This was done at the request of an apparent pussy who doesn’t like obvious bullshit being described in quote…. “derogatory terms”

There is no greater proof in the fabric of our broken universe that could describe the level of “no(censored)togivery” of Sega’s handling of the Sonic the Hedgehog franchise…. than this game. In spite of all the (censored) hype, we see for ourselves the extent of false advertising Nintendo and Neo Sega have cooked up for us. What is this specialty dish? Something that delivers flavor amnesia. It is the most hollow dish ever cooked up. If Suge Knight ran the gaming industry, caps would fly in the direction of Ota Tokyo, Japan itself. No further proof is needed beyond its very plot.

I think it would be a waste of time describing the gameplay seeing as it’s already being dissected and berated. When the very people who anticipated the so-called “greatness” of Lost Mind’s gameplay turn around and criticize the gameplay, you know it’s (censored).

Thinking of Lost Mind’s story, the only thought that comes to mind is…

There is no point. It is only there to cause you pain. So much pain, my mind split in 2, and now I hear a voice in my head that tries to destroy my sanity.

Oh please, Heru! I am only your conscience trying to make you see the light!

Watching Lost Mind’s movie is like getting Eiffel tower’d by imbecilic Japanese designers who haven’t the vaguest clues as to whatever the concept of Cohesion is. There are so many unexplained behaviors and plot points that, as typical of Japanese writing, leaves the audience in a state of stuper wondering if they had witnessed something anime-ish… or something Iron Man 2-ish.

Oh Come on Heru! Do you really think the story is that bad?

It’s been a good 24 hours and I still don’t know what the (censored) is going on with this plot. All I know is Robotnik wants to drain energy from the Earth to make a giant robot he could easily make without any real effort. The question is WHY!?

Robotnik just wanted to conquer the planet! Perhaps he needed to make a powerhouse robot to get er done!

You nearly wipe out the planet, risk 6 psychopaths destroying the planet and all just so you can make a slightly more powerful robot. For all the talks of Robotnik being “epic”, he sure is too smart by half. Why not use Chaos Emeralds, the Master Emerald, or just… you know, BUILD one from scratch if the most you’ll do with it is make a giant robot?

Robotnik would have the plot of draining the planet’s energy to…. reduce the world’s natural resources and collect the remaining amount for himself to create reservoirs of fresh water and food where the denizens of the planet would come to him and serve him if it meant getting something to eat and drink. Silly Sankofa.

Does he do that? (Censored) no, he dumps that (censored) into a giant robot and thinks “Well, I’ll just conquer the world this way!”

So what?

So what!? Robotnik’s character is (censored) because his actions are excessive, unnecessary, and puts the planet at risk for no apparent reason other than to make a giant robot to beat Sonic and conquer the world in an irrational method. I mean, why choose the Lost Hex as a region to build an energy drainer? What’s so special about the Lost Hex itself?

………Anyone? Any ideas?

Well, it’s… just some remote location that’s not affected by the drain machine. And he would just turn it into another Planet Wisp, all slaved up and (beep).

However, he keeps talking about how unstable it is. That’s a giant red flag that Robotnik is a (censored) idiot. If it’s unstable, the risks for completely destroying the world are very high. Then there’d be nothing left to conquer. And what if Cubot got a hold of it and decided to juice himself up because dat (censored) be kickin? And why does Cubot sound like Bert and Ernie!?

Despite the fact that it appears to be operating at 100% capacity, if the machine is that dangerous, and there’s no apparent contingency plan, Robotnik would have been responsible for destroying the world all for the sake of trying to conquer it. This seems to be a trope of Robotnik’s plans in every game. He’s always risking the world trying to conquer it. And then justify the necessity to team up with Sonic every time shows his level of incompetence. WHERE’S DA (bleep)ING EPICNESS!? This guy has the dumbest plan in the whole universe of plans and plandoms!

And why bring the Zeti into this?

Well, building a machine in Lost Hex might’ve caused suspicion and they were probably trying to chase him away because……he was suspicious?

But there is no context to explain how these 2 met. We just know that Robotnik controls them with an Ocarina and forces them to round up small animals. Why?

……Because he needs a robot army comprised of badniks.

……Wait…

*waiting*

Why is he going back to using Badniks!? He had superior robots from Sonic Heroes all the way up to Colors. He could build highly advanced war machines with much more deadly fire power and diabolical weapons….. FROM SCRATCH! Why does he need to capture animals for Badniks when he’s shown the capacity to build them all from scratch?

…….Because nostalgia. The game was meant to harken back to the good ol’…..

