Granted, I haven’t played that long (first day and all), but man it runs like piss. Is it because I’m on a 2DS and it can’t handle the alleged awesomeness of the game, or what? Its like trying to play Diablo 3 on an old Windows computer, with those big ass blocky monitors from back in the day. And Linkle (Linket sounds better, btw)

Anywho, since I obviously haven’t played much, I can’t comment. So instead of that, I’m talking about LBX.

The greatest 3DS game ever!

Behold, young ones! You stare into the visage… of greatness!

CUSTOM ROBO! It was a work of beauty. One of the Gamecube’s rarest of reasons… to own that piece of shit console! Twus a game that me feel truly validated for picking the inferior console!

Actually fuck it. Custom Robo was the tits! I would literally spend an entire night just perfecting my Chickenheart wit the Splash/Air Dive Charge Combo and completely fuck up whoever thought they could win by spamming gattling guns, or going with the Lightening Sky Models and raping everything with the After Burners or the Hornets or what may have you. This shit would turn you into a retarded ass Batman, if you will! All this “prep time” and shit you had to deal!?

Ok look, Custom Robo wasn’t the most bomb game on Cube, but would you honestly pick dat Fire Emblem shit over fucking ROBOTS!?

So after what felt like an eternity after playing the inferior Custom Robo Arena on DS (I still aint finish dat shit), I was wondering “when NIntendo gonna come out with a sequel!?”. Yeah, I know, Custom Robo sold like shit,but so did Pikmin, and that weak ass series got a sequel just cause Nintendo has a hard on for big noses. And swords. Come on, 6 Fire Emblem characters? Just cause Sakurai loves that piece of shi-ok I’m rambling again.

If you or anyone else has been missing Custom Robo, LBX is literally the closest thing you can get to a damn fine substitute.

LBX is a “Mon” type game where the main character, Van or w/e, dreams of having his own killer toy robot. But his mama won’t let him have one because she has husband issues. But one day, a crazy stupid hot chick gives him a briefcase for no reason. Remember kids! Always trust strangers you would totally pork! ……God, that was horrible…

Anywho, when Van gets home, he cracks open the case to find a Mega Man toy.

After Van marvels at his first robot, he is immediately attacked by 3 robots controlled by literal clones (not making this up), so he grabs out his extroller (its a cell phone, really) and proceeds to tear ass. I have to ask, how the fuck do you control robots with cell phones!? It looks complicated.

After the mighty tutorial battle, Van finds his living room is fucked up with bullet holes (O_O) and what not. Yes, these things CAN kill you. And just when you thought he couldn’t be more fucked, his mama comes home, sees her son busted to the living room to shit… and then sees the blue LBX. Logically, this would be his ass for days… but she just says “ok w/e, have fun honey”.

So, the next day, the Mama basically reveals that “It is time for Van to RISE AND BECOME A HERO!” Yeah… the story is kinda dumb, but surprisingly well told that you don’t care about the logic. That or my expectations were severely low.

I’ll say 1 thing, this game gets a thousand bad ass points for actually trying to use a toy robot… to assasinate a mayor! Or using toy robots to send a train running out of control, or just using these toys to initiate a large scale energy crisis. The amount of plots used in this game, and the sheer scale at which they present the dangers of said plots are at times amazing. Sure, the plot loses points for literally having people that cheat Van’s way into victory… over… and over again, but eh. And Amy is completely useless as a person. Otherwise, the story is manageable, and interesting for an excuse plot.

As for the actual game itself? Virtual-On with better controls.

Battles can be fought from 2 to 6 players in typical 3rd person action. Like Custom Robo, you have the opportunity to customize yo shit before a fight. Unlike Custom Robo, fights aren’t entirely dependant on your current equipment… or at least the guns.

You have Guns, Swords, Spears, Knives, Hammers, all kinds of fine weaponry to equip your death machines with. You can also customize the robots entire frame with different set pieces. So you can have like a Gorilla’s arms with Chameleon feet. Why you would want that is anyone’s guess. Beyond the robot frame and weapons, you can also equip special moves which (like lots of games these days) are prone to micromanagement, and they aren’t really all that useful except for the crazy overpowered Super Moves. You know, the ones that have those long cutscenes to emphasize the seering pain it will inflict upon your soul.

