unless you use the Laws.