Imagine that girl is Alis Landale from Phantasy Star, and then you’ll see why I am shitting myself now.

I am not bullshitting you. I WILL fucking quit gaming if this shit happens.

Skip to the 14:30 mark of the video. I am ashamed of the fact that one of our own is hyped for the possibility of this happening.

I’ve already covered why I currently despise Nintendo. They’ve pissed me off beyond belief. To the point that I bought a PSP. Nintendo are doing everything they can to alienate me from their games.

Sega is on a slippery slope to financial ruin. Sammy will rape everything known as “money” in the name of their shitty pachinko business. They’re finished. Sega is damn near ready to separate.

But if Nintendo… is actually considering buying Sega, that is it.

That’s Nintendo’s Alien ship ready to rape Sega of the last of it’s coolness.

Tell me guys. What’s worse to you?

Exhibit A

Shadow the Hedgehog in full gangsta mode

…Or this?

Exhibit B

Samus Aran in full submission mode

I want to count the number of lies from people who would dare suggest they would prefer exhibit B just because of “arse and T”. I fear only they need not be lies.

This… THIS is what I fear. Nintendo has RAPED, not destroyed, RAPED the ever loving FUCK out of their most enduring characters. Their top 3 franchises thus far have been ruined. Mario with a water gun and a commercial that would cause an abortion alone, Link with so many errands to run, the entire game feels like a side quest, and Samus with an extreme hormonal imbalance the likes of which we never DARED to desire! Pokemon is honestly all they have left.

But people are literally cheering for this. Sonic fans orgasm at the thought of Sega being bought out by Nintendo as they foolishly believe they will “save sonic”. They’re on the brink of insanity. I will sit back… and weep.

What did Sega do that was so detrimental to Sonic’s fame?

1. They gave his anti-hero a gun

2. They rushed  severly hyped Sonic game without proper play-testing

3. Turned him into a werehog

4. Gave him a sword.

That is 4 things people scream is what killed the franchise.

What did Nintendo do to their core franchises?

1. Gave Mario a water gun.

2. Gave his brother a vacuum cleaner

3. Turned Link into a midget cartoon character.

4. Put link and Zelda on trains because Aonuma’s son likes trains.

5. Caused Zelda to go into the Bomba Bin (!!!!!!)

6. DESTROYED the Star Fox series.

7. Put out an instructional DVD (a whole disc) with the release of Super Mario Galaxy 2, insulting the intelligence of the common gamer.

8. Gave Link an annoying partner that deliberately insults your intelligence for the entire game.

This bitch deserves more hate than Tingle. I can’t believe I just said that.

9. DESTROYED the Metroid franchise with just 1 game. It took at least 2 for Sonic to be “ruined”. Not destroyed.

10. Created 2 systems that cause headaches and irritation.

11. Restricted memory data to memory cards in fear of losing profits.

12. Thought this game was a good idea.

Who’s Tingle? Only the most HATED CHARACTER IN THE ZELDA FRANCHISE!

For all the shit Sega gets, I would rather they continue on their path (hell, I’d rather they go completely BANKRUPT!) than to submit to a company that literally destroys their franchises. Houses developers who deliberately insult the fans they’re hired to serve and entertain. Constantly puts out hardware features and expecting us NOT to use them. Restricting how we play games, etc. Nintendo is a company that offers you no freedom in how you play your games. They are arrogant to the point that they will DESTROY their games to ensure you play a certain way.

How? Enter Super Smash Bros. Brawl. The only game in the Smash Series that sucks. Why? They decided to remove an exploit in the air dash system that would allow players to do wave dashes. But that’s not it. They changed the entire physics system to ensure that there are no abuses to the engine for ‘advanced” exploits to be used by the hardcore dipshits over at Smash Boards. The result? Brawl being damned unplayable. It’s slow, unbalanced, not as fun or as chaotic as the previous 2 games, loads like ass, and nearly broke everyone’s Wii console due to it’s dual layer system. Fanboys were so desperate that they began hacking the game to make it play more like Melee. And you know what? It’s actually fun! And they’ve managed to turn Brawl into the Wii equivalent of the M.U.G.E.N. engine found on PC.

How ironic. The very people that were despised by the most “casual” of players have now become heroes in making games better than ever. Of course, your mileage may vary.

But the point is Sakurai destroyed Smash Bros. over an exploit found in Melee. An EXPLOIT! But more so, because he didn’t enjoy the tournament players having their fun. In Volume 3 of an Iwata Asks: Brawl reveals Sakurai’s personal thoughts of tournament players.