But it’s Nostalgia without Context! It has no consistency with previous entries which this game is taking place after. It connects to Colors which connects to Unleashed, a game where Robotnik had a (beep)ing armada of war machines, and a weapon capable of decimating an ENTIRE PLANET! He surpassed the capacity to create the Eclipse Cannon! Why would he go back to using outdated tech that Sonic’s had plenty of experience destroying when Sonic is at the border of being an omnipotent warrior!? If an army of iron soldiers could not take him down, why create an army of Badniks!?

……Because that’s what the Zeti are for. It’s the job of the Badniks to create a large army for Robotnik to conquer the world, while the Zeti must kill Sonic.

…….Why does he need a Badnik army?

…..To rule the world with an iron fist!

An army is made to defend a home turf. Or to invade other worlds.

Right, right.

But if Robotnik is draining the life of the planet, wouldn’t that kill most of the denizens of the planet? It renders any potential resistence effort pointless because their resources would be severely reduced. So without much life…

But he only wanted to borrow the energy, not drain the life out of the planet

But the machine is also unstable, meaning it could (beep) up at any moment.

uh…

And even then, wouldn’t it be smarter to use the Zeti’s natural powers of manipulating magnetic fields or w/e the (beep) they said to try to make them sound cool…. to shut down any power sources the denizens might have, radar systems, weapon counter systems or some kinds of awesome (beep) to render the entire planet defenseless and ripe for conquering!

But the planet draining machine does that already.

But at a greater risk of DESTROYING the planet!? The other idea is less resource draining.

OH the hell with it! Look, even if Robotnik did all that, Sonic would ruin his plans like always.

So why lure Sonic to a location where he’s most likely to ruin Robotnik’s plans anyway?

Um… so the Zeti could kill them?

And why does he need the Zeti to kill Sonic when it’s been proven that even 2 gods (Chaos and Gaia) were no match for him!?

Because Robotnik’s uh….

Stupid as he hasn’t learned from past mistakes, or that the Japanese get caught up in tropes and formulas? They’ve made Robotnik the biggest retard in the entire game!

But it works out better this way because the Zeti have a “personal” reason to betray Robotnik rather than jut deceiving him, which makes the relation between them more tense.

So why do the Zeti no longer care about Robotnik and instead obsess over Sonic?

Because he’s kicking their butts, that’s why!

And why is Sonic fighting them when Robotnik no longer controls them?

Because they decided to use the life draining machine to make themselves extra powerful

What for?

I guess to compensate for being beaten by Badniks?

But they were beaten by an Ocarina. Robotnik caused them pain using a musical instrument. That’s embarrassing alone, but now that he is without it, they can focus all their frustrations on himself. They can control his badniks and pretty much crush them with no effort because he is defenseless. Why waste time with that damn machine!?

Well I guess it’s because Robotnik has a bodyguard in Sonic.

Whazzat?

Sonic and Robotnik make a deal with each other to help stop the Zeti from using the life draining machine.

But if they weren’t using the machine….

Then Sonic and Robotnik wouldn’t need to team up.

If they wanted to pay Robotnik back for all that suffering, couldn’t they just go kill him at that moment and not use the machine?

But they wanted more power!

What for!? They’re powerful enough without that (beep).

Oh, and you criticized the naysayers of Gun toting Shadow?

(beep) you man. All I’m saying is their current motive is revenge against Robotnik. But they move on and say “well we want more power just because”.

Well, power corrupts, and absolute power corrupts abs-

Oh shut the (beep) up with that gay (beep)!

Besides, they also want to destroy the planet itself to get back at Robotnik.

And that solves nothing because Robotnik would still be in their world messing things up. What if he found that Ocarina again? They would be screwed.

……Good point.

And later on, they completely forget about Robotnik and obsess over Sonic, wanting to turn him into a robot sex slave. What would be the point of that?

…….I don’t know, I guess they needed to create some sort of motivation for Sonic to fight against them.

But the Zeti have no real beef with Sonic. It was all due to Robotnik’s enslavement that they were after him. Now they’re obsessed with him?

Maybe they want a bodyguard to keep Robotnik away?

They could’ve killed him by now!

So what are you trying to say?

The Zeti are the biggest dumbasses in the story. Bigger than Robotnik and Modern Knuckles! These are the (beep)wits Nintendo and Sega tried to hype up as deadly threats!? They’re a goddamn joke!

Well, you never had high hopes for them in the first place.

That doesn’t mean they have to fall further than the depths of Anpu’s underworld below my expectations! I had no idea how accurate I was when I described them as “6 deadly retards”. They lived up to my insults pretty well!

It would’ve been better if they just focused on trying to beat up Robotnik, which would give their actions of doing evil crap more weight and generate sympathy for their cause. Sympathetic villains are pretty (beep)ing popular, or are Shadow the Hedgehog, Gerald Robotnik, or (beep)ing MAGNETO of X-Men just all figments of our imaginations!? Instead, they just do (beep) and piss everyone off, try to make robot sex slaves out of Sonic and Tails, and try to murder people over the desire for power. Why!?

