MK9’s Story kills off everyone for no reason.

In Mortal Kombat 9, the game acts as a semi reboot sequel to Armageddon. At the beginning, we see a glimpse of everyone that is dead and Raiden sends a message to the past… you get the idea. So… by the end of the story mode……. everyone dies anyway. Except for all the crackas.

I don’t get the idea behind the need for Raiden to be tasked with the need to save the world from armageddon….. and having led to the death of everyone close to him anyway. What’s the point? If they’re going to do an MK10 (which they will), then this shit needs to be resolved. Oh I’m sure they might just make the characters appear anyway (Because NO ONE ever dies in Mortal Kombat as they say) but it just reeks of bad plotting. Especially in regards to Sub-Zero, who’s transformation into a robot feels tacked on. No… really, they make him a cyborg in the story which would give him some Robocop plot of fighting to maintain his humanity…… and then he’s killed off anyway.

It begs the question of Peter Griffin’s Breakfast machine. What was the point of all that!? The character arcs and development that went on throughout the story are rendered arbitrary and useless as everything that occurs up until Sindel’s massacre is thrown into the garbage. Liked any of the characters not named Johnny Cage or Sonya Blade? Namely KUNG LAO!? Well that’s too bad! You’re gonna have to deal with that shit…. man! Or blame it on Raiden being a dipshit who can’t do anything right. Like saving Smoke from a pack of ninjas, but refusing to do the same for Sub-Zero…… or…….. graveling to Quan Chi to exchange the souls of earthrealm’s warriors for a chance to save Earth realm from Shao Khan….or…….. KILLING Liu Kang and acting all surprised that he killed Liu Kang with his GOD LIKE power.

……I never liked Raiden anyway.

Deadpool’s game has no point.

Yeah, fuck all the marvel fans foaming at mouth. This shit irks me.

See, the quality of Deadpool that makes him so popular is his randomly fitting quotes of comedic genius and breaking the forth wall multiple times. The problem with breaking the forth wall is that it’s only funny when it’s RARELY done. Self-aware characters are only funny with a perfectly timed fart, where as High moon studios is a fart that’s been going on for 2 hours.

See, everything about this game is ruined as soon as you start the story. It lets you know that everything that goes on is a video game. The point of the game is for Deadpool to make a game while pretending the plot is serious. A game about Deadpool doesn’t have to be serious, believe me it would’ve been worse, but don’t kill the joke before you get started! If the audience is made aware that the whole premise is just filming for a game, then the audience can’t even get into the game. Like when Deadpool talks about a cheap prop in his apartment. It’s not funny because the sense of randomness was destroyed. Why? Because we’re already aware that everything is fake and a game by the game’s own narrative. A lot of the game’s jokes center on breaking the forth wall and talking about “funny tidbits” that occur in video games, but it’s not funny because the content makes you aware that it’s all about making a game anyway.

Do you see where I’m coming from!? Cause I don’t even know what the fuck I just wrote!

Lisa and Zack are literally the token jobbers in DOA5’s story mode.

Ok, I have very little familiarity with the story of DOA…. but according to the asinine fanbase, Zack is supposed to be a pretty bad ass fighter. So….. why is he just being a punching bag for every character that appears in the game? And Lisa? Shit, people fight Lisa for ANY reason, it seems. Kokoro fights her for accidently bumping into her during a DANGEROUS EXPLOSION WITH CHAOS ERUPTING IN THE STREETS! Their lives are in danger, but “Hmph! That’s no excuse for this woman-chan to knock me into the ground during mass hysteria! Fuck that, my friend-chan!”

This is just unfortunate implication up the wazoo.

Zael is a hypocritical Jack ass in The Last Story.

Ok, for a guy who goes through the trouble of wanting to be a knight, and then finding out that knighthood is nothing more than an excuse to rape and pillage regular ass people on the Gurak continent, then refusing knighthood from Count Arganaan because he’s a dick, and then proceeding to destroy the Outsider Cannon, he changes his tune when HIS folks are getting attacked.

No really, he was fed up with Count Arganan’s bullshit, knowing full well he abuses his power and authority to plunder other people’s because of that weapon he uses, but decides it’s best to use it anyway when the Gurak decide it’s payback time for the nigh destruction of their regular ass women and children. You’d think Zael would be like “no… you deserve this Arganan” or something, but he goes along with this mutha fuckah to use the cannon to destroy the Gurak anyway.

Ok, fine. The Gurak are also attacking regular ass people (and had 2 prior invasions as well), but at some point, he should’ve been going crazy and think “if these knights were doin shit like this to THEIR people, is it really US that are the instigators!?”. He doesn’t even think about that, he goes along with the genocidal plan anyway!

And to add insult to injury, the cannon didn’t do shit. Of all the…

Another thing that irks me… if Dagraan was so pissed off at General Asstard for leading an attack that led to the deaths of his family and comrades, why not just kill him and be done with it!? No, he ends up becoming the final boss and trying to gain ULTIMATE POWER for himself while manipulating more wars to occur. If war was something you were against, you’d do all you can to PREVENT that shit from happening. Or maybe he just likes power….. cause’s a Maruk.

Why isn’t that Castlevania Arcade game ported to the Wii?

The controls use technically the same shit that is the Wiimote. So why isn’t dat shit on wii!? We got dat weird ass fighting game instead! All the missed opportunities….

Why does Leo care so much about some onboard computer in Zone of Enders?

See, in the game, Leo is a kid who grows attached to a computer AI system on-board of a flying robot bad ass called Djehuty. It’s ok, cause he’s a kid….. and kids are naturally kinda dumb. But as he grows older in the sequel…… he still has a hard on for a disembodied voice chip. Even more disturbing, Dingo (the 2nd Runner or w/e) implies that there’s an actual, amorous relationship going on between Leo and the voice chip. What fuckery is this!?

Damn that Trans-humanist agenda.

Aya should know better in Sonic Unleashed.

One of the side stories you get to do in Maizuri is help a woman find love. Well, not really, she finds it but her father doesn’t approve. So you go through some shit ( I used a completed save cause I wasn’t about to replay the damn game), eventually the father approves and Aya can finally marry the man of her dreams.

Problem is that man is from Shamar. And if Sega was going for realism, that Shamar person would’ve killed every Masai in the village if he had the chance. Or enslaved Aya and her family for castration.

See, Maizuri is based in African, Shamar based in Middle East….. let me be frank. Arabs fucking hate Africans. I don’t know why, nor do I care. This relationship offends me and realistically would’ve never went down so simplistically like it did here. I know the Japanese are (willfully) ignorant of the world around them, but dammit, do some research beyond other world mythologies. Otherwise, you’d make Sonic out to be the biggest moron in the world.

Speaking of the world, why is everyone so calm when the shit is split apart?

Tis all.