Port of The Wind Breaker, coming to the Pii U soon!

I’m starting to wonder if Nintendo is planning on making Toon Link their new mascot. Because right now, their insanitycomes off as dangerously creepy.

Yeah, they went there

They are literally generating hype for what is a PORT of a decade old piece of shit that no one liked. Even officials inside Nintendo knows people don’t want this game. And yet, Aonuma is convinced that this title will do well.

Bundling the Wind Breaker with price cut Pii Us is a deceptive little strategy to artificially inflate the sales of the game itself. It’s sad, though, that many within the company have such little confidence in the title that they’ve made a separate Pii U bundle with NSMBU instead, hoping that the name brand will edge out the inevitable failure of Wind Breaker.

The plan won’t work for many reasons, but I’m amused by the overwhelming amount of effort/desperation in the marketing department. It’s not as bad as giving people 25 lives as a pre-order bonus, but I digress. Aonuma’s head couldn’t be further up the asshole. We’ve got enough to dread with you ruining memories of Zelda 3, but why dig up old skeletons that people clearly hate!?

This is the sign of bitter old men. Those who couldn’t live with the sting of failure time and again. Wind Breaker has imprinted so much on Aonuma’s soul that he just can’t bare to let live. Baby booming is srs bitness. But in the wake of his coming meltdown, Zelda fans have to suffer through his own mediocrity. Not once, not 2wice, but 7 fucking times. Wind Breaker, Minish Cap, Phantom Hourglass, Spirit Tracks (the gayest name I’ve ever heard for a Zelda title), Skyward bore, and that horrid little “sequel” in development right now. You know what we could use a remake of? Zelda 2, the Adventure of Link. Yeah, give me the only Zelda title that required some dexterity to kick ass in. No, you dig up bitch ass Toon Link and his animu island friends. I’m shocked there wasn’t a little beach episode included seeing as they aren’t afraid of Fire Emblem getting a bit randy in the clothing department.

Nintendo, finding their balls

I suppose I’ll give Al Khan of 4kids props for calling it like it is. Japan is over! They’re making so many shit games, they’re going back and digging up their worst offenders! I think Mortal Kombat 9 is my epiphany. Japanese games used to be the most fun I (and many others) have had with consoles in years. Now, they’ve gone off the deep end and given their industry to the otaku who’ve ruined good anime by saturating the sex. They’re so much silicone in Anime these days, I’ve grown gay just watching them all. You’ve got to be a horrible person to make sexuality boring.

Oh well, I missed bitching about the lack of a Time Splitters 4.