So delectable.

I can see right now, those writers are so fired.

Before I take a hiatus from Sonic posts (because Amma knows this series has become damn near UNINTERESTING to write about nowadays), I have to take a moment and marvel at this oh-so stunning revelation amongst the Sonic fandom. That’s right. Something we REAL Sega fans figured out long before this interview was posted.

According to this view, Pontac and Graf know jack shit about Sonic the Hedgehog (no surprise there), but that’s not what pisses people off. What’s become so revealing is that the writers had to look up information about the series…… on goddamn wikipedia. SEGA THEMSELVES did not provide any real info for them to go on? Strange. Though I’d have to wonder what their train of thought was when they did lines for Sonic Generations, that game alone is one big ass history lesson, and until I get some confirmation about how much communication the writers had for Madworld, it’s the best clue enough to know SOJ don’t give no damns about Sonic the Hedgehog. And everyone is freaking out about this.

I love when the fandom gets smacked right in their upper story, forcing the reality of the situation that SOJ does not give a rats ass about Sonic the Hedgehog. The games since 06 could tell you that. Yuji Naka’s non-presence tells you that. It takes an interview with a crappy writer to tell you that!?

It should’ve been common knowledge since the release of 06 for the PS3. If they really cared, they would’ve taken the extra time to work out all the nasty kinks in the PS3 version (a good 2-4 months at best should’ve sufficed, but noooo!)

And here’s my favorite quote.

I think the main problem here, as many people have stated, is that Sega just doesn’t care about their old characters, including their own mascot.

I have heard speculation (and this was just someone’s opinion, really) that Sega is no longer interested in Sonic because he’s designed to appeal to the West (I mean, Sonic seems more American than anything else), and they want characters that appeal more to the Japanese. Sonic doesn’t have as much appeal in Japan like he does in Western countries.

Hehehe penis pumped up!

And this is just for the story bits. You know, that thing that the hardcore nerds constantly remind you that is NEVER IMPORTANT for a video game…. ever. We shall roffle at that later.

What is going on now is mass panic at the thought that a franchise with such a reputation is in the hands of a development team and a publisher that could not give any damns. We could understand for Devil May Cry (it’s not that popular), or F-Zero (again, not the popular) for why developers couldn’t give a damn, but for a company mascot that is the nigh primary source of profit for the company overall? Commence the Hysteria.

After a while, people will begin questioning the true motives behind the creation of Sonic Colors and Generations, the further history behind Sonic X-Treme, what really went down with Sonic 06’s hellish development cycle, etc. If Sega cared this less about communicating info for a game’s narrative, then what other damns couldn’t they be arsed to give? Why hasn’t the content of Sonic ever been good since Naka left? Why do the games control like pure ass after 06? Why the retardification of Knuckles? Why the Nintendoification of Sonic!? Why is no Sonic game leaving impressions after 06? Why is the series no longer on the radar for anyone to care about a new release? Why do people no longer know that Sonic games are still being made? Even with that piddly ass commercial for Lost Mind?

Now they have the (pointless) suggestions of inviting the writer to their forum so they can screw up any chance of a decent storyline forever. Since the fans are incapable of rational thought, they’re also incapable of rational story telling. And regardless, a good story wouldn’t save Sonic as long as that content is ass. Everything about Lost Mind is too kiddy to be perceived as having a good “story”. From the saccharin and lazy art style to the disjointed and “mechanical” level design, to the horrendous and unmemorable music, as well as crappy villains, there was no chance in hell of the game being a success even if it had decent writing and a better plot.

Lost Mind in a nutshell


Nintendo ruined any chance of Lost Mind selling, but it’s clear Sega was in it for paper just like that new Olympics game that recently flopped (BWAHAHAHAHAHA). Even my detractors couldn’t disagree now than ever that Sega couldn’t give a damn about Sonic the Hedgehog. It’s just there to get chump change to fund whatever game they REALLY want to make. Look at the new Yakuza Restoration, the entirety of Phantasy Star Online 2, and beg the question of why Sonic didn’t make the cut for Project X Zone which I’m sure flopped as well. Can you see it!? Can you see the OVERWHELMING amount of care Sega has for the Blue Blur himself?! Can you see the love and affection the series is getting? It’s so important, Sega DARES their own staff to learn about the series on their own! Such knowledge is TOO GREAT to be shared up front with deadlines flowing out the bumhole!

I mean, where else is Pontac supposed to get decent info?

Konami had more respect for their retro throwback games (contra, Castlevania, and Gradius), Sega puts ZERO effort into Sonic 4! That’s no clue!? No desire to patch up 06 for the PS3 release! No clue there!? Hmm? Werehog to pad out Unleashed? Not putting Sonic into a proper Crossover with Mario because Nintendo wants to be unique!? No Sonic for Project X Zone!? All Sonic games since 06 leaving fans with flavor amnesia!? Constant outsourcing of 2D Sonic to Dimps because they don’t give a hoot about fan demand!? And now no communication with staff on characterization for Sonic characters, but desperation to the get their PRECIOUS JAPANESE DEMONS (the Zeti) to be perfectly fit into the game!?

If 7 years of mediocrity, Nintard trolling, and mortification from Sega overall isn’t enough to tip you over the edge now, I don’t know what will, because these same sorry asses are gonna live in the realm of false hope. “Oh lets just speak to the writer to make sure the characterization-” mutha fucka, that won’t work without a reboot. Consistency is NON-EXISTENT within the Sonic franchise! You need to reboot dat shit before trying to get anything right. Everything is so wrong with Sonic’s universe, it’s baffling why people try to piece together plot holes about the damn moon.

But if Sega doesn’t care, then hell with it. Sell the Sonic franchise to another publisher. And no, NOT fucking Nintendo. They’re still Japanese, and the Japanese in general can’t stand Sonic’s urban essence (which is why the Zeti were made). It needs to be in the hands of a WESTERN DEVELOPER. Idk, Insomniac maybe. Someone that ain’t asian. Sega and Nintendo have destroyed the franchise and not a fuck is given. Proof of the pudding is right there with that interview. Giving pointers to the writer will not alleviate that as long as Sega of Japan/Sammy is in charge. As far as they’re concerned, they’d kill off the franchise if it didn’t make them any ounce of money.

But…. since that’s not happening ever, then kiss Sonic’s blue ass goodbye because he’s gonna get Mega Manned in the future. I guarantee it.

I don’t know why they make shirts like this.