Sonic the Hedgehog is Rolling with Nintendo.

That opening sentence alone is enough to make me crap vomit.

I mean, for a moment, I almost forgot that Sega originally thought Nintendo’s shit wouldn’t be successful. And they were talking about a Nintendo handheld!

This would’ve been a smart move if they were talking about the Wii and DS. But they skipped out on “superior” consoles for better graphics and that bit them on asses. Now this is just pathetic. 3DS maybe, but Wii U? Hell naw! I mean peep that page for a moment.

Sega’s Cheng believes bringing Sonic exclusively to the Wii U will help Nintendo.

“It should be a win-win situation, don’t count Wii U out yet!”

I’ve never heard a more blatant lie. Sega’s not doing this to “help Nintendo’s consoles” because they originally believed they wouldn’t be successful (and rightfully so if NSMBU didn’t help the Wii U). I’m thinking Nintendo probably strong-armed them for exclusives. Nintendo has been cannibalizing on exclusive opportunities like crazy since the Bayonetta fiasco. Wii U sales have been terrible when the goals were set so high. They’re desperate if they’re hogging fucking SONIC GAMES! Games that have no appeal since 06 virtually vanquished a sizable chunk of Sonic’s popularity.

But I’m sure Sega happily went on for it, because what they really want is dat cheddar. Mario and Sonic Olympics have been their best selling games in YEARS. I don’t know why, but people lap that shit up like weed. And if Capcom vs SNK is anything to go by, the developers of collaborative software gets most of the profits. Sega is STILL in dire need of money because Hajime keeps blowing the money off on those busted ass Pachinko machines.

I’m certain Nintendo had a few bribes going on with Sega in regards to the Olympic games. The Olympic games will always be exclusive to Nintendo consoles for obvious reasons, but if Iwata seriously thinks 2 more Sonic games are going to push Wii U sales, he’s incredibly delusional. Console sales have not been boosted with Sonic games since…. ever.

It would be fun to dream, but Iwata has to be really desperate if he’s hogging the Sonic titles now. But what makes me piss lava is how Sega just went along with this without so much as a bitch fit. And Reggie can go on spreading vitrol about “Mario and Sonic being friends”. If that isn’t the gayest most idiotic shit I’ve ever heard in my life. First off, there’s no “friendship”. It’s a money deal. You scratch my back, I scratch yours. Both sides are hurting for money (apparently Nintendo needs some if they’re going to profit off of someone else’s youtube videos.) and everyone fears the PS4 and Durango (neither of which deserves fear in the first place).

It would be nice to see Nintendo “save the industry” from Microsoft’s Orwellian practices and Sony’s “Computer Gaming fiesta” nonsense, but the Wii U is NOT the answer! It follows a similar path with faulty hardware and software that doesn’t benefit from anything that awful touch pad does. This is just Nintendo’s desperation. They WANT more 3rd party games because they don’t want to work hard making REAL SHIT anymore! Sega, Namco, and maybe Capcom have been the only companies trying to make video games that could benefit the industry and the consumers, but Capcom pissed off their fanbases, and Sega has been making stupid mistakes over and over again. Nintendo’s lost it. They’re actually relying on SEGA for exclusives! And the worst part is that Sega said “YES!”

I’m gonna go have a few meltdowns now.