1.

I’m assuming people want my take on this seeing how the last post got taken over by it. First thing’s first, Game Theory is an irritating youtuber who’s “theories” aren’t even realistically sound. For one, he had made a video in which he tried to prove that Super Mario was faster than Sonic… by using a PORTION of SMB1’s 1-1 level and judging Mario’s speed in reaching this PORTION of it…. while comparing to the amount of time it takes for Sonic to reach the end of Green Hill Act 1. The WHOLE fuckin act, I might add. 1-1 is, by all, a very short level while Green Hill is already lengthy.

But ignoring that, he’s made a video that’s preaching to the choir. People have known that innovation does not sell ever since the Gamecube bombed. People are aware of it considering the amount of pissing and moaning people have done over Call of Duty (mainly, the Nintards). The problem with the video is 3-fold. Number 1, he implies that the world of the internet is not aware that their tastes are in minority opinion, so the only people he’s talking to is the Nintendo fans… which is a pointless endeavor because as long as one game makes it over the 1 million mark (Epic Yarn), then fuck all the facts, PROFIT WAS MAED! We don’t know how much to make a difference to Nintendo, but it’s good enough for those assbites to win their pointless debative crusades against “da haters“. There’s no point to explaining shit to Nintendo loyalists no matter how many facts you pull up. If people like BlackB0nd have trouble getting anything through their thick ass skulls, then a guy with a million subs (which he flaunts as if to establish his credibility) isn’t gonna make any difference.

Number 2. If you’re gonna tell Nintendo fans the truth that breaks the camel’s back, don’t puss out and start praising Nintendo for their past history. There’s NO data showing how influential their “innovative” motion and touch screen controls are. After all, that’s why every limp dick fuck that watches this video keeps praising it, yet there’s nothing about them innovative controls.  The Wii’s best selling games are majority-wise the ones that don’t emphasize the motion controls and are just decent games. Yes, Wii Sports/Fit are titles that baffle the fuck out of everyone, but looking at Brawl and NSMBW, even NSMBDS, the innovative controls have never been necessary in the first place. Just admit it. Innovation in ALL sectors don’t sell people (often). How in demand are innovative control schemes? Instead of looking on the internet and assuming innovation sold Wii’s and Nintendo games (a contradictory fact), you could poll some assholes on the street to get real information.

Going  step further, there’s nothing innovative about motion or touch screen controls in the first place. Shit like this has existed since the goddamn Power glove. Nintendo basically took advantage of it and made video games a little “cooler”. Driving controls with a motion controller isn’t innovative, but it feels smooth as hell. I can’t even look at Sonic Racing Transformed the same way as it’s prequel on the wii. Where they started fucking up was making certain game inconvenient by making titles like Skyward Sword and Metroid Corruption WORSE.  The point still stands that innovation doesn’t sell. Praising the Wii for innovating and “changing the industry” is a bald-faced lie. And again, I can’t help but wonder if this was mentioned just to deflect any criticism he might/will get from the religiously over-zealous nintards that will watch the video.

Number 3. Why thank you! As borderline retarded shit head, I was previously unaware of what football is. What kind of condescending asshole thinks that’s funny?

I think this video has gotten enough unwarranted attention.

2.

With my righteous and furious anger of Resident Evil 6, I had originally proclaimed to never again look to Resident Evil for survival horror. Unfortunately, my will is not that strong and even after Mikami left, I am still RE’s bitch. So hearing the hype around Revelations, I decided to pick it up and am fucking glad I am still it’s bitch. Revelations is fucking gooooooooood!

The most amazing thing about this title is that it is completely free of quick-time events! Now if that’s not a miracle, I don’t know what is! Though I suppose being a handheld port, there be some perks to that aspect. I suppose Capcom figured Nintendo fans were “pussies” that couldn’t handle QTEs or something. But w/e, I’m happy as hell. Secondly, the game’s controls are actually good for once. Yes, it’s that same RE4 turd person element, but it actually feels improved. Unlike RE6’s weird ass control set up, your character’s movement while aiming is quite fast and smooth where as with 6 it was slow and clunky.