Because they’re dicks?

WORKS FOR YOU, DOESN’T IT!? I mean, think about the scene where Robotnik punishes them with the horn, you see them writhing in pain, and the music plays off that this is a horrible act of abuse on Robotnik’s part. It’s a scene that’s supposed to invoke sympathy. But once they’re free, they decide “well, lets just kill everyone”, who wants to feel sympathy for these bastards? They justify their own enslavement and abuse making Robotnik the lesser of 2 evils! Damn this is some bad plot!

I see. Your main problem is how the villains are portrayed. Well, the good guys should be in a better position.

Well, no.

Are you pissed that Knuckles isn’t relevant again.

Actually, I’m glad he sat this one out, along with that annoying (beep) Amy. I don’t have to see him derailed 20x more than usual, and I don’t have to hear her voice for the majority of the game. But his screen time is so low, he’s invisible. His voice actor must be underpaid as all hell.

But they got Sonic and Tails right. ….Right?

Don’t get me started on them. It was bad enough they were both hyper smart asses, but I think Tails’s change in behavior was awful.

What!? You’re kidding right? You always complained about how much of a pussy he is in the games. But here, he takes charge and kicks enemy ass!

Yeah, all after the fact. Tails’s behavior has no cohesion whatsoever. First off, his distrust in Robotnik, while warranted, is actually not based on suspicions of loyalty or past experience in knowing that Robotnik is a deceptive little (beep) bird, but because….. he was jealous!?

Well, how would you feel if your best friend trusted a known enemy who had been trying to kill you both from the start?

Why didn’t Tails mention that BEFORE they made the alliance?

Maybe he didn’t think about it before.

But since he went along with it so calmly up until he had to fix a voice chip, his sudden outburst makes very little sense.

Well they were rivals back in Sonic Adventure 2.

Like that has anything to do here. I mean hell, he’s making Sonic look more mature and rational than ANYONE in the series thus far.

Well, why IS Sonic so calm when he knows Robotnik as well as anyone else?

Sonic is just as stupid as Modern Knuckles. He falls for Robotnik’s BS just as much as anyone.

Sonic OVA

AOSTH

SATam

Few times in Archie.

SA2

S06

Unleashed (His Super Form for (beep) sake)

Generations

His mind was already lost with this game.

Then again, he was disgusted with the thought of working with Robotnik.

But….he agrees to a truce with no hesitation.

Well, that gives Tails the purpose of being the voice of reason as always, right? He reasons that trusting Robotnik is bad mojo.

But he does so for unreasonable factors. Why does he suddenly feel that Sonic doesn’t trust him after like…. 12 (beep)ing games!? He’s proven himself a million times the world over that he is an asset to Sonic. Not only that, but they’ve teamed up with Robotnik several times in previous titles and he’s NEVER had this issue before. What makes now so special?

But in those games, they teamed up in desperate times, so-

Don’t give me that bull(beep). Past experience said any truce made between Sonic and Robotnik was always for a better end. Robotnik and Knuckles…….not so much. Tails had nothing to worry about given previous experiences, making now completely contradictory to continuity. Why? To give Tails a bigger role?

It would appear so.

So they forced some random plot of envy just so Tails wouldn’t be extra baggage? Well aren’t they kind.

But you’re always complaining that the other characters don’t do anything while Sonic is around, so now you’re complaining that he has some relevance to the plot?

That wouldn’t be so bad if the element wasn’t just shoved in as though it were an afterthought. There ARE good and bad ways to give characters a role in a story. Sonic and Robotnik’s roles……somewhat make sense as their alliance is the main point of the plot. Tails is…. mostly just there again to help out like always. If you wanted Tails to have a bigger role, you need to start AT THE BEGINNING of the (beep)ing game! You don’t just set up a plot point in the middle of the story that is

1. Inconsistent with the character.

2. Inconsistent with previous games

3. Lacks any logical reasoning behind said plot point.

It should be well known that Sonic trusts the ever loving (beep) out of Tails to point of Broken backs!

Well there was the scene where he turned Cubot into a crab. And that was a mistake.

Refer to #1. Tails is NEVER crap with technology. This random act of idiocy where he turns Cubot into a battle crab that just up and attacks him for no reason is completely out of character.

1. Tails would’ve known the ramifications of putting Cubot’s head onto a battle crab because he had already STUDIED the damn robot when trying to inspect his voice chip.

2. Tails has had enough experience trashing Badniks to study those bastards as well to know if it was a good idea or not to make Cubot a battleroid.

That is a forced element! And why is there!? To have Sonic berate Tails for nearly getting himself killed, potentially having Tails doubt himself and his abilities, questioning if he’s an asset or a liability to Sonic… that kind of (beep)

Oh, so it’s a good forced element?

