1. Shit be expensive!

I’ve learned that I am not wealthy enough to afford such exquisite and classy entertainment known as a video game console. Even the handhelds are well over $200!  Anyone who could afford these devices could crush me with their morbidly obese wallets. My broke ass is unworthy of video games.

And here I thought that in an economy this fucked up, games would be cheaper than a home computer. But woe is me. The economy is not fucked. My job is fucked! Instead of thinking about my own entertainment, I must instead focus on important things like rent and food, especially with my greedy ass roommates whose ass looks like 2 pigs fighting under a blanket. Video games are no longer a priority in my life.

2. Video games are not about video games.

I’ve learned that the hottest thing about gaming is not about the next killer fighting game (KI3), but about irrelevant features such as TV and…TVii. Instead, this new generation of gaming is more so about social media such as playing and recording your progress to share with friends over facebook. More so about how you get to watch TV in more inconvenient ways such as sports programming. Instead of reaching over to pick up a remote and change the channel, you can instead scream at your television like an asshole to change the channel.

I had to stand back in awe of how voice command, something I could only see on tv, is going to be used only for the tv! Only a video game console could provide me of such a glimpse into the future… of entertainment! I’m astounded that the Xbone acts as a personal Pay-Per-View device with it’s necessity of requiring multiple viewers to pony up each per gaming and/or movie viewing pleasure.

Not to mention just… talking about what I’m doing in a video game with screen names over the internet. Instead of a real social gathering where a group of friends could curse and scream at each other while playing games, social media can allow me to filter out profanities and instead view more mature and classy quotes such as “OMG I TOTALLY PWNED TEH BOSS!” It’s so grand to hear about someone else’s accomplishments, just like on Facebook.

3. Nintendo is oblivious.

I’ve learned that Nintendo, whom I once thought was a company that was concerned about your satisfaction, is actually a company dedicated to the evolution of gameplay. Instead of making more interesting worlds and bold new characters, Nintendo instead focuses on the almighty” gameplay”, a factor which never attracted people to video games in the first place! But this is a bold new venture to evolution! Perhaps the reason the hardcore are so attracted to Nintendo is because of their desire to “evolve” gameplay by using strange contraptions and gadgets, things that might hamper or disorientate your ability to actually play the game and thus alienate  your desire to continue playing. But then, I would not be able to appreciate the surprising value of hard work that went into the product, even if I want to shit on it. Liking something is not the reason I should invest in Nintendo. It is only to witness the evolution of old content via gameplay exclusively. This mentality even creeped it’s way into Sega’s house of developers if Sonic’s Lost Mind is a clue.

But ultimately, I’ve learned that video games suck now because developers don’t care about video games. They set goals for themselves to create technological and gameplay achievements instead of the one goal they should always stick to. Achieving customer satisfaction which would ensure long term gains. But n their minds, I guess they’re thinking “one less nigga to worry about”.