Well… shit.

 

I have to be careful with all this excitement. This games looks exactly what I’ve been wanting from this franchise for… how many years passed since Knuckles Chaotix? I mean… Techno Dreamworld is back!! Hell, Studiopolis alone looks mother fucking delicious!!

 

I’m not particularly thrilled about the first zone being a clone of Green Hill or that there’s only 3 characters to play, and while they’re ones I actually give a fuck about… no Espio? Rouge? Still no Mighty or Ray? Oh who am I kidding, since everyone including the guy making this game claims that extra characters are ruining the franchise.

 

Eh, I can’t complain too much. It’s more than I can say for that other game. I thought the whole “Retro Sonic meets Retard Sonic” gimmick was only for 1 game, what the fuck is this “Join the Resistence” bullshit with 2 different Sonics!? It’s like Sega wants to dig into the past and ruin SatAM (man this nickname is terrible).

 

I get this feeling that they’re trying to go the whole “alternate universe” gig that… surprisingly worked well for comic books. Sega’s never been subtle when it came to a direction that they’re going with in any franchise while half-assing the actual direction. And if that is the direction they’re going, it’s already being half-assed. You don’t need 2 different Sonics in 1 game to establish this, just make 2 separate series.

Again, I can’t complain too much because we’re moving away from that unmitigated shit piece that is Sonic Boom, and all it’s moronic supporters shall be silenced. Hopefully it stays that way.

I mean… just LOOK at Studiopolis!! That LOOKS like a goddamn Sonic game!!! Nothing screams “I wanna be just like Mario when the industry crashes!!”. That’s vintage shit right there! The animations are beautiful too! Did Sega really green light this!? I thought they were so busy trying to DESTROY the franchise!! It’s unfathomable that they even gave someone the go ahead to make an actual Sonic game for once.

I’m just hoping Taxman or w/e the fuck he calls himself resists the incredible urge to flood this game with puzzles and fetch quests, especially since western developers Jack off to things that pad out the game’s length. I’m looking at you Castlevania: Lords of Shallow. Tomb Raider 2013… practically any computer-centric game that came out after 2003.

I’m fucking serious, if I catch myself having to light some torches in some “intricate but horribly HORRIBLY impractical” method of opening a doorway, I will raze this Earth!

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