Beyond that, you can also customize the Robo’s internal circuitry. Yeah, no bull. You can literally crack the muthas open and fiddle with their CPU, their battery, the core, the processor, all of these things really affect the stats of your robo and how well they perform. Defenses, how many stocks of super guage you get, how fast your guages charge up, how much you resist certain attacks, the kinds of special moves you gain access to, all of it is in the internal parts of the robo you have.

First time I played this game, this shit confused me. Cause there’s so much to keep track, especially the different parts being of different shapes and sizes, so you couldn’t have like several different pieces all over the place. It’s like Resident Evil 4 inventory management system where you’re constantly rearranging shit around to make stuff fit properly just so you can have more room for shit you don’t need. It just ends up with you screaming at the screen until you’re blue in the tits.

Tedious customizations aside, the battle system. You’ve got regular controls, and you got touch screen controls. Both sides are optional, so… don’t worry. Since my shoulder buttons are all shit, I had to stomach the touch screen for certain functions ANYWHO…

Like I said, battles can be from 2-6 combatants on-screen. You can use either a combination of close range or long range attacks. Depending on the gear you have, your robos can be slow or weak. Swords and Knuckle weapons are usually the fastest up close while Polearms, Hammers etc. are slower but hit harder, you get the idea. Also depending on your parts, your robo will excel at certain weapons better than others.

The fighting itself is at a decent pace, if you’ve played games like J-Stars or Digimon All-Star Rumble, or even Xenoverse, this game is pretty similar to some extent. The difference is this game plays better. For one, it doesn’t whore itself out to some puss ass Stamina system (even though LBX still has one). Another is that the fights aren’t as chaotic as the other games, so it’s easier to focus on the actual combat.

1 thing I will say is that guns… dominate… everything. Keeping yourself at a distance and shooting people will often win out more than close quarters. Especially those goddamn snipers with their… high damage… bullets! Its always those damned Snipers that destroy everyone!

So that’s the only real bad aspect of combat in that guns are easy mode and swords are for the non-pussies who know how to get around them. There’s nothing hard about using close-range weapons, but its dealing with bastards that know how to shoot and aim.

….I really don’t how to describe the combat, ok look ITS JUST FUN, ALRIGHT!?

with all that said, there is an aspect of the game I really don’t like, and it’s the sidequests. These are the only real shitty parts of the game, and them being optional, yes I know. The problem with the sidequests is knowing exactly what you are supposed to do. This is a game that really needs a serious game guide with details on everything. There was this one sidequest where you are sent on an errand to retrieve, are you ready for this!? FUCKING CUP CAKES! Not exactly the item, but close enough. You’re supposed to go to this food area and ask a lady if they have any. But you find that they don’t, so you go back to the girl that gave you the quest, but she tells you the same thing. Bring the bitch some cupcakes. Now, I scoured what little internet I could use to see what was wrong, because it took me 1 whole month to figure this out and complete the whole quest. Getting the cupcakes… is entirely RNG based. So you’re supposed to go back everyday, periodically, and check to see if they have cupcakes. And this is RNG, so you’re gonna be checking it over and over and over until you get those cupcakes.

This is one of the most obnoxious, arbitrary side quests in the whole game, and the reward for that quest is mediocre. Thats kind of the thing. Sidequests offer very little in the way of rewards, and if you’re lucky, you get an LBX card (I’ll explain later). Otherwise, they’re a waste of time and not worth the effort of long ass treks between different city blocks (too much backtracking)

So that’s 1 segment of replay value, the rest is… basically going OCD and trying to find more robo parts and sets, and the best way to do that is through the LBX Arcade, where you find LBX cards, slip em in a machine, and then fight the cards themselves. This way, you can gain new parts… randomly. Yeah. You know where that goes.

Overall, sure, I might’ve exxagerated on how awesome this bitch is… but shit, idc, THIS GAME IS BEYOND A FUCK LOAD OF AWESOMENESS! If you need action games where you kick a lot of robot ass, LBX is the game for you! I guess Level 5 gotta compensate for Nintendo’s bitch asses while they futz with Pokemon’s generic gen 7 names.

Seriously, “Sun and Moon”? Could they be any less original?

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