5 things that would magically make Lost Mind good.

Sonic has had a pretty rough time adapting to the world he has no business existing in. There has been no success for the blue hedgehog on handheld systems beyond possibly Sonic Rush. Sonic games used be held in high regard – in the Genesis days since Dreamcast was obviously a figment of our nocturnal rest.

Stop toying with me you son of a bitch.

Why do people still make these “Fix Sonic” articles after their nerd love from Colors and Generations? It’s like every new Sonic title gives everyone Shadow’s exaggerated amnesia trope and makes them forget how hard they rode Sega’s nuts in the last 2 years.

The bit about Sonic being about speed and mixing it in with analog controls, camera angles, and enemies on different planes, you know, all those issues that weren’t bitched about with Colors or Generations, or stopped 06 and Unleashed from selling decently enough to warrant their status, shows how disconnected Sonic fans are from the rest of the gaming populace, and we have the nerve to say gaming journalists exclusively have this problem.

But the funniest thing is the very things he complains about aren’t even present in Lost Mind, and yet he makes-believe they’re still there. Lost Mind is shit before they can press the discs, but making up “failing points” that are already addressed?

I really shouldn’t bother dissecting everything here because it’s become too much of a trope by now, everything he says word for word is a broken record of the fan community. I might go out of my fucking mind just becoming a parrot of my own thoughts. But… see, what I don’t get is this.

please for the love of all things holy no side characters. Sonic and Tails, maybe Knuckles are fine, but save Vector the headphone wearing crocodile for the comic books.

If you want no side characters, Tails and Knuckles are not the exceptions. But ignoring that, what specifically…. makes Tails special in comparison to Vector? That’s not such a controversial question because last I checked, Tails’s contributions to the series was no greater than Vector’s.

What has Tails been for well over the entire series? A sidekick, right? He’s an asset to the main character, which is Sonic. By that token, his primary role has been to assist the main focus in completing an objective. Vector’s role is no different. He’s done the exact same thing with 2 other characters by his side. He’s assisted the focus characters in completing their objectives. Now, to what greater extent that they were helpful is debatable, but their roles are virtually the same. They are assets to the main focus characters. The only difference to them is their motivations. Tails is motivated by friendship and insecurity while Vector is motivated by money. That adds a different layer of depth to their roles. While Tails’s actions would be obvious (he’ll help out no matter what), Vector’s actions would be more interesting considering his greed factors into what he’ll do. He might charge you to save your life. Or he might just do it out of some personal affection.

I recall how Emperor Kusko, a character motivated by vanity, up and saves a peasant’s life despite his characterization as a selfish bastard who would have an elderly man thrown out of his temple simply for “throwing off his groove”. It shows a greater impact of character development when a character who had only one dimension grows another and evolves. The most Tails could aspire to be is becoming lesser and less worthless to Sonic, even when Sonic doesn’t consider him so. Vector? A money hungry croc could become less heartless yadda yadda gay shit.

But that’s aside the point. Tails is not special simply because we all have fond childhood memories of him, and that is the only reason he is given a pedestal despite there being more interesting characters in the series that can (and have proven to) be more popular than him. And I’ve got nothing against Tails. But if I had the option of teaming Sonic up with any character of my choice, I would go for the more interesting one.

Sonic shit

Can Sonic defeat Dr. Robotnik’s latest creation while being sexually harassed by his lovely assistant?! FIND OUT NEXT TIME!

What can we expect from the usual Sonic and Tails team up besides the Power of Friendship or whatever fucked up writing that came out of Colors and Generations where they just “wonder about what’s going on”? I can tell yah right now, Sonic teamed with Vector would be kinda awesome.

Sonic: “Lets show that creep the real super power of TEAM WORK!”

Vector: Gonna be 2 bucks.

Sonic: ……..2 Bucks? You still owe me 5 dollars! Now focus on the machine’s weak point!

Vector: I’m focusing on gettin yo 2 bucks! Now what’s it gonna be? Teamwork or fly solo? Oh wait! You’re the only character that can’t fly in this series!

Sonic: You can’t fly either, dumbass!

Vector: What about my Triangle/Bubblegum Dive? 😀

Sonic: ……….Man, that don’t count!

You know, something that generates comedy. Stimulating situations that you could pay attention to and have fun with while they do the ass kicking. Like the Hulk and Thor in the Avengers movie. Not the same ol’ “gay lovers team up and save the world” shit we’ve seen through out the entire series. I know complacency is a necessary evil for appealing content of a long running series, but for FUCK’S SAKE! For an asshole that literally asks for “personality” in the Sonic series, you certainly aim for lower standards than usual.

How the fuck else did SA2 become so cult popular over everything we got from 07 and up? Characters that had their own motivations for why they’re saving the world. But wait! Tails is still attached to Sonic! He’s still an asset to the blue blur. Knuckles? He’s away from the son of a bitch for a good majority of the game. Fuck the moon gettin blown up, I’m lookin for my rocks!

These “side characters” have independence from Sonic the Hedgehog which gives them more depth and personality. Tails is essentially a less ballsy but more intelligent extension of Sonic. If that is the reason he’s given special treatment by the fans, then the fans have some sick… sick obsession with Sonic the character. The necessity for him to have “all the spotlight”. Even the author of this article thinks Sonic is bland, but there should be no side characters anyway.

Then again, the author contradicts himself so much in that piece, it’s a wonder why I bothered giving him attention at all.

Advertisements