I was havin a conversation the other day… with some asshole… on what the worst thing about today’s games is that is keeping people from enjoying them, starting off with Mario. Funny, he’s proclaimed himself to be a Nintendo fanboy but… can’t seem to understand why Mario is shit today. He’s played and praised just about every 3D Mario up until 3D World, which is odd considering that game tries to be a 3D NSMB game. It’s odd how Mario fans seem to hate the Mario games that don’t have bullshit in them. I tell him straight up that it’s because the game’s main objectives stem from needing to fetch shit. I think Mack pointed it out in an earlier post about Extrinsic motivation.

Modern games are all about extrinsic motivation, game’s main campaign mode = one big extrinsic motivator, extrinsic motivation –> long-term goals, everything you do in RPGs and collectathons ultimately serve to progress the campaign mode.

To translate, you become the game’s bitch. You do all this goofy shit just to progress. And ultimately, that’s what it comes down to where the game plays you and not the other way around.

In the case of 3D Mario, what is it that you are ultimately doing? Running around trying to find random macguffins to progress to the next world/hub to get to more worlds and repeat the process. These are very time consuming objectives, and by the end of the game, you’ll be exhausted from the game’s own stupidity and bore-ish activities to bother with a second playthrough.  The very nature of 3D Mario goes against natural progression.

Now, the odd thing is when I talk about fetch quests being a pain in the ass, I’ve not had one person disagree with me… until now. For some reason, he took offense to the notion. You know what this bitch said?

Does Pac Man suck then? After all, it’s  a fetch quest. You move around a board trying to collect dots.

….Now how many of ya’ll would sit there and think “he’s absolutely right”? A good portion, I would bet. Because Pac Man was pleasantly popular way back yander, this would give credence to the notion that “fetch quests are A-OK!” So of course, the normal response would be to say how different Pac Man is from 3D Mario games in terms of how you do this “collecting”, but this would make dumb fuck go on to say “then we change it to the way Pac Man does it”.

Instead, I asked him what he liked most about Pac Man. I asked if he enjoyed gobbling up dots.

His response is “I mean, that’s just what you gotta do to-”

“Naw dawg, do you like that aspect?”

“It’s just the thing you do-”

“Mother fucker, do you like it?”

“…..Naw man”

“Then what do you like about Pac Man?”

“I don’t really like Pac Man”

“What’s that mean? Do you like it or not?”


‘Then why do you think people like it?”

“…..I don’t know, it’s just-”

“Ok, you don’t know. Then how the hell do you figure that people would up and like fetch quests because Pac Man had it?”

“I didn’t say that!”

“But you implied it, foo!”

Anyway, I don’t even have to explain the differences between Pac Man and 3D Mario, it’s as clear as daylight. W/e the case is, yeah, there’s plenty of Arcade games that have bullshit in them. That’s why a good majority aren’t remembered fondly, you see. The question we should be asking is why games still have them. If we have fetch quests because of Pac Man of all shit, then all this talk about improving gameplay is hot air. Todays designers have made Pac Man’s gameplay WORSE, if that’s the case.

Why this person felt the need to justify the bullshit we have in games today by reaching back into history to grab up at least one example of this shit existing is beyond me. And so many people of this generation are so prone to doing this. Just because a previous game had something… doesn’t make it good! Sonic Adventure 1, Heroes, and Shadow the Hedgehog had characters talking to each other. That doesn’t automatically mean it’s a series staple that has to be revived for later installments, especially if you’re gonna make it many times worse!

Now they talk too fucking much! This is distracting and irritating, and is nothing like A4O. Nothing they say s even remotely funny or interesting, it makes them out to be a bunch of college douche bags. Shit, I was right when I said the characters are co-opting actual interaction with you and someone else, thereby making it less fun for everyone else.

Aside from that, Zelda games had puzzles since Zelda 3 on the SNES. Doesn’t mean people like or want them back. Just because old shit had vices doesn’t mean it’s ok for new games to have them. And for the record, Pac Man wasn’t a fetch quest in terms of how 3D Mario and all other shit like it does it. But apparently, that won’t stop people from using it as an example.

But see, that’s the thing. He was so busy trying to be a smart ass, he glossed over why Pac Man was crack, man. And he didn’t know at all. Our generation today has a hard time explaining why old shit was popular because our tastes is supposedly different from the generation previously, and because everyone is a graphic’s whore. People today just get offended by shit for no reason. No one has fun doing fetch quests! But beyond all reason, he seemed to think it was important to 3D Mario in some sort of way. How? I doubt he could explain. He just wanted to be a smart ass. People don’t usually react with statements like that unless they truly felt it was wrong in some way. He even admits that he doesn’t like most platformers that have the same damn format as 3D Mario, so there’s no way in the jaws of ammut that he could love fetch quests. But because “Pac Man supposedly had them”, it’s ok for current day platformers to have them because Pac Man was popular.

History shouldn’t be a crutch to justify the vices of the modern world. It’s like when some boot lickin negroes would go around the bush spittin about how “Africans sold Africans into slavery”, a loaded statement if there ever was. Instead of forgiving the ancestors for their part like they forgave the white boys, since they obviously had no problem forgiving them, they choose to justify an atrocity.

Our generation has to be some of the dumbest mother fuckers in the world. I can see why Sonic Retro’s asshole is so tight, you’d need a jack hammer to squeeze a nickel through their butt cheeks. Stupid mother fuckers like this are so common. Their intent isn’t to have rational discussion, but to either learn for fucking argument, or to be funny. In the case of gaming, it’s like moths to a flame. It attracts some of the worst people ever known. Mainly because video games are such an unimportant aspect of people’s lives, there’s less chance of people taking shit personally. But damn if it ain’t irritating.

Seriously, Pac Man? I actually played Super Pac Man, Pac and Pal.. damn, Namco actually fucked them up, going on dumb ass’s logic and making the “fetch parts” more un fun than usual. You have to actually find keys to open up fruit gates and stuffs, they made it tedious as hell. People like cleverly navigating the mazes to avoid ghosts and doing cheesy cool shit like waiting for them to get lose before eating a super pellet. The act of eating pellets is just what people do to complete  stage, what makes it exciting are those asshole ghosts. 3D Mario, you’re just doing goofy bullshit to collect your prizes one at a time. And it’s not like the pellets at all, this shit is spread out through so many worlds and you need a certain number of them to progress!? And the numbers get bigger as you progress. Pac Man is a set maze, the objective is the same. What changes? The intensity of the danger. Those ghosts get smart reaaaaaaaal fast.

I mean… how the fuck do you compare Pac Man to 3D Mario based on an objective? It’s like the dumbass that tried to say Sonic Riders was a Mario Kart ripoff because the Speed/Fly/Power typings were similar to weight classes. Fucking Nintards, man.