Hell naw, they don’t take that (beep) anywhere. After all that, Tails is captured because Sonic knocked his ass into a trap.

And I find this funny because Sonic doesn’t notice 2 things. When he says “I wasn’t fast enough to save him”, he forgets

1. He knocked him into the trap.

2. Acknowledging Tails for saving his sorry ass.

#2 bothers me because it gives credence to Tails’s suspicions that Sonic probably doesn’t respect or care about his abilities, but throughout the rest of the game, he cries like a girl about Tails being in danger. He only acknowledges his mistakes when he does something to screw up Robotnik’s plans, but with Tails, he doesn’t even think he did anything wrong.

So…. so Tails was right all along?

…….Holy (beep), it’s so poorly written, IT’S (BEEP)ING! GENIUS!!!!

Ok, so back to Tails…

Ok…. why, when the 6 deadly retards discover that they caught the wrong guy in their trap, did Tails not attempt to escape when they were all arguing with each other? He just sits there looking pissed off.

……I don’t know.

You wouldn’t. Ok, after that, at the end, the Zeti appear with Tails looking like Wolf o Donnell, he attacks and beats back the Zeti long enough for Sonic to finish the job.

Yeah! Wasn’t that awesome!?

Mmmm… Kinda…

Oh what now!?

You remember when Robotnik said that the Zeti could manipulate yadda yadda and cause any kind of electronics do “interesting things”?

Uh… yeah?

…..Why don’t they do that?

Do what?

Use those powers against Tails?

Because Tails isn’t a Robot!

But his tech is still electronic.

Yes?

So, if the Zeti weren’t so retarded, couldn’t they have just turned Tails’s weapons against himself and Sonic, possibly causing some form of mind-controlled suicide?

Isn’t that a bit gruesome for the children?

…….Don’t make me respond to that, I’m getting quite tired of writing this damn post!

So is that a bad part on Tails or the Zeti?

No, just more plot induced stupidity, I suppose.

Well, the Japanese version might be a little different.

I don’t give a (beep) about the Japanese version, ain’t nobody except the nerds gonna import this bitch just to find out how different the international storylines are.

Wait a minute. I think you complained more about Plot holes rather than a lack of cohesion.

What’s the difference? All I know is this game’s story makes less sense than Colors did.

How the (beep) does Colors not make sense!?

Why does Robotnik keep making theme parks?

Oh, we’ve been through this Heru! Robotnik’s theme parks are fronts for him to make money and fund his technological conquests! And the theme park in Colors!? We’ve been through this already too! It’s a front so that no one knows that Robotnik enslaved an entire alien civilization to use their powers and create a mind control device and take over the world!

I rest my case.

Wait… what?

I said less sense than Colors. I don’t know why he would need aliens to make a mind control device considering his prowess in creating a machine that can BEAT SUPER SONIC but when you look at the overall picture and the end result, Colors’s plot makes more sense than Lost Mind’s plot. It’s terribly written on all accounts, and it’s too kiddy, but it makes more sense than Lost Mind. Lost Mind is the epitome of nonsensical plots. The alpha and Omega of stupidity. Not only did they ruin Knuckles, but they dropped the ball hard on Tails with just one title. And the old Zeti uses fruit to fight Sonic.

So what?

Oh, no reason, just thought it was gay. This story just…. ugh…

Wait, wouldn’t that prove that Japanese writers can make a better story than western writers at times?

You just said that because Shadow did.

But he’s right though.

(beep) off!

But at least they got Sonic right! And that was their main goal with the game!

You know, it’s funny you say that because I thought getting a character “right” was to improve his overall presentation, NOT UNDERMINE EVERY OTHER MOTHER (beep)ER JUST TO ACHIEVE IT!

And besides that…. Sonic is the screwup, and we’re told by the (beep)TY WRITERS that “just because someone is a screwup doesn’t mean they’re stupid. It’s how they fix their screw ups that prove if they’re a hero!”

And how did that work out?

Sonic doesn’t fix anything.

…….What?

Yeah, he basically does what Samus did in Other M and pretty much just beat up random people, while everyone else actually solves the problems. Tails pretty much solves all the problems in the game. Sonic is just the brawn.

….Well… I mean…

Shut up, stupid voice! Sonic is in role reversal mode where he’s now the useless one. His entire purpose was to fix his mistakes, but he doesn’t fix anything! Tails saves himself and the whole world. 2 of Sonic’s problems.

GREAT JOB ASSHOLES! Sonic’s big moment of character development and/or purpose of the story is REVOKED by Tails! You know what that means? Any character in the Sonic universe who is an asshole will always be the hero! What GREAT morales you are teaching todays youth! Sonic becomes a pussy and he’s now useless. Tails is the jackass and becomes the hero.

Huh… that did happen huh?

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK THIS GAME AND FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK THE CENSORSHIP!

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