When people think of playing Smash Bros. online, they think about battling opponents to see what happens based on their record of wins or losses, or about holding tournaments online. But I felt that this would make it a service from which only a select group of players [tourneyfags] could derive enjoyment. For Smash Bros., there are small communities here and there where there’s fun in winning and losing, even when there are more skilled players than others. But if you make an environment where everyone is trying to climb their way to the top of a single tall mountain, it’s clear that the people having fun would be limited to a small number of individuals.

So he fucked up Brawl to ensure only a smaller group of people enjoy it.

This is what Nintendo does. They make their games exclusionary to only  a preferred selection of audiences. Everyone else can get fucked. They also demand that you play their games a certain way. In NSMBW, you can only play with Wii mote and/or nun-chuck. No Classic Controller/Gamecube Controller/Hori Stick (for NES Advantage memories) available. Why? Because certain actions like lifting objects or other players… or flying… require the shaking of the controller. Because it’s too much work to configure that to another button or making flying UP+Jump to give that old school feel. Same shit in Kirby Return to the Dreamland, though to a much lesser effect. It’s not really IMPOSED on you.

Sega games? On the Wii, the majority of them I could use any controller I damn well pleased. The few that don’t are rail shooters, Secret Rings, or Mad World.

Not to mention the only Sega game I’ve sold on Wii was Zero Gravity. I’ve sold at least 5 Nintendo brand games alone. Make that six when I get those damn Amazon stickers off of Mario Power Tennis. I haven’t been this dissappointed with so many Nintendo games since the gameboy advance, and that had the worst onslaught of titles ever. Even Pokemon sucked!

And what could we expect out of Nintendo produced Sega games anyway?

Ironically, this was actually Sega’s idea as they bought the license to make olympic games (Sega has a hard on for sports titles considering the success they had with them back on the Genesis…. like that means shit now with EA) and suggested they do this with Nintendo. But ignoring that, this game is a fucking disgrace. First off, the Olympics are shitty events where the world comes together to entertain the head bitch in charge. The Queen of England. She must’ve been pissed that a black man won the gold medal for track and field, but that’s aside the point. People imagined Mario and Sonic they it happened in Brawl. Brawl is shit, so that match up is still imperfect.

And I doubt we’ll ever get that perfect cross over if this happens.

I think I speak for everyone when I say I would prefer this

Over this

This

Image Result_1355085222196

Over this

And this

over this

And of course this

Over this

Nintendo believes in some horse shit philosophy of “surprising” gamers with stupid gimmicks because they think being “different” is the essence of quality. Doing the unthinkable would garner them nothing but support and admiration. But every time, the same results occur. People start losing faith in them because all they become is a parody of themselves.

Sega still has people talking, debating on the internet, and not debates where they have to defend a game from harsh criticisms like “padding out the game with Triforce hunts”. But the future of every game they produce. Nintendo barely leaves a whimper in the room with every announcement. All I see is people getting disappointed that the new Wii U has crap online again, and irrelevant features like “tvii”. Sega games, from this past generation, still felt like GAMES! Not overblown tech demos like Sonic used to be. Capcom is focused on movies and fanservice, Konami is focused on movies period (lords of shadow), Nintendo is focused on gimmicks that have NOTHING to do with games, but to do  with promoting technological advancements in “convenience”. As if we didn’t have enough of that junk.

But Sega? Naw. They’re still the only company that actually makes games anymore, and is the main reason I would still support them. But if they get bought by Nintendo, that is the end of it. I’ve seen enough Sonic spin offs to know it wouldn’t end well AT ALL with Sega thinking about how they can use the touch pad to make you go faster by waving it around and twirling your fingers in a circle to do a spin attack. Then quickly tapping the center to do a homing or any other kind of bullshit they could think of. Why use such hyperbole? Why not? Afterall, this company believed that making you run by holding A, using stamina, and then FLICKING the nunchuck while running, using up more stamina, just to do a ROLL…was a good idea…. and this was after simply running and then pressing A to roll worked so much better. They FORCED the “innovation” into the game by complicating a simple ROLL! Why the FUCK would I want these jackoffs to make Sonic games!?

You Sonic fans that demanded this are going to face the onslaught of even WORSE Sonic games than ever before.

And just a note. Yes, the video says “rumor”, but do you have any idea how many rumors turned out to be TRUE this generation alone? That’s why my radar is up over this.

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