Well, that spoiler I got was a half-truth it seems, but man, this shit they got in Lost Mind is just tacky writing all over the place.

Here are all the scenes from Sonic’s Lost Mind to save you money.

This thing had me going for a while. I was thinking “Well, they got Sonic right I think. They probably took a few tips from SATam and Sonic Underground. You know, shows with GOOD WRITERS for once”. And then they proceed to shit all over that by forcing a sense of “despair” and desperation into his very soul.

Ok, lets go by the numbers.

1. DROP THE CRITTERS EGGMAN! WHOA! THAT’S HARSH!

2. Knuckles is once again shafted by Amy. Oh, and they become completely irrelevant for the entirety of the game. Fuck it, they aren’t even in the game.

3. Why is Robotnik’s new base completely in the dark with a few spotlights?

4. I like how the game pretends we have no idea who the Zeti are by obscuring them behind shadowy silhouettes. We’ve had like a million trailers for them, but you’re acting like we just met.

5. Wow Tails, Sonic only asked if the damn plane was fixed, no need to be a smart ass about it.

6. Hah, music hurts them. Puss ass Zeti.

7. Oh look, they took the machine from Sonic 3K Mushroom Hill Zone which drains the planet of it’s energy. But it’s “Unstable”.

8. He smacked Sonic with a goddamn sandwich….

9. The cutscene every X’er grew moist on where Sonic says “GONE” and the retards go wild.

10. Wait… something doesn’t add up. Zavok lamented that Robotnik would be destroying the world by using that machine…. but decides to use it anyway to make him and his friends uber as shit!?

Or wait… he wanted to destroy it all along, but drops that plan and decides to make himself stronger anyway……. bah I don’t get this shit…

11. TEAM UP!

12. You’re kidding right? Did they actually try to squeeze in some envy plot for Tails? He just randomly thinks Sonic trusts Robotnik more than himself to turn off the machine. And he’s quite bitchy about this for like… 1 more cutscene and then it’s completely dropped.

13. Robotnik’s lack of emotion while using his “SHOCK VALUE” dialogue to curse out Zavok in the snow is amusing. I mean really, it’s like Pontac took some tips from Deadpool’s game and thought internet commentary was good source material. Sonic and Tails literally say “WHOA” when Robotnik says “I’ll get fat from eating your Black Hearts!” That scene alone was just painful to watch.

14. So, Tails gets bitchy again and turns Cubot into a crab, gets attacked, and then has Sonic berate him. Yep, I fucking hate this story.

Tails fucking up with technology is the most forced element in the whole damn game. Especially for a side plot that literally goes nowhere for the rest of the game.

15. Haha, Sonic smacked Tails right into a trap! I like how Sonic laments that “he wasn’t fast enough” to save Tails even though it was by his own hand that Tails is screwed.

16. It’s a trap they had no interaction with, Zavok. You can’t fault them for Tails getting caught, and not Sonic. I like how Tails just sits there doing nothing but looking pissed off. He doesn’t even ATTEMPT TO ESCAPE!

17. So now Sonic is overly dramatic because Tails is not present. I really love how forced this all feels. And now Zavok wants to roboticize Tails. THE…. TENSION!

18. And Robotnik falls into lava. I like how ineffectual Sonic is with his supposed death. And he just continues onward.

19. Damn, they made Tails look like Wolf O Donnell from Star Fox! DATS TIGHT! DATS TIGHT!

20. Of course Tails was faking it. And with that, the 6 Deadly Retards have been defeated! Yeah…. that’s the last time you’ll ever see them. No, srsly.

21. Oh look, Robotnik faked his death and just used the energy to make….. a giant fucking robot to kick Sonic’s ass. Oh and it has a cape too! CLASSY!

22. Aaaaaaaand…. Robotnik’s beaten, they go back to civilization, there’s a joke about Robotnik having his mustache eaten by a Rabbit, and the end.

……This is some shit. I think Sammy has a natural talent for hiring SHITTY TALENT for everything. Bad developers, bad voice actors, bad writers, awful directors, etc.

Knux and Amy weren’t even in that shit. Sonic is bipolar, Tails is a jackass, Robotnik has no personality, and the biggest insult is that the Zeti weren’t even important. They weren’t even needed to make the plot work. Their motives make no goddamn sense. First, it seemd they just wanted to kill Robotnik, then they change their mind and decide they want more power, and then they seem intent on making Sonic and Tails their slaves. They’re just there, they have virtually no interaction with each other beyond a few lame insults, there’s no actual chemistry between the Zeti and I feel pretentious just saying that.

I don’t even know what the fuck is going on anymore. Tails was supposed to be jealous of Robotnik for no reason, and thats dropped almost immediately. Sonic was supposed to have some sort of “guilt” over being a screw up, and that isn’t written well at all, and none of these plot issues are resolved by the end of the game. The Zeti aren’t even seen or mentioned. Fuck, Sonic Riders Zero Gravity had the characters lament about the history of the fucking Babylon Aliens and how they might want to go back to space, before taking on Jet in another race. I mean goddamn, the whole plot is a waste, and those assholes X’ers enabled Sega to make a shit story because the “gameplay is the most important element”.

And I’m hearing NOBODY likes the gameplay either!

But who am I kidding? Later on, I’m gonna be hearing about how well this game topped UK sales charts and that will disprove all the naysayers wrong about how the smallest market indeed shows how great this game is.

GOOD POINTS of the story.

Sonic had his jackass tendencies (for the time being)

Tails actually beats the main villains, harking back to his days from the Game Gear… if that counts.

Cubot and Orbot are practically invisible.

 

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