Yes, I’m aware I’ve posted less shit over the course of the holidays, but Borderlands 2 is some drug.

The FPS genre honestly continues to be more fun than Super Mario these days no matter how much the nintards hate it. Borderlands 2 is a real treat. Honestly speaking, this is probably the only damn reason to own an HD console. This game is great. It’s fun, it’s funny, and you get the natural sense of feeling like a bad ass.

All this while still being shit in the gameplay department

Borderlands 2 is the unfortunate new wave of slower paced First Person Shooters on console that emphasize taking cover and popamole tactics rather than busting through a door with led farms in hand, caps in ass action. Plus, the “realistic aiming” bullshit that pervades FPS’s like having the character try so hard to steady his damn arm that simply moving the sticks does jack shit because he keeps waving that bitch around like he’s on his 50th red bull. It’s a pain in the ass when trying to snipe a bitch, especially since snipers are the only viable fucking weapons of attack it seems.

But…… that seems to be the “in” thing for FPS these days (along with those awful reload animations). Realism aside, I had no idea what awaited me as soon as I leveled up for the first time. The game took the RPG label seriously. I cannot stand it when games do this. There are entirely too many fucking games that have RPG elements where they don’t need to be in. I have to question why developers keep pulling shit like this. The RPG genre just isn’t that popular. It’s an embarrassment to call yourself a WoW player, not everyone wants to admit to liking Pokemon, and damn sure no one cares about Final Fantasy. For the sake of our sanity, stop putting these RPG elements into genres we actually enjoy! And for Borderlands, this shit is a hindrance.

Alright, so peep this. I like snipers, right. I’m hanging back, wit my Zero in tow with all them sniping crit skills all up, got my damn Jakobs sniper wit about one fitty tree on damage, and taking headshots on bruisers. Where is my one hit crit bitch!? I gotta shoot the mother fucker 5 mo times before the mother goes down! DAT AIN’T RIGHT!

Do you know…. just how un cool it is to have a tried and true tactic of BOOM HEAD SHOT not work anymore because for some reason, the enemy has beefy stats compared to your own? FPS games generally have this tactic as a means of “fuck this enemy, moving”. It doesn’t work here because now things come down to stat comparisons. Your natural FPS instincts are denied in this game because of the RPG elements. You know, most games with RPG shit has it toned down, like you just level up for no reason half the time. You don’t even know Xmen Legends has RPG gunk in it. Sengoku Basara? It’s still kinda hack n slash anyway. Ratchet and Clank? Still an action game and totally NOT a platformer. Borderlands 2 goes out of it’s way to prove it’s an RPG and you will DAMN SURE remember it! And none of this rings truer than in the weapons department. Mostly with manufacturers. Jakobs and Vladof Snipers are the bomb while Shotguns are Torque and Theodore or nothing else. But with that comes research. If you want the best weapons, you need to look up manufacturers and their benefits, know your classes and what true benefits they have, think of proper builds and stuff, you know, all the shit you wouldn’t normally need to do for a proper FPS.

Now… this would’ve all be fine and dandy, I guess “try something different”, because it still as the same conventions of an FPS, walk into an area and unleash more “strategic hell” against enemies from different vantage points, using grenades wisely…. but a game of this calibur works with a slower pace. After a couple of Hyperion levels, the game starts cranking up the enemy counts tenfold. Now the game thinks it’s a goddamn twitch shooter! Fucking buzzards and goliaths will rain down a godly fucking firestorm upon your sorry ass. You would be POWERLESS against the onslaught since halfway through the game, you can no longer ambush enemies as much, now they ambush you twenty times over, and they just keep coming! One after another! I wouldn’t mind if the game didn’t have enemies that dwarfed not only my size, but ALSO MY FUCKING STATS! I created a sniper build Zero for a reason. I likes to snipe! I’m put into positions where getting a decent sniping vantage is drastically reduced unless I’m outdoors. That fucking area where I’m trying to kill Angel, Oh Amma, I will have NIGHTMARES FOR DAYS! Robots, Badass loaders, and barrier bots one after another, and this is all after a boss fight so you know I’m tired as hell once I step in this piece.

That’s another problem this game has. It has terrible pacing. At one point, the game might be speeding along with it’s main game with enemies and enemies and no breaks in between, other times you might just be roaming a large and open field without anything happening. It’s nerve racking and a bit fucked up considering all the ammo starvation that goes with it. You know how scarce sniper ammo is? I’m surprised the boom sticks get so much love in this bitch! If you go through ammo like a mother fucker, The Gunzerker is your man. He can refill shit at will without needing to check for boxes.

And they killed off the only African mother fucker in the game. Sons of bitches.

This is why I feel that content is more important than gameplay. Borderlands 2 is content overload. You’re a couple of treasure hunters stranded on an alien planet that’s been given the “Mad Max” treatment with corporations ruling everything, you have all these different gun manufacturers with different quality weapons that literally turn you into a gun connoisseur (I felt weird talking about the quality of recoil with certain gun makers), the thought of being stranded in a wasteland with bandits that try to kill and rob you all for the sake of survival…. it’s like Metroid Prime, Ratchet and Clank, and The Last of Us all had a menage fest going on. And….. Handsome Jack. If there was a single villain that motivated you based on pure assholiness and the desire to shoot someone so badly, hands down this guy deserves a reward. Not only is he a sarcastic douche bag, he’s also a cunning bastard too! Fooling you into taking a virus contained power core and shutting down the Sancturary’s force fields to rain down a fire storm on the city was fucking gold! That was genius!

If only the music was much better….

Dude, fuck it. If you ain’t got this game, buy it.

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