Other than that, melee attacks while not in aiming mode have been vastly improved. Instead of these slow attacks, your character has very quick attacks that have no hit stun but provide damage while you can move at the same time. Not to mention there’s no… fucking… STAMINA meter to look after! You can melee to your hearts content…. unless your enemies have quick mobility.

But the most important thing is that the game is actually scary. Not since RE3 has the series given me quite the shivers and tension that RE was known for up until now. Since then, I’ve been playing the games for story which is a bad thing. Story should not be the sole reason to play any game or else you might as well be watching youtube. This game, holy shit, all the moments I screamed “FUCKIN ASS” when some scary shit popped out had to have been a record.

The environments are also highly reminiscent of REmake’s mansion in regards to the residential cabins on the ship. There’s also a casino… for some reason. Basically, story is a ghost ship where Jill is tasked with investigating as well as trying to give the player a boner given the cleavage shot and tight swim suit that she wear for the whole mission just so we can see that she stole dat African booty as well.

Stupid Sexy Valentine!

Unfortunately, the game’s not perfect. While at first the game boasts what we’ve come to expect from Resident Evil games, ammo starvation and all, it goes into bullshit territory by requiring you to empty out your ammo reserves just to move on to the next area. Yes, the controls are actually suitable for combat for once, but that does not mean you make combat oriented challenges in the game. Sometimes in order to survive, you AVOID enemies. Plus,there’s lots of swimming involved, and I’ll be the one to say that swimming in 3D games have never been fun, but for some reason, developers are enamored by swimming in 3D. As if seeing underwater environments with ass controls are some sort of godsend. And the puzzles are still here (such as needing to turn on/off 3 different valves in 3 separate areas). Otherwise, if you need an RE fix, you can’t go wrong with Revelations. I assure you, you won’t be dissappointed, especially if you came off of RE6.

3.

Dumbass wants to make MOAR Nintendo DLC for Sonic’s Lost Mind.

I think this confirms that Lost Mind isn’t made for any audience and is simply a game that satisfies only Iizuka and Nintendo’s own tastes.

“Sonic Lost World is a title that only released on Nintendo hardware, which is an opportunity that I couldn’t believe, collaborating together. This time, the appearance is interesting, as combining Sonic into such a world is extremely foreign, and I wanted to aim at the unexpected.

“The team says that the music, sound and songs of The Legend of Zelda were entertaining to try and re-create and is now interested in working on more levels that allow it to collaborate with Nintendo.”

I don’t know whether to laugh or shit vomit. If anything proves how anti-consumer Lost Mind is, it is the DLC’s that do not fit within the context of Sonic the Hedgehog. Lets be frank. No one in the world wants Sonic to promote Nintendo’s bullshit. Not anymore at least, but this nutless moron sees a “creative opportunity” to make more Nintendo DLC. The dipshits who supported this out of some asinine desire to “show support for the company” aren’t even taken in consideration when these assholes are making the decisions. When people bitch and moan about how awful this assimilation is, what does Sega do? They want to make MORE of it! Great job, Nintendo! Not only was Sega bad at business decisions, you’ve poisoned them with your “in your face” attitude in lacking empathy for the customers and instead drown themselves in their own desires.

A company that moderately listened to their fans has now eaten the forbidden fruit of a company that has lost all motivation or desire to serve their customers. No, lets shove MORE shit that people don’t want into the series because YOU like it, and that makes it ok.

Iizuka and the rest of Sonic team has no idea they’re fucking the pooch by doing this. They’re offended by BRB’s retarded boom designs, but they find no problem shoving Nintendo IPs into Sonic and further destroy the franchise’s identity by assimilating it into games of a company rival!? When does the stupidity end!? Sonic was promoted as a Nintendo killer! That has been one of Sonic’s core trademarks since it’s conception. The other being speed and attitude. You’ve removed the attitude, you’ve removed the speed, and now you’re removing the will to compete against Nintendo.

Great job assholes, you’ve officially killed Sonic the Hedgehog.

You can’t blame this on Sonic Colors. No, you need to throw fire at that Olympics crap. That’s where this mess all started. All because Sega wants that Italian sausage.

Enjoy it while you can, you punk bitch.

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